Parks and Recreation (2009) - Season 3 Edit

A 98% match.

A beautiful half person, half horse.

A big success, and I wish I could stay.

A brief history of everything that has ever happened

A companion.

A couch with a ceiling on it,

A couple of car dealerships in town,

A department store with a guest list.

A disappointingly good idea from Jerry

A discount food outlet equidistant from my home

A douche vestigation.

A few ordinary schmoes, no offense,

A fleet of vehicles for harvest festival...

A full week of corn mazes,

A government wide health initiative.

A grain of sand could destroy it.

A guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him.

A homeless dude such as yourself?

A hug?

A kiwano or horned melon.

A little lady named Twilight author Stephenie Meyer.

A living document about the town.

A lot of boys do that in our town. You cannot be sure that he is the one.

A lot of fluids when it's sick.

A lot of job offers in your life,

A lot riding on this.

A lovely, intelligent, self possessed

A man after my own heart.

A man has ever grabbed my breast.

A native American tribe making a deal with the government.

A new library card?

A one hit wonder, like me.

A one way ticket to London, leaving today.

A pair of Ray Bans on a calculator,

A pizza buffet and they asked me to leave.

A private park that's not for everyone.

A relationship? With whom?

A role in her next film.

A similar flavor in the skittles.

A situation could arise

A small memorial service for him.

A surprise later?

A teriyaki hairpiece?

A thing of toothpicks that look like swords.

A toasted tallegio cheese crisp,

A total of 30 pizzas so let's talk toppings.

A turkey burger you take lean ground turkey meat,

A Venezuelan boyfriend who's, like,

A very nosy maintenance worker,

A weeklong showcase

A word I really think you should use...

A.K.A. Brian Thunder.

A.K.A. The headquarters of Entertainment 7/Twenty.

Aaaa, bam!

Aah!

Aah! Ron!

Aah! You're a monster.

About 83 cents.

About a man you didn't want to marry?

About an outstanding debt

About anything for the rest of the month.

About April.

About how great Snake Juice is.

About how lucky she is to have you as a friend.

About Li'l Sebastian.

About me and Ben, and he's gonna fire both of us.

About moving the carnival.

About our favorite mini horse, Li'l Sebastian.

About our relationship last week,

About sexual harassment, and then you go to Mexico.

About something different that is not Ben related.

About the boy mayor stuff.

About the miserable, screwed up world of local government.

About the seaweed and almond under eye cream

About Twilight.

About your favorite movies.

About your life?

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely sure?

Absolutely, my dear.

Absolutely.

Absotootly, I am.

Across the pond.

Actually it's because I didn't call you deliberately.

Actually, I have another idea.

Actually, I prefer the number 69 train...

Actually, that's the reason.

Actually, twice in the last week.

Actually, yes, Ben, I did.

Add ketchup if you want.

Adult stuff and become boring adults.

After every involuntary loss of bodily fluids.

After he broke up with me,

After I forced you to break up with Tom.

After my best friend, Ann, over there

After the Nazis took France, our mayor kind of panicked.

After the power came back on, we went and got him.

After the tenth shot of Snake Juice.

After they've behaved like a complete jackass?

Again.

Agh!

Ah

Ah ah ah!

Ah eey! Okay.

Ah ha ha! Yes!

Ah, beautiful.

Ah, good. Anne, you're so beautiful.

Ah, it's like I'm not even camping.

Ah, Nirvana. Hey, guys.

Ah, you are the person that's been emailing me

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Look...

Ah! Sure.

Ah! Wahallo.

Ah! You should do it.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Come on.

Ah...

Aha!

Ahh.

Air conditioners are cool blasterz, with a "z."

All by himself with no friends, staring at the wall.

All day.

All due respect, Eduardo.

All due respect, I recognize that boy.

All due respect, Ms. Clack,

All for a free scoop of Rum Raisin.

All I know is Leslie's always talking

All I need to do is focus and stay calm.

