Beerfest (2006) Soundboard Edit

A hundred and twenty five?

All right, cut it.

All right, here we go.

All right, let's have the keys.

All right, okay, I was. I actually hadn't eaten much that day.

Allow me to introduce our grandfather:

And America. On three. One, two, three:

And don't worry, someone will be watching over you.

And finally, to me.

Anything?

Are we lost?

Are you out?

Barry, are you sure?

Best at Quarters, at Pong, best at everything.

But he could also love a ton

But that was Landfill.

Can I have your autograph?

Come here.

Come on.

Come! Come in here.

Come. Come now.

Das Boot! Das Boot! Das Boot!

Despite your thievery, we are prepared to buy it from you, right now..

Did you know he had kids?

Do it now! Kill me. What are you waiting for?

Drink.

Even if your silly fairy tale was true, we have a little saying in München.

Fantastic seminars.

Fellas. Fellas.

Five to touch it while I touch my toes.

Folks, I'm sorry. Finish your meals.

Forget about it. You're done. You don't have any more, Badrinath.

Gam Gam a whore?

Gam Gam said you'd meet us here

Gentlemen. Ready?

Get the fuck out of here.

Get the fuck out of here. So is ours! Wolfhouse.

Golden, delicious beer.

Gosh, Barry, I'm so sorry.

He perfected the von Wolfhausen beer recipe.

He was a fat asshole.

He'd down a beer ball with every meal.

He's no good. He had that Al Roker surgery.

He's supposed to meet us here.

Hello? Yes.

Hello. Pim Scutney. This here's me mate, Rog Gobshire.

Herr Referee...

Hey, Finky...

Hey, guys, this is that moment

Hey, what's the matter, Jan?

Hey, Wolfie. Give me a Schnitz.

Hey. Okay, now

Hold on there, Hansel.

Hold on. Let me check.

Hold. Hold on. Wait a minute. Hold the phones.

How about this? How about that? How about:

I am Jan Wolfhouse and this is my brother, Todd Wolfhouse.

I am Mr. Schniedelwichsen.

I came up with Operation Recipe Retrieve, and that's the name!

I can't play Pong.

I didn't put that recipe on my computer

I doubt that, playboy.

I feel like I know all you guys

I got $4.

I had the greatest job in the world, brewing cold, fresh joy for thousands.

I hate you, Badrinath!

I missed that first part when he said something.

I used to work on a German cruise ship.

I'll play with him.

I'm burying you.

I'm drunk. You're drunk. Everybody's drunk!

I'm sick of it.

I've been shitting pancakes ever since.

Iron Eagle, are you there?

It happened a couple years after college.

It's never been the same.

Jan, hold on. That's not such a good idea.

Jan, who are we meeting out here?

Jim Tobleson said they called in a hostage negotiator.

Lan

Landfill? You're alive?

Lap it up, you hungry son of a bitch.

Let them drink!

Let us do it again, huh?

Let us humiliate them.

Lick them clean, Daddy.

Like the love.

Locate the seminal vesicle here, the ejaculatory ducts here.

Me, l

Me? No. No, I don't think so.

Mission accomplished.

Most of all, my mother.

Night, ladies.

No, I think it's that way.

No, I'm not Landfill.

No, no. Wasn't me, no.

No, you don't understand.

No! No!

Not a true offspring?

Now, this is the party I was hoping to find.

Oh, Daddy.

Oh, my God!

Oh, that's good.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, yeah?

One question.

One, we're not babies, and two

Only me. It's just me.

Or what about Brauheist 2006?

People, listen up. Use your thumbs.

Please, Opy, we can do this.

Quit squirming!

Schwarzemaiden to Iron Eagle. Come in, Iron Eagle.

Shaking your butt.

She took the kids and left.

Shut up, Landfill.

So how'd you find him?

So you are the progeny of Johan.

So, what you wanna do is create a spiral effect...

Son of a bitch!

Spin it

Take a good look...

Team England.

Thank you.

That is the rule.

That's good, that's good

That's lots of nice looking manhood.

That's no shoe!

That's right. Good.

The name's Landfill.

The thing about it is, you know, we were shit faced when he took us there.

Then melt it in the springtime and drink it.

There's a secret way to drink it. I don't know what it is.

They are also taught to relax the muscles of the throat.

They want a war?

They're not that drunk! They're not that drunk!

They're not that drunk. Cheeky bastards.

Thirty meters.

This is not a democracy.

This would be a chance to get back to the glory days.

Three dollars to watch me touch it.

Time to scheiße on our

Toad Load Weekly?

Todd, Jan, my smart and talented grandsons...

Trust me, this will work.

Trust me, we can do this.

U.S.A.

U.S.A. U.S.A. U.S.A.

U.S.A., zero.

Unbelievable!

Und jetzt...

Us against you. Ten boots. Five against five.

Wasn't the handle.

Watch and learn, baby diapers.

We almost made it. Couple breaks in the chain, right?

We already kicked their asses in WWll.

We always waste so much time arguing about names.

We can get someone else.

We gotta go back and get it

We really gotta find this Schniedelwichsen and spread Grandpa's ashes.

We should put him on our team, then.

We win, we get your brewery.

We'll get the biggest drinkers, the best beer gamers, the fastest chuggers.

We're cousins? Oh, this just gets better and better!

We're gonna take you all the way

We're here to play some drinking games.

What happened to him?

What have you done?

What's the name of the game?

When we were at Oktoberfest, we noticed that the Germans were excellent drinkers.

While I have you here, you forgot my Sunday supplement last week.

Whore.

Why does the last guy chug out of a shoe?

Why not? For shits and giggle.

Yeah, maybe a little bit. I think we just won the

Yeah, the Germans!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

You are the offspring of the bastard son of some whore!

You care for a dance?

You get a few drinks in you und you become the Dirty Harry.

You heard the guy.

You know you have to hit the ball.

You see, the Baron Ludwig and I were in love.

You should get a pinball machine that works.

You're all fur coat and no trousers, you are

You're not even close, girlie.

You're worried now. You're worried now, aren't you?

You've got kids?

Your fifth teammate must compete now.

Your older half brother and rightful heir to the von Wolfhausen brewery.

A little sticky on the: Yeah.

Can you move over, please? I like to sit in the middle.

Cherry? Our finest secret agent.

Come on. Let's go kick their ass. I don't fucking play Pong!

Good job, asshole. Oh, no.

He even smells like Landfill. God, someone open a window, fast

Holy crap, Willie Nelson. What are you doing here?

How many beers in this thing? About 125 beers, yeah.

Jan, who are we meeting out here? Barry Badrinath.

Maybe a beer. Get him a beer.

Now you're crossing the line. No, you are crossing the line! He stole it!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Oh, that's good. The champions. What? Well, I'll tell you what

Oh, yeah, that is true. That is a true thing. How do they get good?

Oh, yeah. Way to go Dr. Finklestein. Do I know you?

She said "fuck." Gam, who's drinking piss, honey?

So much to digest in there. Yeah.

That was great. That was last year's password!

They're really shiny. Come on. I don't wanna.

We want you. Twenty five bucks.

What? I said, "Out of the martini?"

What? No, you're crazy Jan. Let it go.

What? No. Who's Barry Badrinath?

You all right? That's a good shot.

You wanna get out of here? You looking for a little slap and tickle?

...and for Johan...

...and then melt it in the springtime and drink it.

...but he never listened to me.

...disqualification.

...drinking beer with you guys is just plain old fashioned fun.

...during the festival on the Theresienwiese.

...it appears it is time to initiate Operation Recipe Retrieve

...welcome to Beerfest.