Serious Sam - The Talos Principle - Voiceovers (PC - Computer) Edit

All finished with this area? You got all the puzzle pieces. Now let's get out of here before there's an alien invasion or something. Happy to be finally leaving this place. I always get sand in my ...

Alright, looks like you got a handle on this. I'm gonna take a break and go play some serious Sam. Yeah, that was a shameless plug. This is me not giving it tooth. It's an awesome game and I hear t...

And once again, you're just proven how stupid you really are. I can't stand watching you fail this badly. Go try another puzzle. You can come back to this one later.

And the monkey continues to dance. I gotta admit, I honestly didn't expect you to make it this far. I suppose you're expecting an explanation. Tough luck. I'm bored. There's a bunch of doorways wit...

Another one. Great. Took you long enough you think you could speed things up a bit. I haven't got all day here.

Attention player, you have reached the edge of the map. There is nothing out here. Do not attempt to break the map. Do not attempt to slip through the cracks. Do not attempt to glitch the program. ...

Behold, child, you are risen. Nah, that's not really my style. Dance monkey, you don't even know why you're here, do you? Tell you what. If you can find my temple, I might let you know what's going...

Bill Owens is that like a boss and you didn't even have to do any gladiatorial combat. You may think you're smart, but if you want to impress me, you need to face off in the arena against Ragnar th...

Check out the big brain on the dancing monkey. Nice work. You collected all the pieces in this area. Don't let it go to your head. You're smarter than I gave you credit for, but smart don't mean no...

Check out the laser splitting box jumping puzzle solving bad boy over here. Yeah, you. Who else would I be talking to? Ain't nobody else around here. Kinda easy to be a tough guy when you don't hav...

Choose something that we can write on your tooth. No poop jokes, please. Not like that last guy.

Come closer your bananas on the other side.

Congratulations, you won the game. Just a SEC. Let me find that end movie. I know it's around here somewhere. Nope. No. That's not it. Where the hell is that video file? Ohh, look here. Somebody ma...

Did you join Milton's fan club? I warned you. Now I'll just keep sending you a jammer. Enlargement spam. Well, it's your mess. You clean it up. You can still get eternal life if you solve enough pu...

Do what I say and you get eternal life. Don't and you get machine gun. Your choice.

Don't you get it, man? What are you trying to do? You're blowing the whole thing up. That's it. No more puzzles. No more challenges. You're gonna sacrifice everything here because what? Because you...

Don't you get it? We're both video game characters. If you go up there, it's game over, man. Game over.

Dude. Dude, take a break. You're messing with forces you don't understand. I mean, I don't understand them either, but what I do understand is that the game will end if you keep going. Do you reall...

Everyone, and I mean everyone, is the same. We're all scared and insecure creatures. Sometimes we mask that with boasting, but deep down we all want to make some kind of human connection. We all ha...

Finally, you got all the pieces that you need. Now make your way to the temple. It's the big room with the. I'll bloody hell you'll know it when you get there. Move along now.

Game over, man. Game over. Now get out of my sight, you damn crazy monkey. Weren't your banana.

Good job, kiddo. You collected enough Tetris pieces to unlock the Gates of eternity. You remember where those are, right? Big glowy doors? Yeah, go there now.

Had to get rid of that guy. Wouldn't want anyone thinking we were sharing assets between games or anything.

Have you been on that blasted computer again? What is it with you kids today in your social media and your instant messaging? Why don't you go outside and play, get some fresh air, solve some puzzl...

Having a hard time figuring this one out. Yeah, you're stupid. It's starting to show. Maybe you should go try another push.

He's just a dude inside a computer inside a simulation. He can't be that hard to kill.

Hey, what do you think you're doing? Maybe your tiny monkey brain didn't get the hint earlier. Don't climb the friggin tower.

Hey. Where did you go? Did you find the invisibility ring? I thought that was in a different game.

Holy rolled up casseroles. You actually did it. You went into the tower. Ohh the stones on this guy. I'm actually starting to like you, but you really shouldn't have gone there. You might want to c...

How many games are in your library that you've left unfinished? Do you give up when things get hard? You put things away when they no longer amuse you. I guess that's the point of games amusement. ...

I can't find you. Where are you, monkey? This is a puzzle game, not hide and seek.

I'm glad you finally shut that guy up. Those questions, man. They just really drive me nuts, and he never gives you any decent answers to pick from either.

If you get stuck in a puzzle, which I'm sure you will, these altars can help you, but you have to unlock them first. Good luck with that. It's like an inception of puzzles. You have to solve the pu...

If you keep going, you'll screw up the whole game. I'll kick you out. You're not gonna come back.

If you want to double your play time, go on, try and get those pesky little stars. I'll stand here and watch. Wake me up when you get one.

In this world, you're alone. There's nobody out there to help you, nobody to share your struggles with. You know it up in your face, each challenge with nobody but yourself to blame for your failur...

Is this what you want? Really, you want the game to end? Don't you still have things to unlock and explore? Are you really ready for this all to be over?

It was supposed to end like this, but I guess even serious Sam wants to live forever.

It's nice and tranquil up here. It's kind of like digital heaven. I always found heaven kind of boring. All the interesting people end up in hell anyway. Try not to break anything while you're here...

Jesus Christ Alan, I thought you passed this glitch in beta. Hold on, let me fix this server.

Jesus, who wrote this script? Alas, my brother and the inevitable March towards oblivion continues. The tide of darkness will consume all in its path to the consummation, indeed within the wretched...

Just step into the disintegration beat, I mean. Step into the teleporter. Yeah, it's a teleporter. That's it. No, really, it's a teleporter. I'm just messing with you. Ready to energize, captain.

Just. Just stop trying. This is taking too long. It's almost painful watching you. Try to think. Maybe you should leave this one and try another.

