Deadpool 2 Edit

A bee sting.

A bomb?

A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes.

A child should not be burdened with such power!

A cup of good luck...

A dab of racism...

A few moments...

A little bit of light reading here...

A little turbulent up here.

A lot.

A mood that is

A mutant boy is appearing to have

A panic room? Really?

A place in this world.

A scene of absolute chaos here.

A sense of certainty that you can pull something off.

A sense of confidence is nothing

A splash of diabetes...

A team of highly skilled motherfuckers.

A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.

A whole bunch of functional idiots.

A wise woman once said to me...

About my heart?

About the high winds?

About to get significantly worse.

About why we're so good together.

Accidental double entendres!

According to the Kubler Ross model...

According to the...

Actually, that may have been me.

After a lengthy standoff

After that, he gets a real taste for it.

Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Ah, shit.

Ah, there they are.

All I remember is he was African American.

All right, I'll put out a call for resumes.

All right, we could do this with four.

All right, well, this has been pretty scary!

All right, you're scared.

All right?

All right.

All right. Say you wake up tomorrow morning...

All right. This is for all the marbles, kid!

All these old guys on the wall.

All you dirty mutants

Alone.

Although I don't quite understand

Although I'm glad you heard it.

Although these will kill you.

Always wanted a real super suit.

Am I getting catfished here or...?

Amen, brother.

An ocean is water.

And a sexual predator, too. That's rich.

And a vicious super soldier from the future...

And a wheelbarrow full of stage four cancer?

And all I wanna do is grab her and see her

And causes nothing but problems!

And certainly not very cinematic.

And every good family film starts with a vicious murder.

And fashion his bones into holiday jewelry.

And filtered her pain through the prism of humor.

And for the first time in a long while...

And fucked up, and not particularly convenient!

And get down on your head! Now!

And give me back my Skee Ball token.

And goddamn it, an eagle's gotta soar.

And he knew exactly how to do it.

And he's not alone.

And hi, Yukio! That was really nice of you to say hi...

And his Are You My Mother? complex!

And how would I do that exactly?

And I can imagine your dead girlfriend...

And I frankly disagreed with you.

And I need to feed my cat!

And I was like, "Take a seat, shit dick."

And I'll tell you anything you wanna know.

And I'm an X Man.

And I'm hunting wabbits.

And if we succeed, we all go home early.

And it appears as if the X Men are arriving...

And it was the best thing I ever did.

And it's gonna make a lot of people very sad.

And just like me,

And karma, motherfucker.

And killing, and killing,

And killing.

And last, but not least...

And launching it into space...

And let it out a little in the waist.

And let's kill this motherfucker!

And like a lot of dicks, he's hard as a rock...

And make friends with them.

And make it rain!

And make sure the world

And maybe, possibly mildly lucky.

And Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever...

And nobody fucking realizes it.

And promise me. Promise me one thing.

And rub it around on your beard a little bit

And she looked up at his smooth,

And sometimes you gotta fight dirty!

And stashed it in the old prison wallet,

And stop the people that took your girl, would you?

And stretch it out over a homemade mating drum.

And tear off a piece of dry tissue...

And tell her that I'm sorry, and I can't.

And that is just the first five steps

And that is the most beautiful thing

And that's a twist.

And the X Men were called in to restore order.

And then farted his way out of the living room.

And then go on, get on with your day?

And then have consensual sex with their sister?

And then I'm gonna come back with my friend, Cable.

And then remember the movie Interview with the Vampire?

And then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse.

And this is the Vanisher.

And threatened him with great violence?

And three, does Dopinder ever find love?

And to update you

And took the only thing that made it a home.

And transported to the Ice Box...

And treatment.

And turned it into a glory hole

And we can make the whole world our bitch.

And we'll make him our bitch!

And when he does, say yes.

And who'da thought?

And why is he dressed like a registered sex offender?

And you are not giving up on that boy.

And you can create it at any moment in time.

And you know it, you sick son of a bitch!

And you winning the Ice Box award for softest mouth.

And you would scrub the fucking shit

And you, Cable.

And you...

And you're absolutely right.

And you're my Kristen Dunst!

And young enough so they can carry

And your paper towel tube arms.

And, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film.

