Kevin Can Wait - Season 1 Edit

A Actually, you're both right.

A And look at this.

A and replace the window... Quick.

A better friend.

A better life in the United States.

A big, happy house for all of us.

A bittersweet backstory on Vladi Novack.

A book club... I'm gonna let that sink in for a second.

A cabin in the woods where you take people to bore them?

A children's hospital right now.

A Chore Weasel?

A couple of tatted up Brazilians fighting in a cage,

A couple people died!

A couple things jumped out at me.

A cube of cheese from Rose, the sample lady.

A dream journal.

A fine looking gentleman.

A frown when it's turned upside down...

A gentle reminder to wrap things up.

A giant man baby.

A hairnet.

A large sum of money and spending it on... a quad?

A lawnmower or an old pair of skis.

A life coach?

A little "Chale Unplugged."

A little bit more than $6,000

A little bit more, a little bit more.

A little bit on that bad boy

A little bit.

A little dessert on me.

A little longer, 'cause they get the bacon in the bottom...

A little short in the friend bucket.

A long time ago,

A lot of crazies out there.

A lot of flavor, right there.

A lot of people keep a journal.

A lot of space.

A lot of the top athletes get it.

A man who knows the true meaning of loyalty.

A million times yes!

A nasty, Dutch badger.

A neighborhood prank.

A nice, hot bath right now?

A rookie.

A site where people share partners.

A song comes on the radio.

A song comes on the radio.

A vlog? What is that?

A volcano made of onions.

A water main broke. They shut down the expressway.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaah!

Aah

Aah, yay!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Freeze!

Aah! I got it!

Aah! Oh!

Aah! Ohh.

Aah! Old lady.

Aah.

Aah.

Aah. Ohh.

About a fuzzy sweater and all that.

About an hour ago, I sat in a handicapped parking spot

About him saving those baby raccoons?

About messing with your grandmother's recipe.

About our dream retirement, is this what we pictured?

About people who inspire him.

About the Billy Joel tickets for Sunday night?

About us being retired.

About wanting to spend more time with my family.

Abs feel like they're popping.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. All right, I will just load them in the car.

Absolutely. I shut that baby down right there.

Absolutely. That personality right there, that's all you need.

Absolutely. You gotta put in the hours.

Absolutely... Right after the wedding.

Across town, a wiry 16 year old from Massapequa says a prayer,

Actually, enjoy every day.

Actually, Enzo, I got some bad news.

Actually, Father, if you don't mind, uh...

Actually, he's not here because he's at

Actually, I didn't even use Chale's website.

Actually, I have a work visa.

Actually, I stopped at Enzo's for a slice

Actually, I th... I thought Kendra's whole thing was

Actually, I think it's "Go big or go home."

Actually, I wouldn't.

Actually, I wouldn’t worry.

Actually, I... I think I'm going up, so...

Actually, I'm defending him.

Actually, might get a call from the vice principal

Actually, that is spot on.

Actually, that week is a bit of a bear for me,

Actually, uh, Nicky boy got them for me.

Actually, you know what? That one I do wanna keep

Actually, you know what? That...

Actually, you know, I don't... I don't even work here anymore.

Adrenaline pumping through your veins every day.

After 20 years on the force.

After it fell down.

Again, I panicked.

Ah, come on, guys.

Ah, good times.

Ah, he could just sleep in his tighty whities.

Ah, he's gonna be fine, okay?

Ah, I can't. I got an early gig in the morning

Ah, I got it.

Ah, it's been, what, uh, got to be three days, huh, hon?

Ah, no. Mott called.

Ah, see, this is... now this is all we need.

Ah, sir, I got your AX 200 right here. Just take it!

Ah, that age old question.

Ah, there he is.

Ah, what are we doing?

Ah, you know, a few years ago, I followed him into a men's room

Ah! I get it.

Ah! I think you're making a mistake.

Ah... So even if you think you're doing something wrong,

Ahh. Scallions gone.

All he does is sit on the couch and watch The Weather Channel.

All I was doing was trying to make our lives better.

All I'm asking is that you drop a note in the suggestion box.