All I said to him was that this other band was better,

All I'm saying is, keep an open mind for a while.

All my binders are downstairs!

All my parents got me was that.

All night work!

All night work!

All night work!

All night work!

All of you, be quiet!

All over everything, but it does.

All right

All right, "Lesliemin."

All right, all right.

All right, Andy,

All right, come with me.

All right, cool. Great.

All right, Eric, taking a rest,

All right, everybody just grab a bag and open it up

All right, fair enough.

All right, guys, everybody listen up.

All right, I get it.

All right, I will help you anti seduce him.

All right, I...

All right, let's do this.

All right, let's get to it.

All right, let's go.

All right, let's run through it once.

All right, let's start with the personal stuff. How's Jessie?

All right, let's take a caller from Douche nation.

All right, maybe it's not the sexiest idea, Todd,

All right, okay.

All right, okay. Excuse me.

All right, switching gears here now.

All right, that's gonna be a cut.

All right, Tom, enough.

All right, uh, moving on to recycling.

All right, uh...

All right, we got a little one.

All right, we need to do some basic organization.

All right, well, this is a song I wrote for you,

All right, well, um,

All right, where to first?

All right, who's next?

All right, yeah, let's do it. Okay, good.

All right, you just fill out your name tag,

All right, you're burning up.

All right!

All right!

All right! Damn it, woman.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Bye.

All right. Okay, let's...

All right. Thanks.

All right. Uh, let's do this.

All right. Uh, let's get into it.

All right... Let's do this.

All the good ones are taken, huh, bro?

All the proceeds will go

All the time, or I'm no longer myself?

All the time.

All the wealthy people evacuated to Eagleton.

All those TV crews plugged in and overloaded it.

All we need to know right now is

Also behaved like a total jackass.

Also joining us today is a different person.

Also, he's not into you sexually.

Also, I can talk about my qualifications for this position.

Also, I'm giving you an advance

Also, if anyone finds my gray hoodie, I lost it.

Also, no bed. I'm going to go buy a bed.

Also, rose petals.

Also, she can be cruel and difficult,

Also, she did it, like, a week before my birthday,

Also, what about your neon gangster fedora hats?

Also, what's chutney?

Although it does kind of make you wonder how good of a nurse she is.

Although it is, sadly, one of the nicest spots in town.

Although it's a great name, and I'm probably gonna steal it.

Although on average, we are several inches shorter

Although that is very good advice.

Always good for you.

Am I a genius or what?

Am I crazy?

Am I not being obvious enough?

Am I not doing them?

Am I right, folks?

Am I right?

Am I right?

Am I right?

Am I supposed to casually steer the conversation

Am I Team Edward? Yes.

Am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

Amazing.

Amber, Annie, Bill, Johnny

America!

An adequate concert venue.

An Asian fusion burger

An exclusive, high end production company,

An hour ago, a giant fireball

An old Underwood Five with original carriage return.

And "fixed her deviated septum" and lost 35 pounds and lost something else.

And 6:15 A.M.

And 50 pairs of 3 d glasses and a 3 d capable television.

And 80 pounds heavier.

And a 40 pound bag of peanuts for energy.

And a burning effigy.

And a cab will be here whenever you're ready

And a girl.

And a good idea.

And a lot of un fun stuff.

And a second emphasis on mental.

And a third and a fourth.

And a year's supply of toilet paper.

And about how much he hurt you.

And action!

And actual cats, roughly 12 cats.

And after that, I will tell you my idea.

And again the next day.

And all of Pawnee when I say

And already a lightning rod.

And also see if you're interested

And also, I'm starting to forget who Ben is.

And also, my buddy Dave

And also, there's a pretzel stand over there that literally serves

And although it's purely ceremonial,

And Andy Dwyer.

And anyone who hurt her is someone I would murder, probably.

And are you gonna eat that pecan square?

And art is supposed to be happy and fun, and everyone knows that.

