Vampire's Kiss (1988) Edit

A bad cold.

A bad cold.

A bat?

A change?

A cold.... Yeah.

A girl at the office. I just lost control.

A real vampire.

Actually, I live up right around here.

Actually, she's just leaving.

All I'm gonna do this weekend is stay home and sleep.

All right, Alva. That's Frank Heatherton on the phone. For me.

All right, Frank Heatherton wants a copy of the first contract he had...

All right.

All right.

All right. And Judy, send Alva in here right now.

Also, I....

Alva, I didn't see Did you find that Heatherton contract?

Alva?

Alva?

Alva.

Alvie?

Alvie?

Am I getting through to you?

Am right?

And he is realizing...

And he is realizing...

And I just wonder if maybe....

And I know that's a long time before either I was here or you were here...

And I swear I'm gonna use my gun if you ever touch me.

And in the middle of it, he asked me....

And on that note....

And she got the hell out of there.

And the one that's made of big brown stones.

And then I'll be happy.

And then, he took me on one of those horse and carriage rides.

And what about you?

And yet, just the night before....

And you call yourself a psychiatrist.

And you have to do it. You have to.

Are you actually going to go through with this every night?

Are you all right, sir? Sure? Are you?

Are you crazy?

Arthur Hesse on 0 1.

Because it's my fault you feel that way.

Better be a hell of a good reason.

Better get back into your coffin, buddy. The sun's almost up.

Both of us?

Buddy, caIm down.

But I couIdn't find it.

But I know how worried you were about losing Mr. Heatherton as a client.

But it will be there.

But that doesn't mean we're gonna stop trying to do the best damn job we can.

But the police, what if they find me?

But then she left the room and I was....

But what about the robbery? When those Spics came here to rob?

But why should I be so surprised.

But you haven't found it yet.

But you know, you still haven't found that contract yet, have you?

But you said just a few seconds before you were in the throes of passion.

Christ, 10 minutes I'm with you and the shit just starts right up.

Christ, where am I?

Christ!

Christ.

Come here!

Come on to the back.

Come on, now. Breakfast is on the table.

Come on, now. Don't do that. I have go to work.

Come on, Sharon.

Come on.

Crazy Jesus.

Damn it! Help me!

Did she?

Did you get that joke?

Did you hurt yourseIf?

Do I get waited on today? I'm sitting here for 15 minutes.

Do I get waited on today? I'm sitting here for 15 minutes.

Do it or I'll fire you. Do you understand?

Do it, Alva.

Do it, goddamn it!

Do you have anything for less?

Do you know how horrible it is to see it around you every day?

Do you know what kind of torture that is?

Do you realize that?

Do you think it's okay if we stop for a second?

Do you want to talk about it?

Does it make you feel a little insecure when I'm saying....

Does it?

Does that mean you win?

Don't come near me!

Don't hang up, please. This is Peter.

Don't laugh.

Don't take it so hard, sis.

Don't you ever call me again.

Don't you think it would be a good idea to stay late?

Don't you use that kind of language in front of me.

Don't you want to use your gun?

Door to door service, madam. On me.

Dream of me, my angel.

Dream of me.

Dream of me.

Either shut up and leave the acting lessons for home or go back to the ladies' room.

Entirely. From my point of view, that is.

Every other secretary who's been here has been here longer than you. Every one.

Extremely antisocial behavior.

Fantastic.

Fine.

Fireball.

Frank Heatherton on 0 3.

Fuck you!

Fucking cleaned me right out.

Fucking greasehole!

Get out of here!

Get the fuck off me!

Get the hell out of here, you fucking pig!

Get up, motherfucker!

Get up.

Go away.

Go on. Get out. Both of you. Out.

God, the telephone company.

God!

Goddamn it, what did I just say?

Goddamn you, fuck. Cocksuckers!

Good morning.

Good.

Got a little upset...

Great. Okay. I'll see you then. Bye bye.

Have a wonderful Iife together and I will take care of the cops.

He can stretch himself from here to Ethiopia if he wants to.

He hasn't even been arrested and the big lug is carrying on.

He is so eccentric.

He is wondering:

He scared them off with blanks. That's all he has here is blanks.

Hell, I see it around me every day.

Hello, Dr. Glaser? This is Peter Loew.

Hello, you have reached Peter.

Hello?

Hello?

Here you go.

Hey, buddy!

Hey, now.

Hey, what's doin'?

Hey.

Hi.

High schooI.

His most passionate mistress.

Holy shit, then I'll be happy.

Holy shit.

How can I take home a girl who works for the phone company?

