Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) Edit

A great humanitarian...

A hiker missing since Friday?

A magical afternoon...

A pet detective.

A reward would be good.

A search ended today when rescue workers...

A what?

Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. I've been sent with a special play:

Ace Ventura's here.

Ace, get out of the tank.

Ace, I want you to leave everything to us.

Ace, it's E.

Ace, what's going on?

Ace, you checked all the rings.

Aguado, it's Lieutenant Einhorn.

Aguado, send out a memo: No one talks to the press!

Aguado!

Aguado's working the case, all right?

All I give a damn about is winning the Super Bowl!

All right, that's it! Now it's my turn!

All right, we got marine winch, sling, feeder fish, 20,000 gallon tank...

All right!

All right! Here we go.

All right.

Alrighty, then!

Alrighty, then!

Always out with their signs:

Always trying to get his greedy hands on endangered species.

And it's good!

And it's not a pebble, it's a rare, triangular cut orange amber.

And look, he's throwing another I'm the richest man in the universe party.

And now...

And one hell of a model American.

And somebody get me some coffee!

And that! And that!

And there's the snap.

And they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff.

And this is the storage room. Down the hallway we have another...

And we do arts and crafts out here in the courtyard.

And who is he, a friend?

And you had to open the balcony door when you came in?

Animals were born free! Stop torturing Snowflake!

Answer's right there! Just gotta get blood to the brain!

Any trouble getting in?

Any unusual bets being made?

Apparently, the kidnappers came in through the back with a...

Are these all? There's only a dozen.

Are you another one of them Hard Copy guys?

Are you expecting Ray anytime soon?

Are you insane? There is no way that Camp stole Snowflake.

Are you satisfied?

Are you sure your date is all right?

As for Snowflake, they gave him Finkle's number, taught him how to kick a goal.

As for Snowflake, they gave him Finkle's number, taught him how to kick a goal.

As soon as I find this bird...

Assholomio

Back to the zoo.

Bastard!

Be careful with that phone. Ln time, you could develop a tumor.

Better look alive. Einhorn's on her way down.

Billionaire and rare fish collector.

Blames the whole thing on Marino.

Boy, that's really on there!

Busted out of a mental institute. He's been plotting his revenge for years.

But he got himself a ring, didn't he?

But I doubt very much...

But I find the reference section much more enlightening.

But I'm sure you already knew that.

But if I am mistaken...

But tell me this:

But thank you for asking.

But whoever was in that tank had a ring just like his.

But your wife expects him any minute.

By the way, I went ahead and solved that...

Call the police. Get extra security over there. Now!

Camp is connected with the dolphins?

Can you feel that, buddy?

Captain's log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the nearest decimal point.

Check it out, Marino.

Code 11 in progress, 343 Victorville Road...

Come here.

Come on, I thought you had a challenge for me.

Come on, let's go!

Come on, look at him!

Come on, now. Ace, please.

Come on, think!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on!

Come on.

Come to me, jungle friends.

Congratulations on all your success.

Congratulations.

Cost the Dolphins the game.

Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.

Cut! Again from the top.

Damn!

Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

Definitely.

Did you know...

Die, animal boy!

Do I look familiar to you? Does it seem as if we've...

Do that! If I'd been drinking out of the toilet, I might've been killed.

Do you know what you've done? You just cost me 25 grand, Polly.

Dog food. Why?

Dolphins trailing the 49ers...

Don't kill me!

Don't l?

Don't shoot!

Don't worry, if there's one thing I know...

Don't worry, Snowflake.

Eight years ago...

Einhorn is a man!

Einhorn is a man!

Einhorn is Finkle.

Einhorn thinks it may have been an animal rights group. You know FAN?

Everything okay in here? I heard some commotion.

Except, of course, for that spot of blood on the railing.

Excuse me, gentlemen!

Excuse me, Ron...

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Is Greg here?

Face it...

Fatty!

Fiber.

Fiction can be fun!

