Fawlty Towers - Season 1 Edit

A better class of person.

A couple of hundr... h... h... horses.

A double? A suite?

A field of wheat waving in the... waving

A gin and orange,

A gin and orange, a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please!

A gin and orange, a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please!

A gin and orange, a lemon squash and a scotch and water, please.

A higher class of clientele!

A hundred? Oh, absolutely.

A lemon squash and a scotch and water, please!

Absolutely... I mean, uh, how much?

Accommodation for a few nights?

Ah, Fawlty!

Ah, Good Evening, Lord Melbury.

Ah, good evening, Major.

Ah, Good Evening, Mr. Wareing.

Ah, good. May I wish you bon apetit.

Ah, I thought you were going out, dear.

Ah, Lord Melbury!

Ah, Lord Melbury. May I introduce my wife?

Ah, mantequilla!

Ah, more strikes.

Ah, Polly... did you cash it?

Ah, thank you so much.

Ah, there you are, Sybil.

Ah, yes, but when, Mr. O'reilly?

Ah, yes, Mr. O'reilly, well, it's perfectly simple.

Ah! All right.

Ah! D'olivera made a hundred!

Ah! Polly.

Ah... Good evening.

All British Empire of course.

All right! All right!

Allo!

And Basil, please get that picture up,

And creme pot... Pot rouge?

And find their current value.

And get that picture up.

And have it for you here when you get back.

And I'd rather not go into the town.

And in this day and age such...

And insure them for the full amount.

And may I introduce your wife?

And then you attack Lord Melbury with a chair!

Any bricks?

Any valuables to deposit, Sir Richard?

Anything at all?

Are you going to hang the picture?

Arriving this evening. For two nights.

As usual... just here.

As you seem to get on so well together.

Ask him to have a quick look at them,

Automovil blanco y lo traer a la sala numero siete.

Basil, 22 rooms is the limit!

Basil, are you doing the menu?

Basil, it's 6:00.

Basil, the morrises are leaving.

Basil, what's going on?

Basil, why didn't they get their alarm call?

Basil!

Basil!

Because he's cheap and keen to learn, dear.

Because he's pulling some big con trick in the town.

Because I forgot.

Because we've just heard

Both names, please.

Breeding... I mean... oh!

Burro... burro is hee haw, hee haw.

But he asked me to tell you...

But I will bring you the carte des vins

But the reason we're late is we didn't get our alarm call.

But today is a real old, uh, rotter.

But we do have some beautiful doubles...

But why did you say you could speak the language?

But with the class of guests one gets nowadays...

But...

Can I buy you a drink?

Can I have some wine, please?

Casserole.

Certainly.

Coins tickles your interest.

Come on! Come on!

Come on.

Could I askyou please, to move to that table over there?

Could I have your name?

Could somebody answer that, please?

Could you fill it in, please?

Could you manage 50... oh! 100?

Did he? Did he really?

Did you know the female gibbon

Dinner here tonight, as our guest?

Do I still want you to take them

Do please come this way, your Lordship,

Do please excuse me one moment.

Do please follow me...

Don't forget the menu.

Don't forget the menu.

Don't forget the picture, Basil.

Don't mention this to my wife,

Dos?

Drive carefully, dear.

Dustmen, post office...

English!

Enough to keep me in waitressing.

Entrusts to us, a case of valuables...

Er, auto bianco sportiv.

Evening, Fawlty.

Evening, Fawlty.

Evening, Mrs. Fawlty.

Exactly! Exactly!

Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you.

Fawlty!

Fill this in, would you, Sir?

First you move that nice family in the middle of their meal,

Gestates for seven months?

Get on with your meals! Thank you so much.

Get them revalued,

Go and be a waiter in there!

Go and wait!

Go away.

Good evening, Major.

Good for him, good old dolly.

Good morning, good morning.

Good morning, Major.

Good morning, Miss Gatsby. Morning, Miss Tibbs.

Good morning. Friday, Sat...

Good! Good!

Goodbye. See you again!

Got a room for tonight, mate?

Got a room?

Gracias, gracias.

G****fruit.

Have they really?

Have you got a half bottle of the beaujolais?

Have you made up the bill for room 12, Basil?

Haven't any rooms. Good day.

Hay mucho burro alli!

He showed me identification.