All of this is gonna become crystal clear tomorrow,

All right

All right

All right, all right,

All right, all right, I'm exhausted.

All right, all right. Honey, just wait, please.

All right, anyway, I went down

All right, anyway, see, most people,

All right, are you squeezing my hand to prove

All right, babe. I'll see you later.

All right, big shot. Let's see what you got.

All right, boys, who wants a cold one?

All right, boys, you're probably wondering

All right, but Christmas is just around the corner,

All right, dawg, I got Layla in the car.

All right, everybody, let's just eat our sandwiches

All right, everybody, thank you so much for coming out.

All right, fan out, boys.

All right, fine, but I'm taking my Chore Weasel.

All right, fine!

All right, fine. It's Christmas.

All right, fine. Yes, I will.

All right, fine. You know what?

All right, guy, calm down.

All right, guys, come bring it in.

All right, guys, just Febreze it.

All right, guys, listen..

All right, guys. We've got gamers out there.

All right, I got to call the guys,

All right, I just saw the problem.

All right, I wouldn't be too proud.

All right, I'll be up in a minute, all right?

All right, I'm gonna wait for four rings,

All right, let me think about it.

All right, look, I could work one day a month,

All right, look, I'm sorry, all right?

All right, Mott, you are the missing piece.

All right, now I got to go cut myself out of these pants.

All right, now, your mother and I got to talk to Father Philip,

All right, so I guess we'll do, uh, football at my house Sunday?

All right, so which part of the wedding

All right, so, I've been through everything with Mr. Ferguson,

All right, so, we all know our job?

All right, so, what's the plan here?

All right, some money.

All right, somebody ordered a large pepperoni

All right, sorry I turned on you before.

All right, storm's picking up,

All right, that was super romantic, right?

All right, that's good. Wow.

All right, that's Rootger. I gotta go.

All right, that's the spirit, Mr. Gable.

All right, the reason I summoned you guys here today

All right, the squirrels have been relocated

All right, then, can we switch sides

All right, uh, I'll see you guys later, then.

All right, uh...

All right, w what's the name of that 24 hour glass place?

All right, we've been married for 20 years, so I'm...

All right, well, due to circumstances

All right, well, thank you, but, I mean,

All right, well, think of it as an early Christmas present.

All right, what about, um, what about your friend Steve?

All right, what do we got going on with your fiance here?

All right, y you do know that we tell people

All right, you heard that joke before.

All right, you know what? I got to go to work.

All right, you know what? I will see if they're hiring.

All right, you know what? You just made top of the list

All right, you too.

All right, you want me to go?

All right! Let's prepare to tussle!

All right?

All right? I mean, British men may row boats and play cricket,

All right? This ends now.

All right? We are copacetic.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. And how's that make you feel?

All right. Come on, guys. Look alive.

All right. Don't do it, guy.

All right. Now, follow me,

All right. One more time.

All right. Straight whiskey?

All right. That's great. Okay.

All right. This round is bratwurst, sausage, and ribs.

All right. We will tonight.

All right. Welcome back, premium cable.

All right. Well, I will update my records.

All right. What happened?

All set, Duffy?

All she would ever do is talk about her cat.

All that cold air that hits my neck

All that'd be left are bones and his little glasses.

All the bells and whistles.

All the customers are on the floor,

All the inside netting is gone.

All the way to my kid's wedding.

All this stuff is going back.

All we do is play Cornhole

All you do is you tell old cop stories.

All you got is Brussels sprouts and frozen yogurt.

Allison is gonna be my maid of honor.

Allow me to show you a text, would you?

Already did.

Already picked him up, and you're on speaker.

Also awesome!

Also, I'm a nurse, so if you need anything

Although, do you notice anything strange?

Although, Father, I did notice a few marks on the floor.

Although, it might make you look a little "shellfish."

Although, there was one thing I just wanted to, uh,

Am I right?

Am I right?

An amazing, amazing partner.

An ATV, then you do it.

An incredible human being.

And a gun went off really close to his ear.

And a little club soda. We got a bleeder.

And a lot of ice.

And a lot of people say I look like a young Daniel Craig.

And a subwoofer in the couch.

