A Charlie Brown Christmas Edit

A great big, shiny, aluminum Christmas tree.

Actually, Lucy, my trouble is Christmas. I just don't understand it.

All I want is what I have coming to me. All I want is my fair share.

All right, all right, script girl, continue with the scripts.

All right, let's have it quiet. Places, everybody.

All right, let's take it from the top again.

All right, now, there's no time for foolishness.

All right, now, what seems to be your trouble?

All right, quiet, everybody.

ALL: Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown.

Am I right? I said, am I right?

And get rid of that stupid blanket.

And here, memorize these lines.

And mistletoe and presents to pretty girls.

And suddenly, there was with the angel...

And the angel said unto them:

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field...

And this shall be a sign unto you.

And this shall be a sign unto you.

And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them...

Are you afraid of responsibility? If you are, then you have hypengyophobia.

Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacophobia.

Are you going to let all this beauty go to waste?

As you know, we are going to put on the Christmas play.

Beethoven Christmas music.

Beethoven wasn't so great.

Before you begin, I must ask that you pay in advance.

Besides, I think it needs me.

Booooooo.

Boy, are you stupid, Charlie Brown.

Boy, what a sound.

Can't you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?

Charlie Brown is a blockhead, but he did get a nice tree.

Charlie Brown, isn't it a great play?

Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know...

CHARLIE: This little green one here seems to need a home.

Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy.

Christmas is not only getting too commercial...

Cut, cut. No, no, no.

Dear Santa Claus, how have you been? Did you have a nice summer?

Do innkeepers' wives have naturally curly hair?

Don't think of it as dust.

Don't worry, I'll be there to help you. I'll meet you at the auditorium.

Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it?

Due to the shortage of time, we'll get right down to work.

Even my baby sister.

Every Christmas it's the same. I always end up playing a shepherd.

Everyone talks about how great Beethoven was.

Everything I do turns into a disaster.

Everything I touch gets ruined.

Fantastic.

First prize?

Five cents, please.

For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a savior...

For unto you is born this day...

Get hot water, get some disinfectant, get some iodine.

Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find, Charlie Brown, maybe painted pink.

Give me one good reason why I should memorize this.

Good grief.

Good grief.

Good grief.

Have you ever seen his picture on a bubble gum card?

He has the nicest sense of humor.

He may be carrying soil that was trod upon by Solomon.

He never got his picture on bubble gum cards, did he?

He's not the kind you can depend on to do anything right.

Here he comes. Attention, everyone, here's our director.

How about a penguin?

How I love to hear that old money plink, that beautiful sound of cold, hard cash.

How is your wife?

How would you like to be the director of our Christmas play?

I almost wish there weren't a holiday season.

I always end up feeling depressed.

I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle...

I always wait until January.

I can't memorize something like this so quickly.

I can't memorize these lines. This is ridiculous.

I didn't send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown.

I don't care.

I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel.

I don't know anything about directing a Christmas play.

I don't know, Charlie Brown.

I don't know, Linus. I just don't know.

I feel depressed. I know I should be happy, but I'm not.

I guess I really don't know what Christmas is all about.

I guess you were right, Linus. I shouldn't have picked this little tree.

I have been extra good this year...

I just don't understand Christmas, I guess.

I know nobody likes me.

I know when I've been insulted. I know when I've been insulted.

I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards...

I never thought it was such a bad little tree.

I ought to slug you.

I suggest we try those searchlights, Charlie Brown.

I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus.

I think we'd better pinpoint your fears.

I think you have a customer.

I told you he'd goof it up.

I won't let all this commercialism ruin my Christmas.

I'll give you five good reasons: One, two, three, four, five.

I'll keep my directions simple.

I'll take this little tree home and decorate it...

I'm supposed to get down to the school auditorium and direct a Christmas play.

I've been looking for you, big brother.

I've killed it. Oh....

If I make a revolving motion with my hand, it means pick up the tempo.

