Almost Famous (2000) Edit

A bass?

A donkey dick is funny everywhere.

A mojo?

A mojo. It's a modern machine that transmits pages over the telephone.

Act One, in which she pretends she doesn't care...

Act Three, in which it all plays out the way she planned it.

Act Two, in which he pretends he doesn't care about her...

Actually, I'm 16.

Actually, that you can print!

All right, a grand.

All right, bags in five!

All right, let's go.

All right, listen. We're gonna try and land in Tupelo.

All right, okay, enough! Break it up.

All right, so I didn't like you much.

All right, you'll have to swallow this tube.

All right? Open, open, open.

All right.

All right.

All right. Dickey and Gregg send you their love.

All right. It's been nice to meet you.

All she left was her Quaaludes.

Although it would be cool to be on the cover.

Am I clear?

Amateurs! You don't know who you're dealing with!

Amen! Put this on. This isn't on your playlist.

And 99% of what passes for rock these days...

And do make note of the emergency exits.

And he said it was going to mean something. And I'm in love with Jeff!

And I could be very dangerous to all of you.

And I do think you owe him an apology.

And I love her! I love her!

And I never went home.

And I'm about to boldly go where...

And I'm sorry. If we could just get together and talk...

And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem.

And it's not about money and popularity.

And no drugs.

And not much else.

And older.

And one of these people is gonna save the world.

And our pending graduate...

And remember this, 20 years from now...

And Russell Hammond answered.

And she wanted us to be together.

And some of the people that you meet on the road...

And that's why she named me Lady.

And the chicks are great. But what it all comes down to is that thing.

And then, I'll learn to play the violin.

And they don't just put somebody...

And to the class of 1973...

And we made it together.

And when you take that away...

And yet, why do I always end up feeling like I'm a joke to you?

And you all used her.

And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine...

And you guys producing it instead of Glyn Johns...

And you know what? They'll tape your record from a friend.

And you should know that about me. I am the Enemy!

And, here's that money I owe you.

Any extra plates?

Anywhere you want to go. Anywhere in the world.

Are you really in our grade?

Are you serious?

As Black Sabbath's special guests

As soon as people leave, I'll fit you in.

At this time, please extinguish all smoking materials...

Bacon, eggs, bologna, rock'n'roll, motorcycles.

Bags of kindness.

Bags of love.

Bands should hold on to their roots.

Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.

Because I know men, and I'll bet you do too.

Because they make you feel cool.

Because we are uncool.

Before I go, let me give you a lesson in mystique.

Ben, you told me to send what I had!

Ben! Wait!

Besides that, what would be wrong with it?

Bless me, Father, for I may sin tonight.

Bob Dylan at our fucking table. I was looking for you to introduce you.

Boo's the most interesting character in To Kill a Mockingbird.

Boy, if this was the real world...

Bring the lights down.

But I can't, except on stage.

But I need to see you face to face...

But it's great.

But it's Rolling Stone.

But long ago she threw it in gear

But somehow it's all turning around.

But that's between us. Because I am a professional.

But they'll be fake friends. They'll try to corrupt you.

But when we're both instinct...

But you cannot make friends with the rock stars.

But you left, negating the contract, forfeiting the deposit.

But you listen.

By all rules, don't I get you for another three years?

Bye, Opie.

Bye.

Call Alice, under the name Bob Hope.

Call me if you need a rescue. We live in the same city.

Call me twice a day, and do not miss more than one test!

Calls her a hundred, okay...

Can I have that bitchin' belt?

Can we help it if we like having you around?

Can we just skip the vibe and go straight to us laughing about this?

Can you believe that?

Can you believe these girls?

Can you believe these girls?

Clearly, Darryl doesn't hear no much.

Clearly. Respectfully.

Cleveland, Ohio? Oh, no, no, no.

Come here, man. I wanna tell you something.

Come in.

Come on, Doris, you darling bus. You can make it.

Come on, let's get on the bus.

Come on, man, we'll have more time there.

Come on, man. Come on.

Come on, Penny, join us.

Come on, you guys. It's no big deal.

Come on!

Come on! Let's get on the bus! Let's go!

Come on.

Come on.