Field goal sails wide, Dolphins lose Super Bowl.

Fillet it and fast food it if you want to!

Find the fish...

Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!

Finkle and Einhorn! Finkle and Einhorn!

Finkle escaped from Shady Acres. They still have his stuff.

Finkle is Einhorn!

Finkle took it personally.

First, I'd establish a motive.

Five minutes alone, that's all I need!

Five seconds to go here in Super Bowl 17.

For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!

For instance...

Forget it. She's right.

Four wheel drive van, loaded from the rear.

Free Animals Now, started by Chelsea, daughter of industrialist Fisher Gamble?

Gee! Let me think.

Get away from the door.

Get him, Lois! Get him!

Get him!

Get me the autopsy on Podacter!

Get off me!

Get off me!

Get out! Get out!

Give me a push while you're back there.

Glad you could make it.

Go ahead. Snoop around!

Go get some more fish!

God!

Good boy!

Good call!

Good night!

Good question.

Good to see somebody who doesn't buckle under the pressure!

Good work.

Got a package, people!

Gravy!

Gravy! So can you still tap into the aquatic supply stores in the area?

Guess what?

Guys, it's a cut!

Halftime!

Has he had a history of mental illness?

Have a bad night?

Have there been ransom demands?

Having a little trouble with the lady?

HDS, sir. How are you this afternoon? Alrighty. I have a package for you.

He can keep the big TV, but he's not gonna hurt my baby, no he's not.

He found Captain Winkie!

He had these bloodshot eyes...

He kidnapped Snowflake!

He missed the final field goal in the Super Bowl that year.

He seems to have some difficulty letting go of the game.

He was murdered.

He wasn't feeling well earlier today.

He'll be fine there by himself for the next 20 minutes.

He'll be so pleased you stopped by.

He's a lawyer.

He's about to join Snowflake. I've gotta know where he is!

He's lying!

He's our pet detective.

He's very unhappy. I feel sorry for him. Bad diet, isolated environment.

Heads up!

Heads up! Good defense!

Here we go, folks. Very quiet.

Here, Snowflake.

Hey, Saint Francis, how's it going?

Hi there, fella.

Hi, Captain Stubing.

Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson.

Hold on.

Holy shitballs!

Holy testicle Tuesday!

Homicide, Ventura.

How are Gopher and Doc?

How are you gonna solve that one?

How in hell do you lose a 500 pound fish?

How is everybody feeling tonight?

Hungry, fellow?

Hut, hut!

I can keep him under control. You have to tell me who's on the Snowflake case.

I can never remember that!

I can't do that, lieutenant. I was hired to find Snowflake.

I can't wait to meet him.

I don't do humans.

I don't even wanna know why your pants are missing!

I don't have any food for you.

I don't have the power!

I don't know. I get hit in the head a lot.

I don't smoke.

I don't tell you how to do your job.

I find the ring with a missing stone, I find Snowflake.

I found a rare stone at the bottom of Snowflake's tank.

I found it in the filter, thank you.

I got a note from Roger to Einhorn...

I have a quarterback that's put his socks on backwards since high school.

I have exorcized the demons!

I have to have a dolphin to get money. Do you see a dolphin here?

I heard a scream...

I heard animals in there.

I heard he went back to his hometown in Collier County.

I heard them again this morning, scratching around.

I just love Super Bowl Sunday. Don't you, Dan?

I just wanna know how much time I have.

I know there's a lot riding on it, but it's all psychological.

I know.

I made some refreshments, Dan.

I mean it!

I mean, it's clear to me that it was a good hold. Finkle just booted it.

I must be tired.

I never bring my work home with me.

I opened the balcony door and looked out...

I said, cut!

I said, get out of the tank now!

I think I heard a toilet flush.

I think I'll kill the dolphin first. I wouldn't want you to miss that.

I think it's the pâté.

I thought I heard you call me Ace.

I thought you said Camp didn't do it.

I told you. I was in my apartment...

I understand them.

