Benson (1979) - Season 1 Edit

A bag of potato chips,

A bear. A bear.

A beautiful woman, gorgeous.

A bent nail, to be precise.

A billion dollar complex if nobody can get to it.

A box of raisin flakes. An old box of raisin flakes.

A ceremony decorating one... one of his generals

A clear conscience.

A couple of more days to break me in.

A couple? A few.

A day or two before we got the results.

A dental plan for the beavers.

A doctor here? Good luck.

A few friends and you to fill in the dull spots.

A few minutes ago?

A few more signatures and I'm done for the night.

A friend to all living things.

A ghost?

A ghost?

A ghost?

A ghost.

A guard saw someone running across the lawn.

A hundred year old ghost is rattling around here

A lady like you looks good in my limousine.

A little cranky this morning, are we?

A little dancing, a little champagne.

A little fever, a little congestion, you call that sick?

A little salad?

A long and meaningful association.

A lot of people saw him come in here

A lot of people who care about you

A loyal, dedicated and hard working staff.

A man can only take so much of your...

A man who has done so much to bring

A man who wears pajamas to work.

A man with whom we've just completed an extraordinary trade agreement.

A midget and once as a Shetland pony.

A military genius.

A mirror.

A picture fell from the wall, that's all.

A plow? How do you call a plow?

A poem?

A present from me.

A real baron.

A real breeding ground for anarchy and moral decay.

A real slick operator, tough to catch.

A secret part of me is hoping that Taylor doesn't win.

A son? I have a son.

A Third World country.

A time like what?

A what?

A window! Well, I certainly hope somebody's looking into it.

A woman is like a violin.

A woman like you could do a lot worse than a man like me.

A wonderful guy I knew in high school named Robert Malone.

About 100 miles from here.

About a certain matter that you said you didn't know anything about

About being used as a human guinea pig.

About George Washington,

About him, about the government,

About money or raises.

About needing more money to feed their kids,

About so high.

About that job in the home office.

About the consequences.

About the same as me becoming King of Sweden.

About what happened in your room the other day...

About what, sir?

About what?

About what?

About what?

About what?

About your first pair of galoshes.

About your lives.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely right!

Absolutely, great idea.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Acceptable to the public.

According to this survey I received.

According to this survey,

Ach, don't remind me. I have enough trouble sleeping as it is.

Actually prefer me to Governor Gatling by 11 percentage points.

Actually, I haven't started yet. I keep putting it off.

Actually, the newspaper wasn't printed today.

Adding more mirrors?

Additional monies can be allocated from the general fund

Administrations come, administrations go, Benson, und I stay.

Adores me, and look what I'm doing.

After 3:00.

After a guy who could have been a rat?

After all my work.

After all that work we did on it.

After all the ways I try to please him,

After all, I learned something from seven years on the couch.

After all, the early bird gets the worm.

After Eddie and I captured the Japanese waiter.

After Hartwick was murdered,

After Korea, I got a job on an assembly line.

After that it went thunk thunk.

After these few years.

After what he did to the living room,

After what I've been through, I deserve a party.

Again, it was a pleasure meeting you. Excuse me.

Ah, Benson. Here you are.

Ah, come on, give me a break, huh?

Ah, how thoughtful.

Ah, it just couldn't be better. Good.

Ah, kids are funny.

Ah, Kraus, um, uh, what are you doing here?

Ah, Kraus.

Ah, Sergeant Kingsley,

Ah, so you've already instructed Lorraine as to our telephone procedures?

Ah, the teenage heartthrob.

Ah, there's no such thing, Katie.

Ah, und what you call boys your own age who are cute?

Ah, we used to have such parties when I was her age.

Ah, while you're here, get Commissioner Hazlitt for me.

Ah, yes, about Daddy.

Ah, yes, yes. You must be one of them.

Ah, you heard it all before, huh?

Ah! Very good!

Ah. Down the hall.

Ah. Nothing to do, eh, Benson?

Ah. Perfect.

Ahem.

Ain't that the truth?

All day long I am being chased by a motorized maniac.