Come to Arizona?

Come to Cleveland.

Come to Cleveland.

Come up to L.A., we'll talk some more.

Congratulations, it's a cover.

Could you give William a message, please?

Crazy.

Crazy.

Damn.

Darryl says you use knowledge to keep me down.

Deal with it.

Deny it to the fact checker. One call. Then they can't print it.

Dick? Dick, I got him.

Did anything happen? After $600 in room service bills?

Did you know The Letter by The Box Tops...

Did you miss a test or something?

Did you talk to Russell Hammond?

Did you tape Hammond?

Did you, man? You hurt the flower? That's nice. Come on, on the bus.

Didn't we all get into this to avoid responsibility?

Do we have to like each other?

Do you give a shit about a T shirt?

Do you have to be sad to write a sad song...

Do you know Claire Rothman in L.A? Know Bobby Cowan, Danny Marcus...

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Do you want to come?

Do you want to come?

Does anybody remember laughter?

Don't be Cleopatra. We have to be Mom and Dad.

Don't be tense.

Don't forget the rules. He is the Enemy. He writes what he sees.

Don't go to New York.

Don't jump.

Don't let the band pay for anything.

Don't let those swill merchants rewrite you.

Don't put that in Rolling Stone. In our bios, we all graduated.

Don't take drugs!

Don't take drugs!

Don't tell me this stuff. I want to like him.

Don't worry, he's still a virgin, and we're all looking out for him.

Don't worry. He only means half of what he says.

Don't you have any regular friends?

Don't you see, man? The T shirt is everything.

Donkey dick, man!

Doris is the soul of this band.

Dude, please don't smear it.

Early stuff. Lately, he's trying to be Bowie.

Eleven?

Emily, we have to pump your stomach, okay?

Enjoy it while you can.

Especially since Marna left me.

Estrella says hi.

Even Penny Lane.

Even Sapphire went someplace else.

Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.

Every minute a baby is born somewhere.

Every song. Especially the bad ones.

Everybody pays you compliments.

Everybody's boogying, getting off. It's like family.

Everyone has hair. What's wrong?

Everyone out of the room for five minutes.

Everyone says it's so glamorous out here.

Example: If you hadn't run out in Phoenix...

Excuse me, kids.

Excuse me, sir, will you sign for this?

Excuse me.

Feces.

Fellas.

Fire away. I'm ready.

First, it was butter. Then sugar and white flour.

Follow your dream.

Forever! Forever!

Forget it, I'll fly myself. I have lots of partial tickets.

Forget what it's like to be a fan.

Four of them, four of us.

Freddy! Open up! It's Stillwater! We're on the show!

From here on out, I'm only interested in what is real.

From the very beginning, we said I'm the front man...

From Troy, Michigan...

Front desk? Could you please send a doctor?

Fuck it!

Funny. If you were only taller and English and rich and a guitar player.

Gentlemen, your first T shirts have arrived.

Get to know each other a little bit better, and then I'd see you pee.

Girls, I need five minutes with the band alone.

Give me a light. I want fire.

Give me some White LightlWhite Heat.

Give me that.

Give me your address.

Give them a break. There are problems in the band.

Go ahead and do whatever you were doing.

Go away!

Go away!

Go right on in.

Go through the fucking gate.

Go to Europe. Take a look around.

Go to the top of the ramp with the girls.

God, if there was more of you in him.

God, it'll get ugly. They'll buy you drinks.

Goddamn!

Goethe said that.

Good evening!

Good looking people, they got no spine.

Good morning.

Good to see you.

Good, man.

Good. It'll take me three days to do this.

Goodbye.

Great! I've got some...

Greenville is so boring.

Greenville.

Guys, come on. I have to write.

Guys!

Guys.

Happy birthday.

Hardworking band makes good. New album out, their third.

Harsh face.

Have fun at the dance. I'm glad you're making friends.

He has all the big bands, and he wants five minutes with you.

He has you on acid, screaming, I'm a golden god.

He is on acid, though.

He is the king of kings.

He just said we're gonna die.

He knew you were a predominately accelerated child.

He knows how old he is.

He looks harmless, but he represents the magazine that trashed Layla...

