Friends with Kids Edit

A great girl with big tits, long legs, who isn't crazy, or neurotic, or religious.

A one, a two...

A widow with no grandchildren until now remembers.

A year ago not everyone thought that this little arrangement was gonna work out.

A. Definitely A.

Actually, divorced people have it kind of great.

Actually, now I miss twos.

Alex told her. Oh, and Callie told me.

Alex, can you come out here for a second, please?

Alex!

All right, I'm gonna go.

All right, just a few more pushes.

All right, listen, it's bedtime.

All right, sorry.

All right, sweetheart. All right.

All right, sweetheart. I love you.

All right, there we go. So now, let's open this present.

All right, we're almost there, keep pushing.

All right, well, have a great drive.

All right, you guys, listen. Those nice people next to us,

All right? I don't want to ruin your holiday, so...

All right. Is it all of us?

All that stuff. We're lucky.

Alligators are in lakes or swamps and marshes.

Alligators drown you before they eat you. So, there. Shark. Okay?

Always happy, ready for the day, can you imagine?

And "Oh, my God, she snowboards,"

And all of the sort of conflicting theories on that.

And asked why his friend Bobby had two moms.

And every time I commented on how hot another woman is,

And every time I went out, you resented the shit out of me,

And fly like an airplane and he's been crying like this for an hour!

And for some strange reason, he seems genuinely into me.

And I had a sitter and everything.

And I have to be able to leave town on a moment's notice.

And I love it, it's great, but I just don't need to know the ins and the outs of it.

And I really enjoy my freedom, so...

And I think that we should just stick with that

And I think they just haven't been able to face us.

And I wasn't into it, but you were and it's your body, so

And I'm just supposed to believe you all of a sudden?

And I'm like, "I'm sorry, that's living the dream?"

And if you're not convinced afterwards that I am into you

And it just seemed like a crazy way to spend your life, I mean,

And it's kind of game over, right?

And it's not because I'm lonely, or desperate, or whatever else you think.

And it's stressful and you're fat and cranky, and I get that.

And Jon & Kate Plus 8.

And just skip over the whole marriage and divorce nightmare.

And Kurt, if things don't work out with you and Jule,

And lawsuits,

And make commitments to make a relationship work, yes, it's insulting.

And not for nothing, but it's like,

And not get confused, you know?

And only really special people get two houses to sleep in.

And plus, we just know each other too well, you know?

And possibly some broken bones, maybe child services being called.

And say all this confusing shit to a two and a half year old. You just can't.

And tell me that you will be 100% committed to this, half the time.

And that guy, twice.

And that is... Okay.

And that's bad because...

And that's kind of the whole thing right there, you know.

And that's my cue.

And the worry that your guy'll never like fucking you again

And then it doesn't get good again for like five years?

And then look at him.

And then the next, they just look ugly to you.

And then we'll open the present,

And then when they meet the person they really want to be with,

And then you're going to go to sleep real quick, okay?

And these are on her nights, but I'm like, "Really?"

And totally not attracted to each other physically.

And try and reclaim a small shred of my masculinity before going to work.

And watch the love of my life die a slow painful death by disease

And we're not attracted to each other,

And what is it, seven weeks old? How old is it?

And you don't die on impact.

And you know I can't afford half of 20K a year for private.

And you're happy, and it makes sense,

And your last job was?

And, honestly, I've just never had the urge

And, yeah, Joe is fine now. He's one!

Aneurysm or cancer?

Anyhow, I am Kurt. And you are?

Anyway, I think we need to be a little more supportive. You know?

Anyway, so how about you. How did you meet your wife?

Apparently I forgot to pick up your gift.

Are they even allowed in here?

Are we late enough? Should we circle?

Are you certain this is okay? Are you okay with him?

Are you fucking kidding me today?

Are you guys completely hammered already, or what's going on?

Are you kidding me? Are you re gifting?

Are you kidding me? Seriously?

Are you kidding me? This one goes into the bathroom

Are you kidding? I live for this.

