The IT Crowd (2006) - Season 1 Edit

A big girly night out!

A bit stress is all and... just fun and games.

A classified?

A Dr. Melfi to your Tony Soprano?

A few tips on how to manage stress?

A friendship which ended so suddenly,

A glass of water maybe.

A glass of water maybe.

A hammer.

A huge pair of Doc' Martins,

A lingerie catalogue for a Cathy Morgan Foreman.

A lot of sexy people not doing much work... and having affairs.

A muffin? How can you be hungry,

A people person like me

A plan? Let me put on my slightly larger glasses.

A planch for the computers?

A punchy character.

A really funny story,

A stress machine!

A war on disease!

Absolutely Roy!

Accounts!

Actually you know what?

Actually, do you have a card?

Actually, I don't think that's fair...

Actually, I'm gonna...

Actually, no, you were right. It was Mozart.

Adam saw greater things for me.

After another disappointing day.

After his father died. I don't think he ever fully recovered.

After what has been a momentous week for this company.

After... what I gather, was a rather sensational evening with Bill Crouse!

Ah it's not all that bad!

Ah, come on Roy! It's pretty bad...

Ah, thanks mom.

Ah! The bright side!

Ah! There it goes! Yes, raise up!

Air conditioning.

All because those two from accounts

All I was gonna say was...

All of the players running up...

All of them!

All right then, now you take care.

All right, let's have a look at you, you mad thing.

All right, sorry.

All right, thanks Denholm.

All right, yeah I will, yeah.

All right.

All right.

All right. Okay.

All the different kinds of women.

All... of that computer gobbledegook,

All... the way down to the basement.

Almost all of them work with computers.

Alone.

Alright, alright.

Although I should just say I'm not very good at lying.

Although that's just as exciting, I might even use these.

Always.

Amateur hour!

An e mail?! It's a fire! Where...

An in? No!

And a big card!

And believe you me, we will be there when you do!

And better looking drivers

And connect you up to the matrix?

And do it as a team!

And don't tell me you don't feel the same!

And even a little bit... well...

And even if they did go on,

And ever since then, whenever I go up,

And everyone has signed it!

And finally, last but not least...

And frightened a dog!

And he's got a... fire! Fire! Fire!

And help me out with my shoes!

And how come you never see Goths driving cars?

And huh, we were so drunk that we decided to hire prostitutes.

And I don't know what it means!

And I don't wanna go out with the biggest loser in England...

And I started crying like an actress!

And I still bet I'll get a bezillion replies.

And I think I should tell them, but often I just look away.

And I think you're ready now to do without our sessions.

And I want to limitate its influence in my life,

And if it's already off...

And in fact, everyone thinks you're so brilliant,

And it drives me up the wall.

And it was the "Do you want to phone a friend"...

And it'd be so easy, wouldn't it?

And it's all because of Aunt Irma.

And it's between me and the door.

And it's gonna go bang!

And it's not fair! It's not fair!

And just relax there.

And just walk away!

And leave me alone you goblin!

And listen Richmond, I've always wanted to know yeah,

And look out this window for a while.

And now you're running four feet in heaven...

And offered to come here and perform for us!

And one thing led to another and I just... stole it!

And running down it again. Such athleticism!

And she just left the room shouting: "the shoes!".

And that en likening of her became a friendship.

And that now, I have to spend a lot of time in therapy.

And that's not the only thing that's changing.

And that's really sweet, but,

And the other one's even worse.

And the real reason I terminated your therapy

And the whole rainforest dies.

And the, the floating head.

And then you nearly walked into the canal!

And there are other people here who need me more.

And they need a new manager.

And this helps cool it down.

And this one:

And we are perfectly fine down here, thank you very much,

And we'll see if she picks up on it

And we've never had these problems before.

And we've taken far too much of your time.

And when they arrived to the hotel, we were too scared to do anything,

And when you're talking about computers,

And while I was working on it, she rested a cup on my back.

And you are getting the prawn bites with spicy salsa.

And you don't know why you're here, or what you do.

And you don't want to end up in middle of invalid memory.

And you know how I feel about stress...

And you must be the woman he phoned! Brilliant!

And you'd have a bit of light in here.

And your big m... shoes!

And...

And...

And... annoyed...

Any other ideas?