He respects women, and he likes women.

He should just be himself.

He touched this pen.

He tours with them, but not with them.

He was at our table for an hour or so, right?

He was never a person. He was a journalist!

He worships you people. That's fine as long as he helps make you rich.

He'll ask you how the story's going, and this is what you do.

He'll live. Let's identify the goals here:

He's a funny guy.

He's a very good friend of Lester Bangs.

He's at the Riot House and said for you to call.

He's having a great time. He's doing a good job.

He's just some fan. What do you expect?

He's my last project.

He's not ready for your world of compromise and diminished brain cells.

He's okay.

He's the one who denied it.

He's with us.

He's your guardian angel.

Hello, Ben.

Hello, hello.

Hello, Penny?

Hello, Penny.

Hello, Penny.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Here.

Here's a theory for you to disregard...

Hermetically sealed bags of human emotion.

Hey, boy.

Hey, get the Enemy in here.

Hey, I'll take off work.

Hey, let's face it, you got a big head start.

Hey, man, he's cool.

Hey, man! Don't stop there.

Hey, Mom, it's Russell Hammond. I play guitar in Stillwater.

Hey, Red Dog. I'll see you later, man.

Hey, Sapphire.

Hey, the Enemy! Come on in, son.

Hey, the Enemy.

Hey, when we go to Morocco...

Hey, William.

Hey, you're that comedian.

Hey. Give that to me, William.

Hi, Ben Fong Torres from Rolling Stone.

Hi, I'm William Miller.

Hi, Mom. I'm gonna fly back Monday morning.

Hi, this is Craig, your pilot.

Hi.

Hi.

Honest.

Honey, I know you were expecting puberty...

Honey, they're on pot.

Housekeeping.

How can you tell? I'm just one of the out of focus guys.

How do we know you're not a cop? Huh?

How does it end?

How old are we really?

How old are you?

How'd y'all get together?

I also slept with Leslie, when you were fighting.

I always told her not to let too many guys fall in love with her.

I am a golden god!

I am no good at goodbyes.

I am not sweet.

I am thinking about going to Morocco.

I brought a plane. More shows to make up the difference.

I came here to decide if I want to represent you.

I can give you $35.

I can read you. I know what you're thinking.

I can see you want to get into it.

I can tell from your face that you won't.

I can't live here! I hate you!

I can't really talk now. I'm in a roomful of people.

I can't really tell. How do you know when it's kicked in?

I can't say any more with the writer here.

I can't spend all day talking to my many fans.

I certainly know how my lady gets when you don't snap to it.

I could work on it, though.

I didn't apologize.

I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella.

I dig music.

I don't even know your real name.

I don't have my key interview.

I don't know what they'll do, but I said every word you wrote was true.

I don't want to go to Cleveland, okay?

I forgive you.

I forgot to tell you. Your mom called.

I get it.

I get people off!

I got it, man, I got it.

I got it. I got it. This is better.

I grew up with that lampshade.

I grew up with these guys, but I can't play all that I can play.

I had them.

I had to live with you...

I have to get my interview with Russell before Greenville.

I have to go home.

I hit him and just kept on going. I don't know if he's alive or dead...

I hope you got a lawyer.

I just can't picture you with Leslie.

I just have to listen.

I kept thinking I was gonna go home the next day.

I know about your decadence. I shouldn't have let him go.

I know his ex wife current girlfriend thing will be...

I know you're a big rock star and all...

I know yours is too.

I know. I know.

I like him.

I like it when you yell.

I like what we're saying. Let me try and get you 1000 more words.

I liked him as a person.

I look for the one guy who isn't getting off...

I look so much younger than everyone.

I lost my head!

I love Annie's stuff. She does great stuff.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I mean, everybody knows.

I mean, I am really confused here. All these rules...

I mean, I pick up things here and there.

I mean, like 25 pages of dribble.

I mean, the war is over. They won.

I mean, they don't even know what it is to be a fan.

I miss him already.

I miss you and I don't understand why I've driven my kids so far away.

I miss you and I love you!

I missed the last thing you said.

I need everyone's attention, please.

I need ice.

I need to stay in your room. Russell's in a bad mood.

