Vamps (2012) Soundboard Edit

Actually, I like that one better.

Ah, look at this.

All right, cool.

All right, leave the guns.

And any human feeders you know.

And everyone came to the Village to be beatniks.

And I assume there is a boyfriend

And I stupidly let myself fall in love.

And I understand we have a lawyer here.

And I've never imagined to feel this way about somebody

And if they wake up and try to climb out of their coffin,

And it goes with everything.

And let's face it, we're wimps.

And my daughter married Peter Meester,

And suddenly, nights were as bright as daytime

And the clothes and the music.

And they're bringing me in for an audit.

And you know what? I really should check

Anything to do with Homeland Security

Are you guys getting along, or, uh...

Aren't you a bad boy?

Assholes Insult People More Talented Than Them.

Because of the Patriot Act.

But how are we gonna find Cisserus?

But I need my computer to tell me sunrise and sunset.

But I'd be a mom.

But I've always looked on the bright side.

But in the '90s, my stem turned Stacy.

But it's all gonna be on my phone. So hold on.

But things got a lot better in the '80s.

Chaplin, Keaton, Cagney...

Cisserus would have to be killed.

Come on, my parents won't be home until tomorrow.

Come on. Let's just go dance

Danny.

Do I look like I work for the government?

Do you want to have a girlfriend

Every time I turned on the History Channel,

Ew.

Except for Cisserus, we have all the stems

Excuse me

Excuse me, ma'am. I need you to back up, please.

Fine. Yay!

Flickers.

Guess what Joey wants to do this weekend?

Ha ha. It's the only thing I have that looks respectful.

Have any of you ever been there?

He was one of the most sadistic figures in history.

Hell no, we won't go

Hell no, we won't go! Hell no...

Here you go. Right there

Hey, my parents believed in witches.

Hi.

Hold on. You still can't find your mouth

How does that even..

How long were you guys together?

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

How much better they will look on me.

I am not gonna use any hypnotism.

I feel like a pizza guy.

I feel like I'm really, like, tripping right now.

I get halfway here and realize it needs gasoline

I hate when she's in town.

I have abstained from the fluids of homo sapiens

I have to get movies for my wife before the store closes.

I just have to do one thing first.

I know.

I like my almanac.

I mean, do they seem serious?

I need privacy to do this.

I spit into him to stop the stroke.

I'd be in my '40s.

I'm a dentist.

I'm going to see Danny. I wanna look nice.

I'm never going again. The performance was ghastly

If you're here and he's there, why don't you talk?

It's an old Van Helsing recipe.

It's an old wives' tale, right?

It's just not for young people.

Jane Rutherford, who chairs several committees.

Jazz babies and flappers owned the night.

Joey, can you go get one of those pretzel things?

Joey!

Just get me on cargo before dawn.

Just like your mother.

Look at him.

Maybe you should court someone your own age.

Maybe.

My entire life

No matter what's going on in the world,

No, the pregnancy will end by itself.

No.

Not going to work, Pops.

Oh, careful. It's got silver bullets in it.

Oh, my God.

Okay, but what's with the hat?

Okay.

Reminds me of being hopeful.

So get me the goddamn chart.

So if it wasn't for Goody, I would be dead

Sorry.

Stacy, my mother and father.

Still, I mean, it's a little nutty, isn't it?

Suckerin' succotash.

Thank you.

That I knew were the early symptoms,

There. You happy now?

There's always someone protesting or petitioning,

They just don't get it, you know?

They thought you were a bit pale.

To meet someone amazing.

Told you my family's nuts.

Ukrainian.

We had a fling.

We won't make out.

We're the oldest ones here.

What did you do to Ivan?

What if we give them birth control?

What the...

What?

When were you awakened?

Yeah, and I'm not talking five, 10 years here

Yeah, but she's sloppy. And conceited.

Yeah!

Yeah.

You all right?

You don't know her resting place?

You feel anything?

You hate junk food.

You have rounder eyes,

You have sworn off human blood

You showed me how to have fun.

You think everyone is a vampire.

You were afraid of it the other night.

You'll open this door.

You're late.

Your mother never mentioned why she just disappeared?

Your wife is very sweet.

20.

53rd Street.

Do you sleep with henchmen?

Ghuri, the Turkish stem. Hi, Ghuri.

Help me. Okay, okay.

Hey.

Hey. Hi, Ivan.

Hi, I'm Joey. Hi, I'm Stacy.

Hi, I'm Stacy. Hi, Stacy.

Hi, Sarah. And this is our friend Renfield.

I don't know about this one. Why not?

I'll go with. Oh.

No. No. Yeah. Yeah.

Of course. Thanks.

Oh, did you see that cute one? Mm hmm.

Oh... Look at this.

Ow!

put on a black cape... But I think beings

That's me. Yeah.

Then I'm gonna look around. Okay, cool.

What do I care? Well, if you keep acting

What's this thing? Ah, well...

Whoa, check it out. I know, it's crazy.

Yeah. Okay.

Yes. Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?

'cause I don't even remember,