Keanu (2016) Soundboard Edit

A refusal

Actually, he is, man.

After you just smiled and waved to the police.

Ain't no thang.

All right, this is the place.

All right, we're gonna have to walk

All right, y'all.

All right.

All right. Let's get Keanu. Let's get out of here.

And don't fuck up all this shit.

And I like to hold my gun like this.

And my grandma.

And then we can start nailin' down the hows and whens

And we here to collect the bounty.

And wherefores and...

And you don't make the rules.

And you have many more guns than I do.

And, if need be, we will just buy Keanu back.

Are you hurt? Are you hurt'?

Are you sure he was stolen?

Aren't we all from Allentown?

Aw' man.

Baby, I gotta go.

Bacon Diaz.

Because we don't have a gun.

Biscuits.

Blam...

Bro, no

Bud.

But, enough! Enough! Enough!

By me.

Calling Rell.

Can't we just...

Cheddar does

Cheddar is a businessman. He don't take drop bys.

Cheddar.

CLARENCE. Oh...

Come on, Iglesias.

Come on, you guys. Let's smoke some Holy Shit.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go!

Counts towards you doing you.

Crazy.

Damn, Hi C.

Damn, ****a! You see that shit'?

Deal breaker

Deal.

Deal.

Do it!

Driving up the price.

Drop it.

Drop the fucking... Hey, back up!

Drop your weapon now!

Early screening of The Blair Witch Project.

For helping me kill those people.

For John Kerry, a former presidential candidate.

Fuck that!

FUCK! No!

Get that bitch!

Get that bitch.

Get that off you.

Get that, bitch!

Get your hands up!

Give me the keys. Give me the keys.

Go get him, Rell.

Gonna rub it all over your neck.

Hannah!

Hannah!

Has us kind of lookin' like crime heroes or somethin'.

He just stands there. People want drugs.

Hell no.

Hell, yeah, ****a, we sleepy.

Help keep shit 100. You know what I'm saying?

Help me!

Help me!

Here we are.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!

Here, kitty, kitty!

Here's kitty!

Hey .

Hey, hey, you two!

Hey, Hulka. This is my cousin, Clarence.

Hey, keep your distance, yo.

Hey, knock it off! Knock it off!

Hey, man, you know, as much as I love snakes,

Hey, Stitches, man.

Hey, you know what, Techtonic'?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Holy shit, indeed.

House meeting

How much longer?

I be real with you, okay'?

I can't fuckin' hear what you're saying, bro!

I can't shoot them! I will not kill somebody.

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. All right.

I don't know if y'all know what we slinging these days.

I got Iglesias.

I got my name

I got you, Iglesias. Here we go. Okay.

I gotta start the car.

I gotta tell you, man,

I know. I'm sorry.

I look like Apollo Creed.

I love you, Keanu.

I love you.

I mean..

I said.

I will kill you!

I wouldn't

I???

I'll take a white wine...

I'm a wanderer.

I'm coming, Rell!

I'm good to go, dude

I'm not joking

I'm nothing without you

I'm out, I'm out, I'm out!

I'm the fuckin' cat, aren't I?

Is that a photo of you and Maisie?

It's called Spoonie Gee.

It's easy. It's easy, though. It's easy!

It's like you...

It's time to wake up.

It's too much of a coincidence...

Just got this done out back.

Just head towards the Hollywood Hills.

Just take a deep breath...

Just taking me out from the trunk'? Oh, thank you.

Just untie me, I'll go get it for you.

Keanu!

Keanu!

Keanu.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, now!

Life is a fuckin' game!

Listen to me!

Listen to me. Listen to me.

Look here, man.

Look, I spoke to Hannah on the phone,

Look, look, look!

Loosen up your shoulders.

Los Phaniomas.

Manny, open the car. Open the car.

Maybe we should.

Me, too, man. Me, too

Meow.

Mostly it's just good to see you.

My brothers. My brothers.

Nah!

Nah!

****a, yes, we them Allentown ****as.

No shit.

No way

No, Hannah, please don't hang up the phone.

No, no, no, no

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. Know what I'm saying?

No, no.

No, no..

No, not my De La!

No, you don't want to go through there

No!

No.

No.

No. That's my favorite fucking song.

Nobody

Not in front of us. Please, not in front of us.

Not you, C

Oh, fuck!

Oh, God, Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, sup, sup, bro?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about her, man

Oh!