I never graduated. Look what happened.

I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit and run.

I put you in first grade when you were 5 and didn't tell you.

I saw them on the 7th floor.

I shaved them off.

I sort of thought so.

I think I live in a different world.

I think I saw Sapphire.

I think I'm needed.

I think it would've worked against us, I really do.

I think things are going backwards for me.

I thought maybe we could hang out. You know, do some stuff back home...

I used to do speed.

I waited until you broke up with her, but me too.

I want Annie Leibovitz.

I want to go home.

I want to interview everybody and want to start with...

I want you to know, if I took an extra dollar here and there...

I was there!

I was there.

I was wondering if we could talk when we get to Phoenix.

I will call you if anyone, anywhere, gets drunk.

I will quote you warmly and accurately.

I won't call again, I promise.

I won't go with another band.

I work as hard, or harder, than anybody on that stage.

I worry about drunk drivers.

I'd like to interview you or your band.

I'd say not speaking, but I don't know that they ever did.

I'd stay up all night, writing and writing.

I'd travel on a pogo stick to make more money.

I'd... I'd be somebody else.

I'll deal with it. Get on the bus!

I'll introduce you to him, and his security guard, Dennis.

I'll never tell.

I'll pick you up right here at 11:00 sharp.

I'll save you, Russell!

I'll take a piece.

I'll tell you the truth. I may enrage some...

I'm 12. She skipped me a grade.

I'm 15.

I'm a college professor. Why can't I teach my own kids? Use me.

I'm a teacher. Xmas isn't in the English language.

I'm always around if you wanna talk more.

I'm always home. I'm uncool.

I'm coming to you...

I'm coming, I'm coming.

I'm from Creem magazine to interview Black Sabbath.

I'm from the Church of Lenny. We bow to his will.

I'm glad you were home.

I'm going to L.A. Call if you need me.

I'm gonna kick your ass.

I'm gonna live in Morocco for one year.

I'm gonna report you to every promoter in this country!

I'm here to interview Black Sabbath. I'm a journalist.

I'm just hungry. Let's just go find some barbecue or something.

I'm just showing my very dear friend William Miller around.

I'm just talking about bringing it back here.

I'm making a wish.

I'm not a messenger, I'm one of your writers...

I'm not a...

I'm not famous. But...

I'm not gonna let you miss out on the rock mecca of the Midwest.

I'm not... Not a... You know.

I'm on drugs!

I'm on drugs.

I'm past them, as musicians, but...

I'm retired now. Visiting friends.

I'm retired.

I'm retired. And don't argue with me!

I'm Russell Hammond.

I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday.

I'm sorry, I can't concentrate.

I'm sorry.

I'm still in love with you, Leslie.

I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to.

I'm the bass player.

I'm the you they get, when they can't get you.

I'm up.

I've always been. I'm retired, and I'm tired.

I've done stuff for a local underground paper.

I've done twice the things I said I did.

I've got a thing in a couple days.

I've never written anything more than a few pages in my whole life.

I've seen the future, and this all works out reasonably well.

If I don't get into a room and take a Valium...

If I met a man in the real world who looked at me the way you...

If something should happen... Maybe I never said this enough.

If you come to Cleveland...

If you get into a jam, you can call me. I stay up late.

If you get lost, use the family whistle.

If you get lost, use the family whistle.

If you never get hurt, you always have fun.

If you think Mick Jagger'll still be there...

If you'd met me earlier, he'd have never been here.

In 11 years, it's gonna be 1984, man. Think about that.

In Carl Jung's opinion...

In preparation for our departure today...

Incendiary.

Is a song better if it really happened to you?

Is it my turn now? I think we should, for once, say what we really mean.

Is it that hard to make us look cool?

Is Penny okay?

Is Russell here?

Is this Mr. Miller?

Isn't it funny? The truth just sounds different.

It ain't California without her. We want her around, like last summer.

It kills me. Do you have any pot?

It lets you say everything you want.

It lives in your car, or alone, on your headphones...

It sounds great, but they aren't friends.

It sounds like...

It was a gift from God. Nobody plays like Russell.

It was a good show.

It was in the middle of Midnight Rambler.

