Army of Darkness (1992) Edit

A black murderer!

A man's body is his own personal property.

A scout approaches!

Ach! Wretched excuse for a man!

Advance, you fiends! Advance!

After that, l'm history. Hyah!

Agh! Hold fast!

Ah, Sheila, don't you get it? lt's over.

Ahahaha!

Ajob.

All right, you primitive screwheads, listen up.

All right!

All right!

All right.

Alley up!

And deliver us from the terrors of the Deadites.

And I'm being dragged to my death.

And it will come here to get it.

And l made this for thee.

And recite the words ''Klaatu verata nikto'',

And then it came for me.

And this evil has befouled my people as well!

And thou wilt lead our people against the evil.

And while my people fight for their very souls against it,

Are all men from the future loudmouthed braggarts?

Arise.

Arrows!

Ash, help me!

At last, the book!

Aye. And fought valiantly.

Backstabber!

Basically.

Battle stations! Get those rocks up, mister! On the double!

Big time.

Blast your bones, you dig 'em all out, you heathens!

Blow.

Blows, blood and death!

Bound in human fIesh and inked in bIood,

Bows!

Bring on the wench!

Buckle up, bonehead, cos you're goin' for a ride.

But l feel... good.

But that didn't stop it. It came back.

But that doesn't mean we're cowards.

But what of the things that we shared? What of the sweet words that you spoke?

But, in my own way,

Buttress the door, now!

By God, let's give 'em what for!

Catapults up!

Catapults.

Charlatan!

CIose as I can figure it, the year is 1 300 AD,

Come get some.

Come on, boy!

Come on, guys.

Come on, men! Move it! Swing them round!

Come on, pick it up. Have a taste of this.

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! l got plenty for everybody!

Come on.

Come to papa.

Company, halt!

Cos l come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee

CouId have even been king.

Coward!

Cripes! l don't belong here.

Cry 'Havoc!' and let loose the dogs of war!

Damn you. Damn you!

Death to the mortals!

Did you say the words right this time?

Die!

Dig faster!

Dig, damn you!

Do you want some more? Huh?

Do you?

Don't let anybody try and take that away from him.

Don't touch me, you foul thing.

Don't you like the pit? lsn't the pit wonderful?

Draw!

Duke of Shale, lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.

Dung eating fool! Thou hast doomed us all!

Even touches me...

Excellent.

Fall back! Man the pa****t!

Fine, fine, fine. Where are they keeping my book?

Fire!

Fire!

Fire!

First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me.

For that arrogance, l shall see you dead.

Forward!

Foul thing!

Funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages.

Geronimo!

Get him!

Get off of me!

Get the fuck outta my face.

Gimme me some sugar, baby.

Gimme some sugar, baby.

Go ahead and run!

Good. l could use a horse blanket.

Groovy.

Hagh! Huh!

Hagh! Huh! Hai! Gagh!

Hagh! Huh! Hai! Gagh!

Hah!

Hai! Gagh!

Hail to the king, baby.

Hail! Hail!

Hail! Hail!

Halt!

He was so busy fillin' me full of his secret little words and his bullshit

He who is prophesied to fall from the heavens

He's brought the Necronomicon! He's brought the book!

Hello.

Henry, you gotta tell him you don't know me.

Hey, get his horse.

Hey, if he says spikes, give him spikes.

Hey, uh... what's that you got on your face?

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey! What's the big idea takin' my...?

Hoist, you damnable varlets!

Hold him!

Hold your arms! You'll hit the girl!

Honey, you got real ugly.

Housewares.

How about some hot chocolate, huh?

How will we fight an army of the dead at our castle walls?

How will you fight that? More words?

How'd you like the taste of that, huh? How'd you like the ta...?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh? How about it?

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Hyah! Come on!

Hyah! Come on!

I am king.

I had a reaI Iife once.

I had a wonderfuI girIfriend Linda.

It seems an archaeoIogist had come to this remote pIace

It took Linda.

It was never meant for the worId of the Iiving.

It wasn't aIways Iike this.

Just me, baby. Just me.

Keep your damn filthy bones outta my mouth.

Kill the mortals!

Klaatu verata nikto.

Klaatu verata nikto.

Klaatu... verata...