And, hypothetically, find some fresh shit on your face.

Another disgusting minority off the streets.

Answer: a family.

Any powers you wanna tell us about?

Anyone but me.

Anywhere's better than here.

Are gonna rot in hell with the boy!

Are you a superhero?

Are You Bear, God? It's Me, Margaret.

Are you pissing? Are you urinating right now?

Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?

Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?

Are you trying to make me feel disgusting?

As a former X Man...

As a piece of shit a long time ago.

As many people as melanoma has.

As soon as possible.

As you charge at me with murderous intent.

At ease, Officer.

At least domestically.

At least we still have Bowie.

At the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation.

At the office.

Attention, all inmates!

Aw. That's, like, my favorite part of the Bible.

Baby factory's open for business.

Baby, I'm so sorry.

Baby, that's Empire.

Baby? Baby?

Back in your cells, you filthy mutants! Get in there!

Back off, NTW.

Bad news is the whole team is dead.

Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?

Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.

Be at the X Jet in five.

Beat it, midget!

Beat me within an inch of my life.

Because he's built a team. He's unstoppable.

Because I'm not gonna make it to two.

Because I've been inside you.

Because of a light breeze?

Because of me, he's gonna know what real love looks like.

Because of you, I'll always know

Because of you.

Because the whole world wrote him off

Because, honestly, he's a bit of a dick!

Been smoking a lot jazz cabbage.

Before I go...

Believe me, son,

Besides him, who will treat you right.

Besides, we're X Men.

Besides...

Better than we used to be.

Beyond their own worst experience.

Big CGI fight coming up!

Black Evan, I don't know.

Blessed are the wicked

Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand!

Blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand.

Blessed are the wicked...

Blessed are the wicked...

Boom!

Both of 'em?

BOTH: That's good, yeah.

Boy howdy.

Bred into it.

Brought a Super Soaker.

Brush your teeth a hero...

Burn the headmaster alive...

But a sense of power within yourself...

But all I told him was everything he wanted to know.

But by the content of their character.

But Cable? Ugh. That guy's in a mood.

But even you know I'm not a complete piece of shit.

But here we are, trying to overcome our differences.

But here's the thing,

But I can now. What do you want me to say, huh?

But I can't wait to never speak of this,

But I did take 8th grade Spanish, so...

But I do know how to hug you.

But I guarantee he hasn't killed

But I wouldn't kill a kid.

But if you kill him, he wins.

But in this film, well...

But it's family you need.

But maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand.

But not me.

But nothing that can't be fixed.

But one day, your old pal Wade's gonna ask you...

But she was funny...

But something did happen.

But sometimes dreams don't come true.

But that isn't Russell.

But that's where you'd be wrong.

But then we discovered his mom is named Martha, too.

But there is a slight chance

But they quit halfway through.

But they quit halfway through.

But this guy?

But this is what friends do. They show up!

But this time, you can see

But we can't really live till we've died a little, can we?

But we'll get to him in a moment.

But we're not paying medical or dental.

But we're X Force! Nope! We're not.

But what did he do to you?

But worst of all...

But you can be.

But you can.

But you know something?

But you must learn never to use them...

But you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt!

But you're an eagle...

But, hey.

But, no, being a hero takes only a few moments!

But, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting.

But, then...

But, uh, all signs point to yes.

But...

By my hand.

Bye, Wade!

Bye, Wade!

Bye, Wade!

Bye, Yukio!

Cable's gonna kill you when he finds out.

Calm down, squirt. It's over. We got ya.

Calm down.

Came up with that little chestnut?

Can every day be International Women's Day?

Can I have one of those guns?

Can we focus for a moment, ladies?

Can we get a wipe down on the table?

Can you come out?

Can you see it?

Can you turn off the music?

Can't maintain an erection

Captain Delicious Pants.

Carry him three feet off the ground

Causing anxiety, confusion...

Cell 04 located.

Cells 1, 3, 7, 8.

Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.

Cells seven and nine

Cells seven and nine

Christ!

Chrome Bone.

Codswallop.

Come here, beautiful.

Come in! Hey, I was just doing

Come on.

Come quietly, or there will be trouble.

Connor, if it's a boy. May, if it's a girl.

Convoy, 12 o'clock! On my command!

