Home Alone (1990) Soundboard Edit

A house with this many people there's no shampoo

A lovely cheese pizza just for me

A ride to chicago sure you know it's christmastime

Acey said ten percent

Ah you're all right I love you you okay yeah

Ah! I got ya! I got ya!

All kids no parents probably a fancy orphanage

All right johnny but what about my money

All right johnny but what about my money what money acey said you had some dough for me

All right johnny i'm sorry i'm goin'

All right johnny i'm sorry i'm goin' (2)

All right! buzz's life savings

All right! Buzz's life savings.

All this time i've been worrying about it but if you turn on the lights it's no big deal

Allow me to introduce myself gus polinski how are you

Am I under arrest or something

And children listen

And don't worry about your home it's in good hands

And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike if it costs me everything I own if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself I am going to get home to my son

And I know I heard that name snakes before

And my aunt and my cousins.

And now that i'm this close you're telling me it's hopeless i'm sorry

And that's the one marvin that's the silver tuna

And there he was apparently he was there alone all day with a corpse oh! whew yeah

And there he was. Apparently he was there alone all day with a corpse.

And we're off when do you leave tomorrow

Any luck no we couldn't get anybody

Anyway i'm rambling on here

Anyways uh I had a few hits a few years ago uh that's why you know

Are those microwave dinners any good I don't know i'll give 'em a whirl

Are you feeling bad about yourself no

Are you here all by yourself

Are you okay honey come here are you all right

At least you'll know then you could stop worrying about it and you won't have to be afraid anymore

Attention! attention! look what I have found in ze kitchen!

Aw geez if you have to get to chicago we'll gladly drive you it's on the way to milwaukee

Aw shut up will ya!

Back in '58 he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block with a snow shovel

Basements are like that

Be a good little fella now and open the door

Because I really like my family even though sometimes I say I don't sometimes I even think I don't do you get that I think so

Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since

Big fella!

Black with a little cream.

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale amen

Bombs away!

Bring me back something French.

But he's okay you know they get over it kids are resilient like that

But he's so little and helpless don't you think he's flipped out

But I also know that you work for him and i'd like you to give him a message shoot

But I got it all figured out watch this

But the phone lines are a mess gonna take ma bell a couple of days to patch 'em up especially around the holidays okay thanks

But they got nude beaches not in the winter

Buzz buzz buzz

Buzz don't be a moron

Buzz forget it this is not the kevin I knew

Buzz i'm going through all your private stuff! you better come out and pound me!

Buzz your girlfriend! woof!

Bye i'll miss you bye find kevin

C'est tout decide je sais ce que j'ai a dire c'est non non! en aucun cas!

Call me in paris

Can I sleep in your room I don't want to sleep in the hide a bed with fuller

Can you please find out

Champagne please it's free isn't it oh yes

Cheapskate

Check it out all the houses with nobody home have automatic timers on their lights

Check it out old man marley

Chuck this is peter mccallister again and we're still in paris at my brother's apartment

Come and get me before I call the police!

Come back here!

Come back here! stop it will ya! come here!

Come on dad let's eat come on

Come on kevin out

Come on let's get you home

Come on out the window yeah i'm not goin' out the window

Come on they're boarding

Come on this happens these things happen you know you

Come on you guys it's christmas

Come on! come on keep goin' keep goin'

Cool! firecrackers! i'll save these for later

Couldn't help but hearin' you got a little bit of a dilemma there

Dad can you come here and help me

Dad nobody'll let me do anything

Damn! how low can you get givin' kris kringle a parking ticket on christmas eve

Dear santa claus I got a little sister last year this year i'd rather have some clay dough

Deep down you always love 'em but you can forget that you love 'em and you can hurt them and they can hurt you and that's not just because you're young

Did anyone order me a plain cheese oh yeah we did but if you want any somebody's gonna have to barf it all up 'cause it's gone

Did I burn down the joint I don't think so

Did I get him did I get him where is it where is it

Did I turn off the coffee no I did

Did they come back from paris

Did you close the garage that's it I forgot to close the garage that's it

Did you get anybody

Did you hear me i'm livin' alone! i'm livin' alone!

