Mars Attacks! (1996) Soundboard Edit

A date sounds good

A fleet of vehicles which can best be described as flying saucers

A message from the martians

A powerful memory is in the making not just for me but for all mankind

A silver ramp is coming out like a giant tongue oh

Abraham lincoln meets leave it to beaver you know the sort of thing yes sir

Adios

Ah getting more comfortable I see

Ahem but seriously this is tremendously exciting

Ak ak ak ak ak ak ak ak! (martian speaking in alien language)

Ak ak ak ak ak ak! (martian speaking in alien language)

Ak ak ak ak ak ak! ak ak ak ak (speaking in alien language)

Ak ak ak! (speaks in alien language)

Ak!

All green of skin 800 centuries ago

All right

An advanced civilization is by definition not barbaric

And I personally guarantee that you will get a complete return on your investment within five months

And I want a cop on every corner

And I want the people to know that the garbage will still be carried out

And I want to thank my grandma for always being so good to me and for helping save the world and everything

And if we notice down here behind the optic chiasm several glands

And if you think you can make a nickel in this town without knowing how to dally around a few curves well you don't know diddlysquat about the gaming industry

And it's so perfect that it's happening at the beginning of the new millennium

And jerry i'll need a good speech statesman like historical and yet warm and neighborly

And let me make it clear you have nothing to fear from us

And of course down here we have the aorta up here we have the sphinx

And our world will never feel quite the same again

And rest assured that working together we will soon come out at a very real outcome thank you

And soon we will become one solar system

And the news that I have heard today ranks right up there

And then the martians heard our global karmic cry for help

And we have the united states army that'll fight you to the last man and we'll never surrender

And whoever lives and believes in me shall never die

And you do please call me donald

Annihilate kill! kill! kill!

Anyway look things have been a little lean around here and I was wondering if I could get a raise

Are the kids there yeah hold on

Are they too old fashioned yes no I don't think so

Are you out of your mind i'm not going to start a war

Are you positive this thing is gonna work

Are you sure I shouldn't be there

Art are you still spinning your wheels on that cockamamie hotel

As soon as I get back to the base

As you know earlier today the martian ambassador and his confederates attacked and killed many of your representatives on capitol hill

Assholes why did I listen to them I should have stayed in the hotel

Barbara can I have the gun back please barbara give me the gun and come on!

Barbara go with him okay

Be careful boy bye bye

Because eleanor roosevelt was too fond of chintz that's why

Because we didn't get into the canals the martian canals are actually canyons some of them are over 100 miles deep

Because we're different?

Because you know i've watched you on tv quite a bit and well i've had something of a schoolboy crush on you for oh gosh ages

Because you're cooking up a feast

Billy glenn norris gave his life defending our country

Billy glenn norris is a true american hero

Boy! richie come back here!

Budget negotiations may be dead in the water after this week

Bullshit! the airfield's over there!

But didn't I always tell you honey if I just stayed in place and never spoke up good things were bound to happen yeah okay

But don't you realize what you're doing you're destroying the earth all this greed this money system you're destroying everything

But I was thinking maybe instead of houses we could live in tepees because it's better in a lot of ways

But when I see you hanging about with anyone it's not unusual to see me cry I wanna die

Bye bye grandma

Bye bye honey

Bye bye you be careful baby okay don't get yourself killed

Bye bye, Grandma

Byron byron byron

Byron is everything all right you still coming tomorrow

Byron there's martians everywhere

Byron williams

Byron williams heavyweight champion of the world

Byron williams telephone byron williams that's me I gotta go

Byron you're a nice guy but I can get leon spinks or buster douglas for the same money maybe less

Byron!

Byron?

Call me nathalie

Can we go this way sorry ma'am there's a tour going through here

Can you speak up we can't hear you

Can't expect the same luck twice

Cedric neville

Cindy come with me

Cindy get in the plane what

Cindy over here

Come here

Come here for what i'm not gonna hurt you now come here

Come on barbara

Come on come on papa needs a new pair of shoes

Come on kid i'm not that old

Come on this way!

Coming out of commercial in five four three two

Cool

Corinthian if they got it

Daddy! daddy! daddy!

Darling we got plumb lucky with billy glenn

Did any one of you traitors see my muffy

Didn't I tell you this would happen

Die you alien shithead!

Do the martians have two sexes like we do

Do we know they're warships

Do you got a girlfriend no

Do you have to drink in front of me

Do you hear me we'll fight you on the beaches we'll fight you on the street we will never never surrender

Do you know anyone who can fly a plane

Doctor thank you professor

Don't run we are your friends

Don't run we are your friends don't run we are your friends

Don't shoot

Don't worry darling

Doorway is opening

Ethel that reminds me

Everything is fixed now general you may speak

Excellent sir I have prepared the order

Excuse me but you said you wanted to know as soon as we had an analysis of the gum

Excuse me folks but we gotta make an unscheduled stop

Extraterrestrial life

Feels good don't it

Finished! one minute 57 seconds

Fire!

