Sons of the Desert Edit

A voyage to Honolulu is the only cure for your husband.

Aaahhh!

Aaargh!

Aahh!

Aargh!

Afraid of what?

Aha...

Aha...

All of me!

Aloha!

Aloha!

Aloha!

Aloha! Baby's here!

Aloha! Baby's here!

Alright, alright.

Alright, go ahead and tell her. What do you think..?

Alright, have it your own way.

Alright, I'll meet you outside.

Alright, I'll show you.

Alright, sweetheart. You always know what's best.

Alright, who is it?

Alright. Ooh!

Alrighty.

And besides, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

And do you appreciate it? Do you? Ha, ha!

And furthermore, you're making a big mistake.

And he thought you ought to have a doctor.

And remember: once taken, this oath has never been broken by any man,

And Stan and I are going.

And the change of climate will be good for us in a good many ways.

And you used to pump the organ, remember? You little organ pumper, you!

Are you telling me the truth?

Are you trying to infer that my husband alone was the cause of this?

Baby's home, sugar!

Be a man. I'll see you in the morning.

Be careful! Do you want them to hear us?

Besides being good for us in a business way.

Betty has gone duck hunting and won't be home until late.

Betty said that honesty was the best politics.

Betty, I could have sworn I heard that door close.

Brothers, Sons of the Desert.

But Doctor, wouldn't the mountains do as well?

But he can't go to the mountains. He took an oath.

But I can't go to Honolulu alone. I've got to have someone to take care of me.

But why do you want to go to Honolulu?

But you're going to the mountains with me!

By the way, what part of California are you fellows from?

Can you beat that? I'm sure glad we didn't go.

Can you take it? Say, boys, come on!

Certainly, life isn't short enough.

Charlie tells me you're from Los Angeles. What part?

Come here, dear. Sit down there.

Come in.

Come on, Stanley.

Come on, Stanley.

Come on!

Come on! Get going! Hurry up!

Come over to my table and have a drink.

Convention! You'll go to the convention over my dead body.

Do you all swear to be present at our 87th annual convention in Chicago?

Do you know that's my wife?

Do you mind if Stanley stays with us until Betty comes home?

Do you realise that you have locked me out?

Do you think a story like that could come from my mind if it wasn't the truth? It's ridiculous!

Doctor, I'm so glad you're here. My husband's been suffering terribly.

Don't forget, you and I have a little argument to settle. After that, you can do as you please.

Don't get nervous. She'll be here in a minute.

Don't sit there looking at me. Do something to help me! Get me some rope.

Don't talk that way! You give me the jitters!

Don't tell him anything.

Don't worry about me. I've got my gun and I've never missed yet.

Don't worry, dear. Let's think for the best.

Don't worry, Lottie. Maybe they're not as bad off as we think.

Don't you understand that this is only a subterfuge?

Don't you worry about it.

Down through the centuries of time, in the history of this fraternal organisation.

Eh... Goodbye, sugar.

Every man must be accounted for.

Every man must do his part. There must be no weaklings in our midst.

Every man should be the king in his own castle!

Extra paper! Get your evening paper!

For gentlemen, this, the oldest lodge in the Great Order of the Sons of the Desert

For the meticulous care with which you have executed your finely formulated machinations

Get me out of here!

Get out of my way!

Get that thermometer.

Get that thing out of here! Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.

Get that thing out of the way!

Get that!

Get up!

Give me a hand with the spring.

Go ahead and tell her.

Go on. Get down. Go on.

Good night, I'll run along. If they come here first, give me a call.

Good. Did you fix it with him to tell me that I have to go to Honolulu for my nerves?

Great gag, huh? Great gag.

Have a cigarette.

Have a cigarette.

Have courage, Lottie. Let's not think of the worst.

He could be having such a good time instead of being in that awful shipwreck.

He didn't want me to tell you, but he's awfully worried about you

He had just as much to do with it as my Oliver did.

He told me to tell you we were sinking in that shipwreck.

He will please be seated.

He wouldn't leave that ship until everybody was saved.

He's been eating that phoney fruit.

He's going to be alright. Yes, he is.

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello? So this is Charlie's sweet little sister.

Help me get out of here!

