Parks and Recreation (2009) - Season 5 Edit

A a and...

A baby naming book.

A band.

A bastard, met a beautiful seamstress from Antwerp.

A Bat Signal, for listeners who might not know,

A birthing stick.

A bomb threat to the steakhouse.

A celebration of Pawnee's history and people.

A charity he discovered,

A child spy, sent to steal the necklace?

A city with some class, by the way.

A cool name for a dog. "Bark Obama."

A cowboy hat from your cowboyfriend.

A deer jumped in front of the car,

A department head as yourself.

A dog we're going to cook, chew, and swallow.

A dummy computer for them to steal,

A few coffee stains up front, but his canines are insane.

A few hundred favors.

A few months ago, the thought of an infectious disease,

A few months ago, you traded me your office

A fine trophy.

A flyer with details about the project,

A game is the foot.

A giant petting zoo,

A Good Guy to Lay Hard, and Argo.

A government program finally work.

A group of good friends having fun,

A group of good friends having fun,

A guy traded me his seat for a peek and a squeeze.

A gym opened, and it stayed in business.

A handicapped parking sticker from when he got gout,

A handsome gentleman.

A large neon advertisement for the Wamapoke casino?

A little bit more time to design our park.

A little grabby, either a war hero or war criminal,

A little model of the design. Why don't I bring it over,

A little something they taught us down at Quantico.

A little too quiet.

A lot of charities waste their money on overhead,

A lot of homes were very gradually flooded.

A lot of jerks around here didn't think you'd show up.

A lot of love in this room.

A lot of the stuff in my real life

A lot of them haven't had proper sex education,

A lot of time apart from you, and...

A Mail Day present by next Wednesday.

A Mail Day present by next Wednesday.

A mighty fine holiday evening to you all.

A monster farewell performance solo

A motion to construct a dog park

A new Jerry to fill that role.

A new person in the office?

A new political chat show, and we need correspondents.

A pain in my ass, and, worst of all, bubbly.

A Parks and Rec golf cart driving exam

A place where you can rent such films as Cinema Paradiso

A psychotherapist for the city.

A scathing performance review.

A scrappy group of frontiersmen and women

A small connection between you and your workers

A special role in this parade.

A story from a book I wouldn't read

A strain of avian flu.

A strange, passionate, goof ball of a woman.

A strong gentleman who fights crime nocturnally.

A Tammy Swanson for driving erratically.

A ticket stub from a Fleetwood Mac concert in 1995,

A tornado quake!

A truly depressing slate of candidates.

A vegan? A pescatarian?

A very specific syllabus.

A volunteer will represent Ted

A waffle iron for breakfast day,

A Wamapoke themed playground...

A wonderful guy who loves you and respects you

A wonderful surprise item.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Don't hurt me.

About 1/3 of the way up, and it's when construction

About a float that is in this parade,

About anyone being pregnant.

About appreciating myself.

About blah, blah, blah, or are we gonna play?

About different kinds of Indiana topsoil.

About good people doing nice things for each other.

About his history with Gayle?

About how they are going to spend their money.

About how you present yourself.

About laying people off, you watch.

About love and relationships, but it's couples like you

About my friend's womb.

About my stupid life it seems stupid.

About my time on the city council.

About parks rules and regulations?

About pear shaped women.

About speculating what the Founders meant

About the brutality of Japan's whaling industry.

About the Fun In The Sun bill,

About the parking lot at the Pawnee Commons.

About the project,

About their anachronistic use of fonts in their newsletter.

About this budget thing,

About various aspects of a myriad of relationships,

About working in the Parks department

About you waiting out here

Absolutely not.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I cannot wait

Absolutely. This is a godsend.

Abstinence only sex education law.

According to a certain set of principles,

According to a Pawnee statute passed in 1868,

According to Ann's ovulation schedule.

According to Leslie's binder,

Accumulate power, find this investor,

Achievements are great,

Acquaintances, Jerry,

Across the street?