Florence norris I hereby present to you the congressional medal of honor the highest decoration our nation can bestow

For dark is the suede that mows like a harvest

For many years i've been refining a translating computer the results are not perfect but this may answer some of your questions

For some picky reason the secret service don't want the executive branch and the legislative branch in the same room at the same time

Frame enlargements provide an astonishing sight

From hollywood we bring you the lawrence welk show

From the limited information available i've made three extrapolations

Galaxy's gonna be the best hotel in vegas the best I promise

Galaxy's gonna be world class

Gee whiz

General casey

General casey do you have an opinion

General casey you think you can handle it i'd be proud

General decker if you do not shut up

General decker it seems I owe you an apology

General they're sending coordinates

Gentlemen there is no way that we can lose

Get back there I don't want to hear another word

Get down!

Get your butt on the bus get on that bus boy

Girls get out! get out! get out! get out!

Give me your ma again all right all right hold on mom

Give them room that's it give them room

Go get it started

Go go!

Go to Camera 2!

Good but keep a lid on it key media good cross section of guests

Good evening my fellow americans

Good morning it's nice to see you all again

Good night and god bless you all

Goodbye I love you I love you too nathalie

Goodbye my darling I wish things could've been different so do i

Goodbye thomas it's billy glenn grandma I know thomas ha ha ha

Grandma are you okay

Grandma I bet you never thought you'd live to see the martians coming to earth

Grandma i'm richie I know thomas

Grandma!

Greetings I am general casey commanding officer of the armed forces of the united states of america

Greetings I am the martian ambassador

Guess it wasn't the dove

Guys come on give me a break go on in there and start cleaning your room I can't do all this by myself please look at you

Ha ha you did really

Ha ha! didn't I tell you under two minutes you did

Hair looks good I like the hair

He did say that we come in peace yes

He did that well

He just copped a feel

He who believes in me though he die yet shall he live

He who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.

He's going to throw them off so we can escape

He's interrupting everybody

He's the chairman of the american academy of astronautics

Heh i'm glad somebody did

Hello

Hello byron! byron!

Hello gentlemen nice of you to come on such short notice

Hello hello operator operator this is an emergency! help! please!

Hello maurice ca va tres bien

Hello my name is barbara hello barbara

Hello the martians have attacked

Hello, my name is Barbara

Here it is

Here lock and load

Here you want my watch take it take it go on it's a rolex

Hey are you doing anything because if you want I could give you a personalized tour would you like that

Hey are you still cool on me coming to washington

Hey barbara yeah you all right

Hey dad who's that neville yeah

Hey grandma you gonna be okay

Hey hey just because you're dressed like king tut doesn't mean you're our leader

Hey howdy there mr lee

Hey I saw you fight in cardiff wales once yeah

Hey listen i've been thinking about martians when there wasn't no martians

Hey ma you want a doughnut how old are they fresh baked monday richie that's six days ago okay give me a couple

Hey mitch good morning miss

Hey mitch it's me can you let me in

Hey poppy all these people all of them here to see you mm mwah

Hey that was a hell of a punch

Hey this is work baby okay

Hey this martian thing is pretty awesome huh

Hey we all make mistakes mr president

Hey what's that that is a portrait of james monroe

Hey you're tom jones right it ain't unusual

Hey, you're Tom Jones, right?

Hey! cut it out!

Hey! hey am I the only one shooting craps here

Hi everybody first I just want to say

Hi hi there want a date how about it

Hi there are you interested in the white house

Hmm

Ho! shh! shh quiet

Holy mother of god did you see that

How do byron

How many centuries did he say eight hundred sir

How you doing

How's my lady doing

I am an alcoholic but I haven't had a drink in three months

I and all my colleagues are extremely excited good

I apologize for interrupting your regular programs but I have a very important announcement to make

I bet people were pretty scared when they invented the train

I can smell it all the way from the interstate

I can't hear you!

I don't care i'm gonna go get grandma

I don't know it's some sort of emergency announcement or something

I even loaded a plane with supplies

I faced that demon I don't want him coming out again

I feel this is the perfect summation to the 20th century

I got people coming in everybody wants to be a part of this

I got to go

I gotta get to washington

I hardly think I need worry about that

I hate school

I have some good news for you the martian ambassador is here and we've negotiated a settlement

I heard that

I honestly don't know nathalie I don't know what's going on anymore this is frustrating

I just have a few minutes for questions so let's get started