The Last Man on Earth - Season 3 Edit

A "Who Knew Who Was Crazy When" contest.

A a thorn in a foot. Right?

A And eyes!

A bunch over there.

A couple broken bones, or...?

A good vibe about you, Tandy.

A great first impression, but look at me.

A heads up about your friend!

A holding tank collects rainwater,

A madman knows exactly where we are,

A new society, and I couldn't think of a better place

A patio furniture store.

A prison island, world's curviest street.

A rescue, might pee on the carpet from time to time,

A small house, tiny yard, white picket fence.

A unicorn with two horns.

A video short called "I Want My Hat Back" with Galen Fott,

A weird name for a lion, and also a little confusing

A wonderful wife with its low climate

Aah!

About San Francisco: the Golden Gate Bridge,

About the lion and the mouse?

About the power going out.

About the whole Pat situation,

Abundantly kosher between us lately.

Advertent rhyme.

After a crazy person.

After I shoot your balls off.

Against all odds, we became a family here.

Ah, he's not a poddy dodger.

Ah, look at that!

Ah, man, my bad!

Ah, my fingers are Bugles!

Ah, nothing. Tandy and Lewis just became friends.

Ah!

Ah.

Ah. Hmm

Aim at throats and balls!

All Ds... Dominic...

All my hugs and kisses, too,

All right, easy!

All right, here we go.

All right, if everyone wants to stay here,

All right, Lewis, start talking.

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All the way to Tampa!

Although I'm still not sure about that Lewis guy.

Am gay. Currently.

Amen to that.

An epic battle!

And all he wants is to be a part of this group.

And all of them came back positive for death.

And and, Todd, do not tell the others.

And blow off a little steam, huh?

And damn if we didn't see your lights.

And deal with the cup in the morning.

And decide where he was gonna land?

And every one of you.

And for the first time

And he eats cat food.

And he is friggin' pissed at us.

And he makes us wear the janky jeans?

And he really is a very fearful person.

And he seemed to be cooling down.

And he then went on to be in a movie called The Jerk Theory,

And he thinks the virus is still around.

And he'll, you know, come back here

And how perfect that we're going to San Francisco.

And I always wanted to try this.

And I can make them sing like a Doobie Brother.

And I didn't want that dream to die.

And I don't have to pee as much.

And I don't think she's processing it.

And I love you.

And I turned 'em into daisies.

And I'll figure it out, okay?

And I'm here for you.

And I'm... just not good with heavy.

And I've had enough of you.

And I've really taken a liking to this one.

And if it was, I won 'cause I knew it all along.

And if we don't get it back,

And it looks like he's there to stay.

And it went great. Right, T?

And it's all because of Tandy here.

And it's gonna stay that way, capisce?

And it's you from this building.

And leave, 'cause you just got here, like, five days ago.

And nobody say that again twice.

And office chairs, but it does look out over a Chili's.

And one animal... I never knew what it was,

And one got away from me.

And paint something on the wall saying he sailed off to Hawaii.

And plus, it's a fun song, so it's a double blessing.

And probably take others with me.

And rather than get rid of all the angry messages,

And remember, we were the ones who shot their friend.

And right on cue, the freakin' peanut gallery opens his shell

And see where the flood takes us?

And shoots off his little peanut mouth.

And somehow,

And the generators.

And the group is in danger,

And the other one's just not there anymore.

And the pain of sickness. You know?

And the restroom's far away, they just do their business,

And the weather is fine.

And the youngest sibling was called Mouse.

And then at the end there, we had a really quick bad one

And then Glendon,

And then I said, "Carol, you're my supermodel porn."

And then I said, "I tried, but you were so excited about it,

And then Lewis, then Taylor...

And then pour vinegar on the freshly exposed wounds,

And then that area is loaded.

And then their mother, she had a brother Terry,

And then there was Tabitha,

And then we kissed.

And then we were just passing by Malibu,

And then wipe off the blood and put it back in its station.

And then, after being at sea with him for a few days,

And then, forces beyond my control just

And there's whistles in there, too.

And this is exactly like that.

And this nest here gives me, uh, great brain stem possibilities

And those fish... that song...

And waggin' that tizzy.

And we are 300 miles from San Francisco.

And we can just talk it out outdoor slumber party style?

And we can paint our own masterpiece right here.

And we set sail for Hawaii.

And y'all can suck it.

And you can't miss.

And you killed someone,

And you killed someone.

And you listen to me for a change!

And you're all the animals."

And, Gail...