Did you hear me? I'm livin' alone!

Did you lock up yeah

Didn't we talk about that

Do these vans get good gas mileage

Do you know is this toothbrush approved by the american dental association I don't know

Do you know the mccallisters are going to france do you know if it's cold there

Do you know what I should pack buzz told you cheek face toilet paper and water

Do you know where the shampoo is fuller

Do you need the phone number no that's all right

Do you play you want to try it go ahead try it try it try it no okay

Do you play?

Don't be silly fuller will be up in a little while

Don't spoil your dinner I won't thanks

Don't tell me what to do I can do it if I want to

Don't worry about me I spoke to your husband already

Don't worry marv i'll get him for you

Don't worry, Marv. I'll get him for you.

Don't you feel like a heel flying first class with the kids back in coach no the kids are fine

Don't you get lost good bye good bye kate

Don't you know how to knock phlegm wad

Down here you big horse's ass!

Eddie let's just hope none of them write a book about him

Eggnog listen are you gonna be leaving uh

Especially around the holidays.

Ever since I laid eyes on that house I wanted it

Everyone in this family hates me then maybe you should ask santa for a new family

Everything's full everything's full i'm very sorry but it is christmas eve

Everything's full?

Everything's full.

Excellent excellent

Excuse me can you excuse us for a second can I see you for a second please excuse us come

Excuse me girls girls

Excuse me miss are your parents here

Excuse me puke breath i'm a lot smaller than you I don't know how to pack a suitcase

Excuse me yeah

Family crisis intervention sergeant balzak

Family Crisis Intervention. Sergeant Balzak.

Fasten your seat belts please

Find Kevin.

Fine we'll put him somewhere else

Five boys six girls four parents two drivers and a partridge in a pear tree

Five families gone on one block alone they all told me from their own mouths

For the kids

Forget it frank we have cash

Frank those are for later frank

Frank you've got money don't you come on traveler's checks

Friday morning that's two days away

From a mother to a mother, please.

Fuller! go easy on the pepsi

Gee kid I don't know hit the road

Gee you wanna talk about bad parents look at look at us

Get over here!

Get some change out of here call everybody you know

Get that kid! go on! get the kid!

Get that little

Get the hell outta here

Give us the phone! thank you i'm sorry thank you

Go ahead i'm in your way you have places to go people to see

Go back! go back! go back okay

Go pack your suitcase

Goin' on vacation where you goin' do you hear me or what goin' on a trip where you goin' kid

Goin' on vacation? Where you goin'?

Grab your crowbar crowbars up

Grab your crowbar.

Grab yourself a napkin you're gonna have to pour your own drinks

Grow a goatee

Guys i'm eating junk and watching rubbish! you better come out and stop me!

Hang up the phone and make me why don't ya

Harry it's our calling card all the great ones leave their mark

Harry! i'm comin' in!

Has he been involved in a household accident I don't know I don't I hope not

Has the child been involved in a violent altercation with a drunken and or mentally ill member of his immediate family no

Has the child ingested any poison and or any other object that has become lodged in his throat

Have a good trip bring me back something french

Having a reunion or something

He just ate a whole load of mice guts he should be good for a couple weeks

He just ate a whole load of mice guts. He should be good for a couple weeks.

He knows I hate sausage and olives and

He said the same and we haven't spoken to each other since

He said the same, and we haven't spoken to each other since.

He started it! he ate my pizza on purpose

He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun

He was okay you know after six seven weeks you know he came around and started talking again

He'll call you when he gets out

He's acted like a jerk once too many times and this time he caught it in the butt

He's getting in his car I guess if you hurry you can catch him

He's giving us this trip to paris so we can be together

He's gonna call the cops! he's not callin' the from a tree house

He's gonna rent us a nice big uh van and we're gonna drive to milwaukee

He's home alone

He's home alone.