If I make a slashing motion across my throat...

If I point to the right, it means focus attention stage right.

If I spread my hands apart, it means slow down.

If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself:

If we can find out what you're afraid of, we can label it.

If you really had thought I was beautiful, you would've spoken right up.

If you're afraid of cats, you have ailurophasia.

In spite of my outward appearance, I shall try to run a neat inn.

Incidentally, I know how you feel about all this Christmas business...

Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down.

Isn't he the cutest thing?

Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?

It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want.

It sort of makes you wanna treat me with more respect, doesn't it?

It's fun.

It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.

It's run by a big Eastern syndicate, you know.

It's taking the curl out of my naturally curly hair.

It's the spirit of the actors that counts, the interest that they show in their director.

It's too early. I never eat December snowflakes.

Just send money.

Lights and display contest? Oh, no.

Lights, please.

LINUS [VOICE OVER]: For, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy...

Linus is right.

Linus, you've got to get rid of that stupid blanket.

LINUS: Gee, do they still make wooden Christmas trees?

Listen, all of you. You've got to take direction.

Look, let's rehearse the scene at the inn.

Lucy, get those costumes and scripts and pass them out.

Man's best friend.

May I help you?

Maybe I'll make it into a sport coat.

Maybe Lucy's right.

Maybe the soil of ancient Babylon. It staggers the imagination.

Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean.

Me? You want me to be the director of the Christmas play?

Memorize it and be ready to recite when your cue comes.

Mm. Needs sugar.

My own dog gone commercial. I can't stand it. Oh....

No, no, no.

No, no. I mean "Jingle Bells."

No, no. You don't get it at all. I mean "Jingle Bells."

Nobody sent me a Christmas card today.

Now, look, if we're ever to get this play off the ground...

Now, the script girl will be handing out your parts.

Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.

Oh, brother.

Oh, well.

Okay, Mr. Director, the cast is set. Take over.

Okay, shoot.

Okay. I'll take Linus with me. The rest of you practice your lines.

On the contrary, I didn't think I'd look that good.

One of the first things to insure a good performance...

Or even Nebuchadnezzar.

Or gephyrophobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges.

Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia?

Our director will be here any minute and we'll start rehearsal.

Pigpen, you're the innkeeper.

Pigpen, you're the only person I know...

Places. Action.

Please note the size and color of each item and send as many as possible.

Rats.

Rats.

Remember what Lucy said? This doesn't seem to fit the modern spirit.

Sally, come here.

Say, by the way, can you play "Jingle Bells"?

Schroeder, set the mood for first scene.

See? You wouldn't hit an innocent shepherd, would you?

Shermy, you're a shepherd.

Snoopy, you'll have to be all the animals in our play.

Spectacular, super colossal neighborhood Christmas lights and display contest."

Stop the music! All right, now.

Sure, Charlie Brown. I can tell you what Christmas is all about.

Sure, Charlie Brown. We need a director, you need involvement.

Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet.

That beautiful sound of plinking nickels.

That beautiful, beautiful sound. Nickels, nickels, nickels.

That does it.

That's it, Charlie Brown. You get the tree. I'll handle this crowd.

That's it!

That's right. What about my part?

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

They sure look ripe to me.

Think of it as maybe the soil of some great past civilization.

This commercial dog is not going to ruin my Christmas.

This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play.

This really brings Christmas close to a person.

Those are good reasons.

Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue.

Ugh. I've been kissed by a dog. I have dog germs.

We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket.

We'll decorate it, and it'll be just right for our play.

We're back.

We're going to do this play and we're going to do it right.

We've even got a Christmas queen.

We've got a shepherd, musicians, animals, everyone you need.

We've got to get on with our play.

Well, as they say on TV...

Well, I don't have much time.

Well, I guess we'd better concentrate on finding a nice Christmas tree.

Well, it's real good seeing y'all here.