Actually she's not the one

Actually, a farting immigrant segment would be really funny.

Actually, April, if you want,

Actually, I know what my next activity is gonna be.

Actually, I quit football senior year

Actually, I'm here to ask you out for dinner.

Actually, is there a way I could put down, like a

Actually, it may be the opposite.

Actually, it's gonna bug me if I don't.

Actually, it's not. The way the bill is drafted

Actually, Leslie, you're my boss now.

Actually, like most people from the area,

Actually, maybe you should check in on your patient.

Actually, no. I don't want to go any more.

Actually, Ron, I I could use your advice

Actually, speaking of,

Actually, that reminds me,

Actually, that sounds kind of great.

Actually, that's not true.

Actually, there is something I need to tell you.

Actually, this is Bucky.

Actually, Tommy, we need to talk.

Actually, when I went there, it was just a two year college.

Actually, yeah.

Actually, you know what?

Admittedly, they were right.

Affect my feelings towards your involvement in this project,

After 41 years,

After a bad loss.

After a beat,

After careful examination,

After I do that?

After I've had too much whiskey,

After ingesting a whole candy wrapper is down 40%

After making out with you.

After our brainstorming session.

After the first day, we realized we had made a huge mistake.

After the...yelling that occurred.

After you talked to him.

Again, all I really care about is are you better off?

Again, that is an absurd request

Again, this would all be way more satisfying if Ben was here.

Again?

Again.

Against a good, old fashioned lake dunking.

Against guys who can actually play.

Against Snerling.

Aghh!

Ah, ah, ah, me first.

Ah, councilwoman.

Ah, easy, breezy, beautiful.

Ah, ha, ha. Look at your stupid face.

Ah, he's disgusting, but I want to take his money

Ah, I'm feeling sweaty. Do I look swe

Ah, nature.

Ah, so random, right?

Ah, that guy's the best.

Ah, that's cute.

Ah, Waffle Mix.

Ah, well, fear not.

Ah, yes.

Ah, yes. My late husband.

Ah! That's horrifying.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Uhh.

Aha! A clue!

Aha. It's gone.

Alert... alert, alert, alert.

Alias my boss,

Alias my other boss

All aboard!

All better.

All construction must immediately stop.

All I care about is that I'm the same.

All I have to do is find Ron within the next few hours,

All I have to do is wait for a textbook Dwyer screw up,

All local restaurants can get healthier

All movies are online for free.

All my favorite foods have butter on 'em.

All my favorites are here.

All my life, I have tried to achieve external goals.

All of my money's in gold.

All over my favorite sweater.

All princesses all the time

All proceeds will go toward building a park.

All right, April, what's the score?

All right, Chris, here's the plan.

All right, girls, good hang.

All right, hold on one second.

All right, how about this?

All right, I got some, uh, calcium chews

All right, I have an idea. Trust me.

All right, I mean, this is getting weird,

All right, I will stop talking about your friend

All right, I'm gonna have to force this.

All right, if you'll excuse me, I found out

All right, let's begin.

All right, let's set up some boundaries

All right, let's start with the basics.

All right, listen up, pizza lovers.

All right, officers, bolt the doors.

All right, party time.

All right, Rent A Swag team,

All right, shut it down.

All right, so this is a letter

All right, so...

All right, special guest is Councilwoman Leslie Knope.

All right, tear it up, 16!

All right, thank you, guys.

All right, that's illegal.

All right, well, hey,

All right, well, Tommy feels great.

All right, what the hell.

All right, what's my first move?

All right, you know what, I see what you're doing.

All right!

All right!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Cool.

All right. Forget it.

All right. Look at that.

All right. So you can kiss your park

All set?

All set.

All taxation is theft!

All that matters is that you got married, and you're happy.

All the drinks and the food will be on us.

All the girls were into,

All the guys were into...

All the important links you need.

All the kids that shop in the store

All the new things I'm trying on my blog.