He's just being a jerk

He's only a kid harry we can take him

He's upstairs taking a bath he'll call you when he gets out

Heads up! huh

Heather do a head count make sure everyone's in the vans

Heather! did you count heads eleven including me

Hello

Hello hello

Hello hello hello she'll have to call you back

Hello kevin!

Hello mom dad

Help me out here! let's get these passports out of here

Herb! yeah i've got a question here about a toothbrush

Here are your seats five a and b four a and b i'll take your coats thank you

Here hold out your little paw there there you go

Here! here's a voltage adapter

Hey come on come on hands off the head pal! come on!

Hey guys check this out

Hey harry yeah house we were at last night was that the mccallisters yeah

Hey hey big fella

Hey hey hey! get off kevin out of the room

Hey hey little fella hey!

Hey hey! you gotta watch out for traffic son you know sorry damn

Hey I tell you what i'm gonna give you snakes

Hey I tell you what i'm gonna give you snakes (2)

Hey i'm calling the cops

Hey i'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead one two ten!

Hey kev it's pretty cool that you didn't burn the place down

Hey listen uh

Hey marv marv marv what look at this

Hey nice shoes oh thanks

Hey pizza's here! here you go that's 122 50

Hey watch out!

Hey you know we've been looking for you two guys for a long time

Hey! don't you dare

Hey! hey hey hey! little guy little guy!

Hey! hey kid! come back here!

Hey! hey! shoplifter!

Hey! i'm not afraid anymore! I said i'm not afraid anymore! do you hear me i'm not afraid anymore!

Hey. Hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son, you know?

Hi hey son! son!

Hi hi are you mr mccallister yeah the mr mccallister who lives here yes

Hi i'm mitch murphy I live across the street

Hi look i'm calling from paris I have a son who's home alone

Hi ma'am it's you again

Hi ma'am! excuse me ma'am! excuse me ma'am! ma'am!

Hi mom

Hi there hiya

Hi you've reached the murphys please leave a message after you hear the beep

Hi! hi! are your parents home yeah do they live here no

Hi. Look, I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone.

Hiya pal we outsmarted you this time

Hold it hold it let's wait and see who it is we work this neighborhood too yeah

Hold on I got a coupon for that it was in the paper this morning

Hold the plane! did we miss the flight no you just made it

Honey the pizza boy needs $122 50 plus a tip for pizza ten pizzas times 12 bucks

Honey what's this

Honey, what's this?

Hope we didn't forget anything

How am I supposed to shave in france

How come you didn't bring more cheese pizzas

How could we do this we forgot him

How do you know I don't know i'm just afraid he won't

How do you know?

How do you wanna go in we'll go to the back door maybe he'll let us in you never know

How do you wanna go in?

How fast does this thing go does it have automatic transmission does it have four wheel drive

How fast does this thing go?

How may I help you

How old is he oh he's grown up

How you feel about your family is a complicated thing especially with an older brother

How you kids doin' huh good lot of action around here today huh

Huh

I also have a ring that is beautiful!

I am calling from paris I have a son who's home alone

I am calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone.

I am trying to get home to my eight year old son!

I came to hear my granddaughter sing and I can't come and hear her tonight

I can do it if I want to

I can get you a hotel room

I can't believe you can't bump somebody or ask somebody

I can't find anybody they've all gone shopping nobody's home for the holidays

I can't find anybody. They've all gone shopping. Nobody's home for the holidays.

I can't seem to find my toothbrush so i'll pick one up when I go out today

I can't wait that long

I didn't fall asleep in the back of the cab and drool all over you did I i don't drool

I didn't mean it if you come back i'll never be a pain in the butt again I promise good night

I don't care how mad I was i'd talk to my dad especially around the holidays

I don't get it I mean right now it looks like there's nobody home

I don't know

I don't know how to pack a suitcase i've never done this once in my whole life tough

I don't know who's in there but somebody just got blown away!

I don't know who's in there, but somebody just got blown away!

