Swordfish Edit

A bit too much like masturbation for me without the payoff.

A burnout now, but the hacker Zeitgeist then.

A couple million dollars that's federally insured?

A few minutes, huh?

A lot. Come here.

A multiheaded worm to sniff out digital footprints across an encrypted network.

A vacation? Have I ever failed you, sir?

A year ago, I was head of the largest cyber criminal task force in the world.

According to my FBI source, he was nabbed in customs at LAX.

Accounts, accounts.

Actually, sir, we don't know yet.

Actually, we have a ray of hope in the darkness of your life.

Add action or excitement, or change the direction of the entire campaign.

Advise Joy 20 minutes ETA at the airport.

Afraid not. Go.

Against my better judgment, I'm going to tell you who I am.

Airborne.

All for what? A bus, a plane?

All of it. Evenly over these accounts.

All on hi def, computer enhanced. You can almost taste the brain matter.

All right, look, look.

All right. Let's do it.

All shooters, you are holding for command.

Alrighty.

And I swear, if you try to contact her...

And it's a true 128 bit encryption.

And look at your situation, Stanley.

And then...

And this is 1976. There's no CNN. There's no CNBC. There's no Internet.

And you desperately want your daughter back.

And you passed.

And you're coming with us. It'll all be over in 24 hours.

Anyone who impinges on America's freedom.

Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?

Around their necks are radio frequency electronic dog collars.

Attention control, this has now become an aerial pursuit.

Baby!

Baby. Baby. Shit!

Back!

Bad guy can't win. It's a morality tale.

Besides...

Blue shirt, pinstripe.

Boyfriend gets a sex change. Live happily ever after.

Break the code.

Bring her down.

But I burned out.

But if he bites you, you got to put him down.

But politicians do.

But that's not the point. Helga. Meet Stanley.

But the truth is, I'm just like you.

But these companies started to make a lot of money.

But whatever you do, stay away from my child.

But you know what? It's all a façade.

But you think about it.

Can I borrow your car for something?

Can never tell who he might bite next. You understand?

Can't do that.

Chairman of the subcommittee on crime fishing in a catch and release stream.

Check this out.

Cheers.

Close.

Come and I'll explain it to you there.

Come here, come here!

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

Come on, Mom, pick up.

Come on, Stan.

Come on, Stanley. Let's get coffee.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Done. Give me my daughter.

Come on. Yeah.

Control, please let A. D. Joy know we're 20 minutes from the airport.

Could you be careful with that? That's expensive equipment.

Courtesy of the U.S. government.

Daddy!

Deal?

Did you know I can buy nuclear warheads in Minsk for 40 million?

Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

Do you like tequila, Stanley?

Do you see a Finnish flag hanging on the wall, IKEA boy?

DOD d base, 128 bit encryption. What do you think?

Don't do this, Mel. It's not good for Holly.

Don't fuck with this guy! You'll get these people killed !

Don't move!

Don't move.

Don't talk. Just listen.

Don't worry, Dad. It's going to be okay.

Don't worry, folks, it's almost over. Is she done?

Don't worry, you'll be fine. You'll be back before you know it.

Don't worry. Let him go.

Double this team up. That's your best angle.

Down ! Everybody down !

Down. Everyone down !

Drive, Stan.

Each of the 22 hostages is wrapped with 20 pounds of C 4 explosives.

Each time your case was thrown out.

Easy, easy.

Eat a dick.

Either shoot me, or tell me why you're wearing that wire.

Even I can't get through the firewall. So here's the deal:

Ever heard of Harry Houdini?

Everything's going to be fine.

Everything's going to be okay. Just trust me.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

Fast forward to today. Present time, same situation.

Fifteen.

Find out who she is.

Finish the job. We'll get your daughter back.

Finished?

For all his charm and charisma, his wealth, his expensive toys...

For someone the NSA once listed as the most dangerous hacker in America...

For the past 20 months, you've been in and out of court 6 times?

For violating your parole by leaving Texas without permission?

Forget Holly.

Forty five seconds.

From the deputy director of the FBI. He thought I might be interested.

Fuck!

Gabriel is your only shot.

Gentlemen, if it's not good news, don't say it.

Gentlemen.

Get help. Get into a program, get a therapist, get a dog.