All dressed up and no place to go.

All good, I hope. Mostly.

All he's gonna do is nod his head

All he's trying to do is run the state the way you want him to.

All I can say is it's been tense.

All I had to do was go to meetings,

All I know is this trip makes terrific press.

All I need now is my paper.

All my friends would come over und gather in the kitchen to stuff sausage.

All proof that this can work.

All right, all kidding aside,

All right, all of you. Okay.

All right, all right, leave it.

All right, ask her what happened to my catcher's mitt.

All right, Benson, out with it!

All right, Benson, when were you elected President?

All right, Benson.

All right, Benson. But you've got to get him in here

All right, Father. I'll see you later.

All right, Governor, fuel allocation proposals.

All right, I'll go.

All right, I'm back.

All right, let's get spruced up around here and get things organized.

All right, maybe this is a bit much,

All right, Mr. Fix It.

All right, read the speech again, Governor.

All right, sir,

All right, Taylor, you've made your point

All right, that clears that up.

All right, that should do it.

All right, we'd better go.

All right, we're all adults.

All right, we're ready. And...

All right, well, how would you feel if I told you that

All right, what is it that you want?

All right, what's this all about? Katie.

All right, where is he? Who?

All right, Yates, let's go.

All right? He's got everybody completely fooled. Oh.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Let me ask you that. What are you doing about it?

All right. Now, if you'll just sit up here on the table,

All right. Then as far as I'm concerned,

All right. We better get started.

All ten pins and the pin boy.

All that is past, Taylor. It's over.

All the money he puts into public relations

All the time I was growing up,

All the time I was growing up.

All the way from across town.

All the way from the capitol?

All the wire services are sending their reporters.

All this work and we have no secretaries.

All those harsh things I said to you.

All three flavors, red, white and pink.

All we did was get Miss Kraus upset.

All week long I've been calling my father a killer,

All you gotta do is put 'em in the pot.

All you gotta do is swallow. No one looks good chewing.

All you have to do is sign the documents and you're finished.

All you have to do is stand next to me, maybe give me a hug.

All you have to do is stand there.

ALL: Hi!

ALL: Morning, Governor.

ALL: Taylor.

ALL: You are?

Allow me to introduce myself. I am...

Almost 20% of the district is of the black persuasion.

Almost too well.

Almost two points.

Almost, Liebling. What is it?

Always doing stupid things.

Always trust your feelings.

Always under your feet.

Always.

Am I in your way?

Am I the object of your personal surveillance?

American G.I.s. They are all alike.

An advertisement in the newspaper.

An electrical problem

An excellent trade agreement with your country.

An impatient bunch of Elks waiting?

An unfavorable remark.

And a big traffic jam in the parking lot.

And a reservation doesn't mean his mind's made up.

And a very good one, I might add.

And additional taxation will not be required.

And after all, I said it.

And after he died, did he take a cab home?

And all I did was make a little joke about getting a raise in my pay.

And all the time

And all you're going to get is a big round of ho hum.

And another part of your job is not to bother me.

And as long as they're talking, there's hope.

And ask me, "How's the weather?"

And ask people what they think of the Highway Bill?

And based on your record, sir,

And be respected for doing their job?

And before I knew it, I'd proposed.

And Benson has always been here.

And Benson said,

And break a leg instead of a neck.

And bring 'em free elections

And bring your pad.

And by noon you have to be in Mountain Lake with the Oddfellows.

And by the time I finally got around to looking at my watch,

And Carol said if Howard didn't have time for her, she knew a man who did.

And change bulbs before they blow?

And change Ralph Nader's bulb.

And changes light bulbs before the old ones are worn?

And clash with the helmet.

And come back and see me when you can.

And come back to work when you're ready.

And completely forget about this place.

And could hardly keep their hands off one another?

And depressed. Me, too.

And despite the protestations

And dinner and breakfast.

And doing just that, no matter what.

And don't call me stupid, stupid.

And don't forget the poem.

And donuts, roll each other's hair,

And each car will be charged a nickel for its use.

And even if I did, I wouldn't admit it.

