The Santa Clause (1994) Edit

A And I think we should give a special thanks to the people...

A And I think we should give a special thanks to the people...

A gift.

A little weight? Does this look like a little weight to you?

A thousand malls.

Aah.

Aah.

About you and the North Pole.

After reviewing all of your testimonies,

Ah, Christmas at the pound.

Ah, ho, ho.

Ah, just kidding. Okay, up with the shirt.

Ah, one of Santa's little helpers.

All I gotta do is push you off a roof?

All right, he said that. He said that it was the best Christmas he ever had.

All right, let's go!

All right, you should just stay still. Perfect.

All right. Got my boots.

All right. Hold on.

All right. Let's go.

Almost killed me. But the guy at the emergency room says...

And another thing. What about the reindeer?

And did you go to the North Pole?

And don't forget the fire extinguisher.

And hang on tight.

And I stopped believing in Santa Claus a long time ago.

And I think the whole class will join me in saying...

And I think there's some sort of time continuum that breaks down once Santa's in his sleigh.

And I want you to come and see Charlie as often as you can.

And I would just want to thank every one of you individually...

And I... I must have told him all about it.

And I'll have a Caesar. No dressing.

And Neal.

And now with song we fill the night

And one of those home made cookies, the warm chocolate chip. No nuts.

And remember, he'll probably be dressed like Santa Claus.

And so our hearts with all will share

And that's when I stopped believing.

And they need to be with you too.

And they're... They all... They all believe in me. They're countin' on me, Charlie. And I...

And we both work very hard one day a year.

And you were a very good girl this year, but I want you to go back to sleep, okay?

And your parents thought I'd never amount to anything.

And, uh, a little slice of cheesecake. Uh, creme brulee...

And, uh, not over any oceans, Scott.

And, um, hot fudge sundae, extra hot fudge.

And, you know Neal. Well, he sat him down and...

Anytime day or night.

Anyway, I'll try to get to my house as soon as I can.

Are we doing the right thing, Neal?

Are you growling at me?

Are you having a heart attack? I know CPR.

Aren't they wonderful?

Back to the house.

Back to work. Thanks.

Because of Mom and Neal.

Because Santa is watchin' his saturated fats.

Because some big kid told him there was no such thing as Santa.

Because this whole thing is stupid.

Bee sting. Evidently I'm allergic.

Before you went to bed Christmas Eve?

Believes himself to be Santa Claus.

Bernard called me sport, 'cause he knew everything.

Bernard!

Boy, I love hearing you say that.

Boy, I really wanted a "Mystery Date" game.

Boy, this bird is dry. Haven't you people heard about basting?

Boy. Hmm. Appreciate your analysis. I really do.

Buono Natale. Pelz Nicole.

But certainly never in my normal dreams would I...

But certainly never in my normal dreams would I...

But here is our preliminary...

But to... to take away his visitation rights.

But we don't have time for that, do we?

But what about people who don't have fireplaces? How does he get into their house?

But what do I do if I fall off a roof?

But you do believe in Santa, right, Dad?

But, boy, you got more important things to worry about, you know.

Bye bye. Bye, Quintin. Bye, Peewee.

Bye, Santa Claus. Bye.

Calvin, can we get back to the presentation?

Calvin?

Can I ask Dad to go first?

Can I get you anything? The kitchen's always open.

Can I see you outside a minute?

Careful, Dad!

Charlie and I have put our heads together, and I think we've got a few surprises for you.

Charlie, "arose" is a word that means "it came,"

Charlie, are you sure you're okay?

Charlie, come on down from there. Charlie, get down from there!

Charlie, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?

Charlie, he's not Santa!

Charlie, I already told ya. We did not go to the North Pole.

Charlie, I thought I told you to stay in the sleigh.

Charlie, if, uh...

Charlie, it's just the wind or somethin'.

Charlie, look at the clouds over here. Aren't they pret...

Charlie, sometimes believing in something means you...

Charlie, there... there is no...

Charlie, we'll discuss this at home.

Charlie, would you like to introduce your, um...

Charlie, would you listen to me? Stay up there!

Charlie, you're wrong.

Charlie!

Charlie!

Charlie!

Charlie?

Charlie?

Charlie? Time to come inside.

Charlie. Charlie! Stay away from those things.

Charlie. Honey, listen. You're confused.

Charlie's got some great ideas on how to keep you safe.

Christmas came. No wienie whistle.

Christmas Eve. Just for a minute.

Christmas is here bringing good cheer To young and old, meek and the bold

Christmas morning came and...

Come here a minute.

Come here and give me a hug.

Come here.

Come on, Dad! Come on!

Come on, get up!

Come on, listen. There's... There's a lot of kids out there.

Come on. Let's go back to bed.

Come on. Let's go save Santa.

Concerned about what?

Confusing Charlie again just...

Confusing Charlie again just...

Could you guys leave us alone for a minute?

Curly haired dolls that toddle and coo

Dad took me to the North Pole, and Larry showed me the workshop.

Dad, I'm fine. You can't let them down.

Dad, isn't this neat?

Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

Dad!

Dad! Check out Santa's sleigh.

Dad! Climb up here!

Dad! Dad!

Dad! You gotta see this!

DC 10 alert and air freshener.

Denial. You don't even know what that means.

Did not. And he's not Santa.

Did you leave the gifts I made under the tree?

Did you or did you not read the card?

Ding dong and dong, balance in song Ring joyful ring, all caroling

Ding dong ding

Distressed? I'm way past distressed.

