Parks and Recreation (2009) - Season 4 Edit

A bad guy smoking cigarettes.

A book club four years ago.

A book is nothing more than a painting of words,

A book that I wrote and published

A bummer.

A crash course?

A crisp $20 bill.

A cucumber.

A dead eyed government drone with no ambition.

A different ambulance than the one I ran into.

A fact is not an anecdote, Gary.

A fair point.

A few days ago, on a routine campaign stop

A few days ago, on a routine campaign stop

A few weeks ago, a guy called me a bitch in a bowling alley,

A final tally within 1% will trigger an automatic recount.

A fitting end to a bizarre interview

A foot in a mouth.

A glass of red wine,

A glorious female warrior.

A glorious female warrior.

A goody goody nerd.

A great job.

A group of people can make a difference.

A hammer.

A heartwarming story about a caveman eye doctor

A job that I have no authority to offer.

A journalist.

A lecture on responsibility again.

A little bit about Pawnee's premiere entertainment

A little bit of lemon, and hint of turmeric.

A little icier than I needed to be.

A lot of money to the department.

A lot of people have been asking me

A lot of people say the Harvest Festival

A lot of these dogs have rescued people from burning buildings.

A major European company to open up a factory in Pawnee.

A man is dead.

A more basic, no nonsense beverage.

A new one right now.

A nonprofit group that puts umbrella hats on homeless people

A nurse, examined the photo you sent her

A party for our biggest donors.

A party for the end of the world.

A pirate ship bouncy castle. With bubbles.

A plucky fifth grader wanted to join the Pawnee Rangers,

A political campaign.

A positive one.

A pretty good killer witness.

A puppy party.

A quiet patch of grass, harming nobody.

A real impact on society.

A real job in his life.

A real job in his life.

A safe home for the animals, a job for my friend, and a full Parks budget.

A scissor half.

A second red carpet.

A sense of accomplishment and pride.

A shoe shinist.

A sign with all this complicated nonsense

A State wide Model U.N. In this room,

A summit with the nation of Peru

A three course meal where each course

A triple decker ham and cheese from the cafeteria.

A triple espresso with eight sugars.

A triple VIP area.

A true Pawnee Model U.N. legend in action.

A weird rattlesnake sound.

A what?

A whole, new, sexy vibe.

A woman commits an "oh no no," it can end the relationship.

A word cloud.

Aah!

Aboard the S.S. Knope.

About a monk who killed himself.

About a playboy otter lost at sea,

About a time when prejudice has touched your lives.

About her specifically?

About making decisions in the house?

About me and bowling, and his name is Derek.

About nature and self reliance.

About Susan B. Anthony is...

About the issues facing our city, I'm right here.

About the testicles.

About the way you present yourself to the world.

About this date. I mean, so many injustices.

About to take a job doing in house accounting

About when my relationship with Ben Wyatt ended.

About where you were born.

About, you know, what you got from the class.

Abso toot ly I am.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely nothing.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

According to Andy, you're quite the feminist.

According to the most recent available data.

According to the newest polls,

Accounting systems, audit management.

Accounting.

Actually

Actually, Chris, I know you think that we're a dream team

Actually, I think you should go in alone.

Actually, I'm quite miserable.

Actually, my real name is Gary.

Actually, no, sorry.

Actually, not all of it.

Actually, she is a terrifying sociopath

Actually, that's why we were at the police station today.

Actually, the water is not good for you, either.

Actually, we were having a really great talk.

Acupuncture.

Ad?

Add a line at the end about how you're pro business,

Adjust.

Adult film star, Brandi Maxxxx, has a commanding lead.

Affair of the heart.

Affect your decisions as a City Councilor?

Afraid so. Right at dawn.

After a few weeks, the toe just kinda fell off.

After a rough start, your girl's doing okay.

After all the hoops that Ben and I had to jump through

After he lost the weight.

After I steal this cable feed, I will repay the cable company

After I tell him, I'm running for office,

After Leslie does her Rodney Dangerfield impression.