He speak good... how do you say...?

He was quite charming...

He's a confidence trickster.

He's a great expert,

He's from Barcelona.

He's not Lord Melbury,

He's so common.

Hello, dear, just doing the picture.

Hello, dear.

Hello, Fawlty Towers?

Hello, Fawlty Towers.

Hello, Lord Melbury!

Hello!

Hello?

Here's the check for £ 200.

Hope you enjoy your stay, Mr. Brown.

How much did it cost?

How very wise if I may say so, your honor.

I am doing the bill for these charming people who are in a hurry.

I am so sorry I am not perfect!

I beg your pardon?

I beg your pardon?

I beg your pardon?

I beg your pardon?

I beg your pardon?

I beg your pardon?

I believe you were expecting us.

I decided, Sybil, to advertise.

I do apologize for the tardiness of the arrival

I do apologize, I was just talking to Lord...

I do apologize, please forgive me.

I do apologize, your Lordship.

I do apologize... You bastard!

I do beg your pardon.

I do beg your pardon. I'm so sorry.

I don't know where I'd be without you.

I don't know why you wanted to hire him, Basil.

I don't think you realize how long it takes to do the menu,

I expect it to up when I come back.

I had two bars.

I have to put the picture up...

I have told you where we advertise.

I have your table over here by the window.

I hear it's coming along wonderfully at the moment!

I heard about lunch.

I learned classical Spanish,

I mean 150,

I mean if it's not a personal question.

I mean, have you seen the people in room six?

I mean, if you're ready. There's no hurry.

I mean, the sky's the limit!

I never thought I would live to see the day

I rang, Mr. Fawlty, I must speak with you.

I see my little collection of

I see.

I shall be staying for one or two nights...

I shall have to see, sir...

I think he's killed him!

I thought you said you wanted...

I trust the beer is to your satisfaction, Sir?

I was hoping that instead of just dumping the bricks in a pile,

I was just think...

I was thinking...

I was up at 5:00, you know,

I was wondering... can you cash me a small check?

I will speak to them again,

I wish they were staying a week.

I won't, dear, leave it to me.

I wonder, could I deposit this case with you?

I'll call the police.

I'll cancel my holiday, do it then.

I'll do it then, then I'll do the picture...

I'll do it. Thank you manuel.

I'll have the gralefrit.

I'll never get it up.

I'll put it in the safe straightaway.

I'll put this away in one moment, your Lord.

I'll send someone to the town straightaway

I'm afraid he's only just joined us.

I'm dealing with something important out here, Sybil.

I'm going out now.

I'm just off to the kitchen, Basil.

I'm playing golf this afternoon...

I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, your Lordship.

I'm so sorry to trouble you.

I'm so sorry, it's not all done by magic.

I'm so sorry. He's only just arrived, you see.

I'm sorry to cause all this trouble,

I'm sorry?

I'm sure Manuel will be able to tell you,

I'm sure you'll like it...

I'm talking to Lord Melbury!

I've had a word with Lord Melbury about it.

I've never been in such a place in my life.

If the menus are late for lunch, it doesn't matter,

If there aren't any dustbins to be cleaned out...

If we can attract this class of customer,

If you can.

If you hadn't spent the whole morning

In Spain.

In the car... The white sports.

In the land of the living, probably.

In the middle of a meal again.

In the traditional fashion.

In there! Go and wait In there!

In trust...

In... Manuel!

Is he?

Is impossible.

Is not easy for me... entender

Is that all that matters to you? Money?

Is there any part of the room

Is there nobody who can answer that?

Is there something, anything, I can do for you?

It comes with sprouts or carrots.

It could have occurred anywhere.

It doesn't matter, I'll hang the picture now.

It makes you want to cry, doesn't it?

It stands out a mile, doesn't it?

It was the smallest of accidents.

It was the smallest of accidents.

It'd be quicker to train a monkey, ha ha ha!

It'd be quicker to train a monkey.

It's been there for a week.

It's been there since Monday, Sybil.

It's just a few valuables?

It's not easy for you to understand.

It's only the true upper class

It's rather grey today, isn't it?

It's the whole point!

It's very good. Do you sell any?

Je ne sais quoi?

Just a single. Absolutely!

Just between ourselves,

Just one case.

Just thought it might be nice to...

