Hercules Edit

A And I'm his gopher!

A couple of rodents looking for a theme park.

A friend of yours who's dying to see me.

A god!

A guy can only take so much disappointment.

A life without Meg, even an immortal life,

A little cirrus and a touch of nimbostratus

A real pain in the patella!

A stirring performance, boys.

A true hero. Great!

A word of caution to this tale.

Absolutely.

After all these years, is this the kind of hello you give your father?

Ah, Phil, schmill. Just follow me.

Ah, son, you shouldn't let those things they said back there get to you.

Ah, very nice! What I'm tryin' to say is...

Ah! Now watch your old man work!

Aim!

Alcmene, over here.

All I know is you're the most amazing person with weak ankles I've ever met.

All right, just take it easy, champ.

All right! Break it up! Break it up! Party's over!

All right! Not bad, kid!

All we need now is a plague of locusts.

Am scray!

Amphitryon, for so many years

And a dash of cumulus.

And And at least we made him mortal. That's a good thing.

And as for you, ya bum, you're gonna go to the stadium

And by the way, Herc, is she not a fabulous little actress?

And by the way, sweet cheeks, I'm real, too.

And by thunder, you're old enough now to know the truth.

And every single one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus.

And Future.

And he'd kinda blow this whole thing off, you know?

And he's all yours, son.

And Herc, you little devil you. May I call you Herc?

And here I am, kind of river guardian less.

And here is a sucker for the little sucker, eh?

And how does this creep thank you?

And I am tellin' you, and this is the honest to Zeus truth,

And I don't wanna hurt you, so let's both do ourselves a favour and stop this

And I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos,

And I think I'm gonna like it here.

And Meg here is free as a bird and safe from harm.

And not a very lively one, at that.

And now that I set you free, what is the first thing you are going to do?

And only gods can live on Mount Olympus.

And people would say, "That's Phil's boy."

And the girls were all named Brittany?

And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes was the mighty Hercules.

And the one schlemiel who can louse it up is waltzing around in the woods!

And they're practically at our gates!

And this is Pegasus.

And this time, no foul ups. Wow!

And you are wearing his merchandise!

And you can't do a thing?

And you, Hades, will rule all!

And you're gonna be put through the workout of your life!

And, as always, hey, full of dead people.

And, hey, two thumbs way, way up for our leading lady.

Animals! Disgusting!

Animals! Disgusting!

Are you always this articulate?

Are you, uh, all right. Miss, uh...

Aren't we forgetting one teensy weensy, but ever so crucial little, tiny detail?

At 1:00, you got a meeting with King Augeas.

At least I beat him, didn't I?

Aw, how cute.

Ay, verse. Oy.

Because our little nut, Meg, has to go all noble.

Before we...

Behave yourself.

Besides, O oneness, you can't beat him.

Bingo! They're immortal.

Blow him away!

Boom, badda boom! Boom, boom!

Boy, am I glad to meet you! I'm Hercules.

Brothers! Titans!

But at least I've got one swell consolation prize,

But before the flood.

But by the strength of his heart.

But by the time they found the baby, it was too late.

But I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.

But I'm different than those other guys, Phil!

But if I don't become a true hero, I'll never be able to rejoin my father, Zeus.

But if you found me, then where did I come from?

But that furshlugginer heel of his!

But this is the big leagues!

But what can I tell ya? Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?

But what is the measure of a true hero?

But why did you leave me on Earth? Didn't you want me?

But you... Are Aren't you a damsel in distress?

But, Father, I've beaten every single monster I've come up against.

But, Pop, they're right. I I am a freak. I I try to fit in. I really do.

But...

By running off with some babe.

Bye bye, Wonderboy.

Bye.

Call me Phil.

Can I ask you a question, by the way? Are you...

Careful!

Charge!

Cleopatra?

Come here, come here. Let me show you around.

Come on, Hades. Don't be such a stiff. Join the celebration!

Come on, kid! Concentrate!

Come on, kid.

Come on, kid. Come on. Fight back.

Come on, you can take this bum. This guy's a pushover. Look at him.

Come on!

Come on! Hurry up! We're shovin' off here!

Come out! Face me!

Coming, your most lugubriousness. Ow!

Congratulations, Wonderboy. You'll make one heck of a god.

Couldn't have done it without you, sugar, sweetheart, babe.

Crush Zeus!

