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Home > Frasier - Season 1
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
A buddy of mine is running the Widows and Orphans Fund benefit,
Actually, yes, but don't worry. I'm frequently wrong
All right, Frasier. Just give me the brick and no one will get hurt.
All right, I'll do it.
All right, if that's the way you want it, you leave me no recourse.
All you have to do to win is run those last five balls.
Almost nine.
And actually lived happily ever after.
And BANG, he drops dead of a heart attack
And Coach Medwick just stood there going... Whatever that means
And every time I do, I'm uplifted by its beauty
And fall asleep drooling on the couch.
And he did. And he does.
And he needs some local celebrities for his bachelor auction.
And I notice the garbage man looking at me
And I'm Frasier Crane... The lo ove doctor.
And I'm not stopping till I do.
And if you feel the same, I hope you'll find it in your heart
And it was going to be hot.
And nobody liked these more than Grammy.
And none of us could contain our laughter.
And PBS has a documentary on the swing bands of the '30s and '40s.
And place them on the objects you would like bequeathed to you
And pretending to lose the key
And probably end up spitting out my teeth like Chiclets
And quick release suspenders.
And said they can't get over why someone died?
And the crotch of my pantyhose is creeping down to my knees.
And this beautiful pair of sneakers flew off a car and landed on my feet.
And three is such an awkward number, you know, at a dinner.
And you know as well as I do, history is full of sexy limpers.
And you thought I was going to embarrass you.
And you?
Any good?
Apparently, Mr Mann heard your programme.
Are you taking separate elevators again?
As Marianne rushes to the guest room with a bucket of ice water,
At the meeting, I convinced my fellow psychiatrists to play a prank on him
Belt up, both of you!
Besides, I got Mom's small features while you got Dad's chunky thighs
Between the trees I saw Dad and Mrs Lawlor in each other's arms.
Bulldog has devoted 15 years to radio
But don't tell anybody. I was sworn to secrecy
But he was French there's no explaining their taste.
But he's always struck me as a really interesting guy.
But I suppose the best we can do
But I was watching you
But I've been around long enough to know that people get fired.
But I've grown comfortable with this part of myself
But if you don't, it'll look stupid!
By presenting a well thought out, point by point,
By ten, my writing had gotten tighter.
Can you tell me that your advice to Marco
Can't have my coffee. Can't have my breakfast
Catherine is mine now. I'm in and Marco's out
Child development is not my thing. My specialty is adult relations.
Chuck, I'm sorry I offended you.
Come on, Eddie.
Cos this is the first night I've been out in a year.
Could I see the other side of that one?
Could it be?
Crawling around the room meowing
Dad, it's for you.
Dad, you still have your billy club?
Dad! They're laughing at me
Damn it, that's another one. I'm losing my shirt here.
Daphne left dinner in the fridge, if you're hungry.
Delightful story, but I think the toast points need replenishing
Did you, er, get a good look at the guy?
Do you own a Paxton or were you blowing sunshine up Gary's skirt?
Do you want to hear something cute?
Does it matter in what order I make them?
Don, it's a common problem. I'm listening
Don't be a greedy guts. Let's have a look
Don't feel bad. I was a cop for 30 years, and they still fake me out occasionally.
Don't you back out, either, because I know where your office is, too,
Don't...don't cry.
Dr Jennings' office said you hadn't shown up today.
Easy? This is killing me!
End of discussion.
Especially when he challenged you to a fight and you stood up to him.
Every time you went to the telescope to see Irene, you hid your cane
Except that Jackie is a transvestite.
Excuse me
Excuse me, excuse me. Exactly how long have I been asleep?
Finally a little peace and quiet around here.
For some cocktails and such.
Forget about it. I already have.
Frasier, did you read Derek Mann's column? You were mentioned.
Frasier, look who's here.
Full blood panel?
Fully explore each one in turn,
Fuzzy Navel blended nice and frothy.
Get Dad and Daphne their own apartment.
Get down!
Give me the other earring. Maybe I'll get something
Give me the phone.
Go ahead
Good boy, Eddie. Just get down. Good, good, Eddie
Good news. I parked on a broken meter. We're getting a freebie
Good night, Seattle, we love you!
Good, you're up. Now we can get this picture taken.
Guilty, yes
Guy was no good
Has a young woman been here approximately 5ft 9¾,
Having a look at that murder case again?
He could've had high blood pressure, popped pills, drank like a fish
He deserves a fresh start
He doesn't do much, either
He graduated from Princeton, has a house on Mercer Island and a sailboat.
He is a witty, virile, charming man,
He shouldn't become the object
He smiles, and he's missing a tooth. That's when the romance went out of it.
He thinks he should be in a larger market, like LA or New York and..