I wanna trace the sale of equipment...

I want that fish on that field Super Bowl Sunday.

I want to find that other ring.

I warned you, Ventura.

I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

I was there.

I wouldn't say that. There's plenty of evidence here to support your theory.

I'll be right back, Dan.

I'll never tell anyone, I swear.

I'll show you the dormitories, then.

I'll tell you, it's those animal rights activists!

I'll try to head them off.

I'm certain.

I'm Dan Marino, and if anyone knows the value of protection, it's me.

I'm gonna execute a buttonhook pattern, super slow mo.

I'm gonna kill that dolphin.

I'm here at the North Beach Towers condo complex in north Miami...

I'm in psychoville, and Finkle's the mayor. Where's Marino?

I'm just a big Finkle fan.

I'm looking for Ray Finkle...

I'm not even gonna talk to you. Would you please leave?

I'm on a very big case right now. Check this out.

I'm open!

I'm open! I'm open!

I'm Ray's mother...

I'm ready to go in. Just give me a chance!

I'm really going out on a limb here. His social events are strictly A list.

I'm really gonna go this time.

I'm sending them new directional coordinates.

I'm sorry again, Mr. Ace.

I'm sorry, could you speak into my good ear?

I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself.

I'm sorry, I was just going to say...

I'm sorry, ladies.

I'm sorry, Ron.

I'm sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.

I'm sorry, that's never happened to me before.

I'm sorry. I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.

I'm sorry. This is Ace V...

I'm throwing passes to a dolphin.

I've got a linebacker that hasn't washed his jockey strap in two years...

I've got a snack for you.

I've got the kidnapper trapped in the warehouse.

I've kept his room just the way he left it.

I’d like to ass you a few questions.

Idiot!

If Einhorn come down here and see me talking to you or your ass, I'm history.

If he'd held the ball laces out, like he's supposed to...

If I have to tear another black hole, I'm going to find it!

If I'm not back in five minutes...

If I'm walking funny it's because I got two dozen reporters up my ass.

If it gets cold enough.

If you do anything to embarrass me....

If you'll just sign here, here, and here...

Is he in trouble?

Is that the red or the white?

Is that the tank?

Isotoners.

It belongs to a Dolphin '84 AFC championship ring.

It came from an '84 AFC championship ring.

It could've come from...

It might not be safe at your apartment.

It sounds broken.

It was all that Dan Marine's fault. Everyone knows that.

It would've been a Super Bowl ring, but Ray missed the kick.

It's a disgusting habit.

It's a good thing I'm a master of disguise.

It's a real honor!

It's Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

It's Ace. We gotta break out of here.

It's alive!

It's alive!

It's amazing he's still alive.

It's an honor to have you here.

It's been an awfully long time.

It's gotta be a strain on this Miami team, Bob....

It's nap time!

It's not Snowflake!

It's not Snowflake!

It's not Snowflake!

Just don't let me catch you with an animal in here. That's all.

Just gotta stay positive.

Just watching the fishies.

Kickoff time.

Kill him! He held the ball, remember?

Laces out!

Laces out.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen...

Lassie must be missing.

Let's face it...

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's just see who's lying, shall we?

Let's see that...

Lieutenant, he came with Miss Robinson.

Like a glove!

Lois Einhorn?

Look at that. That's a true albino pigeon.

Look, honey...

Look, if you want tickets, you're going about it the wrong way.

Look, Melissa, l....

Looks like it's time for me to get myself a date.

Loser!

Loser!

Loser!

Lovely party.

Make any good collars lately?

Man, come on. Cafeteria, my ass! I'm cleaning in here!

Man, I'm tired of being right!

Man, you're a pain in the ass!

Marino holds.

Martha Mertz?

May I suggest you yield to the experts on this one?

May l?

Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you are more than just a pet dick.

Maybe I'll give you a call sometime.

Maybe it's in another file, in the back.

Maybe later.

Maybe somebody lost a turtle.

