Frasier - Season 7 Edit

A level four biohazard area

A minibike?

About non custodial parents and discipline.

About raising a child after divorce.

Absolute hell.

Absolute nightmare.

Actually, what I'd like to do

After all,

After all, what parent doesn't, at one time or another,

Ah, well, there he is, telling his friends

Ah. Well, if the drumsticks are about this big,

All I did was tap into

All right, boy, I'm coming.

All right, coming, Dad.

All right, okay, uh,

All right, so his plan was a little artless.

All the time, you know

All we did was insult each other.

Although, maybe we

An article about me.

And call my colleague and tell him I'll be late.

And different things will happen to you.

And he offered you some wine on Thanksgiving.

And how much he misses you.

And how she's never met another man like you.

And how smart you are...

And if she stayed here,

And if you didn't either, then someone is setting us up.

And it'd be very uncomfortable, I think.

And looked at each other in the candlelight,

And make it up to him

And now I'm beginning to think maybe it's not.

And old Frasier will come a running?

And she pointed out that, as a psychiatrist,

And that worked? Oh, yes.

And the fellow sitting behind us was flicking the back

And the man did not get his drink.

And then find some subtle way to tell me what you think.

And they crumbled.

And wanted to give Mom a transfusion.

Are you okay, Grandpa?

Are you suggesting we collaborate?

As a little turkey,

As soon as we're done, I'll go check into a hotel.

At this very moment,

Be too much of an imposition?

Beautiful job

Because we're going to live here in Seattle.

BOY: What does that mean?

But all my friends have minibikes.

But I hope it doesn't, 'cause Eddie's just dying

But it was her idea.

But when your father and I let down our guard

But who...

But, Mom...

But, you know, it actually makes sense.

By hand? You're supposed to whip potatoes.

Candlelight, wine, soft music

Carving that turkey, Dr. Crane.

Come in.

Come on, boy.

Come on, I'll take him.

Completely obliterate their child's chances

Congratulations to you both.

Cooler?

Could you just once cook a traditional Thanksgiving meal?

Dad, here you are.

Dad?

Daphne, is your fiance￩ joining us?

Daphne, would that

Did you wash your hands, Frederick?

Dinner's almost ready.

Do I know my son, or do I know my son?

Do they even celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada?

Do you really mean it?

Does the door have to be closed?

Don't worry.

Don't you want your coat, Uncle Niles?

Donny has his own Thanksgiving tradition.

Essentially, yes.

Even if it takes a fleet of minibikes.

Every time I bend over to check the turkey, there he is.

Exactly.

Excuse me.

First of all, I have to be finessed!

For a child of divorce to want that.

For me to be here for one meal?

For more conclusive evidence.

Frasier has left the building.

Frasier, we have to talk.

Frasier, you can't see it from there. Sit down.

Frasier, you still have a direct line

FRASIER: You know, Dad,

Frasier.

Frederick, have a seat.

FREDERICK: I'm getting a minibike.

FREDERICK: It worked.

FREDERICK: It worked.

FREDERICK: It's about me.

Frederick!

Frederick!

Frederick.

Frederick.

From an intergalactic maximum security prison pod.

Generally speaking, your plan would be fruitless,

God, could he actually be so devious?

Going back to your former relationship.

Good idea, Lilith. You know what?

Good Lord.

Good night.

Good one, Dad.

Grandpa!

Great, Freddy.

Have you lost your mind?!

He could have been sublimating it for years.

He had to have known that we'd compare notes.

He has a dinner for all the divorced men

He just told me how much fun it would be.

He just told me the same about you.

He knows how I feel about you.

He makes us believe that he wants us together.

He told me that you've been pining for me.

He wants you to get back together?

He was perfectly fine

He was willing to put us through absolute hell

He will figure out a way to get it.

He's cooler than I thought.

He's hosting 25 today.

He's picking the raisins out of the stuffing.

He's represented during the year.

He's the man who supplies me with lab rats.

He's worried about his twitch.

Hello, Frasier.

Hello, Frasier.

Hello, Lilith.

Hello, Niles.

Hello, Peter, it's Lilith.

Hello.

Hello. Oh, gosh, you know,

Hello. Welcome to potatoes.

Here we are writing an article

Hey, Freddy.

Hey, Frederick, I'm leaving.

