The Back-up Plan Edit

A little blood. Quite normal.

A napkin, trough?

A week ago, I didn't even know she was pregnant...

About a month ago.

About my exam.

About the future.

Actually, it was through my dog, Nuts.

Actually, my parents died when l was young.

All of a sudden, everything is just so crystal clear.

All right, this one says, "most natural nipple."

All right, we just made love.

All right? Just give me your sperm.

All right. But I can't let you walk home alone...

Allow me.

An outfit to bring the babies home in from the hospital.

And a wax.

And check out the strollers on aisle six, because they're awesome.

And different.

And happy.

And I need to thank one person for giving me the courage to do it.

And I think it went all to my ass.

And I'm not going anywhere.

And I'm okay on my own.

And if he feels it, what choice do l have?

And it's brought me the most incredible luck.

And now all of a sudden you're having a posse.

And now that I've thrown all my plans out the window...

And she didn't know how not to sleep with everyone who worked there...

And so they're interacting based on energy and also the nose....

And that dress is

And the thing that's the clearest...

And then a small moment happens...

And then awful, awful, awful.

And then I met you.

And then it wasn't.

And these are the aged raw milk cheeses. Now

And we have twins, so double it again.

And what I want more than anything else in the world...

And you have twins.

And you've made me the happiest man alive.

Are you already a single mother or are you trying to become one?

Are you coming on to me right now? It's kind of hard to tell.

Are you gonna leave now?

Are you gonna see him again?

Are you ready for a posse?

Are you still in there?

As the name suggests, we are all single, mothers...

Baby time!

Be quiet.

Because I love their mommy.

Because I wanted a baby.

Because I wanted a family.

Because I would show it to you. I will show it to you just to prove...

Because if l stay in school, I can only work part time.

Because if we weren't just friends, I'd kiss you right now.

Because if you really like him, as soon as that happens...

Because Nana's not gonna live forever...

Because the future is now.

Because this is more than you bargained for.

Besides, I'm not pregnant.

Breast to face.

Breast to face. There is no better bond that could be made.

Breathe, breathe.

Breathe.

Buck naked Friday while the maid cleans your living room.

Buck naked Fridays in the family room. Buck naked Wednesdays.

Buck naked. Buck naked. Naked.

But I wasn't trying to soak you. I swear!

But just tell me, okay? So I can be prepared.

But maybe I'm different now.

But that's right now, so in 1 8 years, it'll be double that, at least.

But there's a place here that sells them.

But this guy, he's special. And now the whole thing's gonna fall apart.

But tonight, just, you know, be surprised.

But we didn't take any pictures.

But why?

But you have to promise me that from now on...

But you know I'm right.

But you want to see ours, right?

By the way, I know an excellent support group for single moms...

By the way, my boyfriend and I do custom work.

Bye.

Bye.

Can I ask you a serious question, Zoe?

Can I have a sample? What's it like?

Can we calm down, get ready for the book signing?

Can you do that?

Can you?

Can your thing wait just a few minutes?

Can't she use somebody else?

Cesar should write a book about that one.

Charlie, Roxy, meet me at the bathroom.

Cheese, wine, bread, prepared foods, but everything local.

Clearly, you don't have that many friends.

Clive, you're my friend. Don't you want to help me?

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, everyone. lt's happening.

Come on, I've been through it before.

Come on, let me just finish your makeup.

Come on.

Come on. Everything's gonna be great.

Come on. She's about to get into the water.

Come over here for a minute.

Created and Encoded by Bokutox of www.YIFY TORRENTS.com. The Best 720p/1080p/3d movies with the lowest file size on the internet. World of Warcraft Outland PVP (EU) Torporr (name)

Cutest puppy you have ever seen. Six months later, he almost dies.

Dada!

Dakota was born right here.

Dakota was born right here. Right where you're sitting, actually.

Damn it, Nuts.

Damn right, I'm scared. Yeah.

Did I get it?

Did you buy a new dress for our date tonight?

Did you buy that dress to wear for me tonight?

Did you follow me here?

Did you just ?

Ding.

Do you even have a dog?