And as always, everything I said is off the record.

And as far as this reporter is concerned,

And as I aforementioned,

And as much as it pains me to admit this,

And as such, has no business being associated

And asked if it was because of the curse.

And average income. Who cares?

And awareness is still pretty low.

And backwards.

And believe me, people will come.

And best of all,

And both marriages ended in divorce...

And bought a brand new ribbon off of electronicbay.com.

And bring the budget back.

And buy everything on that list.

And by July,

And call you names.

And chicken soup, courtesy of me.

And chit chat with you.

And Chris is such a positive person,

And claim it was defective.

And combined, they have sold more than

And come with me. All four of you.

And communism is no good, right?

And counting.

And crazy amounts of History Channel documentaries.

And dinner parties do combine two of our favorite things...

And do it yourself?

And don't even bother trying to outflank me either,

And Drake all have in common?

And drinking espressos in a terrycloth robe.

And every bass tab to Dave Matthews ever.

And everyone's gonna have a great time tomorrow.

And everything is 100% up to code.

And exercise initiatives. Ann should do it.

And finally, our current slogan:

And focusing on building your client base?

And for the first time ever compiled,

And fought about boys.

And fourth graders aren't supposed to have

And freaked out, he's gonna be begging me to...

And from gladiators into Swansons.

And Furious. Yeah, I know.

And gaze in wonderment

And get takeout from the legendary J.J.'s Diner?

And gives you three wishes What would those wishes be?

And go out there and be the woman you always knew you could be.

And go scuba diving. And we could look at the whale sharks.

And go team! Yep.

And go with that.

And handcuff himself to a pipe.

And has read a shocking number of political biographies

And have a word with him.

And have class trips.

And he begged me to never call him again.

And he calls me coach...

And he can sing, and he plays the organ.

And he fell and hurt his arm.

And he had a lot of ailments.

And he has cataracts in both eyes

And he has no idea why.

And he has severe arthritis.

And he hasn't seen her since.

And he is terrible, facewise.

And he knows how Chris's mind works,

And he shot up really fast, and he got the bends.

And he shrinks up faster than an Eskimo's scrotum.

And he told me how great you are...

And he told me that I would be crazy to let you away.

And he was an instant phenomenon.

And he was married.

And he was very reassuring that we're headed in a good direction.

And he's a valuable asset to the team.

And he's been coming to advise us about our budget.

And he's easy on the eyes too.

And he's not gonna tell on us.

And he's willing to put on

And head back to Indianapolis or...?

And here I still am,

And hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley.

And honestly, they smell (BLEEP) terrible.

And hopefully she'll call me.

And hot.

And how did it get like that?

And how it perfectly encapsulates...

And how, exactly,

And how... how..

And I am a big fan of art.

And I am so proud of all of you. You've worked so hard.

And I am submitting this.

And I am working very hard to...

And I asked you for your advice?

And I became mayor of my hometown,

And I bring them together.

And I call forks...

And I can smell 'em from here.

And I can't date Ben because of Chris' stupid rules.

And I can't stay here because I see Ben,

And I congratulate you.

And I could read from my Sonicare booklet.

And I could visit her in London. Everybody wins.

And I definitely heard your feedback from last time,

And I did not know that you two once lived together.

And I didn't burn down the mill either. My sister did.

And I didn't pose for him.

And I didn't think you would give in.

And I didn't want to sacrifice that!

And I don't know how to deal with him.

And I don't like feeling angry.

And I don't want to buy all this stupid, boring,

And I don't want to get into it,

And I especially don't like people celebrating

And I even called Oprah.

And I feel like we have to at least talk about it.

And I feel like we should ask for an extension to stay here.

And I fell off my bike, so, no, I'm not perfect!

And I found out that the last seven towns

And I get to take 40 percent of your lunch.

And I got impeached.

And I had my face painted like a fairy tiger.

And I had to come up here and celebrate with you.