I don't know.

I don't like the way that kid looked at me did you see that

I don't live here

I don't think that's a good idea

I don't want a new family! I don't want any family! families suck!

I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life and I don't want to see anybody else either

I don't want to sleep with fuller you know about him he wets the bed he'll pee all over me I know it

I get a window seat!

I get a window seat!

I got him harry! harry I got him! harry get up! give me a hand! ow! I got him! harry help me! get up! I got him!

I got some milk eggs and fabric softener

I gotta take a head count one two three four five eleven 92 12

I had an argument with my son.

I have a friend who got nailed 'cause there was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas

I have a terrible feeling about what that we didn't do something

I have been from chicago to paris to dallas to where the hell am I scranton

I heard you had some problems here uh gettin' to chicago to see your kid or somethin'

I hope I never see any of you jerks again

I hope you didn't just pack crap jeff shut up linnie

I hope you don't mean that

I hope you don't mean that.

I hope you're all drinking milk I want to get rid of it

I made my family disappear

I made my family disappear (2)

I mean we're on the road 48 49 weeks out of the year we hardly see our families

I mean, we're on the road 48, 49 weeks out of the year. We hardly see our families.

I said, I'm not afraid anymore!

I saw a hundred kids this week

I say we go to rob's we can call the police and they can get back to us

I send her a check

I think we're gettin' scammed by a kindygartener

I thought I recognized one of their voices

I thought the murphys went to florida

I thought you said they were gone they were supposed to leave this morning let's get out of here

I told you something's wrong I knew he looked at me weird why would he run

I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap including all my major crevices including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed

I warn you I ought to take this cane and

I was making ornaments out of fishhooks my new fishhooks I can't make ornaments out of the old ones with dry worm guts stuck on 'em

I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just washed shine

I went shopping yesterday

I wish my grandparents sent that they always send me clothes

I wish they would all just disappear

I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass

I'd like a word with you sir

I'd like to slap him right in the face with a paint can maybe or shove a nail through his foot

I'll rip his head off!

I'm a bad parent i'm a bad parent you're not

I'm a criminal

I'm afraid if I call him, he won't talk to me.

I'm calling from Paris. I have a son who's home alone, and I

I'm desperate i'm begging you from a mother to a mother please

I'm dreaming of a white christmas just like the ones I used to know

I'm free! free! free!

I'm gonna bite off every one of these little fingers one at a time

I'm gonna give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead

I'm gonna kill that kid!

I'm kevin mccallister 671 lincoln boulevard

I'm looking for my son! do you know where he is

I'm not an idiot!

I'm not sick yes you are i'm not sick! that's a sick thing to do!

I'm old enough to know how it works all right

I'm sorry but there's no way I can do that

I'm sorry did you say you could help me

I'm sorry it's too late get upstairs

I'm sure she misses you and the presents

I'm terribly sorry I thought you were our santa claus

I'm terribly sorry ma'am but we're doing absolutely everything we can

I'm the only one getting dumped on

I'm up here you morons! come and get me!

I've been kind of a pain lately I said some things I shouldn't have I really haven't been too good this year i'm kind of upset about it

I've got something for you to do.

If he has something to drink he'll wet the bed

If he has something to drink he's gonna wet the bed

If it makes you feel any better I forgot my reading glasses

If you don't mind goin' with some polka bums no i'd love to

If you don't mind goin' with some polka bums.

If you explained this is an emergency I wish I could

If you make it quick. Santa's got a little get together he's late for.

If you miss him why don't you call him i'm afraid if I call him he won't talk to me

If you want to stay at the airport maybe we can get you on a standby it is a possibility that a seat will open up

If you'll excuse me this one's out of sorts i'll be right back

Il est inutile d'attendre 24 heures et je n'ai aucun conseil a demander

In chicago no sheboygan very big in sheboygan they loved it you know

Is he still here it's really important that I see him

Is it true that french babes don't shave their pits some don't

Is that a fact how much do I owe you

Is that a fact how much do I owe you (2)

Is that a fact how much do I owe you acey said ten percent

Is that a real rolex do you think it is no but who can tell

Is that okay yes i'll wait

Is there I mean est ce qui un person qui parle anglais la

Is this a joke

Is this toothbrush approved by the american dental association

Isn't there a way if you ask somebody

Isn't there a way if you ask somebody?