Maybe you should've joined the police force, become a real detective.

Melissa, it's Ace!

Most likely. I'll bet it was something nice. This is an insurance form.

Most points and distance.

Mr. Ace Ventura!

Mr. Shickadance, I told you, you're my first priority.

Mr. Ventura here to see you.

Mrs. Robinson...

My athletes have got to have their heads in the right place!

My brother...

My favorite thing.

My guess is, Finkle was snooping around. Podacter recognized him. End of story.

My little baby, come here. You missed Mommy, didn't you?

My Ray is so appreciative of his fans.

Never mind the wisecracks, Ventura.

New England clam chowder.

Nice to meet you. You came very highly recommended by Martha Mertz.

No matter how fast I ran, he just kept gaining on me and gaining on me.

No matter what's going on in my life...

No way. You shouldn't be left alone right now.

No, but I wanted to tell you, when I lost my Cuddles...

No, his ring wasn't missing a stone.

No, I have a kinship with them.

No, sir.

No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle.

No. Who are they?

Now I feel better.

Now the coin toss.

Now who is it you want us to look at?

Now will you please get out of here before I get in trouble?

Now you've pissed him off.

Now, if you'll excuse me....

Now, kiss and make up!

Now...

Obsess much?

Of course I can. Why?

Of course, there's never been a more crucial kick in a Super Bowl...

Of course! This is Super Bowl!

Officer needs backup. Suspect's name: Ace Ventura...

Oh, boy!

Oh, boy!

Oh, brother!

Oh, great!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, the bitch!

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yes, by all means.

Oh, yes. I expect him home any minute.

Okay, I'm ready again.

Okay, look.

Okay, thank you very much.

One could make quite a lucrative law practice...

One of the first lessons we learned...

One time when I was about 12, I had a dream that I was being followed by...

Only this.

Or we can try it now.

Or were they leashes?

Osadomia

Our mascot was stolen from his tank last night. Are you familiar with Snowflake?

Over here!

Pekingese, lost in Highland Park area. She was half dead when I found her.

Penalty!

People, people!

People!

People!

Perhaps some Binaca?

Permission to come aboard, sir.

Pet detection is a very involved, highly scientific process.

Pet detective!

Please!

Please!

Pleasure to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you.

Poor guy with a motive, baby.

Poor guy.

Put your guns down, or this cop gets it!

Putz!

Quick decision.

Quitter!

Ray ain't coming home.

Ray Finkle blew a 26 yard field goal!

Ray Finkle's house.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Receipts? What about receipts?

Replacement kicker having a great year.

Ring? What ring?

Roger Podacter didn't commit suicide.

Roger Podacter went out after work, had a few drinks, then came home.

Roger Podacter, meet Ace Ventura.

Roger, I've been waiting all day. I got to get a shot of his new trick!

Roger, let me ask you one question.

Ronald Camp? The billionaire?

Rover, sit! Hut, hut!

Search called off for missing hiker.

Secrecy was essential. We couldn't risk any interference.

Security's tight Super Bowl week.

See, the engine's running but there's nobody behind the wheel.

Send some men over to the Hallandale yacht basin.

She didn't mean anything by that.

She expects him home any minute.

She said she heard a scream. Right?

She's not joking!

She's not Lois Einhorn! She's Ray Finkle! She's a man!

Shit, Roger! You've been in this business a long time.

Shoot him!

Shut the hell up, you stupid mutt!

Simple.

Smooshy, isn't it?

Snowflake is not available right now.

Snowflake, here you go. Come on.

Snowflake!

So far, nothing, nathin', nada. All right?

So how does Roger Podacter fit in?

So I take care of the hands that take care of me...

So nice to meet you.

So what are you up to?

So where is Finkle now?

So you found a pebble in Snowflake's tank. I'll call CNN.

So...

So...

So....

Soccer style kicker. Graduated from Collier High, 1976.

Something ain't stirring the Kool Aid, man.

Son of a bitch!