And I had to drink most of it to survive.

And I have a JPEG.

And I have enjoyed every one of them.

And I have some really great ideas,

And I just hope that the souls of my ancestors

And I just need to make sure

And I just need to make sure

And I just wanted to thank you

And I just wanted you to know that.

And I know we can get into trouble, but I can't take this anymore,

And I know you wouldn't do that to me.

And I like to sit on a bench in front of it.

And I look forward to the moments in my day where I...

And I love her, so I did it.

And I love her.

And I mean this in the nicest possible way,

And I need at least 80 local businesses

And I never clean up.

And I never do anything better than that?

And I now work at this traveling IV station.

And I probably will,

And I propose we bring the festival back.

And I put it between two starbursts.

And I put the footage on my blog or...?

And I put them in my idea binders.

And I really want you to have fun today.

And I said that you'll get

And I saw this.

And I say, " Uh oh.

And I start to fall?

And I submitted your name.

And I think deep down, you know that.

And I think you should come work for me.

And I thoroughly enjoy you, Ann Perkins.

And I thought maybe you could give it to her. She would love you for it.

And I thought, "why not go visit the Parks Department?"

And I told him that I loved him underwater,

And I tripped and broke my kneecap.

And I trust you won't tell anyone now

And I try to keep up on current events.

And I wanna buy you stuff and it's embarrassing that I can't, but...

And I want to let everyone know that,

And I want to put her ashes in the time capsule.

And I want to talk to you about Patty.

And I want to thank you for the fence.

And I want you guys to go to Bed Bath & Beyond

And I was hit by a school bus.

And I was hoping that maybe you would

And I was just wondering, what do you look for in a woman?

And I was messing with her. She got pissed.

And I will be ready for it.

And I will beat her senseless with a baseball bat.

And I won't be able to stop him.

And I would counter with my own question, which is,

And I would just stand out there observing my empire,

And I would like that with one ice cube.

And I, of course, accepted immediately

And I...Am down here somewhere.

And I'd like to put his ashes in the time capsule.

And I'll go camping by myself.

And I'll issue a statement

And I'll just spend my time out there reading my iPad

And I'm also a huge fan of yours.

And I'm glad you're here.

And I'm gonna divorce him, probably right now.

And I'm gonna go make out with him right now. On his face.

And I'm gonna have another meeting with her,

And I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

And I'm gonna put on a happy face,

And I'm gonna ruin it for everybody.

And I'm gonna stay out here and guard the door

And I'm gonna tell you everything you need to know

And I'm guessing your daughter?

And I'm happy to be here with you.

And I'm here to make a suggestion.

And I'm hoping your office can help us out.

And I'm just gonna concentrate on the presentation.

And I'm not calling Ann, so...

And I'm not going to, and I'm proud of myself for that.

And I'm seeing you here.

And I'm sorry, I have to say this,

And I'm starting to feel angry.

And I'm supposed to interview someone for a school project.

And I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy.

And I'm trying to save my friends' jobs.

And I'm very sorry.

And I'm wearing his clothes.

And I've been thinking a lot about powerful women,

And I've had two and a half glasses of red wine,

And if he is, he's a monster.

And if he's not, you guys are great together.

And if I am, she tries to [bleep] everything up.

And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson,

And if it fails, the Parks Department will be eliminated.

And if those kids want you to break the rules,

And if you can figure out who it is, you get to take it home.

And if you have any job openings,

And in other good news, he gave us a scare,

And isn't that the point?

And it applies to everyone.

And it brings City Hall to a grinding halt.

And it feels sticky.

And it had Egyptian hieroglyphics on it.

And it is going phenomenally.

And it is going to be next month right here in Pawnee.

And it is possibly

And it is...awkward.

And it kind of tastes like Kahlua.

And it meant nothing.

And it says you could have network connectivity problems.

And it scared him.

And it seems like it was probably your fault.

And it should never be defined

And it still smelled, so I ruined two eye creams.

