Benny & Joon (1993) Edit

A group home is the right thing for her, Benny.

A little too good.

A lovely motorist, stranded.

About how Joon is gonna fit in.

Ah. Wonderful. OK.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she says to me: do I need her?

All right, all right, all right. Yeah, I'll be there. OK.

All right, can we make this the last hand?

All right, Mike. You wanna play like that? I'll take him.

All right.

Although, for grilled cheese, I might've used the wool setting.

An emergency...

And about Sam, I was wrong. I was dead wrong.

And am now living with Benny and Joon Pearl, two devoted new friends.

And had it been right on the nose.

And I just kept seeing...

And I...

And if I can't have him, no one can.

And now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen.

And seems pleased with me so far.

And the dealer takes...

And we've done just fine, the two of us, for 12 years.

And you kicked him out for that?

And... just make sure that nothin', and you know I mean nothin',

Anything on it?

Are you?

Are... you know.

Because you're an idiot.

Benny, don't get me wrong.

Benny, I'll get fired!

Benny, why don't you go home? Get some sleep.

Benny, would you come inside a moment?

Benny...

Benny's predisposition to hypertense Irish monologists notwithstanding,

Beware, the winds of reason shall blow stern.

Box of 30 aught 6 cartridges.

Brad? Brad?

But a group home would let her develop other relationships.

But the better ones I can book out of town.

But the thing is, she's really doin' fine. She seems content.

But we could share it. Like joint custody.

But you are my sister, Cindy.

But you do not belong in here.

But, I mean, don't worry about it.

But, uh...

By now, Joon would be in a caring and controlled environment.

By The Proclaimers)

By The Proclaimers)

Bye bye.

Bye.

Can I get you anything?

Can I... Can I tell you somethin'?

Carburetor trouble. Better investigate.

Cindy!

Classical Greek martini shaker.

Co star of The Prom Queen Mutilator with Dick Beebee.

Come down! Sam!

Come here. Come here.

Come on in. Come on in.

Come on, come on. Play cards.

Come on! We can't play three handed poker.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. You gotta play to find out.

D'you ever get to the point in your life where nothin' makes any sense?

Dear Mom, I've departed Mike's with love and gratitude

Define alone.

Did you have to go to school for that?

Did you leave the house alone?

Did you see the way you had everyone in the palm of your hand?

Did you see those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff?

Do it? What?

Do you got any avocados?

Do you have any tapioca?

Do you like avocados?

Do you realize you could be the next Buster Keaton?

Do you... Do you want to come in for a while?

Don't underestimate the mentally ill. We know how to count.

Don't worry about it, but don't answer.

Don't worry. They were with me, running some errands.

Don't you touch me! Don't touch me!

Don't... Don't touch it.

Either you're not gettin' fuel or you're not gettin' fire.

Fat and juicy.

First, it was Mrs. Larkspur.

Fortunately he consulted me before giving it steam.

Get out of my sight!

Gimme a break, Benny. I just offered you a beer, OK?

God.

Good night, Steve.

Good night.

Gotta make those ends meet, you know.

Great. Hey, maybe he can tell Joon about the group home, huh?

Happens to her.

Have a nice day.

Have we an internal sequin issue to deal with, Benjamin?

Having a Boo Radley moment, are we?

He cleaned the house.

He didn't mean to do it.

He has given me a job as a domestic engineer

He is... He's incredible.

He just... He just left.

He was bluffing about bluffing.

He was mine. He was mine!

He was... He was...

He's a cute guy with a little mole on his right cheek.

He's not my Smail.

He's ravin' about you.

Hello? Joon?

Here it is. It's right here.

Here's a hat.

Hey, believe me, it's only temporary.

Hey, Benny, wait a minute! Where are you going? Come here! Gimme a jump! Hey!

Hey, Benny.

Hey, Benny. Joon's on the phone again.

Hey, come on, slow down.

Hey, pal, we're tryin' to work here, if you don't mind.