He went to see him and found him on the bathroom floor
He won't hurt a woman.
Hello, Bulldog.
Hello, Eddie.
Hello, Hank, I'm listening
Hello, there Frasier
Hello. This is Dr Frasier Crane
Here you go.
Hey, Frasier. Hi, Mr Crane. What brings you here?
Hey, there's a fan in the hall who'd like your autograph.
Hey! I don't have to sit here and listen to that!
Hi, Dad. You look kinda tired.
Hi, Irene.
Hm, that's interesting. You noticed the space.
Hold it, you want to take that call for the same reason
How about Friday?
How about it? Let's take our first call here
How can you make a judgment about someone from one phone call?
How do the calls look today?
How much extra would I have to pay to get one from the refrigerator?
How was it?
How you doing, boy? I'm glad to see you, too
How's that for a segue?
I am sorry if I embarrassed you
I am telling you.
I can almost hear my left ventricle slamming shut as I speak
I can wear my new suit
I could come over and create a scene!
I didn't know Mrs Newman had company.
I don't believe it. This is incredible!
I don't like to engage in gossip but you have nothing to worry about
I don't mind you being tough on this place,
I don't need your approval. I don't need you for anything
I don't think public office is for Dad, but..
I don't think that's possible
I even turn on the TV at home
I found her attractive! Is it strange another man might, too?
I guess there's only one thing left.
I guess they don't talk about me when I'm not around.
I guess you should be with your family. It's more traditional.
I had an affair
I had my "fear of abandonment" workshop. I've already skipped twice
I had to stay chained to the radiator in my room.
I had to take me undies off to zip it up.
I knew if I kept being afraid, I'd never be able to do my job
I know this is a stressful time. It's new for all of us,
I know, son. That's why I said I was the one who had the affair.
I know! Maris's lovely Aunt Patrice is in town visiting from Washington DC.
I make a very decent living, I really do. This is not necessary.
I may surprise you. I probably am more "with it" than you think I am
I must pick up my big shoes.
I never miss it.
I opened at $100. Who knew that would be the only bid?
I purchased a painting by one of our premier artists
I realise it's a sunny day,
I really should be going. I've got to get ready for work.
I remember you when you ran around in your undies with your pail and shovel.
I said do time with.
I saw the plaque by the cash register
I see all sorts of things have been going on behind my back! Get...!
I see why you'd want him to live here
I suppose I like my gents more on the manly side.
I thought I'd started my life with a clean slate
I told you, Frasier. He can't tell the difference.
I want to apologise for what I said on the radio.
I was just about to put sugar into Coach Medwick's gas tank,
I was mentioned in Derek Mann's column
I was passing by and I've come to beg a favour.
I went home, I cried my eyes out. I swore I would get even.
I won't be outperformed by a Barcalounger.
I'd like you to meet a friend of Gary's, Dr Frasier Crane.
I'd love to have a beer with you.
I'd swear Dad was left in a basket on our doorstep.
I'll apologise when she comes with the dessert. Which should be any time now.
I'll dispense with the usual adolescent teasing
I'll find out what caused his heart attack
I'll go out on a limb and take that as a compliment.
I'm getting a very good feeling about this
I'm glad you're open. All other places are closed or booked up.
I'm going to my room! You two hens have wasted enough of my time
I'm having a few friends over for a little gathering this Friday night
I'm in love, and I don't care
I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening.
I'm Marco's girlfriend... Excuse me, ex girlfriend, thanks to you.
I'm not arresting you
I'm not putting my name on your stuff!
I'm picking up something from you
I'm something of a squalor buff.
I'm sorry I had to tell you, but at least now you know the truth
I'm sorry if it sounds priggish,
I'm sorry, talking over the blades, you know! Whoop, whoop, whoop!
I'm sorry. That was inconsiderate. Mille grazie
I'm talking to the dog
I've been around a long time
I've been dating this older guy and what if... You know...
I've got news for you,
I've had a shower.
I've met Aunt Patrice. She's a loon
I've waited so long for this moment. I'll let you describe your work,
If she saw how you've behaved tonight, she'd be ashamed. I know I am.
If there's a lull in the conversation we've got board games, playing cards.
If you bring him two or four, he'll send it back
If you're ready to accept that, I could suggest..
Illegal in 48 states kind of sex!
In a slightly better light, shall we?
Instead, I'm in this stinking hellhole on Christmas day,
Is it? All right, allow me to present exhibit "B".
Is Maris organising the...Arts Council benefit again this year?
Is the ultimate expression of our humanity.
It is a table for four,
It may have escaped your notice, but I'm a grown woman.
It pinches a bit under the arms,
It says here that it is a Paxton. The signature..