And a very hot surface, okay?

And according to your rule, you guys get first crack at it.

And all I'm here to do is try to help you out

And all of a sudden, she's got an accent

And already we've got two new besties.

And also, is 6 the number?

And another secret ingredient

And at last, we can enjoy

And ate an entire tray of lasagna

And believe it or not, he plays the saxophone

And believe me, people will be dancing on the ceiling.

And besides, this is the whole reason I retired

And best of all, Donna never gets hurt,

And bonus...

And boom... She's hitting porcelain.

And bought something for himself, but instead,

And by the time you got to the homeless shelter,

And Chale is... cheering us on.

And complaining about it for a week.

And could you take a look at the gutters?

And cover it, I guess. All right, let's just...

And currently, there are none on Long Island that sell pho.

And dealer gets... double salami

And didn't Mott get a concussion?

And do even remember that you have to pick me up

And do I ever hear a thank you? No, I do not.

And don't bring any guests, all right?

And don't even get me started on the... on the filter.

And don't tell me how good my man is.

And don't try to be nice right now, okay?

And don't worry. I can see clients at the house now.

And driving me around all day, this guy still finds time

And eat with your hands?

And Enzo needs me to pick up extra shifts,

And even then, probably not.

And ex... hale!

And ex... hale!

And ex... hale!

And exhale.

And find out it never rained.

And for me, it's my driver, Kenny.

And forget the bathroom.

And full time life changer,

And get this, my employee number 007.

And get us new suits for the spa this weekend.

And go for a run like you're always talking about?

And God heard me.

And got him his own locker.

And guess what? Only 8 grand. 8 grand!

And guess what. I'm out of honey, all right?

And have a good time and make sure they see us.

And he could just cut them down one by one.

And he doesn't have any talent.

And he doesn't leave a message?

And he has some anxiety issues.

And he just stood up too fast, that's all.

And he loves me. I'm telling you, we hit it off.

And he pushes Kevin off the roof!

And he said he wanted some venison.

And he stares at you like, "After this, you're next."

And he tells you about them.

And he wanted to make me happy.

And he's already asking me, “Hey, kid. Where's my invite?

And he's happy, okay?

And here it is!

And here she is eating a bully stick.

And here's the kicker... As I'm walking away,

And his braces got stuck in your knuckle.

And how about Rutger? He's a barrel of laughs, huh?

And how it's all for your benefit.

And I am an elf.

And I can see your tonsils.

And I can't believe you got the puck!

And I could use the backup

And I didn't know about it?

And I didn't realize this, but I have a gift.

And I don't care how many Lady Foot Lockers he owns.

And I don't want to cook my own food, you know,

And I don't want to spend my life in a library.

And I found my leg compression pants

And I got the time off of work,

And I got to throw a head kick?

And I have a...

And I have had to suffer for a year.

And I have ideas, too.

And I have no one to teach her Catechism class.

And I have talked to her a bunch of times.

And I hear you, all right?

And I just wanna cover some ground rules, you know,

And I just want you to know... From now on,

And I kind of wiggled my fingers,

And I know how much you love hot toddies,

And I know I'm forgetting one, too.

And I know if it came down to it,

And I know that everybody's got to step up their...

And I know that it is hard work,

And I know that something happened with your friends,

And I know your policy on foreign food...

And I know, Father, I should be charitable

And I looked, and I said,

And I make sure Sara doesn't go either.

And I need you to be home

And I once saw a guy get impaled on a picket fence.

And I personally want to thank you for your service

And I promise, when I get back, we'll talk about it, okay?

And I pulled out those... those baby ducks?

And I really appreciate it.

And I replaced the ripped cushion with a new one.

And I think I even saw a lip bite.

And I think that I turned out pretty...

And I think we all know what that means.

And I think we all owe a big thanks to Chale.

And I think we found that moment, right, hon?

And I think what you ladies have latched onto...

And I told her, "Hey. No mas." You know?

And I told him not to do it. Oh!

And I took it out on you.

And I turn it up.

And I walk across the dance floor, right?

And I want to get everything done on my list.

And I will crawl over to pick him up.

And I will do it, okay?