It was the summer we were free of all rules.

It's a deal.

It's a long story.

It's a long story.

It's a place apart...

It's a think piece about a mid level band...

It's a voice that says, Here I am...

It's all handwritten...

It's all happening. I'm about to use you as protection.

It's all happening. It's all happening.

It's all happening. They're here.

It's an honour to have the great rock critic and editor of Creem...

It's Bowie!

It's Dennis Hope. You've all heard of him.

It's either Merry Christmas...

It's good to talk about.

It's just obvious who's who and we're fucked!

It's my fucking job. I think you're all geniuses.

It's not about money. It's about the music and turning people on.

It's not California without you. We want you around like last summer.

It's not finished. Give me tonight to work on it.

It's not my fucking job to kiss your fucking ass.

It's not too late for you to become a person of substance.

It's not what you put into it. It's what you leave out.

It's on Sunset Strip.

It's phenomenal, to be honest with you.

It's Russell. Don't hang up.

It's the circus. Everyone's trying not to go home.

It's the record company's mistake, and they will pay.

It's unspecific who says what.

It's what you leave out. That's rock'n'roll, what you leave out.

Jealous and fighting and breaking up.

Jeff Bebe's mom sent over a shoebox full of childhood photos.

Jeff Bebe's mom sent over a shoebox full of childhood photos.

Journalist friend, meet Polexia Aphrodisia...

Just come on down...

Just hang in there, and we'll get you out of this.

Just leave me behind!

Just make us look cool.

Just to fucking write.

Keep sending me your stuff.

Keith Richards saw me...

Kids make fun of him because he looks young.

Know Frank Barcelona?

Ladies and gentlemen, the evening is over!

Ladies and gentlemen!

Larry Fellows...

Last words:

Leave your package on the desk.

Leibovitz will shoot them in L.A...

Leslie!

Lester, Rolling Stone is calling me.

Let it go, fellas. Let it go, buddy.

Let's deflower the kid.

Let's do 3000 words. We'll join the band on the road.

Let's go find something real.

Let's go find something real.

Let's have an adventure together. You and me, finally.

Let's put all of it in the pot. It all depends on mystique.

Let's say all the things we never said.

Let's take a good look at it, all right?

Lifestyle maintenance. That's...

Like Love Thing. Where did you write that? Who is it about?

Like we're lucky to be with you. And we had to live with it, man.

Like you saying you liked Fever Dog. That is the fucking buzz!

Like you.

Listen to Marvin Gaye, a song like What's Happening Brother?

Listen, my advice to you...

Live, American Woman?

Lock the gates on these fuckheads!

Lock the gates!

Look at all the tasty looking high school girls.

Look at him. He's taking notes with his eyes.

Look at the dogs wearing the funny hats juggling just for you...

Look under your bed. It'll set you free.

Look, a generation of Cinderellas, and there's no slipper coming.

Look, I love you all too. You're like family to me!

Look, nobody's feelings are getting hurt here.

Look. Fuck, I trust you, so I'm just gonna lay this right on you.

Look. I'm sorry, but could you please fuck off?!

Man, I never even knew her real name.

Marc Bolan broke her heart, man. It's famous.

Marry someone grand.

Martin Bell's a fucking asshole. And I'm in love with Jeff.

Maybe it is love, as much as it can be for somebody...

Maybe not soon.

Maybe Pete Townshend, but that's okay.

Maybe we don't see ourselves the way we really are.

Me too.

Me?

Miss Judy Stanton.

Miss Penny Lane, let me tell you what rock'n'roll will miss.

Mom, it's time.

Most of the fuckups in the world...

Most of the time, the best stuff is the popular stuff.

Mostly the bad ones.

Mr. Jimmy Page, Mr. John Paul Jones, Mr. Robert Plant.

Mr. Robert Plant signed...

Much more so than us

Music, you know, true music not just rock'n'roll, chooses you.

My dad died of a heart attack.

My sister believes that my mom is so intense...

My thing is to make my brain go away.

My whole thing is to try and...

My wife's had an accident with some Quaaludes.

Never take it seriously, you never get hurt.

Nice.

No more than four days and I want a phone number where you are.