Oh! you good?

Oh...

Oh...

Oh... Fuck me.

Okay, one...

Okay.

Okay. Bye. Hey

Okay. Then come on.

On, my God!

Ooh, yeah!

Please, no.

Really got to go, guys.

Really?

Red light! Coming through the red light!

Rell, it's gonna be okay

Right. You're alive.

Second of all, no, they don't!

She's in movies?

She's jokin'

Shiftlessly with no responsibility whatsoever.

Shit, yeah, it was them

Shit! That shit is crazy.

Show us what it looks like

Sir, that young lady just took my wedding ring,

So, what, do you need me for some kind of top secret mission or something?

Sorry! I'm sorry.

Stay right there!

Stop doing that. No, what are you..

Stop walking toward us!

Take care, guys! Have a great time!

Talkin' about the H N I C.

Thank you.

That goes without saying at this point.

That gun is so close to my head.

That was some cold shit.

That'd be real lucky to have you.

That's a shame.

That's actually the best tattoo I've ever seen in my life!

That's crazy how you knew that.

That's him.

That's Hulka.

That's our car.

That's right. People thought that shit was real.

That's what it's called, man. Holy Shit.

The Blips.

The dirtiest, most fucked up thing you've ever done?

The only way I know how.

They're fucking fingers, man. They're fucking fingers.

This is for my marriage.

This shit sound kinda white.

Thought y'all motherfuckers was dead.

Three more weeks, baby. That's it. 21 days.

Trunk, drop it

Trying to kill me with my kid's car!

Twenty three.

Uh, yeah. This is my ****a, New Jack, right here, man.

We ain't got no beef with you, Cheddar.

We could do business

We in the market right now for a gangsta pet, so...

We said one drink!

We supposed to own this city.

We're gonna go to my house, right now

We're gonna smoke some weed

We]! keep an eye out for the cat.

Welcome to my home, guys

Well, it's LA. It'll stop in a minute.

Well, shit. I mean, damn.

Well, that's a shame.

Well' sometimes you can be a little wound up

Whassup? I'm Trunk.

What a way to start a weekend, you know what I mean?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Stop moving forward!

What up?

What, this'?

What?

What? No, no!

What? Oh... There it is.

What'?

What'? Rell!

What's so scary about Cheddar?

What's this?

What's up, motherfucker?

Where are you going?

Who the fuck would want to break into your house?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa...

Why are you walking toward us?

Why are you walking toward us?

Yeah, for the calendar

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Roll on, po po.

Yeah' I know.

Yes, come on. Show us what death looks like.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, Rell.

Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes!

Yo, everybody won't fit into my car.

Yo, Shark, no disrespecting, now, man,

Yo, Tank!

You ain't gonna fuckin' shoot the driver!

You all right'?

You almost got us killed, man, okay?

You don't get to talk!

You fucking peasant!

You gonna kill me?

You good?

You just took my wedding ring.

You just went...

You know,

You must be psychic or somethin'.

You okay, Keanu'?

You punched him in the face.

You said to have fun.

You see, Donnie,

You should have seen your face.

You should keep the safety on.

You two morons is coming with us.

You were the one who said we were the Allentown ****as.

You're looking for Keanu'!

Are you ready to go? Uh, yes, okay

Back up! Thank you, God, for this!

Bye, honey. Drive safe. Bye, Belle

Clarence. Give me some skin. Spencer

Give me that. Okay

he got amnesia up here, fucking around. Crazy.

Hell, yeah. You heard her, y'all.

Help! Never mind.

Hey, man. Help him!

I don't talk that much

I know' right? Um..

If you don't mind. Keanu!

No, no. Clarence, Clarence, Clarence! Yeah.

Oh, God! Oh, fuck.

Oh, no. Oh!

Okay? Hells yeah, dirt

On... Whoo!

Seat belts and shill Come on, y'all.

Shit! Shit!

Shit. Damn.

Thank God. Yeah.

Thanks. Oh! Oh, yeah

Us? Yes. Nah.

Watch him for me? I will.

We should move on. Yeah, okay.

Well, look here, homeboy. Yeah, dude.

What you doing? What do you think I'm doing?

What? Get the cash, motherfucker!

What's easy? I've seen Hulka do this.

Yeah. I heard it. Oh, my God!

Yeah. Yeah, I did. It's not authentic.

Yes? Were bigger than the dudes

'oh, 'yes!