After the bar last night,

After the break:

After The Smallest Park wraps up,

After this project finishes,

After this we won't have to go to the doctor

After work, I'll just go home,

After Yolanda finally, you know,

Again, Andy, you don't need to bow.

Again, the date was amazing,

Again?

Again? You just hired me eight seconds ago.

Against Bobby Newport.

Against Eagleton High clinched a comeback victory

Aggressively short almost.

Agreed. Let's get right to it.

Ah well, I should not have called Nick Newport a jerk,

Ah, [Bleep].

Ah, but all jokes aside.

Ah, call an ambulance!

Ah, classic Derek with the Zings.

Ah, France,

Ah, geez.

Ah, ha, ha, ha. I found it.

Ah, I probably shouldn't have said that.

Ah, I should've said Liam Neeson.

Ah, it gets old.

Ah, okeydoke.

Ah, open's fine.

Ah, right on. Yes. Hit me.

Ah, screw it.

Ah, screw it.

Ah, still good.

Ah, stop!

Ah, that's a good call.

Ah, that's good.

Ah, that's so sweet I've never had a boyfriend

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Hey, Ben.

Ah...

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh.

Akash, buddy, of course I came to you first.

Alf.

All anyone really wants is free clothing

All due respect, Mr. Hamsterpenis, but no, I don't.

All due respect, Mr. Hamsterpenis, but no, I don't.

All due respect, Ms. Ludgate, do you even know what you're doing here?

All I know is that I just want to live in a world

All I want to do is improve our town,

All in favor of the resolution.

All kinds of food and snacks.

All my movies are based on books.

All of her campaign events

All of our candy decorations in our corners of the office.

All of them, like a thousand,

All of them.

All of these animals are going to die.

All right, enough chitchat, everyone.

All right, forget it.

All right, guys, here's the deal

All right, here we go.

All right, hey, why don't we line up for autographs

All right, I'll see you later, Chris.

All right, it is time

All right, Leslie, what's your call?

All right, let me lay it out for you.

All right, let's do this.

All right, let's give this sucker a test drive.

All right, let's go to the video again.

All right, let's go.

All right, look, I know I messed up,

All right, now we're just wasting time, Jerry.

All right, pal, level with me. What's going on?

All right, peace, man.

All right, so we don't have to fact check anymore.

All right, that could work.

All right, that was great,

All right, that's all the questions for now.

All right, the ones from the other hallway are...

All right, well, if you change your mind,

All right, well, this is what we're doing tonight.

All right, you wanna hear my plan, get at me later.

All right?

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Everybody move!

All right. I gotta come clean.

All right. No take backs when we sober up, though, partner.

All right... maybe you have to start thinking about

All righty, folks. One minute. Thank you, Lorenzo.

All that's left is the waiting. Okay?

All the kids are doing it.

All the people you mentioned.

All the places you mention in the book.

All the scholarly work that I did on these texts indicated

All the terrible things that have happened

All the things make me feel a lot of feelings about myself.

All told, we were in there about six hours.

All we do is sit in silence and eat beans.

All you need to do is ask.

All you need to do is stop the machine for a second

Allergic to chestnuts.

Almost everything you wrote on that board as a dream job

Alone without cameras.

Along with pets.com, Blockbuster and Ask Jeeves.

Already did.

Alright, I better be going.

Alright, the good news is,

Also I need you to do some fecal contamination testing

Also I'd have the chance to work with leather

Also I'm hungry.

Also I'm really good at bowling.

Also I've swallowed every piece of gum

Also making a comeback the casual Hawaiian shirt.

Also no.

Also their ceremonies require the playing of flutes.

Also you need to find someone educated,

Also, from now on, we'll be using code names.

Also, I keep a sizable supply of ground chuck in my desk.

Also, light refreshments will be served.

Also, P.S., it was delicious and amazing,

Also, you called the dead man a jerk.

Also, you will watch the debate.

Also, you've been making campaign speeches in your sleep.

Also, your logo, it's the worst logo I've ever seen.

Although I could do without this.

Although I once knew a Leslie, and, uh, she was just awful.

Although I've not worked with you professionally,

Although she felt the law unjust,

Although the smells from the Greek restaurant next door are not ideal.