It is a possibility that a seat will open up.

It was nice talking to you nice talking to you

It's a gem

It's almost too easy

It's almost too easy.

It's horrible horrible just horrible

It's horrible. Horrible. Just horrible.

It's loaded it's got lots of topflight goods stereos vcr's toys

It's me snakes I got the stuff

It's my brother's house he'll take care of it

It's not a family crisis hold on

It's not even rated r

It's only my imagination only my imagination

It's too late for you kid we're already in the house we're gonna get you!

Jimmy! stop that boy!

Julia get some black coffee and plenty of it black with a little cream

Just give it a shot for your granddaughter anyway

Just stay up there I don't want to see you for the rest of the night

Just tell him that oh hon you pay for that here

Kate did you by any chance pick up a voltage adapter thing

Keep the change ya filthy animal

Keep the change ya filthy animal (2)

Keep the change ya filthy animal (3)

Kev! kevin get a plate

Kevin get off of him!

Kevin get upstairs right now why kevin you're such a disease

Kevin i'm going to feed you to my tarantula

Kevin i'm on the phone

Kevin if uncle frank says no then it must be really bad

Kevin is home all by himself i'm not leaving here unless it's on an airplane

Kevin kevin!

Kevin upstairs! say good night kevin good night kevin

Kevin you are such a disease

Kevin you're completely helpless

Kevin!

Kevin! kevin kevin my boy! kevin how are ya

Kevin's at home

Larry can you pick up there's some lady on hold sounds kind of hyper what line rose uh two

Last night the place is jumpin'

Last year I got a sweater with a big bird knitted on it

Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell out of here

Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here okay

Leslie i'm sorry kate nothing but a bunch of answering machines

Let me connect you with family crisis intervention

Let me connect you with the police department they just transferred me to you

Let me connect you with the police department.

Let me give you the number here okay the country code is 3 3 the area code is 1 4 and the number is 694 8764

Let's get him! wait wait that's just what he wants us to do us to go back downstairs through his fun house so we get all tore up

Let's get out of here

Let's go back harry shut up!

Let's see what house he goes into

Line up in front off the van line up and shut up! shut up

Linnie

Listen kev what are you so worried about you know mom's gonna pack your stuff anyway

Look honey the kids are exhausted you are exhausted

Look I have been awake for almost 60 hours i'm tired and i'm dirty

Look I told you before kid don't bother me now beat it

Look out!

Look that house is the only reason we started workin' this block in the first place

Look what you did you little jerk

Look what you did you little jerk!

Ma'am i'm eight years old you think I would be here alone I don't think so

Ma'am if there was anything at all I could do for you today do it do anything

Ma'am ma'am what excuse me I just wanted to let you know that your power's fixed

Ma'am, if I

Madame we are doing everything we can

Marv! harry

Maybe he went in the church i'm not goin' in there me neither ah let's get out of here

Maybe he's just trying to be nice

Maybe we shouldn't talk about this

Megan

Megan (2)

Merry christmas huh may I sit down

Merry christmas little fella we know that you're in there and that you're all alone

Merry christmas merry christmas

Merry christmas sweetheart

Merry Christmas, little fella.

Mes petits enfants do you want a little shrimp eh

Miss young lady excuse me girls

Mom

Mom dad where are you guys

Mom does santa claus have to go through customs

Mom mom mom

Mom where are you

Mom!

Mom! uncle frank won't let me watch the movie but the big kids can why can't i

Mom's at the airport

Montreal uh huh that's right her family's there

My husband's brother transferred to paris last summer and his kids are still going to school here and I guess he missed the whole family

My parents live in paris sorry

Never mind did you get it! how do you like it huh you jerk!