How could somebody misfile something?

How do I know he hasn't gotten a copy of it?

How ever are you going to continue this way?

How much nicer when the outside worId doesn't interfere with the pleasure.

How's things? Life treating you well?

I almost forgot.

I already looked in the files under ''Heatherton.''

I am not going to work today, Mommy.

I am not in at the moment, but if you leave your name...

I am not in at the moment, but if you leave your name...

I apologized and I honestly meant it.

I brought this girl up to my place the other night.

I can do it.

I can prove it.

I can see it in your actions.

I can't for a couple of hours.

I can't take it anymore!

I cannot possibly tell you that.

I checked in the back files under ''Heatherton''...

I could squeeze you in on Monday afternoon. Can you make that?

I couldn't think of a more horrible job if I wanted to.

I did **** someone a couple of nights ago.

I didn't mean....

I don't believe I ever really loved her, you know.

I don't know who exactIy.

I don't know.

I don't save the amount I put in the other account.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

I don't...

I feel funny talking on the phone about this.

I finally found....

I forgot. Where did we leave off?

I found the contract.

I got some cheapie. Plastic ones.

I got up, took a shower, made myseIf coffee.

I gotta take a piss.

I guess I was pretty horny.

I guess I'm gonna have to look under the Der Spiegel files.

I guess not. Thank you so much.

I guess you two won't be needing me anymore.

I had a feeling that was the case. And that's why I came all the way up here.

I had a very good reason for doing what I did.

I hate interrupted love affairs, don't you?

I hate my boss, but do I stay home and cry about it?

I have a gun.

I have an opening Tuesday morning. How's that?

I heard you were sick.

I just shelled out almost fifty bucks to get you back here.

I just thought I should tell you, okay?

I knew you could keep our passion a secret.

I know I can do it now.

I know it isn't easy. But I know it's possible.

I know what you're thinking.

I know you're trying to run an efficient office

I know. I did it once.

I know. Mommy, but you....

I know. Really badly.

I like poetry, horseback riding...

I love you.

I love you.

I love your earrings.

I mean I'm talking about a mature relationship.

I mean, I came down.

I mean, I thought you said that...

I mean, I'm fighting this bat off all alone, and I'll be damned if I didn't get...

I mean, you just keep harping and harping...

I mean, you know, if I ever do.

I never found the right woman, that's all.

I really can't handle these relationships.

I said I love you.

I should have matched you two guys up a long time ago.

I think I'd Iike to be the carpenter in Raise High the Roofbeam.

I think she deserves it, Sidney. You can take it out of Attila's paycheck.

I think your profession is entirely bogus.

I thought you said that you didn't care if Mr. Heatherton left the agency.

I toId you that I already checked those files. I already checked them.

I turned into a vampire. It's a long story.

I want to explain about the other day. There was a reason....

I want to know, really. Who did?

I wanted her to be the hell out of there.

I wanted her, same as aIways, I wanted her to disappear.

I was a little drunk.

I was also thinking today...

I was born in Philadelphia...

I was drunk, too.

I was in mortal combat with a fucking bat! Gimme a break.

I was remembering....

I wonder if I could make my next appointment with you sooner.

I wonder what Alva's doing today.

I'd had a little to drink.

I'd like to make it sooner.

I'd really like to make it sooner.

I'll be at the station today, you want to talk.

I'll call you when I'm all settled in. Okay?

I'll find it for myseIf.

I'll find it, goddamn it.

I'll go right to it.

I'll just go and check.

I'll never do that again. Jeez.

I'll see ya.

I'll take the plastic.

I'm a professional. I don't laugh.

I'm a vampire!

I'm a vampire.

I'm a vampire.

I'm going through the files. But I have a million other things to do.

I'm here to call a truce, man.

I'm in the middle of moving, so take your time.

I'm late. Now, get dressed and get your little ass into the city.

I'm leaving. It's 5:00.

I'm like you. Remember?

I'm not talking about fairy tale love.

I'm Peter Loew.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure he's calling about the Der Spiegel contract...

I'm telling Mr. Langdon about this.

I'm the director of personnel.

I've been thinking about my depressions very seriously.

I've never misfiled anything!

If a company....

If a literary agency...

If he wants to go to another agency, fine.

If I'd known you had a fucking roommate....

If you don't like it, I'll send out. I do it all the time.

If you had told me, if you had just told the good doctor....

Inconceivable? Jesus Christ. I must be a real disappointment to you.

Incredible.

Is it something very urgent?

Is my name written anywhere on the bathroom wall, and what did it say?