D oh! It's like I keep tellin' ya. You gotta stay focused, and... You...

Darling, hold that mortal's thread of life

Dead as a door nail.

Dear, keep those away from the baby.

Definitely not good!

DGR, the Daughters of the Greek Revolution.

Did you cut your hair or something? You look fabulous.

Did you see that?

Didn't know you had a famous father, did you?

Didn't we?

Don't even get me started on the crime rate.

Don't even go there.

Don't get too comfortable, Hades!

Don't just barrel in there without thinking. Eh?

Don't make eye contact. People here are nuts.

Don't worry. Shorty here can explain it to ya later.

Dreams are for rookies.

Earth to Herc! Come in, Herc! Come in, Herc!

Easy, fellas. You'll be all right.

Easy, horsefeathers.

Eh, but dreams are for rookies.

Eh, close enough. Let's get you cleaned up.

Everybody's got a little taste of somethin' but me.

Everybody's not like that.

Everyone's been captured. I've been captured!

Everything except old Snowball here.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

F F Father?

Fabulous party. You know,

Father, this is the moment I've always dreamed of.

Father, wait!

Fine work, my boy! You've done it!

Fine, fine, fine.

Fine, okay. I'll give you that one.

Fine! G...

Fine. Okay. Listen.

Fine. So, instead of subtracting two years from your sentence,

First, analyse the situation.

First, that restaurant by the bay, and then that play, that Oedipus thing.

First, you must seek out Philoctetes, the trainer of heroes.

Flea.

Follow the fingers! Him! The yutz with the horse.

For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength,

For the Trojans, hey. They bet on the wrong horse, okay?

Freak! Yeah, go away!

Freeze him!

From that day forward, our boy Hercules could do no wrong.

Game.

Gee, i i it's great to see you.

Geez Louise! What got his goat, huh?

Geez! You don't give up, do ya?

Get away from me! Don't touch me! Get your slimy souls off me!

Get back, blast you!

Get outta there, you big lug, while you still can.

Get them!

Get yourself another girl. I'm through.

Girls! Stop! Stop! Come back, come back, come back.

Give that your best shot.

Go! I don't... I don't need you.

Good and tight.

Good luck, son.

Gotcha!

Great, great. Anyway, see, ladies, I was at this party, and I lost track of...

Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and kick some Olympian butt!

Guys, guys, relax.

H Hades' deal is broken.

Ha ha! You probably don't remember Pegasus, but you two go way back, son.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha!

Ha!

Ha! Meg.

Hades is gonna kill us when he finds out what happened.

Hades mad.

Hades. You're behind this!

Hah! Oh, he's strong like his dad, hmm?

Hah! Work yourself to death!

Hah! You're doin' great, son. You're doing your old man proud.

Have you ever reversed a natural disaster?

Haven't you ever had a dream,

He barely gets nicked there once and kaboom!

He comes on with this big, innocent farm boy routine,

He could jab, he could take a hit, he could keep on comin'.

He has no weaknesses. He's gonna...

He He just can't control his strength.

He hurt you real bad, didn't he, Meg? Huh?

He promised I wouldn't get hurt.

He was so hot, steam looked cool.

He's a magnificent horse with the brain of a bird.

He's got a problem with his stables.

He's history.

He's losin' points for this!

He's makin' the story sound like some Greek tragedy.

He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there.

He's so tiny.

He's the only one who can talk some sense into him.

He's too dangerous to be around normal people!

Hear me out, ya little... Just hear me out, okay?

Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what? Hyperspace? Hello, it's me.

Help, help, help!

Help! Please! There's been a terrible accident!

Herc... Huh. I think I prefer Wonderboy.

Hercules,

Hercules, if you can prove yourself a true hero on Earth,

Hercules, slow down!

Hercules, son...

Hercules, stop! You can't do this to me. You can't...

Hercules, we're so proud of you.

Hercules!

Hercules!

Hercules!

Hercules!

Hercules!

Hercules! Look out!

Hercules? Why does that name ring a bell?

Hercules. My... My name is Hercules.

Here you go, kid. A little Grecian formula.

Here you go. Ya just...

Heroes like Hercules.

Hey, hey, hey. Hold on, kiddo!

Hey, hey! Watch the glasses.

Hey, hey. I only need a few seconds and I'm a fast talker, all right?

Hey, how you doin'? Lookin' good. Nice dress.