And, I mean, and

And, of course, Lombard Street, the least straight street

And, Tandy, if you say, "You're dying?

And, uh, I don't know...

And, uh, uh, butts!

And, you know, there's, like,

And, you know, you tried to kill my brother,

Animal faces,

Any way that you guys would consider letting us

Anyone who wants is welcome to join me.

Anything that can be turned into a shiv!

Anything's possible if you put your mind to it

Anyway, so I think it might be best

Anyway, so this story has something to do with, you know,

Anyway, this mouse... not the lion named Mouse,

Appears to be a totally self sustainable building.

Are we still on this?

Are you gonna be able to save her?

Are you gonna tase me, Tandy?

Are you just getting your steps in, hon?

Are you okay?

Are you serious?

Are you sure?

Aren't you spiffy.

Art on jeans.

As an actual mouse figures prominently into this story.

At least he's out there on the playing field,

At sustainable food sources.

At times.

At what I like to call "tasing stations"

Attaboy, rip it off like a Band Aid.

Aw.

Awesome.

Bad car! How dare you disobey me!

Bark at a minority, hump some legs.

Base of the brain. One shot, threat over.

Basically just a bunch of axes around the house...

Be careful, my love.

Be on the lookout for Tony Bennett's heart,

Be right back.

Beautiful San Francisco!

Because he didn't want to scare you.

Because I made custom jobbies for each

Because it turns out that Pat is way more alive

Because Pat's alive

Because... it's so beautiful!

Been available to me ever since you been running around

Been available to me.

Been going through kind of a...

Before they go to bed.

Blister? Hardly knew 'er.

Body blow, body blow. Left hook,

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

Bottom line:

Brain freeze!

Brain stem shot?

Brain stem shot.

Brain stem shot.

Brain stem shot.

Brain stem shot.

Brain stem shot.

Brain stem shot.

Brief incarcerant.

Bud?

But a gay Asian? Hey, that checks off two boxes for us.

But an office building?

But apparently Tandy is asking Lewis to be his little buddy.

But even though you turned into

But he didn't do anything.

But he's actually here in Malibu somewhere.

But he's really trying.

But I created such a mess.

But I decided I'm finally ready.

But I guess my only problem is that

But I promise we'll make it feel like a home.

But I think maybe it's time

But I thought my name was not Spiffy, but rather Patrick.

But I want to hear you say it.

But I'm I'm... uh, just...

But I'm worried that people are getting a little urinated off

But in fact the man of my dreams.

But it gets kind of lonely out there.

But it was just something weird that I remember.

But it yelled "Stop!"

But it's great. This is good, guys.

But let me go over there first, okay? You know that

But married into a very large family.

But on the one percent chance he does,

But once we housebreak him, oh, he's gonna be lickin' faces

But Pat, yeah, I mean,

But Tandy will save us.

But the actual mouse... was an only child,

But the main reason

But the truth is Pat is alive,

But today you've been a real pain in the front.

But we don't hear this...

But we'll get a handle on this!

But we've been here for a long time.

But you just said you had a partner.

But you told everybody he was dead.

But your intentions were beyond heroic.

But, hey, there is a bright side to this

But, hey, what are the chances? We'll see.

But, looks like we're gonna have to eliminate 'er

But, okay, yeah, semen, sure.

But, Tandy, you told us he was dead!

But, uh, Melissa has planted a series of land mines

But, yeah,

But, yeah, I think he's probably gone.

But, yes, it is.

But... well, you said he was alive.

Bye, Gail.

Bye, hon. Take care.

Bye, Todd.

Bye.

Calling him a hero.

Can I see it?

Can we bring Cher?

Can we go?

Can we have Patrick back?

Can you hear me?

Care Bear, but I'm gonna have to insist that we stay.

Care Bear, what are these?

Carol and I, we're pregnant, so...

Carol, I'm a month further along than you,

Carol, look at me

Carol, Pat is dead.

Carol, Tandy, come look at this.

Carol, uh, bullhorn on the talking,

Carol, what are you doing?

Carol, what are you doing?

Carol, what happened? Are you okay?

Carol, what's happening?

Carol?

Carol.

Carol. You're pregnant.

Catch you on the flippity.

Catch.

Central air conditioning!

Chair.

Chutes and ladders!

Cold.

Come here.

Come here. Come over here. Okay.

Come on, Gail, "crazy" is a little harsh, don't you think?

Come on, get out of here! Go!

Come on, hup two!

Come on, Lewis.

Come on, Todd, you don't mean that.