Sorry. Psycho woman keeps us out of prison.

Spare me the routine. I know you're working the Snowflake case.

Stetson University honors graduate, 1980. Holds two NCAA records.

Stop it!

Stuff probably looks better on the way out.

Super Bowl time.

Super, thanks for asking. I hope you're having a lovely day.

Sure, it's over there.

Sure.

Sure.

Take care, now. Bye bye, then.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Thank you, Miss Jacques Cousteau.

Thank you, Mr. Ventura.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thanks, Martha, but we better leave this to professionals.

Thanks, Martha.

That bony little bitch...

That fish lives better than they do.

That is the face of the enemy.

That kind of surgery can be done over the weekend.

That stone could've come from anywhere.

That sub genius gave them the land the stadium's built on.

That was a close one!

That was Finkle. The Dolphins lost by one point.

That was pretty impressive, what you did at the apartment.

That.

That's a lot of equipment for a civilian.

That's a lovely dog.

That's a very entertaining story...

That's fine. I can finish the rest.

That's it!

That's it.

That's none of your damn business. Stay out of my personal affairs.

That's Ray Finkle, the kicker. Don't you know who he is?

That's what turns me on about you.

The 1984 Dolphin AFC championship ring.

The boy is a fan of our son.

The date started good, Chuck, but before we got to the party, she tensed up.

The Dolphins lose!

The Dolphins lose! The Dolphins lose the Super Bowl!

The game is on as scheduled.

The kick heard round the world.

The kick!

The kick...

The killer saw the size of the bug's dick and became insanely jealous.

The laces were in!

The place was empty, except for the dog.

The police are checking into the animal rights groups. Have they called back?

The police came today.

The quarterback sneak.

The schedule says...

The scream she heard came from inside...

The time when it'd hurt them most:

Then I'd lose 30 pounds perking his wife!

There is just one more thing, lieutenant.

There is some damage to my car, and I had to fill it with premium.

There you go.

There's gotta be receipts.

There's no communication with the kidnappers.

There's the snap.

They aren't gonna let us look around.

They were in!

They're little footballs.

They're wonderful, aren't they?

This house is clear.

This is a new trick he was going to do for the halftime show.

This is double paned, soundproof glass. There is no way...

This is my Graceland, sir.

This is not the time, Ace.

This is one of our therapy rooms.

This is police business. We'll let you know if the coroner finds a tick.

This was taken earlier in the year. Ray Finkle wasn't added till mid season.

This whole thing is connected, somehow.

This woman is Roger Podacter's neighbor.

Thought I left?

Three times?

Tire tracks, an escape route. A guard didn't see anything.

Tom Ace.

Tonight I saw the same stone in Camp's ring.

Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss a coffee!

Too many men on the field.

Unconscious. Exactly as I planned.

Unfortunately...

Ventura!

Very, very well, thank you.

Waiting for the perfect time to get back at them.

Wanna hear something spooky?

Wanna take a look inside? Come on!

Want me to read you your rights?

Want to know why I do this?

Want to know why I do this?

We checked out the taxidermists and we already checked on van rentals.

We got a few cases from my new dealer in Paris.

We got him from Miami. He's a rare bottle nosed dolphin.

We ran a check with local animal rights groups.

We'll do some preliminary evaluations...

We'll find the porpoise.

We're going downtown.

We're just a little busy now...

We're talking paranoid, delusional psychosis. I saw the guy's room.

We've traveled back in time to save an ancient species from annihilation.

Well, actually, he was quite good.

Well, I have kissed a man.

Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois.

Well, I'm sure he's fine.

Well, l....

Well, why don't you cry about it, saddlebags?

Well?

What a hit!

What a sports nut, huh?

What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

What are you thinking?

What are you trying to do?

What do you feed your dog?

What do you know about Ray Finkle?

What do you know?

What do you suggest?

What do you want?

What happened? What's going on?

What is it?

What the hell are they doing?

