Bad Santa Soundboard Edit

Actually, there aren't such things as endings at all, 'cause when some shit gets over with some other whole thing starts. It sucks ass.

Alright honey, good girl.

Am I going to what?

And I'm going to have to ask you to suck my fucking Dick.

Are you a complete fucking retard?

Are you off your fucking meds or something?

Are you off your God damn nut?

As creepy

But surely you jerked off.

But you see, you can only puke in somebody's lap so many times before the romance takes a shit.

Bye.

Call me Sarah.

Cut that shit out.

Damn, did you eat your own shit?

Even though I'm a dipshit loser #im a loser #thurman merman #self deprecating #low self esteem #self loathing

F**k You

Fine if it's an emergency call me alright, otherwise leave me the f**k alone OK?

Fuck is wrong with you.

Fuck no.

Fucking cash only.

Fucking Dimes are you shitting me?

Hang on a second, hang on.

Happy endings are bullshit.

Happy New Year! #happy new year #toast #cheers #whiskey

Hello.

Here you go lady, have a little money you know what you better hope the orphans don't riot delete your fat ass right off the bat.

Ho ho

How do you know all this shit?

I also found what was the closest thing I ever had to an actual girlfriend. She liked the job I had at the time, especially while I was in uniform. Sounds like a happy ending dot.

I can't remember this shit. Does everything with you have to be a fucking test.

I don't care.

I don't know what fucking year it is, kid

I even almost had a friend once. Sure it was a mouthbreathing snot dripping 8 year old who couldn't find his fat ass with both hands, but he was clueless enough to think I wasn't the worthless piec...

I hate to say it favor, will ya?

I have no idea what this shit is.

I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass

I said I don't give a shit, OK?

I'd like to get you in that back seat there and terrier little panties off and get that ass in my face and just fuck that Pussy like you can't imagine.

I'm glad you followed your passion.

I'm on my fucking lunch break, OK?

I'm on my fucking lunch break, ok? #lunch break #interrupted #bad santa #pissed #angry #yelling #mall santa #food court

In Case You Hadn't Noticed, I'm A Mother Fuckin' Dwarf! #sass #tony cox #elf #dwarf #christmas #holiday #command #request #oblivious #bad santa

Is this an emergency?

Kid, how did you get my number?

King Me #billy bob thornton #thurman merman #bad santa #chess #command #order #grumpy

Leave me the fuck alone, OK?

Let me tell you something. Mother fucker.

Let's just say my whole life has been one long fucking miserable nightmare most of the time and pure shit on a good day.

Life sucks a big giant Dick kid.

Listen, here's how it works. She's going to pull our rig off and she's going to get on all fours.

Merry F***ing Christmas

Mother fucker.

No fuck no.

No, I'm not coming home for Christmas.

No, no I don't.

No.

No.

Not a man or a woman or an animal or anything.

Now you stand behind her and drop your rig.

Nut shot super cut #hit in the balls #nut shot #hurting #bad santa

Oh No #tony cox #no #smh #elf #christmas #holiday #santa #fuck

Put a fucking diaper on.

Randall cook

Remember that.

See you later.

So call the fucking law.

So you got damn business. What I do. Don't let the door hit you in the ass.

So you haven't done it with anybody yet.

TakeaShot

Thank you.

That you're going to see something that looks like some kind of Japanese food at 8, so don't eat it. That's the Bulls eye. Then you just start tugging on your little soldier wildly. Guess to attent...

The fuck did you just say?

The only address of where you're not going to be, write it down on a piece of paper and bring it back to say, well, yeah.

There are some change.

Think about somebody beside your fucking selves.

We need the fucking FBI.

Well, if you want to be cyantific, yeah, I guess so.

What are you deaf?

What are you fucking game show host or something dollar back in knots?

What are you? My fucking mother?

What can I do for you?

What can I get you?

What's up?

Why do you talk about yourself that way? #jesus fucking christ kid #negative talk #down on yourself

Work in Santa Claus nature.

Yeah, you damn right. I got a problem with it.

Yeah.

You could be speaking fuck in Swahili now. Would know him better.

You got it.

You gotta quit fucking calling me, OK, you're burning my minutes.

You know, a lot of these kids don't get in the arms and legs and shit.

You little prick

You look like one of those trolls that Gangfuck Willy Wonka.

You lousy, cheap, little shit!! #billy bob thornton #thurman merman #bad santa

You need many years of therapy #therapy #help #counseling #bad santa #advice

You see me walking backwards asshole. I'm coming.

You see no babies with their bellies, JoJo. Come on, you got Jesus in Atlantic is watching over your check in their list twice.

You tricked me a little shit hole.

You tried to murder me, you little prick.

You want you need. You need some Pussy. I'll see if I can find your cat somewhere.

You're a smartass is what you are kid #billy bob thornton #thurman merman #smartass #angry #bad santa

You're an Emotional Cripple #tony cox #billy bob thorton #insult #ugly

You're out of your fucking skull.