And I will hang out with Stuart Borington.

And I will read "A Christmas Carol."

And I would do anything to help out my future mother in law.

And I would've won a lot more, but my water pistol jammed.

And I... I've barely noticed you, right?

And I'd have to tell you I did it

And I'd like to give you a little taste

And I'll be sure to get you a great deal.

And I'll look at the closet

And I'm gonna build on that.

And I'm gonna get... I'm gonna get the paraffin foot treatments

And I'm gonna look up the word "copacetic."

And I'm gonna make them in the shape of a T Rex

And I'm hiding behind the cream cheese rack

And I'm hiding behind the cream cheese rack,

And I'm moving my mug right over by the coffee maker.

And I'm not even mentioning

And I'm not gonna compete with the TV.

And I'm not saying "The Honeybee and the Looking Glass"

And I'm probably going with the boys.

And I'm ready to make good on that promise.

And I'm really sorry.

And I'm so paranoid that I have it.

And I'm sorry if I did anything

And I'm standing by.

And I'm starting my workout right now.

And I'm sure this guy's of no help, huh?

And I'm telling you, you have to go.

And I'm thinking meatloaf.

And if Donna asks, it was me cleaning the gutters.

And if he moisturizes, I am totally out

And if Mom asks, I told you that two weeks ago.

And if Mom asks, you ate something with carrots.

And if you see a tree that's taller than your dad...

And if you wrong someone, you need to make it right.

And ignite this party...

And in addition to raising a family

And inhale.

And it doesn't even have a rotisserie.

And it's beautiful!

And it's gonna slip out when he's here.

And it's in here.

And it's just... It's not the greatest gig for people

And it's like, "But I can get loose

And it's not a big deal or anything,

And it's saying we don't subscribe to the sports package.

And it's so doable. It's easy.

And Jack and that kid weren't friends...

And Jack had to give you a ride home on his bike.

And Jack is, like, a whole other story.

And just know, whatever you decide, no judgment.

And just know... I respect your boundaries,

And just let him have it.

And just let the fists fly like a Thunderdome?

And just order in some pizza?

And just relax

And Kendra's gonna watch the kids and, babe,

And kind of half on our yard?

And last month, she killed a dairy cow.

And lately, you're always, um, where are you?

And Laura... Some pretty racy stories from...

And leave the beer to my thoughts, as well.

And let it go like a balloon at a birthday party

And let you know that your sacrifices for our country

And make sure that they're all good to watch

And make things right.

And marry your daughter... All of it.

And maybe if you listened instead of interrupting me

And maybe tell us about the ones that we can buy.

And maybe we could talk about you

And meanwhile, Goody gets the steaks and the Minions.

And memories in it.

And mine, it's way up he...

And mine... Way up in Bursitis County!

And miss the raffle

And most important?

And Mott asked if I could hang out until she got back.

And my ab shocker... Found this.

And my brother.

And my lady by my side.

And never picked it up,

And never sat center ice before.

And none of us had any luck,

And now I'm just acting like a jerk all over again,

And now this tree, that's all she has.

And now we can just sit here,

And now we're in the pho business?

And now we're rewarded with 25 jets on our lumbars.

And now you work there, too?

And obviously, your daughter means the world to me so, um,

And one of my wisdom teeth is just throbbing.

And out in front, there's a little dent

And please don't say anything to Chale about what we're doing,

And remember us for all your electronic needs.

And salami, salami, salami.

And second of all, she was throwing mad elbows.

And second, what's a guy got to do

And sell you my truck.

And she never got to see it.

And she paid her way through law school

And she's double kissing people.

And she's just incredible.

And she's not eating her sandwich

And she's thrown out some hurtful comments.

And shine like diamonds in the night.

And so it's really the only date

And so we just want to let you guys know,

And some of your dad's friends,

And someone has to be home

And sometimes, they don't work out.

And spitting them into a Gatorade bottle.

And start up a neighborhood watch

And started peeing on the apricots?

And stayed for open mic night. Yep, came in second. Whatevs.

And Syndergaard's on the hill.

And take it down with the perfume.

And talk show host Harry Connick Jr.?