Hey, I really don't have, like, time to bat this around.

Hey, I'm gonna add two on, okay?

Hey, I've sworn off manhandling.

Hey, isn't that the goat man who trained Achilles?

Hey, Phil! Phil! Phil! Take it easy. Phil.

Hey, Phil! What happened to you?

Hey, uh, nice job on those heels!

Hey, wait a second. Five isn't an even...

Hey, watch it, watch it! Watch it! Keep your goo goo eyes on the...

Hey, watch it! Watch it! Watch...

Hey, what's the buzz, Meg?

Hey, you need an extra guy?

Hey, you wanted answers,

Hey! Whoa!

Hey.

Hey. Where is he?

His name is Pegasus,

Hit it, ladies!

Hmm. Fortunately for the three of you,

Hmm. What day is that, son?

Hmph. Well, well. It's a small underworld after all. Huh?

Hold it!

Holy Hera.

Honey, you mean "Hunk ules."

How 'bout you?

How am I supposed to prove myself a hero if nobody will give me a chance?

How can I come down there when I'm feeling so up?

How do you kill a god?

How do you know what I'm like?

How many horns do ya see?

How sentimental.

Huh! I hate to burst your bubble, kid, but that ain't applause.

Huh?

Huh?

Hup, two, three, four. Come on, everybody!

Hurry!

I am ready. I want to get off this island.

I analysed the situation, controlled my strength and kicked.

I came back 'cause I'm not quittin' on ya.

I can feel it right down to these stubby bowlegs of mine.

I can go the distance. Come on. I'll show you.

I can handle this. Have a nice day.

I can't believe this guy.

I can't believe you're getting so worked up about some guy.

I can't hear you!

I can't, Hercules, but you can.

I didn't know that playing hooky could be so much fun.

I didn't mean to... I I couldn't... I...

I do have a little leverage you might wanna know about.

I don't care. I'm not gonna help you hurt him.

I don't feel so good. I I feel a little...

I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?

I don't think we covered this one in basic training!

I dreamed I was gonna train the greatest hero there ever was.

I finally know where I belong.

I gave it my best shot, but he made me an offer I had to refuse.

I gave this everything I had.

I got a fur wedgie.

I got nothin'. I'm here with nothin'. Anybody listenin'?

I have a special job for you, my optic friend.

I haven't been throwing the right curves at him, Meg, my sweet.

I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself.

I I got it!

I I gotta know.

I I I missed you.

I I It's you!

I I'm I'm the most famous person in all of Greece.

I just can't.

I knew that dame was trouble. This is gonna break the kid's heart.

I know it doesn't make any sense.

I know you know. I know. I got it. I got the concept.

I know, it's... it's crazy.

I know. I know.

I mangled the Minotaur, grappled with the Gorgon.

I mean your little chickie poo here was working for me all the time.

I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing.

I mean, you look like a Fate worse than death.

I must have had a chunk of brimstone wedged in my ear or something.

I need an answer, like, now. Going once, going twice...

I need more thunderbolts!

I need somebody who can handle him as a man.

I need to know.

I need your help.

I own you!

I promise.

I swear to you, Hades, when I get out of this...

I swear, Nessus. Put me down or I'll...

I think he does, Meg.

I thought I smelled a rat.

I thought you were gonna be the all time champ,

I thought you were gonna persuade the river guardian

I throw everything I've got at him and it doesn't even...

I trained all those would be heroes.

I truly think he does.

I want to become a hero, a true hero.

I want to see battles and monsters.

I want to thank you all for your wonderful gifts!

I was going for innocence.

I was really moved.

I wish to stay on Earth with her.

I won't let you down, Father!

I wonder if maybe

I would never, ever hurt you.

I, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.

I, I, I can't stop thinking about Meg.

I...

I'd advise you not to wear your new sandals.

I'll be all right. I'm a big, tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.

I'll find Philoctetes and become a true hero.

I'll go to the temple of Zeus and...

I'll have to ask you to release that young...

I'll watch over her, kid.

I'll wipe that stupid grin off your face! You...

I'm a damsel, I'm in distress.

I'm about to rearrange the cosmos,

I'm afraid being famous isn't the same as being a true hero.

I'm fine. You just run along.

I'm glad to hear you say that, Father.

I'm Hercules, and, uh... I happen to be a hero.

I'm hoppin' the first barge out of here. I'm goin' home.