Cool name! Superpowers?

Cool your pits. They're growing back.

Cool. I like it.

Couch cushions after Shark Week.

Couldn't kill me.

Courage, motherfuckers!

Cut. I've got bad guy blood, right in my open eye.

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!

Deep down inside, you know you're unfit to leave.

Define "chance."

Definitely all the way up to the elbow.

Denial is just one of the five stages of grief.

Deploy! Oh, hey now!

Designed by Fox executives...

Diarrhea?

Did he taste the rainbow?

Did you just say "hollow points"?

Do I look like a patient burn victim?

Do in the future, anyway, huh?

Do they make Purell for your ears?

Do you go to a bathroom

Do you have the courage to check and see...

Do you know what would happen to me if I helped you?

Do you see that beautiful bright light?

Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

Do You Want to Build a Snowman? from Frozen...

Does it really get the job done?

Does this song sound familiar to you?

Doesn't shit itself into oblivion.

Doing the right thing is sometimes messy...

Doing the ugly stuff no one else will do.

Domino, mind slowing us down?

Domino.

Doms, get me out of here, please.

Doms!

Don't be mean.

Don't be. Don't be.

Don't do that.

Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me.

Don't feel bad. Even I can't kill me.

Don't fuck Elvis.

Don't give up on the boy. How could he just walk away?

Don't I? A good day.

Don't look. It'll only make it worse.

Don't make a move. This is a stick up.

Don't stare directly into that.

Don't try to chase me. Wade!

Don't want to.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. You're not going to die.

Don't you know how to knock?

Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs!

Don't you want your surprise?

Door won't open!

Dopinder, it's me again.

Dopinder!

Dubstep's for pussies.

Ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero.

Enough energy to reverse time is...

Enough!

Entering repair mode.

Environmentally friendly.

Especially around the pants.

Especially Pinkie Pie from My Little Pony.

Even if I have to teabag him to death.

Even if we were...

Every time you're tempted to act upon your urges.

Everyone, calm down! The pros are here. I...

Everything usually just kind of works out for me.

Except for where they are.

Except, of course, that.

Family is not an F word.

Family was always an F word to me.

Figure it out!

Figured out how to shut you up.

Final offer.

Finally, one more pass with toilet paper,

Find the biggest guy and make him your...

Fine. All right, let's flip a coin. Okay?

First day. I'm so nervous!

First off...

First rule of the yard, fuckface...

First, he rides my coattails with the R rating.

For $45, you get sucky suck.

For all manner of combat.

For the first time...

For X Force, unfortunately.

Four or five moments!

Four or five moments!

Freakshow comic book artist...

Friend? You were sick, and I protected you.

From joining the deadly merc business...

From now on, we'll be known as...

Fuck it!

Fuck superheroes.

Fuck this!

Fuck Wolverine.

Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right!

Fuck, you are dumb.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! Fine!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck you.

Fucked up, insecure, needy, and emotional.

Fucker can't stay in a panic room forever.

Fucker hates mutants.

Fucking A, sweetie.

Fucking acidic vomit!

Fun fact about the Ice Box...

Gender neutral.

Genuine, high grade lead.

George Michael was right.

Get a power restraint on him. Now!

Get away from me, kid!

Get away from me!

Get down.

Get me on the ground, watch me go!

Get off this property, mutant scum!

Get out of my head!

Gets the job done.

Gingivitis.

Give him a chance.

Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye.

Give me a chance to save him.

Give me some.

Give me that back! That goes with me everywhere.

Give me your best shot, One Eyed Willy.

Go get him, tiger!

Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.

Go home, Wade!

Go home, Wade.

Go on, you're doing it!

Go on. Go, get out of here.

Go to church, maybe dinner and a movie,

Go, go, go!

Go! Go! Go!

Go.

God, I wish this were a bus

God, it smells like Hitler's anus...

God, you're a douche.

Goddamn, that's beautiful.

Gonna pretend like that never happened.

Good call.

Good call. You guys coming with us?

Good listening. I stole that guard's pen...

Good news and bad news.

Got 'em. God, Russell.

Got it! No, I don't.

Gotcha!

Grab the boy. But not inappropriately!

Grab those dreams by the dick tip...

Great, I'll pick 'em off along the way.