And everyone here is very dear to me.

And everyone knows what he looks like.

And find out what he's got to say?

And forceful. Good idea.

And forget our differences.

And found out about the experiment.

And found out there were four extra governors.

And get a whole new staff.

And get them oysters before you're diving in the river for them.

And getting worse every day.

And Governor Sutton isn't happy with his.

And guess who's going to run?

And half a bottle of bourbon to fire old Frank.

And has resulted in this agreement.

And have dinner with me at the captain's table?

And he didn't show? Oh, no, no, he showed up

And he got away with it, too, for a long time,

And he has a job.

And he hasn't even been here.

And he is planning to attend the hearing next week.

And he lost a few teeth

And he said to me, "Oh, you look so beautiful."

And he sort of died.

And he understood?

And he went to check and found an open window.

And he'll be well before we know it.

And he's done an incredible amount for his country.

And he's on his way now,

And he's quoted as saying that in his home

And he's reaching for my knee.

And he's telling me not to panic.

And he's thinking about consolidating them here.

And help out for a week while you got settled.

And here are Marcy's 35, too.

And how painful it must have been

And I can always cancel the 22nd?

And I can't do anything about you either.

And I cannot disappoint him.

And I didn't have any.

And I didn't know any of them,

And I don't think it's because of my smile,

And I expect to find a man waiting in my apartment.

And I got up to check on her.

And I have a very strict boss.

And I have decided to take your suggestion.

And I have the answer.

And I heard you were so brokenhearted

And I meant it.

And I must take that chance.

And I must've got my point across pretty well

And I need him to run the state more than I need you to run this house?

And I really appreciate it, but I'm fine.

And I really feel awful about it,

And I said, "Later."

And I said, "What clock?"

And I think she's messing up in school

And I thought it might be important.

And I thought you were watching your figure.

And I want some advice.

And I want to make it up to her.

And I was letting myself get rattled by the idea of a ghost.

And I was the oldest. It was expected.

And I was, right from the very first.

And I won.

And I won't take it from you.

And I'd like some coffee.

And I'd like to speak to you about your Chateau Daveneau.

And I'd think of a thousand things to say, I'll probably miss the plane,

And I'll bet you Miss Kraus knows what it is.

And I'll bet, you were stunning.

And I'll keep things going in the meantime.

And I'll make it up to her somehow.

And I'll see to it that you get a new catcher's mitt.

And I'll talk to her about it.

And I'm allergic to the sun.

And I'm being kind!

And I'm gonna stick around to make sure they get it.

And I'm not your mother.

And I'm so ugly on planes.

And I'm very concerned about

And I'm very sorry.

And I'm worried about something,

And I've done my duty and everybody's happy.

And I've got 24 more hours to suffer through.

And I've got two hours' worth of typing to do.

And I've made up my mind on this

And if he doesn't do the job you want,

And if he doesn't, he will disappear and never return again.

And if it's what I want, Gene'll do it.

And if that's cool,

And if the Governor's popularity keeps going down

And if there's any left over,

And in respect to

And in some rather strange places.

And it is all your fault.

And it pays more than she was getting here.

And it said, "There's only one way to win this game.

And it wasn't them.

And it'd be wonderful for Katie.

And it's going to be very embarrassing to you.

And it's gonna be a long time before I can trust you again.

And it's not your place to tell me my place.

And just between the two of us,

And just remember, the fate of an entire nation is riding on your shoulders.

And laughed.

And leaked it to that reporter.

And leave in a rocket.

And left again at 8:15 to go to a movie,

And let him know that he's still wanted back here.

And let the Governor look like a fool.

And let's say that it is also true

And listen, thanks for your cooperation on this.

And look at the mess he made.

And look what happened to you.

And look what I did to her and to me.

And made me watch.

And make a lot of promises.

And may I introduce the Queen of England?

And may I just say, sir, that no matter what anyone may think,

And may I say it is not only an honor

And maybe a few things you don't want to hear.

And most of the time I feel like an idiot.

And Mr. Nettleson will have all his money back,

And my glasses are frozen to my nose.