Although, I am a little offended

Although, I am just two sandwiches away

Although, maybe we'll start.

Always makes me feel better.

Am I dead?

Am I filled with little rice krispies?

Am I gonna be happy?

Am I in a relationship?

Am I right?

Am Mother Nature's brother:

Amazing news Buddy Wood's flight was delayed.

Amazing.

Amazing.

Amazing. Lauren, that's so good!

Amazing. That sound bite is gold.

Amazingly, yes. Muncie, Indiana.

Amen, brother.

Amen.

Among Pawnee seniors...

Amongst other things.

An absurd pipe dream I now realize was impossible.

An accountant to know that this girl is a ten.

An adorable man with a cute face

An amazing Sweet 16 surprise party

An environmental impact report.

An excellent government employee.

An online dating site randomly paired us up.

And and then I could have time to speak to you,

And and together we can build a better Pawnee.

And "give me something to do during the day."

And 2.8% body fat.

And 4,000 Facebook friends and a hot girlfriend.

And 50 hours a week on the campaign.

And a Centurion Club Elite VIP area.

And a flashlight...

And a gigantic fireman named Marcus.

And a life of tube tops and tribal tattoos

And a little annoyed.

And a little more considerate.

And a more progressive tax on residential properties.

And a person with less feelings.

And a s'mores off.

And a sad moment

And a Senate race.

And a time machine.

And a tiny throne instead.

And a vote for her is a slam dunk.

And according to your rule, we can't date because you're my boss.

And achieve one of my all time happiest moments real quick.

And actually remembered to invite him.

And after 36 years, they are still divorced.

And all earthly debts will be repaid

And all I did was call in to this radio station

And all my other friends volunteer to help me out.

And also, in this hand, right here,

And also, maybe you should talk to Ben.

And Andy's my assistant, so I kinda need him close to me.

And Ann gets the badge for second flyest hairstyle.

And Ann is the greatest human being ever invented.

And Ann specifically. And all of you!

And answers phrased as questions

And anyone who even rubs their hands on a leather jacket

And around here, I'm a Pawnee legend!

And as a person, and I got carried away.

And at the end of the year,

And audibly farted, then threw up. Spin.

And barfing in hot tubs.

And basically begged him to meet with me again.

And because he got in an accident at the rock quarry

And because he's not here right now,

And because I work for the government,

And because you lied about it,

And before you leave, don't forget your gift bag.

And being the hottest couple in Pawnee.

And Ben is really nervous because he is afraid of cops.

And Ben's ad is just better.

And brunch. And outside.

And by the end of the night, he will be mine.

And by the way, we got the gramps

And can see everything but love.

And Champion goes back to the pound,

And champion, the three legged dog?

And change his name to Ben Wyatt Malwae Tweep.

And charming. Occasionally.

And check it out, she even took out the dumb clock part

And consider what it would really mean to work together.

And could you step out of the vehicle, please?

And cut down my time with Parks and Rec.

And decided that not just Public Works

And decided that not just Public Works

And demolished it.

And did you break any local, state, or federal law

And direct phone line for whoever's in charge

And do the hard work yourself.

And do this thing for real.

And dodging knife attacks from meth heads.

And doesn't even try.

And dragging you through an ethics trial

And dynamite blew up his face.

And each time he's told me he's just too busy

And eat it right there at that table.

And either way, it was his fault,

And emotional ramblings and pictures of unicorns,

And Entertainment 720.

And even that, I go back and forth on.

And eventually we're gonna both be friends again.

And every year, she gets me something thoughtful

And everybody called you "the gerbil" because

And everyone else sounds like demons.

And everyone involved in my campaign,

And extremely awesome, by the way.

And find out who's gonna testify.

And find the last clue.

And fix everything I can find that needs fixing.

And for some reason there's a massive bidding war

And four years from now, who knows?

And frankly, they've donated

And free Bobby bars.

And friendly, and fun

And friendship is better

And from that day on, my room was gross. Really bummed me out.

And full disclosure, I think they're bonkersville.

And Gayle agrees.