And tell him I found it, it was under the couch.

And testing them on me at work.

And thanks for the pamphlets.

And that is a very hard thing to do.

And that is why I bought my own food truck today.

And that said... Did you receive the invite

And that's a good thing 'cause humility...

And that's great.

And that's it.

And that's me, and I say we're pivoting.

And that's the problem with society now...

And that's two people we just saved. Ka ching.

And that's what he's gettin'.

And that's what I'm here to talk about.

And that's when the guy said, "That's not my gate."

And the both of us are really sorry, so...

And the bottom will look like a Japanese fan.

And the fancy shirts and... Ooh!

And the helicopter, make sure you hold the helicopter up.

And the kitten just went over a waterfall.

And the Merlot should probably breathe for a few minutes

And the moon that gives off that perfect night light.

And the result of my obvious mid life crisis.

And the shockingly blue eyes.

And the twins are usually in a naked slap fight.

And then I get an e mail from my principal,

And then I get to this stuff.

And then I noticed it changed to the Smoke Pro 4000.

And then I stopped myself.

And then I thought, "You know what? Nah."

And then I turned to you guys... I remember.

And then I wonder why me and my girlfriends

And then Kendra gets mad at Sara

And then on Christmas Day,

And then shoot it with a BB gun.

And then stay until the very, very end.

And then tomorrow night, I will be back

And then we blame it on the storm.

And then we're going to a Broadway musical.

And then we're gonna go to the new Lebanese restaurant.

And then when you introduced yourself,

And then you can go to Kyle's guy when he's off, okay?

And then you come clean with everything else.

And then you flip like a fried egg. I mean...

And then you packed on a few, and now you drive a limo.

And then you turn around and take all the credit.

And then you wind up kicking me in your sleep.

And then you won't have to worry anymore.

And then you're gonna have to come back here and melt.

And then, it's chocolate pudding.

And then, uh...

And there goes my Friday night.

And there's no ring in the world that I would trade that for.

And these two girls... I thought they were my friends,

And they bump you up into the room with the A/C

And they burnt the crust a little...

And they find your fondue to be more of a fon don't.

And they forget about the big thing.

And they get inspired.

And they get it. They get that.

And they just give up.

And they still said no.

And they would know it's me.

And they'll foot you with the bill.

And they'll rip it down themselves,

And they're about to make oliebollen.

And they're like, you know, "Get to work."

And this customer is.

And this is... is more of a quiet tradition.

And this morning with the kids.

And this morning, I'm gonna give one to your dad.

And this one's as good as it gets.

And this refrigerator is a joke.

And this was a big, fat waste of time!

And time's running out,

And to keeping them around for a long time.

And to make it up,

And to me, the mastermind! Ha!

And using the money to buy an ATV?

And walked around our backyard in a Speedo.

And watch the latest Jason Bourne ♪ DVD ♪

And watched "Rocky II."

And water from the Dead Sea.

And we also have Rootger's vermouth spritzer.

And we are way over budgets.

And we both know it ain't from working in the craft store.

And we both know what's about to happen.

And we can both read without using our arms?

And we can let them loose in the park or something.

And we could all have a sing along...

And we got nowhere to go. Let 'em play.

And we gotta make things happens, right?

And we have a great anniversary.

And we realized just how much we love each other.

And we want you and...

And we... We're good people.

And we'd all say one thing we were grateful for.

And we'll have two beers while we wait.

And we'll help with the speech...

And we'll see you inside, okay?

And what are you wearing?

And what did you think I was gonna do

And what does that ticket cost?

And what I'm gonna do now is show you how we get those dreams

And when you were selling it, how many rungs did you go up?

And why in blue hell did you have me eat a churro?

And will you help me up? My knee's locked.

And you are looking at grills

And you can be back behind me

And you can help me with these kind of things.

And you can totally say “no.”

And you did an amazing job, all right?

And you do not settle?

And you don't even buy the good lotion I like.

And you don't like her because her teeth

And you don't tell me about it?

And you haven't really been working

And you just don't know whether to speed up or slow down,

And you just see me from behind all dressed in purple,

And you just see me, and I'm, like, across the room.