Do I gotta stay?

Do it again, Dad. Please.

Do you remember those?

Do you think by next year I'll be big enough to drive the sleigh all by myself?

Do you want this doll or not? Go back to sleep.

Don't ever try this without elf supervision.

Don't worry. We're the good guys.

Dong

Dr Miller?

Drive safe. Thanks very much.

Easy, Rudolph.

Elves with attitude.

Even if there was, d didn't you notice there's no chimney?

Except "Mystery Date."

Excuse me, Comet.

Excuse me. Are we on a coffee break?

Excuse me. Excuse me. Hi.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh...

Eyes front, Mary Catherine.

Fabulous. What happens if I fall off the roof?

Fax me. Hi. Hey, this probably looks pretty odd, doesn't it?

Fella, if you can hear me, I'm just lookin' for your identification.

Finished?

Fireplaces will no longer be a problem.

Fluctuate? You make it sound like I'm retainin' water.

Follow me. You'll want to get out of those clothes.

Four hours?

Freeze!

Freezing my nubs off out here, and you want me to get into a Santa costume.

From everywhere, filling the air Oh, how they pound, raising the sound

Gaily they ring while people sing songs of good cheer, Christmas is here

Gaily they ring while people sing songs of good cheer, Christmas is here

Giddyap, Comet! Whoa, let's go!

Gimme a break. I was on my way to Cleveland.

Gimme all your lovin' All your hugs and kisses too

Go hand in hand Calling in the town

Go on. Get outta here.

Go to sleep.

Go, go, go, go! Move it!

God. Your... Your weight.

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice

Good night, Charlie.

Great! I'm starving.

Great. I'll leave the door open. Just leave them inside here.

Great... Oh, ho, Scott. Nice P.J.s. Very festive.

Guy fell. Not my fault.

Guys, guys, I got a lot of work to do. This is a big mistake, really.

Ha! Morning, Mrs McGloin. Mary Catherine.

Hark, carol bells, sweet silver bells All seem to sing throw cares away

Hark, carol bells, sweet silver bells All seem to sing throw cares away

Hark, carol bells, sweet silver bells one seems to hear words of good cheer

Have any of you tried to build the Total Tank?

Have any of you tried to build the Total Tank?

He is too, Santa! We went to the North Pole together.

He knows if you've been bad or good

He sees you when you're sleeping

He told him that there was a Santa Claus.

He turns into Jell O and...

He would if he's tryin' to sell the Total Tank.

He's gettin' ready for... Christmas!

He's got some I.D. On him, I bet.

He's sucking us into his delusions.

Here are your pyjamas. I'll be right back.

Here.

Here. I don't wanna talk about this any more.

Here. I don't wanna talk about this any more.

Here's my card. Call me.

Hey, Dad, look!

Hey, did we make this?

Hey, does this look like home to you guys?

Hey, excuse me. Can I get some of that tinsel?

Hey, have I ever steered ya wrong?

Hey, kid, kid. Kid, who's in charge here?

Hey, look! Here comes the new Santa!

Hey, Neal. Howdy, sport.

Hey, you know what. I got somethin' for you.

Hey! Who's causin' all the trouble around here?

Hey. Same initials as your name, Dad.

Hmm? Ah!

Hmm.

Hmm. I'll have a field green salad and... Oh, my God.

Hold it a minute. Wh Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold it! Hold... Oh! Hold it!

Hold on.

Honey, how are you? Are you... Are... Where are you? Are you okay?

Honey, I'm sure Charlie's fine.

Honey, the man is delusional.

Honey, you go wait in the car for a minute, okay? I'll be right there.

How about a stiff drink?

How can one man in one night...

How come everything I wanna do is stupid?

How come your clothes are so baggy?

How come?

How did you know the other guy was gone?

How do reindeer fly? They don't have any wings.

How do you get in without a fireplace?

How do you know that? How? You don't have any proof.

How does Santa visit those people?

How fast does hair grow? Facial hair?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? Well, nuts. I...

Huh. Fabulous ball.

I am now.

I can't be selfish. I can't be with you all the time.

I can't. That thing's empty.

I did say that, didn't I? Thanks for remembering.

I didn't say that.

I don't care what Neal's doing. Where's Charlie?

I don't have a lot of time.

I don't know what's happening to you.

I don't know. It seems kind of babyish to believe in that kind of stuff.

I don't know. One just kind of appeared.

I guess we know who's the teacher's pet.

I hope not. These are, uh,

I hope the guy that lives here is a tailor!

I hope. So, did I miss anything?

I know exactly who he is.

I know who you are, Dad. You'll figure it out soon enough.

I learn a lot from him. He listens to me.

I like him a lo... Yeah, sure, I like him. You know, there...

I love you too, Mom.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, Santa Claus.

I love you, son.

I mean, so I can say goodbye to him properly?

I mean, this is fabulous.

I mean, what was so bad about Charlie believing in Santa?

I miss you too much.

I need a routine So gimme all your lovin'

I never in my wildest... Well, no, okay, maybe my wildest...

I promise I'll take real good care of it.

I ran real late today. You wouldn't believe the traffic out here.

I saw it. The elves are real old even though they look like me.

I think Charlie is conflicted at the moment.

I think it's a much better idea if you just stayed here with your mom.

I think it's safe to say you're taking this Santa thing to an unhealthy level.

I told you, you should've gone before we left the North Pole.

I wanna be with you, Dad.