Hey, Sam, come on! Get down, right now!

Hey, wait! Wally! Wait! Wait!

Hey, watch the door.

Hey.

Highway stretchin' out...

Hm... I don't know.

Hold tight. OK. Shh. It's OK.

Holy shit.

Housekeeper, whatever.

How is she? Tell me the truth.

How long have you known him?

How much longer can you do this to yourself?

How would you like to try livin' in your own apartment?

How you doin'?

I am not crazy.

I am not takin' this guy home.

I am not!

I am not! I am not! I am not!

I can talk to her. You can't quit on such short notice.

I can't be worried about you knocking another housekeeper into retirement.

I can't have a relationship without havin' to worry

I can't say I'm a big supporter of the raisin council.

I didn't mean to kick him out. I mean, I didn't kick him out, he just left.

I do know... that I am tired of everyone telling me what to do.

I don't hate you.

I don't know exactly what I want.

I don't know, Benny. I got food to deliver, apartments to rent...

I don't know. All I know is I looked at you and I said

I don't think I've asked anybody the time before

I don't think you're supposed to be here.

I got a solution to your housekeeper problem. You can have my roommate.

I got the doors.

I gotta figure out the best way to tell her.

I gotta get goin'. I better get goin', OK?

I hate you!

I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you.

I have every right to be outside, Officer.

I hope you're happy.

I know he doesn't want to be a housekeeper for the rest of his life.

I know just who you are!

I know that.

I know.

I know. That's amazing.

I like snorkeling. She likes garlic.

I lost.

I love you.

I may not be responsible for what I'm gonna do to him, but I'll take him.

I mean, I can't even keep a goldfish alive. What chance do I have with Joon?

I mean, picture yourself on the open road.

I promise I'll keep in touch.

I should probably go.

I spend my life workin' on cars and takin' care of my sister.

I take it you haven't talked to her about it.

I think I need a beer.

I think I want to try living in my own apartment.

I think it's time you gave some serious consideration to a group home.

I think we need to find someone more understanding than Mrs. Smail.

I think you'd better let me drive you home.

I thought he was bluffin'.

I used to look up to you.

I was against it.

I wasn't that good of an actress.

I will. I'll keep tryin'. But I gotta tell you honestly, I don't think so.

I wish he could be my new Smail.

I, ...

I...

I'd love to help you out, but Garvey's gonna be in there to check on her soon.

I'd love to see him tonight.

I'd never ever be able to forgive myself.

I'll call back. Find out what she wants.

I'll let you know.

I'll see you at six, OK? Bye.

I'll see you with a Deanna Durbin album.

I'm afraid the best we can do for you is gonna be...

I'm beggin' you, as a friend.

I'm Benny.

I'm done! The mule's turned to glue!

I'm gonna check you out, OK?

I'm her brother, and I'm her only family.

I'm just gonna hang out here for a while.

I'm just takin' her out to dinner.

I'm not farming her out.

I'm not gonna charge you for labor.

I'm not. No, no, I'm not.

I'm sorry about me and Brad.

I'm sorry I was such a jerk.

I'm sorry, sir. In Ireland, we have a sayin'.

I'm sorry. She doesn't want any visitors.

I'm tellin' you, Randy. Listen. You've got to see this guy.

I'm through makin' those decisions for you.

I'm too serious.

I've been known to play a little cards.

I've been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him?

If she runs hot and cold on you, just ignore it.

If somethin' bad happened to her, I'd...

If you'd like to fill out this application, I'll be right with you.

If you're worried about a new Smail, don't worry, we'll get a new Smail.

In a minute. Meet me in the office.

In that order?

In the air and, and, and...

Is that a fact?

It just happened.

It was really loud.

It's a shame about raisins.

It's for Joon.

It's gonna be $750.

It's late. Let's brush your teeth and hair.

It's not my tree.

It's OK.

It's paint.

It's sick. They make them sing and dance so people will eat them.