And get a frozen burrito

And get a super early start on our door to door tomorrow.

And get the original, long form certificate.

And get this... he's not even that good of a bowler.

And give her a sweet little shout out.

And give me your car keys for a second?

And go apologize to Bobby.

And got Councilman Pillner to save her precious department,

And gumdrops!

And he acted more effeminate than he does in front of you.

And he called me by my second least favorite term for a woman,

And he couldn't have cared less.

And he is named Dennis. Kyle.

And he looked sympathetic.

And he needs to do his version.

And he punched him in the face.

And he stinks! He really stinks!

And he stinks! He really stinks!

And he took full responsibility for the bribe

And he tried to cut himself out.

And he wants to interview me for a series he's doing

And he was kind of a jerk.

And he was rude, and he was foul mouthed.

And he's already 70 points up in all the polls.

And he's been to at least 200 Phish concerts.

And he's going to have to open his mouth.

And he's got a great face and nice hair, and he's

And he's had a really rough life.

And he's like, "It's a war zone up there."

And he's like, "You bringing any weapons?"

And he's not shrimpy.

And he's on a journey, so I don't think he's gonna be

And he's taken. Uh... what's this?

And he's your dog.

And here it is!

And his family employs half the town,

And his much younger friend.

And his name is DJ Bluntz.

And his salary has not been raised a nickel.

And history will be unkind to those

And hit all the towns in the southeast.

And hit my head

And how I'm going to fight this thing from my prison cell.

And how much is left in the bank account?

And how stupid it is.

And I always liked you.

And I am going to go run some stairs

And I am legendary newswoman, Joan Callamezzo, newly single.

And I am very happy that I have not uncovered

And I apologized, and he apologized.

And I approve this message.

And I believe she feels the same towards me,

And I bet they look even better on Ben's floor.

And I broke everything.

And I brought a bachelor.

And I called Joan a liar!

And I came out the other side

And I can hear the sound of the applause

And I can see in the crowd

And I can tell you, you get out of it what you put into it.

And I can't take this thing on the highway,

And I care about you,

And I choose to support team Knope

And I compared it to Avatar,

And I crushed my opponent.

And I did have some problem with my character witnesses.

And I don't care who knows.

And I don't know if I want to work with Jen.

And I don't know what happened,

And I don't know why.

And I don't need free publicity.

And I don't respect her as a woman."

And I don't want to put you through this any more.

And I failed again.

And I feel like you're out of my league.

And I finally killed them.

And I finished dead last.

And I get the... Who's the..."

And I got a song stuck in my head,

And I got upset when you didn't want the same thing.

And I guess I'm just surprised that

And I had no right to do that to you or your future children.

And I had this really weird patient.

And I have a serious excess of pre interview adrenaline.

And I have made a decision.

And I honestly can't believe we ever dated.

And I interviewed

And I just didn't think I should correct him.

And I just knew you were a big fan of financial records,

And I just want to have dinner with you.

And I just want to say I'm really sorry.

And I just want to say I'm sorry, Chris.

And I kind of feel like we shouldn't hang out together,

And I know all of you know how hard she has worked to get here.

And I know I'm not supposed to care,

And I know it sounds corny, talking pig, whatever.

And I know this is a long shot

And I know, firsthand, how very special the people of this city are.

And I learned how to use iMovie.

And I like this crystal beetle,

And I locked that sucker up a long time ago.

And I looked after Champion here.

And I love riddles.

And I love telling them that I love them.

And I love the town so much,

And I make myself useful elsewhere.

And I mean, I'm still pretty bad at it.

And I might never have to talk to him again.

And I need someone in every GNC within a five mile radius

And I need to make sure it's protected.

And I need to warn you, I know my stuff.

And I need you to check the water for bird dung.

And I phoned it in pretty hard.

And I pretended to lose to you.

And I promise you.

And I realized that I had made some crucial errors.

And I realized this after speaking

And I really wish that the ethics investigation

And I reckon you should too.

And I represent the PCP.

And I shall do it with aplomb.

And I should come down.

And I should listen to you always

And I should probably thank you

And I sincerely thank you for that suggestion.