Does anyone else have anything in the meantime...

Don't beg, Nuts.

Don't even get me started on what childbirth does to your bladder.

Don't freak out. It requires very little commitment.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't say it like that. You make it sound dirty.

Don't talk about Penny's poop when I'm about to kiss you.

Don't think I'm pregnant anyway. Doctor says it takes a few tries.

Don't worry about them. They can't hear anything anyway.

Don't you tell me it's gonna be okay!

Double whammy.

Every day. Now I can't touch her. I can barely go near her.

Every story is different, but with the same common denominator.

Everybody, get out there and shake those titanium hips.

Everyone says it's so beautiful.

Everything makes sense.

Exactly. When a human wants to meet a dog:

Except for the lack of sleep, free time...

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Can I help you?

Excuse me. This is my cab.

Fine.

First kiss?

First time I hear that ticking clock and I'm not freaking out.

Five minutes later, it was over. I barely felt a thing.

Follow you?

For years, l never thought about the future. I just lived in the moment.

From inception to graduation, everything in between.

From the moment you stole my cab...

Get the mirror, Stan! I will rip your throat out!

Getting pregnant or lying to me about it?

Give it back!

Give me that. Give it to me.

Go away.

Go on, go on. Good, good, good. Go on, go on, go on.

Go on. Go on. Go on.

Go.

Gonna get through this. Everything's gonna be fine.

Great.

Hallelujah!

Hang on.

Have you got a jacket or something?

Have you gotten to page 279 yet?

Have you seen my vagina? I mean, have you?

Haven't even had the babies and everything's changed.

He always told me he didn't want kids.

He can teach me how to make cheese. We can live off the land.

He could be a total douche bag and then the whole thing is moot.

He didn't stick around.

He had red hair and freckles? Why'd you do that?

He has to pick up.

He wasn't gonna leave, was he?

He's been taking care of me for 22 years. I just didn't want to admit it.

He's eating sand.

He's fine. Happens all the time.

He's hot.

He's nobody. And even if he was somebody, it doesn't matter...

He's nobody. He's just some guy.

He's the perfect boyfriend. He'll never let you down.

Hello.

Here comes the head!

Hey, all right.

Hey, babe. Hey. You want some breakfast?

Hey, beat it, pal. All right?

Hey, I was just coming by to see if you were okay.

Hey, I'm just being honest.

Hey, son.

Hey, that's your dream.

Hey, there's a penny right there.

Hey, what do you have there, son?

Hey, you two should get in here.

Hey. Look.

Hey. You're still coming over tonight, right?

Hi, Nutsy!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. What a nice surprise. How did you know l worked here?

His name is Stan, and he's fantastic.

Hold that thought.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Honey, you can't wear sweats. This is important.

Honey, you don't always have to be so strong.

How did this happen?

How did you do that here in this chair?

How did you find me?

How do you know?

How embarrassing. Look at that.

How long do we have to stay here?

How many babies are you having?

How much money did you spend? Where are we gonna put all this?

How old do you think l am?

How's your great mood now?

I am not shy. It is really quite beautiful.

I bought him at this fancy pet store near my house.

I called the store. Said it was an emergency.

I called you a hundred times. I wanted you at the wedding.

I can do it. If you want to let me. Grab the strap.

I can rephrase that.

I can't believe you kept that.

I can't believe you're pregnant.

I can't find any exit signs behind the purple flowers.

I can't get up.

I can't handle it. You broke my heart. You completely destroyed me.

I can't imagine spending another minute apart.

I can't imagine.

I can't.

I didn't exactly

I didn't know you'd been together that long.

I didn't order this.

I didn't.

I don't even know if I like kids.

I don't ever want to see that again.

I don't expect you to expect me to stay.

I don't expect you to stay.

I don't have a girlfriend.

I don't have half a million a year. I'm in night school.

I don't know exactly what your relationship is.

I don't know what else to do. What else am I supposed to do?

I don't know, baby. It was just

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Even though I have more balance...

I don't know. He's very real. And funny.

I don't think so. Just let me get it sideways.

I don't think you're ready for this.

I don't want to see that. I want a baby.