Help, help, help!

Here I am, slaving day after day, washing and ironing 'til my fingers bleed.

Here you are, old man. Just keep the change.

Hey, here they are now! Where's that gun?

Hey, I bet you don't grow flowers there that smell like this.

Hey, waiter! A bottle of champagne!

Hey, waiter! Another bottle of bubble water. I'll be right back!

Hey, what's the laugh? I don't get it.

Hey! Isn't she a ''Dob''?

Hey! Kitty, kitty, kitty! Boo, boo, boo, boo!

Hey! Oh, no, no, no... That's still going to go on the floor.

Hey.

Hold this while I get some rope.

Honest confession is good for the soul. Is Oliver telling the truth?

Honolulu liner sinking! Extra!

How about you and me going to the mountains?

How are we going to get to a hotel?

How did you get in there?

I admit that he lied, but there is one thing that I do know.

I can't believe it!

I didn't think his religion would make any difference.

I do feel hot. You'd better take my temperature.

I do!

I feel as if they were hovering right over me!

I feel just like I know you.

I fight crowds in department stores, dying of the heat,

I forgot to tell you. I asked Betty and she said that I could go.

I go places and do things and then tell my wife.

I have the strangest feeling. I...

I hope you have a nice time, dear.

I just read it. What are we going to do?

I know she went out, but what I'd like to know is where did she went!

I know, I'm doing the best I can.

I may not be king of my castle, but I certainly wouldn't allow my wife to wear any pants.

I never realised that such a deplorable condition existed in your home.

I repeat. This oasis must face the situation with determination.

I sure will! What's the address?

I think he's suffering from a nervous shakedown.

I think I'd better go and get some dry clothes on.

I want this understood once and for all!

I was afraid that if I took the oath to go to the convention, maybe my wife wouldn't let me go.

I was looking for Betty and came in the back way. I thought...

I won't go to Honolulu.

I wonder what could be the matter with me.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

I wouldn't have gone through this horrible experience.

I...

I'd hate to think what would happen if he ever did.

I'd just love to have you meet my husband.

I'd like to see my old woman throwing things around.

I'd say... Hello, honey.

I'll bet you can't guess who this is!

I'll put you in jail first. And you, too!

I'll show you, you Son of the Desert. Go to a convention, will you? Ha, ha!

I'll telephone the steamship company and ask if they've got a list of survivors.

I'll tell Betty that I caught you smoking a cigarette.

I'll tell you why. So you won't be ashamed of me.

I'm a very bad sailor and I can't stand the water.

I'm dyingto hear Oliver's story.

I'm going to call her up long distance and disguise my voice so she won't know who it is!

I'm going to the convention.

I'm in Chicago. They're throwing a convention for me.

I'm just going all to pieces!

I'm not going to sit here all night and catch pneumonia.

I'm not going to the convention, I'm going to the mountains.

I'm not kidding! If you don't believe me, go in and ask them.

I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so sorry.

I'm the boss in this house, and when I say I'm going to the convention, I'm going...

I've got a great idea for a gag. Know what I'll do?

I've got a sister who lives out there.

I've planned a vacation for you in the mountains, at a nice resort

If any member is doubtful of his strength to keep this solemn pledge,

If I didn't ask her, I wouldn't know what she wanted me to do.

If I didn't know that Oliver was in Honolulu, I'd swear that was him on the phone.

If I have to go to Honolulu alone, he's going with me!

If my ball and chain ever talked to me... If she even dared to raise her...

If they had, they'd be up here. To catch a Hardy they have to get up very early in the morning.

If we had...

If you can't go, sugar, I'lljust stay at home and suffer.

If you go downstairs and spill the beans,

If you think you're gallivanting off with a lot of hoodlums,

If you're not careful she'll get the upper hand of you, mark my words.

In extricating us from this devastating dilemma.

Is he?

It looks to me like a severe nervous breakdown.

It might be double canis deliris.

It would have to be broken for generations of centuries of hundreds of years.

It's all my fault!

It's disgraceful. I never heard of such goings off... on.

It's made of wax!

It's probably our imagination. We're both so nervous and upset.

It's the first time he ever did, and if it wasn't for your husband's bad influence

It's the idea of them making a sucker out of me. That's what burns me up.