And it turned out great, and everyone loved it.

And it turned out they were both gay.

And it was a mistake.

And it was far preferable

And it's been really hard on her.

And it's damn good.

And it's gonna be a long night,

And it's gonna be awesome.

And it's gonna be really big.

And it's important that we fight clean.

And it's just not worth the risk.

And it's not just because of the supplements

And it's not weird, you know.

And it's only because I like you a lot.

And it's starting to bum me out.

And it's the biggest thing I've ever asked anybody

And it's where fun meets awesome...

And Jerry can only function if no one's looking.

And just do it and get it,

And just for the record, I'm starting to hate you too.

And just let me say that we really tried.

And keep pushing so that my breakthrough will happen,

And leave my friends alone.

And let them work.

And let's be honest, it would be nice to not have

And lodged herself in your brain.

And make her take April and freeze their bank accounts.

And make him go to that antihistamine party.

And make sure everything goes great.

And micro greens on a gluten free brioche bun.

And misting myself with hand sanitizer.

And more frisbees to eat off of.

And more importantly,

And Mortenson had to fill in for Howser.

And most of my stuff.

And my band is so good,

And my best friend / personal assistant

And my bladder is the size of a thimble.

And my department, and that's fine.

And my parents were told

And my shift's over.

And my spa buddies own

And my work.

And never learned his name...

And no electricity after 6:00 p.m.

And nobody seems concerned about this.

And normally, this is the kind of thing

And normally, this is the kind of thing

And not focus on the fact that if one thing goes wrong,

And now the rings.

And now they aren't.

And now they're harvesting the rewards.

And now you're going on a road trip?

And now you're gonna seal the deal.

And now you're involved with this.

And now you're stuck here with me!

And now you've crossed your legs like a woman.

And odds are stacked against you,

And one of those

And our seats have extra cushioning

And outer beauty is also very important.

And over 50 Wamapoke were slaughtered.

And over here is Indiana's largest corn maze.

And parents, and annoying flossing habits,

And Pawnee hasn't hosted it in 20 years.

And Pawnee is special.

And people could live inside their own private jet.

And Pert had to fill in for Mortenson,

And poundcake... Am I right?

And punching Lindsay in the face

And put it in this cart right now.

And queens deserve flowers and massages,

And recorded everything she ever did.

And religious items.

And replaced it with the fat, brown baby vibe,

And return it to the citizens.

And Ron would not let me have any paper,

And said, and I quote,

And saw the flag was at half mast,

And seal the top so that he suffocates and dies?

And second, I am a budget specialist.

And secondly, hey, man, if it's gonna happen...

And see if you can come up with a real idea that we can use.

And send it posthence?

And she got a boyfriend, I guess,

And she had this great guy doing face painting,

And she has a new boyfriend, right?

And she invited basically everyone I knew,

And she loves Twilight and so..

And she makes snap judgments about people

And she refused.

And she was like...

And she's a nurse, and she works at a hospital.

And she's into me,

And she's kind of a bully.

And she's so important to me.

And she's the most beautiful nurse in the world.

And shove it into your human resources slot.

And shoving a coffee filter down her pants.

And shower curtains, and a cutting board.

And smart and beautiful.

And so he put signs about her all through City Hall.

And some chocolate covered espresso beans

And some people wanted to destroy this painting,

And some were tricksters.

And someone will be here sometime.

And something called Banjo Boogie Bonanza.

And spoiler alert...

And stink lines coming off her, 'cause she stinks.

And strong sexual overtones.

And subconsciously, I painted you.

And suddenly, I was like,

And surrender it to Marcia Langman.

And sweet, brave Joey,

And talented, and you're gonna be fine.

And talk things out.

And talk to the town about stuff.

And tell her that I will be unable to enjoy lunch

And thank you for your discretion.

And that I might disagree with your philosophy,

And that I was the most amazing woman you had ever met.

And that includes the men.