Get her!

Get her.

Get him out of here.

Get in the car.

Get up, get up!

Give him some incentive.

Give him the worm, take the money and get out of here.

Give me a card.

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go!

Go! Run !

Go.

Good job.

Good man. Good man.

Good.

Good.

Good. Let's go.

Good. Maybe slide in a Trojan horse hiding a worm?

Good. So we have a deal.

Gotta jet.

Great work greasing pump jacks.

Hard left! Hard left!

He could make an elephant disappear...

He exists in a world beyond your world.

He has a Finnish passport.

He lives a life where nothing is beyond him.

He never misses an episode of Survivor.

He takes what he wants, when he wants...

He tells me what he wants me to do.

He understands English, huh?

He wants a plane on the runway in 25 minutes.

He wants a plane? I'll give him a goddamn plane.

He was an artist. He could make an elephant disappear in a full theater.

He was vacationing too.

He'll be back.

He'll kill me if he finds out.

He'll pay you just to meet you.

He's gonna shoot! He's gonna shoot!

Hell, I buy half a dozen, I even get a discount.

Hello?

Hello?

Help me!

Here 5 minutes, and I already feel sorry for myself.

Here we go.

Here's a scenario:

Here's how it works.

Hey, Stan, if you're going to see Holly...

Hey, stay still ! It'll feel real good.

Hey, where's he going?

Hey.

Hi. Can I have the phone number for Yellow Cab?

His ex wife and daughter live in Malibu.

His people pick me up. Take me to him.

Hold for just one moment, sir.

Hold it! Stanley!

Hold on !

Hold the phone. Thomas Jeff

Holly!

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Homophobia.

Hoover started a secret organization in the '50s, called Black Cell.

Hope not. Drink?

How could you do it to me, Jim? After all we suffered.

How could you do it? We were so close to our goal !

How did you do it?

How many innocent victims would it take for the city...

How many people die is up to you !

How much money would it cost to hire the best family lawyer in the country?

How much would you like to transfer?

How quickly would the media make a frenzy? In hours.

How would you know what's good for my daughter?

Hundred grand.

I can help you with your daughter.

I can only tell you what I've done for him.

I can't pee in front of an audience.

I can't tell you.

I checked all the hospitals and morgues, and I can't find her body.

I deserve to know who's playing me.

I don't care. All I care about is my daughter.

I don't know exactly. I see the code in my head. I can't explain it.

I don't know why I let you talk me into this.

I don't see him dragging his sorry arse over the finish line.

I don't think so, but...

I don't want anything to happen to you.

I dropped a logic bomb through the trap door.

I flew 1500 miles for this meeting. How about we get to the point?

I found a way for us to be together.

I got this guy on the phone!

I gotta go to work.

I have a clear shot.

I have been told that the best crackers in the world...

I hid my worm there, where no one would ever look.

I just saw that maniac murder people in the street. I'm fucking great.

I know everything about you, Stan.

I know what you're thinking.

I mean, it's not...

I promise.

I ran into your friend Torvalds the other day.

I see.

I shot a suspect in the hand.

I snapped.

I think we got a team on the West Coast. Fort MacArthur.

I think you think I'm a bank robber.

I thought you were Gabriel's.

I understand, senator.

I want everybody out of this lobby right now.

I want that plane on the runway in 25 minutes!

I was just fucking with you, Stan.

I will not let myself be manipulated by you, Stanley.

I'd do anything for her, but if I end up in a box or in jail...

I'd like to transfer money from my employer's account.

I'll sacrifice any lives I have to to protect this country.

I'll tell you what I know.

I'm already dead.

I'm calling from Credit Suisse to notify you...

I'm DEA, Stanley.

I'm DEA, Stanley.

I'm done playing with this asshole!

I'm happy with what I'm wearing.

I'm just a sucker for Disneyland.

I'm not here to suck your dick, Stanley.

I'm not some wannabe filmmaker...

I'm rusty. Rusty.

I'm taking my money and going back to court!

I'm talking about your daughter. You, your daughter...

I'm thinking that you'll put a gun to my head just to see if I can

I'm thinking.

I've also got people across the tarmac.

I've changed my identity so often I don't know who I am anymore.