All the other councilmen used to keep a calendar

All the outdated laws in the town charter.

All the possibilities.

All the rest of it is details.

All the strong female role models in your life.

All the time.

All the times that you were like,

All the way here from Pawnee, Indiana,

All these boxes represent stuff

All these kids have fathers

All we have to do is walk outside.

All: Jerry! Thank you.

Allow me to elaborate.

Allows me to do that

Almost no weird stuff snuck out of my body last night.

Almost out of gas.

Along the path you're walking.

Already, I've done the preserves

Alright, people.

Also can you tell me what time

Also chocolates.

Also here are some reporters from the Pawnee Sun.

Also my credit card debt phase.

Also, a lawyer guy called you.

Also, do you know where my catcher's mitt is?"

Also, for the record, my unity quilt worked.

Also, here's Tom.

Also, I can't sleep, I'm overeating,

Also, I got you a lucky charm.

Also, I told the firemen they should use the lot as triage

Also, I'm innocent. Please find me a lawyer."

Also, may I say for the record, that is a dope pocket square.

Also, not safe for work.

Also, seniors can be pretty ornery.

Also, we need rings and marriage licenses.

Also...

Although maybe there's a copy of them in my office.

Although we are all sad and deeply grossed out

Although, gosh, I'm pretty sure I mentioned it a few times.

Although, if you'd like to visit Europe,

Although, yes, we did hook up.

Always taking pics.

Am I interrupting something important?

Am I right, ell bones?

Am I right?

Amazon, baby, that's how.

Ambulances are dumb.

Amen, Gladys. You're right!

America is thriving under president Nick Cannon,

Among all of these excellent journalists.

An amalgam. Nailed it.

An amount of weight equal to 800 pregnant manatees.

An athletic competition where both parties

An auction for the JJ's diner waffle iron.

An entire town claimed they weren't home.

An equal gender employment commission.

An establishment I'm no longer allowed inside.

An evening with sexy nurse Ann Perkins.

An executive meal and you're gonna get one.

An hour ago...

An old fashioned pawnshop waffle iron bidding war.

And and I can ask Shauna Malwae Tweep

And "B," I did not like her.

And "Ben Day" where we can celebrate all of ours.

And $46 million for psychological damages.

And 100% of Pawneeans are "perd verts."

And 30 minutes later,

And 384 blue files.

And a 40 pound bag of asphalt.

And a bag of peanuts,

And a cast iron waffle maker could have done the same.

And a dead mayor.

And a jacket and one of my socks.

And a Lite Brite which I got from Andy.

And a necklace that says "Wine Chick."

And a new, better one takes its place.

And a panel of experts.

And a Pawnee cultural institution will be saved.

And a pretty sweet windbreaker.

And a quilt settled

And a sled is a stupid mascot.

And a super gift.

And a sweet ass ten points for the win.

And a tank of nitrous and see what happens.

And a terrible employee and drove you to bankruptcy.

And a wonderful man.

And above everything else, I just

And after a huge win,

And after you fell asleep making Jerry's scrapbook,

And all my dreams are coming true.

And all that matters to me is whether or not

And all the other days without making us

And all the times you tried to break it off with me...

And also the people that work with me

And also, I hate working.

And Ann. I didn't even know she knew Jerry.

And another thing is if

And anything that can be penis shaped

And appreciated by all of us.

And are executed for cowardice.

And are guiding them through life.

And are you going to finish doing them?

And Article Two, aka, Ted Party Day.

And as a result, STDs are having a field day.

And as far as I'm concerned, if there's no Ulani square,

And as unrealistic and absurd as those goals were,

And baseball cards.

And be heroes.

And becomes Leslie Wyatt.

And before we start brainstorming,

And Ben and Chris.

And Bette Midler.

And brings a community together.

And brought it here, except for my bed.

And buy his business to teach him a lesson.

And buy myself a waffle sundae? Yes.

And buy pizza with Andy

And buy some more time for my park project.

And by that measure I succeeded.