Grover's got a cock the size of a twig.

Guy Pearce performance.

Guys, for a second there...

Handicapable children stuck in a tree...

Hands off that kid, John Connor!

Handsome face and said...

Hang in there, Doms!

Hang the laundry out at 1,300 feet...

Happy anniversary, baby.

Happy?

Hard left, douchebag.

Have we met? I can't place your mustache.

He came into my home...

He deserves to die for what he did to you.

He dies tonight, Wade.

He even runs like a fucking pervert.

He has an ass pen. He'll stab you with it.

He hurt you badly. Makes you wanna hurt others.

He loves killing kids.

He may be running late.

He tried to beat the genes out of us.

He was a bit of a prick. Oh, but Paul!

He was one of the worst of 'em.

He was torturing me!

He was trying to hurt me...

He wasn't too happy about that.

He's dead, too.

He's doing great.

He's doing it!

He's going in through the back!

He's gonna go straight to jail

He's just a kid!

He's never had anyone sacrifice anything for him...

He's never had anyone, ever.

He's not here, is he?

He's on top of you.

He's really teeing it up, isn't he?

He's standing right behind you, isn't he?

He's tearing you open!

He's very short, 5'11". Not like in the comics.

Heads, you did it for me. Tails, you did it for me.

Hello, Russell.

Hello?

Her name's Hope.

Here goes nothing.

Here we go.

Here we go. Bring it in.

Here we go. One, two, three. F... F... F...

Here's a spoiler alert.

Hey, baby!

Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low!

Hey, bud. Bud.

Hey, it's Gail calling.

Hey, Ness!

Hey, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Asshole!

Hey! Been meaning to ask you...

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! It's me! Don't scratch!

Hey! Pick on someone your own size!

Hey.

Hey. Been meaning to ask you...

Hey. Look at me.

Hi, there!

Hi, Wade!

Hi. This is a toughie.

Hit it, Dolly.

Hmm?

Hmm. Something wrong with the soap.

Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!

Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay?

Holy mommy fucking shit!

Holy shit pickles! That guy's on fire.

Holy...

How 'bout that putz with the giant pigeon wings?

How do you know what I want?

How does that, uh, help us?

How in the fuck are you in already?

How powerful they make you feel.

How something so small generates

How they are at all similar.

How you need to feel...

Huggies Natural Care wet wipes.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh. Could've used one of those in the first act.

Hurry up and open this fucking door,

I accept your apology. I never apologized.

I ain't letting Cable get to him,

I am not X Man material at all.

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry.

I am so sorry. It gets better.

I believe him! Every man for themselves!

I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies.

I bet you do, Brown Panther.

I came close a few times.

I can distort electrical fields.

I can do thirty.

I can have anything I want.

I can hear you rummaging around in there.

I can't believe he's still alive.

I can't believe you left the house in that shirt.

I can't bring him down alone.

I can't feel...

I can't protect you.

I can't trust anybody!

I can't trust you.

I can't wait to kill!

I care about you, Russell.

I could barely keep a straight face.

I could be of great use.

I could get used to this X Man shit.

I could hear you coming the last 30 seconds.

I cried when they canceled Felicity.

I didn't have a family, either.

I do want to live the dreams, Pool Boy.

I don't bargain, pumpkin fucker.

I don't care what the kid did to me.

I don't do well with pain, you know.

I don't give a fuck about him...

I don't have a home, Weas, you know. I got a...

I don't have a sock puppet on me...

I don't have one.

I don't have what it takes to do this...

I don't know how to thank you.

I don't know much about this Cable fella...

I don't know what that means.

I don't know what this is.

I don't know who that is.

I don't know why I packed the hollow points.

I don't know yet.

I don't know. How long does it take

I don't mean right now.

I don't recall asking your opinion, Peter!

I don't speak Cantonese, Mister...

I don't think anyone's gonna miss Shatterstar.

I don't wanna die without an audience.

I don't want you to hurt me,

I feel the soul exiting the husk.

I finally know why I'm here.

I fucking did this.

I get it.

I got one for you, too.

I got one more idea.

I got this.

I got two charges: one to get me here,

I got you, buddy!

I got your back.

I gotta start taking care of myself.

I guess dubstep never dies.