It can't be.

It doesn't appear that way at all.

It doesn't appear that way.

It doesn't look like it. Does it, DonaId?

It is a very fat file and nothing is in order and it will take hours.

It makes it much harder to find.

It never just goes away.

It seems that's the first foreign sale he's ever had...

It was all right. You know. It was nothing earth shattering.

It's a horrible job.

It's a load off my mind.

It's all from a very unhappy period in my Iife...

It's all in the past now.

It's all right.

It's all right.

It's fucking Tuesday. I still don't see it here.

It's gonna take some digging. I'm sure you and your girls got better things to do.

It's horrible when there are tensions between employer and employee.

It's impossibIe.

It's inconceivable to me that you liked that.

It's incredible.

It's just a little id release. No use in worrying.

It's just that...

It's just, there's this contract we're trying to locate.

It's kinda bright in here, isn't it?

It's more Iike $700. Right, Peter?

It's not too late.

It's the same all around.

Jackie?

Judy, I'll be out for the rest of the day.

Just a little touch of yellow, so they blend in better.

Just cut myseIf shaving.

Just give me a few minutes. I'll be right back.

Just once.

Just once.

Just tell me when you see him.

Kill me!

Leave me alone.

Leave me the fuck alone!

Let go of me, you fuck!

Let's just say 9:00. Mondo Cane.

Let's meet. Can you? Tonight?

Let's say I put $2,000 in the IRA.

Let's see.

Listen, I won't hold you.

Listen, young lady. You can't afford to lose that job.

Literature.

Look, you ain't even supposed to be carrying this thing around.

Look, you know I'm very fond of you. I didn't mean to hurt you.

Look.

Love?

Maybe work a little overtime?

Maybe....

Me vampire!

Me!

Monday morning.

Mr. Heatherton is boiling mad.

Mr. Loew, are you there?

Mr. Loew, I found it.

Mr. Loew?

Mr. Loew? I found the contract.

Mr. Loew.

Mr. Loew...

My boss is a bastard.

My eyes are killing me.

My goodness.

My little literary genius.

My name's Gary. What's yours?

My next appointment with you is Tuesday afternoon, right?

My, my, my.

Nice.

No comments on my coffee, please.

No, that's not true really.

No!

No!

No! Don't.

No.

No.

No. I'm sorry.

No. That's not his name. It's Lighter Brown.

Not hungry.

Not once! Not one time!

Not the floor. Me!

Nothing like a little office trauma to keep things interesting.

Now get out of here, the both of you.

Now, is that an elaborate gesture or what?

Now, the story was sold in 1963.

Now, these are fiberglass.

Of every single contract it makes with a client...

Oh, God, where am I?

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Okay.

Old Man Randolph, he throws fits all the time.

One question, Peter.

Or I'll fire you. Do you understand?

Personality wise, I think you two are made for each other.

Peter, Joel Reznick on 0 2.

Peter.

Peter.

PIease find it and bring it to me.

Pistachio?

PIus I was horny.

Please leave your name....

Please? I'm asking you, Emilio.

Please.

Please.

Please. Don't **** me.

Please. Don't!

Plus, I get interest on the $2,000 in the other account.

Plus, look. Soup!

Police?

Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z.

Rachel.

Rachel.

Randolph don't even keep real bullets in his gun.

**** you? I will.

Really hot, you know. And we're on the bed.

Really?

Refreshing!

Remember this? I want you to give me bullets for it.

Right away, sir.

Right now what's most important is your health.

Right.

Seems I didn't have to do a song and dance after all.

Sharon.

Sharon...

Sharon....

She asked me for a raise for getting chased into the ladies' room.

She asked me for a raise. Can you believe it?

She called in sick today.

She complains of exactly the same thing you do.

She does keep a gun in that little bag of hers.

She hires those incompetents. Oh, no!

She said she had a very bad cold.

She takes the subway into Pelham every night, I don't blame the kid.

She took the hint. She woke up, you were fully dressed, ready to go to work.

She was just a fucking high school cunt.

She's a goddamn vampire! She made me one, too!

She's tired, I guess.

Shoot.

Shouldn't....

Sifting through old contract after old contract.

So long, Dr. Glaser.

So, what do you say? You wanna come to work?

So. How was your weekend?

So. Why do you have your coat on?

Sometimes somebody puts a document in the wrong file, and then it's misfiled.

Sometimes the pressures, they just build up.

Somewhere.

Sooner.

Sorry. I must have misunderstood. I'm gonna get right to it.

Starting with your earliest years when you...

Stay away!

Stay away!