It's your little brother Charlie.

Jack who?

Just because I'm an unselfish, what does it get me? Working for you and your interests!

Just wait 'til I get back home and I'll show youwho the truthful one is.

Just wait 'til you get back home, you inflated tadpole.

Killing myself trying to get a nice mountain outfit together! Why? Why?!

Let these fellows have a chance. Come on!

Listen, darling. I'll get you some aspirin. Oh, and I'll get you some more hot water.

Listen, I want you to talk to a fellow from Los Angeles. A swell guy.

Locked.

Look.

Los Angeles? What a small world, what a small world!

Los Angeles.

Lottie, Lottie! Look!

Maybe Stanley will be kind enough to go with you.

Maybe they're in Betty's house.

Me, too.

Move over a bit more, I can't find it.

Must be represented 100% at our annual convention in Chicago next week.

My, my, my...

New York 43!

New York 47!

No kidding. I haven't laid eyes on her since I got out of reform school!

No, Betty. Now I wish I'd let him go to the convention.

No, that's our story and we're stuck with it... in it.

No! No, we go down there. Go on, get your hat!

No! We went to the convention. We didn't go to Honolulu at all!

No. I'm sorry, Mrs Hardy.

Not ''pot''. ''Pod''.

Not ''typhoid''. He means ''typhoon'', sugar.

Not you!

Now hold it for me.

Now there, darling, you be quiet. Oh, my poor little lambkin.

Now, buck up. Go in and tell her that you're going to the convention.

Now, now. Don't get all upset. I know what's good for you.

Now, wait a minute! You listen to this.

O ho...

Of course not.

Of course she'll let you go. Why, she'll have to let you go.

Oh boy, oh boy! Right, sit down.

Oh, Betty! Do be careful. It might be a burglar.

Oh, Betty! Do you really think that they're safe?

Oh, Betty. I do hope the boys are safe. The suspense is just killing me!

Oh, Betty. If I could only see him once more.

Oh, boy!

Oh, boy! Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, fine. Here, darling. Here's your aspirin. Now, take your feet out.

Oh, is that so?

Oh, my boiled little sugar bunny!

Oh, Oliver! What's happened, where are your clothes?

Oh, shut up! Don't talk back to me!

Oh, so that'swhere it's been going! That's the third apple I've missed this week!

Oh, tell us all about it, please!

Oh, that's a ''Dob''!

Oh, then you're not going to the mountains?

Oh, yes, you are. You're going to Honolulu if you have to go alone!

Oh, you poor dear! I'll get you some cold water.

Oh! Get...

Oh.

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... Well, you can do as you please,

Ohh!

Oliver, I want you to be big. Bigger than you've ever been before.

On our way back from Honolulu we were in a terrible shipwreck.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Oooh!

Ooohh, ooohh...

Ooohh!

Ooohh! What are we going to do?

Open up your mouth.

Our wives think that we're in Honolulu for my health.

Pick that up so they won't know that we've been here.

Place yourself in position to receive the oath.

Please close the door. There's an awful draught in here.

Po d!

Po d.

Probably that terrible argument we had the other night caused it all.

Put that paper down and let's go!

Quiet, please! Mr Ruthbert has a radiogram he wishes to read.

Quit your kidding! Where does he live?

See, Stanley? Honesty is the best policy.

Shall we tell him?

She asked me if I was from Los Angeles and I said, ''Yes''.

She knew we were coming today. Why did she go to the mountains?

She makes me sick!

She's only clowning. She'll snap out of it.

Shh!

Simple. We'll go down through Betty's house.

Sit down!

Sit up, sit up.

Spread your legs!

Stanley wouldn't dare lie to you... Ha, ha, ha!

Stanley?

Such a good idea! Come on!

Take everything!

Tell them about the shipwreck, and nobody will be any the wiser.

Texas 97!

Texas 97!

Thank you, Officer.

Thank you.

That settles it. I'm not going to Honolulu.

That you're going to the... that you're going to the mountains!

That's a ''Dob'', isn't it, boy?

That's a barometer!

That's all there is. There isn't any more. Is there, Stanley?

That's just what I said: that you're not going to the mountains,

That's right, we...

