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Home > GLaDOS Soundboard
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GLaDOS Soundboard

GLaDOS Soundboard

GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System) is a fictional artificially superintelligent computer system from the video game series Portal. The inspiration for the character's creation extends from Wolpaw's use of a text-to-speech program while writing lines for Psychonauts.
See also: List of Portal characters, Portal (video game), Ellen McLain, Portal (series), Wheatley (Portal), Potato Sack.

A mathematical error I'm about to correct.
All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are.
And all the cake is gone.
And believe me, you don't have a whole lot left. A waste.
Are you even listening to me?
Are you trying to escape?
Arghhhh
Because I'm a potato.
Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all enrichment center activities, serious injuries may occur.
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Chell
Congratulations.
Didn't we have some fun though?
Excellent.
Fantastic.
File deleted.
For your own safety and the safety of others, please refrain from. Friend back. The portal will open in three. 2. 1.
Good job.
Good news.
Good people don't end up here.
Good.
Goodbye.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science computer aided in Richmond Centre.
Hello.
Hello.
Here, I'll put you on. That's you. That's how dumb you sound.
Here's a hint. You're going to want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes.
Hey, moron.
Hey.
I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster.
I could take a bath in this stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all to me.
I don't care.
I don't think you're going where you think you're going.
I feel sorry for you, really. Because you're not even in the right place.
I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did.
I hate you.
I invited your best friend, the companion Cube. Of course he couldn't come because you murdered him.
I know you're there. I can feel you here.
I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behaviour.
I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response, because I'm not talking to you.
I was.
I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and 1/2 will be where you live, and I'll live in the other half.
I'm abato.
I'm going to kill you.
I'm not angry.
I'm not kidding. Now turn back or I will kill you.
I'm not talking to you.
Is anyone there?
It also says you are adopted, so that's funny too.
It didn't have to be like this.
It says so right here in your personnel file, unlikable, liked by NO1A. Bitter, unlikable owner whose passing shall not be mourned.
It's funny, actually, when you think about it.
Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing.
Leave it alone.
Let's all laugh.
Look, you're wasting your time.
Mind the gap.
Neurotoxin. So deadly. Just joking. I'm kidding.
No matter what happens now, you're dead.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
No.
Ohh, I'm gonna kill you.
OK, we're even now.
Place your companion cube in the incinerator.
Please proceed into the Chamber lock after completing each test.
Potato.
So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
Somebody cut the cake.
Someone is going to get badly hurt.
Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what I know.
Spectacular.
Stop.
Surprise.
Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
That has got to be the dumbest thing that whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's exactly what it says. Very formal, very official.
The difference between us is that I can feel pain.
The rocket really is the way to go.
The talking is over.
The test is now over.
There really was a cake.
There was even going to be a party for you, a big party that all your friends were invited to.
There's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing.
This is your fault.
This is your last chance.
This isn't safe for you.
Unbelievable.
Very impressive.
Very, very good.
We are very, very happy for your success.
We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it.
We're both stuck in this place.
Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?
Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me.
What are you doing?
What did I ever do to you?
What was that? Did you say something?
When I said deadly neurotoxin, the deadly was in massive sarcasm quotes.
Where are you?
Where did your life go so wrong?
Where do you think you're going?
Who's going to make the cake when I'm gone? You.
Yes.
You are doing very well.
You are kidding me.
You can stop.
You can't hurt me.
You don't even care, do you?
You haven't escaped, you know.
You really shouldn't be here.
You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny.
You're not even going the right way.
You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full time employee.
You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done.
Your entire life has been a mathematical error.
Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.
1.
2.
3.