Key?

Let me take your cases for you.

Let's have a look at these valuables.

Let's see, that's uh, dinner tonight, few tips...

Little investment too.

Lo voy a coger ahora.

Look, it's perfectly simple!

Look, Sybil,

Lord Melbury, I really must apologize again...

Lord Melbury, may I offer you a little apertif as our guest?

Lower.

Lower.

Mantequilla, solamente, dos.

Mantequilla. Burro is... is hee haw.

Manuel sirvase buscar mi equipaje que esta en el

Manuel, another g****fruit for table 12.

Manuel, por favor. Uno momento.

Manuel, will you take these cases to room 21.

Manuel!

Manuel!

Manuel!

Manuel!

Manuel... we're training him.

Morning, Fawlty.

Mr. Brown is from the C.I.D.

Mr. Brown of M.I.5 has been impressing you with.

Mr. Brown told me.

Mr. Brown's from the C.I.D.

Mr. Fawlty to you, Lord Melbury.

Mr. Tone is in number seven, dear.

Muy muy bien. Formidable!

My dear woman, Sir Richard and Lady Morris,

My wife, may I introduce his Lordship.

Naturally, naturally! Naturellement!

Newspapers!

Nice to have met you, Lord Melbury.

No entender.

No Sir, Uno dos tres. Uno, dos, tres.

No you don't, Basil.

No, he left while you were putting the picture up, Basil.

No, I am Lord Melbury, so I simply sign Melbury.

No, I don't. But don't ever move guests

No, I haven't yet, no.

No, I like a bit of cabaret.

No, I was expecting somebody else.

No, I'm not doing the menu, dear.

No, make it a double, I feel lucky today!

No, no, habla muy bien.

No, no, I'd better put this up, I suppose.

No, no, just a single.

No, no. Hay mucho burro alli!

No, no. The list!

Not on those trays.

Not personally, no.

Not the strange dialect he seems to have picked up.

Not you.

Nothing, dear, I'm just dealing with it.

Nothing, my dear, nothing at all.

Now balm carousel... Lamb?

Now if you like, I could take them with me,

Now, about my priceless collection of coins?

Now!

Number seven is free, Basil.

Obtener la valisa...

Of course it's pure ignorance,

Of course usually down here it's quite beautiful,

Of course you haven't.

Of doing something for your fellow man, of service?

Of your newspaper this morning, Major.

Oh, and it's the weekend, isn't it?

Oh, dear, I am sorry.

Oh, delighted!

Oh, don't, please stay, you'll like it here.

Oh, fine.

Oh, fine. No hurry.

Oh, good, how nice, how very thoughtful.

Oh, hello, Brenda.

Oh, hello.

Oh, how nice of him!

Oh, I don't know what other tales

Oh, I haven't... 15?

Oh, I'm so happy!

Oh, it's delightful to have people like that staying here.

Oh, Mr. Fawlty...

Oh, my God!

Oh, not at all, my privilege.

Oh, nothing, please forget all about it.

Oh, please don't bother with that.

Oh, smile's extra, is it?

Oh, splendid!

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, thank You, Polly, for the...

Oh, we're not full,

Oh, why not? Indeed, yes.

Oh, yes, ah, do you still...

Oh, yes, I mean, will 100 be enough?

Oh, yes, it is, rather.

Oh, yes, yes, fine.

Oh, yes?

Oh, yes. You take my advice.

Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about.

Oh!

Oh! Sorry.

Oh... Ole.

Oh... You're Sir Richard and Lady Morris,

One double room without bath for the 16th, 17th and 18th.

One half bottle of beaujolais.

One moment! One moment, please!

One of those nature films on television.

Only joking.

Perhaps you'd pay my wife,

Pero he olvidado mucho.

Please let me take it now.

Please think nothing of it.

Please, Mr. Fawlty...

Please, please, think nothing of it.

Please! Yes! Oh, ha, ha! Oh, tremendous!

Please... Manuel!

Polly says they didn't get their alarm call.

Poor, innocent, misguided child that you are.

Pop into the bank and just...

Portugaise. Tomato soup.

Prenda las casos en... Oh, doesn't matter.

Pronto.

Que?

Que?

Que?

Quite. Talking about, um,

Racket?

Ready to order?

Right, I'm afraid we're a bit late for our train,

Right, thank you.