And you just slather it on like mayonnaise.

And you know about him.

And you know how I want to move up

And you know what I like when I'm happy? Fajitas.

And you know what they sound like now?

And you know what? We are not done.

And you know why?

And you know why? It's 'cause I'm genuine.

And you let them know you are not leaving

And you live alone

And you live there rent free so you could "regroup."

And you never hang out with Chale.

And you remember everybody clapping?

And you said you had to work every Saturday.

And you said you'd entertain Stuart while we catch up.

And you say, "Excuse me",

And you shouldn't be spending so much on groceries

And you told me to dump my boyfriend and my friends.

And you walk up to me with your badge out,

And you.

And you...

And you'll get the invoice sent to your phone.

And you'll realize what a stupid question that is.

And you're a celebrity or you guess it or I don't know.

And you're gonna get a great tan this summer.

And you're kind of shaped like a peanut M&M, right?

And you're okay with that?

And you're sticking it to us.

And you're supposed to take Stuart off our hands.

And you're sure you're okay watching Harry's show?

And you're young. Okay, that's the thing.

And your aunt made it with that yogurt

And your hair.

And your mom and I, what we're doing,

And your sister, yeah.

And, by the way, we are the investors.

And, by the way, you want to sit down and... watch the game?

And, Chale, you are a Jets coaster upside down.

And, Kev, I hear that you've been doing some volunteer work.

And, Mott, you look very handsome in your suit.

And, of course, some great ones here, too.

And, Sara, you are a Jets coaster.

And, uh, he's willing to drop the charges.

And, uh, I am crazy busy,

And, uh, I am very grateful to Mr. Gable

And, uh, I don't know, in case he ever gets pulled over,

And, uh, I think you know how I feel about fire safety.

And, uh, I would reach out

And, uh, I'll see you on the 17th.

And, uh, it's pretty special.

And, uh, listen, this is just a drop off, can't hang out unfortunately.

And, uh, tonight she's giving a seminar

And, uh, you're right.

And, uh... here we go.

And, yes, that was me watching you

And, you know, by the way,

And, you know, when I'm happy...

And... And here I am.

And... and, uh... those strips, you know,

And... I don't know.

And... I'm going back to them.

And... she's gone.

And... well, I'm just..

And... well, it got away from me.

Annie, I told you things I've never told another human being.

Another birdy on the other shoulder.

Another movie.

Anybody need something from Jersey?

Anyone miss me?!

Anyone that's willing to go through all... that

Anything but Chale reading!

Anything else you want me to take care of?

Anything else?

Anything for me?

Anything we want to change in the future,

Anyway, here's the plan. His family just moved into that huge house on Maple

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, the restaurant is totally cazh.

Anyway, I should, uh...

Anyway, it's been really great getting to know you guys.

Anyway, Kendra says you haven't been around

Anyway, Kevin Gable... CEO and founder.

Anyway, last night was a real eye opener to me, all right?

Anyway, she took over the bedroom,

Anyway, thanks for letting me hang out

Anyway, the place looks great.

Anyway, the point is,

Anyway, we got a stick a pin in the tree thing for now.

Anyway, we're copacetic now.

Anyway...

Anyway... Pbht! Cut her loose.

Anyways, I better go.

Apparently, you want an emotionless dreamboat.

Apparently.

Are all checking me out.

Are at a truck stop.

Are better than last week, and that is saying something

Are not golf ball white?

Are the elves planning on escaping?

Are we celebrating something?

Are we in?

Are we not just trying to raise money for the wedding?

Are we talking about the Galaxy Bagels on Sunrise?

Are you crazy? No. She's a partner at a law firm

Are you crying?

Are you doing Good Cop, Bad Cop to me?

Are you drunk?

Are you expecting someone?

Are you guys just doing this out of pity?

Are you happy?

Are you happy?

Are you Harry Connick Jr.?

Are you having a good time, Floorsie?

Are you hiding from the kids?

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me? He's adjusting the mirrors.

Are you kidding me? It's called conflict resolution.

Are you kidding me? It's my fault.

Are you kidding me? You're gonna make me do that?