And I suppose, in the most dire of circumstances,

And I taught you well,

And I think he likes you.

And I think I have a lot of support

And I think I know what you're gonna say.

And I think I need a little more time

And I think I'm ready to say I love you

And I think Pawneeans deserve a city councilor

And I think that we should date all of it.

And I think that you may even be guilty of bribery.

And I think we should make an attack ad

And I think, if we find Champion,

And I thought he might wanna go with you

And I thought I could pick your brain.

And I thought I could pick your brain.

And I thought that she was going to be really disappointed in me.

And I thought you might like to come with me.

And I thought you would be a tremendous addition

And I tripped or "fell over"

And I trust you.

And I want Leslie to win. And I like sleeping.

And I want this to be the most amazing, awe inspiring,

And I want to apologize to all the women...

And I want to be with you.

And I want to make it even better.

And I want you to be my girl,

And I want your vote because I want Pawnee and my dad

And I was giving you a tryout of sorts.

And I was so mad, I punched a mailbox.

And I was supposed to put these flyers in the envelopes.

And I was thinking that maybe you might wanna sit in.

And I was wondering if you could recommend anything.

And I was worried that you might be concerned,

And I went to this website, and this ad popped up

And I will be filling in for Leslie while she runs for office.

And I will be providing my world famous hundred dollar lap dances.

And I will call my new Italian fast casual eatery

And I will finally eliminate this city's libraries!

And I will happily endorse you...

And I will not be fighting the charges

And I will prove it, Mr. Traeger.

And I will work hard, every hour of every day,

And I won. It was awesome.

And I would like to give our relationship another try.

And I would never do one in a million years.

And I...

And I'd call it Eagleton: The land of rich, snobby jerks.

And I'd kind of like to see her again before she leaves.

And I'd like to get it right.

And I'd rather not have that type of person nearby.

And I'd vote for her. There you go.

And I'll apologize to her as well?

And I'll be back soon.

And I'll be the Moon.

And I'll do some work from home.

And I'll have a big party,

And I'll have to give you referrals for specialists

And I'll put you both on the guest list,

And I'll take the cheapest one you have

And I'll thank you to keep the ruckus down

And I'm all pruney.

And I'm at a couples dance.

And I'm engrossed in this book.

And I'm going to announce the relaunch,

And I'm going to be back and I'm not gonna split.

And I'm going to kick his ass.

And I'm going to muddle through this thing as best I can.

And I'm going to take the money.

And I'm going to viciously attack her.

And I'm gonna beat you up until you do, because I'm mature.

And I'm gonna lock down that P plus.

And I'm gonna make my choice as I always do,

And I'm gonna vote for her.

And I'm lucky that Ann and Tom

And I'm not going to have a job.

And I'm not leaving until you make the call.

And I'm not referring to your stature, Gary.

And I'm pro clean water.

And I'm really looking forward to your vote in the spring.

And I'm really, really sorry I called him a jerk.

And I'm seeing double.

And I'm super lucky that that tape disappeared.

And I'm supposed to let it go,

And I'm totally fine with that.

And I'm trying to get his endorsement before he goes.

And I'm trying to help. My God.

And I'm very sorry.

And I'm very, very pro local propositions

And I'm working the late shift of the snow globe museum,

And I've been laying around

And I've driven the same car since 1991.

And I've gotten beyond it and now we're best friends.

And I've had some wine

And I've heard that you're planning

And I've ignored it, because it is ridiculous.

And I've never seen the wrapper come out.

And I've shared my flags with him,

And I've worked my whole life to make it great.

And I've worked my whole life to make it great.

And I've worked my whole life to make it great.

And if anyone in the entire world

And if anyone in the entire world

And if anyone wants to help assemble Leslie's scrapbooks,

And if elected, I promise to stop the Newports

And if elected, I will fight for them

And if he falls to pieces, he's going to look sympathetic.

And if he thinks he can buy this election for his son,

And if he's reeling, all the better.

And if I don't make it awesome, they may cancel it.