No names are noted in the embarrassing sequences.

No, I can't go to Cleveland.

No, I thought that was pretty good.

No, I'll only miss one test. I'll make graduation.

No, man, I took the bus.

No, maybe not.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

No! He said, Tell her it ain't California without...

No.

No. Not on me.

No. This is not Maryann with the pot.

No. Yeah?

Nobody includes him. They call him The Narc.

Nobody who didn't legally have to say it back to me.

Nobody's saying goodbye.

None of them use birth control, and they eat all the steak.

None of us love you.

Not a day goes by I don't see his face.

Not giving too much away.

Not now, man.

Not on the list.

Not only can I tell, I know who it is. It's Darryl.

Not that anybody's using you!

Not to get into a me thing, but I did start the band...

Now go do your best.

Now we're talking, right?

Now you know all my secrets.

Now you're mysterious.

Now, it's in consideration for the cover...

Now, listen. Get it together, man.

Now, this isn't Creem. This is Rolling Stone.

Oh, God, why am I so nervous?

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, I called your magazine...

Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it.

Oh, man.

Oh, man...

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Holy shit. Fuck!

Oh, of course you like him.

Oh, Stillwater.

Oh, the Enemy. A rock writer.

Oh, this is a big mistake.

Oh, wonderful.

Oh, yeah, all the time.

Oh, yeah, right. Sunset Strip.

Okay, everybody be cool!

Okay, okay.

Okay, sweetheart, sit up, sit up, sit up.

Okay, time to put on the lampshade.

Okay.

Okay. But I'm just gonna say this, and I'm gonna stand by it:

Once you go to L.A., you'll have friends like crazy.

Opie must die.

Opie.

Or did I?

Or it could just be hormones.

Page, Plant. Mick, Keith.

Passes, girls! Come and get them!

Peaches.

Penny Lane, Russell Hammond.

Penny, come to Portland with us.

Penny, get up!

Penny, get up. Get up.

Penny, no! Wake up!

Penny, our friend Has gained another year

Penny, you just missed Russell.

People have a hard time explaining rock, really explain rock'n'roll.

Please get my son home safely.

Please go the fuck away!

Please, don't give him any more acid. Thank you.

Please, enough!

Please, please, please.

Pleasure.

Plus, she gave me all her albums, and now she's a stewardess.

Polexia went to England with Deep Purple.

Polexia...

Pronto.

Put on your seat belt.

Quince?

Quit looking at me like that.

Raymond's with the Eagles. Reg is with Humble Pie.

Real people, real feelings.

Real, man, real. You know? Real.

Real, you know?

Reasonably?

Respectfully. We all have our roots.

Right now, Topeka, then Greenville, then home.

Right?

Right?

Right.

Right. Well, it seems the rumours are true.

Rock stars have kidnapped my son.

Rock'n'roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking...

Room 537.

Room's fully stocked. Air conditioning's on.

Russell has a girlfriend, and I can't even say her name.

Russell, Jeff...

Russell! Hey.

Sapphire and Miss Penny Lane are there too.

Say it just like that.

Scully, Ed. See you, Mick, Gregg. Later, guys.

Seats and tray tables.

See what you like.

See you back in the real world.

See you, pubes.

See you.

See, you love this T shirt.

See? Sense of humour.

She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan.

She always said, Marry up.

She and Mom are still...

She brings out the good in everybody else, but what do they do for her?

She changed everything.

She chose us In Penny Lane we trust

She could've died.

She is a fan of this band

She killed everyone so her son could be king. Like Nixon.

She means well.

She rocked the south The east, the west

She says she's retired But we've heard that before

She says you gotta call home immediately.

She was a Band Aid. All she did was love your band.

She was your biggest fan, and you threw her away!

She's a handful.

She's creeping me out.

She's not with any of you, is she?

She's one of the legendary original Band Aids.

Shit, man. Thank you.

Should I come by later?

Show me any guy who said he didn't want popularity...

Show them.

Shut that thing off and I'll tell you the truth, all right?

Silly machinery. And you know it!

Simon and Garfunkel is poetry.

Simon Kirke from Bad Company is by the pool.

Sir, you have an urgent call.

Smart kid.