Come on, what are you, like,

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go. Let's hit the road

Come on. We got to stick together.

Completely absurd things, I want to move to Mount Everest.

Completely absurd things, I want to move to Mount Everest.

Constant, just...

Could you please pass the salt?

Couldn't have been a freakin' supermarket

Couldn't resist.

Count me in.

Current.

Damn it, Tandy, I've had enough of this.

Damn it.

Danny Partridge was in The Partridge Family,

Dibs.

Did I scare you?

Did we learn nothing from Tony Robbins?

Did you mean "pardner"? You a cowboy?

Did you sink it?

Did... did you want that one?

Ding a ling.

Ding a ling.

Diplomacy fails.

Do we look like idiots?

Do we look like idiots?

Do we?

Do you know how far Vancouver is from Dollywood?

Don't be a hero.

Don't go the distance.

Don't move!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot me!

Don't sit down.

Don't try anything stupid, okay?

Don't you need some tools?

Down here on the beach.

Drive around aimlessly?

Drop a sculpture on my wife,

Easy. Just follow my lead.

Eh, it's all a matter of perspective, really.

Eh, well, don't worry about me.

Endless source of...

Erica, you put the fear of gosh in us!

Everybody here? If I could get your attention.

Everybody, grab a weapon!

Everyone's panties jumping up their buns,

Feel better.

Fine, nobody say "Beetlejuice" again.

Fine, yes, yes, yes,

Fine. Yeah.

Fire ants, certainly natural causes.

Fire in the hole!

Fire in the hole!

Fire in the hole.

Fire must've started and I guess there was no one to put it out.

Firearms are not the answer.

Folks, this is your captain, Tandy Miller, speaking

Follow your book.

For just a few more... huh, inadvertent rhyme there...

For legend has told he left it somewhere within city limits

For me, I think my time has come.

For my rational thinking, right?

For opening your hearts to me.

For this amazing redesign. Huh?

For trees. A tree surgeon.

For you to know that I'm...

For... what?

Four minutes to pizza, folks!

Fresh start.

Fresh start.

Fresh start.

Fresh... start.

From overconsumption.

From the rest of the trip.

From the spirit world.

Frozen pizza!

G Guys, Gail's Gail's gonna have the fourth floor, which is,

Gail and I broke up.

Gail, come on. Wait.

Gail, I am worried about Melissa.

Gail, I am worried about Melissa.

Gail, is that your car?

Gail, where are you going?!

Gail's leaving.

Gas goes bad.

Gay.

Geez, guys, cool your jets.

Geez, Lewis, thanks for giving us

Get back here, car!

Get back there and act like a murderer.

Get in, get in! I got the key!

Get in, get in! I got the key!

Get into his psyche.

Get off me.

Get out of here.

Get outta town.

Get your hat off!

Glad I could, uh, be of help.

Go, go, go, go, go!

Go, go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

God, Tandy,

God, we've got to get back

God, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?!

Good evening, Vietnam.

Good for all kinds of things.

Good God.

Good morning, Vietnam!

Good trench depth. Yep. Sure. Sure.

Good, good.

Good, let's go.

Good, uh, vantage point.

Good, uh, vantage point.

Got a baby sitting on my bladder.

Got it out of my system.

Got it. Everybody got it?

Got something I, uh... I got to say.

Got to be alert. Never know where it's gonna come from.

Got you, you little piece of switch!

Got you!

Grab Oscars, Emmys,

Grammys, Golden Globes!

Great idea, Carol. You know,

Great plan, except I'm onto you.

Guess start in the middle?

Guess we'll see.

Guys, are you hearing this?

Guys, come on,

Guys, come on! There's nothing to fear but fear itself!

Guys, guys,

Guys, introduce yourselves.

Guys, Pat is alive.

Guys, relax, okay?

Guys, we could already be in Tampa right now,

Guys?

Guys...

Ha ha!

Had to do it. BT... bad timing.

Hair. You like it?

Has not cooled down yet.

Has something died in there?

Hatchets, rainbows.

Have you learned your lesson about not using firearms?

Have you processed your murder of Darrell?

He can join in progress, right?

He dead?

He dead.

He dead.

He doesn't seem fun.

He doesn't want to kill us.

He gone.

He gone.

He had many brothers and sisters...

He has to go.

He just seems like a real bad news Barry.

He lived in a beautiful savannah.

He said yes!

He said yes!

He told me that he killed somebody a few weeks ago

He was just here.

He was the best.

He was the middle lion of 11.

He was the one who should've survived, not me.