Anyhow, can't mourn all the ruddy day, so...

Anyone interested in coming along picking up

Anyone still experiencing stress at the end of the day...

Anyway, what were we talking about?

Anyway! I'd better fix this drawer.

Are as red as a fire engine!

Are you all right?

Are you all right?

Are you lost? How can I help you? I'm Roy.

Are you sure it's okay to come out?

Are you sure you're a 5?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

As for you... you're fucked up!

As I was saying...

As long as no one goes through that door.

As soon as this meeting is over.

As the go to guy on anything

As you may or may not know, for ethical reasons,

Asking everyone's opinions.

At least, everything is back to normal.

At this dreadful hour

At this precise moment.

Basically, if you want to

Bastard!

Bastard!

Beaches... or... Dirty Dancing!

Because he was always talking about who he slept with.

Because I know what's good for you.

Because I said Jen was dead, that time.

Because I'm pregnant.

Because I'm wearing ear plugs.

Because it was around that time that

Because she's dead!

Because you know, jam lasts for ages...

Because you said on your CV you had a lot of experience with computers.

Because, um,

Because, you remember what happened last time, right?

Before I got the question wrong.

Behold!

Being involved in any stage of the food production process.

Besides it's a boring story.

Bill Crouse, he's saying he slept with you last night.

Bill, you dog!

Bill?

Bizarre in my life!

Blew my mind.

Bloody drawer!

Bloody good of you to come, thanks.

Bloody good service, wasn't it? Yeah?

Bloody hell!

Bloody lens.

Body, Doyle, Tiger, the Jewellery Man!

Both classic signs of stress!

Both here, and here...

Brilliant, excellent! It's a super machine!

Brilliant!

Brilliant!

Brilliant! Same thing I..

Brilliant.

Bring it down! Just bring it down.

Broken down!

Busy!

But all women just want bastards.

But for the last few months,

But he's been under there too long for reasonable explanation.

But how?

But how?!

But I can learn.

But I found the best thing to do with the new employee

But I have to say thank you to a few people

But I met him there by the lift, and he just went... mental!

But I swear to God that there's nothing to it in my case!

But I thought you didn't want to go.

But I threw away my other shoes, what am I supposed to wear?

But I wasn't informed of any changes to this department.

But I'm having to do this in the toilet of my mom's house.

But I'm not gonna tell you when...

But I've been feeling depressed!

But it all changed.

But it doesn't mean you have to live like animals, you know...

But it's actually a very delicate ecosystem.

But Jonathan Miller over here.

But nonetheless, go ahead! Thank you very much!

But now...

But Roy is not a desk rabbit, he's my best friend.

But she can't see past a little bit of shit on my forehead!

But she said I could come out.

But something was wrong.

But that's probably going to be

But that's stealing!

But the rainforest and...

But this has been brilliant.

But we did have to pay for all the rides.

But we're on the phone now.

But when I have the baby,

But when we notice this, and believe me we will notice this,

But why can it wait? She probably needs to get on,

But you can't even tell us...

But you cannot tell the entire I.T. community

But, I've just received a telephone call,

But...

But... you did the work!

By jumping to conclusions, so I've sent an e mail out

By the lack of faith you both display.

Bye Jen, see you.

Bye, Small Paul!

Call me Denholm!

Can I ask you two a question?

Can we just move on?

Can you get me his address?

Can't even find a bloody pen in here!

Can't Jen, trust me.

Case closed!

Cathy Morgan Foreman, who is Cathy Morgan Foreman?

Cathy works in the department of Shulupust.

Cathy works in...

Champagne...

Changed my life.

Cheers.

Cheese string?

Chris Tarrant, hello!

Clap him man!

Classical music is the extraordinary answer to that question.

Clicking... double clicking...

Come here! Come here!

Come in!

Come on you crazy bitch!

Come on, come on Ritchley... Street, Ritchley Street.

Come on, get brush! Come on!

Come on, Moss! We need to get to work.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! It's my turn with the bottle.

Come on! No one would use that sort of information against us.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on fellow.

Come on. Get your money ready. 20 pounds.

Come on. How much?

Come, Moss. Don't be silly.

Completely.

Computer is broken!

Computer system!

Computer... thing you know, e mails...

Computers! Computers!

Correct.

Could I try on your new glasses?

Could I, say a few words?

