Club Dread (2004) Soundboard Edit

A cold, white...

A flash of lightning lights up the whole island, and in that one moment...

A wooden Bible, huh? That`s good

Ahh! Okay.

All right, all right.

All right, what the hell.

Although that was incredibly uncool.

And a resort owner, but...

And march out there and do our goddamn jobs.

But then, boom!

But you better hurry. You`ll miss the drinks by the pool

Chug it down for me.!

Darlin`, I think you`re referrin` to my song Pina Coladaburg.``

Eat it, fuck nut! [ Laughs ]

Even though he said he had none.

Excuse me, but weren`t you at one of my shows?

God! Stop it! What are you doing?

Goddamn monkeys.

He just got electrocuted in the pool!

He`s like, Yeah. Why not?`

Heads or tails?

Help!

Hey, amigo. You must be Lars.

Hey, buddy!

Hey, guys, I`m gonna send you back over there

Hey, look. I could never hurt another person, okay?

Hey, what, are you dancing alone? Hey, sweetie. Come here.

Hey, you know, I`ve been thinking about that poem on the board.

Hey, you you know you know what? You know what?

Hope They`ve Got Hammocks in Heaven.``

How the hell are we supposed to do our jobs..

I asked Rolo ifhe had any grass, and he said he didn`t have any.

I beg your pardon? Excuse me, new fellow, please cut off this minor.

I can only assume this means every other man on the island is dead.

I didn`t know where it was from

I don`t think we can say for sure. God, I don`t know.

I just want to know if smoke came out of his ears. Is that so wrong?

I know things you don`t

I know who it is. It`s Machete Phil, come out from the jungle.

I love you. Carajo de mierda.!

I may need a few more hours to pump her for information.

I think Pete`s under a lot of pressure.

I touch other people to make them feel better

I`ll show you the ropes at the club tonight.

I`m not sensitive.

If you love something, set it free

Into a beautiful reality.

It was awful.

It`s a bloody Hallmark card.

It`s a sea shanty. Naughty Cal`s this, uh, underwater cowboy...

It`s all right. It`s okay.

It`s just a habit. I could see how tight you were from a mile away.

Jesus, this is crazy! We can`t do this anymore!

Jesus! Who is this girl?

Juan Castillo... went to jail...

Juan, I have spent my whole life in a gym.

Let`s do the sun salute.!

Look out, now. Oh, oh oh oh! There you are!

Look what happened to Yu! Remember the warning: Do your jobs or die``?

Make it quick. We got a lot of dishes.

Mark David Chapman over here has a shrine to Pete.

Mm hmm.

Mmm! Gracias, Sheriff.

Namaste.

Naughty Cal sings about the scary octopus.

No, it wasn`tJuan.

No, there`s seriously something down here.

No! You saw that board.

Now,you are here to have fun.

Oh, come on! If there`s grass on the field, then play ball.

Oh, dear God!

Oh, dude, check out that orange bikini, dude.

Oh, dude, look at that one, dude. Green bikini? oh, dude.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, my God! The lock`s broken!

Oh, sick fuck

Oh,Jesus Christ! That`s blood!

Oh,just as soon as you drop the I`ve got nothing to hide`` routine,Juan.

Oh! Ooh!

Oh.

Oh. I I don`t know what to say.

Oral Roberts? Is that anything like an AnalJohnson?

Ow!

Party! Who`d like to party?

Penelope! Where`s Juan?

Pete,you are aware that I personally have served this guy...

Pete?

Pip, pip.! Tallyho.!

Pretzel!

Putman! Wake up, Putman. It`s a dream! It`s just a dream, Putman.

Screw this, man! I`m not going anywhere with Lars.

She`s...

Shit

So she got promoted to palm tree.

So then I followed him into thejungle.

Stacy, this guy doesn`t even have teeth.

Thank God you`re not dead. Now, we need to get over to Pete`s cabana...

Thank you. I I love it.

That is so... out of the planet!

The secret ingredient?

There he is again.

There`s always one fuck head like you...

This must`ve been, like, 1 5 years ago, you know?

We had a cheap Nicaraguan version called Circle Eater

We`ll be all right. So, come on, everybody, let`s just have a drink...

We`re gonna go for a quick romp in the jungle before the pool party.

Well, I got you guys to do your jobs, didn`t I?

Well, she has taken quite a fancy to you, hasn`t she?

What can I say? Some girls are just tighter than others.

What in the queen`s wig is going on here?

What you want me to say?

Whoo.! Yeah.!

Why don`t you just do that all the time?

You all saw him as...

You really never played this game as a kid?

You see, what none of us did know...

You threatening me? `Cause if you are, you little hairless lap dog

You`re an asshole, Putman.

You`re not afraid of a little octopus, are you?

[ Accelerating ] Ahhhhhh!

[ Banging ] [ All Gasp ]

[ Chanting ] Lars, please.!

[ Chuckles ] Sorry.

[ Coughing ] Juan, get up.

[ Crashing ] [ Yelling, Squealing ]

[ Door Closes ] [ Both Scream ]

[ Groans ] [ Gasps ] Oh, God!

[ Grunts ] [ Ball Bouncing ]

[ Grunts ] [ Yells, Groans ]

[ Hooting, Laughing ] Sounds great. People, please.