I've had a shitty day so far, but I think it just got worse.

If I knew you were coming, I might have cleaned up.

If that launcher was a suppository...

If we don't find out who he works for, we'll have to start over.

If you don't test your collars, this will all be over soon.

If you want your daughter back, you better listen up.

Ignorance is bliss.

In 1986, when it was terminated, $400 million was in these accounts.

In college, I created the source code for the worm I use.

In international news, terrorist Allal bin Hazzad...

In the '80s, the DEA set up a network of dummy corporations...

In the basement is the only PDP 10 still active and on the Internet.

Including my own.

Is that Mommy's car? Is she home?

It didn't disappear. It sat, earning interest.

It has a central encryption you have to crack to utilize the system.

It was a routine check. Torvalds freaked out. They got lucky.

It was leased two weeks ago by a blind corporation.

It wasn't supposed to happen for another six hours, but hey.

It won't bite you. I promise.

It would be the biggest story from Boston to Budapest.

It'll be hard without a gun to my head.

It'll do so for the next 10 years.

It's an ITS machine, kept online for historical sake.

It's assistant director Joy. He said it's important.

It's done.

It's going up. Stairs.

It's his job to protect you.

It's illegal for you to talk to her.

It's okay, baby. You want a lift home?

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay. Go. Go.

Jesus!

Jesus!

Jesus.

Jesus. Jesus!

Jesus. What the fuck is he thinking?

Johnson, you and your partner move up between those vehicles.

Judas.

Just a thought.

Just a thought.

Just in time to watch Stanley find our worm.

Just wait here.

Keep going !

Keep your distance. Clear the air space for five miles.

Key, please.

Key.

L do the job right there.

L get paid, and l leave.

Larry is a film financier.

Larry's her father now.

Larry's the porn king of Southern Calif

Let her go!

Let her go. And I'll get your money.

Let me break it down to you, Stanley, one last time.

Let me have that.

Let me show you something.

Let the hostages go and I'll tell you how to get the money.

Let's get this son of a bitch.

Let's go, let's go!

Let's go.

Let's go. Hands behind your head. Let's go!

Let's move! Back of the bank. Now!

Let's move. Quickly and quietly.

Like me? No. Because you're a murderer.

Like you helped me in there?

Look again. Bodies just don't disappear.

Look at this.

Look, I don't have a lot of patience, Gabriel.

Look, I just... I just want to see my baby.

Look, Stanley, I like you.

Ls that right?

Ls this Stanley Jobson, social security number 669547311 ?

May I have your account number and password, please?

Maybe bodyguards, but they look like mercs to me.

Maybe I should put a gun to your head.

Maybe they should pay our friend a visit.

Maybe we ought to rethink the visuals.

Maybe you can help me with something.

Melissa will throw $500,000 back at you. Think!

Melissa?

Melissa. Is Holly home?

Misdirection, Stan.

Misdirection.

Misdirection. What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind believes.

Miss me?

Money that just sort of disappeared.

Move it, move it! Let's move!

Move out.

Move, move!

Move, move.

Move!

Move. I won't say it again.

Move. Move.

My client has reserved his right not to answer any questions.

My employer wants to meet you.

My only chance is back in Europe. I have friends there.

My suggestion, sir? You give it to him !

Need a lift?

Network IP range. Confirmed.

Next. And next.

Nice trip down memory lane, but if you aren't arresting me

Nine and a half billion.

No deal. Get Ginger.

No man has the right to make that decision. You're just a terrorist.

No mercy, no quarter.

No one wants a repeat of this morning.

No other info on them yet.

No, don't do this!

No, don't. No, no, no. Yes!

No, I'm not arresting you.

No, I'm talking about the lack of realism. Realism.

No, it didn't. You fucked me.

No, it's easy to pick apart bad acting, shortsighted directing...

No, no, no. Fuck you !

No, no! Let her go! Let her go!

No, Roberts. What do you want?

No, you didn't. You didn't have time.

No! It's not going to end like this.

No! Release the hostage!

No! Release the hostage!

No! Release the hostage!

No.

No. Actually, you flew 1500 miles for 100 grand.

Nope.

Not a pervasive element in modern American cinematic vision.

Not everything ends as you think it should.

Not getting a lot of cooperation here.