And neither are Marcy and me.

And neither did I, so?

And Nettleson Industries

And next time I'll vote for you. I promise.

And nine times out of ten it wasn't even me they wanted.

And no matter how hard he tries,

And none of us thought you would amount to anything.

And not hide behind a lot of empty phrases.

And not his father's.

And not like a little girl.

And nothing's gonna change my mind.

And now I got a storm trooper after my shoes.

And now that I have humility, I have everything.

And now we need you to help make that all happen.

And now you can't reach 'em.

And now you tell me he got up in front of everyone

And now?

And now... They said, "Yes, we'll talk later."

And one night, in the middle of the night,

And our guests are expecting to meet him tonight.

And out of the blue,

And perhaps we shall meet again as well.

And pick up the oysters?

And pink rooms, drive pink jeeps,

And rather than go by myself, I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.

And rejected because of the cost.

And right after you call him that, you better run like hell.

And scooping up all the pennies.

And settle down, and now maybe he and...

And she just sat around ten years waiting for you to propose?

And she said you said okay.

And she sent me a thank you note

And she was the sugar plum fairy.

And so far the federal government hasn't helped us.

And so I apologize.

And so is your common sense.

And so the finance committee is going to grant your raise effective immediately.

And so, ladies and gentlemen of the press,

And sort of went with it.

And stay away from the buzz saws.

And take care of it myself.

And talk to the man.

And teaching me how to play poker.

And tell the Governor that I'm still out here?

And thanks so much for the advice on my insurance coverage.

And that concludes our ceremony.

And that goes for the rest of us,

And that has to take top priority right now.

And that way we can help clear you.

And that's a pretty tough thing for a friend to accept.

And that's not the only thing that's gonna be in a sling.

And that's what we were counting on.

And the dogs tried to kill me,

And the Governor and the Baron.

And the Governor will just have to miss the Snow Fairy.

And the job would still get done.

And the morbidly curious.

And the people have somebody honest in the capital.

And the public finds out about this,

And the rainfall, which is 37 inches, you know.

And the shrimp are huge and tender...

And the State and President Ocassi.

And the teeth marks didn't match up, you see.

And the three of us will take this bedroom.

And then he hit me with it.

And then he ordered champagne from room service.

And then he whipped the daylights out of me.

And then he'd tell our folks that I did it to him.

And then I called to thank her for the thank you note,

And then I will destroy you.

And then I'd really catch heck.

And then I'll get them theirs.

And then Oregon will probably move them someplace else and some more will die.

And then the next minute, for no reason,

And then when you did, I got jealous,

And then wrote "help" in the snow.

And then you want to convince me that nothing happened?

And then, he took a step toward me and he went...

And then, like a miracle, I saw them.

And then... then he picked up his spoon,

And there is a personality problem

And there was a chemical plant near that river,

And there's no other way?

And there's nothing I can do about it, except do what I'm doing.

And they couldn't tell before because the insulation looked okay.

And they did it so well, didn't they?

And they gotta see him go out.

And they had a boy, Running Bear Feldman.

And they must be let go.

And they need our equipment to help build their country

And they prance around sticking out their tongues.

And they won't take your word for it, huh?

And they're all gorgeous.

And they're all very good, by the way.

And they're going to be hostile.

And think up ways to save on heat and light.

And this inflation is killing them.

And this is the Governor's schedule for the morning.

And this, my friends, is a nail.

And to think he takes shorthand, too.

And took hotel management. Did you like it?

And utter indifference towards the aged.

And watch you work awhile.

And we are pulling them out.

And we can ski and play in the snow.

And we can't cancel the reception.

And we could all get the hell out of here!

And we do like her.

And we don't know where she is.

And we don't want him to be late.

And we dropped into your tunnel.

And we got nothing.

And we really have to hurry.

And we should keep you in the attic.

And we were behind by 13 7

And we were supposed to go to the opera this evening?

And went for a swim. When I came back,

And what about Kraus?

And what about Marcy?

And what about now? You're not a kid anymore.