I'm I I'm an action figure!

I'm kind of on a schedule here. I got plans for August. Okay?

I'm right behind ya, kid! Whoo!

I'm so sorry.

I'm the one giving orders now, bolt boy.

I'm too old to get mixed up in this stuff again.

I'm warning you.

I'm way behind ya, kid.

I'm willing to go the distance.

I've been waiting for this day a long time.

I've done my part. Get your little imps...

I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo,

If I say, "I want Wonderboy's head on a platter," you say...

If I say, "Sing," you say, "Hey, name that tune."

If only. If only.

If there's one god you don't want to get steamed up, it's Hades.

If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.

If you played hooky this afternoon?

If you would just take a day off from this hero business of yours.

If you're my father, that would make me a...

If. If is good.

In 18 years precisely,

Incoming!

Indoor plumbing, it's gonna be big.

Is this kid gonna mess up my hostile takeover bid, or what?

Is Wonderboy here for real?

Isn't it just peachy?

Isn't Meg, little smoochy face you, isn't she more important than they are?

Isn't that too nutty?

It looks better that way.

It seems like every time I turn around,

It was all my fault.

It was tragic! We lost everything in the fire.

It was tragic.

It wasn't my fault. It was this wonderboy, Hercules.

It, uh... seems to me that what you folks need is a hero.

It's a big, tough town. Good place to start buildin' a rep.

It's about him. If you don't help him now, Phil, he'll die.

It's all right. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed.

It's him!

It's like I'm... What am I, an echo or something?

It's okay.

It's only half time.

It's something you have to discover for yourself.

It's the symbol of the gods.

It's the truth!

Jeepers, mister. You're really strong.

Jeez, I mean, monsters, natural disasters. You wait a day, okay?

Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery.

Just hang onto the kid, Panic.

Just let me know the instant the Fates arrive.

Just like Phil told me.

Just stare at the sidewalk. Come on.

Keep your toga on, pal.

Kid, come inside. I want to show you something.

Kid, I'm tryin' to talk to ya! Will you come down here and listen?

Kid, kid, kid.

Kid, we gotta talk.

Kid, you're missin' the point.

Ladies, please.

Ladies! I am so sorry that I'm...

Lead with your left. Lead with your left! Your other left!

Let the kid have a little fun.

Let's get ready to rumble!

Let's go, Pegasus!

Let's just kill the kid and get it over with, okay?

Like I'm supposed to be someplace else.

Listen to me, kid. I seen 'em all.

Listen. Hercules is in trouble.

Long ago, in the faraway land of ancient Greece,

Look at that! He's changing. Can we do it now?

Look at you in your squalid prison!

Look how cute he is.

Look how you've grown.

Look, I gotta do this.

Look, I know what I did was wrong, but this isn't about me.

Look, I learned my lesson, okay?

Looks like your game's over.

Love to, babe, but unlike you gods lounging about up here,

Ma, Pop,

Man! I thought I had problems.

Match.

Maybe you should sit down!

Me bite off head!

Medium or well done.

Meg is safe, otherwise you get your strength right back.

Meg, babe, a deal's a deal. You're off the hook.

Meg, I... I...

Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet, deluded little minion.

Meg, Meg, talk to him. You know, a little schmooze, uh...

Meg, my little flower, my little bird, my little nut, Meg.

Meg, no.

Meg, when I'm with you, I I don't feel so alone.

Meg!

Meg!

Meg! No!

Meg?

Meg?

Meg.

Meg.

Meg.

Megara. My friends call me Meg. At least, they would if I had any friends.

Melt Zeus!

Memo to me, memo to me. Maim you after my meeting.

Mind his head.

Mm hmm. Good, good.

Mother.

Move! Move, move, move, move, move! Move!

Mr High and Mighty, Mr "Hey, you, get off of my cloud," now he has...

Mr Lightning Bolts!

My boy.

My boy.

My fate is in your lovely hands.

My favourite part of the game,

My little Hercules.

My little Hercules.

My lord and lady, the Titans have escaped,

Nah! I mean, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war.

Nah. I'm no hero.

Name is Hades, Lord of the Dead.

Next stop, Olympus.

Next time, don't let your guard down because of a pair of big goo goo eyes!

Nice catch, Jerkules.

Nice horsey! My intentions were pure! I really was attracted to you.

Nice shootin', Rex.