Not many people know it.

Not until you tell me what I'm involved in.

Nothing yet. He's refusing to speak English.

Nothing's impossible.

Now this is the tricky part. What if he started killing hostages right away?

Now, he loves you.

Oh, baby.

Oh, Dad. If Mom finds out, she'll have you thrown in jail.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. Fuck!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Holly!

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, she's good, isn't she?

Oh, shit!

Oh, sweetheart.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Oh, yeah, that's him.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, Château Attigue 1996. White, white.

Okay, I need a team over here. The rest of you, let's go outside.

Okay, load them up. Let's move out. Let's go!

Okay, what did he just say?

Okay.

Okay. Now what?

Okay. Time to disguise you...

One time. You don't like the situation...

One way or the other, he's gotta go down.

Or evading an officer and almost getting me killed in the process?!

Patriotism does not have a four year shelf life.

Plane's on the runway in a half hour.

Please confirm. Confirm. Confirm.

Please don't confuse your own childhood with my daughter's.

Pretty impressive, huh?

Pull over before you get

Quick, quick. Thank you. Return.

Recognize those two same guys, a few hours later.

Release the hostage!

Relentless. Bam, bim. One after another.

Rescue team, let's go. Who's on the roof?

Right.

Right.

Secure a perimeter around the building.

Secure that weapon.

Secure the elevators and stairs! Anybody coming out, detain them !

Senator, we have a problem.

She was DEA, Stan. Move them out!

She's coming out.

She's gone. Take cover!

Shit, there's no fucking way.

Shit!

Shit! Come on.

Shit.

Shit.

Shooters, stand by.

Short of Scarface and Godfather Part I, of course.

Sir, could you please ?

Sir, do you think there is any aspect of this operation I am not aware of?

Sir, I've just been informed that the bus is no longer en route to LAX.

Sir, the bus is no longer on First Street.

Sit down, relax. I'll be right back.

Situation doesn't look good, sweetheart.

So how do I find him?

So I'm done, then.

So is it impossible?

So listen to me.

So you're really stealing all this money just to protect little old me.

So, navigator, where's our next stop?

So, what we need from you is a worm. A hydra, actually.

So...

Someone must bring their war to them.

Something's going on. They have two DS 3 trucks. That's serious bandwidth.

Son...

Soon you'll be on a yacht with your daughter, eating bonbons.

Soon. Walk with me.

Sorry about your nose.

Stan man.

Stan. Time to go to work. You coming?

Stanley Jobson.

Stanley, are you okay?

Stanley, hold up.

Stanley, you want to get wet?

Stay here!

Stay there!

Sure.

Surprised?

Take a look at this.

Take care of your girl. Maybe I'll see you around.

Take Dog Day Afternoon, for example. Arguably Pacino's best work.

Take it.

Take the wheel.

Tell him to climb! Climb, goddamn it! Climb!

Tell me something.

Tell me what I want to know.

Tell Torvalds I said hello.

Ten hostages die.

Ten. Nine.

Ten. Nine. Eight.

Terrorist states, Stanley.

Thank you. You've just let my client go free.

Thanks for the coffee.

That I am, and worse. But I do have ethics. Rules I adhere to.

That should get you started.

That would cover all your problems. Yes?

That's 15 years ago. You know how much money that is today?

That's a really nice story, but you haven't told me shit, have you?

That's great. Are you done?

That's my stepdad's car.

That's not my problem, is it?

That's not my problem. I don't care who he works for.

That's our guy.

That's our man right there.

That's right, Stanley. Because wars cost money.

The accounts are encrypted with a 1024 bit cipher.

The American dream. And just think:

The bank's IDS logs every packer...

The cinematography, the acting, the screenplay, all topnotch. But...

The DEA has no record of any Ginger Knowles working for them.

The deal is that we're having a little gathering at the house.

The dentals match those the Israeli government sent us...

The elusive bin Hazzad was thought responsible for...

The explosion scrambled the internal clock.

The FBI was watching you.

The films he chooses are for profit and none of your business.

The Finnish consulate has contacted the State Department.

The great American outdoors.

The house was listed by Celebrity Estates.

The judge is allowing you to see your daughter?

The key code is destroyed upon implementation.