Could we please concentrate on what's important,

Could you deal with it? I just hate spiders.

Could you have a word with Moss and Roy?

Could you have a word?

Cradle of Filth are actually

Cradle of Filth, I presume that's a band.

Damn it Roy! I never thought it would come to this!

Daniel, you're still here.

Daniel...

Daniel's doing very well although he has just used his 50/50.

Dark thoughts?

Darkness... night...

Das haus die Frau...

Dawn! Get onto recruitment.

Dear...

Define "hit it off"?

Demands a little more attention than my feet, don't you?

Denholm's just thanked me for Project Iccarus

Derk, Banhead and Doodles proved them wrong!

Did anybody get her number?

Did she continue talking to you once you'd fixed her computer?

Did you and her... hit it off?

Did you ear anyone laughing?

Did you ear anyone laughing?

Did you get it fixed?

Did you have a nice week end?

Did you notice how she didn't even get excited

Did you see "I'm a Millionaire" last night?

Did you see that look?

Did you tell everyone I was dead?

Did you use a soldering iron to make that stress machine?

Didn't know what a stress machine was this morning and now we have 2 of them.

Didn't... Are you... I thought you were sick or something.

Distant.

Do I amaze you?

Do these me make look like a bastard?

Do we have PMT?

Do what you need and just go.

Do you always wear shades?

Do you feel stress now, Jen?

Do you feel stressed Jen? Jen? Jen?

Do you know one woman who isn't obsessed with shoes?

Do you mean the story when I lost my glasses?

Do you not like Aunt Irma? I've got...

Do you remember me? Can I have a go in your machine now?

Do you remember the Internet at this speed?

Do you think they did that to him?

Do you wanna come and join me?

Do you want me to connect up your phone?

Does Aunt Irma visit on the week end?

Does he?

Does that make you feel stressed?

Doesn't he realise that lying can lead to very serious ramifications?

Don't be silly you never dist

Don't be silly.

Don't be stupid, it's cold. Taxi!

Don't break down, you bitch!

Don't clog it up like you usually do.

Don't forget to flush the toilet

Don't get on her nerves.

Don't let me disturb you, I just wanted to come

Don't let me push you away!

Don't step on it.

Don't use my name to start leching around on 5th.

Don't worry, I wasn't about to look foolish

Don't worry, I'm not really going to ask myself any questions.

Don't worry, though. I'm sitting on the toilet but I'm not using it.

Don't you dare going too fast, no!

Double flash.

Dracula...

Due to the increased interconnectivity

Eight?

El casa del signorita...

Elton John and told him about her,

Elton John is going to sing a beautiful song about death.

Empty!

Escort them from the premises.

Even the tiniest bit,

Events seem to be taking a downward turn.

Ever since they got famous, they've been at each other's throats.

Every department is working at three times usual speed...

Every time I used to phone I.T. in my last job

Everybody else is there, and they did nothing

Everyone except muggins here.

Everyone is having having fun, fun, fun.

Everyone knows that a certain Mr. Moss might be looking for his cup...

Everyone needs a place to come to be alone.

Everyone on floor 4 is fired.

Everything is connected.

Evidently not.

Except that we listen to Cradle of Filth.

Excrement, it was chocolate.

Excuse me.

Fancy to dance.

Feelings towards you.

Fine.

Fire!

Fire...

First thing tomorrow.

Flash.

Flash.

Flash.

Floor 34.

For God's sake!

For God's sake!

For not acting like a team!

For starters, yes.

For your information, I do not lech

From the moment I saw him at the funeral,

From today, dialling 999 won't get you the emergency services.

Fuck!

Funniest thing I've seen in ages.

Gandhi?

Get a bike!

Get a clown over here, please!

Get back to your room!

Get it clean, you'll have some light in here.

Get off me! Get...

Get out of the lift...

Get up there now, please.

Girl on fifth...

Give us a look at the picture then.

Glenn Close! Sheila Riston!

Go on! Break something!

Go on! Stamp your feet!

Go on.

Go to your office, and wait for me.

Goat's cheese salad?

God bless them! What would we do without though?

God, I miss Jen!

God, sorry Richmond, sorry. I always forget you work here.

God! Dear God!

God! I hope he doesn't come in again!

God! I was really looking forward to that, you know.

God! I'm a bastard!