Well, sort of, but I'm not sure.

Well, this is one Christmas shepherd...

Well, this is one play that's not gonna be commercial.

What a tree.

What about the Christmas queen, hmm?

What are you gonna do with it when you grow up?

What do you mean, Beethoven wasn't so great?

What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas?

What kind of Christmas music is that?

What's a Christmas shepherd gonna look like...

What's going on here?

What's going on here?

What's the matter, Charlie Brown? Don't you think it's great?

What's this?

Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?

Why should I be put through such agony?

Will you please write a letter to Santa Claus for me?

Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."

Yeah, do something right for a change, Charlie Brown.

You didn't answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn't you?

You do think I'm beautiful, don't you, Charlie Brown?

You know, deck them halls and all that stuff.

You know, Santa Claus and ho ho ho.

You need involvement.

You need to get involved in some real Christmas project.

You think you're so smart with that blanket.

You write it, and I'll tell you what I want to say.

You're an absolute mess. Just look at yourself.

You're the innkeeper's wife.

You've been dumb before, Charlie Brown, but this time you really did it.

You've gotta have respect for your director.

Can you be a sheep? Baa.

Director? What director? Charlie Brown.

Frieda, this is We can't go on. There's too much dust.

Hmm? How can you say someone is great...

How about 10s and 20s? Tens and 20s? Oh....

How about a cow? Moo.

I don't think that's quite it. How about cats?

I'm in sad shape. Wait a minute.

It's all wrong. Look, Charlie, let's face it.

Look, Charlie Brown, what do you want? The proper mood.

Lunch break, lunch break. Lunch break?

Oh, no, we're doomed. This will be the worst Christmas play ever.

Waaah. Ah.

We need a Christmas tree. Hey, perhaps a tree.

What do you want her for? She's gonna be your wife.

What is it you want? Real estate.

What kind of a tree is that? You were supposed to get a good tree.

What's pantophobia? The fear of everything.

Yes, he's even a good penguin. Ooow!

You're hopeless, Charlie Brown. Completely hopeless.

...a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

...and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy.

...and I'll show them it really will work in our play.

...and the glory of the Lord shone round about them...

...and they were sore afraid.

...getting depressed and all that.

...holding a stupid blanket like that?

...in the city of David, a savior, which is Christ the Lord.

...indicates that you are not too far gone.

...is strict attention to the director.

...it means cut the scene short.

...it's getting too dangerous.

...keeping watch over their flock by night.

...or clothes or something like that.

...so I have a long list of presents that I want.

...the mere fact that you realize you need help...

...we've gotta have some cooperation.

...which is Christ the Lord.

...which shall be to all people.

...which shall be to all people.

...who can raise a cloud of dust in a snowstorm.

...who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem.

...who's going to keep his trusty blanket with him.

...who's never had his picture on bubble gum cards?

"Fear not, for, behold, I bring you tidings of great joy...

"Find the true meaning of Christmas. Win money, money, money.

"Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth, peace, goodwill toward men."

[ALL LAUGHING]

[ALL SINGING "HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING"]

[APPLAUDING]

[CHOMPING]

[ECHOES] Hello in there.

[ENGLISH SDH]

[HOLLOW METAL ECHOING]

[HUMMING "HARK! THE HERALD ANGELS SING"]

[LUCY SPEAKING AND SNOOPY MOUTHING] You've got to have discipline.

[MUSIC STOPS]

[PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS" OFF KEY]

[PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS" ON ELECTRIC ORGAN]

[PLAYING "JINGLE BELLS"]

[PLAYING BEETHOVEN'S "FÜR ELISE"]

[PLAYING BEETHOVEN'S "FÜR ELISE"]

[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI'S "LINUS & LUCY"]

[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI’S "LINUS & LUCY"]

[PLAYING VINCE GUARALDI’S "LINUS & LUCY"]

[SHOUTING] That's it!

[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

[UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]