Stay away!

Stay away!

Stay out.

Stop it now! Come on!

Suddenly, this bat comes swooping down out of nowhere.

Sure. Alva, Mr. Loew would like to see you.

Sweet dreams, my angel.

Taxi!

Tell him I'm out. In fact, tell anyone who calls I'm out.

Tell me what happened.

Tell me.

Tell me.

Thank God it's Friday. That's all I've got to say.

Thank you.

Thanks, Judy.

That doesn't mean I'm gonna save $2,000 at income tax time.

That goddamn contract...

That I have to do because you haven't done your job.

That may be, but some things just take time.

That mescaline does strange stuff.

That was it.

That was so clever of you. ''Mescaline.''

That's all you have to do!

That's an excuse not to go to work?

That's Brownstone Man.

That's how I know that today, by God...

That's my baby.

That's right.

That's right.

The big ''L.''

The money the both of you could have saved.

The patient who comes in after you.

The time you could have saved.

The tortures of the damned!

The way I feel is, the hell with Frank Heatherton, you know?

Then give me the fucking blanks.

Then, yes. That is the precise order of events.

There are 15 Der Spiegel files. It's all I do all day.

There he is.

There he is.

There is absolutely no rush on that. I know it's an old contract.

There is no one else in this entire office...

There's a.... Never mind.

There's no problem then. Is there?

There's no way in hell...

There's work and there's love.

They're only $3.50.

This is my kingdom, and my palace is but two blocks from here.

This is the end!

This part, I don't know if this really happened or I dreamt it later.

This?

This?

Those are exactIy the same things that I like.

Those were the days.

To make the job easier.

To make the job easier.

Truce?

Truce.

UnempIoyment. Can you live with that?

Vampire, you idiot. Nosferatu.

Very good. You know your alphabet.

Very lifelike.

Very urgent, yes.

Wait a minute.

Wait till you get into a position of authority.

Wait.

Wanna join me?

Watch yourself.

We are not in need of coach service, my lady.

We just got these in.

Well fuck you, too, sister.

Well, absolutely, love.

Well, do you like it?

Well, I'm....

Well, it's true.

Well, Peter...

Well, the fact is, I did murder someone last night.

Well, Well....

What a beautiful name.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What could be easier? It's all alphabetical.

What did you have in mind for yourself?

What do you mean? Who?

What the fuck is going on?

What the hell is he doing in here?

What was it you really wanted?

What?

What?

What?

What? I can hardly hear you through this window.

What's good is it'll scare the shit out of them if any motherfucker...

What's that?

What's the matter with you?

What's the matter, baby?

What's the matter?

What's the matter?

Where is that little cunt?

Whisper it to me. Just once.

Who are you?

Who is it?

Who would be interested?

Who's there?

Whoever filed it in the first place, but....

Why don't you come in first thing Monday morning and I'll come into the office early.

Wordsworth.

Would you stop worrying and just get on with your big romance.

Written in the stars, yes.

Yeah, well you can forget about getting back to this girl.

Yeah?

Yeah? Well, listen to me, okay? This guy is very weird. I'm telling you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah....

Yeah....

Yes, Mr. Loew.

Yes, Mr. Loew.

Yes, Peter, how are you?

Yes, right! Peter!

Yes, very real love.

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Okay. I know.

Yes....

You all right, honey?

You all right, pal?

You all right?

You are a gem.

You are married man?

You are so pathetic.

You are with me.

You awake?

You awake?

You better hope you make it worth it to me.

You can't get through the day without thinking about me, can you?

You can't just walk away.

You chose me.

You disgust me.

You don't just walk out on somebody like that. You bastard.

You don't know what you're doing, damn it!

You don't let up, do you, cunt?

You fuck! Fuck you!

You fucking cocksuckers, fucks....

You fucking cunt!

You gave it to me. What good is it if I can't use it?

You got a gun?

You hate my guts?

You have reached the office of Dr. Dorothy Glaser.

You just put it in the right file, according to alphabetical order.

You know how many peopIe hate their boss?

You know what you have to do.

You know...

You like that tune?

You made it sound as though it were something more than sexual.

You said you wouldn't laugh.

You see that? We're on exactly the same wavelength.

You see, I know I am. I'm a vampire.

You see, I'm not really sick.

You son of a bitch.

You started to tell me about this strange feeling you had...

You wanna come up? You can join me.

You wanna get together tonight? Meet somewhere?

You wanna go home? You wanna leave?

You wanted her very badly?

You wanted very much to make an earlier appointment, so what's up?

You were fighting off the bat...