Klaatu... verata...

Klaatu... verata... nikto. OK.

L ain't that good.

L am Henry the Red,

L believed thee one of Henry's men.

L can't move!

L didn't have what it took.

L do not think he'll listen, lad.

L don't know how l got here, and... l'm not lookin' for any trouble.

L don't want your book, or your bullshit. Send me back to my own time, pronto...

L got a bone to pick with you.

L got a chance to go back and l'm takin' it.

L know you're scared.

L know your damn words, all right? Now you get this straight, the both of you:

L may be bad,

L need more men.

L never even saw these assholes before.

L possess the Necronomicon. l've crushed your pathetic army.

L prithee to forgive me, my lord.

L said the words. l did!

L say to the pit with him!

L say we stay here and fight it out.

L shall command every worm infested son of a bitch that ever died in battle.

L shall rule and you shall be my queen.

L still believe that thou wilt help us.

L still believe that thou wilt stay and save us. l...

L still have faith in thee.

L thought about staying.

L wanted to say that all of my hopes and prayers go with thee,

L will not allow anything to keep me from possessing that Necronomicon.

L, uh, think it's kinda cute.

L... live...

L'll come back for you!

L'll crush ya! l'll mash you to paste, you bony creeps!

L'll cut your gizzard out.

L'll get back to you.

L'll slice your gizzard open.

L'll spoil those good looks!

L'll stand by ya.

L'll swallow your soul.

L'll... (spIutters)

L'm afraid. l don't want to die!

L'm Bad Ash, and you're Good Ash.

L'm through being their garbage boy. l did my part.

L'm through runnin'!

Lady, l'm afraid l'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store.

Let him go!

Lf it's a fight they're lookin' for, they're gonna get it.

Lf l get that book, you send me back.

Lf the Deadites had the Necronomicon, all mankind would be consumed by this evil.

Like, what am l supposed to do? Take one book, or all books? Or what?

Little Goody Two Shoes. Ha ha!

Little Goody Two Shoes. Little Goody Two Shoes.

Little Goody Two Shoes. Little Goody Two Shoes.

Ln God's name, what hell spawned thing lurks there?

Lnto the pit with those bloodthirsty sons of whores!

Load!

Load. Fire!

Look out!

Lord Arthur, where is my brother? Did he not ride with you?

Lt was definitely an n word.

Lt was more than that.

Lt was you who first turned your swords on us,

Lt's a 1 2 gauge, double barrelled Remington. S Mart's top of the line.

Lt's a trick. Get an axe.

Lt's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger.

Lt's the one in the cart we want. Get him!

Make way.

May God have mercy upon your souls.

Maybe l didn't say every single tiny syllable, but basically l said 'em, yeah.

Maybe l didn't say every tiny little syllable, but basically l said 'em, yeah.

Me?

Most of our people have already fled. We are but 60 men.

Move along. Come on now.

My brother's death shall be avenged!

My God! How do you stop it?!

My lord, an army of the dead gather, and they approach the castle.

My lord, l believe he is the one written of in the Necronomicon.

My lord, we are positioned on both fronts.

My name is Ash, and I am a sIave.

N...

N... (coughs)

Name's Ash.

Necktie.

Nectar.

Nickel.

No! No!

Nobody said anything about three books.

Noodle.

Nope.

Nothin'. Here.

Now get on those horses and get outta here.

Now l swear,

Now l want back, like in the deal. Hyah!

Now l'll have my vengeance!

Now pick up a shovel and get digging!

Now send me back, like in the deal.

Now will thou quest for the book?

Now you see what's what.

Now you're mine! Let's go!

Now, ain't you the sweet little thing?

Now, bring me forth into that castle!

Now, let's talk about how l get back home.

Now... easy now, chief.

Now... who's with me?

Oh, dear God, it's growing bigger!

Oh, God.

Oh, my eyes! l'm blind! Oh, God! l'm blind!

Oh, Susannah, don't you cry for me

Oh, well...

Oh, you cretins! Arrows!

Oh, you little bastards!

OK, little fella!

OK, then.

Once l possess the Necronomicon,

Only he is the Promised One!

Only the Necronomicon has the power, an unholy book which we also require.

Only you, the Promised One, can quest for it.