[ Lars ] Go.! Go.! Yeah.! Quickly! Run!

[ Lars Grunting ] Die! [ Groaning ]

[ Retches ] [ Clapping ]

[ Screaming ] [ Coconut Pete ] one, two.! one, two, three, four

[ Screaming ] [ Phono Needle Scratching ] It`s me! It`s me! It`s me!

[ Screaming ] [ Yells ]

[ Screams ] [ Gasps ] Shit!

[ Shudders, Screams ] Hey! Oh! Putman, where have you been?

[ Sighs ] [ Relieved Chuckle ]

[ Slurping ] [ Chatter Stops ]

[ Spits Food Out ] No way.

[ Sword Unsheathes ] Hello?

[ Twig Snaps ] [ Gasps ]

[ Twig Snaps ] [ Gasps ] You?

[ Twigs Snapping ] Hey, come to the beach.

[ Whimpering ] Sam!

[ Whistle Blowing ] # Follow the banana, follow the banana #

[ Yells ] [ Stacy Gasps ]

[ Yells ] [ Women Screaming ]

[ Yells ] Oh! Ooh! [ Grunting ]

[Jenny ] God.! What do you think you`re [ Grunts ] Watch out!

[Jenny ] Hey.! [Juan ] No.!

[Jenny ] She can`t breathe.! [Juan Grunting ]

[Jenny ] Whoo whoo.! [ Yelling ]

[Juan Groaning ] Penelope! Get up.

# Follow the banana # Oh!

All right! Solid.

Can you wrap your fingers around this? Whoa!

Coconut... Pete`s Eh

Follow the officer. Follow the officer. You don`t understand

Get out. What?

Give me a Drambuie, neat. You got it.

Go, go, go, go, go! [ Whimpering ]

He`s dead

Hey, at least give me one of those margaritas. Sorry.

Hey, Lars Brunckhorst. Time to party. Welcome to the party.

Hey, what about my nipples? Shut up! Someone`s watching us.

Hey, you guys gonna be hanging around for a while? Totally.

Hey. Hey, Carlos.

Hit it,Jenny! Go! [ Accelerating ] [ Agonized Groan ]

How could you do that? Wait, wait!

Huh? I`m not kidding

Huh? The two of us. Okay.

Hurry! Go, go, go, go!

Hurry.! Come on

I am sure you all understand. [ Indignant Scoff]

I know I did. [ Laughter]

I`m Jenny. I`m Penelope.

No! No! Peenalop! Peenalop!

No. Oh, come on.

No.! Oh, dear God! Oh, dear God!

oh, my God

Oh, my God. So,you want to get it on?

Okay, maybe later. Yeah. I`ll get back to you.

Over here! No, this way!

Pass that bong over here.! Yeah.! #La la la la, lala la la, lalala lala

Peenalop! Juan!

Son of a bitch! [ Grunting ]

That`s from one of your songs. What the fuck you talkin` about? One of my songs?

the Leaking Turtle. oh, my God.!

Uh, Nome, Alaska? Hmm.

Um... do you work here? I do.

Whoo hoo! Whoo hoo!

Would you believe what I saw? No

You see the beautiful flower in the yellow dress? Mmm!

You should see the other hombre. I`ll put it on.

You`re such a jerk, Rolo. You`re gonna love this shit.

[ Dirk Yelling ] [Jenny Screaming ]

Juan? Juan? [Jenny ]Juan, where are you?

Just slug me. [ Both Screaming ]

`cause I`d like to get down to business.

[ Agonized Grunt ]

[ All Gasp ]

[ All Panting ]

[ Applause ]

[ Blowing Whistle ] Coconut Pete, you`re under arrest!

[ Both Moaning ]

[ Burke ] Pour it.! Pour it.!

[ Chattering ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Chopping ]

[ Coconut Pete ] She`s in full bloom.

[ Coconut Pete ] Welcome to Pleasure Island.!

[ Crazed Laughing ]

[ Crowd Booing ]

[ Electrical Breakers Banging ]

[ Footsteps Resume ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Gasps, Shuddering Moan ]

[ Groans ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Grunts, Whimpers ]

[ Gulls Squawking ]

[ Gulps ] Maybe...

[ Knuckles Cracking ]

[ Laughs ] Gracias, Sheriff.

[ Man ] All right. Here we go

[ Moaning ]

[ Mouthing Words ]

[ Muttering In Spanish ]

[ Panting ]

[ Panting, Gasping ]

[ Putman ] Ahhh,you.! I should have known it was you

[ Rattling Continues ]

[ Sam ] I`m tellin`ya, I got a bad feeling about that new guy.

[ Stacy ] I did not.!

[ Sword Unsheathing ]

[ Twigs Snapping ]

[Jenny ] Get out.!

[Juan ] No tushie.! No.! No

# They heard some talk about buried treasure

# They pulled their shit together cleaned themselves all up

# Tokey was lost in a maze all night

# Were guardin`the riverbed

#[ Continues, Repetitively ]

#[ Reggae ]

#[ Romantic Latin ]

## [ Monkey Yell ]

#Before you knew it the fun was over

#Bongo chose himself a pretty prawn

#But a big bad orca and a scary octopus

#Never were seen