And by the way, she's totally bluffing

And by the way, you should take it seriously,

And call it Pawnee, Indiana.

And cats are pointless.

And challenges that comes with it.

And Channing Tatum."

And chased off an interloping cable installer.

And check out that bod.

And come clean.

And community leaders who are protesting

And congratulations, whatever,

And considered the circle of life.

And convince Ann to wait for her own Ben level soul mate.

And could use your help on the math side of things.

And Crazy Ira's gonna be the creepy Uncle.

And created the sport "taint ball"?

And dance around the table.

And dark at nighttime.

And dearest friends...

And decide what's on and off the record on my own.

And deciding to have a baby with herself.

And definitely don't use any weird, made up words

And delicately and tenderly shown the ways

And democracy is over. Oh, my God.

And depressing.

And deviant behavior in Pawnee is up a billion percent!

And dimples are a plus.

And divert his attention.

And divorced twice.

And do everything I say.

And do Rent A Swag full time, maybe even expand.

And doglegs sharply to the left?

And don't bother trying to lie to me,

And don't ever call me "ma'am" again.

And don't ever change.

And don't use numbers.

And don't you go sneaking off.

And eat a damn banana.

And England okay and France terrible.

And even if we didn't, they probably won't find them.

And everyone will get to watch him eat

And everyone's like,

And everything I want to see everything.

And everything in betweens.

And everything in general.

And everything will be fine.

And everything's fine.

And eyewitness accounts,

And fertile government employee.

And fight people,

And file as many of these as you can.

And fill it with cold patch asphalt.

And fills your home with multi ethnic genius babies.

And find out what his deal is.

And for your hometown to treat you this way is just

And four bottles of wine.

And four years of work good bye.

And frankly, almost arousing,

And frankly, I don't see any of those citizens

And frankly, it's still really easy to score points by bashing Wyatt.

And frankly, no one could change that.

And from the new film The Shadows of Seven Heads,

And full of spiders.

And get reunited with the love of my life,

And get us the waffle iron back?

And get yourself a proper dog.

And getting nothing in return.

And getting the snacks ready,

And give it to needy people,

And give me a little privacy here, please.

And go grab us some victory steaks?

And go home to an empty life.

And go to sleep.

And go to your designated areas throughout town.

And Google "sterilization techniques."

And Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.

And Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.

And has a personal relationship with the author."

And has been staring straight ahead, doing nothing.

And have someone else dump her for me.

And have to stop developing at the site.

And hazelnuts.

And he already bought a new speedboat.

And he cuts Hannibal Lecter in half.

And he doesn't want to, and he gets weird about it,

And he fired the people who did.

And he gave me a really cool dental mirror

And he infected you and 39 others.

And he is successful and smart.

And he is the first decent candidate.

And he loves it. He thinks it's a great idea.

And he only made it for me after I specifically asked for it

And he responds to them.

And he screwed up the bus thing on purpose to slow us down.

And he took April with him as his intern.

And he tried to help it.

And he turned me down.

And he turned out to be a lying drug user.

And he was in that classic sex tape

And he was in the '96 Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks?

And he we are moving into a house together.

And he will have achieved nothing.

And he'll finally get some closure on this miserable chapter in his life.

And he'll give us his vote.

And he's better than Judy Garland.

And he's gained 100 pounds in three months.

And he's gonna tell you about it right now. Go, babe.

And he's not dating anyone.

And he's taking a really long time

And he's toast.

And he's watching old speeches to bone up or something.

And he's wearing a green tie.

And help me keep my job.

And help some kids with their pink eye,

And her husband, Marshall, is...

And Herbie Fully Loaded.

And here...we...go!

And here's your Nimbus Martini.

And hey, can you give me a ride after work?

And his family and how you don't have one.

And his inbox and his outbox and his Facebook page.

And his name's Ricky.

And his tie is green.

And how much everyone loves you and how great you're doing.

And how they were all total losers

And I accidentally got the government involved

And I already committed to that.