It's you, Ruthie Mallenek,

Jeez, I've heard a lot of lines in my life...

Jesus, Benny. What kind of a question is that?

Joon called. You've run out of tapioca.

Joon tells me he's a man.

Joon, dinner!

Joon, we want what's best for you.

Joon, will you please glue your sequins?

Joon?

Joon?

Joon.

Joon.

Joon.

Joon... and...

Juniper Pearl's chart, please.

Kirk Douglas. Van Gogh. Ear.

Lava lamp.

Let me know when you want to tell her about it.

Let me... Don't!

Let's do it.

Let's face it, Benjamin. Hiring housekeepers is not your forte.

Let's just forget it. There'll be other boys, other midnight swims,

Let's just leave it at that for now.

Listen, I just need two minutes with her.

Listen, I...

Listen, if she starts talkin' to herself,

Listen, if you're not doin' anything later,

Listen, Jack, you wanna go to the baseball game tonight?

Listen.

Look, all we need right now is a new housekeeper.

Look, I am going to see my sister. Would you please just tell me her room number?

Look, I know you want to be left alone.

Look, look, look! Ruthie's movie.

Love, Sam.

May I see some ID, please?

Maybe his chance to make a living at all this crazy stuff he does.

Maybe I should invite him back in.

Me, too.

Me, too.

Medium sized, green haired troll.

Mentally ill.

Montgomery and Smails, Smails and Roebuck, Smails R Us...

More capable of handling these episodes than you.

Most of these guys just work locally,

Mrs. Smail, please, let me explain.

Mrs. Smail, wait. Please, let me talk to her.

My cousin pounded into town and life's gone from heaven to hell in seven days.

My hands are tied. My hands are tied!

My life is just real... complicated, and...

My life's pretty complicated right now. You know?

My work's starting to suffer.

No, Cindy! No! No!

No, I couldn't possibly. They were a gift.

No, I got thrown out of school for that.

No, I'm bluffin'.

No, no, no, it's not for me. It's...

No, no. No, no.

No, not yet.

No!

No!

No! No, Cindy!

No.

No.

No.

No. And she doesn't want to leave.

No. Underprivileged childhood, I guess.

Nobody wants to be a housekeeper.

Not even you. You didn't have to buy that same dress.

Not so hard.

Not you or anyone else.

Now have some salad. By the way, I want you to come with me to my poker game.

Now,

Of your sick sister. A heart flush is a perfectly respectable hand.

Oh, and don't hang around her room while she's painting.

Oh, man.

Oh, well, if you're gonna be a baby about it...

Oh! God bless you.

Oh! Oh, Benny.

Oh! This...

Oh. No.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh. You're welcome.

OK, let's see. Black Sabbath, over there.

OK, Stevie.

OK?

OK? All right?

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK.

OK. 150 feet of coaxial cable. Show 'em.

OK. Bye.

Once she gets settled in, you could actually take a vacation.

One Pocket Fisherman.

Or you wanna...

Other prom dresses.

Paint the exterior of my house.

Pass.

Piltz? The answer's in the question.

Please...

Put him down! He's mine. I've been lookin' for him.

Quit kidding around. This isn't funny any more.

Re grout my shower. Blue grout.

Really?

Really?

Remember, always play for keeps.

Rules are rules. Without 'em there's no order in the universe.

Ruthie, a ghost come back to haunt you?

Ruthie?

Salad Shooter.

Sam, come on!

Sam, leave that! I'm beggin' you!

Sam, stop swinging!

Sam, what are you doin'?

Sam, where you goin'?

See ya.

She hates her peers. She's quit the two day centers to prove it.

She knows how to rattle the day help.

She moves things.

She said you wandered off.

She says you're runnin' low on Peanut Butter Super Chunks.

She wanders off unescorted. She has sudden outbursts.

She was given to fits of semiprecious metaphors.

She's gonna be alone every day. I'm not leavin' her alone at night, too.

She's simply unmanageable.