Goddamme! Ladies!

Godzilla!

Good bye!

Good lech?

Good luck!

Good morning!

Good night!

Good people.

Good, well Moss...

Good!

Good!

Goodbye, Jen.

Google our names!

Gosh, it's very cold in here, isn't it?

Got a little bit there!

Great sir, thank you. OK. Where am I going?

Great!

Great.

Guess who was on it last night!

Guys, come on! You're fighting!

Guys! You gonna have to...

Hang on, guys.

Hard to get your head round, you know?

Harm with the self.

Harmony! What harmony?

Has it got to that part with the boatman?

Has this ever happened to you?

Have a bath?

Have a bath?!

Have you caught it yet?

Have you seen her baby?

Have you tried forcing an unexpected reboot?

Have you tried sticking it up your arse?

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Haven't you got it yet?

He asked me out... on the show...

He caught me by surprise.

He dropped everything,

He feels like... Godzilla!

He is a foolish boy!

He is Europe's leading stress expert.

He loves declaring war!

He must be!

He obviously hasn't told you about the funeral.

He once ate a copy of Loaded for a bet.

He seems really nice.

He think you're dead,

He wants to see you.

He was the last person to sleep with her.

He'll realise in a second...

He's asked me to ask you a question.

He's building up to us!

He's not horrible, he's lovely! He's a lovely little monkey!

He's not in his room, he's supposed to be in his room.

He's on a very brief personal call right now.

He's saying what?

He's supposed to be in his room.

He's the one you should be angry at!

Head wound!

Hello computer!

Hello Denholm.

Hello I.T.?

Hello I.T.?

Hello Maurice.

Hello Richmond.

Hello there little lady!

Hello there, Jen!

Hello there!

Hello there.

Hello, Cathy!

Hello, Daniel! I mean, hello.

Hello, Daniel.

Hello, I.T., have you tried turning it off and on again?

Hello, I.T.?

Hello, I.T.?

Hello, IT! .

Hello, IT...

Hello, Judy?

Hello, Security?

Hello, Small Pall!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello! Hello!

Hello! Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello? I.T.,

Hello? I've had a bit of a tumble...

Hello? Is this the emergency services?

Hello.

Hello. I was just wondering...

Hello...

Hello... Hello computer...

Help me get my shoes on before Denholm comes!

Help me get my shoes on! I gotta get my shoes on!

Her words the other day, moved me deeply.

Here it comes.

Here we are!

Here we go.

Here you can have your 20 back.

Here.

Here's me saying some pretty important stuff

Here's me with a graph.

Hey guys!

Hey you!

Hey, back off, bastard! This lady's busy!

Hey, I've had a few girlfriends. I'm not completely oblivious!

Hey, Moss.

Hey, this is fun.

Hey, um, what was the name of that girl,

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Bit more careful with the clown shoe there, Mister.

Hey! Hello.

Hey! What's going on?

Hey...

Hi Jen. I'm just enjoying this cup of tea.

Hi, girls.

Hi, uh, something's wrong with my computer.

Hi!

Hi! Is... Roy around?

Hide the stress machine!

His eyes?

Hiya!

Hiya!

Hope this doesn't embarrass you Jen,

How about that cup of tea now?

How about that then?

How are things?

How are you gonna tell your children?

How are you?

How big are the girls?

How big is... Whoa! Hey now!

How can I help?

How can you fail to mention...

How can you two live like this?

How could I talk about all that computer stuff,

How dare you?!

How did she hear about this?

How did you even hear about this, mom?

How do you know about this site?

How exciting!

How hard is it to remember 911?

How is my soldier?

How nice is this?

How nice is this?

How will you prove it to me, Roy?

How would I get on her nerves?

How would I go about doing that?

How you doing Jen?

How...

How... how did you get the stress machine Roy?

How's anyone supposed to know it's yours?

Hyena screeching!

I actually haven't had a proper go yet.

I actually recommend my good friend Roy there

I agree, yeah.

I am a complete tool.

I am a giddy goat!

I am a man! He's a man! We're men!

I am declaring war!

I am so.

I am sorry that my gift...

I asked her out once,

I basically live on sugar

I believe Mr. Renholm has a few words.

I bet he declares war on something!

I can feel the heel going into the shoe.

I can just hear her now...