Never mind forget it this is so pointless

Nice move always leaving the water running now we know each and every house that you've hit

Nice tip thanks a lot thanks

No clothes on anybody sickening!

No for three reasons a i'm not that lucky two we have smoke detectors and d

No he's just home alone! I would like somebody to go over to the house and see that he's all right just to check on him

No I didn't have time to do that

No i'm not welcome at church oh you're always welcome at church i'm not welcome with my son

No i'm not! yes you are i'm not not not you are so

No no it's christmastime there's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays

No no no don't be silly everybody who sees santa has gotta get somethin'

No no no no no way this is christmas! the season of perpetual hope!

No offense but aren't you a little old to be afraid

No please don't hang up please don't

No that's not it what else could we be forgetting

No that's okay I thought you might've recognized

No toys nothing but peter kate buzz megan linnie and jeff and my aunt and my cousins and if he has time my uncle frank okay

No way

No we're not bringing the dog

No why should they

No, that's not it.

No, we're not bringing the dog. We're putting him

No? "Twin Lakes Polka."

Non attendez un peu

Not enough evidence to convict they never found the bodies but everyone around here knows he did it

Not for me kid I don't live here

Not in the winter.

Nothing available may I help you get a hotel room in the city

Now get upstairs I am upstairs dummy

Now it'll just be a matter of time before he does it again

Now no tomorrow egghead now! go ahead! now !

Now you're dead!

Number 664 will be going on right about now

Number 672 right now

Odd marketable securities. Who knows?

Oh baby they couldn't come they wanted to so much but

Oh boy that's it you little you little son of a

Oh ed please oh all right

Oh god you're getting heavy

Oh good 'cause somebody owes me 122 50

Oh i'm sorry this house is just crazy we've got all these extra kids running around my brother in law drove in from ohio today it's just nuts

Oh it's crazy

Oh it's very g very g huh

Oh kevin i'm so sorry

Oh leslie here's my address book you and frank call everybody who lives on our street maybe somebody can help us

Oh no i'm really scared!

Oh no oh thank you merry christmas merry christmas

Oh no you feel that way because we left in such a hurry

Oh not this time you little brat

Oh really you're completely helpless! everyone has to do everything for you

Oh that's nice not for a guy in the second grade

Oh this kid

Oh wait wait wait wait wait wait

Oh we took the morning flight remember the one you didn't want to wait for

Oh yeah well we have automatic timers for our lights locks for our doors

Oh you just around for the holidays I guess you could say that

Oh, no, you feel that way because we left in such a hurry.

Oh! what is it you're missin' some teeth where it's my gold tooth my gold tooth! i'll kill him! i'll kill him!

Okay come and get me

Okay half in this van half in this van come on let's go

Okay I know you're not the real santa claus

Okay i'll see what I can do thanks

Okay okay merry christmas

Okay okay we'll send a policeman over to your house to check on your son

Okay that's 122 50

Okay this is extremely important

Okay we'll check it out first we can always come back for the truck

Okay. This is extremely important.

One two ten!

One two ten! (shoots machine gun)

Only flying I ever did as a kid was in the family station wagon and it wasn't to france

Oper do you speak english parlez anglais

Other than that i'm in good shape

Our flight was canceled so we gotta drive

Our phones are out of order so i'd like somebody to go to our house and tell him we're coming home to get him

Ow!

P s you have to sleep on the hide a bed with fuller

Pack my suitcase

Pardon me are your parents home yeah but they don't live here

Pete's brother and his family are here

Peter

Peter i'm gonna call the police why don't you book us a flight home

Peter kate do you guys have a voltage adapter

Peter! we slept in!

Pizza!