Let me ask you a question you don't have to answer. It's purely rhetorical. How do you define fun? Do you like blowing stuff up? What if there were, say, a video game with no guns, nothing to destr...

Life can be tough. A cold, heartless void. We all spend our lives looking for some kind of deeper meaning on some level. The sick truth is that there's no meaning, no ultimate purpose. That's a bit...

Listen to me for a second. You really want this game to be over, huh? I mean, this is pretty fun, right? I make puzzles, you solve them, I say cool sounding stuff, and we both feel smart.

Look around. All this is just a distraction. It's a pretty distraction, but a distraction nonetheless. What are you hiding from running through this pretty garden, ignoring the beauty that's all ar...

Look at you still here. Still persevering against mindless imaginary obstacles? You're looking for purpose. You seek meaning and reason. You're trying in vain to find rationality in the face of imp...

Look at you, you were a regular puzzle solving monkey. You did great here in this demo, and there's a lot more to come in the full version. Go ahead and pick it up. You can even have a banana when ...

Look, I know you're curious and all, but climbing this tower is a really, really bad idea. I'm starting to like you, honest. And I don't want to see you do something stupid.

Look, just banish him, OK? I'm getting sick of this guy.

Look, look, there ain't no bananas at the top of this tree. All the bananas are back in the garden.

Man, you worked really hard to get here, OK? You can be one of my messengers. It's a great honor. You'll take care of my paperwork and bring me coffee. But Are you sure you're ready for this?

Mr. Smith, Mr. Wesson, glad you could make it. Where do you screaming for the paint? Hasn't even started yet. That's a lot of bull. What are you waiting for? A1 liner? Time to inflict some serious ...

Nothing is ever as it appears on the surface. I guess that's the lesson I want you to take away from all this. You're playing the Talos Principle, a game made by Crow team. You got this add-on pack...

Now where in the hell did that come from? Carry on. Nothing to see here. Move along now.

Ohh hey you can unlock the elevator now. What do you want? A cookie or something? Go on. I hear there's bananas on one of the floors.

Ohh hey you got the thing. I bet you feel real proud of yourself, huh? You made a few lucky guesses. Don't let it go to your head. We've just barely got started. You've still got a long way to go. ...

Ohh hey, one more thing is you're moving around, doing puzzles and checking out the scenery. You might notice a giant tower. I'm supposed to warn you about that? Actually. You should go there. It's...

Ohh man that was hilarious. Do it again.

Ohh now you did it. You're starting to really tick me off.

Ohh, for pity's sake, Egypt again. I freaking hate this place. Come on, Crow team, how about a little originality? How many times have we done Ancient Egypt now? Nothing but dusty old tombs and sand?

Ohh, this is becoming painful to watch.

OK, now you're about to watch a 42nd long cut scene where nothing exciting happens. Wow. This is one good background music track. I should probably sing along. Damn, I should have learned some Lati...

Our time here is nearing an end. I'm actually kind of proud of. You've come a lot further than most, frankly, you're owning. Don't let it go to your head though. This is just one game amongst thous...

Seriously, stop with the social network. Why do you feel the need to friend everyone who talks back to you?

Shoe Monkey Scurry back down now.

Shut up, Milton.

The game design document said you climb up here anyway, so there you go. You're being obedient, after all. Still thinking it was your choice? Was it really?

There are other endings you know. There are a lot easier. How about you try those?

This area looks kind of familiar. Seems like I've been here once before in fact. You could say this was my second encounter with this area. Seems a lot more hospitable this time. Yes, that was anot...

Those big, impressive doors at the end of the hall, you see those? That is your goal, monkey. Once you collect all the puzzle pieces, you can just step right through and claim your bananas. Infinit...

Too bad there's no finite number of lives in this level, as I am now forced to watch your futile attempts.

Turn off the machine and stop embarrassing us all. Go out. Do something useful.

Two more to go. I'm impressed, not.

Very good. You figured out how to walk. Look around and find the Tetris pieces. Try not to die in the process.

Well, I hope you enjoyed our little game here and the additional voice pack and add-on content. That's it for now. Feel free to play through again. And don't forget to pick up serious Sam 4 coming ...

What the hell is it with monkeys always wanting to climb stuff? You've been in the tower again, haven't you? Bad monkey, no banana.

What the hell? I can't find that monkey anywhere. Did he quit the game or something?

Yay, you found all the pieces in this area. Congratulations. Here's your frigging cookie. Can we move on now?

Yeah, no. You haven't unlocked the hint system yet. Try something else.

Yeah, that should do it.

You already got that one Brady act. Pay attention.

You did it, and now I'm gonna reboot you. Seriously, what did you expect? Actual eternal life? I'm the only God around here, kiddo. You're just out flipping the process. Wonder what else spit out n...

You don't really need that one right now. What do you think this is, some kind of freaking game? Just just keep it. You might find a use for it later.

You know, there are a lot of fun things to do all over the place around here. Puzzles to solve, mysteries to find. The tower is really kind of boring by comparison. You don't want to go there.

You know, you really don't have to find all the puzzle pieces right now. You can come back here later.

You see that button next to you that says power on your computer? That would be a good time to just go ahead and press it.

You seem like the sort of person who can't take a hint, so I'll speak plainly. Don't climb the tower.

You solved another puzzle. I get it. I really do. There's a sense of accomplishment when a monkey fits a square peg in a square hole. The banana is imaginary, though. There's no real reward to be f...

You, my friend, have the potential to do great things. I mean that we've already established that every human on the planet is pretty much the same temporary blinks of insecurity, scratching out th...

You're stuck, aren't you? And the answer is so friggin obvious too. Why don't you go try another puzzle and come back to this one later?

Yourself. Well.