I examined every possibility and arrived at the most logical conclusion.

I gained three more pounds this week.

I get it, I get it. Been a long time since you've had, you know.

I got it.

I gotta go to the hospital. I gotta go.

I guess this would be that moment, huh?

I had no idea it was this serious. You're having a baby?

I had this idea to use these two different types of goat's milk...

I had to move back in with my parents, work myself out of debt...

I hate them. Do you smell pee?

I have a feeling that you and...

I have a plan.

I have kids, okay?

I have money saved.

I have more women to bed before I do something as idiotic as having a baby.

I have rhythm all of a sudden.

I have to make some muffins for some bullshit teacher appreciation day.

I just got two of everything. Look, baby Village People.

I just need to sit here, you know?

I just saw the ultrasound. The one that goes inside.

I kind of want the whole group there when it happens.

I knew this would happen someday. I wasn't prepared

I knew you'd like it.

I know how to milk a goat. Does that do anything for you?

I know that you don't trust people.

I know that you would never see this through.

I know what you need.

I know you learned it from me, but it's no good. What does it get you?

I know, I know. I'm sorry.

I know.

I know.

I know. I'm sorry.

I know. Isn't it amazing...

I know. This is a big mess we're in.

I know. We keep running into each other. It's crazy.

I lay down, put my feet over my head.

I lied to you, you lied to me.

I like him, Nana.

I love you.

I made this big decision to do this thing.

I make a move in the middle of the night...

I mean, I got this great life...

I mean, I know who it is. I just don't know his name, exactly.

I mean, no wonder you got a sperm donor.

I mean, you always look really pretty, but tonight you look especially pretty.

I met this Swedish girl during my semester abroad and....

I miss my old ass.

I need my pillow.

I need that pillow, okay? I can't sleep.

I need to know.

I need to talk to you for two seconds.

I need to turn over! I need to turn over, please!

I never heard back after the vote, so I just assumed that I was out.

I never met the right guy and I thought that if I waited any longer...

I pick out the worst ones and I pretend I made them.

I picked out names with you.

I really want to stay.

I really want to take the next step. I really want to move on with my life.

I saved this from the very first day we met.

I see another heartbeat.

I shouldn't have seen that.

I split my dress. And I didn't want to go. How about that?

I still haven't found "the one," so that's why I'm....

I think I just peed a little bit.

I think I owe you another dress. And I definitely owe you another date.

I think my water just broke.

I think you're tired of being alone. Haven't met the right guy.

I thought about it. Then I thought:

I thought I'd be married with kids by now...

I thought it was terrifying.

I thought you were gonna put that huge thing

I want some of that too.

I want to see you take a bite of that. I don't believe you're gonna eat it.

I want to start a sustainable gourmet shop, okay?

I wanted a baby and I thought I had to do it alone.

I was 8 years old when she died.

I was fine with my plan.

I was inspired.

I was very important. You would've been impressed.

I was worried about you after the exam.

I wasn't good at marriage.

I wasn't good at running a bed and breakfast.

I wasn't planning to meet anybody.

I will never sleep again without that pillow.

I will never tell.

I'd like that.

I'll call you.

I'll figure out a way to make enough money.

I'll give you a taste of my cheese.

I'll wait by the phone.

I'm 3.

I'm a student. I'm still in school. I go at night.

I'm confused. Why'd you say you'd come in the first place?

I'm confused. You said this is what you wanted.

I'm fine. I'm good.

I'm getting married.

I'm getting take out too. Let's walk together to the same place...

I'm gonna be out here, okay?

I'm gonna fix it.

I'm gonna go get a little air. I'm feeling a little

I'm gonna have a baby!

I'm gonna have a baby.

I'm gonna hurl that thing into the fucking holy water.

I'm gonna kill Mona.

I'm good at ideas. I'm just not good with follow through.

I'm great. I'm great.

I'm just emotional.

I'm just getting used to us as a couple.

I'm just not interested in men right now, okay?

I'm Mona. So how do you two not know each other?

I'm not calming down.

I'm not exactly thinking straight.

I'm not going to his house, okay? He walked away from me.