And if I don't mantain an extremely high dosages of herbal remedies,

And if I'm alone with my thoughts,

And if Leslie has taught me anything,

And if Lil' Sebastian were still alive, he'd surely vote for her.

And if people won't vote for me because of that,

And if we win, hopefully, it will be the home

And if you lie, I will fire you and have you prosecuted.

And if you listen closely, that is the bubbling of the hot tub.

And if you wanna live yours, here's my card.

And if you're wondering what kind of guy is right for Ann,

And if! push too hard,

And in return, I'll only ask for one thing,

And in the case of the woman who's stolen my heart,

And increase benefits without cutting back on hours.

And is his penis normal?

And isn't my family what this town's really about?

And it didn't work.

And it is very classy. No melon, no apples.

And it kept freezing and I got annoyed

And it makes you feel things.

And it mattered to me that he liked you,

And it never works.

And it wasn't until just now that I realized

And it will be amicable!

And it will be casual,

And it's changing everything," and I'm like, "what?"

And it's cheaper.

And it's emotional, and it's important.

And it's finally happened.

And it's okay.

And it's paying off big time.

And it's razor thin. And getting razor thinner.

And it's really good.

And it's what's made me a successful businessman.

And Jerry.

And jump off of cliffs together,

And just [bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep].

And just like Leslie,

And just subtly hint at what's bothering them.

And just tell her, in a normal voice, that you care about her.

And last year the five people that he profiled all won.

And learn traditional survival skills

And learned a lot.

And Leslie Knope? Closing statement?

And Leslie, your Parks work, it's no joke.

And let her do an ad for me?

And let me tell you, it's going to be

And let them into our clearly superior organization?

And let's face it,

And losing that interview didn't help.

And luckily Ben is going to announce

And made this place cool.

And make geopolitical problem solving my bitch.

And make s'mores.

And make some fake barfing sounds,

And make something amazing.

And makes me late for stuff.

And maybe that's because he's never earned anything his entire life.

And merely by agreeing to an activity you're not interested in,

And Millicent is Jerry's daughter, so two bullets.

And more importantly,

And moving

And moving on to the punishment phase.

And multimedia conglomerate,

And my campaign manager and I made out a lot afterward.

And my campaign manager punched him.

And my campaign manager was Mr. belvedere.

And my chocolate supply,

And my dream collapsed. It's embarrassing, Ron.

And my herbalist took this weird bee pollen paste

And my mind occupied at all times,

And my mom broke his jaw.

And my own personal manifestos,

And my teeth hurt.

And my tongue, on this side,

And never come back.

And next thing I know, I'm looking up how slugs have sex.

And no soup in the Benz.

And no, I was not meditating. I just stood there, quietly breathing.

And nobody else.

And not just because Ben usually prefers tall brunettes.

And noticed that they wear a lot of dark colors.

And now everything's great.

And now he doesn't want to work together anymore?

And now he's president.

And now he's working for his girlfriend.

And now it's 15,000.

And now my mouth feels like a spaceship.

And now she is the literary tastemaker in the town.

And now they won't stop asking me for advice,

And now you love him more than I do.

And now, a two second awkward silence

And now, he's going to ravish my body.

And now, we're getting results in the race for City Council.

And of course I trust her.

And of murder.

And on behalf of Ben Wyatt

And on that patch of concrete,

And on the back, in rhinestones...

And on the other side are all the good things

And one day, she said,

And one of them is not.

And only $600 a bag.

And other disgusting things.

And our flash poll seems to agree.

And our relationship was like a roller coaster ride through ldiotville.

And personal.

And play and sing at the same time.

And please don't eat it 'cause it cost $55 an ounce.

And poisoning this town for years.

And pretend like you're holding me hostage.

And put it in these boxes.

And put this in...

And putting together the harvest festival,

And quit ducking the waffle question.

And re interview everyone who lives out of town.

And read this for us?

And really think about whether or not

And recently, I came to you and I told you

And remain open of mind and of spirit.

And resigned, effective immediately.

And sad.

And savvy young woman.

And say what? We didn't plan for this. What would you even say?

And see what happens.

And see where it takes us.