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Home > Happy Gilmore (1996) Soundboard
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
All right, Happy...
Although only one will become my colleague...
And I love you.
And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot.
Apparently, he also has a short fuse. Look at the monster.
Back to work.
Be still!
Believe me, I'm ready
But a 450 yard drive is impressive.
But, my God...
Can you stay? I had a rough day.
Cheer up. Next week in Portland, the winner takes home $216,000.
Chin up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me
Circular. Circle. With the music, the flow. All good things.
Damn you people. Go back to your shanties
Did you plan this?
Don't get mad at me.
Don't worry things will be okay.
Doug! It's impossible!
Ever since I was old enough to skate, I loved hockey.
Get off me!
Get Virginia Venit in here, now
Give me a club
Give me the ball
Give me the stupid club.
God bless!
God, that felt good.
Good luck
Happy Gilmore has charged in the back nine...
Happy Gilmore is in trouble if he can't hit the long ball.
Happy, look who's here.
He does deserve a beating.
He shoots, he scores!
He's afraid you'll steal his thunder.
He's the talk of the course..
He's won here 3 years in a row
Here's a free lesson.
Hey, Chubbs...
Hey, up here.
His bags are packed. He has his plane ticket.
How's that, uh, thing feeling?
I bet $20 you can't do it again.
I called your number, didn't I?
I can't believe I have fans. I waited all my life for that
I can't see.
I don't want a piece of you
I enjoy real estate speculation
I got a call from the Dallas Open
I hate to admit this, but this is my first trophy.
I love it.
I saw two fat bikers in the woods off 17 having sex
I think about you all the time.
I thought we were going to be just friends
I wish that goofy golf guy wasn't on top.
I'll be at the Red Lobster in case you change your mind
I'm going to miss you, pal.
I'm in the zone. The hole seems to get bigger
I'm not. With the great players here, anyone could win
I'm offering to teach you how to play golf, personally, for free.
I'm playing for Chubbs
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. They're excellent finger paintings.
Incredible! Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.
It's just that the air conditioner's broken. I'm getting a little warm.
It's my puck, baby! Don't you ever touch my puck!
It's very scary in here
Let me get serious. You're all aware...
Let's do it.
Mark Lye. Welcome to the Tour.
Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit. I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.
My mama wouldn't let me. Said it was too dangerous.
Nice shooting, soldier
No need. This was on national TV. Gilmore is gone
No, I don't hate you.
No, it's your short game that's embarrassing. Let's go
Nor the best puck handler.
Oh, my God... power failure
See if you can outdrive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!
She dressed like Gene Simmons from KISS to cheer me up.
She is sweet. That's why I feel so terrible.
She's the sweetest person in the world.
Shooter from the sand
So, I'm going to go change now.
Sorry about that
Talk about your all time backfires
Tap, tap, tap a roo.
That's the first time he's failed to outdrive McGavin.
That's why I think people come to see you. But keep it within reason
The favorite is Shooter McGavin. He's won three of the last four
The shorter guy is Doug Thompson, president of the Tour.
Then putt.
Things just keep getting worse for Happy Gilmore
This is the last time.
This looks nice
This one's very tough
Three fifty... sold to the gentleman in the white sweater
Till the night closes in
Trying to reach the green from here?
Two fifty, thank you
Uh oh. A little too much zip on that one
We have a nice crowd here on this sun sational April morning...
We have to take the house.
We took some giant steps tonight
Well, you hardly even notice it
What just happened, Happy?
What the hell?
What the hell?
What? I can't do it!
What's going on here?
Who's the girl?
Whoa, look out.
Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds or something.
With a hammer.
Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass out there
Yeah, laugh it up. Enjoy your night
Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you, man
Yeah. Where did he finish again? Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day.
You better pay up.
You got the ball?
You know that "Mister, mister" lady? I think I killed her.
You know what
You know what would be great? If I could get a Pepsi.
You mean no fun
You said if we got the money, we could buy it back
You suck, you stupid clown!
You're going nowhere and taking me with you.
Your grandma sounds sweet
...but I can't believe he's playing after being hit by a car.
...number fifty two... number sixteen..
...the highest we've ever had
...this fresh, delicious, tasty...
"HA" was on one cheek and "PPY" on the other
"Happyland", just like me
364 more days till the next hockey tryouts. I got to toughen up.