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Home > Keanu (2016)
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Keanu (2016)

Keanu (2016)

Keanu is a hilarious action comedy film released in 2016. Starring Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele, it follows the story of two friends who go undercover as gangsters to retrieve a stolen cat named Keanu. As they immerse themselves in the criminal underworld, their journey takes unexpected turns filled with laughter, danger, and of course, plenty of adorable cat moments. Directed by Peter Atencio, this movie showcases Key and Peele's remarkable comedic chemistry. If you're looking for a fun-filled adventure, you can play and download the sounds from Keanu here.

A damn ass street fight.
A friend of mine went to grade school with the speechwriter
A kid stabbed me 'cause I stole his Ring Pop.
A ****a make a goddamn deal.
About no exchange tomorrow.
About this job that I did in Paris for a couple of months,
About time you passed that shit, eh?
About what exactly went down at the Diaz church massacre.
Absolutely wrong. 100% wrong.
After that,
Again.
Agree to disagree with that one.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah! Yay! You guys are here!
Ah...
Aight, man.
Aight, Papi.
Aight.
Ain't no thang.
All right, dawg!
All right, go, go, go. Just walk.
All right, in or out.
All right, just stay there.
All right, let me explain somethin' to y'all real quick.
All right, listen.
All right, sweetheart.
All right? This one of the greatest recording artists of all time, man.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. Hey. I'll be right back, pimpin'.
All right. Okay.
All right. We're good. We're gonna go.
All right. You doin' all right, right?
All this Bliptown family shit?
Allentown or not, y'all gonna be my Allentown ****as today.
Allentown!
Am I in Heaven?
Am I right, Tech?
And at the same time, Cheddar,
And at the same time, I need you to clean up
And be a stunt man in my spare time, yo!
And came down and was still shooting ****as.
And diarrhea is what I'm talking about.
And didn't nobody say nothing
And drain ours.
And everyone gonna say their name
And he probably had a fuckin' father figure
And I failed.
And I got into gang bangin' after I got stabbed by my moms.
And I just want you to be Clarence.
And I ran hurdles in high school.
And I swear to God, this drug is insane.
And I went to a exclusive,
And I'm coming home tomorrow morning instead of tomorrow night.
And I'm just having some really rugged fun, you know?
And I've never done that,
And it's just team building. This is what you do.
And it's time to turn down, man!
And just remember, Rell.
And now I see that you are, in fact,
And now tomorrow, I can mow the lawn,
And Officer Dunn.
And put him in our trunk.
And put him in our trunk.
And so, yeah. I mean, the 17th Street Blips,
And swam.
And that you can't just say it
And the beauty is,
And the only real question is,
And then he shot you, man. That's crazy.
And then two things about yourself.
And then we'll just go see where Cheddar's at, right?
And then, George Michael was trying to do that solo thing, right?
And then, he used to roll with this ****a, Ridgeley.
And then, wham!
And they're gonna take care of it. Right.
And this guy, he let me smoke some of 'this stuff.
And we gonna be on our goddamn way, Spencer!
And we just get Keanu.
And we the only ones that got it in LA.
And what are you gonna do to me?
And what's crack a lacking, beautiful people?
And when I don't stand up for myself,
And when I got back to my grandmamma house, she shot me.
And when them Allentown ****as get tired,
And when you're selling the heavier shit,
And women like bad boys.
And y'all fuckin' ruined it. Y'all fucked everything up.
And you don't meet Cheddar until you meet me.
And you ran up the wall and did a back flip,
And you take it as gospel, you understand?
And... No, that didn't sound right.
And'?
Anything? Beer, wine, liquor, girls'?
Appendix.
Are you okay?
Are you...
As recently, our docket is full, ****a