That's right. I'm glad you reminded me.

The Exhausted Ruler said that if you took an oath,

The ship started to sink and we both dived overboard.

The Sons of the Desert are giving their annual convention in Chicago next week

The upper hand of me? Hm, impossible!

The weak must be helped by the strong.

Then she said, ''What part?'' and I said, ''All of me!''

Then we'll go to a hotel and we'll be just as comfortable as two peas in a po d.

Then, on the other hand...

There must be no thought of failure. We must stand shoulder to shoulder.

There you are. Fit for a king!

There, darling. Everything is going to be alright.

There, now. There. That's better.

There. Now try that.

There's no one in there.

There's something very strange going on.

They are probably asleep and didn't hear it.

They're both like two peas in a pod.

They're in Honolulu, alright. But Stanley wouldn't dare lie to me.

This is the latest wireless report.

This oasis must meet the situation with determination.

This way, Doctor.

This wouldn't have happened.

To any convention whenever you want to... Not for a minute, you're not!

To throw the wives off the track so that we can go to the convention.

Up, out you go! Oh, you poor thing! Oh, my goodness!

Uuhh! Uuhh!

Wait a minute, calm yourself! Let's hear their story first.

Wait a minute, sugar. There's no use getting excited.

Wait a minute. Here, go ahead.

Wait!

Wasn't that a ''Dob''?

We are all familiar with the business of this special meeting.

We are not going to sit up all night.

We must put our very hearts and souls into this great undertaking.

We must work, we must sacrifice.

We ship hiked.

We slept in the attic.

We sure were lucky.

We were sailing along in clear weather when all of a sudden a terrible storm came up.

We were up on the roof.

We will now take the oath.

We'd go like that, and they'd pick us up.

We'll fix ourselves a nice bed and be just as comfortable as two peas in a pod.

We'll have a good night's sleep, go down in the morning,

We'll hide. No, not there! Get up!

We'll ride down the drainpipe, put our clothes on in the garage and go to a hotel.

We're going home in the morning and nobody's any the wiser.

We're just like two peas in a pot.

We're seeing as much here as we could've seen in Honolulu.

We're supposed to go there so that the wives will think that we...

We've got to face this situation with determination.

We've got to get out of here. We'll spend the night in a hotel.

Well, fancy hearing from you after all these years. I haven't seen you since you sang in the choir.

Well, for goodness' sake! It's my brother Charlie.

Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

Well, how did you get here?

Well, I never thought of that. Will you go, Stanley?

Well, I try not to, but... I'm so worried about Oliver.

Well, if she didn't go to the mountains, Mohammed would have to come here.

Well, if they're safe, Oliver certainly deserves a medal.

Well, it certainly is. It's too far fetched not to be the truth.

Well, the rescue ship with the survivors doesn't get in until tomorrow.

Well, what's new, sugar?

Well, you think it over. I'll see you in the morning.

Well... Stan and I would be swimming along, we'd see a boat coming our way,

What are you eating?

What convention?

What did I tell you? We've been to the convention, had a swell time,

What did she say?

What do we tell them?

What do you mean you're going to the convention?

What do you mean, am I telling you the truth?

What do you mean, thumbed your way?

What do you mean?

What do you think this is? Halloween? Come in here, you bad boy.

What do you want?

What does it say?

What has he been doing now?

What has Mohammed got to do with my wife?

What he really needs is a long ocean voyage with plenty of tropical air and sun.

What seems to be the trouble?

What?

When he gets back home and I ask him, he'll confess and tell me everything.

Where are you?

Where did he go?

Where do you think I live?

Where they play bridge and have lectures on art.

Wholeheartedly unanimous.

Why did you get a veterinarian?

Why did you let him do that? You know I don't like doctors.

Why don't you pattern your life after mine?

Why don't you ring the bell? She'll let you in.

Why don't you wait 'til tomorrow morning so that we can talk it over?

Why... Aargh!

Will you get out of my way?

With the rest of the Sons of the... oh, the Sons of the Desert!

Write this down.

You can do what you like, but I'm going home.

You didn't tell her about going to the convention.

You guys are killing me!

You know how unselfish he always was.