And what the people did was they ate the other people

And what will I do for a fork? Oh.

And when I break your thumb, you'll be down to 7.

And when I do, it is going to be gigantic.

And when it's gone, it's gone.

And where did he do this dying?

And who knows, today beavers,

And why is security going around implying

And why should he? I'm boring.

And with absolute dignity.

And with flooded roads we can't build factories.

And would these people happen to be black?

And wrong.

And yet, whenever I can't sleep

And you always will be.

And you and I will have a conversation.

And you are still the same old Mean Gene.

And you belong in one.

And you better get to school.

And you blew it.

And you brought me and Eddie together.

And you can type down to there.

And you could use the contributions.

And you didn't even tell me? I just did.

And you don't get carsick? Oh, no.

And you expect me to believe that?

And you hardly touched a bite.

And you have a son. Congratulations.

And you haven't had any of the symptoms, right?

And you look just the same, too.

And you said it was okay.

And you seem to like me.

And you still don't know what he looks like.

And you talked to Monica's mother?

And you want us to get involved in your personal problems?

And you wanted to have a slumber party,

And you went and saved the beavers.

And you will be repaid in time.

And you won't leave this house all day.

And you.

And you'd never have known I was here, right?

And you'll be out of a good job.

And you'll save a lot of money.

And you're asking me if I want to drink his coffee?

And you're certainly entitled to your opinion.

And you're doing it very well.

And you're talking hamsters.

And you've been in here with me.

And you've got a great job, man.

And your endorsement could hurt me.

And your father yelled, "I'll fly the plane myself.

And your razor sharp mind,

And, Benson, I know the price I'm paying.

And, frankly, your popularity in this particular district, it's...

And, Gene, I want you to know,

And, I was confident that if Howard did,

And, I'll remember who helped me out.

And, listen, Katie,

And, uh, celebrating Martha's birthday party.

And, uh, Gretchen, she's a wonderful person,

And, well, then she talked and I listened,

Annoying.

Any crackers?

Any idea where it might be?

Any last minute things you want to tell me, Marcy?

Any luck with Miss Ellie?

Any messages? I'm expecting a very important phone call.

Any of it. It looks like a letter of resignation.

Anybody ever tell you what a gorgeous woman you are?

Anybody want anything to eat?

Anybody who'd stay up till 2:00 in the morning with Taylor

Anyhow, Miss Krauss,

Anyone else.

Anyone like him before in my life.

Anyone like some homemade fudge?

Anything else you wanna know?

Anything to nibble?

Anything you catch, you clean.

Anything you like.

Anytime.

Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea just to stick around today.

Apologize? To Englehart? He'll never fall for that.

Apply for the job at the home office

Are going to back someone else.

Are practically automatic.

Are the reporters here? Yes.

Are the rugs finished?

Are we snowed in?

Are we still friends?

Are you a bad judge of character!

Are you a Republican?

Are you all agreed? ALL: Yes.

Are you all crazy? ALL: Yes.

Are you all determined? ALL: Yes.

Are you all moving into the state, or what?

Are you all out of your cotton picking minds?

Are you all right? Yes, of course. It's nothing.

Are you all together? ALL: Yes.

Are you allowed to tell me who is?

Are you associated with the Baron?

Are you calling me a liar?

Are you completely devoid of feelings?

Are you crying because you made a typo?

Are you feeling better, Benson?

Are you finished?

Are you finished? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Are you gonna die, or what?

Are you gonna just do it until you drop?

Are you having a party?

Are you here to kick me while I'm down?

Are you Katie?

Are you kidding? He doesn't make a move without me.

Are you kidding? He'd kill me.

Are you kidding? I'm crazy about 'em.

Are you kidding? You're way ahead of me already.

Are you looking for it, too?

Are you saying that the Army

Are you saying they used germ warfare on me over there?

Are you sore because the Governor named the park after Delaney?

Are you still here? Still here.

Are you sure he's the governor?

Are you sure the Governor knows what he's doing?

Are you sure they're gonna have an inspection?

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Are you sure you're not going? Ja.