I'm not really sure what's happening here.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't happen that fast.

I'm scared I'm gonna have these babies...

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, but not tonight, okay? Okay?

I'm sorry, did you just call me a stupid head?

I'm sorry.

I'm still here.

I'm sweaty and dizzy.

I'm trying to call you and doing the conga. My dress is falling.

I'm with child.

I'm worried about you.

I've been inseminated.

I've been to every doctor's appointment with you.

I've been up all night watching Orca give birth.

I've had this dress for a long time. It's just I haven't worn it yet...

I've kept it this whole time.

I've known you for 30 years.

I've wanted this for so long.

If he said it, he thinks it. If he thinks it, then he feels it.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that.

If I were with a real guy doing this, I would've gotten a pedicure.

If I work part time, I can't afford our expenses. I need to work.

If I'm not, then my dog is.

If she was here, she would probably let me feed from her teat.

If someone hails a cab and it pulls up, you can't jump in and say it's yours.

If we don't assert leadership over our dogs...

If you don't go, I'll go.

If you think you are getting into this Dumpster

If you're gonna use a bottle, which we do not advocate...

Imagine that. Funny.

In a year's time, this is just gonna be a funny memory, right?

In her vagina?

In other words, in the dog world...

In that case....

In this very room.

Inseminated. Makes me feel like a cow or something.

Is he a farmer?

Is my nose bleeding? You punched me.

Is someone looking for you?

Is that my chicken? What are you doing?

Is that what it is? I thought it was me.

Is this new? "The Zoe?"

It finally hit me. This man loves me, and I love him.

It has two hearts?

It is gonna be okay!

It just happened.

It lasted like three seconds. I didn't know how to run an inn.

It means that I take care of myself, just like you always did.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

It was a battle, but they finally fell asleep.

It was amazing.

It was an important lesson for me.

It was kind of like this ass, but way hotter.

It was like over the top amazing.

It was my cab.

It's a bit overwhelming, huh?

It's a donor from a sperm bank.

It's a Twin X Deluxe, the Rolls Royce of strollers. Isn't it awesome?

It's been two weeks now...

It's big.

It's Bisphenol A, and you do not want it.

It's gonna be okay.

It's great!

It's important not to interrupt the dog...

It's just

It's just happening so fast.

It's just me and my grandmother now.

It's just not happening for me.

It's just that stew was so delicious.

It's like this all day, every day, man. I feel like I'm drowning...

It's no big deal.

It's not just about the money.

It's perfect.

It's really something.

It's so lucky.

It's still nighttime. Are you okay?

It's stubborn, overly suspicious and distrustful of men.

It's such a small thing, but I think about it all the time.

It's sweet...

It's the one that was tails up. You flipped it to heads.

It's too early to go through the abdomen, you see.

It's your custom stroller, the Twin X Torpedo.

Jesus, what is that?

Just breathe through it. It's gonna be okay.

Just give me a boost.

Just like you were never gonna stay with Stan.

Just relax. Breathe.

Just seeing you and Stan together, how happy you are.

Just shut up, okay?

Just something I was thinking about. It's no big deal.

Keep breathing. Pump those arms.

Knock, knock.

Let go right now!

Let go.

Let me guess. You fell in love and got married.

Let me see.

Let's start over.

Like what you see?

Like, maybe I can be a stay at home mom.

Listen. How do I know when things get tough, you won't just run away again?

Little school shoes, little backpacks.

Lived in New York your whole life, never gone to Gray's Papaya.

Look at this place.

Look, I don't want to cause a scene...

Look, I really have to go.

Look, just go home. Okay? I don't need you here.

Look, maybe you're not from around here, but there's a code.

Look, this is me in the seventh grade.

Luca keeps asking me why his friends have two parents...

Maybe a little dead down there.

Maybe I can. I'll love being barefoot and pregnant.

Maybe if I say it often enough, you'll feel a little more comfortable. Vagina.

Maybe this isn't how I pictured it exactly.

Maybe we should hug. We might have just made a baby together.

Maybe you should join a different group.

Maybe.

Me too.