And that is not a line. That is for real.

And that is why I have to stop their wedding.

And that someone

And that together we're unstoppable.

And that way, Ben never has to meet her

And that would be inappropriate,

And that you think it might be fun to take it out on me.

And that, Lauren, is how FDR ruined this country.

And that, Lauren, is how taxes work.

And that'll be fun.

And that's Ben's fault, and he's sorry.

And that's coming from someone who has a Mercedes.

And that's coming from someone who has a Mercedes.

And that's that. Do you understand me, madam?

And that's the third lightning rod.

And that's the TV room.

And that's why they call me Prince Charming.

And the annual Pawnee Harvest Festival.

And the answer's been right in front of us

And the best part is,

And the book Freedom by Jonathan Franzen.

And the budget is tight.

And The Dirty Dozen.

And the flu is like a grain of sand.

And the front door provides energy flow and opportunity.

And the Grand Canyon.

And the human foot is the ultimate technology.

And the increase in regularity.

And the mayor's term is up next year.

And the message of this painting is,

And the monetary value

And the new full length CD, The Awesome Album.

And the next day.

And the number three girl's name.

And the other one that's just for items

And the Parks Department

And the point is,

And the reason why I know this

And the swimming cap?

And the swimming cap?

And the ticket sales are gonna go down.

And the town has really nice blond hair, too,

And the worst part?

And then do you know

And then 12:00 noon sharp is the inaugural "D Ann ce Party."

And then a reporter came in

And then again when I heard

And then also kissing? I was

And then April kissed me, and I told April,

And then blows the whole budget on an ice skating rink.

And then disappeared through that hole in the wall.

And then don't say anything to anyone

And then get everyone to refer to their packets,

And then he broke up with me.

And then he got down on one knee

And then he talked about feeling up Cindy Eckert

And then he walked into an office that wasn't his.

And then I found out he wore those clothes

And then I said, "uh, you know what?

And then I took a third, and it stayed down.

And then I wanted you to meet my parents?

And then I'll introduce you. Great.

And then I'm gonna go into a supply closet

And then my hand accidentally

And then on to a town called Snerling, Indiana,

And then one day, she just started

And then she asked me the whole thing, and I didn't even do it once.

And then she hurled my Kate Spade headband somewhere.

And then she sold out everything that we believed in.

And then she took me to that place, Señor Vega's,

And then the guy said he wasn't "feeling it,"

And then the show ended...

And then there was a bouncy castle.

And then they offered her the job, and she took it and disappeared.

And then they offered her the job, and she took it and disappeared.

And then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol...

And then try to find some dirty stuff in there.

And then we can reconnect and hash things out.

And then we could have

And then we could split the profits for the school.

And then we got it and we're good.

And then we went back to my house,

And then we'll get everything cleared and out of the way.

And then we're just gonna let the stink and the raccoons run wild.

And then whichever items we generally agree on

And then you add the Wamapoke controversy.

And then you have the curse, quadruple lightning rod.

And then you said that in a different world...

And then you're not gonna move to Indianapolis...

And then, I find someone else with compatible qualities,

And then, when I tried to sit down, he said,

And then, you get your laundry...

And then, you know, maybe give it to me.

And then... and then it would be funny.

And there are great people.

And there is nothing in Twilight

And there's no room in here

And they are terrified of curses.

And they brought with them some disturbing news.

And they do.

And they happened to have nice breasts.

And they have a new assignment for us.

And they have to guess what the other one answered.

And they see a famous mini horse.

And they'll assume the attack was from a man.

And they're not gonna say anything.

And they've agreed to donate

And things that human adults need.

And think of ideas...

And this is Nightline.

And this is Nightline.

And this moment will be commemorated

And throw them into vodka tonics,

And to every Pawnee citizen who might have a bright future

And told them to come to a club

And Tom will be with me.

And tonight's just not about pleasure.

And two days a week, she still gets to be

And walnuts could complement each other so well?