Are you looking at what I'm looking at?

Are you okay, sweetie?

Are you serious?

Are you seriously telling me that if we met today,

Are you waving hello to us?

As a friend.

As long as you promise to go right to bed, okay?

As soon as things got hard,

At certain angles, I really like the way it looks, and others, it's like,

At my age, even if I meet my guy,

Babe, I have to go. We are going to a gig downtown.

Babe, you want a latte?

Babe?

Badly.

Basically, I help this really rich guy decide who to give his money to.

Basically, I just help people strategize, focus, prioritize, you know?

Because I just wanted to be with family.

Because I think our friend Kurt here has actually raised some very good questions.

Because it might be her last chance is the worst thing that I ever heard.

Because it's cavernous now, and not...

Because she got the germs from the doctor's hands and died.

Because the thing is when I said that, I...

Because we couldn't wait to get home.

Because, hon, when we met, you were in your twenties.

Being around two people that fucking hate each other?

Being into someone new.

Ben!

Besides, it looks like these guys could use a little bit of a hand here.

Better.

Blogs, and... You know.

Both wanted a kid, and we hadn't met our people,

Boy, you were not kidding.

Brooklyn, huh?

Bull in a china shop.

Buried in tits.

But all I do when I'm with him is think about you.

But all those things that you said at the cabin, you said...

But anyway...

But do any parents ever say that their kid's not great?

But do you really think he's going to be okay later

But good luck to you guys. I can't wait to see how it all turns out.

But he did that!

But how are you two gonna deal with this?

But how lame is it that it's a lunch? I mean, late lunch? Really?

But I know she wanted to have kids eventually, but...

But I wouldn't make mine slow and painful, I'd get out early.

But I'm incredibly relieved to know your pussy is still tight.

But I'm like a gypsy. I do eight shows a week and I'm never home,

But it ended,

But it has been... It has been really impressive to watch.

But it's just par for the course. That's the gig.

But it's not just the baby card, it's the baby card and Brooklyn.

But now my appetite's back, thank you.

But see, I'm not just gonna be with someone who's not into me.

But seriously, I did actually want to make a little toast,

But sharks are only in the ocean.

But then after all the hoopla, nobody sleeps for what, like a year?

But then you have those moments, you come home from work,

But what's the alternative, just not like your kid that much?

But why do you think Jason wants to do this?

But you also have a solid out 'cause it's just lunch.

But you know what? You were right.

But you see,

But, I'm sorry, that's what you signed on for.

But, look, you can't come into my house

But, then, you get a great kid at the end. Like Cole.

But, you know, that's a good thing.

But...

But... There was talk that it might end in tears,

Can I ask you to put some of this on?

Can I just point out that Jule can't get to a second date.

Can I throw a grenade on him?

Can we get a couple more?

Can you hold that, please?

Can you turn it up, do you think?

Check your inbox.

Cheers.

Cole, honey, can you just... Please, for a moment!

Come on in.

Come on up.

Come on! You coming? Let's go!

Could you get the fucking door? What are you, deaf?

Daddy, stay!

Daddy, stay!

Damn, six weeks and out? We could have hired her.

Dancers are usually lithe and boyish, so...

Death by shark or alligator?

Did the... Did the bell ring?

Did we decide on a method?

Did you have to wear those shoes?

Did you save any pizza for me?

Do they have sex, like, all the time?

Do you really think you of all people should be doling out parenting advice?

Do you think this epidural should be working better or something?

Doll, what is it? You seem weird, or sad, or something.

Doll, you didn't tell me that. Come on.

Don't say that in front of him.

Don't you miss me at all?

Dude has missed the last five poker nights,

Dude, you have no idea. I have never, ever had sex like this before.

Easy. We dated casually once or twice, got pregnant,

Elaine, how've you been?

End of an era.

Even a little?

Even when they had him?

Everything down the middle, right? Even.

Everything else was just filler.

Everything we had was the romantic part.

Except for the nose. He got mine, poor thing.

Face and not invite that kind of comment.

Far and above the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with.

Fine, I'll feed him! It's not like it's that big a deal.

Five, tops.

Follow, it's showing you. It's showing you.

For being such a profound asshole up in Vermont.

For the record, I'm against it, but it is depressing.

Forget it.

From your vagina.

Fuck off!

Fuck the shit out of me.

Fuck you.

Fuck.

Fucking prick!

Get the fuck out.

Get to it, pop one out, lose the weight quickly,

God knows you have. What is that, your sixth scotch? Is that what's going on?

Good bye. Good bye.

Good job.

Good job. Thank you.

Good night, buddy.

Good to have you back.

Good to see you, long time.

Good. Did you meet everybody?

Got it.

Gotta go check in at the hotel.

Great dog.

Guys, guys, just before we all start eating.

H€Y

H€Y

H€Y

Half the time. We split custody.

Hamptons time share, in the hot tub, millennium weekend.

Happy birthday. I'm sorry. I feel like an asshole,

Have your cake and eat it, too. Well, guess what?

Haven't seen them since the hospital.

He adores you, it's obvious.

He can't discern the nuances of who to hate right now. That comes later.

He didn't even come Monday when I had floor seats for the Knicks.

He doesn't hate anybody. He's not a hater. Come here.

He gets so excited when he sees a dog, it's crazy.

He just got divorced, that was in March, so I've sort of just been giving it time to settle,

He was a nice, pleasant guy.

He's adorable.

He's dumb as a stump right now.

He's fine.

He's hungry

He's like a brother.

He's like a real, grown up man.

He's not bright enough to be a hater right now, his brain is like this big.

Help yourself. We have Bloody Mary mix,

Here we go.

Hey, are you sure this is okay? I can do a half day,

Hey, babe, what's up? You okay?

Hey, buddy, do you want to see the doggy?

Hey, buddy, how you doing? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Hey, Cole, can I take your backpack?

Hey, Cole, you know what? We brought you something.

Hey, Cole.

Hey, Cole. How are you, can I take your coat?

Hey, Cole. What's up, buddy?

Hey, good morning.

Hey, he's ready. I'll go get him.

Hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey, Jule, Jule...

Hey, how was your date, by the way?

Hey, it's okay.

Hey, Jase, how are things with the hot Latina nanny?

Hey, Kurt, you in or out, buddy?

Hey, Lewis, don't forget rehearsal tomorrow, right? 7:00. She's right this way.

Hey, thank you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

Hey, when do you think it'll be okay to get naked with someone?

Hey, who would like to watch Thomas the Tank Engine?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey. Oh, my God, thank you very much. Hi. Thanks so much.

Hey...

Hi, buddy. Hi, buddy.

Hi, I'll have a glass of the '93 Chéteauneuf du Pape.

Hi, I'm Ben.

Hi, I'm Julie.

Hi, Katie, you look so pretty.

Hi, Phil. Nice to see you.

Hi, Troy, how are you?

Hi! Oh, my goodness, you're gorgeous.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Holy shit.

Hon, did we get Jase a gift?

Honestly, no.

Honey, did you find the sled yet?

Honey, just the floor, baby, that's it. You got it.

Hottest,

How about waterboarding, how do you feel about that?

How are you? Good to see you.

How did you do that so fast?

How did you do that?

How do you explain to your kids

How do you go from fourth grade, hitting people in the neck with small pieces of...

How?

How's Callie?

Hundred bucks a plate, and they're bringing toddlers?

I apologize for the 50 times he rang the doorbell.

I bet she had big tits.

I blame my parents. Why are you whispering by the way?

I brought the bottle, why don't you feed him for once?

I can mitigate risk to zero on shark death if I never get into the ocean.

I can't do it. I gotta put Joe to bed. It's my night. Let's do Tuesday.

I can't really tell if you're kidding right now.

I could never ever be responsible for another living thing.

I could use a little help, what do you think, huh?

I did everything you asked!

I did everything. I fed him, I changed him, I burped him, I swaddled him...

I didn't invite Kurt or anyone here tonight

I do, but not at that level.

I don't even know how it's done.

I don't feel that way any more.

I don't get how people meet people if it isn't through college or work.

I don't have anyone for her.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I have never been happier, so...

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I don't know what is wrong with me.

I don't know, I didn't really get her.

I don't know, it's not quite symmetrical with my chin.

I don't know, just 'cause I didn't have access to your big dick or something?

I don't know, man. Just too much familiarity, you know?

I don't know, when they had kids?

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I'm... You know. It's like... Fucking Jesus.

I don't know. Just not much of note since.

I don't know. Nothing. I mean, we can't say anything, right?

I don't know. Pulling on his wiener and hitting stuff all the time?

I don't know. You just seem so unsupportive. That's so unlike you.

I don't swim in the ocean.

I don't think that two friends having a kid together

I don't think they had any idea how hard any of this was gonna be.

I don't think this is so hard.

I don't understand how it's possible.

I don't understand, so what's wrong?

I don't want to miss anything.

I don't work in advertising.

I feel like I know you. I have two of your thongs in my apartment.

I feel like we're over the worst of it.

I forget, what do they say about commitment issues?

I get it.

I got a lot of good years left.

I got it. I'll be right in. Yes, I will.

I got there, he was 61.

I got to tell you, you know what, he's a pig when it comes to women.

I gotta go. I'm late. So have a great night.

I guess I need six pink and eight blue ones.

I had a really dirty dream about her.

I had no choice, so we decided to split custody and remain friends.

I have a boy. He's gonna be two in a few months.

I have the whole night just like later on after this.

I have to drop five by Friday.

I hope that's okay.

I jerked off to it a few times already.

I just can't be close to you any more.

I just want a role model for my young boy, so...

I just want someone.

I just want to make one note.

I just want to stay here, though, and go to the park with you guys.

I just want you to know that we would like you to live with us.

I just wanted to apologize in person, by the way.

I just wanted to say how glad I am that we're all here.

I just wish you'd ask me more often.

I just...

I know everything there is to know about her.

I know that if she is ever paralyzed from the neck down,

I know that she's honest,

I know that we both think that organized religion is completely full of shit.

I know that we have the same values,

I know the big birthday is next week, and I just...

I know the mood she's in when she wakes up in the morning.

I know what I said that night, and all I can say is I...

I know, but late lunch. It's so unpromising.

I know, but you and I both know that's gonna burn out soon.

I know, I didn't even think he wanted to have kids,

I know, right.

I know.

I know.

I know. I know. Let's get your pillow. Let's get you cozy.

I know. The having the kid part's exciting and great.

I like to take my time, babe. I like to take my time.

I lost my footing, and then, I bumped into my friend Julie, here...

I mean, after Andy was out of the picture, you were right there.

I mean, after everything that we've been through?

I mean, Cole came home the other day

I mean, for me, it's been really...

I mean, God knows you're attractive, you are beautiful.

I mean, he's a friend guy, but I'm totally unattached.

I mean, he's got all the time in the world, but this might be it for her.

I mean, honey, you can't share all that shit with someone

I mean, I can put myself together, but... I just have good hair, you know.

I mean, I've never had sex on a boat or a piano.

I mean, if all this awesomeness continues.

I mean, it'd be different if we were married and I owed you something,

I mean, it's amazing for you guys, and you're all doing such a good job,

I mean, Missy and I used to have sex in the bathroom of the train

I mean, really, what am I supposed to do with that?

I mean, seriously,

I mean, that's like really taboo.

I mean, the guy I've been waiting for my whole life, I'll have, like, what?

I mean, the last guy I had sex with was you and this was like a quantum leap size wise,

I mean, there's a guy, but he's not my guy.

I mean, who knew there were men like this out there in the world?

I mean, you don't really have a lot of time to waste, doll.

I might need a moment to myself here to think about your face and your body.

I miss you so much.

I missed you so much.

I need to drink on dates.

I never got that expression,

I probably don't need to tell you, you probably already did exhaustive research

I promise. Bye. I gotta go.

I scrubbed everything with bleach, even the baseboards,

I should go. I'll call you from the road. I love you.

I think I met "the girl" today.

I think late lunch can turn into early cocktails.

I think she just doesn't like me, exactly...

I think she was trying to make me feel bad or something.

I think we both look terrific.

I think we're three weeks out.

I thought it was that you're afraid your mom's gonna out your penis off.

I wanna fuck the shit out of you.

I want Daddy to sleep at our house.

I want to stay in your house.

I want...

I was airing it out!

I was in a really bad place, man.

I was just too fucking stupid to realize it.

I was right by Seinfeld.

I was taking care of the most beautiful little girl in SoHo.

I wasn't ready.

I will be 100% committed to this, half the time, maybe even more.

I will do it. I will do it.

I will see you very soon. Bye. Have fun with Daddy.

I wish I could sleep at your house, bud.

I wonder why...

I would love to, but I should go home.

I'd love some, Alex.

I'd never had a love of my life, okay? I mean, I didn't know I did.

I'll be right back.

I'll get it. Hello?

I'll just get a Stella.

I'm a bit off my game. A bit off my game.

I'm actually from Long Island, but, how are you?

I'm amazed we're finally being invited over

I'm coming. I'm coming.

I'm doing only slightly better myself.

I'm glad we did this.

I'm going to break up with her soon anyway.

I'm gonna get back to you after I make some tough decisions, thanks.

I'm gonna head out.

I'm good. Oh, it's your best friend!

I'm happy with all the accessories.

I'm just gonna take a pill. I'll see you tonight, yeah?

I'm just saying, who do we know?

I'm just tired. You don't have to do anything.

I'm just trying to set it straight, put it out there,

I'm just...

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

I'm like an elephant in a china shop.

I'm not angry at you. I'm not pining for you. I'm dating a lot. I'm good.

I'm not drunk.

I'm not drunk.

I'm not married. And I wasn't hitting on you.

I'm not usually this inarticulate or cheesy.

I'm probably going to be boarding just because I'm not 100, so...

I'm serious.

I'm so in love with you I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry for saying that, that was the first thing that came out.

I'm sorry if you're feeling lonely, or guilty, or whatever it is you're feeling,

I'm sorry, do you mind if we, you know,

I'm sorry, excuse me. Can I put him in with Katie? Do you mind?

I'm sorry, I couldn't get them to a restaurant. I really tried.

I'm sorry, it's just sometimes girls need a little foreplay.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't know that.

I'm sorry. You're gonna really come back here and tell me...

I'm trying, I went to the last setup from this one, brutal...

I'm very clumsy.

I've made my peace with it.

I've never felt lonelier, you know.

If we're going to conceive a child.

If you could do... Oh, thank you. Hold on one sec, sorry.

If you had any idea what it was like to look at you wearing that thing...

If you think that you and Jule are gonna be BFFs for life,

If you wanted him in your room or ours tonight.

In a real glass.

In every possible way a person can be into another person,

In the bathroom?

Instead of ruining it with all of these almosts, okay?

Is considered a cry for help in many circles.

Is he a Nazi? Nazi basketball player?

Is it burning?

Is it worth trying the drunken sex thing once or twice

Is it you hated your mom, you wanted sex with your mom?

Is not gonna make you bored as shit one day, then you are fucking wrong!

Is that corn?

Is that suddenly you love this creature, I mean, this stranger, right?

Is the ketchup inside your nostril still burning, Milo?

Is there anything you see, Jase, that you want to enquire about?

Is this a terrible idea?

Is this the way this is gonna go?

It is gross. And I don't want him.

It is way past bedtime.

It just comes out sometimes.

It just looks like chocolate.

It makes me happy, nice to meet you, young lady.

It makes, like, boners shoot out of my eyes.

It seems appropriate, right?

It was just too much, okay?

It was really sad. I mean, it was good, it was a strong episode, but sad...

It was very sudden.

It wouldn't happen?

It'll be too confusing for them if they see their dad

It's a great day, isn't it?

It's a nice night, let's just have New Year's...

It's a tie. You can return it.

It's amazing how fleeting it is, you know?

It's because I realized that we got it all wrong.

It's been a really long time.

It's crowning. Scissors.

It's everything else that really sucks.

It's fucking toxic in here.

It's just a life.

It's just sex, come on.

It's just, she makes a lot of noise and between that and the positions

It's kind of hard to hit it when you have two kids asleep and drooling on you.

It's like hurting me just to stand here.

It's like kissing a brother, or something.

It's like she's one of my limbs or something.

It's my husband's birthday.

It's not natural. Doll, you gotta sweep out the cobwebs.

It's not that hard. I mean, that's ridiculous.

It's okay, but thanks.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's our dream, we've always wanted you guys to get together!

It's right through here.

It's simple. He loves me and he hates you.

It's so moist.

It's true. But we decided guys spend more time crapping and puking, right?

It's your best friend!

Jase has sex a lot...

Jase, we forgot. We're gonna get it this weekend, sorry!

Jase, where's Katherine? Is she meeting you here?

Jase, you're fucked. What are you going to do?

Jason made the most amazing quiches.

Jason, who we've always found to be...

Jule and Jase are trying to tell us something.

Jule, don't wait too long, 'cause I have some serious prospects for you.

Jule, I love you so much.

Jule...

Julie, when are you gonna get back out there?

Julie.

Just a cup of coffee.

Just because it makes me feel big, you know?

Just come in here and say all that great stuff.

Just kidding. It's a good name. It's a lovely name.

Just so she could, like, get involved with this gene pool.

Just talk it through for a sec, pro and con it.

Just what if?

Just wish my husband was here to see this.

Just...

Kurt gets it, he's got kids.

Kurt is

Kurt is not coming.

Kurt's really tall, so...

L say

L.

L.

Leave the kiddies at home.

Les will still be strident and I'm going to keep drinking a lot, so...

Leslie, Alex, how are your children?

Let me put him down, and I can give you my full attention.

Let me see.

Let you say hi...

Let's do this.

Let's get you to bed.

Let's go, if you're skiing. Cars are loaded up, grab your stuff, let's go.

Let's go!

Let's just do it.

Let's just pretend we're really into each other, okay?

Let's see...

Let's take these pillows off.

Like she said.

Like she's part of my body, you know?

Like that.

Like this happening for me, so...

Literally while I'm in the cab, by the way,

Little more porn.

Look at him. He looks just like your father.

Look at that treat. Check that out.

Look at this! I can't believe how big he's gotten.

Look at this.

Look at you, competent. See how that works?

Look, I can explain it very simply to you. Look at Joe right now.

Look, I don't know where all this is coming from.

Look, I feel like a fucking teenager when I'm at your baby mama's apartment.

Look, I know my timing sucks, but...

Look, if you want to talk about these terribly depressing things, I'm totally game.

Look, none of us really ever thinks we're doing a perfect job

Looking really, really dorky.

Love you.

Lunch is good, lunch is low stakes.

Makes me feel like a linebacker, you know? Like, I have to slouch.

Manhattan is the new Manhattan.

Maryjane. That is a great name.

Maybe I should just get going. I mean, this is starting to get embarrassing.

Maybe sign a legal document or something?

Maybe twice a month, maybe it's not that bad.

Maybe we should not kiss and just watch the porn.

Maybe write a memoir, so...

Maybe.

Maybe. Sorry.

Me, too. Me, too.

Mean.

Meningitis. Meningitis.

Mimosas, whatever you want, I'm going to get the coffees going.

Miracle of life, people bring gifts.

MJ? I had like 10. Dude...

MJ's great.

Mom, Dad left us 12 years before he died, and he remarried,

Mommy looks beautiful.

Most caring man I have ever dated.

Much worse to be without the person you love than to have a slow painful death.

My baby... Joe's dad, that's just Joe's dad.

My turn, clearly...

Never been on a road trip together.

Never thought that day would come.

Nice job, son.

Nineteen weeks, can you believe?

No pizza for me. No pizza for me.

No, can't be that long.

No, come on, it can't be that. It can't be just that.

No, Doctor, please, no episiotomy.

No, I do, she just scares me a little.

No, it was kind of mutual. Right? I mean...

No, it's crazy.

No, it's crazy. It's like one day, they're the hottest thing on two legs,

No, it's not. He's like eleven. He's a bartender. What is wrong with me?

No, just take it. You know. Throw it away if you want.

No, no, I'm on a cleanse.

No, no, no, you know what? You know what? I'm not finished.

No, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.

No, no, no. Please don't. I haven't had sex in a really long time.

No, no, no. You don't get it, you don't get it. You're dying!

No, no.

No, she's not religious.

No, sweetie, I'll just...

No, that was me. That was...

No, that's me. Hey, Kurt, it's me. That's just Jason, my friend.

No, that's not the arrangement.

No, the hardest part, and everyone says this,

No, this is my point, the setup is flawed. I mean, think about it.

No, this is not booze... This is not booze talking.

No, this way was more of a "Let's just roll the dice and see what happens," right?

No, we haven't seen them. Like not once. Just e mail.

No, we rented a car.

No, we're good. We're gonna get on the road in 15, 20 at the most,

No, what, I mean, no.

No, whatever. It's the baby card. They all play it.

No, you were totally perfectly in proportion to your height.

No,no,no,no.

No!

No.

No.

No. Dude, Julie.

No. Never married.

No. No, sir.

Nobody ever came close?

Not all of them are convicts.

Not my mom, not even Leslie. Just you guys.

Not yet. Not yet you haven't.

Nothing surprising.

Nothing, I really just haven't had anything like...

Nothing, I...

Nothing. It's been like years, hasn't it?

Nothing. Nothing. Kurt is...

Now look at us!

Now?

Of course, it's all going to be down the middle.

Of course.

Oh right, hey...

Oh, B. I'm living!

Oh, babe. I was waiting for this to happen.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy...

Oh, come here, you.

Oh, come on, just hop in a cab and come back.

Oh, don't worry about it. I'm good on my feet.

Oh, fine.

Oh, God, no!

Oh, God. Get ready.

Oh, God. Well, that's just mean

Oh, God...

Oh, honey...

Oh, I got it, yeah. They're really great and hot, so dig in.

Oh, I should tell you, I'm a grower, not a shower

Oh, my God, are you serious?

Oh, my God, he was a setup through my boss.

Oh, my God, I've been getting really excited about this trip.

Oh, my God, it really is disgusting. It's super gross.

Oh, my God, that's the worst idea I've ever heard.

Oh, my God, what about our parents?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's okay. Doctor Wong, great!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Miss, you want some... Sorry!

Oh, my God. What do we do? What do we say?

Oh, my goodness, wow. Hi.

Oh, my goodness, you're huge! And I like you tremendously!

Oh, my goodness! How you doing?

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my God! So sorry.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean it that way.

Oh, no, no, no. She sounds... She sounds great.

Oh, no, not quite. MJ's still in bed. We had a pretty late night.

Oh, no. I had this epic nine year thing from college with this guy Andy,

Oh, no. They're here.

Oh, right.

Oh, shit. You guys have a fight?

Oh, thank you for asking about my night, by the way.

Oh, that's not fair, that is not fair.

Oh, the body is just the gravy.

Oh, there's a guy in my bed.

Oh, we... We broke up.

Oh, yeah, the monitor's right there. Go ahead.

Oh, yes, I think so. I think it was pretty tight.

Oh, you know what, but this is actually the fake stuff, carob.

Oh...

Oh...

Okay, all right, great. We'll take him tonight then.

Okay, all right, I got you. Let's go.

Okay, all right, in that case, I would go with cancer.

Okay, all right, you know what? We'll both put you to bed,

Okay, all right.