Hey, Mom,

Hey, Mom, how's the article going?

Hey, morning, Fras.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Roz.

His hopes are dashed, and we feel so guilty

Hmm? She told me on the plane

Hmm.

Honestly, wouldn't you rather

How much easier it would be.

How pretty you look,

How wonderful you are,

How you doing?

How's the writing?

I can spend the weekend

I could be won so easily.

I didn't do any of this.

I didn't even know you could die here.

I didn't know there was a door there.

I don't know what's worse

I don't understand.

I had some very strong coffee

I have to get out of this room.

I just bake a pie from scratch?

I just came back to get an umbrella in case it rains.

I just don't think she knows how to ask you.

I just...

I love you

I mean, I can't just sit here all night,

I mean, look at this cranberry sauce.

I mean, this colleague of hers gets mysteriously ill;

I might have a unique perspective.

I need to talk to you.

I refuse to spend the day

I simply applied a tourniquet.

I still have two more lives.

I suppose you're right.

I suspect he's asking your father

I take off his leash, and I say, "Run for your life!"

I think he wants us together again.

I think it's best.

I think she kind of misses you.

I thought I'd make Alice

I trust your flight was uneventful.

I used to tell the passengers that if Frederick cried,

I was so sure

I was starting to get worried about you.

I was talking to a friend

I wonder what...

I wouldn't know where to begin

I... can't seem to get out of this room.

I'd be willing.

I'd buy them all a drink.

I'd live anywhere to be a family again.

I'll ask you, too.

I'll be spending the weekend with Donny.

I'll finish up in here.

I'll help with the groceries.

I'll just have to keep my eyes peeled

I'm coming.

I'm done setting the table.

I'm going to go call my friends.

I'm going to go tell Uncle Niles.

I'm mashing the potatoes.

I'm saving the universe.

I'm with your mother on this one

I've known him for over 52 generations.

I've never seen him so eager to take a walk

If you don't mind, I'd like to use the phone

If you kiss her too fast, you get an ice cream headache.

If you'd bring out a little wine.

Ill considered night of passion?

In case you're wondering, this bird appears

In fact, one time, I woke from a short nap,

In other words... we're getting remarried.

In Vancouver.

Is it me, or is it getting warm?

Is it that you can'tl earn

Is keep her awake, so she'll sleep on the plane.

Is the witch gone yet?

Is there a chair here I could talk to?

Is this some sort of advanced level?

Is to collaborate with me.

Isn't that always the way?

Isn't that great, Freddy?

Isn't that great, Grandpa?

It certainly is nice for me.

It happened.

It is a little warm.

It is an intriguing idea.

It was his idea.

It would mean a lot to Frederick.

It's a subject that's very near and dear to my own heart.

It's about raising a child after divorce.

It's about time we got together socially.

It's been a good year.

It's easy. I'll show you.

It's like he senses an earthquake or a dark force

It's Lilith.

It's not your turn yet.

It's of a personal nature.

It's supposed to keep the shape of the can

Just come out and ask him?

Just for a minibike?

Just give me a minute.

Just go with me on this. All right.

Let me walk you out.

Let's go in there and promise him

Like they could hold me.

Lilith is joining us for dinner, Niles.

Lilith, has my twitch gone yet?

Lilith.

Lilith's still here, Dad.

Listen, I'm running about an hour late, so I...

Listening to this stilted chatter.

Little guide for divorced parents?

Look as cute as possible,

Love some.

Lovely to see you again.

MARTIN: Frasier, I could use some help out here.

MARTIN: Here, here, let me have him.

Me and Frasier!

Me, too.

Mm hmm

Mom saved this guy's life.

Must be sheer torment for him

My parents' feelings of inadequacy,

Need not be a weakened father.

Nice to see you, too.

Niles.

No need.

No need.

No, it's not.

No, no, no, Frasier.

No, of course not. He'll only deny it.

No, see, we called his bluff.

No, thank you.

No.

No. I'll be seeing him later.

Not at all.

Not us!

Nothing to be scared of.

Now go kiss your mother good bye and unpack, all right?

Now he's calling ours.

Now he's plying me with wine.

Now who's the egomaniac?

Now, once you leave this chamber,

Now, stop. If we laugh all night,

Now, wait a minute.

Now, where is your father with that gravy?