I can see that got your attention.

I can't be done! You're crazy!

I can't believe he lied like that.

I can't believe I'd never seen "Steel Magnolias"!

I can't believe there's a psychiatrist in the building.

I can't believe you want me back.

I can't explain it.

I can't go to prison Roy!

I cannot believe you're going to tell on me.

I cost 31,000 pounds.

I could have saved you the trouble.

I could just kill myself.

I could tell there was something different.

I couldn't be better, I've just won Employee of the Month.

I couldn't put my finger on it

I cycle to work... everyday!

I did say that on my CV, yes.

I did too.

I didn't do anything, I don't know why I'm down here.

I didn't even know she was pregnant.

I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal.

I didn't even know they had Employee of the Month here.

I didn't know there were anyone else down here.

I didn't!

I do not think that you are suicidal.

I don't believe it!

I don't care!

I don't know any of these stuff even does.

I don't know anything about computers, I mean...

I don't know how it got there but uh...

I don't know if it's the loss of blood

I don't know their names.

I don't know what happened.

I don't know what to say really it's fun...

I don't know which one to watch either!

I don't know why they just couldn't keep it as it was!

I don't know, I feel weird.

I don't know!

I don't know! Use your womanly ways!

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know... I don't know... it...

I don't like goat's anything!

I don't like goats...

I don't really like sharing.

I don't really think the bet proved anything. Taxi!

I don't see why things can't get back to the way they were.

I don't think he likes me now.

I don't think I'd flourish in a prison environment.

I don't think that's Elton John.

I don't think you're a bastard at all.

I don't understand why they've done this?

I don't wanna be rude or anything

I even love saying the word "team".

I feel delicate.

I feel like I'm on top of the world.

I feel ridiculous even saying it but...

I felt I should warn you.

I forgot to turn this thing on.

I get that, don't you?

I got the child edition and the adult edition

I guess this is "arrivederci".

I hate it when people don't listen to me!

I hate Jamie Cullum.

I hate to generalize, you know that.

I hate to remind everyone but I've just destroyed a merger

I have a dinner date with that man.

I have a little more class than that, thank you very much.

I have invited Dr. Julian Holmes

I have lots of experience with the whole...

I have to hack into his private company account,

I have to say I feel a little bit insulted

I have to tell you I've a little confession to make.

I have to tell you something.

I have to.

I haven't the heart to move them.

I heard it was some bad tapas.

I hope I'm not in any danger.

I just came in for a little chat.

I just can't believe it!

I just can't get over it.

I just don't know what to say.

I just got a big load of flowers,

I just need to take my shoes off.

I just realised that was my mother.

I just... I really need to get drunk.

I knew it.

I know her.

I know it's terrible, but,

I know that that's what you psychiatrists think!

I know what this is. It's the new Harry Potter.

I know you wanna party!

I know, I know, I'm joking, I'm fine!

I know, terrible, terrible thing.

I know! Just stop doing this! You're always doing this!

I know! Yep.

I know... Apparently, she was pretty hard stuff!

I left Moss and Richmond in charge.

I lie and I lie and...

I lie!

I lie...

I looked down and saw that it was my father!

I love the way the smoke seems to be coming off the top of it.

I mean fire!

I mean for a start you could clean that window

I mean I know nobody comes down here,

I mean look at that CD tray.

I mean the fire incident! Of course I mean the fire incident!

I mean what was she thinking?

I mean,

I mean, her last boyfriend was Simon from 3rd.

I mean, how did that even happen?

I mean, when I was her age,

I mean...

I mean... I had a dream that I was pregnant.

I met Richmond.

I might as well pack up and go home.

I myself have been subject to some terrible rages.

I myself, have been subject to some...

I need a felt tip pen, and some paper.

I need a good restaurant.

I need to attend to.

I now know that treating someone differently

I now try not to go at home, now.

I often work at nights so, perhaps that's why you haven't seen me.

I pop out occasionally when I have to get supplies.

I really am losing quite a lot of blood!

I really envy women with dainty feet.

I said why we don't go out with the I.T. guys more often?

I save it up!

I see, well let's move on...

I see.

I see...

I see...

I shouldn't have used the word "plan"!

I stall... How?

I startled you a bit.

I suppose I'll get it! No, that is not a phone.

I think a fire in the office