At a pet store.
Awesome!
Back up!
Be specific!
Because a woman can do anything a man can do, but...
Because I accidentally locked my car keys in my trunk once.
Because Iglesias belongs to my family.
Because it's, like, my favorite cartoon.
Because that would require a driver's license,
Because that's how real people talk, Clarence.
Because that's how we roll, motherfucker.
Because there's a bunch of dead people out here, that's why.
Because when I stand up for myself,
Because you being crazy disrespectful right now.
Because you gonna be in trouble in a second.
Because, my man right here,
Before we get on this job, it's time for us to all
Before y'all go run off and do your little tinkle
Bitch, shut the fuck up!
Bitch, you ain't no fuckin' cop.
Blips was supposed to run this game, man.
Blood bath. Hundred executions.
Blood Grips, Blips.
Bottom line is...
Bring it in right here, homie.
Bring your ass here, little Wendy!
Broke a lot of laws, probably.
Buckshot.
But everything happens for a reason.
But first let me introduce you to Officer Galloway
But I am married.
But I don't have a driver's license 'cause I'm from New York City.
But I'm here now.
But it's all good. It's nothing bad.
But okay.
But right quick, though, rig ht quick, though,
But this ain't no motherfucking pet store, ****a.
But this is practically Neverland fuckin' Ranch out here.
But we can't do that, and I'll tell you why.
But we need to talk about your behavior.
But what happened was I was trying to get my cat.
But why you drive this weak ass van?
But y'all some dumb fucks if you think I'm gonna be a rat.
But you wanna never get pulled over again,
But, baby...
But, you know, the thing about me and Techtonic,
But... l mean, that's not, like, concrete proof.
By Allentown standards,
Call Rell.
Can I help you?
Can you just explain to me what's going on right now?
Can't do it!
Can't leave the door open, you know what I'm sayin'?
Check it. We're going to approach the bar.
Cheddar already told y'all, we ain't here...
Cheddar is a psychopath name.
Cheddar said you was gonna show me how to do this.
Cheddar, seriously, man.
Cheddar, you're under arrest.
Cheddar!
Cheddar. Look,
Chill. Hey, yo, Cheddar.
Chipwrecked? The Squeakquel?
Clarence and I, having killed the Allentown brothers
Clarence,
Clarence, Clarence, they're bad people.
Clarence, I don't want you to see me like this.
Clarence, you can keep on talking, but just know, I think we just won.
Clarence, you did it, man! Fuck, you did it, cuz!
Clarence, you're embarrassing me.
Come here, buddy.
Come here, Keanu.
Come here.
Come on, bro.
Come on, I just want to build motorcycles,
Come on, just tell me what you want from me.
Come on, man!
Come on, man. You got a bunch of shit, man.
Come on, please, please, please! Come sit.
Come on, Rell.
Come on, y'all. Let's go to this party, man.
Come on.
Come on. Drive!
Come on. We gotta get this over with, man.
Cool, yeah.
Cool.
Count of three. We gotta fucking shoot them.
Crazy bitch!
Crimson Tide. Good one.
Cute cat.
Damn straight. Did that, too.
Damn!
Dare.
Deal breaker.
Deal. Why is it a deal?
Deal. Y'all hear that?
Deep breath. Ready?
Did I not mention the whys? The whys, too, motherfucker.
Didn't say goodbye or nothing.
Do it, do it.
Do it. Do it, do it, do it.
Do it. I don't care. I'm not getting into a...
Do it' do it, do it.
Do the honors, dawg.
Do we got a deal or what?
Do you think there's any chance you might find the guys who did this?
Doing an impression of a white guy.
Don't even worry about that.
Don't fuckin' let Anna Faris tear us apart!
Don't kill me. Don't shoot me! I don't want to die.
Don't let white girl tear us apart, Hi C.
Don't make the deal, because we're not those guys.
Don't tell me you just tried to flip,
Don't think too long, kid.
Don't think too long.
Don't turn your back on me.
Don't worry about it, baby.
Don't worry. I'll testify on your behalf.
Drive!
Dude, all you need to remember is...
Dude, look! I get you lost your kitty cat,
Dude, you lost your cat.
Dumb motherfucker.