Right!

Right! I'll do the menu.

Right! Never mind! Never mind!

Right.

See if something can be done.

Senor habla espanol!

Senor.

Seven months?

Seven! Well, well...

Seven... my word.

Sheer class, golf, baths, engagements,

Si, Senor.

Si, si, si.

Siete... por favor.

Sir Richard and Lady Morris.

Skulking in there listening to that racket.

So as not to cause you embarrassment.

So long as they pay their bills, Basil.

Solo un poco, lo siento.

Someone at reception, Basil?

Someone at reception, dear.

Sorry about that, Mr. Fawlty.

Sorry about that.

Sorry, Mr. Fawlty.

Sorry, sorry! Sorry about that.

Sorry!

Sounds good. Does it come with a smile?

Sour old rat.

Splendid, splendid.

Still, it's good for the wheat.

Such... Oh, I don't know what.

Sybil, do not open that case, I forbid it!

Sybil, I forbid you to open that safe!

Sybil, I forbid you to take that case out!

Sybil, I know the hotel business.

Sybil, look!

Sybil, we've got to try and attract

Sybil, would you put this in the safe, please?

Sybil!

Take it to room seven?

Take... to room... 21.

Thank God! I love the wheat.

Thank you so much, goodbye.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. I won't be one moment.

Thank you very much, your Lordship.

Thank you, Basil, we've sorted it out.

Thank you, Polly.

Thank you, thank you so much, Polly.

Thank you, thank you so much.

Thank you, thank you, your Lordship.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That and the potato famine I suppose.

That the duke of Buckleigh is dead!

That would have tat like that.

That's Brahms! Brahms's Third racket!

That's extremely kind of you.

That's most... You're really... Ah, your Lordship,

That's very kind of you. Dry sherry, if you please.

The guests can look at the picture till they are ready, right?

The list, there! The red... there!

The usual?

The waiter is busy, Sir,

The whole morning?

Their value's soared this last couple of years.

There is too much butter on those trays.

There is too much butter on those trays.

There must be someone.

There you are, there's the bill.

There, there, the list!

There, there!

There!

There's no sight like

They are the commonest, vulgarest, most...

They treat you like dirt, you know?

They're already here, Mr. Brown's outside.

They're going to arrest him when he leaves here,

They're watching Melbury. He's a confidence trickster.

They've been watching Melbury

They've never even sat on chairs before.

This advertisement is a waste of £ 40.

This gentleman's case from the car outside?

This is Lord Melbury's table, you see?

Throw it away!

Throw... it... away!

Throw... it... away?

To be valued by the Duke of Buckleigh, my Lord?

Tragic! Tragic!

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

Turn away some of the riffraff.

Two each! Arriba, arriba!

Two pieces!

Two, 160?

Uh, an oversight on my wife's part.

Uh, could we have our bill please?

Uh, if it's not a rude question?

Uh, Manuel, would you fetch

Uh, yeah. What's a gralefrit?

Unfortunately, I have an engagement tonight.

Unlike that cockney git whose ulterior motive

Up a bit.

Upper class piles of... pus!

Used to be quite a hobby of mine.

Valuables, of course.

Waiter!

Was that Lord Melbury? Has he gone?

We didn't get our alarm call.

We do have staff problems,

We'll be over there, then.

We'll have your bags brought up...

We're leaving!

We're losing tone.

We're making money.

We're not full. Of course we're not full!

We're only staying till Sunday!

We've given you room 12

We've given you room... aha!

Well I never... Here you are, Major.

Well, can you wait a minute?

Well, don't look at me, you're supposed to be able to speak it.

Well, don't.

Well, have you booked?

Well, how are you, Lord Melbury?

Well, how are you?

Well, I have filled this in...

Well, I was wondering if you could offer me

Well, I'd better put the picture up.

Well, I'll be off in a few moments.

Well, I'm doing this, dear, I'm doing the menu.

Well, I've never seen such tatty cases.

Well, if there's anything else,

Well, it is a personal...

Well, they're in a hurry,

Well, we don't have any suites,

Well, well, well...

Well, why did they put us here?

Well, why don't you do it now?

Well, will you give me a date?

What are you doing, Sybil?

What do you mean, you see?

What else?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Oh, that! Think nothing of it.