Menopause?

Menopause? Seriously?

Mona said his feta was incredible.

Must be hard when they first go off to school.

My college boyfriend took it.

My God, you are stubborn.

My mother is dead.

My pillow doesn't talk. It just lies there and shuts up.

My toes.

Never saw his pubes. It was a vial of semen.

Next weekend. We finally decided to do it.

No fair. You chose this place because it takes, like, two seconds.

No touch, no talk and no eye contact...

No, Arthur takes care of me.

No, but you have two babies.

No, don't worry.

No, I chose it because it's the best.

No, I didn't.

No, I know. It's hard to explain.

No, I stopped reading when you tore out one of my pages...

No, I'll get out.

No, I'm talking to you, because you're the only pervert...

No, no, no, it's new.

No, not died. They actually bought a farm and we moved upstate.

No, not really.

No, saying goodbye to the kid is easy.

No, thank you.

No, this is your special moment...

No, we came to buy muffins. You were here. Tell him.

No, you're staying. You have to stay. Lori wants us all here for this.

No, Zoe! Don't you move! You are my focal point.

No, Zoe. Don't you move, Zoe.

No?

No.

No.

No. But I might get one now that I can "be the pack leader."

Not about a guy. I've dated hundreds of guys over the past five years.

Not gonna happen, Nutsy.

Not one of them's close to being the one.

Not that it's your business, but good things are happening to me.

Not tonight, okay?

Not usually.

Nothing fits me! Please, just let me wear sweats.

Nothing from farther than 30 miles. All based on the Farmers' Markets.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing. How was your exam?

Now I kind of wish you were looking at my toes.

Now somebody else can have good luck. Bye.

Now that it's all happening...

Now, I'm gonna do an ultrasound. This is how we view the foetus.

Now, wait a minute! Just one second!

Oh, come with me for a minute.

Oh, God, I hope this works.

Oh, God, l am so stupid.

Oh, God, Zoe.

Oh, God! That hurts.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. We gotta go get him.

Oh, God. What if I'm pregnant?

Oh, I have you to thank for it, Zoe.

Oh, I was just inseminated a few days ago.

Oh, Jesus, Judy! She's pregnant. Turn up your hearing aid.

Oh, Mona gave it to me. It's supposed to help me sleep.

Oh, Mona, I'm so glad you're here...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Is he okay?

Oh, my God. You're glowing.

Oh, my....

Oh, no, it was unanimous. Didn't anyone call you?

Oh, no, no, no, don't get up. It's okay.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. When I was pregnant, my whole body was so sensitive...

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Let's see. Well, l own a pet store.

Oh, she's looking fine today, let me tell you. Just fine.

Oh, shit, that one's worse.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, Stan.

Oh, watch it.

Oh, well, don't have sex with him, okay?

Oh, whatever! I looked into your eyes...

Oh, you rub it on her stomach.

Okay, all right.

Okay, best kiss?

Okay, fine. Give me the hot dog.

Okay, good.

Okay, good. Just don't lay on the table.

Okay, hand it over. Hand it over!

Okay, here's my proposition.

Okay, I want to know everything.

Okay, maybe like:

Okay, Mona.

Okay, now, Zoe.

Okay, okay. When you want to speak, you can.

Okay, spill it. Who is he, what does he do...

Okay, thank you.

Okay, which is the ugliest?

Okay, yes.

Okay?

Okay? Because you cannot have sex.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Move it. Out of the way. Lady with a baby.

Okay. Now this is getting weird.

Okay. Okay, you're feeling lonely, right?

Okay. So, what were you saying?

Okay. Some of us have adopted.

Okay. We are gonna have to take a vote on this, Zoe...

Okay. Well, happy shopping.

Okay. Well, I gotta go. Bye.

Olivia's in my class. We study together.

One last push!

Only if it's heads.

Open. Open.

Ouch.

Parmesan.

Penny had a poop and then

People slipping everywhere. Oh, God, l hope nobody got hurt.

Perfectly natural. Sometimes the bowels just release.

Perfectly natural. Sometimes the bowels just release.

Perry and Hudson.

Pick up.