Are you sure, Benson?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Are you sure? Yeah.

Are you talking to me, sir?

Are you talking to me?

Are you the blonde that walks nude in the moonlight?

Are you through?

Are you trying to break our date?

Are you trying to tell me that you're above leaking something to the press?

Are you upset?

Aren't they beautiful?

Aren't you afraid of catching cold?

Aren't you afraid you'll hurt yourself

Aren't you coming, Taylor?

Aren't you director of household affairs?

Aren't you glad I didn't show up before the election?

Aren't you just a little curious

Aren't you overreacting just a little?

Artichokes are her favorite.

As a gesture of goodwill, I allowed one of them

As a matter of fact, I was in the service.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna go back again next year.

As far as the eye could see,

As I am sicker than you are.

As if it's our problem their kids are hungry.

As is his custom,

As long as that man is still in the house.

As long as you don't mind.

As my countrymen would say,

As my mother used to say,

As soon as I get some feeling back in my arms.

As soon as the press conference is over,

As soon as the results come in, you'll be the first to know.

As the day Taylor left.

As the statement of an insensitive and irresponsible child.

As the things that I love best.

As they say in my country,

As you know, beavers build dams which flood the roads

As you may be aware...

As you no doubt noticed,

Ask for her hand a little sooner.

Ask her to help you pack.

Ask him what Xerox is going to do.

Ask him.

Ask who, the ghost?

Asking you to come back.

Assuming you're still here.

At 10:00 you're addressing the Rotary Club

At a rather strange hour.

At dinner tonight, Benson...

At ease. Thank you.

At five cents a car,

At least I'd know my home was okay.

At least it was, until you came along,

At least Monica Townsand has an excuse.

At least that's my psychiatrist's opinion.

At least they could have the common decency

At least you can see who's mugging you.

At least you're working steady, Jake.

At my favorite uncle's.

At the airport?

At the arena tonight.

At the home office. He's gonna check it out.

At this time I would like to ask our esteemed guest, President Ocassi,

At this very moment she's monogramming the cocktail napkins.

Aunt Helga never got those things either.

Aunt Helga's G.I. told her he wanted to settle down, too.

Back there. Is he there?

Back to new.

Back up a minute.

Backing me against the Governor in the next primary?

Bad luck.

Barely conscious.

Baron, hello. Bonjour.

Baron... The Baron can't talk shop at the moment.

Based on whatever the opinion polls say.

Bates wanted this list of everybody who's made deliveries at the mansion

Bates, are you following this guy to catch him or to clean up after him?

Bates, get over here.

BATES: Go around and cover the side door.

Be a dear boy and fetch me a tumbler of Scotch, will you?

Be careful, my friend.

Be happy there's still five.

Beats a kick in the head.

Beats me.

Beavers don't vote.

Beavers. You know, beavers?

Because every time somebody'd say "Governor,"

Because he had to keep us going

Because he has some very nice qualities.

Because I can't put off any longer

Because I can't wait any longer.

Because I figured you'd know what to do.

Because I might make the dogs attack you if you don't believe me?

Because I think this might be of assistance to you

Because I want to talk to you and to find out...

Because I was spending my entire salary on underwear.

Because I'd only been speaking for an hour or so

Because I'm German.

Because I've been scared by some of the best.

Because if you weren't, I'd ask you to wait for me.

Because it looks like it is the old maid.

Because of all this cloak and dagger stuff.

Because of Lorraine?

Because she needs your attention.

Because some of the time I don't understand what's going on.

Because someone else can keep the office running

Because the Governor is really missing the boat...

Because there was no other Bloopo.

Because they won't take five minutes to talk to one another.

Because they've gotten so big.

Because we don't want anybody to know what we're doing.

Because we have a very, very big reception here tonight.

Because you feel sorry for me?

Because you've grown up so much.

Because, Benson, anything Bates is connected with

Because, I mean, you are here and you did know who I was.

Because, you see, the bridge will be completely paid for

Becomes known as the company that gave a damn about beavers.

Been to Smitty's yet? Smitty's?

Been waiting long?