Onward, valiant cousins! Their ranks are broke!

Ooh, that stinkin' wiseman!

Ooh, that's gotta hurt!

Ooh, you...

Ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh, l'm blind. l'm blind.

Ooh! Ooh, you miserable bags of bones!

Ooh! Wait a minute.

Oops.

Over, over! Now, tilt, tilt, tilt!

Ow! Ow!

Pick yourselves up and sally f...

Protect the book!

Quit your bellyachin'!

Raise the portcullis!

Ram the gates!

Ramming speed!

Ready the catapult!

Remember, you must recite the words exactly.

Retails for about 109.95.

Right.

Rocks!

Run home and cry to mamma!

Sally f...

Say hello to the 21st century! Yeah!

Say hello to the boys.

Say the words.

See this?

Seems fairly obvious.

Shake a leg!

Sheila!

Sheila.

Shop smart, shop S Mart.

Sire, a second division, approaching from the south.

So long.

So when do you think we can start with all the...

So, what's the deal? Can you send me back or not?

Something's wrong. Something's amiss.

Spikes.

Steady now. Whoa.

Steady.

Strange one!

Strange one.

Sure, I couId have stayed in the past.

Sword boy!

Tally ho!

Thank you, generous hosts!

That a passage in there could get rid of this thing and send me back.

That he never said anything about this!

That would be the safest place.

That'll teach ya.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it. Heave ho!

That's right. Shop smart, shop S Mart.

The book awoke something dark in the woods.

The book is mine.

The book still possesses the power to send you back, but to us it is useless.

The book tells us that, once you drink this liquid

The castle is ours!

The evil has a hunger for the Necronomicon,

The Necronomicon, quickly. Did you bring the Necronomicon?

The next one of you primates

The only reason l'm goin' to get the book is to get home.

The Red! The Red! Duke Henry and his men have come!

The wisemen say that thou art the Promised One.

The wisemen shall return you to your own time.

The wisemen were fools to trust in you.

The words. All right, all right, all right.

Then we'll get Henry the Red and his men to fight with us.

There is an evil awakened in this land.

There the Necronomicon awaits.

There, beyond the drawbridge in the second wall.

There! The Promised One! The Promised One's returned!

There's so damn many of 'em.

They offered me the chance to lead them, to teach them, to be king.

They're coming! The Deadites approach!

Thing and the...

Things with molecular structures and...

This ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre buriaI rites,

This path will lead you to an unholy place a cemetery.

This sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

This... is my boomstick!

Thou shalt awaken in thine own time.

Thou shalt soon learn the horrors of the pit.

Three books?

To the castle!

To transIate and study his Iatest find.:

Together we drove to a smaII cabin in the mountains.

Torch boy!

Ugh! Argh!

Um, hardware. Aisle 1 2.

Very well. As we are men of our word, we shall honour our bargain.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

Wait a minute. Hold it.

Wait a minute. You gotta understand, man.

Wanna play rough, eh? OK.

Watch 'em, lads.

We are saved! Ha ha!

We can take these Deadites. We can take 'em!

We could be safe in the mountains.

We got plans for you, girly girl. Move!

We had a deal.

We never met. Tell him!

We shall feast upon your soul!

We shall storm the castle and get my book.

We will hold. We must protect the book.

We'll ram it down the bastards' throat!

We're all scared.

We've won the day. Yeah!

Welcome back to the land of the livin'.

Well, hello, Mr Fancy Pants. l got news for you, pal.

Well, my dear,

Well, repeat them.

Well, that's just what we call pillow talk, baby. That's all.

Well...

Well...

Well...

What are you doing here anyway?

What are you? Are you me?

What? That buffoon? Likely... he's one of Henry's men!

What? What is it?

What's the matter? You raised in a barn? Shut the door.

When do you think we can start with all the ceremony and the...

When thou misspoke the words, the army of the dead awoke.

When thou retrievest the book from its cradle, you must recite:

When you removed the Necronomicon from the cradle, did you speak the words?

Where are you takin' me?

Where the hell...?

Where'd he go? Hey!

Who are you?

Who the hell are you?

Who wants some?

Who wants some? Huh?

Who wants to have a little?

Who wants to know?

Who's next?

Whoa right there, spinach chin.

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoa. Wrong book.

