Happy Gilmore (1996) Soundboard Edit

All right, Happy...

Although only one will become my colleague...

And I love you.

And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot.

Apparently, he also has a short fuse. Look at the monster.

Awesome.

Back to work.

Be still!

Believe me, I'm ready

Bitch

But a 450 yard drive is impressive.

But, my God...

Bye.

Can you stay? I had a rough day.

Cheer up. Next week in Portland, the winner takes home $216,000.

Chin up, Happy. Don't feel bad about me

Circular. Circle. With the music, the flow. All good things.

Damn you people. Go back to your shanties

Did you plan this?

Don't get mad at me.

Don't worry things will be okay.

Doug! It's impossible!

Easy

Enough.

Ever since I was old enough to skate, I loved hockey.

Get off me!

Get Virginia Venit in here, now

Give me a club

Give me the ball

Give me the stupid club.

God bless!

God, that felt good.

Good luck

Grandma?

Happy Gilmore has charged in the back nine...

Happy Gilmore is in trouble if he can't hit the long ball.

Happy, look who's here.

He does deserve a beating.

He shoots, he scores!

He's afraid you'll steal his thunder.

He's the talk of the course..

He's won here 3 years in a row

Here's a free lesson.

Hey, Chubbs...

Hey, up here.

His bags are packed. He has his plane ticket.

How's that, uh, thing feeling?

I bet $20 you can't do it again.

I called your number, didn't I?

I can't believe I have fans. I waited all my life for that

I can't see.

I don't want a piece of you

I enjoy real estate speculation

I got a call from the Dallas Open

I hate to admit this, but this is my first trophy.

I love it.

I saw two fat bikers in the woods off 17 having sex

I think about you all the time.

I thought we were going to be just friends

I wish that goofy golf guy wasn't on top.

I'll be at the Red Lobster in case you change your mind

I'm going to miss you, pal.

I'm in the zone. The hole seems to get bigger

I'm not. With the great players here, anyone could win

I'm offering to teach you how to play golf, personally, for free.

I'm playing for Chubbs

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. They're excellent finger paintings.

Incredible! Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.

It's just that the air conditioner's broken. I'm getting a little warm.

It's my puck, baby! Don't you ever touch my puck!

It's very scary in here

Jackass

Let me get serious. You're all aware...

Let's do it.

Mark Lye. Welcome to the Tour.

Mr. Gilmore, Virginia Venit. I'm P.R. Director of the Tour.

My mama wouldn't let me. Said it was too dangerous.

Nice shooting, soldier

No need. This was on national TV. Gilmore is gone

No, I don't hate you.

No, it's your short game that's embarrassing. Let's go

No?

Nor the best puck handler.

Oh, my God... power failure

See if you can outdrive the amazing Golf Ball, uh, Whacker Guy!

She dressed like Gene Simmons from KISS to cheer me up.

She is sweet. That's why I feel so terrible.

She's the sweetest person in the world.

Shooter from the sand

So, I'm going to go change now.

Sorry about that

Talk about your all time backfires

Tap, tap, tap a roo.

Terry!

That's the first time he's failed to outdrive McGavin.

That's why I think people come to see you. But keep it within reason

The favorite is Shooter McGavin. He's won three of the last four

The shorter guy is Doug Thompson, president of the Tour.

Then putt.

Things just keep getting worse for Happy Gilmore

This is the last time.

This looks nice

This one's very tough

Three fifty... sold to the gentleman in the white sweater

Till the night closes in

Trying to reach the green from here?

Two fifty, thank you

Uh oh. A little too much zip on that one

Unbelievable!

Volkswagen.

We have a nice crowd here on this sun sational April morning...

We have to take the house.

We took some giant steps tonight

Well, you hardly even notice it

What just happened, Happy?

What the hell?

What the hell?

What? I can't do it!

What's going on here?

Who's the girl?

Whoa, look out.

Whoa... must be Burt Reynolds or something.

With a hammer.

Yeah, I'm gonna beat your ass out there

Yeah, laugh it up. Enjoy your night

Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you, man

Yeah. Where did he finish again? Dead last? Yeah, he had a good day.

You better pay up.

You got the ball?

You know that "Mister, mister" lady? I think I killed her.

You know what

You know what would be great? If I could get a Pepsi.

You mean no fun

You said if we got the money, we could buy it back

You suck, you stupid clown!

You're going nowhere and taking me with you.

Your grandma sounds sweet

...but I can't believe he's playing after being hit by a car.

...number fifty two... number sixteen..

...rules!

...the highest we've ever had

...this fresh, delicious, tasty...

"HA" was on one cheek and "PPY" on the other

"Happyland", just like me

364 more days till the next hockey tryouts. I got to toughen up.