The money jumps every 60 seconds from one account to another.

The new husband owns Backdoor Films, a shady porn production house.

The production value's good, considering that they shoot on video.

The risks are too great.

The thing is, they have you put the furniture together yourself.

Then I'll cut to the chase.

Then where is it?

Then why are we talking?

Then you'll appreciate the irony.

There it is. Get her down !

There you go.

Thermal scopes show a huge heat load. Could be mainframes.

These fellows might wear Armani...

They bomb a church, we bomb 10.

They can't be serious.

They execute American tourists, we nuke an entire city.

They got the green light.

They hijack a plane, we take out an airport.

They make shit. Unbelievable, unremarkable shit.

They're also taped with 15 pounds of stainless steel ball bearings.

They're on the move.

This ain't good. What do the feds know?

This bank is their yard, so don't fuck with me.

This better be important.

This bus is your new holding area.

This is a bad guy. Nobody's going to miss him.

This is a catch and release stream, isn't it?

This is a sweet deal. We go in over the phone lines, pop the firewall...

This is bullshit.

This is not a nice place you got here, Stan.

This is not just a multi screen system. It has a DS 3 connection.

This is the third killing of a terrorist leader in as many weeks.

This looks friendly.

This operation is moving ahead. Everything is under control.

Thomas Jefferson once shot a man for treason.

Thousands die every day for no reason. Where's your bleeding heart for them?

Three percent, please. Oh, fuck. I'm fucked.

Three, two, one, go. Come on.

Three.

To access the cluster, you need a bank on the backbone of the network.

To preserve our way of life.

To protect our freedoms.

To protect your way of life.

Too easy.

Trust you? Yeah.

Try it.

Turn the fuck around.

Twenty six. Ninety six. Nine

Twenty, thirty.

Twenty.

Twenty. Nineteen.

Two. One.

Unfortunately, I need someone to do it in 60 seconds.

Unless you want to stay here in this loser existence...

Unless, of course, it's not possible.

Vacationing, right.

Voilà.

Wait a minute, Joe.

War?

We all walk away. Nobody gets hurt.

We are aborting the operation. Take a vacation.

We are cruising !

We both did what we had to do. And your program is back in full swing.

We can access 7 different networks simultaneously.

We done?

We got two teams on the roof. We got a team over there.

We just received word that Axl Torvalds was intercepted entering the U.S.

We make terrorism so horrific that it's unthinkable to attack Americans.

We'll be in touch.

We'll call you if we need you.

We'll seek alternative means of finance.

We're after Gabriel. Give him the worm...

Well, actually, we're talking a 512 bit.

Well, life is stranger than fiction sometimes.

Well, she doesn't want to see you, Stanley.

Well, that's a start.

Well, well, well.

Well, you eyeball me once more, boy...

What about Holly? Do you give a shit about her?

What are the odds of the two best hackers being in L.A. at the same time?

What are you doing with that?

What are you doing? Where are you taking the thing?

What are you selling again?

What are you still doing here?

What country will harbor terrorists when they see the consequences?

What did he say?

What do you got to lose? He just wants to meet you.

What do you think?

What happened, Stan?

What if, in Dog Day Sonny wanted to get away with it? Really wanted that.

What key? I don't know about any key.

What the eyes see and the ears hear, the mind believes.

What the fuck are you doing?

What we only fantasize, he does.

What were you running for?

What, still no bus? Come on.

What?

What's going on here? Jesus Christ.

What's happening? What's happening?

What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost.

When we grabbed Torvalds at the airport, these two guys were there.

Where's Gilligan?

Which makes them the world's largest claymore mines.

Who are those guys?

Who are we at war with?

Who are you supposed to be?

Who are you, Ginger?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who is he?

Who the hell are you?

Who's the girl?

Why are you calling here?

Why are you in L.A. , Stan?

Why don't you get out of here? Go see your daughter.

Why would the best hacker in the world...

Wipe that smile off your face.

Wired magazine's 1996 Man of the Year.

With your little $100,000?

Wouldn't have asked you otherwise, senator.

Yeah, and you eat the dick!

Yeah, I believe it is.

Yeah, I know Jobson, I arrested him.

Yeah, thanks.

Yes, I do understand, senator.