And I am April Blart, mall cop.

And I am certain that you will literally be

And I am going to take all of them.

And I am in terrible shape, but I can already do this...

And I am leaving, just like you're gonna leave Ann alone.

And I am proud to call you my friend,

And I am ready to spend an amount

And I am so happy for you.

And I am still taking your calls

And I am the spoiled only daughter of Adolf.

And I ask him to plant the ficuses,

And I asked Chris to donate his sperm.

And I believe you can accomplish anything.

And I can control animals with my mind.

And I can point it in people's faces.

And I can't keep referring to basketball players

And I can't stop thinking about it,

And I can't tell you what it means to me

And I checked with all the girls over there.

And I come back.

And I cracked the bottom of the toilet bowl.

And I cut its feet off and made it into a lucky charm.

And I didn't get to choose the bar.

And I do not deviate from them.

And I don't believe in bailouts.

And I don't care about the letter.

And I don't care about the Paunch Burger.

And I don't even usually like Puerto Rican chicks.

And I don't know how to ask him.

And I don't know what I'm gonna do.

And I don't mean to rush you, but the vote is in an hour.

And I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that.

And I encourage you all to do the same,

And I feel fine.

And I feel like the emptiness of my stomach

And I figured it'd be nice to put the ice town thing behind me once and for all.

And I get a gun,

And I got us all on the list.

And I gotta say, I kinda dig that.

And I guarantee that none of them had as cute a butt as you do.

And I had nothing better to do.

And I hate talking to people.

And I have a penis on my head.

And I have already broken that promise five times.

And I have already written a ballot measure

And I have an idea

And I have decided to ask him

And I have to cast a vote,

And I have to walk away.

And I have you.

And I heard something very interesting.

And I hope you get into veterinary school

And I just found out that... I got in.

And I just want to say congratulations

And I just want to say thank you.

And I kinda wish Jean Ralphio wasn't here.

And I know everyone says it, but I sincerely hope

And I know he plays that obnoxious character

And I know this makes the future a little murky,

And I know you all think it's just a useless tabloid,

And I like others to do the same.

And I look up, and what do I see?

And I love it.

And I love me for thinking of it.

And I love my friends.

And I made him stick to his word.

And I met Jim Irsay.

And I move that Animal Control be absorbed into Parks and Rec.

And I need her here.

And I need you to be happy drinking.

And I need you to give, like, even a 15% effort.

And I never had any "management training" course.

And I object to your ridiculous proposal.

And I predicted that I would learn nothing

And I quote, "Minimal acceptable standards."

And I realized that, this whole time,

And I really like her.

And I really liked that unity quilt.

And I really respect your grace under pressure,

And I really want to do a good job, and I blew it.

And I said, "Absolutely."

And I said, "Would I?"

And I said, rules or no rules,

And I say that as one of your closest colleagues

And I should know.

And I should take my time.

And I suppose I need to feel

And I talked to the other Teds in town,

And I think it stinks.

And I think of him in many ways as a daughter,

And I think we could really use you

And I think we should take it.

And I think you're smart,

And I thought we could do that thing where we pretend the egg is a kid for a day.

And I thought you might also like to know

And I threw a rock at it, and it exploded.

And I took everything I own in my house

And I try not to think

And I walked around the building four times.

And I want back in if you'll let me.

And I want to think about anything else but that,

And I want to write about it.

And I wanted a good stable job,

And I was escorting them out of the building.

And I was going to play that while I gave my presentation.

And I was just explaining to April

And I was left with those three guys.

And I was mistaken for Beverly D'Angelo

And I was the young rafting instructor

And I was thinking, like,

And I was very into that.

And I watch their melting flesh drip off their worthless faces!

And I will buy it from you, but never do that again.

And I will get Invisaligns from you.

And I will handle Tammy.

And I will have catfish and grits,

And I will wear it proudly, like a badge of honor.

And I work here.

And I would like to dedicate this first song...