What? Oh, yes, yes.

What? Que?

What's happened to the old idea

What's the matter, Basil?

What's this?

When a peer of the realm,

When he stays with us, he always sits at this table.

When I asked you to build me a wall,

When I have finished attending to this Gentleman.

When I've when I've...

When you're down in the town this afternoon,

Where are you going? Where are you going?

Why don't you hang the picture now?

Why not? I've just been watching

Why, are you full?

Why?

With a bath?

With the duke of Buckleigh, do you know him?

With the view overlooking the park...

Would 200 be all right?

Would you allow me to offer you

Would you do me a favor?

Would you fetch the wine list please?

Would you help these people to that table?

Would you just pop...

Would you mind filling this out, please?

Would you mind moving to that table?

Would you mind? Polly!

Would you put both your names, please?

Y... a la sala...

Yeah, I only use one.

Yes, and if you'd be so good as to confirm by letter?

Yes, but now we can try and build up

Yes, fine.

Yes, got his head knocked off by a golf ball.

Yes, I should have guessed, Mr. O'reilly,

Yes, I suppose so.

Yes, I'm coming! Wait a moment!

Yes, we have met.

Yes, well, if you're too busy...

Yes, well, that would be splendid.

Yes, yes, ah, the flu, yes.

Yes, yes, I was just talking to Lord Melbury, dear.

Yes, yes, I will.

Yes, yes, them as well.

Yes, yes, well, yes?

Yes, yes, yes, but when?

Yes, you know, these sorts of things,

Yes?

Yes? Yes, right, well, yes, yes, what is it?

Yes.

You can't take any risks nowadays, I'm afraid.

You could have had them both done by now

You don't have a first name?

You have luggage, Sir?

You know, one on top of the other,

You know, Sotheby's and all that.

You left your sketch.

You might have found time to cement them together,

You see, I am having dinner tonight

You see, they saw our advertisement in country life.

You snobs!

You stupid, stuck up, toffee nosed, half witted...

You'd like us to keep away from?

You'll get one if you eat up all your sprouts.

You've got all morning to do the menu.

A single? Yeah.

Ah, yes. No, I don't.

Anywhere? Yes, anywhere, anywhere.

Basil! I'm just going, dear.

Basil! It's very important!

Basil! Yes, dear?

Bastard! Basil!

But it was so... No, no, no.

Can we talk in there? I can't.

Can't you see I'm busy? It's very important.

Could have happened anywhere. Anywhere?

Could I have a word with you? What?

Could I speak to you for just a minute? Not now, polly!

did you manage to... Oh yes.

Forty. Forty.

He's a con man! Oh, yes, of course,

Hello. Good morning.

Hope you enjoy your stay. Thank you so much.

How did you know? What?

I don't know what she's... Basil!

I mean, today... Mr. Fawlty?

I take them. No, no, go away!

I'd like, ah... One moment, please.

I'm sorry? Have you booked?

Is not easy for me. What?

It's about Lord Melbury. Yes?

It's very important. Later! Later!

Melbury. One second, please.

Mrs. Fawlty... Yes, Polly?

No, no, no, Senor! What?

No, no, quite. Well, I must be off.

No, we haven't. What?

No. Oh, dear!

Now, a room? A special room, a single?

Oh. Oh, actually...

Que? La valisa en el,

Sorry, Mr. Fawlty. Just one, please.

Thank you so much. Thank you very much.

The wine list. Si?

The wine... vino. Senor.

There you are, your Lordship. Ah, thank you very much.

There you are, your Lordship. Oh, Thank you, yes.

There! Thank you, dear.

They're just outside. Splendid.

Throw it away. Que?

Wait? Wait.

We're halfway through! Thank you so much.

Well done, Manuel. Que?

Well, so do I. Might pay for the ad then.

Well, that's really so... Basil!

Well? Well?

Well? Yes, all right,

What are you doing? I'm kissing you, dear.

What? Is impossible.

What? Lord Melbury.

Would you really? Yes, yes, certainly.

Yes I am, dear. When?

Yes, but... I've forgotten all about it.

Yes, Mr. Fawlty? Good, good.

Yes, yes. Just.

Yes? A single room with a...

Yes? There is one thing.

'Ow are yer then? All right, mate?

'Ow's me old mucker?