Shit.

Shut up!

Silk would've been too soggy.

Sir? Sir!

Sit down, son. You're makin' me nervous.

Six turkey feather darts.

Snorkel mask.

So are you and Ruthie considering itemhood?

So bring her. She just paints and reads.

So if you're not doin' anything later and...

So just leave. Leave.

So she's lying? I mean, is it a man or isn't it?

So we're planning our next vacation. I want Australia, she wants Italy.

Soap on a rope, slightly used.

Some cultures...

Spaghetti and salad?

Spends all day polishing my plastic forks.

Steering wheel knob.

Stop the bus, please!

Stupid. Stupid.

Sure.

Tapioca?

Tell me what?

Tell me, how are you two getting along?

Thank you, Dr. Garvey.

Thanks for the couch. Mike made me sleep under the sink.

Thanks for waitin', ma'am.

Thanks. Bye.

That happened once. I got a fire extinguisher. Just bring her.

That is a really very good deal, ma'am.

That's a see and a raise. You follow me?

That's a terrific offer, Benjamin. Save you from the chore of Smail shopping.

That's it. I'm gonna have a talk with him.

That's just the way it works.

That's up to you.

That's weird, isn't it? It's right on the nose.

That's what I told him.

The admission date is less than a week away.

The issue is jelly. You only like two kinds.

There's an apartment available in Ruthie's building.

There's only two reasons a car won't start:

These are very nice places... nurturing, supportive.

They taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated g****s.

They're a fruit, you know.

They're both named Steven. One with a v and one with a ph.

This guy is somethin' else. You're special.

This is just how I imagined your place.

Thomas,

Those places are such drudgery.

Three.

Time for your medicine, Joon.

To clean this house, but not any more!

Too bad.

Too loud! Too loud!

Travel a little. I can hold down the fort.

Travel?

Try it again.

Uh, listen, I want to apologize for the other night. That all came out wrong.

Understand?

Us?

Waldo, could you answer that phone?

Waldo, did you start that brake job yet?

Wanna know why everyone laughs at you, Sam?

We didn't mean to fall in love at the party.

We don't know this, but what if she were capable of a job?

We have to tell him.

We'll lay out the whole routine right after dinner.

We're here to help you.

Well, I know of no one else. You've been up and down the list.

Well, you are crazy!

Well, you know Joon, how flowery she gets with words.

Well... Yes, technically.

What a shame.

What are you doin' here?

What are you doin'?

What did he... What did he do?

What happened between you and Mrs. Smail?

What happened? Did something happen?

What is going on here? Joon?

What is this?

What is your problem? This is his chance to do somethin', be somebody.

What room did he say?

What room did you come out of?

What the hell is he doin'?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Not even as a kid?

What? What was for keeps?

What's that, up ahead?

When a boat runs ashore, the sea has spoken.

When I had to re plate your socket set, I didn't back out.

When you say he can't read, what do you mean? Like words?

Where does this leave the group home?

Where's Sam?

Who do what we do because we have to.

Who knows? Maybe he could travel, play clubs. I don't know, you know.

Whoa! What is this?

Why did you do this? You're sick.

Why don't we pick up Ruthie and get some ice cream?

Wind in the hair in the El Camino.

Wow. You actually have cuticles.

Yeah, and lights things on fire.

Yeah, but my life's a lot less complicated now.

Yeah, right. I'm gonna be stoppin' every 15 minutes

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. And he keeps me up all night watchin' stupid old movies.

Yeah. Before someone sticks a stamp on his head and mails him to Guam.

Yeah. I spoke to some of the guys on the staff, Benny.

Yeah. OK. Thanks.

Yeah. This is definitely for her own good.

Yeah. Two of 'em.

Yes, but her stress level is always a factor in her display of symptoms.

Yes.

Yes. And she's staying for dinner, too.

You are gonna stick close to the house.

You book 'em out of town?

You can have one of mine, if you want.

You can't bet a human being!