You know what we'll do? We'll climb down the garage and change our clothes in the drainpipe.

You little jokester. When you get back to town, drop in and see me.

You see, Betty? He's no different from the rest!

You see, we'll meet new friends and... see a lot of new faces

You see? We're killing two birds with one stone.

You see. If you'd let me go to the convention,

You tell your story, Ollie.

You want to run off to the convention.

You wax eater!

You'd better tell him that Betty went duck hunting and won't get back until late.

You'll do just as the doctor says.

You'll do nothing of the kind. If the doctor says you must go to Honolulu,

You'll have me catching ammonia... pneumonia!

You're going to have a doctor, and you're going to do just what the doctor says.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

You're not going to the convention. You're going to the mountains with me.

You're not moving out tonight are you, sugar?

You're perspiring. Maybe you have got a fever.

You're pulling a fast one, huh?

You're yellow.

You've gone all to pieces! And it happened so suddenly.

2 2 2 2 Fairview Avenue.

2 2...

Am I glad to see you! Aahh!

An apple. Where did you get it?

And here we are. Aren't you glad we got back home safe?

Are you going to stand for that? You're darned right I won't stand for it.

Are you going? Huh?

As bad as that? Even worse.

Betty, did you hear that? I certainly did.

Betty, let me... No, I'll pay.

But isn't she a swell gal? She sure is.

Can you imagine them going to that convention? I don't mind that so much.

Come on, get... Ooohh!

Did you get the doctor? He'll be here in a few minutes.

Didn't it, Stanley? Yeah, and then we floundered in a typhoid.

Didn't we, Stanley? Just as the boat went down for the third time.

Do you appreciate it? Do you? Well, you don't...

Do you know what I would say? What?

Do you think I'd better put him to bed? No, no.

Do you think they saw us? Of course not!

Get in bed. Huh?

Good evening. Good evening.

Good night. Good night.

Ha, ha, ha. That's more than that blimp of yours will do.

Have you anything else to say? Why, no.

He means... Shut up!

He's locked out. Oh, alright.

Here's your long distance call. Oh, swell!

Hm! I didn't want...

I can't go to Honolulu. Why?

I certainly am. That wax eater of yours is no different.

I didn't have very good luck. Here's a couple. Thanks, Betty.

I don't want to... Shh!

I said, ''Are you going?'' Yes, sugar... Mrs Hardy.

I wonder where she is. Maybe she went out.

I'll call the police. That's a fine idea.

I'll show you that my Oliver is upright. Oh, skip it.

I've got to hand it to you. For what?

If it's that bad, you should give him something. Oh, Doctor! You must give him something.

If you're going to act that way, I'm going. Don't leave me, Betty! Don't leave me here!

In there. Why, that's not real fruit! It's imitation!

Is Stanley with you? He just went in the house.

Is this the house? Yes, sir.

Isn't it, Stanley? It's imposterous.

It looks like we're here for the night. We can't sit up here all night.

It must be the lightning. You little double crosser!

It must have got there after we left. Yes, it must have got there after we left.

It's absurd! It's the silliest thing I've ever heard.

Jack, how are you? Glad to see you.

Lottie! So Stan wouldn't dare lie to you?

Maybe she went to the mountains with Betty. That's probably just where she is.

My wife wouldn't... Do you have to ask your wife everything?

New York 43! Washington 27!

Now what are we going to do? What do you think?

Now, isn't this nice? It sure is.

Oh, Betty! What was that? I'll find out.

Oh, darling. You sit down. Alright.

Oh, Lottie! Hello, Betty. Come on in.

Oh, nothing to speak of. Yes, there is.

Oh, sugar? Yes?

Oh, you are? We thought that the trip would do us good.

Oh, you poor darling. Get that thing out of there!

Oh. Well, good night. Good night.

Oh... Oh!

Ohh! Quick! Let's get on the roof! Come on!

Oliver? Yes, baby?

Oliver. What, sugar?

Ollie, dear. Yes, sugar?

Ooohh! What's the matter?

Our plan is working out great. It sure is. I've got it all fixed.

Po d. Shut up!

Shh! Don't shush me!

Shh! It serves you right!

Shh! Shh!

Ship hiked? Yes, we thumbed our way.