Nice work! Excelente!

No problem, Pop.

No weaknesses whatsoever?

No, I... You don't under... I, I have this terrible fear of heights!

No, it really does.

No, no, no, he has to drink the whole potion. Every last drop.

No, no, no, no, kid. Givin' up is for rookies.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no. Mustn't touch.

No!

No!

No! Get him! Not me! Him!

No! It's... It's not like that.

No! Stop!

No. I'm, I'm, I'm afraid I'm, uh, fit as a fiddle..

Nobody can hurt you.

Nobody listens.

None of 'em could go the distance.

Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad.

Not so fast, sweetheart.

Not the all time chump.

Now we did it!

Now you know how it feels to be just like everybody else.

Now, at last, my son,

Now, Hercules, this time, please just...

Now, remember, kid.

Now, that's more like it!

Now, there was a guy who had it all, the build, the foot speed.

Now, were the fires before or after the earthquake?

Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yeuseus."

Of course he's gonna f...

Of course we did.

Oh, gee, I I don't know.

Oh, gee, miss. I'm, I'm really sorry. That was dumb.

Oh, he won't hurt himself.

Oh, hmph, well. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.

Oh, I don't know. I I thought they looked kinda dashing.

Oh, I kill myself!

Oh, I owe you big time, little guy. I do.

Oh, I'm sorry, kid.

Oh, I'm sory. I can handle it!

Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.

Oh, listen to this. He's just another chariot chaser.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, Meg.

Oh, mighty Zeus,

Oh, my goodness. Whoa!

Oh, my! Oh, no! Don't! No, no, no, no!

Oh, no you don't. We're not supposed to reveal the future.

Oh, no.

Oh, Pegasus!

Oh, people always do crazy things when they're in love.

Oh, Phil I just had the greatest day of my life!

Oh, uh, no, not really.

Oh, we're in trouble! Oh, big trouble! I gotta...

Oh, what are you doing? Without your strength, you'll be killed.

Oh, what's the matter with me?

Oh, yeah! Flowers for everybody! Oh!

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe you better sit down for a while.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you poor thing.

Oh, you what slipped my mind?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Outside of town, two little boys. Th They were playing in the gorge.

Oh! You'll love this. One more thing.

Oh. Don't thank me just yet.

Oh. There goes another one. Just like Achilles.

Oh. They're here.

Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine.

Okay, okay, that's it. You won't face the truth? Fine.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Well, I deserved that. Herc, Herc, Herc. Can we talk?

Olympus would be that way.

On behalf of my son,

On to battle!

On your left is Hercules' villa.

Ooh, I'd like to make some sweet music with him...

Oops! S S sorry, guys!

Oops. Sorry, Penelope.

Or the entire scheme I've been setting up for 18 years goes up in smoke,

Our hero's a zero! Our hero's a zero!

Our next stop is the Pecs and Flex Gift Shop

Our story actually begins long before Hercules, many aeons ago.

Out the window, round the dumbbells, you lift up the back wall and we're gone.

Oy, vay.

Pain!

Panic!

Pardon me, my good, uh, uh, sir.

Pegasus? Oh, no. Don't be silly. He'd be more than happy to... Ow!

People always do crazy things

People are gonna get hurt, aren't they?

Ph Ph Ph Phil? What do you call that thing?

Phil, help!

Phil, Hercules needs your help!

Phil, I I did great.

Phil, this is great!

Phil, wait. Where you going?

Phil, what's the point?

Phil, you gotta admit. That was pretty heroic.

Phil!

Phil. I...

Pinhead with hooves? Well, you know how men are.

Pitta bread. Pitta bread. Get your pitta bread here.

Please, hear me and answer my prayer.

Please!

Please!

Please.

Pull!

R Really? W What? I'll do anything.

Read me a book, would ya, Da da?

Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason,

Rescue some damsels.

Rule number 15, a hero is only as good as his weapon!

Rule number 38. Come on, Phil. Keep them up there, huh?

Rule number 95, kid. Concentrate!

Rule number 96.

Rule number six.

Run for it!

Run!

Ruptured disks?

Say the next 24 hours.

See, he's gotta have a weakness because everybody's got a weakness.

See, I've got the major deal in the works. A real estate venture, if you will.

See, Phil? That... That wasn't so hard.

Seek out Philoctetes. Right. I'll...

Set.

She's been playin' ya for a sap!