You can't throw him out. I won him.

You can't throw him out. I won him.

You could take it on the weekends.

You either like g**** or boysenberry. Which is it? All right.

You have to! Remember the bet I lost last year?

You install cable TV.

You just settle down. Just settle down.

You just stay the hell away from my sister.

You know what you could start with? Remember the roll thing in the diner?

You know what?

You know what? I better not.

You know what? I can't.

You might want to consider that there are some people

You need help.

You need me to be sick.

You need some help?

You see what we've come to? You see?

You see,

You wouldn't dare, Joon!

You...

You'd let me live in an apartment?

You're a first class moron.

You're a real pal, Benny.

You're all trying to cheat me. You're trying to cheat.

You're blessed.

You're goin' with them.

You're gonna get in trouble!

You're not some schmo like the rest of us,

You're out of your tree.

You're right.

You're right. What am I doing with myself?

You're welcome, Sam. Let me know if you need anything, OK?

You've got fire.

You've got this gift and you shouldn't ignore it.

Your fuel pump was shot. I threw in a new one. It's great.

Your life is literally passing you by.

555 0944.

♪ Pushin', pushin' forward back Ahh!

18 15! It caught the corner.

18 15. 17 16.

Agh! Shh, shh. Calm down.

All right? OK.

All righty. You wanna step out? Yeah, OK. Yeah, OK.

An apartment? Yeah.

And I'll raise you with a stethoscope. Does it have little plastic earpieces?

Are you OK? Ouch! Ouch!

Are you serious? Yeah. Dinner with you.

Are you sure? Yeah. I'll take care of him.

Audrey Hepburn. Yeah. Sam, thanks a lot.

Be serious. I am serious.

Benny, tonight's your lucky night. Mike warned her it was for keeps.

Benny? What?

Benny's gonna strangle you guys. Chill out, Thomas.

Can I help you? Yeah, I hope so.

Cannibals. Yeah.

Cards? Three.

Cards? Two.

Don't! Get the fuck out.

Downright un American, if you ask me. Yeah.

Fold o. You must have a good hand, huh?

Fold. Do you ever stay in?

Full house. Jacks over fours. Oh, shit.

Get the door. How'd he get past Security?

He is not. He's here. He got me in here!

He's amazing. Will you see him? Yeah, I'll see him. You never know.

He's somewhere in the building. He is not.

Hello. I need a check, Benny. COD.

Hello. I want to help.

Hello. How's it goin'? I appreciate the deal on the engine.

Her hair smelled. But then it was Mrs. Piltz.

Hi, Benny. Thomas.

Hi. Is my car ready?

Hi. How you doin'? You're out late.

How sick is she? She's plenty sick.

How you doin', hon? You think I don't know who you are?

How's my car? It's runnin' great.

I can brush my own teeth, Benjamin. Fine.

I have every right. Yes, ma'am.

I love him! Yeah?

I mean, I'd like to... It's OK.

I scared him away. No, you didn't.

I think Fred Astaire is the way to go. Yeah?

I'm Sam. So I hear.

I've got that beer waiting for you. Oh.

I've gotta see her. Come on, come on.

Is Joon inside? Yeah.

Is that a flashlight? It's a brush kind of a thing.

It's impossible, Benny. What do you mean, it's impossible?

It's that one. Yeah.

Joon, please, come on. No, it's not all in my head.

Joon, we gotta go. Flush!

Juniper... Benjamin...

Just like the good Lord intended. 26 years old, he can't even read.

Morning. Hey.

Nice fish. I mean, yeah... I never had a fish.

Nice porch. Pretty nice fish Joon gave you.

No problem. Is it runnin' all right? Yeah, it's running great.

No, I took him home. You took him home?

No, we've gotta find Joon. Please. Thomas, get us in there to see her.

No. Yeah.

No. No, it's OK. No, I really...

Not really. Why?

Not respectable enough. Hey, shut up, Mike.