I wanna be with you, Dad.

I want some ballet slippers.

I was Charlie's age, I guess, I...

I was joking, okay? I'm sorry. I was just kiddin' around.

I was three, and it was an Oscar Meyer wienie whistle.

I wrote Santa a letter every week that year.

I, uh, swear we're not fighting. It's your mom's singing.

I... I don't even think they make them any more, but...

I... I... What are we... What are we supposed to do?

I... Uh... No, look, Barnaby, I just wanna go home.

I'll be right there. Just a sec.

I'll explain it to you later.

I'll have a salad and iced tea and dressing on the side.

I'm an elf.

I'm Bernard. Nice to meet ya, Santa.

I'm dreamin' of a white Christmas

I'm dreaming

I'm fine. We're up at the North Pole.

I'm granting the petition of Dr and Mrs Miller.

I'm in big trouble. Mm hmm.

I'm just gonna call the police. I'll carry this stuff up there. Let them deal with it, okay?

I'm not done yet. Since we've opened this box,

I'm not gonna let them down. I got a lot of work to do.

I'm not Santa! I've had a rough night. There's been dogs barkin', guns goin' off.

I'm sorry to do this in light of the holiday season,

I'm sorry. Charlie, this is Buh, Beh, Beh...

I'm terrific! I'm helping the elves build a new sleigh.

I'm thirsty and hungry too.

I've come to a very difficult decision.

I've gained 45 pounds in a week. Pete, what's happenin' to me?

I've got homeowner's insurance and a good attorney.

If Charlie spending time with you is the best thing for him.

If you don't get your act together, Scott, so help me...

In all seriousness, um, here at B&R Toys,

In order to make Charlie like you.

In putting on the hat and jacket you accepted the contract.

In the silence of the night

In your dreams, sleigh boy.

Into a strange house in my underwear?

Is shake it whenever you want to see your dad.

Is that a polar bear directin' traffic down there?

Is this the most current photo you have?

It felt like America's Most Wanted.

It happens. And with that body, you should be thankful you have hair.

It is real.

It is Santa! You killed him.

It just... sort of grows out of them.

It sounds a lot like fighting, doesn't it? Cats even.

It was a dream. Come on!

It was really neat, Mom. Dad was Santa, and Larry showed me the workshop.

It wasn't my fault. The other guy fell. It was an accident.

It...

It's a new fabric. Completely flame retardant.

It's all okay. I told the judge everything...

It's done.

It's got 10,000 parts, and even if you do get it together, it breaks ten minutes later.

It's just a dream. Stuff like that doesn't happen.

It's just I never thought you would stoop to changing your physical appearance...

It's my Christmas present for you. It's the, um... It's the custody papers.

It's not a ladder. I said, "arose such a clatter."

It's nothin', Bernard. I'm just saying goodbye to Charlie.

It's okay with me.

It's okay, honey. Come on.

It's okay, Laura.

It's okay.

It's okay. I'm used to it. I lived through the '60s.

It's Santa!

It's Santa's job, but Santa fell off a roof, your roof.

It's the holidays. Come on. Come on.

It's you.

Judge Wayland's office.

Judy will take you to your room. Get out of the suit. It needs to be cleaned.

Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Just get some help.

Just like that!

Just my opinion. Can't they look a little younger...

Just... Just a quick one.

Kind of like Neal. And who gave you permission to tell Charlie there's no Santa Claus?

Kriss Kringle.

Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention?

Ladies and gentlemen, this one's not gonna be easy to find.

Lash out irrationally?

Last night, Dad and me went with the flying reindeer.

Laura, I was hopin' to catch you before you'd left your house.

Laura, what do you think? Christmas Eve you guys spend with Charlie?

Laura.

Let me explain something to you, okay?

Let's hear it for 'em! Come on!

Let's take a listen to the old ticker. Whoa. Okay.

Like, where are you gonna get more sweaters after the circus pulls outta town?

Listen, all we are trying to do is give Charlie a firm grasp on reality.

Listen, Charlie. I'm not kidding. Let's go!

Listen, you and your daddy are gonna have a great Christmas, okay?

Look at the elaborate measures he's taken.

Look at the size of this thing.

Look here, Dad. "The Rose Suchak Ladder Company."

Look out below!

Look, Comet, like I said,

Look, I am lactose intolerant.

Look, I am not Santa Claus! Ahh!

Look, i if it bothers you, you can dye it, and you should diet!

Look, I know you're Scott Calvin.

Look, I work for a toy company. I deliver toys all over the country.

Look, my back's killin' me. Have you ever tried to shove a sea kayak down a chimney?

Look, on Christmas Eve, my dad pushed Santa off the roof.

Look, there's Mom and Neal's street! Can we go there next?

Look, you put a "P" next to the kids who are nice and a "C" next to the naughty ones.

Look, you're a nice little elf.

Look. Look over there. I know.

Look. Look over there. There's a canoe. Aha, it's true.

Looked for women.

Lookin' good, Dad.

May I speak, please? I am a doctor.

Maybe not every week, but...

Maybe you better leave some cookies and milk out, just in case, okay?

Means you just believe in it.

Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!

Merry Christmas.

Merry, merry, merry merry Christmas

Merry, merry, merry merry Christmas

Merry, merry, merry merry Christmas

Microphone's in here. It connects you directly to Judy.

Mm hmm!

Mom, this stupid ball's not working.

Mom!

Mom?

Mornin', sport. We're done, Comet. Ho ho ho.

Mr Calvin, as of today,

My own recipe. Took me 1200 years to get it right.

Neal doesn't believe in Santa.

Neal, relax.

Neal. I'm home!

Nice coat.

Nice sweater.

Nice teeth.

No what, Dad?

No, he's not. He's a psychiatrist.

No, I think I'm going to go into the family business.

No, no, no, no, no! Hey, hey, hey!

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, not Santa Claus, the person. Santa Clause, the clause.

No, stupid, the elves do!

No, that's not what I'm talkin' about. Charlie, hold on a second.

No, we were, uh, just about to order lunch.

No!

No.

No. Of course you don't.

No. You gotta put the suit on first.

Not as good as my wife's, but let's not open up that wound.

Not everyone celebrates Christmas.

Not just because of them. There's school.

Not necessarily. Could be rude or sarcastic. Whatever it takes.

Not now, Charlie. I want you to sit here, and I want you to stay right there.

Nothing. It's just... I had this really strange dream.

Now, be very careful. This is very old, just like me.

Now, Calvin is to be apprehended unharmed.

Now, please, go to sleep. Shut your eyes.

Now, settle down there.

Now, this year Santa's not goin' out in a sleigh.

Now, would you, Santa?

Now... grab hold of my hand.

Of course I believe in Santa. Now, please, go to sleep.

Of course there's a list.

Of course you are, Dad. How can you say that?

Of delicious seasonal favourite eggnog?

Oh, boy!

Oh, boy! I think what he means is, I'm like Santa Claus.

Oh, Charlie! Oh, merry Christmas, honey!

Oh, come on, Laura. Don't you remember when you stopped believing in Santa Claus?

Oh, ho, ho. Oh, I see, I see.

Oh, how they pound, raising the sound go hand in hand calling in the town

Oh, I got dozens of presents.

Oh, I got everything.

Oh, I missed you so much. How are you?

Oh, look, there's an emu.

Oh, my boy. Oh, my sweetheart.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Neal.

Oh, no, uh, your pulse is great. I...

Oh, oh, look, Judy. Look. Look over there.

Oh, there's the problem right there.

Oh, this thing. You never know where it's been.

Oh, wait. Don't go yet. I have something for you. I...

Oh, wait. Wait. Judy was the name of the waitress at the restaurant last night.

Oh, would Santa really beat someone up?

Oh, wow!

Oh, yeah. This from the guy responsible for the Do It All For You Dolly.

Oh, you mean the guy that fell off my roof?

Oh!

Oh! My boy, you're home!

Okay, Calvin. Maybe a couple of hours in the tank will change your mind.

Okay, hmm?

Okay, look. So, what? You put on a little weight.

Okay, now hold out your hand, all right?

Okay, now, remember. This is just a storyboard.

Okay, now, we've got Santa. He's up in the North Pole.

Okay, okay, so maybe I'm having second thoughts, kind of. I just...

Okay, Scott. Time is up.

Okay? Millions of kids.

Okay.

Okay. A clause, as in the last line of a contract.

Okay. It's okay. Shh.

Okay. Okay.

On Comet, on Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!

On the side.

On we will sing, dawn with a hymn Angel will come to every home

On we will sing, dawn with a hymn Angel will come to every home

On we will sing, dawn with a hymn Angel will come to every home

Oo oo ooh!

Ooh, it's cold.

Ouch! Oh!

Our Midwest marketing and distribution team,

Pending a hearing after the first of the year.

Played with my shotguns; field dressed a cat;

Please, Mom.

Please. Go ahead, Dr Miller.

Probably from the cable company.

Radar jamming jingle bells, snow screen,

Reindeer and Santa. Santa and reindeer. I It's kind of a package deal.

Reindeer on the roof. That is hard to explain.

Reindeer up on the roof. Santa suit layin' on the ground.

Remember!

Responsible for our record breaking sales,

Ridiculous or not, Scott, for Charlie, this isn't some dream.

Right, Dad?

Santa Claus.

Santa Claus.

Santa uses reindeer to fly because that's how he has to get around.

Santa, are you okay? Over. Over.

Santa, this is Quintin, head of research and development.

Santa's rollin' down the block in a panzer.

Scott Calvin.

Scott, I... I really have to tell you that this is beginning to scare me.

Scott, what was the last thing you and Charlie did...

Scott! I mean, you're not listening.

Scott! Oh, grow up.

Selfish? Come on.

Shake it up, Charlie.

Shh.

Shoot.

Should remain un... unsaid, like between two people...

Shouldn't have had that doughnut. Oh!

Shut your eyes.

So when do I get the five bucks?

So when you put on the suit, you fell subject to the Santa Clause.

So, in a way, I'm like Santa Claus.

So, let me get this straight, Santa.

So, remember, kids, there is nothing more painful than third degree burns.

So, uh, what have you been telling him?

Some big chemical fire. All my clothes, poof, gone.

Something's wrong with the mirror.

Sometimes boxer shorts. You know.

Sorry about your partner.

Sorry, um, the dry cleaner in my neighbourhood went up in smoke.

Spend the day with me, Larry B.

Stay here.

Sure.

Susan, darling, come on up here. Aren't they adorable?

Sweetheart. Oh, God. Come here. Come here.

T They move fa... They're weightless.

Take it easy on her, will ya? Who are you?

Take your coat off. You're stickin' around, aren't ya?

Take your time.

Than a boy believing or not believing in Santa Claus.

Thank you very much. This was really a team effort,

Thank you, Charlie. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks, but I'm seeing someone in wrapping.

Thanks. We gotta go home. How do you start this thing?

That is exactly why you want a high quality fire extinguisher right in the kitchen.

That will nurture a child's creative thinking.

That's a good idea. You don't want kids runnin' around usin' their imaginations.

That's how he feels, Neal. Come on. Nice sweater, buddy.

That's not surprising. Most grown ups can't believe in magic.

That's right, because Charlie thinks that this whole thing actually happened.

That's so weird, 'cause I know when I did... that...

The Christmas bells will bring you home

The Christmas bells will bring you home

The cocoa comes out nice and hot.

The fireplace kind of appears, and he goes through it like this.

The love that comes with Christmas day

The Night Before Christmas, folks. Come on!

The other Santa disappeared, right?

The reason we're here is that this is far more serious...

The regular Santa fell off the roof, and Dad put on the suit.

The Santa Clause: "In putting on this suit and entering the sleigh...

The swelling will go down.

The trouble is, Neal and your mom, they don't believe in Santa because they were real naughty.

Thejoy that comes with Christmas cheer

Then the reindeer flew us to the North Pole where the head elf,

There are a lot of kids that believe in you. You can't let them down.

There aren't that many presents over there.

There is nothing left...

There we go!

There's a...

There's just something about him that makes me wanna...

There's no chimney here. Can you hear me? No chimney, all right?

There's no reason why we have to tell anybody about the North Pole.

There's no such thing as Santa's sleigh.

There's nothin' in the bag.

They all look like they've got key lime disease.

They just... know.

They're like the bears at the North Pole, Dad.

They're reindeer. You don't know where they've been.

They're supposed to look funny. They're elves.

This completes the ensemble.

This has been our best year ever thanks to Do It All For You Dolly.

This is good.

This is great. A Santa costume.

This is my dad, Scott Calvin. He's got a really neat job.

This is nice.

This is our perpetrator.

This is really good.

This is some of the best stuff that's come out of the workshop since the ball.

This is something I really want you to do for me, sport.

This time he's goin' Total Tank.

This...

Three car pile up. I'm really gonna be late.

To drive the winter's cold away

To wish you now and all the year

Topo Gigio.

Total Tank TV spot.

Toys have to be delivered. I'm not gonna do it. It's not my job. I'm just an elf.

Turn to your right. Hello!

Uh, I, I, I don't have a favourite.

Uh, Larry, take Charlie here and get him some chow.

Uh, pasta and tomatoes, uh, and very light on the oil. Can you do that?

Uh, you guys, or you girls... Who gives the orders? Who's your boss?

Um, you know, you don't have to send anybody... Oh, my gosh, wait!

Untie me! I mean it!

Untie...

Up there! Do you see it? Hey, do you see it?

Up there! Do you see it? Hey, do you see it?

Veronica, very nice.

Visit all the children of the world?

Wait a minute! No way! No way Santa's goin' anywhere without his sleigh.

Wait a minute. Hey, I know where this is goin'.

Wait!

Watch those steps. They're real slippery.

We are very concerned about this.

We can't. The police are watching this place.

We don't want to keep Dr Pinhead waiting.

We find that we can get around a lot faster if we fly.

We got Calvin. We're bringing him out.

We shared a bowl of sugar; did some shots of brown liquor;

We used to make things like this at work, but no one bought 'em.

We won't be long.

We'll cordon off a three block radius around Dr Miller's house.

We're also about families.

We're both giving. We're both jolly.

We're getting the Disney Channel now. Merry Christmas.

We're looking for Santa Claus.

We're not just about makin' a profit in quality toys.

We're not kids, and we're not visiting.

We're talking sunup? You're here?

We're trying for a vertical takeoff. Well, gotta go. The elves need me.

We're your worst nightmare.

We've got a lot of work to do and only a year in which to do it.

We've got a problem. Santa was at the Miller's, but he's not responding.

We've got to talk about this Santa Claus thing.

Weird! Ow!

Well, a... You let him stay. I'll go.

Well, all he said was that Santa was more like a feeling.

Well, anyway...

Well, he's a little old.

Well, how do I look? Nice?

Well, I hope you're happy, Comet. Hope you're happy. But most of all,

Well, I I don't know, Scott. Y You're as healthy as a horse.

Well, if that's how you feel, Charlie.

Well, if you can't be father of the year, why not be Father Christmas, huh?

Well, isn't that a pretty picture.

Well, it could be a hormonal imbalance.

Well, kids, I... I certainly hope you've been good this year.

Well, Neal's head comes to a point.

Well, perhaps this is a good time to bring up the psychiatrist.

Well, thank you, Fireman O'Hara.

Well, that's because Santa isn't here yet.

Well, then, there is your problem. Just try to cut back on the sweets, okay?

Well, there's one obvious alternative.

Well, time to deploy E.L.F.S.

Well, wait, sport. Sport. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Well, we made good time. Now what do we do?

Well, weight can fluctuate from year to year.

Well, you are. I know what happened.

Well, you know, okay, you know, maybe...

Well, you should get some rest. Good night, sir.

What about fireplaces? A lot of people don't have them.

What about the reindeer?

What about the reindeer? These are Santa's reindeer, aren't they?

What about this? Remember all the neat stuff inside?

What am I supposed to do with all these packages, guys? Come on.

What are you talkin' about? I believe in Santa Claus. I'm not a baby.

What do you say we start out with cold glasses...

What goodbye? Charlie, you still got the glass ball, right?

What happened?

What I can't believe is that he would go behind our backs all this time,

What if I don't buy into this Santa Clause thing? What if I choose not to believe it?

What is it?

What?

What?

What?

What? No. Oh, Charlie came home from school the other day in tears,

What? Something's wrong with the scale.

What's all this boo hooing goin' on here? Hey, how ya doin'?

Whatever. Their, uh, antlers give them...

When I wake up, I'm gettin' a CAT scan!

Where the hell'd this come from?

Where there's no chimney, there's no fireplace.

Where those treetops glisten

Where you goin'? Come back here! Aww!

Where'd he go?

Which is probably why Johnson's secretary is sittin' in his lap.

Which is why they'll probably get lumps of coal in their stockings.

Who... Who are these other kids?

Who's down there?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa! How'd you do that? What'd it feel like, Dad?

Whoa! This guy was huge.

Whoa! Whoa! Wh Whoa!

Whoo hoo! Hey, buddy.

Why don't you, uh, hold onto it for me for a while.

Will do.

Will you let it go to your head

With silver specks on their cheeks?

Wow!

Wow.

Wow. Really?

Yeah, Clydesdale.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, same to you! And that's not very ladylike!

Yeah, they probably are. But you see, we weren't figuring on walking out the front door.

Yeah.

Yeah. Great. Stay there.

Yeah. Then he charges ya for it.

Yo!

You are not Santa Claus.

You are. And I'm not a kid. I've pointy shoes that are older than you.

You believed in me when nobody else did.

You bet I did.

You can count on it. Thanks, Laura.

You don't have to worry about the Santa Claus thing any more.

You gave me a wonderful gift, Charlie. Listen, a wonderful gift.

You gotta watch the suit too. This is so old. It's an antique, you know.

You have 11 months to get your affairs in order, and you're due back here Thanksgiving.

You have got to be kidding! Come on!

You helped make me Santa.

You know what we're gonna do is we're gonna get outta here,

You know you're Scott Calvin. So let's make this simple.

You know, I knew it. I knew that... that something was going on. I just... I...

You know, I must say, you look pretty good for your age.

You know, more like a state of mind than a person.

You know, Neal's a real good cook.

You know, no one does.

You know, ther... ther... there's a slipstream effect... The air go...

You know, y you should s see a doctor, a shrink, a dietician, anything.

You like osso buco, Charlie? They're closed.

You listen! You think you know who he is. You don't!

You look distressed.

You mean I can go?

You mean, when I grow up, if I wanna be Santa Claus,

You miss me already? I've been gone, what? Ten minutes.

You need to sit down with Charlie. Explain to him...

You officers really gave me a start. Merry Christmas, guys.

You read the card, you put on the suit. That clearly falls under the Santa Clause.

You really are...

You saw! You saw the ball come to life.

You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts.

You should get some sleep.

You should see all the neat toys.

You want me to take the toys down the chimney...

You were just denying your inner child.

You were right about the sweater, okay?

You were three?

You wouldn't want to be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas,

You, me, your mom...

You'll be fine. Ah, merry Christmas, Charlie. I love you.

You're gonna make a great psychiatrist one day, kid.

You're starting to look like the Pillsbury dough boy.

You're supposed to drink the milk.

"P" and "C"? Yeah. "P" for present, "C" for coal, right, Bernard?

All right. Thanks. I'll get your packages.

And Charlie? Yeah?

And Charlie? Yeah?

And now, we return to the most cherished of Christmas stories, And children listen

And taken in. Then get some sleep.

Annie, nice. Beep!

Anything else? Yeah.

Anything to drink? Ice cold milk.

Are you okay, Dad? Yeah. Just fine. Just fine.

Are you with Hatsutashi? No!

At least we know they got hot apple pie. We did.

Bernard. Bernard.

But if Santa's so fat, how did he get down the chimneys? He sucks it in like Grandpa.

But then this is Scott we're talking about and I... Laura, the point.

But, Dad... No buts, Charlie.

Bye, Charlie. Bye, Neal.

Bye, Mom! Scott.

Bye. Scott!

Calvin. You don't believe in Santa, do ya?

Calvin... Here, try the brown ones.

Can I get you a drink? No, I don't want a drink.

Can we continue here? Okay.

Can you hear me? Though the night seems long and dark

Charlie, do you know how to call 911? Sure. 911.

Charlie, what are you talkin' about? You know, "it came a big noise."

Charlie! Then I went with him to deliver all the presents.

Charlie? Charlie. Oh, my God, Charlie.

Charlie? Yeah?

Charlie. Bernard, gave me this.

Christmas "I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Coffee? No, thank you, Judy.

Coffee. Decaf. Mm hmm.

Come on, Charlie, we're going home. But we just started.

Come on, Dad! Charlie, wait up!

Come on, Dad. I wanna go too. Stop it, Charlie. We're not goin' anywhere.

Compact disc. No. Cookie/ cocoa dispenser.

Dad burnt the turkey. Oh, yeah. This way. Come on.

Dad, you gotta see this place. You leave tomorrow morning.

Dad? What is it, Charlie?

Did you have a good time? Great time! The best!

Did you want to come in for a minute? Neal's waiting in the car, so...

Do you have any concept of how dangerous this is to a little boy? Whoa.

Do you wanna go for a quick ride? Yeah!

Don't even kid about a thing like that. Why not?

Don't touch anything! It's great!

Early? Yes.

Get the bag of toys. And do what?

Go down the chimney. Down the chimney?

Goodbye, Charlie. Bye, Dad.

Great! G Go and make some coffee. Come on, Dad. Let's go!

Have you ever seen a reindeer fly? Yes.

He is. She is.

He's makin'a list Checkin'it twice

He's smart. He's a doctor. He's not a doctor. He's a psychiatrist.

Hello! Their precious keep

Hello? Mom. Oh, Charlie. Oh, my God.

Here we go. Burn the turkey?

Here you go, sir. Thanks. Return to your homes!

Here. The Santa Claus?

Hey, Barabbas. Bernard!

Hey, buddy, we need some help. Hold you in

Hey, Dad, he called me "sport" just like you. Wonderful.

Hey, Neal. Scott.

Hey, sport. Dad!

Hey, you! What's that...

Hey! He's my ex husband, and he's already up the chimney.

Hi there. Hi. I got a delivery for S.C.

Hi, Bernard. Hiya, sport.

Hi, Dad. You wanna take a walk? I wanna talk to you.

Hiya, sport. Bernard, can I go? Please, can I go, Bernard?

Hold on now. Wait a minute. Wait, I'm not done.

Horns. Antlers.

How come you don't have a beard? Because I shaved!

How'd I get the pyjamas? I told you. Judy.

How'd you do that? Tinsel. Not just for decoration.

Huh? "Out by the roof there's a Rose Suchak ladder."

Huh? You said you were lactose intolerant.

I brought you some cocoa. No, thanks.

I don't know what came over me. W Well, just get some help.

I don't know. What do you mean you don't know?

I don't like eggnog. We're out.

I don't like eggnog. We're out.

I just want to... Did that jerk tell Charlie there was no Santa Claus?

I read him a book. What book?

I think it's the North Pole. The stars that dot

I think the milk's a little sour. It's soy milk.

I'll have chocolate milk, please. We're out.

I'll just take the next train. Dad, come on!

I'm dreaming "had just settled down for a long winter's nap.

I'm fine, Mom. Are you okay? Look at me.

I'm not comin' back here on Thanksgiving. I'll ship the list to your house.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay! Look! You're flying!

I'm sorry, Charlie. That's okay, Neal.

I'm the dolly... Why do you guys always have to fight?

I'm this close. So you still believe you're Santa?

I'm tired of this small talk. Hmm.

Incoming! Oh, please.

Is that a problem with you? That's my responsibility, isn't it? All right. So?

Is this okay, Dad? No, it's not okay!

It is the earth What's that?

It might come in handy. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

It'll be okay, kids. Let him go! Let Santa go!

It's an American institution. Glisten

It's light, yet durable. And you can wear the jumpsuit under your coat and pants.

It's not even my suit. It's a rental. All your hugs and kisses too

Johnny, naughty. Johnny, wait up.

Judy gave them to you. Judy. Really.

Judy. Santa.

Just gone to sleep I don't know.

Just like the ones I used to know It's always open. I don't wanna eat here.

Just like the poem. Just like the poem?

keeping his feet on the ground. You bet.

Leave her out of this. Don't you burp me, don't you change me

Let's get over here and check your pulse. All right.

Let's go! Go!

Look at him. Shoo.

Look, you're... you're a businessman, right? Yeah.

Make sure you do. I will.

Maybe there's a list. A list. How silly of me.

Merry Christmas, Sara. Merry Christmas, Santa.

Merry Christmas. Bye, Dad. Thanks for a great night at the North Pole.

Miracle On 34th Street, starring Natalie Wood and... To hear sleigh bells in the snow...

My hat? It's lined with a two way radio.

Name? Pere Noel.

Name? Sinter Klas.

Nice jammies. Thanks. About what you said in the house.

No, but they really are elves. Whatever, honey.

No, Charlie, wait. No, don't hang up the phone, honey. Don't worry, Mom. Everything's fine.

No, Charlie. No, no, no. No! No, wait, Charlie.

No, Charlie... Ch... Charlie. Santa disappeared and my dad took his place.

No, Larry, don't do that. Charlie! He'll be okay.

No! But I've been practising.

Not for you, fat boy. "Fat boy"? Guys.

Now Dasher, now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! All your hugs and kisses too

Now, hop out of there, please. I don't wanna go.

Of a white Christmas All right. Denny's.

Oh, big surprise. What do you think? It's just nice to hear it from him.

Oh, boy. That's not what I mean, Dad.

Oh, Charlie. I missed you, honey. Mom, I'm fine. It's okay.

Oh, no. Problem?

Oh, sorry I'm late. Hi. Hi.

Oh, you mean like a secret. Yes. Like a secret. Let's keep it a secret.

Okay, Dad. All right.

Okay, stand back, folks. Give us some room. I'm scared, Dad.

Okay! Come on. It's Christmas morning.

Ooh! Told ya.

Plain milk's fine. Okay.

Proof? Why can't we both think of it as just a great dream and forget about it?

Quintin, good to meet ya. Hello, Santa.

Really? But I don't finish all the milk.

Really? He can come back to see you...

Right over there. Thank you.

Right. Wait a minute. How do I know who's good and bad?

Santa Claus is coming Whoa! We can't stop.

Santa? It's okay, Neal.

Santa? Scott Calvin.

Santa? Scott Calvin.

Scott Calvin and Susan Perry! Yeah!

See you at Christmas. Charlie, don't... Ah.

See? I gotta go. Here. Oh, come on. Come on.

Sit back. Hear our voices fill the air

So now you're Santa, okay? A question.

So... Well...

Some waitress gave you pyjamas? What's this all about?

Somebody's on the roof. Maybe it's Santa.

Something needs to shake Scott. Yeah, but...

Stay off the street. Come on, folks. Let us do our job here. Oh, my gosh. Um...

Stop shakin' me, Charlie. Come on. Get up. Get up!

Stung by a bee, Scott? A big bee.

Sure there is. You said you believed in Santa, right? I did? I do.

Sure. I made something for them at the workshop.

Sure. I'll get my coat. Okay. Hustle up.

Thank you, Charlie. My dad is Santa Claus.

That was a dream. You're in denial, Dad.

That would explain the mood swings. Mood swings?

that you stay here with your Mom and Neal. Really?

That's funny. I like that. I like that too. But I don't like...

That's ridiculous. I didn't put on the suit just to... Try to understand this!

That's the North Pole? The sky above

The North Pole. Yeah. Dad's the new Santa.

Then you gotta spend more money just to buy new parts. I thought that was the whole point.

These kids lined up all by themselves. Scott,

They all believe in you! Charlie, listen.

Think of all those kids. The only kid I'm thinkin' about is you.

To town But I have to go to the bathroom.

Uh uh uh. Nice and easy now. Oh!

W What? I heard a clatter.

W Who's the head elf? You are.

Wait a minute. What's this? Oh, that's a C.D.

Watch it, folks. I will just... Oh! Mom! Come on. Move it, lady!

Watch your head. Santa, are you all right? Santa?

We don't drink coffee. Then I guess the break is over!

We were so worried about you. Look at you. Mom, put me down. Stop kissing me!

We're here to bust out my dad. You're the Calvin boy.

Well, Charlie, I guess I... I better go. I'll get my stuff.

Well, I haven't. Have you ever seen a million dollars?

Well, what's your diet like? Milk and cookies.

Well... Maybe it's time you left.

What about the elves? They look so funny.

What are you doing? So close your eyes and come with me

What are you talkin' about? Everybody likes Denny's. Where those treetops

What contract? The card in the Santa suit. You said you read it, right?

What list? Come on, now. The list.

What the... What? Scott?

What, Charlie? There! A clatter!

What? I shave in the morning and in the afternoon I look like this.

What? When can I get outta here?

What's so funny? Nothing.

What's that? What's what?

Where did you hear that? From Neal.

Where is he? Well, he could be in his room,

Where'd you get them? I don't know.

Where's Charlie? I want to talk to him. He's with the judge.

Where's the boy? He's in the sleigh.

Which one's your favourite reindeer? Comet.

Who showed you the workshop? The elf.

Who? Up in the North Pole.

Who's this? This... This is my son, Charlie.

Whoa, whoa. "How dangerous"? Mom, what's the matter?

Whoa! He's naked somewhere.

Whoa! Whoa! Yeah! Let's go! Whoa!

Why doesn't he come in? 'Cause, Daddy, he says you'll just end up saying something snotty.

Why not? Well, sometimes some things, big things,

Why not? Well, sometimes some things, big things,

Why's that? I'm talking to an elf.

Will you pick me up tomorrow? Of course.

Wow. And most important of all, your hat.

Y You're falling apart. I know! I know.

Yeah, but you're never around, are you, Scott? Oh, oh, please.

Yeah, I read the card. Then you're the new Santa.

Yeah, turkey's funny that way. Dad!

Yeah, well, look at my hair. It's turnin' grey. Oh, it's middle age, buddy.

Yeah. Well, all you gotta do...

Yes, sweetheart? Do you make the toys?

You are. No, no, no. Uh...

You be a good boy, okay? Bye, Mom.

You bet I did. We better go.

You better not pout I'm tellin' you why Come on, Dancer. Come on, Prancer.

You don't like him very much, do ya, Dad? Charlie, yeah...

You forgot the sash. You're right.

You goin' to your mom's for dinner? Actually, we're gonna be with Neal's family.

You gonna put on the suit like the card said? Are you? No. No.

You got him! Charlie, stay where you are.

You got the card? Oh!

You know, where they make all the toys? Gee, thanks for...

You never do what I wanna do! Would you please be quiet for a minute so I can figure this out?

You ready to go, sport? You betcha, Dad. Gimme all your lovin'

You S. C? Scott Calvin, that's me.

You, sir! Hey! You can see a magic light

You! You! Take that! Come on! Come on! Stay away from the truck.

You'll know. What if I don't want to do this?

You're fatter this year. Thank you very much. You've grown too.

You're missing the point. What is the point?

You're not supposed to be here. Don't make me beat you up, Neal.

Your Christmas will be perfect... Just like the ones I used to know

... 15 in the morning. It's gonna be a beautiful day.

... with its own built in turkey timer.

...and to all a good night."

'Cause it looks like Santa just took out the Pearson home.

'Cause what you got is oh, so sweet

'Ey!

"A Rose Suchak ladder"?

"and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus...

"And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap...

"Armand Assante"?

"Away to the window I flew like a flash.

"From Comet, To Santa." Did you make the card?

"If something should happen to me, put on my suit. The reindeer will know what to do."

"in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so...

"Supposed to drink the milk."

"the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied,

"With a miniature sleigh and St. Nich... and Prancer and Dancer...

1200 years? That's right.