Yes, I got a call from A. D. Joy. This is Roberts.

Yes.

Yet I never understood the appeal of fly fishing.

You are heavy.

You arresting me?

You asked who those men were. I'll tell you.

You better get sure because someone's cock will end up on the block...

You brought me into this mess.

You can cure all diseases, but the price...

You can take the girl out of the trailer park...

You can tell him yourself if you're not careful. He's dead.

You can't leave. It'll all work out. You gotta trust me.

You didn't call?

You disappoint me. It's the greatest good.

You don't find him. He finds you.

You don't know what it takes to protect our freedoms. That's my job.

You don't understand. Whatever you want to do to me, he'll do worse.

You finish the job, and you both go. Come on, Stanley.

You give $20 to Greenpeace thinking you change the world.

You go home. Okay? Bye.

You have 12 hours to get the hydra. So get in the car.

You help me, I'll help you.

You here to identify the body?

You just want to get right down to it? Okay, fine.

You kill me, you'll never get a dollar.

You know how difficult it is to work a keyboard with one hand?

You know how he did that?

You know I can't touch that.

You know me, I'm a friendly girl.

You know the problem with Hollywood?

You know, guys, I gotta go.

You live in a trailer.

You must see the irony in that, senator.

You okay? Okay, come on.

You put a virus in an FBI program and set it back two years.

You see Sugarland Express? Didn't like the way it ended.

You should've let me buy you a suit, Stanley.

You son of a bitch.

You son of a bitch.

You spent the last two years in prison.

You surprised that a girl with an IQ over 70 can give you a hard on?

You think I wanted it to come to this?

You think of anything to say, call me.

You tried to kill me.

You want something from me, and I from you.

You want to see her? Get him his daughter!

You'll be on the first thing smoking. First class.

You'll have done your small part in ensuring America's way of life.

You'll have to forgive me. The fact that...

You're a felon. You work a dead end job.

You're a hero, Stan.

You're a rich man, Stanley.

You're asking for a lot of faith without giving me any.

You're DEA, I got the feds up my ass and I don't know what's going on here.

You're doing good. Behave yourself. Look over there, and there.

You're fucked up now, Hamlet.

You're fucking up my chi.

You're funny.

You're kidding.

You're losing sight of our objective.

You're not using the phone lines. You're going into the bank.

You're on my good side. But don't confuse kindness with weakness.

You're saving your daughter.

You're thinking:

You're wasting your time. I touch a computer, I go back to Leavenworth.

You're wrong, Stanley.

You've misplaced your loyalty, senator. You've sold out America.

Your client is wanted on 24 counts of electronic crimes...

356127G. Password: Swordfish.

...and turned onto First Street. All right. Let's go.

A friend of a friend. Shit.

And that's it? That's it. And you keep the money.

Are you okay, Dad? Yeah, I'm fine, sweetheart.

Aren't we going to the airport? Misdirection, Stan.

As promised. Thanks.

Audiences love happy endings. Pacino escapes with the money.

Business or pleasure? Hopefully both.

Can't we talk here? We shouldn't.

Check. Verified.

Come on, Stan. Later.

Dad ! Oh, Jesus. Baby, are you okay?

Ever heard of Operation Swordfish? No.

Excuse me, sir. You have a call. Take a message.

Fifty five. Okay, okay.

Finish the job. Not until I see my daughter!

Fix it. Unfortunately, I can't.

Fuck you. Fuck you? Oh?

Get away from me. I really want to help you, Stan.

Get back! Officer, stand down now!

Go, go! Move it. Come on, people.

Hello, Stanley. Helga.

Help me! Let her go!

Hey, what are you doing? Relax, Stanley.

His wife is in some of the videos. I know. She's like an actress.

Holbrook. Holbrook.

Hope you built in a back door. Come on, come on.

How about 10 innocents? Now you get it. How about 100? 1000?

How can you justify all this? You're not looking at the big picture.

How do you want it allocated? Spread evenly over the accounts.

How long will she live? 60 seconds? You're insane!

How long will this take? A few minutes.

How long will you be here? One week.

How much do you weigh? How much do I weigh?

I brought you something. Oh, my gosh. It's so cute.

I can't drive this thing. Learn !

I did what the judges wouldn't do! You broke the law!