He's a flippin' psycho.

He's alive.

He's alive.

He's being sincere; you just probably can't tell

He's dead, or he died.

He's done it!

He's extending his hand.

He's finishing him.

He's gone.

He's gonna give it to Pat.

He's gonna let Pat know

He's gonna shoot us!

He's he's dead.

He's he's... he's not just crazy, he's he's dangerous.

He's here to apologize.

He's not coming back.

He's not, like, around here, right?

He's poking Tandy's eyes.

He's very dangerous.

He's very fun.

Head or heart?

Heck, less than an hour.

Heck, you even tried to kick me out, your leader!

Heel! Heel!

Hell, that hairy old turd could be watching us right now.

Hells bells, Carol!

Hells bells, Todd.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, follow my finger.

Here, have a seat.

Here, I'll show you.

Here, let me get in there, huh?

Here, take it! Suck it down!

Hey oh!

Hey yo!

Hey, buck up, bud.

Hey, bud, so you want to, uh, chuck around the pigskin?

Hey, bud.

Hey, bud.

Hey, bud.

Hey, Carol! Come here!

Hey, Carol?

Hey, Gail bird, you out there?

Hey, Gail,

Hey, guys, how would you like to stay?

Hey, guys, you should come see this!

Hey, guys!

Hey, guys! You got to see this!

Hey, guys.

Hey, guys...

Hey, hey, why are we slowing down?

Hey, how about we, uh, ink up some jeans?

Hey, I haven't heard from Gail in a while.

Hey, I'm Jed. Semper Fi!

Hey, Melissa, I was just...

Hey, so I have some really exciting news.

Hey, there's something up there!

Hey, Todd?

Hey, Todd.

Hey, Todd.

Hey, Todd.

Hey, Todd.

Hey, try great icebreaker, huh?

Hey, what is that?

Hey, why would I need a hand?

Hey, yeah. I, uh...

Hey, you guys coming up or what?

Hey, you just be yourself and you'll do fine.

Hey, you want a little taste?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! No!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. How'd it go with the Eliminator?

Hey... you're my supermodel porn.

Hi!

His name was Tetracles and his wife was Patricia. Now,

Hmm

Holy balls.

Holy balls.

Holy... farts.

Hope I'm not late for dinner.

Hope your friends feel the same.

Hot. I'm burning up. Could you hit the AC please?

How about you, Blue Man Group?

How are we gonna keep 'em from coming back here without scaring 'em?

How could Pat be alive?

How do we know he didn't sail off

How do you think it happened?

How Lewis just totally got my back

How would you like to stay?

How'd you get rid of the boat?

How's that self driving car treating you?

How's your slice?

Huh?

Huh? Hey, why don't you and I go out

Huh. What's the smartest way to do this?

I am saying, why are we staying here?

I am so glad to not be in the same car as Tandy.

I am telling you, Tampa would make a great place to live!

I am worried about Melissa.

I am your friend!

I am, uh, Julius.

I burned them all.

I can turn it off like a faucet.

I can't believe you would say that...

I can't live like this anymore!

I can't live like this anymore!

I d... I did. I packed Gordon.

I definitely heard bones breaking.

I deserve punishment.

I did see that.

I did!

I didn't forget to gas it up.

I didn't want you to have to live with that.

I do not see color, but it is Asian.

I do!

I don't have a business partner.

I don't have a gun.

I don't know about the rest of you guys.

I don't know anymore!

I don't know how close it is to your dreams,

I don't know how to live with this!

I don't know if you know how blessed you are

I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you.

I don't know!

I don't know.

I don't really have any secrets, Pat. I...

I don't think Peter, Paul or Mary will look too kindly

I don't understand the connection!

I don't understand this game!

I don't understand. Explain the connection.

I forgot my soap. Can I borrow yours?

I forgot to gas it up.

I get nervous around them and I...

I got a few extra Tasers and I placed them

I got news for you.

I got this.

I got two of 'em already. Boom.

I guess I should probably say a few words.

I guess that's our M.O., huh?

I had to do something.

I had two amazing girlfriends I was crazy about.

I have absolutely no idea.

I have ever seen.

I have no idea what to do now.

I have no idea why I'm watching this,

I hear chaises are really good for your back.

I I just really regret the way that I treated him.

I I just wanted you to know.

I I looked at it, uh, long enough to...

I I want to thank y'all

I I would never have had the courage

I Is there a dial to turn the music down?

I It's... that's just what the government wants,

I just always had this dream of where I'd raise my family.