I guess family really is an F word.

I guess my heart was finally in the right place.

I guess Stryker finally

I had no idea hopeless was a color.

I had so much fun! You were like...

I hate to interrupt, but is anybody nervous

I have a mission now.

I have a mission.

I have an idea.

I have one right now.

I have three questions then.

I haven't always been the best friend to you.

I hear you're handy at picking locks.

I heard the news, sweetie.

I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader.

I just filled it. Give it a few more pumps there.

I just get a little choked up sometimes.

I just have a few final words.

I just love being around you guys so much.

I just need a couple of hours to get some legs

I just need to die harder.

I just wanna say how proud I am of this team.

I killed every last one of them, except me.

I know how seductive they are.

I know it's in there, I just need to get it out.

I know what you're thinking.

I know you're doing what comes naturally.

I know you're doing what comes naturally.

I know you're in there.

I know. I love you, too.

I like her!

I like it.

I like me.

I like that.

I like this guy.

I like to think that I've rubbed off around you, too.

I liked you better with your hair short.

I literally don't know what that means.

I love dubstep!

I love Frozen.

I love the decor though.

I love you, Wade Wilson.

I love you, Wade Wilson.

I love you.

I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.

I made mistakes!

I mean, it's not like I have a lot of strong role models

I mean, like Rush Limbaugh's

I mean, luck?

I missed you so much.

I need a bus to get you all out of here.

I need to be selfless.

I need to take you back

I never should've left you in that prison.

I never should've left you there.

I never stood up for myself in there.

I only do over the pants, mouth stuff.

I read the suggestion box.

I realize that you're new to this, but relax.

I really have to go. It's my anniversary.

I really hope I don't know what you're saying.

I really wanted to match, you know?

I said no touching!

I said, "You remind me of my wife."

I see through this weak act.

I see what you did there. Puns.

I should have finished college.

I should have left you

I should've worn my white pants.

I spent 10 years in Special Forces.

I still got it.

I think I'll head back to the car.

I think I'm in the right place.

I think we both know

I think we may have found

I think we should all do it at the same time.

I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.

I thought that was you!

I thought this was an anal bleaching party.

I thought you saw me...

I thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there.

I told you I care about you.

I use a device to slide through time.

I used to have one of those in 1990 never.

I used to live in a shithole just like it.

I wanna take them back!

I want some more.

I want to become a contract killer.

I want to belong to something, like you, Pool, sir.

I want you to have my Adventure Time watch.

I wanted to be a superhero.

I was a soldier. Special Forces.

I was always appalled by the blatant sexism

I was born into war.

I was going to say "soul". I want to fill my soul.

I was once an X Man.

I was raised in this place.

I was rounding up all the gluten in the world

I was talking to your heart.

I went to prison. I, uh...

I will bathe in the blood of your enemies.

I will never, ever let our child be named Todd.

I will never, ever let our child be named Todd.

I wish you'd said "pants".

I won't even make it to one.

I wonder what gang I'll be in.

I would be disgraced.

I wouldn't ask him to do that, if I were you.

I wouldn't fuck with Deadpool either.

I'd ask who you are, but you'll be dead in a second.

I'd buy them all a bouquet of hand jobs.

I'd gone international,

I'd never let anything happen to you, Sugarbear.

I'd rather die of cancer. Let's just...

I'd whisper it, but Skittles would sue us.

I'll also be the first to admit that

I'll ask the questions, Miguel.

I'll be first to admit...

I'll be praying for you.

I'll be right back!

I'll burn you! You stay back!

I'll burn your balls off!

I'll give you 30 seconds.

I'll keep it forever.

I'll kill the kid.

I'll never not picture that.

I'll start by making us a shank.

I'll start from the beginning.

I'll tell you that much.

I'll tell you why I'm here.

I'm a grower, not a shower.

I'm about to do something terrible.

I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids.

I'm at the end of my rope.

I'm basically better than you at everything.

I'm Batman.

I'm coming up on your six.

I'm doing this alone.

I'm Domino, and doubtful.

I'm dying in this one, too.

I'm fine.

I'm from the future. Just walk away.

I'm getting good at this shit.

I'm glad everybody dropped by.

I'm going to burn that headmaster alive.