And I would miss you while you're gone.

And I, for one, refuse to let her turn this town

And I'd like to that's it right there.

And I'll be back shortly.

And I'll have the number eight.

And I'll help Tom or maybe try to do that TV thing

And I'll start now.

And I'll take your car

And I'll talk to him really slowly.

And I'm $46 under budget.

And I'm about to go eat some lasagna.

And I'm alone.

And I'm calling you to rub it in!

And I'm definitely bringing it up

And I'm delighted to have you here.

And I'm down to clown.

And I'm feeling pretty generous, so why don't we

And I'm feeling very raw from my therapy.

And I'm furious too.

And I'm glad that you came right out and said it.

And I'm going to tell my Daddy

And I'm going to use it

And I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.

And I'm gonna make a list

And I'm gonna talk to Ron.

And I'm gonna throw it away.

And I'm hoping to parlay this into a membership

And I'm in.

And I'm just realizing now that it's not tea.

And I'm missing $9.

And I'm not going to wait around.

And I'm obsessing about it,

And I'm planning to kick your ass,

And I'm playing football with my friends.

And I'm proud of what I've done.

And I'm simply gonna explain to the crowd that love is everywhere

And I'm sorry, sir, but you have to be under 40

And I'm sorry.

And I'm sure that it's not easy

And I've got to hand it to you

And I've won.

And if I vote against it,

And if I were, you shouldn't lift me up.

And if it doesn't, I hope it works out with someone.

And if she murders me,

And if so, why?

And if they don't want to drink our delicious sodas,

And if we had a boy,

And if you don't do it, I swear to God,

And if you don't get out of here soon,

And if you don't like how I tweet, don't follow me.

And if you don't, I'll just divorce you

And if you have any further questions...

And if you want, I can write up an official report

And if you were particularly amped up about a project,

And in return you can give us

And in small doses, it can help.

And in the same bed.

And in the spirit of reconciliation,

And inconsiderate

And instead, he attacked me twice.

And it didn't.

And it does not budge.

And it is across the courtyard

And it is an honor to meet you,

And it is not Tom...

And it just seems unfair to put boundaries on it.

And it literally broke my heart

And it makes me sad,

And it needs to knock people on their butts,

And it needs to transcend the genre of roast comedy.

And it ruins our friendship?

And it sucked.

And it turned to crummy, and I have to undo it.

And it was 180 degrees,

And it was his dream to eat here.

And it was nice to see you again.

And it will be good for the community

And it'll produce double the amount of electricity.

And it's it's nauseating.

And it's 120 degrees out with 200% humidity,

And it's a biggie.

And it's a nonconflict diamond.

And it's all thanks to Leslie Knope.

And it's also weird because we dated

And it's because the Animal Control Department

And it's down to me and some other turd munchers.

And it's dredging up a lot of stuff for him.

And it's like, "Hold up,

And it's not like we failed.

And it's not me. It's Andy.

And it's pretty amazing

And it's probably a little too expensive.

And it's the tits!

And it's time that we purged the books

And it's trash.

And it's water.

And it's well within my fiscal range.

And it's zone 14B, industrial waste clean up site.

And Jamm's definitely going to win.

And Jerry has had 40 years whiz past him

And just forged and shaped the rings.

And just had sex.

And just let me cook in peace?

And just our history as a nation.

And keep it out of direct sunlight.

And Ken Burns never wrote me back.

And kids

And Kim asked me if I liked

And landed in a bunch of garbage.

And Lee Janzen.

And left me a very loud message on my cell phone.

And let the words just float away into the fresh air,

And let Vern become director. He does have good teeth.

And listen to Ron spout off unrelated facts

And listening to Bonnie Raitt

And look at that art.

And Louis Vuitton for making some dope ass cravats.

And make it on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire

And make it work.

And make White Russians. So fun.

And making our communities better?

And many social occasions that you're gonna have to attend,

And marry someone else

And maybe a silent auction to raise money.