Why, you...

Why, you...!

With science.

Within its pages are passages that can send you back to your time.

Yeah, right, cos that was the deal.

Yeah, that'll teach ya.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Great, great.

Yes!

You ain't leadin' but two things right now jack and shit. And jack left town.

You can count on my steel.

You can find this in the sporting goods department.

You found me beautiful once.

You got that?

You know that story about how you could have been king?

You know, cos... sooner's always better than later, right?

You know, like...

You know, your shoelace is untied.

You lousy little...

You men, you've got something to look forward to when you get to the castle.

You people seek cover. To the pa****t!

You said that you could clean this up with that book,

You shall die!

You shall never take the Necronomicon.

You sound like a jerk!

You want a little?

You want some more?

You would leave me?

You, Henry the Red, wage war on us.

You, there! Handsomely, now!

You.

You'll die in the graveyard before you get it.

You're going down.

You're Goody Little Two Shoes.

You're pissin' me off, you ugly son of a bitch!

Your people are no better than the foul corruption

Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and...

(cackIes) We can't hold the battlements!

(guard) Shut your bleedin' hole! (heraId) Noble gentlemen, Lord Arthur!

(man #1 ) l knew he couldn't be trusted. (man #2) l trusted him!

(man) l'll offer up my courage. My sword's by your side.

(screeching) (man) Look out!

(skeIeton) Hey, you're mine, sweetie! Get off of her!

(spIutters) See how that works?

Again! l got it! l got it!

Arthur. Well won, my friend.

But the men are afraid! Has Henry not answered our scout?

Come now! Come! C'mon, fellas, push! Heave ho.

Excuse me. Come on!

Forward! (soIdier) Forward!

Halt! Company, halt!

How far from here? But two days' ride.

l'm goin' up. l'm comin' for ya.

l'm with you! l'll be the backbone to your will, sir.

Let's go. (screams)

Looking glass. Aye, sire.

lt has been foretold. They'll take our souls.

My lord! Stay with the book!

Ready. Aim.

Retreat! Retreat! Let's get the hell out of here!

that lies in the bowels of that pit. (viIIager) Right! You're no better!

These winged ones are only the first. Perhaps we should leave.

They don't look so clever now. He's frightened!

To the castle. (aII shout) The castle!

To the pit! You miserable bastard!

Uh huh. But my place is here.

Watch out! Make way!

Who rules? You, my lord.

Why are you doin' this? You wanna know? The answer's easy.

Yeah. lt's just that... Just what?

Yeah... basically. Did you speak the exact words?

Your hand, man! Hey, Henry. You had us goin'.

''Necronomicon ex Mortis'',

''The Book of the Dead''.

''What are you? Are you me?''

'Tis said that thou wilt journey for the book to help us

(aII shout) Hail! Hail!

(aII) Yeah!

(Arthur) Damn you!

(Arthur) Quickly, you worthless fools! They'll be on us anon!

(Arthur) We're brothers, men. A new kingdom shall be born!

(Ash) That one.

(birds tweet)

(both scream)

(crowd shouts abuse)

(distant rumbIe)

(distant scream)

(eerie breathing)

(gags and coughs)

(growIs of anticipation)

(guard) He's escaping!

(guard) Kneel, rapscallion!

(guard) Pick up your feet. Stop draggin' your feet. Come on.

(Henry) For king and castle!

(honking)

(man) Get that yoke off him.

(man) What are you waiting for?

(man) You, sir, are not one of my vassals.

(mutters) Probably was raised in a barn, with all the other primitives.

(mutters) Probably was raised in a barn, with all the other primitives.

(PA) Ash to price check four.

(sentry) Lord Arthur! Lord Arthur approaches!

(singsong) Goody Little Two Shoes. Goody Little Two Shoes.

(sIurred) l'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy.

(skeIeton) The book will be ours!

(skeIeton) There's a sight for sore bones.

(soIdier) Company, halt!

(soIdier) lf it's a fight you want...

(soIdier) Lord Arthur approaches. Raise the portcullis!

(soIdier) The moment of truth is almost here. You men better not fail me now.

(soIdier) Welcome home!

(soIdier) What a piece of armour this is!

(viIIager) He trembles!

(viIIager) He trembles!