You were very sure about it last weekend. It made a very strong impression.

You weren't there for the grand finale.

You will. You're a very bright girl.

You'll get no more money from your father and me.

You're completeIy with me.

You're in the goddamn crapper, and I'm trying to take a dump.

You're kidding.

You're like me now, my angel.

You're with me now.

Your rosary beads.

7:30, All right?

7:30, Monday morning.

9:00.

15 years, keeps me going.

All right. Hurry up, honey.

all right. Bye bye, Frank. Bye.

Are you all right? Shut up, bitch.

But why is it too late? It's too late.

Did you get it out? Let's go.

Did you? Just once, in high schooI.

Do it. I will.

Do you like Japanese food, Sharon? It's the best. So....

Do you think the worId is going to stop? Yeah, I guess.

Don't, please. You're fired!

Get out of here. Really!

He asked you what? To marry him.

He asked you what? To marry him.

Hello. Dr. Glaser.

Here you go. I hear it's very beautiful country up there.

I don't know. Maybe. I really believe it.

I hate him. Yes, ''I hate him, I hate him.''

I know. So then you were aroused.

I'm in a meeting. Are you all right?

It's not too late. Too late!

It's too late, Alva. It's all too late. Oh, my God.

Misfiled? Yes, misfiled.

No. Now!

No. We said him already. No. The Rubber Man.

Put that away. Why?

See her teeth? Shut up!

See you on Tuesday. Bye bye.

Sharon? Yes.

She go out last night? I don't know.

She's a goddamn vampire! No!

Shit. Shoo.

So, how are you? How am I?

Tell him I'm in a meeting. Yes, Mr. Loew.

The missing link, yes? No. We already said him.

This one's going to last, I can tell. It was written in the stars.

This place is driving me crazy. Morning everyone.

Two. Yeah.

Well, I guess my time is up. We have a couple more minutes.

Well, what? Nothing.

With the girl? Yes, with the girl.

Yeah, Frank. Good. Well, take care, old buddy.

Yes, I suppose it should. It should, right?

Yes. Right?

You can't? I can't.

You don't? I don't.

You know, A, B, C, D, E, F, G. Peter.

You play chess? Yeah, excellentIy.

You were aroused? Yeah.

...after I sucked that broad bone dry!

...and ''Rattlesnake Hills,'' Iike you said.

...and I don't want to talk about it.

...and that's when you had this new feeling?

...and then puts it in a file...

...as long as you were around.

...at the office.

...be in that file?

...but I am asking you to go through the entire Der Spiegel fiIe.

...but I've been in New York now for going on 10 years.

...but there is no reason why the agency shouldn't have a copy of it.

...comes close enough to spit on you.

...everything took time.

...for the sale of his short story...

...he will terminate his agreement with us...

...he works in that gas station over there.

...I still wouldn't ask that person to partake in such a miserable job...

...I was supposed to give some money to my brother, and...

...I'll get back to you just as soon as I can. Thank you.

...in the appropriate file....

...is somewhere in those goddamn fucking files.

...is the day you're gonna find that damned Heatherton contract.

...it's just too late.

...it's just too late.

...it's time for a change.

...lately...

...over the same goddamn thing.

...Rattlesnake Hills...

...really know what you're talking about. I don't remember.

...Really turned on.

...Really, I was just afraid to go back to the office without the contract.

...requesting the copy of Rattlesnake Hills' sale to Der SpiegeI.

...so I could tell you I think it was wrong the way I treated you yesterday.

...something that wasn't even halfway attainable.

...that he let her in, as she is his lover.

...that I would ever marry a loudmouth pig like you.

...that I would ever marry a loudmouth pig like you.

...that maybe you could put somebody else on the job for a while.

...that she is a jealous mistress.

...this is Peter Loew.

...to Der Spiegel.

...Vivaldi and long weekends in the country.

...when this bat flew through the window of your apartment.

...which he still hasn't gotten.

...why don't we begin where we left off last week?

...wife?

...your number and a brief message...

''by the moonlight have all passed away

''Does this mean we can never have chiIdren?''

''Gone are the cares of....''

''He'll come crawling back here in no time.''

''heard in the day''

''How did she get in here?''

''If you got the time to lean, you got the time to clean.''

''List while I woo thee

''queen of my heart

''Shoo?''

''Sounds of the bluebird

''Sure. Let's see him go out in the jungle and try to find love.

''We walked along, while bright and red Uprose the rising sun''

''Why did you become a vampire?'' ''Why couldn't you be normal?''

''with soft melody

$44.50 only.