Now, I've been doin' some thinkin'. Because it seems to me,

Oh, hi. How you doin'? Hi.

OK, fine. 17 16. You can't give me what was mine.

OK? Thanks.

OK.

OK. I'll take a rain check on the beer.

OK. Listen, um...

OK. Thank you, Ruthie.

On the nose? Right exactly.

Please, just come back in the morning. Let me talk to her goddamn doctor!

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Go ahead.

Sam, you can't be in here. Where's Joon's room?

Second job, huh? Yeah.

See you next week. Right. Thank you.

See? OK.

She already has a home. Benny, she'd be with her peers.

She hates that. No.

She what? Oh, and the police will corroborate.

She's been better, Benny. You gotta tell me what room she's in.

So why'd you leave? LA?

Sorry. Thanks.

Tapioca. Tapioca?

Tell him, Eric. He's funny.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Maybe I should quit my job. Where the hell have you two been?

That was great. No, no, no.

That's a good choice. Who was that woman in, uh, Roman...

They scare me. Yeah. Me, too.

This is Joon. With an n?

This today? Yeah.

Those are mine. OK. Hey, guys, hurry it up!

Wanna go to dinner? Ever been married?

Well... You wanna come in?

What are you doin', you jerk? Somethin' wrong with your car.

What did he use? Rayon.

What do you care? You never win, Mike. I don't want 'em stabbin' my eardrums.

What time you got? It's eleven.

What? I'm done, Mr. Pearl.

What's in the pot? A cousin.

Where's the batteries? You didn't win batteries.

Who's the new housekeeper? The new...

Why? I'll level with you.

Yeah, let's get her. No.

Yeah. To your house?

You should be doin' something with it. Like what?

You're cheating. Joon, you're the one who's cheating.

You're scared, Benny. I'm what?

'56 Plymouth tire iron.

♪ And have a little faith in me

♪ And have a little faith in me

♪ And have a little faith in me ♪

♪ And I would walk five hundred miles

♪ And I would walk five hundred more

♪ And I would walk five hundred more

♪ And I would walk five hundred more

♪ And I'm wasted and I can't find my way home

♪ And if I haver, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

♪ And if I haver, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

♪ And when I'm dreamin', well, I know I'm gonna dream

♪ Are all you can believe

♪ Benjamin and Ruthjamin, sittin' in a tree

♪ But I would walk five hundred miles

♪ But I would walk five hundred miles

♪ But I would walk five hundred miles

♪ Cannot speak so easily

♪ Come down off your throne and leave your body alone

♪ Come down on your own and leave your body alone

♪ First comes love, then comes marriage

♪ Have a little faith in me

♪ I saw no future in this lack

♪ I started pushin'

♪ I started pushin'

♪ I was pushin'

♪ I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you

♪ I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you

♪ I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you

♪ I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you

♪ I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you

♪ I'm gonna be the man who's haverin' to you

♪ I'm gonna be the man who's haverin' to you

♪ I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you

♪ I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you

♪ If I get drunk, well, I know I'm gonna be

♪ Just give these lovin' arms a try, baby

♪ Just let my love throw a spark

♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles

♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles

♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles

♪ Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles

♪ Not a sigh for the blessing of rest

♪ Pushin' forward back ♪

♪ Pushin', pushin' forward back

♪ Somebody holds the key

♪ The melodious songs of the blessed

♪ To fall down at your door

♪ To fall down at your door

♪ To have a little faith in me

♪ Too late to cry, she turned away

♪ We shall meet on that beautiful shore

♪ We shall meet on that beautiful shore ♪

♪ Well, I'm weary and I just ain't got the time

♪ When I go out, well, I know I'm gonna be

♪ When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

♪ When I go out, yeah, I know I'm gonna be

♪ When I wake up, well, I know I'm gonna be

♪ When I wake up, well, I know I'm gonna be

♪ When I'm lonely, well, I know I'm gonna be

♪ When the road gets dark

♪ When your secret heart