Bad News Bears (2005) Soundboard Edit

A lot of brisket butt.

All players must wear a comprehensive genital defense apparatus.''

All right, call it. Quit. Quit the whole league. What I just said.

All right, way to go, guys. Way to go! Good hustle!

All right! All right, Amanda!

All right.

All that aside, forget I filed the injunction.

Alrighty.

Amanda, listen, just because we didn't get along so well all the time,

Amanda, your training bra's too tight!

And at the bottom of the sixth, Yankees lead 8 to 5.

And l've let you down.

And look at me

And people that I want to thank

And what's that?

Anyway, after that, I blew off a few offers,

Anyway, I think we're gonna have a lot of fun.

Are you actually telling me how to raise my child?

Baseball's hard, guys. I mean, it really is.

Because I know this game, you know? And...

Besides that, you owe me.

Bloodfarts. The Bloodfarts?

Bring it in, here you go.

But for a change, just sit here and enjoy the game with me, all right?

But it's very nice.

But it's worth it.

But look at the ass on that second baseman.

But since l've been watching you turn the team around,

Can't hope for miracles, can you?

Chinese people count with beads

Come on, get out of the way.

Come on, guys! Let's hold them!

Come on, hop in. I'll take you home.

Come on.

Compared to the last game,

Damn, is it 3:00? I gotta get out of here.

Do as you're told. Come on.

Do the same thing. Lean in, just get on base. Kelly's up next.

Don't worry about that.

Dying.

Easy, sport.

Ex Mariner, Morris Buttermaker and the Bears.

For two thirds of an inning in 1 984

Get up.

Get your ass over there. Pull your head out, son.

Go two, go two, go two!

Good hit, Miguel.

Good job, buddy. Good job

Got one of those for me?

Great game. I'm proud of you.

Guys, it's a bunt.

He is. I just lost the bet, and now I have to go out with him.

Hell, yeah, I played with people who are famous.

Here, carry that.

Hey, ain't you ever heard of ''throws like a girl''?

Hey, coach.

Hey, don't talk like that. What's wrong with you?

Hey, get back in the dugout. Hey!

Hey, look who it is.

I don't have to tell you who we play for the pennant

I feel really good about it, don't you?

I got it! I got it!

I got something for you.

I heard he puts money under your pillow when you lose a tooth.

I knew a guy.

I mean, you know, l've been an asshole.

I used to do it with my pop all the time.

I want nice hips and C cups.

I'm a washout.

I'm calling the game. The kids are getting creamed out there, you know?

I'm coaching a team out in the Valley, and I was just thinking, you know,

I'm gonna bounce you out of the league.

I'm only here for them.

I'm so sorry.

Jesus.

Just Cointreau, Patron, lime juice and superfine salt.

Keep your knees bent, your butt down. That way if it hops either way...

Kelly, how you doing?

Kelly, this field, it's for ball players. it's not for quitters.

Kelly.

L'll be fine.

Last pitch, guys!

Let go of me!

Let me tell you something Hey!

Let's get them. Let's go!

Let's play ball.

Lf you won't play ball, why are you here?

Listen very carefully.

Long ago and far away.

Ls this what you teach them?

Lt's a good call, ump. Very good call.

Lt's all right, kid. You had a helmet on. lmagine if you didn't

Lt's all right. Focus. Just relax. Relax!

Lt's great you're doing this, Morris. Really.

Lt's horseshit baseball, and you know it! So you watch them, okay?

Lt's kind of like dating a German chick, you know?

Lt's like I told you before, there's no ''l'' in team

Lt's my arm. it's killing me.

Lupus! Lupus!

May work with the ladies, but that crap doesn't work out here.

Maybe you might want to come play with us.

My life hasn't added up to much more than a shitbag

No, you do. it's called me putting a foot up your ass.

Nothing much. Just ready to play some baseball.

Now batting number 5, Kelly Leak.

Now batting, number 9, Joey Bullock.

Now, come on, I'll take you home. Let's go.

Now, Friday we play the Angels.

Now, it's not quite as good as the real thing,

Now, what does that mean for the Angels?

Number 1 2, Mike Van Horn.

Oh, this is my friend Paradise.

Oh, yeah, that's charging it, all right.

Okay, no Hooper.

One more, baby. One more!

Otherwise, why are you here?

Out!

Put me down! Damn it

Right now, we're the hottest team in the league.

Right this way. Good.

Safe!

Safe!

Safe!

Salt Lake City.

Same shit. They both built pyramids. All right.

Screw this, I'm taking his wallet.

See you later.

See you there.

See, here's the thing. lf you get on, we're loaded, and Kelly is up next.

So come on down if you get a chance. Meanwhile, so many volunteers

So do what I said.

So get out there.

So get your stuff, and get your asses on the field!

So one game, you want to quit, is that it?

So you keep your trap shut, okay?

Son of a bitch!

Sorry, chief. Sorry.

Strike one!

Swivel on the back foot, throw your hips, and keep your eye on the ball.

Thanks

Thanks, Ray. I appreciate it.

That you don't have so much tied up in.

That's Kelly Leak.

That's not what I'm talking about.

That's pretty good, guys. Did you see that? Damn near got him.

That's the way, buddy! That's what I'm talking about, right there.

There's only a few thousand guys ever set foot on a major league mound,

These kids need role models.

They don't understand the dedication that it takes to run a serious program.

They used to stitch everything up, goddamn it. lt was like the Dark Ages.

Time!

Toby, hit the mound.

Try it, spark plug.

Twenty five, huh?

Two thirds, that's it?

Up next, number 1 8, Justin Cahill.

Watch it, asshole

Way to go, buddy! Way to go!

Way to go, Miguel! Good catch, buddy!

We just wanted you to know that you got our respect.

We're celebrating.

We're gonna get laughed at. We only have a week till the season starts.

Well, I haven't paid for sex in years.

Well, that's okay. We're doing better.

What are you guys doing?

What are you jerk offs doing here?

What are you smiling at, Henry?

What in the hell are you doing? This is not T ball!

What the hell happened to you, Tanner?

What the hell is wrong with you?

What the hell?

What the hell's wrong with you guys?

What uniforms?

Where do we get the equipment?

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, well I closed the inning out, okay.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yo, bro, what up?

You could do that. That'll work.

You got this guy, Joey!

You gotta get under the ball.

You have to go out with him? You mean out like ''out''?

You know, American things.

You know, I never thought l'd hear myself say,

You know, we can hang out.

You scared the hell out of me. Don't be leaning on the door.

You understand me?

You wanna win, right?

You're just a kid.

You're out!

You're out!

You're up next, Kelly. Come on, let's go.

Ahmad. Whatever it is.

Fine. All right.

Forfeit. Time!

Harper. Heads up, buddy. Awesome!

Hey. What, you joined the circus?

How much? I pull it off,

it's been tough. Really? Tough, huh?

Mr. Buttermaker. What?

Play ball! Cream it, Whitewood!

Ready. One, two, three. Bears!

Really? Yeah.

Run! Run! Run!

Safe! Did you see that?

Something wrong? You would know, dickweed.

This guy bothering you, Amanda? No, it's okay. He was just going.

What did you say? Dropping out of the league.

What have you been up to? Nothing.

You heard me. Right field. Are you crazy?

You ought to be proud of yourselves. Proud of what?

...and Texans.

...are mental patients...

...you know, being more distinguished