Of course, that was cheating,

Of course, we have to tell him

Of ever trusting another human being?

Of Frederick's little ear.

Of it done in the time

Off you go.

Oh, all right.

Oh, all right. What do I do?

Oh, Freddy!

Oh, gee, don't be so tough on yourself, Lilith.

Oh, gee, don't be so tough on yourself, Lilith.

Oh, I know. Why don't we just consult this handy

Oh, Lord.

Oh, now, nobody ever got anything from a rat

Oh, please. Niles and I are adults.

Oh, please. Some of us just had a big meal.

Oh, right.

Oh, should we tell her there's an extra person?

Oh, stop it, both of you.

Oh, uh, excuse me again.

Oh, well, if he wants something badly enough,

Oh, well, Lilith's dropping him off around noon,

Oh, yes, Freddy's been quite the little helper.

Oh, you set the table.

Oh? What do you mean?

Oh. Hi, son.

Oh. In that case,

Oh. Mom wants to know

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry

Oh. Oh, thank you.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Good bye.

On our first collaboration.

On taking your child through a divorce, and...

One frozen pumpkin pie as requested. Ah.

Or hello, Lilith a vortex of evil.

Or am I just very, very hungry?

Or you won't learn?

Our own son is nursing a hopeless fantasy

Perhaps I am overreacting.

Peter's come down with something.

Quiet.

Quiver a little bit.

Real great.

Really?

Really?

Really? Well, that's going a bit far

Remember when he was a baby

Right after the show.

Run for your life!

See what you think is going on in there,

She lassos me into writing this article with her,

She's a hero.

Should run this by your father.

Should write this article together.

Shouldn't I get something for it?

Since your little tryst.

Skillfully done, Martin.

So I don't need to touch the handle.

So if she cries on the plane,

So shut your pie hole.

So when is Frederick coming, anyway?

So, Dad, is Mom

So, it is true.

So, Lilith, tell me about this article you're writing.

Something I want to discuss with you.

Something is not right here.

Sorry, Frederick.

Staying for dinner?

Take a minute, and then come back in.

Take from it what you can learn. Move on.

Tell you what, Dad.

Thank goodness, the line wasn't busy.

Thank you, Dad.

Thank you, son.

Thank you, son.

Thank you.

Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate family.

That all his dreams have come true.

That I thought was over,

That wasn't resolved in a day or two.

That way, every bite tastes the same.

That we compensate by getting him something he wants.

That we'll get back together.

That you want me back, or that you think

That's a very clever little boy we have

That's all right.

That's exactly what I say: "Run for your life!"

That's not going to happen.

That's very nice, very elegant, Frederick.

That's your guy.

The baby brother he'll never have!

The bottle at the end of the maze?

The bun is off, she's waggling a bare shoulder at me.

The other passengers can't get mad. Ah.

The question is, what's our next move?

The reset button is on the right.

The slightest desire to see us together?

The weekend father

Then again, maybe I've just made

Then all of a sudden, before I know it,

Then he started whining and trembling.

Then she's off to visit a colleague for Thanksgiving

Then the paramedics came

There you are

They will when she leaves.

Thinks he caught it from the rats.

This is about Frasier.

This is different.

This is going to be the best Christmas ever.

This is our son being lied to by his parents.

This is where I try to run and can't.

This is, like, the training area.

This isn't a game of poker.

This isn't about you, you egomaniac.

This morning, and...

This whole thing up in my head.

Those are cranberries.

To clear out for the night.

To collaborate on this article.

To have died of a massive head trauma.

To hear that.

To maneuver us together, and it's only natural

To my funny bone.

To open the door with my elbow

To play this new game I taught him.

Together?

Try it again.

Uh oh.

Uh, looks fine.

Um, I've been rearranging this outline.

Uncle Niles, Mom's writing

Unless that's exactly what he wanted.

Unless that's what he wants us to think.

Until about a block from here.

Up, down, bumpy over the mountains.

Usually, in my dreams

Very well, thank you.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait. You think I'm responsible for this?

Waiting for the ax to fall.

Waiting for you to make your move.

Was that so hard?

We can't blink first.

We have talked about this.

We know that you've been trying

We need to talk to you.

We realized that we belong together.

We saw a big accident on the freeway.

We'll never get any work done.