Please, get me out of here.

Please, stop talking to me.

Poo poo.

Probably our best seller and the cheese that started it all, as they say.

Push, Lori. Push.

Really?

Really? After everything we've been through, you think I don't want kids?

Really? Because...

Really? How did you get the pet store?

Right here?

Say yes.

Saying goodbye to 20 grand, now, that's hard.

Sea urchins?

Seems like a lot of trouble for something trivial.

Seriously, what the hell are you talking about?

Seventh grade. She wore braces and headgear. It was terrifying.

She didn't want us to remember her that way.

She had this great laugh. And really soft hands.

She lived for a few more years after this.

She used to rub my back before I went to sleep.

She was in a coma for two years after this.

She was, but that was a few years ago.

She wasn't actually with him.

She's been engaged to Arthur for how long now?

She's having a contraction.

She's in labour. You can't argue with her now.

She's kept me waiting for 22 years, so I'm not holding my breath.

She's never gonna marry him.

She's not my girlfriend.

She's pregnant. You can't win.

Shirley.

Shit.

Shit. Here it is.

Since we do everything backwards and in hyperspeed...

Sir. Sir, excuse me. Who saw you first?

So basically, it was like having sex with Clive.

So come on, what happened?

So cute.

So dogs have an ingrained pack mentality.

So how did you two meet?

So how do you know you don't want it?

So how old is your baby now?

So I mean, it's like, poor dog, you know?

So I quit my job...

So I took life by the horns...

So in all fairness, it doesn't look exactly like that...

So let's just get back to work.

So now I'm happy on the work front, but you know.

So now you know everything.

So we are going to take a vote.

So we don't tend to give advice on how to get your boyfriend to commit.

So we have to go through the vagina.

So when a dog introduces himself to another dog, what do they do?

So why are you in such a good mood anyway?

So why are you upset?

So your being here is just another coincidence?

So, l had to figure it out on my own.

So, what are you saying, I'm your cheese muse?

So, what are you saying?

So, what's that, like 200 grand a year?

So, what's that, like half a million a year?

So, what's the next step for a cheese farmer?

Some jerk with a dirt bike and chapped lips.

Some of us have conceived with a donor.

Some things can last forever.

Someone grab her legs. Lift them up. Lift them up.

Something about frozen sperm being lazy.

Son of a bitch!

Son, is that cat shit?

Soon you will be my wife.

Sorry.

Spend some time with him. See what he's really like.

Spoon, spoon.

Stan and I broke up.

Stan from the Farmers' Market. He's called twice already.

Stan, the mirror!

Stan!

Stan?

Stan?

Stan? When did he do that?

Stan.

Stan.

Stan.

Stan.

Stan. Oh, you are a prince. Thanks for coming.

Stan. Stan.

Stan. Stan.

Stop it!

Stop it! You're making me nervous.

Stop it.

Stop it. I hate it when you do that.

Stop talking.

Study what?

Supposed to fit through most doorways.

Surprise.

Take one. Take five. Take ten. Fifteen. Twenty four.

Talk about a bestseller.

Taxi!

Taxi!

Tell him you're sorry. Then you'll be able to sleep.

Thank God we didn't have kids.

Thank you all for coming.

Thank you for coming to Hudson Mutts.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thanks. That means a lot.

That girl from the Farmers' Market.

That is your dinner, not a toy!

That looks nothing like my nipples, Nana.

That makes so much more sense now.

That was too far.

That will really complicate things.

That's a tough one.

That's a whole lot of Parmesan.

That's it? That little thing?

That's Mack.

That's nice.

That's not the answer I was looking for, man. lt's fine.

That's right. Before you know it, the kids will be in school...

That's weird.

That's when I realised that nothing lasts forever.

That's why pregnant women are so horny all the time.

The best way I can describe it is...

The dogs would just shake it. "Do you want to play again?"

The kind of guy who makes you rethink everything.

The more I think about it, we'd never make it as a couple.

The one selling cheese. I know him.

The pillow is a bitch. Totally replacing you?

The seat comes up.

The tree should not be there. All I'm gonna say.

The what?