Please! our brother's home alone

Plus a ring a watch a pocket translator 500 dollars and

Polka king of the midwest

Polka polka polka no twin lakes polka yamahoozie polka a k a kiss me polka polka twist

Probably lookin' at some very fine jewelry possible cash hoard odd marketable securities who knows

Remember that kid we saw the other day he lives here

Rod

Rose yeah hyper on two hold on please

Santa hold on! can I talk to you for a minute if you make it quick santa's got a little get together he's late for

Santy don't visit the funeral homes little buddy

See that garbage can full of salt that's where he keeps his victims the salt turns the bodies into mummies

She's got her own earrings a whole shoe box full of' em dangley ones come on come on no but

She's right kev

Shit

Shut it marv!

Shut up

Shut up (2)

Shut up! get in the car!

Silver tuna tonight

Single seats only in coach take whatever's free thank you

Six seven eight nine 10 11

Snakes he sounded like a snake

Snakes snakes snakes I don't know no snakes snakes

So let's take it one step at a time okay

So uh see the guy in the yellow jacket over there by the budget sign

So we have the 500 dollars the pocket translator the two first class seats that's an upgrade from your coach

So you're not at all worried about kevin why should I be

Somebody beat us to the job they're in there! two of' em

Somebody pick up pick up!

Somebody's gonna have to barf it all up, 'cause it's gone.

Someone has to find an open store we don't have milk

Somethin' ain't right go check it out

Somethin' ain't right. Go check it out.

Son! Hey!

Supposin' the cops finger us for a job and they start asking us questions about a murder in the area

Sure. You know, it's Christmas time.

Take the witches!

Tell 'em to count their kids again

Tell me have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home no but I did leave one at a funeral parlor once

Thank you

Thank you oh thank you

Thanks buzz

That smart aleck

That sort of thing it's bothered me for years

That's a good idea of course it's a good idea

That's a relief everything here is booked

That's about as well as anybody can do these days right

That's about as well as anybody can do these days.

That's it! that's it! i'm goin' around the front! you go down the basement! that little

That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it.

That's just what he wants us to do

That's my granddaughter up there the little red haired girl she's about your age do you know her no

That's real crystal it's real yeah so put 'em in your purse put 'em! put 'em! I can't do that put them in your purse!

That's true i've always been afraid of our basement it's dark there's weird stuff down there and it smells funny

That's what megan said

The captain's doing all he can your phones are still out of order

The cars are still here they didn't go to the airport

The dope was whining about a suitcase

The earrings you love the earrings

The kenosha kickers

The kids are okay they're having the time of their lives yeah

The little jerk is armed!

The little jerk is armed!

The little trout can use a couple of days in the real world

The only thing they have is a booking for all of us on friday morning

The passports! watch it!

The season of perpetual hope!

The third floor go it's scary up there

Then I made myself go down there to do some laundry and I found out it's not so bad

Then say it again maybe it'll happen

There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble

There are 15 people in this house you're the only one that has to make trouble

There he goes! there he is! get out of the way you dope!

There he is!

There he is! (2)

There's a lot of things going around about me but none of it's true okay

There's absolutely nothing more we can do in this airport

There's no one home the house looks secure

There's no way on earth we're gonna make this plane it leaves in 45 minutes

There's nothing to chicago there's nothing to chicago new york nashville you name it everything's gone

There's nothing to Chicago, New York, Nashville. You name it. Everything's gone.

These are songs yeah yeah we some fairly big hits for us you know in the early '70s you know oh

They was arguing one of' em blew the other one away

They're sending a policeman over to the house to check on kevin

Think positive frank you be positive i'll be realistic

This gal has offered us two first class tickets if we go friday

This house is so full of people it makes me sick! when I grow up and get married i'm livin' alone!

This is it don't get scared now

This is my house I have to defend it

This is ridiculous only a wimp would be hiding under a bed and I can't be a wimp i'm the man of the house

To dallas fort worth

Tomorrow afternoon we can get you a flight to chicago

Too bad acey ain't in charge no more

Too bad acey ain't in charge no more what do you mean

Tracy did you order the pizza buzz did

Trish is going to montreal

Uh joe over there gosh you know he he forgets his kids' names half the time

Uh my son he we left and he's there

Uh that'll be 11 80 sir

Uh yeah yeah fill it up fill it up fill it up please thank you

Um well what about the money

Uncle frank uncle frank is this a joke

Village police department

Vous etes dans votre fauteuil assis ici toute la journee

Wait a minute how did you guys get home

Wait a minute wait a minute

Wait hold on a second my elf took the last of the candy canes home to her boyfriend that's okay

Wait son you have to pay for that toothbrush son son! hey!