I just didn't like the way she said that.

I just grazed him. I mean, Pat's gonna be fine. Right?

I just had a bout of morning sickness.

I just shot you.

I just talked to him, like, an hour ago,

I just that thought maybe this could be a good icebreaker.

I just thought that that might be best.

I just want to sit in the shade.

I just want to... just want to talk

I just...

I killed him, didn't I?

I killed him, didn't I?

I knew it, I knew it!

I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!

I know them by heart.

I know we got off to an awkward start, but is is there

I know we won't.

I know we won't.

I know you have a lot of memories here,

I know, Gail, but we'll we'll get through it.

I like it burned

I like to see where these things go.

I like to show the realistic side.

I lost my brother not too long ago.

I love it! What is it?

I love it.

I love it. You could open a store.

I love you, too.

I mean, did Noah load up his ark

I mean, do you think Noah had a plan

I mean, how do you think they'd feel if they knew

I mean, I did all the tests.

I mean, I guess I saw it coming, but it still sucks, you know.

I mean, I I... I just grazed him! I think I... It was just...

I mean, Lewis already wasn't a big fan, even with power.

I mean, like, every inch

I mean, Noah didn't have a bunch of arks, he had one ark.

I mean, we both have our secrets,

I mean, we got a real Benetton ad going here.

I mean, we have a gay population!

I mean, we're all that's left.

I mean, we're talking full on smush.

I mean, what are we doing?

I mean, when I first met Carol,

I mean, when I look at our little caravan here,

I mean, you all were very recently complaining

I mean, you blew it on many,

I mean, you know, he's definitely a...

I miss him.

I once drove cross country with my partner

I pity the fool.

I put Gordon away. I don't need him anymore.

I put them on very slowly, Lewis.

I put up a warning.

I ran into Darrell and Lewis here,

I ran into some ex Marines and MMA fighters.

I really do.

I saw Citizen Kane once,

I saw Citizen Kane once, and I always wanted to try this.

I see you're all soaking up the sunshine that is Pat.

I should probably go tell the others.

I spent a lot of time with Pat,

I spook them.

I spy something very trustworthy. It has hair.

I stand by that.

I think I already know

I think I killed him!

I think I left them inside!

I think I'm ready to be alone again.

I think people can make their own decisions.

I think we might be in Cher's house.

I think we're all coming apart at the seams a little bit.

I think we're all overreacting.

I think you shot the wrong person.

I think you should go be with her.

I thought I'd treat us with a Golden Gate Bridge

I thought maybe we should reclaim them,

I thought my name was Pat. Uh, boom.

I thought we were friends. I thought I could trust you.

I thought your name was Erica," I'm gonna punch you in the face!

I thought your name was Erica. Boom.

I thought your name was Lewis. Boom.

I told you he was crazy.

I took care of beeswax.

I tried, but you were so excited about it,

I trust you, here.

I understand, Pat.

I walked right into it

I want to know what you want me to shoot first,

I was a surgeon.

I was just walking, and this thingy fell from the ceiling.

I was not business partners with my lover.

I was such a mess, she pulled a gun on me.

I would avoid that area.

I wrote, "We're all going to diet."

I... I actually need a volunteer.

I... I just... I just can't connect with her.

I'd do her, I'd do her, I'd...

I'd like to.

I'd love it.

I'd love your help.

I'll be in the bedroom.

I'll do that.

I'll get to spend more time with you now, though.

I'll give them the news.

I'll go over there and check it out.

I'll shoot. I'm serious.

I'm a murderer, I'm coming for you right now...

I'm a neck snapper!

I'm an astronaut. I I just came from space.

I'm being very sincere here:

I'm certainly not one of the jackasses,

I'm CJ. Jujitsu is my game!

I'm doing something similar, but with axes.

I'm eating my fingers

I'm eating my fingers!

I'm fine.

I'm going to Napa.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I'm gonna be just fine.

I'm gonna chew it and chew it and chew it and chew it.

I'm gonna chew me so much damn ice.

I'm gonna do it with

I'm gonna give it to you.

I'm gonna need another pee break. Over.

I'm gonna need... need a minute.

I'm gonna turn in.

I'm guessing you think you're Noah?

I'm just gonna come right out and say it:

I'm just having trouble reading your emotions.

I'm just stretching my legs. Been in the car for so long.

I'm just trying to catch my breath a little, you know.

I'm leaving tomorrow!

I'm leaving tomorrow!

I'm my own person, and I'm going back if Gail goes back.

I'm nervous that you're gonna tase me.