What the hell does Lois Einhorn have to do with Ray Finkle?

What the hell is he doing here?

What the...?

What would you know about pressure?

What, is he sick?

What?

What?

What? Like this?

What're you doing out here? Get back to work!

What're you doing?

What's all this pet food for?

What's he doing?

What's the point, Ventura?

When I find Snowflake...

When I get out of that bathroom, you'd better be gone!

When Ray gets back and starts kicking again...

When we find Marino...

Where are you going?

Where is he now?

Where the hell's the smelt?

Where's Snowflake?

White?

Who are you?

Who let Dr. Doolittle in?

Who the hell is that?

Who the hell is that?

Who, Tom?

Who's he?

Why don't you have a seat? I'll get right to the point.

Why don't you learn how to drive, pal?

Why don't you throw yourself out?

Why isn't he in this picture?

Why weren't we told about the kidnapping?

Why?

Why? So you can beat him?

Will the Super Bowl be postponed?

Will you keep him occupied while I work my magic, please?

Would a real woman have to wear one of these?

Would a real woman...

Would you like a cookie, son?

Would you like for me to take your pants off instead?

Would you like some cookies? I just baked them.

Would you like some refreshments, Dan?

Yeah? And you're ugly.

Yeah? Blow me!

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, Satan?

Yes, they certainly are.

Yes, you did. Did Daddy hurt you? I won't let him. No, I won't.

You better be sure...

You can't express anger.

You could've cost me my job!

You don't have to tell me.

You don't understand...

You ever heard of a former Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle?

You have any more gum?

You just don't do anything for me.

You just have yourself a good day. Take care now. Bye bye.

You know how superstitious these players are.

You like her, huh?

You like that?

You like that?

You look wonderful.

You okay?

You okay?

You owe me rent.

You really love animals.

You see those blips? That's a Norwegian whaling fleet.

You should've done it earlier.

You smell terrific!

You take breaks too long. You smoke...

You think the article you found was something?

You wouldn't read that Finkle was committed to a mental hospital...

You're a weird guy, Ace. A weird guy.

You're just mad because your stupid pebble theory didn't work out.

You're unbelievable!

You've been a wonderful audience. Be sure to tip your waitress.

You've done some fine detective work...

Your attention to detail.

Your brother won't be the first football pro we've treated.

Your gun is digging into my hip.

Your gun is digging into my hip.

Your number still 911?

Yummy!

Yummy!

351!

351!

...clean the cafeteria. I know what I'm doing.

Cops drain it? Yes, this morning.

Crybaby! Jock!

Do you mind if I pet him? I don't give a rat's ass.

He's who you want! Kill him! Kill him!

Is that right? Yes, we're very sensitive...

Losers! Losers! Let's go, Ace.

Losers. Get him out of here!

Melissa, it's Ace! Where are you?

Shoot him! Hold your fire!

That's it? I swear.

That's true. You're sure you had to open this door?

Wimp. Musclehead.

Would you give me a break? I can't hold him much longer!

... would like to offer a special thank you to the man who rescued Dan Marino...

...a big dog with rabies.

...across the hall.

...and a clean pair of shorts.

...and be totally at peace.

...and crushed.

...and foam came out of his mouth.

...and it's high. No, it's...

...and our beloved Snowflake.

...and this is Ray's father.

...animals can sense evil.

...as she claims to be...

...at the Palmdale basin.

...back at...

...because he thinks flies are lucky.

...before he was thrown off the balcony. The murderer closed the door upon going.

...before they find any whales.

...big old...

...but I think he'll fit in nicely here.

...but real detectives have to worry about that little thing called...

...by one. This will win the game for Miami.

...criminal investigator can be wrong.

...Dan Marino!

...for transporting or housing a dolphin recently.

...has an elongated beak, cone shaped teeth and a serrated dorsal appendage.

...he jumped and sank his teeth in.

...he'll never even know he was gone.

...history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive...

...how would you like me to make your life a living hell?