Army of Thieves Edit

A life less ordinary.

A little family.

A man whose money we most certainly do not wish to be caught stealing.

A reasonable question.

A second place finish from Mr. Nervous Guy.

A series of four safes, one for each opera of Richard Wagner's legendary Ring cycle,

A very good morning. How can I be of help?

About 235 billion combinations.

About the going to the bank?

About the safe breaking itself,

According to theory rather than experience or practical application.

After all the pain and fear,

Ah, okay. Got it. Okay, reconning.

Ah, so is it like in a movie film,

All I knew was of all the people in that basement,

All of the Wagner safes are under the ownership

All of you, get in the middle of this floor.

All right, fine.

All right, so be it. We ditch the van,

All right, this isn't a credit union anymore.

All right, time for plan B.

All right?

All right.

All the gods under the sun wanted it for themselves.

Allow me to apologize for him.

Also known as the Twilight of the Gods.

Although, we have reason to believe he now goes by the name of Brad Cage.

Always be prepared.

Always be prepared.

Am I being spunked?

America. Nevada specifically.

Americans...

Amidst the epidemic, groups of civilians are stepping up to do their part

And Alexis is an asshole.

And as always, I've been your, uh, Sebastian Schlencht Wöhnert,

And as you pointed out, they have chosen now,

And asking me if I want to fuck her.

And casting her out of her Valhalla.

And contestant number one is finished.

And crack!

And crack!

And crafted it into a ring so powerful,

And everything gets messed up in some way.

And fall in love.

And finally the Götterdämmerung,

And found people go into the bank all the time

And frankly, I don't know what it is to you.

And Goddamn it,

And how does he know them?

And I belong to a crew that executes international bank heists.

And I just wanted to take this opportunity to say it.

And I think I know who did it

And I want to recruit you.

And I wouldn't expect you to either.

And in fact, my heart is still racing from, you know...

And it never goes according to plan,

And it was her.

And it's only working together that we can pull off that which needs the pulling off?

And it's...

And longed for a more exciting life

And may I say what a shame that is.

And not just the Siegfried. We could earn our place in history.

And now that I know you've got the skills to match,

And old.

And providence has brought you to me.

And so I'm simply just going to say it.

And stole an early copy of Pirates of the Caribbean 2.

And that brings us to yesterday,

And that man three tables to my right...

And that's all?

And that's that?

And that's that.

And the dude in the back corner...

And the maker of the safe? One Hans Wagner.

And then he slays the dwarf who raised him,

And then the cycle begins anew.

And then you go to work and go home alone.

And they will lock forever.

And this is our getaway driver.

And this is the last known photograph of Alexis Broschini.

And thought she saw kindness in him and the rest of the crew.

And until now with Wagner's Ring cycle, nobody could.

And upload. [sniffles]

And we would one day be reunited in the vault of the Götterdämmerung.

And we'll descend into the vault.

And we'll find it together.

And when she stole her first car.

And when you contacted us, we took action immediately.

And where they're going next.

And Wotan sends his daughter Brünnhilde to kill Siegmund.

And yet again and again,

And you're sure we have the right casino?

And, um, hit the button with the word "subscribe" on it.

And, um, I hope you too will get great enjoyment out of it,

Any questions?

Are all rumored to still be in circulation.

Are you all right? I, uh... I brought you some water.

Are you aware that the safe scheduled for transfer tomorrow morning

Are you serious?

Are you upset about the scrawny safecracker?

As for the Götterdämmerung, no one knows what became of it.

As for who I am,

As I was saying, keep watch on the perimeters.

As the children of Odin or Wotan,

As well as more information about their construction.

At least if we cooperated with the casino...

At one of our more prestigious locations.

At this time on this morning.

Beatrix! Beatrix!

Because in order to understand a work, you must engage with it.

Because in that moment, I knew that of all the people in the world,

Because it's not just about the money, Brad.

Because the next job we intend to take on, you are the only one who can pull it off.

Because zombies are scary.

Before she dropped off the grid.

Being American makes it trash.

Bonjour, monsieur.

Brad was one of those kids.

Built a series of four safes that are now subject of legend.

But a plane ticket to the same place she was going,

But all of them touched upon love.

But at that moment, in that basement, I didn't know any of that.

But Hans' work did not end with the Ring cycle.

But he has never applied his skills in real life.

But his work was pure enough that they could not.

But how much did she tell you about who she is?

But I admit I don't know the intimate details, which is why we have you.

But I always felt like if I could do just one really great thing in my life,

But I believe in you.

But I haven't even started to crack my safe yet.

But I must ask you now to leave.

But I'm here for a very [whispers] secret issue.

But moved by his love for Sieglinde,

But of the world's living locksmiths,

But please keep it as steady as you can.

But saying it is incredibly stupid.

But she ditched them when she was 17,

But she's had a tough go.

But that was okay.

But the transport is already underway.

But they were there and they were glorious.

But they're just dreams, Sebastian.

But this sounds much riskier than Paris. Are we sure it will work?

But we can't do it without you.

But we should hurry it up.

But we're on the cat grid.

But what about the next opera?

But who gives a shit, right?

But you're gonna wake up feeling fresher than ever.

But, come on, woman to woman,

By those truly worthy of the secrets they guarded.

By your fucking zombie plague to do it.

Call me if there's a problem. You're welcome.

Call the bank.

Calm down. Calm down.

Can I crack it?

Can it be opened, and by me?

Can we go play Mario Kart while you fill in Mr. Scrawny over here?

Can you believe my luck?

Can you make sense of this?

Capable of containing all his anguish and misery,

Cat allergy. But thank you for the compliment, Miss Dominguez.

Causing a rabies like response in those who contract it.

Clearly a sore spot.

CLOSED

Come on, let's go.

Come on! Run!

Come on.

Come to my office, please.

Comprised of four epic operas with roots in Norse mythology.

Congratulations.

Could we be looking at a new champion?

Could you imagine... [chuckles]

Could you please stop pacing?

Cross the office and I'll send the other elevator.

Damn it!

Damn it.

Das Rheingold,

Did he get through?

Did nobody read the fucking briefing packets?

Did you just say "gulp"?

Did you know that Richard Wagner spent 31 years writing the Ring cycle?

Did you really just say, "T minus"?

Did you see what happened with the Valkyrie? I fucked up!

Didn't tell me we have guns.

Die Walküre or The Valkyrie,

Do I represent your greatest chance of opening it?

Do not stop. Nobody's getting out.

Do we say something?

Do you know how fucking rich we are right now, huh?

Do you know what happens in Wagner's Siegfried?

Do you know what? Do your job.

Do you really want all of this pinned on you alone?

Do you see that woman over my shoulder?

Do you understand?

Does that seem like something an action hero would do?

Don't fuck this up.

Don't look around too much. Head straight to the bathroom.

Don't pretend that you didn't know the plan.

Don't stop this van, Rolph!

Don't worry, I don't actually let him load it anymore.

Don't worry. We'll get them next time. Go on.

Don't you see?

Don't you think it's just a little too good to be true?

Drive!

Estimated to contain the equivalent of $40 million.

Even if I wanted to help,

Even if you make it to the boat, you'll never make it out of the lake.

Eventually, I would come to learn so many things about her.

Everyone, meet Sebastian... Unpronounceable last name.

Exclusively to, uh, take shits.

Excuse me, a question.

Excuse me, who's the old guy?

Excuse me. [mutters]

Fair point.

Faster. Faster. Faster.

Fill the bag. Come on!

Fine!

Fireball,

First door on your left.

Five now, isn't it?

Focus on the 500s.

For instance, that she was six years old when she stole her first wristwatch.

For instance, the story of the safe that has brought us here today.

For my international friends and fans.

For the final chapter in his namesake,

For the sake of time,

For their gold,

For them, it was about finding a mark and making a buck.

For this video today, I will be switching into English

For what?

Forever.

Four contestants left for the semifinals.

Four hundred thirteen million combinations.

Frankly, I'm not sure why we're bothering.

Fresh air feels so good.

Fuck you, Alexis.

Fuck!

Fuck. What is wrong with you?

Fucked and had an even hotter baby."

Fun time tonight?

Get a banana nut muffin and a coffee and eat it alone.

Get her phone!

Get her phone!

Get out of the car. Get out of the car!

Get the fuck out of here! Go!

Get the fuck out of here.

Get the phone!

Get to the truck now.

Get your hands off me.

Getaway driver to the stars.

Gil Pedretti, on the ground in Las Vegas.

Given its impenetrable nature,

Go to the elevator at the end of the hall.

Go up, pretend to unlock it, and I'll open it, okay?

Go, go, go!

Go!

Good luck with that.

Good?

Good.

Goodbye.

Götterdämmerung?

Grab my fucking hand, now!

Gross.

Gwen, I did it. [laughs]

Gwen! Gwen!

Gwen?

Gwen.

Gwen.

Gwen's coming.

Hands in the air.

Hands up!

Hans Wagner, he named it the Götterdämmerung

Having fun?

He devoted his life to this work.

He did it.

He disappears.

He had one more safe to build.

He had strapped to his inner thigh.

He has no part in this. He's not a criminal.

He idolized the heroes. [scoffs]

He slays the dragon Fafnir

He thinks he can spend the whole night talking to my girlfriend?

He was once a hard working family man, a pillar of the community,

He's an outsider.

He's nobody.

He's not a criminal.

He's not going anywhere.

He's not one of us. He never was.

He's scared shitless like Bambi.

Hello.

Hello.

Her parents were rich as shit.

Here you go.

Hey, I go as fast as I fucking can!

Hey, there you go, sir.

Hey. Hey, talk to me.

Hi, um...

His real name is not Brad Cage?

Hold this, please.

Holy mother of shit.

Holy shit. I remember when that was leaked. That was her?

Honestly?

How are we gonna do the Siegfried without him?

How are you?

How is it not over? Huh?

How sad it is that this great man,

How she met Alexis when she was 19,

How stealing made her feel alive.

How would you like to make 250 grand for one day's work?

Huh, huh?

I almost feel bad for him.

I am an internationally wanted jewelry thief,

I am the woman who is going to change your life.

I believe the locks are to be solved in the order of the story

I can only be in their system for 16 seconds at a time

I can, with humility, say yes.

I can't forgive myself for being a part of it.

I can't tell you exactly what's going on right now,

I can't.

I did it. I fucking did it!

I did tell you, but guess what?

I didn't see you.

I disabled yours when you shot that Interpol agent...

I do not even know if I can.

I don't give a shit.

I don't judge.

I don't know how the fuck you pronounce that last name.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know why Gwen trusts you, but if she trusts you, we trust you.

I don't know, I never understand him.

I don't know.

I don't know. Alexis grew up watching American action movies.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't understand why you are so stressed.

I don't want to miss any tricks, understand?

I finally understand.

I found you.

I get it.

I got to go, bye.

I have absolutely zero idea what's going on, but thank you.

I have been in this coffee shop for no more than seven minutes.

I hope you don't mind, but the video today...

I just figured that would interest you the most, seeing as you're...

I just really want to get my fucking hands on that fucking safe.

I know this guy.

I know those things because I've been watching you.

I know you stop here between 8:43 and 8:47 every morning,

I love you, Nervous Guy!

I love you.

I mean nobody knows their way around an engine better than me.

I mean, he stole from people who had next to nothing.

I mean, is my company not good enough for her, huh?

I meant it as a compliment from a nerd to another nerd.

I need space to think.

I need to go faster.

I never said one way or another whether I had a boyfriend or not,

I only ask why did you hide this from me?

I really like you a lot.

I said, stop the van! I'm getting out.

I shall attempt to do so,

I shall begin.

I think me and Rolph are becoming very good bros. Yeah.

I think you're the man for the job.

I thought it was, like, the coolest name ever.

I too shall plunge your depths, my love.

I took the firing pin out!

I was told to say [whispers] Götterdämmerung.

I will find you, Gwen!

I will indulge you in the abridged version of the story.

I will, uh, return them to their proper owners.

I would learn that she had a red notice from Interpol since she was 17.

I would like to know all of those things, yes.

I would wait for her.

I... I did it.

I'd do it again, Mr. Delay croix.

I'll come with you, but he goes.

I'll make my way to the pier. I'll get us as close as we can.

I'll tell you what,

I'm a master!

I'm a master. I did it!

I'm Brad. Leader of this, uh, little band of misfits.

I'm coming too.

I'm done!

I'm done.

I'm fine! I'm fine. Okay.

I'm fucking delightful.

I'm going to go back to my stupid job, and that's that, right?

I'm going to lead you through a series of evasive steps, okay?

I'm gone in 50 seconds. Mr. Nicolas Cage, eat your heart out, baby.

I'm gonna catch them.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna kill you!

I'm gonna kill you! I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you little shit!

I'm in.

I'm invincible! [laughing]

I'm just a girl on the street, taking a walk.

I'm just here for a smoke.

I'm not going to spare you the trouble of reading your packets.

I'm not missing my shot.

I'm not missing our shot. If they're inside...

I'm not saying that I trust you because very much, no...

I'm not stressed.

I'm not sure if this is the right address,

I'm saying...

I'm so sorry, Sebastian.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I did not know the secret knock to let you know...

I'm sure.

I'm, uh... [clears throat] I'm sorry.

I've been reconning their systems for months to test their capabilities.

I've worked with Gwen for quite a while and I like her a lot.

If neither competitor finishes, we default to a tie.

If not, you find it for me, okay? You find the Götterdämmerung.

If they caught Sebastian, they haven't announced it yet.

If they move up the time of transfer, we miss our shot.

If they're truly going for the Ring cycle,

If we tell the casino, they might move up the time of transfer.

If you think having those two assholes fuck us over means we are done,

In 96 hours, the owner of the Wagner safes will be transferring them

In a kingdom meant to represent Valhalla.

In helping to rescue survivors stuck in the infected zone.

In his waning years, his greatest work truly began.

In it, the hero Siegfried faces his darkest of trials

In the old days everything was better, far better...

In your face.

Interpol. Anyone hurt?

Interpol. We're here about a possible security risk to your vault.

Is that them?

Is the third in a sequence of safes,

Is this a good freeze or a bad freeze?

It also contains the least amount of money.

It broke my heart thinking of all the adventures we could have had,

It broke my heart.

It just detected my presence.

It served as his tomb and was dropped into the ocean with his body still inside.

It was about a master safecracker and explorer named

It was just about you playing action hero, compromising the team.

It was planned for 5:00.

It wasn't about the myth of the quest for Brad and Rolph.

It wasn't. I improvised.

It will theoretically work, yes.

It will work. We're ready.

It wouldn't matter.

It's a bank for children.

It's a doorway to another realm, my friends.

It's about the quest.

It's four people?

It's just a door. You knock on it.

It's just a little distraction to buy some more time.

It's just training and a lot of practice.

It's me you want. Me and Alexis.

It's not a bank, it's a credit union.

It's not about getting all of it, it's about where we're getting it from.

It's not out yet.

It's over, Gwen.

It's over.

It's pretty cool actually. Almost feels like we're in a spy movie.

It's really how he sees himself.

It's sad that he could not learn to love the name he was born with.

It's so nice to be meeting you and joining the team.

It's the gods' plan, a course of action,

It's the Ring cycle.

It's them or us. It was always them or us.

It's very difficult to heist a casino, so I...

Join us.

Just for the record, I was startin' to like the little man.

Just get in here.

Just one piece of information,

Just tell us how they were gonna escape.

Keep going.

Kindredness. Is that a word?

Known associate of Gwendoline Starr and Alexis Broschini?

Korina found a flyer on a telephone pole for an old lady

Ladies and gentlemen, there's a new kid in town!

Last night, when you informed us of the risk.

Leader... Or so he fancies himself.

Leave!

Leaving the scene of the Paris heist.

Legend has it, if you attempt to crack the locks by force,

Let's check in with one of our correspondents,

Let's get on with it now, shall we?

Let's get on with it, shall we?

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go. Come on.

Let's move! Let's move!

Let's move. Let's move.

Like I do.

Like, I quote, "If, uh, Brad Pitt and Nic Cage

Listen to me, Sebastian. Look around.

Listen to this.

Listen, not to be an asshole, but you did check the GPS, yeah?

Listen. Listen.

Lock four of seven.

Locking it away for good.

Look at the poor guy. They dumped him on the road.

Look...

Looks like they wiped the cameras on the way out.

Lower the gun or I shoot.

Ludwig Dieter.

Ludwig Dieter. Yeah.

Ma'am, please.

Ma'am, you cannot be up here. You have to go back inside.

Managed to catch a member of the team. The safecracker.

May I ask what the hell is going on here?

May I ask, are we doing the bonding right now?

May I ask, you didn't tell me about you and Mr. Brad.

Maybe he's a patsy.

Maybe I'm the villain after all.

Maybe they're just starting to form a meaningful friendship.

Maybe you saw your own death.

Me? Is it me she's talking about?

Might be our missing piece.

Move, move, move.

Move!

Mr. Brad Cage.

Mr. Delacroix,

Mr. Warming Up My Instruments.

Much longer than even Hans spent building the corresponding safes.

My father was a rich asshole,

My fingers are suitably warmed up and ready for the cracking of the safe.

My God, this sounds so stupid. Um...

My grandma taught me that.

My name is Sebastian.

My only chance...

My tears are because I have a cat allergy.

Named Hans Wagner.

Neo,

Never heard of them. Never.

No need to cry.

No sign.

No tips? No problem.

No, I can't.

No, I have not yet cracked the Siegfried.

No, it's okay.

No, it's so that if we get caught in the next ones,

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no. I don't know.

No, you're not being punked or spunked. This is real.

No!

No.

No.

No. They'll do them in sequence.

No. We are not cooperating with the casino.

Nobody ever really appreciated it,

Nobody knows more than you do about Hans Wagner.

Nobody's real name is Brad Cage.

Non.

Not a villain. You're just a dick.

Not an expression.

Not helping.

Not like it is for us.

Not open, just not encrypted enough to stop me.

Not really a way to make friends.

Not the most.

Not throw him into the street like a sacrificial lamb!

Not to go crying out somebody else's sob story, yeah.

Not two, but three international heists, and we drive off into the setting sun?

Nothing can stop me now.

Nothing to worry about.

Nothing, it's just all very exciting! [chuckling] It's, uh...

Now get out of my asshole, Mr. I Don't Want To Make Out.

Now I realize it's pretty much as dorky as my actual name.

Now listen up, young man!

Now listen... [grunts]

Of course I checked the GPS.

Of course you can.

Of course, you and I already acquainted.

Of course.

Of course.

Of infamous billionaire, Bly Tanaka.

Of your own self doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

Of zombies.

Oh, and don't worry about these.

Oh, cool. "Like a spy movie. It's so cool, man."

Oh, fuck this shit.

Oh, fuck! This is the same guy.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, God. Oh, shit. I'm getting dizzy. [sighs]

Oh, Gwen! Oh, God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Um...

Oh, Sebastian, yeah?

Oh, uh, don't worry about it.

Oh, well, maybe not the gun.

Oh, wow, that's very cool.

Oh, you fucking pussy.

Oh, you strange, beautiful strange man!

Oh, you're done? You're done?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. All right.

Oh. Hi.

Oh. Of course. I... I just thought [whispers] because we're criminals now,

Okay, and...

Okay, good.

Okay, guys, 5:00 a.m., we move in then.

Okay, is there any way we could possibly speed up the process?

Okay, report back every two minutes.

Okay, so, what's the plan, ladies?

Okay, so... [clears throat] Um...

Okay, sorry, right turn!

Okay, stay sharp. It has to happen today.

Okay, the man who designed this wonderful work of art,

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. [breathes deeply]

Okay. [sighs]

Okay. Don't fuck this up.

Okay. Go, go, go!

Okay. What do we have here?

Okay. Yes, this has been my video. Thank you for the viewing.

Okay... [clears throat]

Old Joe's looking extra old this morning.

Old Sebastian talking to the most interesting girl in the world.

Once upon a time, in a faraway land called Munich...

One moment, please.

One more step and I shoot.

One thought that I've not been able to cast out of my mind is...

One who got richer from the collapse of the housing market.

One word of advice.

OPEN

Or even understood his genius.

Or he'll blow her brains out?

Or how about when he comes back in, we yell "surprise"?

Or I'll shoot you in your other fucking leg.

Or maybe simply your psyche's manifestations

Or maybe you just had a nightmare about zombies

Or prophecies.

Or they have no time to pull off the third job before the safes are transferred.

Or whether I don't, you're going to leave.

Out of the way!

Over some sandwiches. Let's go. Come on.

Over the last three years, we've assembled from various sources

Pavel, for the last time, you can't drink in here.

People tried to liberate Wagner from the tomb he had built for himself,

Perhaps because we're about to do the robbing of a bank.

Please tell me.

Pleased to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you too.

Pleasure to meet you.

Point a gun in a girl's face and tell her to come back to him

Police!

Prestigious position, Madam Secretary.

Probably should've waited till we were near a town, huh?

Protein in the meat absorbs the alcohol in your body.

Put your gun on the ground.

Puzzles that could only be solved

Ready at a moment's notice to make our getaway.

Ready,

Ready, and crack!

Realistically, I give you about a 5% chance of survival, so good luck.

Really?

Reconning? What does this mean, reconning?

Remember we said we are carrying out the heist in order of difficulty.

Repeat until I can get your asses into the vault, so...

Rheingold...

Richard Wagner's epic opera The Ring of the Nibelung.

Right, Gwen?

Safecracker extraordinaire. Has a lifetime of theoretical expertise.

Said to contain as much as $100 million.

Salat.

Scientifically proven.

Screw the zombies.

Search the town, every hotel, come on, every van, everywhere.

Sebastian is a likable dude.

Sebastian Schlencht... [hesitates]

Sebastian, get out of here.

Sebastian, I am the reason you were there last night.

Sebastian, I'd like you to meet Korina Dominguez.

Sebastian, in front of you are two doors. Take the left.

Sebastian, it's already done.

Sebastian, Korina says they're coming.

Sebastian, meet the team.

Sebastian, the vault elevator behind the locked door ahead of you.

Sebastian, you did it.

See if they'll authorize us moving the vault sooner than planned.

See ya.

Set,

Seventy two trillion combinations.

Shall we go over it once more?

She bypassed the security systems for a major motion picture studio

She does not and helps her instead.

She was the one smiling at me.

She would tell me many things that night. A great many things.

She's beautiful.

She's done cooler things.

She's in charge of logistics and is a master hacker.

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. Left turn!

Should I say something like, um...

Should we just leave and then knock?

Shut the fuck up.

Shut up!

Siegfried dies and Brünnhilde throws herself on his funeral pyre.

Siegfried. Hello, Siegfried.

Sleep on it. You'll find me here.

Slowly.

So he's right.

So I hope this is super important news because I...

So if you want to take me in, he goes,

So please put the gun away. He's in a panic.

So show me why I found you.

So they get more dangerous and more exciting with each subsequent one. Fuck.

So they must have recruited a new safecracker.

So what do we do now?

So why are we spending time on this and not on...

So you want to make out or whatever?

So you're not Korina Dominguez?

So you're saying, in a span of four days, we execute a series of not one,

So you're sure you can crack it while we drive?

So, what? They're onto us?

Some of them decidedly less so.

Some of them happy,

Someone's in our system.

Something people would remember,

Somewhere they wouldn't suspect, couldn't track us.

Sorry, yes.

Sorry?

Sorry. I know they will.

Sorry. Sorry.

Sort of like a more Norse Lord of the Rings.

Stay back!

Still negatory.

Stop!

Strange twice. I'll take it.

Striking out on my own.

Stripping Brünnhilde of her immortality

Such as deception and double cross in love.

Super important information.

T minus eight hours until the safe is moved.

Tell me. What do you want me to do?

Than the one they had chosen for themselves.

Thank you and goodbye.

Thank you for coming here,

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Brad. Korina, please continue.