We're flying home for Thanksgiving

We've got to go in there, tell him the truth,

We've got to go talk with him.

We've got to up the ante.

Well done, Dr. Crane.

Well done, Dr. Sternin.

Well, actually, Frederick told me.

Well, all he does is talk about you

Well, first, he offers

Well, guess it'll be all right by me.

Well, how would you have us behave?

Well, I picked up a thing or two in medical school.

Well, I think the last thing your father wants

Well, I'd better see how the turkey's coming.

Well, I'm sorry. It doesn't work that way, sister.

Well, I'm sure your mother can write it without my help.

Well, if you think I might be helpful.

Well, isn't that a bit bland?

Well, isn't this... nice?

Well, it's about an attraction

Well, it's an interesting notion.

Well, it's coming along nicely, thanks.

Well, let's see.

Well, not as nice as it is for me.

Well, so he took a professional interest in your article,

Well, take care of yourself.

Well, then I'll stay here.

Well, we certainly did well

Well, we really should get in there.

Well, what makes you think

Well, why don't you try

Well, you know Niles is coming this afternoon,

Well, you've just got this all worked out, haven't you?

Well... I learned

Well... well, is... is Baby Alice dressed

What a great idea.

What a nice surprise.

What about?

What are all these little chunks in there?

What are uncles for?

What are you doing?

What are you going to do,

What do you mean? Think about it.

What else do I need?

What happened?

What makes you think she's coming on to you?

What you doing?

What, then? (door opens)

What's happened?

What's the matter?

What's this about?

What's this joyous news I hear?

When has Frederick ever expressed

When will you stop?

When will you stop?

Who is this colleague anyway?

Who works at the New York Times Magazine

Why don't you spend Thanksgiving with us?

Why don't you take a look?

Wine?

Without their environmental containment suits,

Working on an article I've been writing.

Would it be that unbearable

Would you do that, too?

Wow. 25 lonely, bitter men.

Wow. I never saw the guy trip and fall before.

Yeah, even so, he lied to both of us.

Yeah, it's okay.

Yeah. She talks about you

Yeah. Uncle Niles even showed me how

Yes, and if all of your friends decided to enter

Yes, Daphne's preparing dinner.

Yes, Frederick, I am.

Yes, he's normal; we're not bad parents.

Yes, I suppose we should.

Yes, it sounds fascinating, doesn't it?

Yes, Lilith, we do.

Yes, of course.

Yes, that's your mother, all right, son.

Yes, that's your mother, all right, son.

Yes.

Yes. I think we should have something

Yes. Very nice.

You also learned that I have twice your upper body strength,

You and Mom should write this article together.

You assume you can just snap your fingers,

You can finish the whole thing.

You can get one when you're 15.

You can go left or right,

You can write it together.

You go take that out to her.

You have two lives left. Oh.

You know what I think, Dad?

You know what this means, don't you?

You know, come to think of it,

You know, Frederick,

You know, I kind of regret doing that.

You know, I think you and Dad

You know, I'm really enjoying this collaboration.

You know, I've never seen Dad this happy.

You know, it's great to see you and Mom working together.

You know, Lilith, we could probably get most

You know, since it's about me,

You know, you should just do what I used to do.

You know, you two haven't seen each other

You want something to drink?

You want to help?

You'll know why.

You're an hour late.

You're going to have to give up all of your friends

You're not getting a minibike.

You're still here in town.

You're willing to throw that away because of one

You've just escaped

(both laugh)

(character screams)

(character screams)

(character screams)

(character screams)

(character screams)

(chuckles)

(clattering)

(crashing)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

(doorbell rings)

(doorknob jiggling)

(Eddie whimpering) Come on, Eddie, come on.

(footsteps running)

(footsteps)

(growls) You know,

(knock at door)

(knock at door)

(laughing)

(laughing): Hi.

(laughs)

(laughs)

(laughs)

(laughs) That's a very good one, Frederick.

(paper tearing)

(phone disconnects)

(Ravel's "Bolero" playing)

(video game playing)

# And maybe I seem a bit confused #

# But I don't know what to do #

# Hey, baby, I hear the blues a'callin' #

# Oh, my #

# They're callin' again. #

# Tossed salads and scrambled eggs #

# Well, maybe, but I got you pegged #

# With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs #