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Time Bandits (1981) Time Bandits is a highly imaginative and whimsical film that was released in 1981. Directed by Terry

Time Bandits (1981)

Time Bandits is a highly imaginative and whimsical film that was released in 1981. Directed by Terry Gilliam, the movie combines elements of fantasy, adventure, and comedy to create a truly unique viewing experience. Set in various time periods, it follows the journey of a young boy named Kevin, who embarks on an extraordinary adventure with a group of mischievous time-traveling dwarves known as the Time Bandits.

The film boasts an impressive cast that brings their characters to life with charm and wit. The central role of Kevin is portrayed by Craig Warnock, who captures the innocence and curiosity of a young boy effortlessly. Joining him on his escapades are the six time-traveling dwarves, played by David Rappaport, Kenny Baker, Jack Purvis, Malcolm Dixon, Mike Edmonds, and Tiny Ross.

As Kevin and the Time Bandits journey through different eras, they encounter historical figures such as Napoleon Bonaparte (played hilariously by Ian Holm), Robin Hood (played by John Cleese), and even the mythical ancient Greek figure of Agamemnon (played by Sean Connery). Their interactions with these iconic characters provide plenty of comedic moments and contribute to the film's overall charm.

With its imaginative storytelling and witty dialogue, Time Bandits captivates audiences of all ages. It tackles themes of greed, morality, and the consequences of tampering with time. The film's stunning visual effects and creative set designs further enhance the fantastical elements of the story.

If you're a fan of adventure, fantasy, and comedy, you'll definitely want to give Time Bandits a watch. Fortunately, you can easily enjoy the sounds and music from the film by playing or downloading them here. The score, composed by Mike Moran, beautifully complements the film's whimsical atmosphere and adds another layer of enchantment to the overall experience.

So grab a seat, prepare to be transported through time, and join Kevin and the Time Bandits on an unforgettable journey that will tickle your imagination and leave you smiling.

A dumpy little five footer.
A dumpy little five footer.
A mastery miracle of modern magic before your very eyes.
A mastery miracle of modern magic before your very eyes.
About turn!
About turn!
Abracadee, abracadoo!
Abracadee, abracadoo!
According to this map, there's a time hole outside. See if you can find it.
According to this map, there's a time hole outside. See if you can find it.
Again! Again!
Again! Again!
Ah, fast breeder reactors...
Ah, fast breeder reactors...
Ah, you mean eat their boots?
Ah, you mean eat their boots?
Ah.
Ah.
Aha!
Aha!
Ahh.
Ahh.
Alexander the Great, whose empire stretched from India to Hungary
Alexander the Great, whose empire stretched from India to Hungary
Alexander the Great...
Alexander the Great...
All clear.
All clear.
All clear. Wally?
All clear. Wally?
All hands on the tiller!
All hands on the tiller!
All right! Do it!
All right! Do it!
All right. Okay.
All right. Okay.
All three are to receive summary executions today.
All three are to receive summary executions today.
An infrared freezer/oven complex...
An infrared freezer/oven complex...
And do you enjoy robbing, then?
And do you enjoy robbing, then?
And fast breeder reactors?
And fast breeder reactors?
And gargle.
And gargle.
And heir to the throne of Mycenae.
And heir to the throne of Mycenae.
And here they are the winners of the most fabulous object in the world.
And here they are the winners of the most fabulous object in the world.
And inside the fortress of ultimate darkness,
And inside the fortress of ultimate darkness,
And it's practically below our feet!
And it's practically below our feet!
And just on the other side,
And just on the other side,
And leer at them.
And leer at them.
And now we will ride full tilt to Dover, and there embark for France.
And now we will ride full tilt to Dover, and there embark for France.
And one more for luck. Heave!
And one more for luck. Heave!
And plenty of ice.
And plenty of ice.
And pull them in.
And pull them in.
And push!
And push!
And that's where this comes in. This is the only map of all the holes.
And that's where this comes in. This is the only map of all the holes.
And the day after tomorrow,
And the day after tomorrow,
And the fire into a mighty rushing wind which will cover the face of the earth...
And the fire into a mighty rushing wind which will cover the face of the earth...
And the ointment for the leg.
And the ointment for the leg.
And the skies into rivers, and fjords into deserts.
And the skies into rivers, and fjords into deserts.
And the world will be different because I have understanding.
And the world will be different because I have understanding.
And then wait for it to go down.
And then wait for it to go down.
And this King Agamemnon, he once fought
And this King Agamemnon, he once fought
And three quarters.
And three quarters.
And when He did trees and shrubs, we helped make all this.
And when He did trees and shrubs, we helped make all this.
And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being.
And when I have understanding of computers, I shall be the Supreme Being.
And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers.
And when I have understanding of them, I shall have understanding of computers.
And wipe clean the scourge of woolly thinking once and for all.
And wipe clean the scourge of woolly thinking once and for all.
And you might at least walk out of here on human feet.
And you might at least walk out of here on human feet.
And you're a robber too? How long have you been a robber?
And you're a robber too? How long have you been a robber?
And you're just wasting it.
And you're just wasting it.
Anti pollution! Wife!
Anti pollution! Wife!
Any chance we might have our old jobs back, sir.
Any chance we might have our old jobs back, sir.
Anyone else wanna go?
Anyone else wanna go?
Anyone who's always right makes me sick.
Anyone who's always right makes me sick.
Are they in the pot, dear?
Are they in the pot, dear?
Are we not in the hands of a lunatic?
Are we not in the hands of a lunatic?
Are you all right, dear?
Are you all right, dear?
Are you sure we're not in somebody's bedroom?
Are you sure we're not in somebody's bedroom?
Are you unable to escape from this fortress?
Are you unable to escape from this fortress?
Aren't they lovely? We can have them for breakfast.
Aren't they lovely? We can have them for breakfast.
As a disciplinary measure, we were sent down to the repairs department.
As a disciplinary measure, we were sent down to the repairs department.
As long as this wind keeps up, nothing can go wrong.
As long as this wind keeps up, nothing can go wrong.
As long as this wind keeps up, nothing can go wrong.
As long as this wind keeps up, nothing can go wrong.
Ask me!
Ask me!
At last, I can really cough!
At last, I can really cough!
Athena?
Athena?
Attila the Hun, 5' 11/2".
Attila the Hun, 5' 11/2".
Awful people.
Awful people.
Bad back? Me? An ogre?
Bad back? Me? An ogre?
Be quiet, Benson!
Be quiet, Benson!
Be quiet!
Be quiet!
Because I thought they were all small, you know?
Because I thought they were all small, you know?
Because now I can ask you what I've always wanted to ask you.
Because now I can ask you what I've always wanted to ask you.
Because when you hear what I've got planned,
Because when you hear what I've got planned,
Bedtime for you, Kevin. It's 9:00.
Bedtime for you, Kevin. It's 9:00.
Benson, what would look nice?
Benson, what would look nice?
Benson.
Benson.
Better? No.
Better? No.
Between your gang and our gang,
Between your gang and our gang,
Block of ice to beef bourguignon in eight seconds.
Block of ice to beef bourguignon in eight seconds.
Bravo!
Bravo!
Brilliant, Evil One.
Brilliant, Evil One.
Bring them on, girls. Oh, don't they look gorgeous?
Bring them on, girls. Oh, don't they look gorgeous?
But also considerably less poor, aren't they, Redgrave?
But also considerably less poor, aren't they, Redgrave?
But before they collect their prize, let's just have a look at what made it possible...
But before they collect their prize, let's just have a look at what made it possible...
But He created you, Evil One.
But He created you, Evil One.
But I only want to talk to the boss.
But I only want to talk to the boss.
But I think I'll just transfer you to the undergrowth department
But I think I'll just transfer you to the undergrowth department
But I thought you were international criminals.
But I thought you were international criminals.
But I've never seen anything like this.
But I've never seen anything like this.
But that's because they're poor.
But that's because they're poor.
But why, if that's the case,
But why, if that's the case,
But you are horrible, dear.
But you are horrible, dear.
But you can't leave it with him, or he'll destroy the world!
But you can't leave it with him, or he'll destroy the world!
But, but he's dead, Randall.
But, but he's dead, Randall.
But, sir, he deserves something.
But, sir, he deserves something.
Call off those, those creatures, or I'll destroy the map forever.
Call off those, those creatures, or I'll destroy the map forever.
Castiglione, or what Napoleon's left of it.
Castiglione, or what Napoleon's left of it.
Catch all! Come on!
Catch all! Come on!
Charge!
Charge!
Charlemagne...
Charlemagne...
Cheer up, Kevin. Kings aren't the only ones with money, you know.
Cheer up, Kevin. Kings aren't the only ones with money, you know.
Cheerio. Thank you very much.
Cheerio. Thank you very much.
Come back!
Come back!
Come back!
Come back!
Come here. I'll teach you something much more useful.
Come here. I'll teach you something much more useful.
Come on back!
Come on back!
Come on, Beryl. Come on. Jumbo's gonna end up in the souffle, Beryl.
Come on, Beryl. Come on. Jumbo's gonna end up in the souffle, Beryl.
Come on, boy. You come with us.
Come on, boy. You come with us.
Come on, now. There's a good fellow.
Come on, now. There's a good fellow.
Come on, then. Back to creation.
Come on, then. Back to creation.
Come on, you lot, push!
Come on, you lot, push!
Come on, you weasels.
Come on, you weasels.
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come on!
Come on! Come!
Come on! Come!
Come on! Throw!
Come on! Throw!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Fidgit!
Come on. Fidgit!
Come on. Lead us in a big hand for the lucky winners!
Come on. Lead us in a big hand for the lucky winners!
Come with us if you know what's good for you.
Come with us if you know what's good for you.
Could you share a house with a chap who has a thing like this on the end of his nose?
Could you share a house with a chap who has a thing like this on the end of his nose?
Crikey! I mean, I've been in robbing for years,
Crikey! I mean, I've been in robbing for years,
Crumbs! And you acquired all of this by yourselves?
Crumbs! And you acquired all of this by yourselves?
Cyrano de Bergerac, 5' 31/2".
Cyrano de Bergerac, 5' 31/2".
D D Does your back hurt?
D D Does your back hurt?
Dad, did you know that the ancient Greek warriors...
Dad, did you know that the ancient Greek warriors...
Dad!
Dad!
Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Dear Benson, you are so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence.
Do be careful.
Do be careful.
Do you mean you knew what was happening to us all the time?
Do you mean you knew what was happening to us all the time?
Do you understand the question, my darling?
Do you understand the question, my darling?
Do you wanna bet?
Do you wanna bet?
Don't be silly.
Don't be silly.
Don't go! Help! Don't leave me!
Don't go! Help! Don't leave me!
Don't leave me! Please!
Don't leave me! Please!
Don't leave me! Please! Wait!
Don't leave me! Please! Wait!
Don't lose any of that stuff. That's concentrated evil.
Don't lose any of that stuff. That's concentrated evil.
Don't stand so close to me, Neguy!
Don't stand so close to me, Neguy!
Don't try and be smart with me, you little creep.
Don't try and be smart with me, you little creep.
Don't you dare to tell me my business.
Don't you dare to tell me my business.
Don't! Help me!
Don't! Help me!
Down there! The little one has it.
Down there! The little one has it.
Drugs! Hey! I've got an idea!
Drugs! Hey! I've got an idea!
Especially now that we've got you, Kevin.
Especially now that we've got you, Kevin.
Every little bit.
Every little bit.
Everybody below decks!
Everybody below decks!
Evil existed long before good.
Evil existed long before good.
Evil turned out rather well. Mm hmm.
Evil turned out rather well. Mm hmm.
Evil! He killed my friend!
Evil! He killed my friend!
Fabulous.
Fabulous.
Fantastic.
Fantastic.
Farmers!
Farmers!
Fidgit, Fidgit's dead.
Fidgit, Fidgit's dead.
Fidgit, you're not supposed to eat that.
Fidgit, you're not supposed to eat that.
Fidgit!
Fidgit!
Fidgit?
Fidgit?
Fidgit's dead.
Fidgit's dead.
Filling every corner of my being with the desire to do wrong.
Filling every corner of my being with the desire to do wrong.
Five feet exactly.
Five feet exactly.
Five hundred years before the man we just robbed was even born.
Five hundred years before the man we just robbed was even born.
For making calculations.
For making calculations.
For the generation of fissile isotopes.
For the generation of fissile isotopes.
For them to be here with us tonight.
For them to be here with us tonight.
Four horses have I exhausted this day from Nottingham.
Four horses have I exhausted this day from Nottingham.
Furthermore, he shall from this day forward be my own son...
Furthermore, he shall from this day forward be my own son...
Get back? To where?
Get back? To where?
Get down!
Get down!
Get down! Get down!
Get down! Get down!
Get him!
Get him!
Get it!
Get it!
Get me down!
Get me down!
Get off me! Get
Get off me! Get
Get out of the way, Fidgit!
Get out of the way, Fidgit!
Get under here. Hold him, Strutter.
Get under here. Hold him, Strutter.
Give me that!
Give me that!
Give me the map,
Give me the map,
Give us some more.
Give us some more.
Gives you all the time in the world to do the things you really want to do.
Gives you all the time in the world to do the things you really want to do.
Go away!
Go away!
Go down the time hole. Go wherever you can and get help.
Go down the time hole. Go wherever you can and get help.
Go on, dear. Your father said.
Go on, dear. Your father said.
Go, Kevin! Just get away!
Go, Kevin! Just get away!
Go, Vermin!
Go, Vermin!
Go!
Go!
God, how I, how I love her.
God, how I, how I love her.
Going to be. Going to be.
Going to be. Going to be.
Good morning, scum.
Good morning, scum.
Gosh! I say!
Gosh! I say!
Got him!
Got him!
Grab the loot.
Grab the loot.
Great streaks of misery.
Great streaks of misery.
Had to learn 44 different ways of unarmed combat?
Had to learn 44 different ways of unarmed combat?
Hail King Agamemnon!
Hail King Agamemnon!
Half carrot?
Half carrot?
Half donkey?
Half donkey?
Half warthog? Half oyster?
Half warthog? Half oyster?
Hang on. He's just a kid. He's not one of us.
Hang on. He's just a kid. He's not one of us.
Hatracks, boxes.
Hatracks, boxes.
He eats anything, you know.
He eats anything, you know.
He knows an awful lot.
He knows an awful lot.
He knows nothing of the potential of the micro chip or the silicon revolution.
He knows nothing of the potential of the micro chip or the silicon revolution.
He used to be our employer. He made all the big stuff,
He used to be our employer. He made all the big stuff,
He's going!
He's going!
He's obviously a dangerous man. Unbalanced, if you ask me.
He's obviously a dangerous man. Unbalanced, if you ask me.
He's okay! He's okay!
He's okay! He's okay!
He's stronger than the rest. Who is he?
He's stronger than the rest. Who is he?
Heave again!
Heave again!
Heave!
Heave!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello. I I'm Hood.
Hello. I I'm Hood.
Help us! Please! Help us!
Help us! Please! Help us!
Help! Get off!
Help! Get off!
Help! Help I say!
Help! Help I say!
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
Help! Robbers!
Help! Robbers!
Here they are. Congratulations.
Here they are. Congratulations.
Here we are, darling.
Here we are, darling.
Here we go! Geronimo!
Here we go! Geronimo!
Here, dear. Leave that to me, please.
Here, dear. Leave that to me, please.
Here, you better take this. You'll need it. It's water.
Here, you better take this. You'll need it. It's water.
Here!
Here!
Heroes! Heroes! What do they know about a day's work?
Heroes! Heroes! What do they know about a day's work?
Hey, come on! Smile!
Hey, come on! Smile!
Hey, hold it there.
Hey, hold it there.
Hey, that's 16th century! It's nice, isn't it?
Hey, that's 16th century! It's nice, isn't it?
Hey, what's out there?
Hey, what's out there?
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Don't go! Stop!
Hey! Don't go! Stop!
Hey! Help! Stop!
Hey! Help! Stop!
Hey! Hey, I can swim!
Hey! Hey, I can swim!
Hey! Hey! Don't leave me!
Hey! Hey! Don't leave me!
Hey! Look, look! Quick! Come on! Look!
Hey! Look, look! Quick! Come on! Look!
Hey! Oh!
Hey! Oh!
Hey! Put me down! Put me down!
Hey! Put me down! Put me down!
Hey! You can't go!
Hey! You can't go!
Hey. Yeah!
Hey. Yeah!
His face, dummy!
His face, dummy!
Hmm... in the Middle Ages.
Hmm... in the Middle Ages.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Hold on! Hey! Hey!
Hold on! Hey! Hey!
Hold tight! Keep straight!
Hold tight! Keep straight!
Hold your fingers.
Hold your fingers.
Honestly, I'm too tired.
Honestly, I'm too tired.
Honestly, Trevor. If you'd been half a man,
Honestly, Trevor. If you'd been half a man,
How about it? Eh?
How about it? Eh?
How about the Great Rumbozo?
How about the Great Rumbozo?
How could I know we were gonna run slap bang into an iceberg?
How could I know we were gonna run slap bang into an iceberg?
How're we doing now, Randall?
How're we doing now, Randall?
Huh?
Huh?
Hurry! Help me!
Hurry! Help me!
I am all powerful!
I am all powerful!
I bet you've killed lots of people.
I bet you've killed lots of people.
I can cough!
I can cough!
I can feel it. Can I go to bed now?
I can feel it. Can I go to bed now?
I can see it's the map. What use is that to us now?
I can see it's the map. What use is that to us now?
I can't swim! I can't swim!
I can't swim! I can't swim!
I control them!
I control them!
I could scarce restrain the rushing of my feet.
I could scarce restrain the rushing of my feet.
I don't believe it!
I don't believe it!
I don't believe the way you killed him.
I don't believe the way you killed him.
I don't know, but it hurts.
I don't know, but it hurts.
I don't know, master. I haven't seen him before.
I don't know, master. I haven't seen him before.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know. We've never done one before.
I don't know. We've never done one before.
I don't understand. What's so special about that map?
I don't understand. What's so special about that map?
I feel the power of evil coursing through my veins,
I feel the power of evil coursing through my veins,
I gave it to you. You silly man. And that.
I gave it to you. You silly man. And that.
I got it.
I got it.
I guess we'll have a lynchin', eh? Yippee!
I guess we'll have a lynchin', eh? Yippee!
I had to have some way of testing my handiwork.
I had to have some way of testing my handiwork.
I have decreed that this boy shall remain here with us in our city.
I have decreed that this boy shall remain here with us in our city.
I heard they was really tiny guys.
I heard they was really tiny guys.
I made myself. I cannot be unmade.
I made myself. I cannot be unmade.
I must know everything.
I must know everything.
I must wait. You see, I'm with friends.
I must wait. You see, I'm with friends.
I never touched it!
I never touched it!
I promise you, this is it!
I promise you, this is it!
I really should do something very extrovert and vengeful with you.
I really should do something very extrovert and vengeful with you.
I say, my fiance and I would appreciate a bit of assistance.
I say, my fiance and I would appreciate a bit of assistance.
I think I should teach you one of my special lessons.
I think I should teach you one of my special lessons.
I think it turned out rather well.
I think it turned out rather well.
I think so.
I think so.
I think that the mayor of Castiglione and his council...
I think that the mayor of Castiglione and his council...
I think there's something that you should know.
I think there's something that you should know.
I told you to put that light out and get to bed.
I told you to put that light out and get to bed.
I told you. You stick with me, and you won't go far wrong.
I told you. You stick with me, and you won't go far wrong.
I want all this stuff picked up.
I want all this stuff picked up.
I want to go home! I can't stand it!
I want to go home! I can't stand it!
I was havin' a close look at the map last night. Do you know what I found?
I was havin' a close look at the map last night. Do you know what I found?
I will turn you inside out over a very long period of time.
I will turn you inside out over a very long period of time.
I wonder if you would like to see some of our other items.
I wonder if you would like to see some of our other items.
I would have started with lasers, 8:00 day one.
I would have started with lasers, 8:00 day one.
I wouldn't call this exactly... wasting it.
I wouldn't call this exactly... wasting it.
I wouldn't entrust them to wipe their own noses.
I wouldn't entrust them to wipe their own noses.
I, I was just wondering if there's, um,
I, I was just wondering if there's, um,
I'd like to explain everything.
I'd like to explain everything.
I'll kill him!
I'll kill him!
I'll kill him! Get off me!
I'll kill him! Get off me!
I'm a reasonable man.
I'm a reasonable man.
I'm coming! I'm coming!
I'm coming! I'm coming!
I'm going to have some new generals for a bit.
I'm going to have some new generals for a bit.
I'm not quite sure.
I'm not quite sure.
I'm not really sure.
I'm not really sure.
I'm not trying to be smart. I'm just trying to help.
I'm not trying to be smart. I'm just trying to help.
I'm sorry, sir, but
I'm sorry, sir, but
I'm sorry, sir.
I'm sorry, sir.
I've got a better idea.
I've got a better idea.
I've got an idea forming in my head.
I've got an idea forming in my head.
I've got an idea. We can use the river.
I've got an idea. We can use the river.
I've told you about that before.
I've told you about that before.
If I were creating a world, I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils.
If I were creating a world, I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils.
If the queen wishes to see me, I'll be in the courts all afternoon.
If the queen wishes to see me, I'll be in the courts all afternoon.
If we can borrow this for a moment, sir.
If we can borrow this for a moment, sir.
If you want to play it smart, I'll introduce you to Vermin.
If you want to play it smart, I'll introduce you to Vermin.
If you're wrong, Benson, my revenge will be slow and unpleasant.
If you're wrong, Benson, my revenge will be slow and unpleasant.
In 15 and a half seconds.
In 15 and a half seconds.
In numerical or logical terms.
In numerical or logical terms.
In order to lull Him into a false sense of security.
In order to lull Him into a false sense of security.
In the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?
In the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?
Incidentally, would any of you like to stay on and help us with our work?
Incidentally, would any of you like to stay on and help us with our work?
Is it always like this when you've done a raid?
Is it always like this when you've done a raid?
Is it not the workings of a complete incompetent?
Is it not the workings of a complete incompetent?
Is that Is that absolutely necessary?
Is that Is that absolutely necessary?
Is what famous film star begins with "C"?
Is what famous film star begins with "C"?
Isn't that incredible?
Isn't that incredible?
It came off just like that. The whole thermostat.
It came off just like that. The whole thermostat.
It didn't sound like him, did it?
It didn't sound like him, did it?
It does exist.
It does exist.
It doesn't even look like him.
It doesn't even look like him.
It doesn't matter where we are. You just gotta believe in it!
It doesn't matter where we are. You just gotta believe in it!
It is off.
It is off.
It must have been a brilliant battle. Choo! Choo!
It must have been a brilliant battle. Choo! Choo!
It was a bit of a botched job. We only had seven days to make it.
It was a bit of a botched job. We only had seven days to make it.
It will bring you great danger!
It will bring you great danger!
It's a bit tight.
It's a bit tight.
It's a kid!
It's a kid!
It's a very funny act. They swallow brushes.
It's a very funny act. They swallow brushes.
It's about the map.
It's about the map.
It's coming this way! Run for it!
It's coming this way! Run for it!
It's him! Run for it!
It's him! Run for it!
It's like being on the bottom of a bloody well!
It's like being on the bottom of a bloody well!
It's not as bad as it looks.
It's not as bad as it looks.
It's only the thing on my nose and the hairpiece! Everything else is fine!
It's only the thing on my nose and the hairpiece! Everything else is fine!
It's over there. Quick! Come on!
It's over there. Quick! Come on!
It's raining, pudding head!
It's raining, pudding head!
It's some kind of invisible barrier.
It's some kind of invisible barrier.
It's the map!
It's the map!
It's too dangerous to stay here. He's probably still after us.
It's too dangerous to stay here. He's probably still after us.
It's very funny.
It's very funny.
Jolly good.
Jolly good.
Jolly good.
Jolly good.
Jolly good. And you're a robber, are you?
Jolly good. And you're a robber, are you?
Jolly good. What's your name?
Jolly good. What's your name?
Just because you think I'm small.
Just because you think I'm small.
Just fine.
Just fine.
Just fine.
Just fine.
Just leave this to me, Wally. We've just got to treat them right.
Just leave this to me, Wally. We've just got to treat them right.
Just shout horribly...
Just shout horribly...
Just tell us how we get out of here, keep quiet and you won't get hurt.
Just tell us how we get out of here, keep quiet and you won't get hurt.
Kevin, let's get out of here!
Kevin, let's get out of here!
Kevin, you're a genius!
Kevin, you're a genius!
Kevin?
Kevin?
Kings aren't supposed to do things like that.
Kings aren't supposed to do things like that.
Last thing we want to do is see him again. Come on.
Last thing we want to do is see him again. Come on.
Left the Sunday joint cookin' all night, didn't we?
Left the Sunday joint cookin' all night, didn't we?
Left, right!
Left, right!
Let us out!
Let us out!
Let us out! Come back!
Let us out! Come back!
Let's get out of here!
Let's get out of here!
Let's go back! We'll all die out here!
Let's go back! We'll all die out here!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Let's have that.
Let's have that.
Let's meet today's star guest on Your Money Or Your Life.
Let's meet today's star guest on Your Money Or Your Life.
Let's see. What have we here?
Let's see. What have we here?
Like good and evil, men and women, night and day.
Like good and evil, men and women, night and day.
Listen, I've got a few ideas for, uh, a linkup...
Listen, I've got a few ideas for, uh, a linkup...
Look at that! Look at the little fellow!
Look at that! Look at the little fellow!
Look at them. Stunted little proles.
Look at them. Stunted little proles.
Look at these bloody spots.
Look at these bloody spots.
Look at this. Quickly!
Look at this. Quickly!
Look how He spends His time. Forty three species of parrots!
Look how He spends His time. Forty three species of parrots!
Look out!
Look out!
Look what you've done, boy.
Look what you've done, boy.
Look, closer. The time of legends, see?
Look, closer. The time of legends, see?
Look!
Look!
Look! We're so close!
Look! We're so close!
Look.
Look.
Look.
Look.
Lose yourself, leprechaun.
Lose yourself, leprechaun.
Louis IV, 5' 21/2".
Louis IV, 5' 21/2".
Lucky things.
Lucky things.
Magnificent.
Magnificent.
Marvelous show.
Marvelous show.
Mine, sir.
Mine, sir.
Mom!
Mom!
Mom?
Mom?
Mon Commander, they are very keen to surrender.
Mon Commander, they are very keen to surrender.
Monsieur Commander...
Monsieur Commander...
More! I want more!
More! I want more!
Morning, dear.
Morning, dear.
Move yourself, lad.
Move yourself, lad.
Napoleon?
Napoleon?
Never talk to me like that again!
Never talk to me like that again!
Next!
Next!
No less a work than the overthrowing of creation itself.
No less a work than the overthrowing of creation itself.
No one created me! I am Evil!
No one created me! I am Evil!
No, Beryl. Capetown is not a film star.
No, Beryl. Capetown is not a film star.
No, Commander, you are not small at all.
No, Commander, you are not small at all.
No, dear. I mean, eat all of them.
No, dear. I mean, eat all of them.
No, no, I don't have to wear the special anymore.
No, no, I don't have to wear the special anymore.
No, no, please. I'd like to come.
No, no, please. I'd like to come.
No, no! They're all freaks!
No, no! They're all freaks!
No, no! They're all freaks!
No, no! They're all freaks!
No, none for me, thank you. I'll stick with the quail's eyeballs.
No, none for me, thank you. I'll stick with the quail's eyeballs.
No, not by any means. Five foot one is not small.
No, not by any means. Five foot one is not small.
No, of course not. This isn't a school outing.
No, of course not. This isn't a school outing.
No, thanks.
No, thanks.
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No!
No! Come out here and help me!
No! Come out here and help me!
No! Leave me!
No! Leave me!
No! Look!
No! Look!
No! Please, no!
No! Please, no!
No?
No?
No.
No.
No. How about, uh
No. How about, uh
No. I'll take one other.
No. I'll take one other.
No. It's your nerves, dear.
No. It's your nerves, dear.
No. No.
No. No.
No. Please. I'd like to come, really.
No. Please. I'd like to come, really.
Noisy manifestation.
Noisy manifestation.
Not a big man at all.
Not a big man at all.
Not like that Og.
Not like that Og.
Not one of them under five foot six.
Not one of them under five foot six.
Now I want every bit of Evil...
Now I want every bit of Evil...
Now it's prawns all the bloody time!
Now it's prawns all the bloody time!
Now we must bait the hook, see if they bite...
Now we must bait the hook, see if they bite...
Now, Benson, I shall have to turn you into a dog for a while.
Now, Benson, I shall have to turn you into a dog for a while.
Now, we've got to get into the city.
Now, we've got to get into the city.
Now!
Now!
O Creator of all the universe,
O Creator of all the universe,
O Great One! O Supreme Being!
O Great One! O Supreme Being!
Of catchin' old boots, cans,
Of catchin' old boots, cans,
Of course, my love. Everyone has something odd about them.
Of course, my love. Everyone has something odd about them.
Of course, they haven't got two pennies to rub together.
Of course, they haven't got two pennies to rub together.
Og designed it, didn't you? Yeah.
Og designed it, didn't you? Yeah.
Og, Fidgit, check the door.
Og, Fidgit, check the door.
Og!
Og!
Oh, and by the way, thank you.
Oh, and by the way, thank you.
Oh, ask me.
Oh, ask me.
Oh, at last. Oh, I say!
Oh, at last. Oh, I say!
Oh, Benson.
Oh, Benson.
Oh, but what about me back?
Oh, but what about me back?
Oh, dear me, Beryl. Now, all I want to know...
Oh, dear me, Beryl. Now, all I want to know...
Oh, dear. Oh, well. That's Your Money Or Your Life.
Oh, dear. Oh, well. That's Your Money Or Your Life.
Oh, do hurry up.
Oh, do hurry up.
Oh, don't ment What?
Oh, don't ment What?
Oh, go away!
Oh, go away!
Oh, Good Mistress Pansy, I could not have ridden faster.
Oh, Good Mistress Pansy, I could not have ridden faster.
Oh, great. But no, I can't really.
Oh, great. But no, I can't really.
Oh, I'd like to stay.
Oh, I'd like to stay.
Oh, I'm so happy 'cause I'm bus bus bus busy.
Oh, I'm so happy 'cause I'm bus bus bus busy.
Oh, my back is wonderful!
Oh, my back is wonderful!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no! Not like that!
Oh, no! Not like that!
Oh, no! Not the carvery again.
Oh, no! Not the carvery again.
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
Oh, no. I'm sorry.
Oh, Pansy. No more worries now, Pansy.
Oh, Pansy. No more worries now, Pansy.
Oh, Robert, Benson,
Oh, Robert, Benson,
Oh, Sir Vincent, you came for me!
Oh, Sir Vincent, you came for me!
Oh, stop him!
Oh, stop him!
Oh, stop it!
Oh, stop it!
Oh, thank you, master. Thank you.
Oh, thank you, master. Thank you.
Oh, the way you leapt to my chamber, so full of... manliness.
Oh, the way you leapt to my chamber, so full of... manliness.
Oh, they get lovelier every day.
Oh, they get lovelier every day.
Oh, we wouldn't dream of asking a question like that, sir.
Oh, we wouldn't dream of asking a question like that, sir.
Oh, wonderful, master! Wonderful!
Oh, wonderful, master! Wonderful!
Oh, yeah. Kevin.
Oh, yeah. Kevin.
Oh, yes, I know, and believe you me the poor are going to be not just thrilled,
Oh, yes, I know, and believe you me the poor are going to be not just thrilled,
Oh, you don't have to wear the special
Oh, you don't have to wear the special
Oh, you must meet them. I just know you'll like them.
Oh, you must meet them. I just know you'll like them.
Oh, you're joking, Randall. There's nothing over there!
Oh, you're joking, Randall. There's nothing over there!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh! I hate having to appear like that.
Oh! I hate having to appear like that.
Oh! So that's what an invisible barrier looks like.
Oh! So that's what an invisible barrier looks like.
Oh! Well, what do you call this then?
Oh! Well, what do you call this then?
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. And the personal problem?
Oh. And the personal problem?
Ohhh.
Ohhh.
Okay, Wally.
Okay, Wally.
Okay! Go, Strutter!
Okay! Go, Strutter!
Oliver Cromwell...
Oliver Cromwell...
One drop of that could turn you all into hermit crabs.
One drop of that could turn you all into hermit crabs.
One inch shorter than me.
One inch shorter than me.
One thing I can't stand, it's mess.
One thing I can't stand, it's mess.
One!
One!
Ooh!
Ooh!
Or controlling operations...
Or controlling operations...
Or the diseased left tonsil
Or the diseased left tonsil
Otherwise, Horseflesh wouldn't have put it on the map.
Otherwise, Horseflesh wouldn't have put it on the map.
Our kitchen is light years behind.
Our kitchen is light years behind.
Our kitchen's all right, isn't it?
Our kitchen's all right, isn't it?
Pansy, I'm so glad you feel the way you do.
Pansy, I'm so glad you feel the way you do.
Pansy, will you
Pansy, will you
Pansy! Pansy!
Pansy! Pansy!
Pansy. Pansy, look at me.
Pansy. Pansy, look at me.
Placed in here.
Placed in here.
Please give generously as my assistants pass amongst you.
Please give generously as my assistants pass amongst you.
Present the latest in kitchen luxury.
Present the latest in kitchen luxury.
Psst.
Psst.
Pull him up! That's it!
Pull him up! That's it!
Pull these boards out!
Pull these boards out!
Put me down!
Put me down!
Quick, Wally.
Quick, Wally.
Quick! The barn!
Quick! The barn!
Randall, go!
Randall, go!
Randall, we are in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean!
Randall, we are in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean!
Randall! Don't do it!
Randall! Don't do it!
Randall! Randall?
Randall! Randall?
Rat, anybody? Might be the last meal you get.
Rat, anybody? Might be the last meal you get.
Rather! Well, I mean, what can I say? Thank you.
Rather! Well, I mean, what can I say? Thank you.
Ready? And
Ready? And
Ready? One
Ready? One
Really, it's the most tiresome way.
Really, it's the most tiresome way.
Remind the queen that I still rule this city.
Remind the queen that I still rule this city.
Return the map!
Return the map!
Return the map.
Return the map.
Return what you have stolen from me!
Return what you have stolen from me!
Return what you have stolen from me.
Return what you have stolen from me.
Return! Return the map!
Return! Return the map!
Right, lads! Watch this!
Right, lads! Watch this!
Right.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Right. Well, we'll sort him out first.
Right. Well, we'll sort him out first.
Robert, we must plan a new world together.
Robert, we must plan a new world together.
Say good morning, you scum.
Say good morning, you scum.
See the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?
See the Fortress of Ultimate Darkness?
See, sonny? No problem.
See, sonny? No problem.
Shh!
Shh!
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Shh! Shh! Shh!
Show me more, Robert.
Show me more, Robert.
Show me... subscriber trunk dialing.
Show me... subscriber trunk dialing.
Shut up back there.
Shut up back there.
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up!
Shut up! Now, are we all here?
Shut up! Now, are we all here?
Sir, I really think there are more important things
Sir, I really think there are more important things
Sir... look!
Sir... look!
Six hundred feet high, bright red and smelled terrible.
Six hundred feet high, bright red and smelled terrible.
Six more plates of caviar, please.
Six more plates of caviar, please.
Slugs! He created slugs.
Slugs! He created slugs.
Smile.
Smile.
So damn... damn... wet.
So damn... damn... wet.
So let's get moving.
So let's get moving.
So... this is the best...
So... this is the best...
Some tasty little morsels, eh?
Some tasty little morsels, eh?
Someone hit me! Oh!
Someone hit me! Oh!
Something's going on down there. We've lost them!
Something's going on down there. We've lost them!
Sometimes I almost believe you, Randall.
Sometimes I almost believe you, Randall.
Soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones.
Soon I shall have understanding of video cassette recorders and car telephones.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry. What town is that?
Sorry. What town is that?
Sort of got rather happy about it, and, uh...
Sort of got rather happy about it, and, uh...
Squatty little chap.
Squatty little chap.
Squeeze! Squeeze!
Squeeze! Squeeze!
Stand by for mind control.
Stand by for mind control.
Stay where you are! Something's happening!
Stay where you are! Something's happening!
Stay, Benson. Guard the map.
Stay, Benson. Guard the map.
Steady. Watch it. Watch it.
Steady. Watch it. Watch it.
Still, rather expected of one, I suppose.
Still, rather expected of one, I suppose.
Stinkin' rich. Stinkin' rich.
Stinkin' rich. Stinkin' rich.
Stop them by every means in my power!
Stop them by every means in my power!
Stop whimpering, Fidgit!
Stop whimpering, Fidgit!
Stop! Stop! You never start on one.
Stop! Stop! You never start on one.
Strutter, get his torch. Shine it right in the face.
Strutter, get his torch. Shine it right in the face.
Strutter, take this!
Strutter, take this!
Strutter!
Strutter!
Strutter! Quick!
Strutter! Quick!
Stuck out in Greece lowest standard of living in Europe.
Stuck out in Greece lowest standard of living in Europe.
Sunday joint? It's Thursday.
Sunday joint? It's Thursday.
Take aim! Fire!
Take aim! Fire!
Take up the slack.
Take up the slack.
Tell me about computers.
Tell me about computers.
Ten hut!
Ten hut!
Ten hut!
Ten hut!
Terrify them.
Terrify them.
Thank you all very, very much indeed.
Thank you all very, very much indeed.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Thank you very, very, very, very much.
Thank you very, very, very, very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
That are expressible...
That are expressible...
That can make you a meal from packet to plate...
That can make you a meal from packet to plate...
That I let you borrow my map.
That I let you borrow my map.
That means the big pot and the large skewers.
That means the big pot and the large skewers.
That one.
That one.
That was no man. That was the Supreme Being.
That was no man. That was the Supreme Being.
That's a good question.
That's a good question.
That's better!
That's better!
That's better! That's wonderful!
That's better! That's wonderful!
That's diet, that is.
That's diet, that is.
That's enough, Wally!
That's enough, Wally!
That's him.
That's him.
That's it! Now!
That's it! Now!
That's it.
That's it.
That's right, Og. Show 'em we can do something right for a change.
That's right, Og. Show 'em we can do something right for a change.
That's the toaster, the spreader and the slicer all gone.
That's the toaster, the spreader and the slicer all gone.
That's what I like! Little things hitting each other!
That's what I like! Little things hitting each other!
That's what Robin Hood always did. Even I know that.
That's what Robin Hood always did. Even I know that.
The answer to all their problems and yours...
The answer to all their problems and yours...
The boss?
The boss?
The boy's insane. We can't go in there.
The boy's insane. We can't go in there.
The caviar makes me throw up, you know.
The caviar makes me throw up, you know.
The enemy of the people is dead!
The enemy of the people is dead!
The forest! It's on fire!
The forest! It's on fire!
The Fortress of Ultimate Darkness is somewhere over there, I promise you!
The Fortress of Ultimate Darkness is somewhere over there, I promise you!
The Fortress of Ultimate Darkness.
The Fortress of Ultimate Darkness.
The goal of everybody's hopes and dreams.
The goal of everybody's hopes and dreams.
The little one?
The little one?
The little puppets hitting each other.
The little puppets hitting each other.
The map, please.
The map, please.
The map, sir. The map! They've brought it with them!
The map, sir. The map! They've brought it with them!
The map? I don't understand you, Randall.
The map? I don't understand you, Randall.
The Moderna Wonder Major All Automatic Convenience Center ette...
The Moderna Wonder Major All Automatic Convenience Center ette...
The money wasn't important to him.
The money wasn't important to him.
The Morrisons have got one that can do that in eight seconds.
The Morrisons have got one that can do that in eight seconds.
The most fabulous object in the world.
The most fabulous object in the world.
The most fabulous object in the world. "
The most fabulous object in the world. "
The only man with any guts in British history
The only man with any guts in British history
The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled.
The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled.
The Supreme Being allows to steal His map?
The Supreme Being allows to steal His map?
The Supreme Being can do.
The Supreme Being can do.
The Three Idiots...
The Three Idiots...
The Three Idiots...
The Three Idiots...
The world!
The world!
There are two holes, Randall. Which one? Which one?
There are two holes, Randall. Which one? Which one?
There he is!
There he is!
There is a place where we could find the greatest thing man could want,
There is a place where we could find the greatest thing man could want,
There used to be a time when you could be sure...
There used to be a time when you could be sure...
There we are, madam. Congratulations.
There we are, madam. Congratulations.
There we are. Well done. Congratulations.
There we are. Well done. Congratulations.
There's a man being cut in half here.
There's a man being cut in half here.
There's enough there for your friends, too, if they ever turn up.
There's enough there for your friends, too, if they ever turn up.
There's only one way to go now.
There's only one way to go now.
There's still so much wealth to redistribute.
There's still so much wealth to redistribute.
They always crack in the end.
They always crack in the end.
They can't hear. They can't speak. They can't operate machinery.
They can't hear. They can't speak. They can't operate machinery.
They have been here eight hours.
They have been here eight hours.
They serious?
They serious?
They were trying to kill people 26 different ways with their bare hands.
They were trying to kill people 26 different ways with their bare hands.
They'll think I've lost control again and put it all down to evolution.
They'll think I've lost control again and put it all down to evolution.
They're hooked, the greedy little fish.
They're hooked, the greedy little fish.
They're mine, sir.
They're mine, sir.
Thieves! After them!
Thieves! After them!
This I think you'll like.
This I think you'll like.
This I think you'll like.
This I think you'll like.
This is going to be so much help in our work.
This is going to be so much help in our work.
This is our chance. This is what we've been waiting for!
This is our chance. This is what we've been waiting for!
This is the big one.
This is the big one.
This map used to belong to the Supreme Being.
This map used to belong to the Supreme Being.
This time we'll start it properly.
This time we'll start it properly.
Throw it!
Throw it!
To be in your own home, to be with your own father and mother?
To be in your own home, to be with your own father and mother?
To happen to me since this whole campaign.
To happen to me since this whole campaign.
To star to start our quest for the for the most fabulous object, Randall.
To star to start our quest for the for the most fabulous object, Randall.
Trevor, Diane Oh, don't they look lovely!
Trevor, Diane Oh, don't they look lovely!
Tsk. Hmm.
Tsk. Hmm.
Turn that light off!
Turn that light off!
Uh, a computer is an automatic electronic apparatus...
Uh, a computer is an automatic electronic apparatus...
Uh, from Latvia.
Uh, from Latvia.
Uh, from Latvia.
Uh, from Latvia.
Uh, Marion, would you be so kind as to ask the poor to come in, please?
Uh, Marion, would you be so kind as to ask the poor to come in, please?
Use a fast fission process...
Use a fast fission process...
Vermin, Fidgit, the tapestry.
Vermin, Fidgit, the tapestry.
Vermin, that is not meant to be eaten.
Vermin, that is not meant to be eaten.
Vermin, will you stop eating!
Vermin, will you stop eating!
Very well, then.
Very well, then.
Very well. I have no need of them.
Very well. I have no need of them.
Vincent, don't worry about a thing.
Vincent, don't worry about a thing.
Wait a minute! Oh! Oh! Hey!
Wait a minute! Oh! Oh! Hey!
Wait a minute! Wait!
Wait a minute! Wait!
Wait for me to give the order, all right?
Wait for me to give the order, all right?
Wait for me!
Wait for me!
Wait! You're mad!
Wait! You're mad!
Waiter, more champagne.
Waiter, more champagne.
Wally!
Wally!
Wally!
Wally!
Was it Zeus? Apollo?
Was it Zeus? Apollo?
Wasn't he interesting?
Wasn't he interesting?
We are here!
We are here!
We can explain everything, sir.
We can explain everything, sir.
We can make beans into peas!
We can make beans into peas!
We can't. The roads are too dangerous.
We can't. The roads are too dangerous.
We could've stayed at home making trees.
We could've stayed at home making trees.
We did it! We did it!
We did it! We did it!
We don't know him that well. We only work for Him.
We don't know him that well. We only work for Him.
We don't need the map. We know where the time hole is. Let's get out of here.
We don't need the map. We know where the time hole is. Let's get out of here.
We have found it!
We have found it!
We have Zuzu and Benny.
We have Zuzu and Benny.
We just borrowed the map.
We just borrowed the map.
We like a risk.
We like a risk.
We make a great team, don't we?
We make a great team, don't we?
We risk all. We win everything.
We risk all. We win everything.
We will remake man in our image, not His.
We will remake man in our image, not His.
We're international criminals. We do robberies.
We're international criminals. We do robberies.
We're not suggesting that, sir. It's just
We're not suggesting that, sir. It's just
We're on the right course.
We're on the right course.
Well done, Og.
Well done, Og.
Well, at least we've got a two speed hedge cutter.
Well, at least we've got a two speed hedge cutter.
Well, He created you, so He can't be totally
Well, He created you, so He can't be totally
Well, I am the nice one.
Well, I am the nice one.
Well, I mean, it's frightfully kind of you.
Well, I mean, it's frightfully kind of you.
Well, it helps pay the rent, sir.
Well, it helps pay the rent, sir.
Well, it was a good day, Mr. Hood.
Well, it was a good day, Mr. Hood.
Well, Kevin, here, it's yours.
Well, Kevin, here, it's yours.
Well, of course. I am the Supreme Being.
Well, of course. I am the Supreme Being.
Well, on condition that you carry it back to the city for me.
Well, on condition that you carry it back to the city for me.
Well, see for yourself, sir.
Well, see for yourself, sir.
Well, someone put it on.
Well, someone put it on.
Well, th th th that is a long time, isn't it?
Well, th th th that is a long time, isn't it?
Well, that's today's top prize.
Well, that's today's top prize.
Well, the gods must have given you a name.
Well, the gods must have given you a name.
Well, this is it.
Well, this is it.
Well, why repair them? Why not use them to get stinkin' rich?
Well, why repair them? Why not use them to get stinkin' rich?
Well, you don't have to jump around.
Well, you don't have to jump around.
Well, you must eat your food.
Well, you must eat your food.
Well, you're certainly a chatty little fellow, aren't you?
Well, you're certainly a chatty little fellow, aren't you?
Wet. Yes. Yes.
Wet. Yes. Yes.
Wh Why don't you get out the way you came?
Wh Why don't you get out the way you came?
What a dreadful mess! Is the pig with you?
What a dreadful mess! Is the pig with you?
What about Babylon?
What about Babylon?
What are we going to do here?
What are we going to do here?
What are you doing in the water, dear?
What are you doing in the water, dear?
What d'you want, dear? Do you want the foot powder?
What d'you want, dear? Do you want the foot powder?
What did he say?
What did he say?
What do we do now, Randall?
What do we do now, Randall?
What do you mean, you didn't mean to steal the map?
What do you mean, you didn't mean to steal the map?
What do you think, Robert?
What do you think, Robert?
What do you want, you tatty faced old scumbag?
What do you want, you tatty faced old scumbag?
What is it, Benson?
What is it, Benson?

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