Wait wait wait wait he wants us to follow him I got a better idea come on

Watch it you never know what's up there

Watch it!

We didn't forget him we just miscounted

We don't need that kind of heat

We got a crisis ourselves

We have to use the phone please i'm sorry it's an emergency we really have to make a call

We have to use the phone, please.

We left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day.

We live in the most boring street in the united states of america where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen period

We lost our tempers and I said I didn't care to see him anymore

We made it do you believe it

We took care of everything believe me we did

We used to have to go over to aunt laura and uncle arthur's house

We'd better get out of here before somebody sees us

We'll call as soon as we land kate i'm sure everything's okay

We'll come back tomorrow maybe they'll be gone by then

We'll do exactly what he did to us i'm gonna burn his head with a blowtorch then we can smash his face with an iron!

We'll see what happens

We'll unload the van we'll get a bite to eat we'll come back about 9 00 this way it's dark then

We're going to orlando florida

We're here rotting in this apartment

We're just checking the neighborhood to see if everyone's taking the proper precautions that's all

We're not gonna hurt you no no we got some nice presents for you

We're the wet bandits

Well actually first we're going to missouri to pick up my grandma

Well I don't know it doesn't say hon

Well if he's the shovel slayer how come the cops don't arrest him

Well if the kid's there the parents gotta be

Well this is the place to be if you're feeling bad about yourself it is I think so

Well you brought it up I was just trying to cheer you up well i'm sorry I did

Well, if the kid's there, the parents gotta be.

Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.

What

What (2)

What (3)

What about a private plane no i'm sorry we don't do that

What about another airline

What about you me yeah you and your son

What about your brothers and your sisters i'm an only child

What am I supposed to do shake his hand and say congratulations you're an idiot

What are we gonna do to him harry

What are you doing marv harry don't move marv don't move! marv what are you doing marv

What are you doing out of costume now get back and get dressed

What are you doing out of costume?

What did I say

What do you mean

What do you mean by drinking you know it's not allowed! but it's cold a man's gotta do something to keep warm

What else could we be forgetting?

What else did you do while we were away just hung around

What happened

What if he won't talk to me

What is the matter with you

What kind of mother am i

What makes you say that just out of curiosity

What money acey said you had some dough for me

What money well you have to pay for your pizza sir

What no kiddin' what a funny guy

What time do we have to go to bed early we're leaving the house at 8 00 a m on the button

What what what what what happened

What's he doin' now he walks up and down the streets every night salting the sidewalks

What's next rabies shots for the easter bunny

What's so funny what's so funny what are you laughin' at

What's the matter

What's the matter honey

What's wrong with you? I told you not to do it.

What's your point my point is you should call your son

When do you come back not till then

When those guys come back i'll be ready

Where are the passports and tickets I put 'em in the microwave to dry 'em off

Where are the passports and tickets?

Where are they I don't know she said 8 00 sharp

Where are you guys?

Where are you you little creep

Where are you, you little creep?

Where do you live I can't tell you that why not 'cause you're a stranger

Where is everybody else

Where those treetops glisten and children listen to hear sleigh bells in the snow the snow

Where'd he go maybe he committed suicide

Where's my suitcase

Where's your mom my mom's in the car and where is your father he's at work

Which way we'll go around back to the basement follow me

Who I don't know

Who is he

Who is it

Who is it it's little nero's sir I have your pizza

Who stole my hair dryer

Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone

Whoa whoa whoa

Whoa! (objects falling from the shelf)

Whoa! whoa! whoa!

Whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa!

Whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa! whoa!