Sit down, Lottie. You make me nervous. Oh, shut up!

Sit down! Shut up!

So you don't want to talk? Well, it's just...

So, you're turning yellow. Huh?

Stan, did you get a doctor? Yes, ma'am. The best in town.

Stanley? What?

Stanley's in there, too. Oh...

Texas 97! Texas 93!

Thank you, sugar. Ha, Ha!

Thank you. You're welcome.

That is, if they were going our way. Certainly.

The Exhausted Ruler said that... Now, listen, dodo! You keep out of this!

The rescue... Oh.

The what? Thermometer. You'll find it on the shelf.

This is Mr Hardy. Hello, Doctor.

Uh oh. What's the matter, Lottie?

Wait 'til I get my second wind. Stanley, whatever happened?

Well, well, well... California, eh? 19.

What are you doing? I've lost the aspirin. Can you move over a bit?

What are you going to do with it? None of your business. Do as I tell you!

What are you going to tell Betty? I'll tell her everything.

What did she say? Never mind what she said. What did Betty say?

What did you hang up for? We had a bad connection.

What do you mean I'm not going? Just that!

What do you think? Oh, don't pay any attention to her.

What do you want? I've locked myself out.

What is it, Doctor? It looks like a bad case of canis deliris.

What time? About half past... What time!

What's going on here? Nothing, Officer.

What's new, sugar? Oh, nothing much. What's new with you?

What's that for? Just this: you are not going.

What's the matter, Lottie? You look worried. I just had a run in with my barnacle.

Where do you live? Huh?

Where do you live? I'd rather not say.

Where do you live? Next door to him.

Where does he live? In there.

Where? To Honolulu!

Where's Stanley? He's gone out.

Who said so? Him.

Why did you tell me to spread my legs? I didn't want you to get your feet wet.

Why didn't you want to take the oath? I was afraid.

Why don't you compromise? What do you mean, ''compromise''?

Why? You keep out of this!

Why... Err... Oh, we ship hiked.

Would you tell her that? I certainly would.

Would you? I would.

Wouldn't they? Yeah.

You know, Stanley can't swim a stroke. Oh, I never thought of that!

You think up your story, I've got mine. I can't think of any.

You took an oath! I know. That's what I'm worrying about.

..Honolulu.

''A list of the casualties will be made known as soon as a complete check up is made.''

''Expect to arrive in port in 36 hours.'' Signed, Captain John Zilo.

''Honolulu liner sinking. Foundering in typhoon.''

''Honolulu Steamship Company, Los Angeles.''

''Meticulous''...

''Notes from the clubs''.

''Passengers and crew on SS Muana in panic as wireless fails.''

''Rescue ship due back in Los Angeles harbour tomorrow.''

''Sister ship Leuana reaches scene of disaster in 90 mile gale.''

''The survivors of the ill fated liner have been transferred to the rescue ship.''

''Wet and windy.''

# A hula maid was dancing and I knew I'd found my paradise

# And gie's a hand o' thine

# And here's a hand, my trusty fiere

# And the dark complexion I just idolise?

# And those pretty red lips and that sunny smile?

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# and your dark complexion that I idolise?

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# And your dark complexion that I idolise?

# As a unit melody

# Di, di, di...

# Down on a South Sea island

# For auld lang syne

# Having the time of our lives

# Honolulu Baby

# Honolulu Baby

# Honolulu Baby gonna call your bluff

# Honolulu baby where did you get that style

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# Honolulu Baby where did you get those eyes

# Honolulu Baby won't you close those eyes...

# Honolulu Baby you know your stuff

# Honolulu Baby...

# I strayed upon some maidens who were strumming on their guitars

# Marching along 10,000 strong

# So this is what I told her as I gazed into her eyes

# Ta ta, my sweetheart and wife, God bless them

# The Sons of the Desert are we.

# Then you shake it up and down

# Tramp, tramp, tramp the boys are marching

# Underneath the beauty of the stars

# We are the Sons of the Desert

# We'll tak' a cup o' kindness now

# When you start to dance your hula hooping dance

# When you've got the boys going to town

# Where did you get those eyes

# Where did you get those eyes

# You shake a little here you shake a little there