She's something else.

She's something. Isn't she, Phil?

Sheesh!

Should Hercules fight, you will fail.

Shut up!

Since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh?

Six?

So close.

So did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?

So great, the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars all across the sky,

So here's the deal. Zeus,

So I would be eternally grateful

So is this an audience or a mosaic?

So let me just ask.

So maybe you could put in a word with him,

So much for the preliminaries, and now on to the main event!

So this is what heroes do on their days off.

So when do we start? Can we start now?

So you took care of him, huh?

So, can't. Love to, but can't.

So, first you got to turn the little sunspot mortal.

So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?

So, uh, do you have any problems with things like this?

So, uh, uh... How how how'd you get mixed up with the, uh...

Somebody call IX I I!

Someone stole you from us and turned you mortal,

Something you wanted so bad you'd do anything?

Sometimes I feel like I really don't belong here,

Sometimes it's better to be alone.

Son...

Sorry. Weak ankles.

Sound the alarm! Launch an immediate counterattack!

Sounds like your basic DID, Damsel in Distress.

Speak of the devil.

Stay by the cart.

Step aside, two legs.

Stick with me, kid. This city is a dangerous place.

Stop twitching.

Sudden death.

Sure ya are. Everybody in Greece

Surprise!

Ta dah!

Tell me about it.

Th There was this rock slide, a terrible rock slide.

Thank you, my boy.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks a ton, Wonderboy.

Thanks, son.

Thanks.

That boy is a menace!

That doesn't sound good.

That if it wasn't for you, I never would have met her.

That kid's gonna be doin' laps for a month.

That you, by the way, so charitably bestowed on me, Zeus.

That's because they live in a city of turmoil.

That's it!

That's it. Dance around! Dance around!

That's it. Next time, I drive.

That's my boy.

That's not a problem, is it?

That's right.

That's the sound of your freedom fluttering out the window forever.

That's the spirit!

The crowds went wild!

The day I rejoin the gods.

The end is coming! Can't you feel it?

The great hero's 30 minute workout scroll Buns of Bronze.

The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself.

The planets will align ever so nicely.

The thread won't cut.

The time to act will be at hand.

Thebes has certainly gone downhill in a hurry.

Thebes is still waitin'.

Then read my lips! Forget it.

Then the once proud Zeus will finally fall,

There he goes! On the veranda!

There is nothin' you can't do, kid.

There was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes.

There's a whole cosmos up there waiting for me with, hey, my name on it.

There's some new monster wreaking havoc and I...

There's some things you just can't change.

There's something your mother and I have been meaning to tell ya.

There's the little sunspot. Little snootchie.

They couldn't handle him as a baby.

They even applauded, sort of.

They think that "No" means "Yes," and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours."

They were after the earthquake. I remember.

Think your nanny goat would go berserk

Thinks you're the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pitta.

Thirsty?

This is it! Don't you see? Maybe they have the answers!

This is the last straw, Amphitryon!

This is... This is impossible!

This kid is the genuine article.

This might be a different Hercules.

This one is different. He's honest, and he's sweet...

This ought to even the odds!

This was around your neck when we found you.

Three cheers for the mighty Hercules!

Throw!

To join my team for the uprising,

Trust me, kid.

Two words.

Ugh!

Uh oh.

Uh, don't don't don't unload just yet. First, I have to finagle with Phideas.

Uh, exactly how do you become a true hero?

Uh, Hephaestus has been captured, my lord.

Uh, I don't think your pinto likes me very much.

Uh, no. Can you help us?

Uh, Phil's got the rest of the day pretty much booked.

Uh, powerful little tyke.

Uh, sorry, Herc.

Uh, uh, uh, I'm, um, uh...

Uh, we already got five, and we want to keep it an even number.

Uh... Ma'am, I'm afraid you may be too close to the situation to realise...

Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.

Use your head!

Wait a minute.

Wait! Stop!

Wait! Um, can we give you a ride?

Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, nymphs!

Wait. I'm sorry. Time out. Can I...

Wait. Wait, big guy.

Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to...

Watch it, pal.

Watch it! That was part of the mast of the Argo.

Watch out!

Watch the teeth. Watch the teeth. Keep going. Come on. Come on.

Watch this.

We are the Muses, goddesses of the arts and proclaimers of heroes.

We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy.

We got a job to do, remember?

We simply need to find out Wonderboy's.