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Four Christmases (2008) Four Christmases is a hilarious comedy film released in 2008. The story revolves around Brad and

Four Christmases (2008)

Four Christmases is a hilarious comedy film released in 2008. The story revolves around Brad and Kate, played by Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, a couple who dread spending Christmas with their families. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, they find themselves having to visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas Day. Chaos ensues as they encounter eccentric relatives, crazy situations, and learn valuable lessons along the way. Want to relive the laughter? You can play and download the sounds from Four Christmases right here!

A cock fighting but with dudes.
A flashlight?
A matching, Dora thermos, a big girl necklace...
A pound a month.
A verbal gift giving of sorts.
About anything you want to talk about.
Actually, can I have it back because...
Actually, I don't need you to get my gas money.
Ain't it nice to have everybody home for the holidays?
All flights have been grounded...
All I'm saying to you is, it's not fun when the shoes on the other foot, right.
All right, I'll let you know where I'm at.
All right, I'll tell her. I love you too. Bye.
All right, well.
All right?
All seven of them.
All the kids pretended that, Kate had cooties...
All the rest tends to work itself out.
All three on the roof.
Alright, the thing I'm not allowed to wear to, supercross.
Also, they're like little walking tax shelters.
Amen!
Amen.
And always great to see you, big guy.
And came home from the bar last, thursday.
And demand that they respect you. You know what I'm saying?
And get us, McDonald's as desert?
And give me a hug, you big, fat, purple teddy bear.
And I could say it, because, I don't have it.
And I did some of the cooking too, I even
And I don't even know your real name. doesn't that strike you as a little bit odd?
And I gotta keep bouncing him.
And I love her. Marriage kind of brings pressure...
And I think he was too.
And I think you're taking it out on me.
And I thought, for just a second. I felt...
And I was passed out and I say,
And I, Joseph, shall swaddle this baby!
And I, Joseph, will protect this child.
And I'll tell you, honey. I would give anything...
And I'm not leaving without one!
And I've been honest the whole time.
And if we do have them, then, you know...
And If you don't want to change them with me, I understand.
And if you say any of the taboo words...
And Joseph and Mary, went up from, Galilee...
And lacrosse coming at you all day. But if you go to a public school
And Mary wrapped the baby in swaddling clothes...
And Mary wrapped the baby in swaddling clothes...
And now...
And obligation, and I don't wanna live like that anymore.
And out of the city of, Nazareth.
And peace on earth to the highest point on earth!
And placed him in a manger.
And placed him in a manger.
And princess shoes!
And quite frankly with you, Kate, I think I...
And salt in the saltshakers.
And set some healthy boundaries...
And several divorces to learn that
And she wanted to see herself having a family with me
And spray with disinfectant to get off the cooties.
And that is a scheduled, C section that goes routinely
And that is the gift of being pregnant.
And that person's you.
And that's granddad
And that's uncomfortable too.
And that's why, there's this thing here so that I can't see what it is.
And the hotel rooms aren't transferable.
And the scuba diving there's gonna be totally different.
And then there was, umm...
And then they upload the footage to, YouTube.
And there was a... a vacuum.
And this is, Courtney's husband, Jim.
And to, Pastor Phil.
And you have really strong concrete ideas about not having any.
And you must be, Brad.
Apparently it's not going to cost you. We're paying for the services.
Are we ready to see the result...
Are you gonna actually eat while you play that?
Are you having this conversation with me, because you're comfortable having this conversation with me?
Are you joking me? These are the only clothes we have in the entire house?
Are you kidding me? Most days I'm lucky to get...
As quickly and as painlessly as possible.
At my mom's house. It was in my sister's bag...
Attention, San Francisco passengers.
Auntie Kate needs her marker back, okay?
Auntie, Kate will you please hold him whilst I..?
Auntie, Kate! Auntie, Kate!
Baby, baby Jesus is really kind of cute.
Baby, I know what you want to talk to me, about me.
Baby, listen to me, please.
Baby!
Baby.
Beacause that was weird.
Because I'm starting to get like really nervous.
Because on paper you've done everything right.
Because she gives so much, it's not like you're getting a lot back.
Because she was...
Because the tickets are already paid for
Because there was no room in the inn, they stayed in the stable.
Because there's nothing more important than family.
Because you ate your twin sister, and you took all of her powers.
Because you can write a lot of stuff off.
Before you try to help out a child or an unfit adult next to you.
Bending the truth to avoid my family.
Besides, that's not the things that we want in life.
Between the huffs, and the signals and stuff
Bitch, I'm talking to you!
Blah, blah, blah.
Brad be, Joseph.
Brad, I can't. You're wearing the swaddle around your belt!
Brad, I realized it today.
Brad, I'm gonna go see your dad and your brothers right now.
Brad, let me just let you know the truth. They're intimidated by you.
Brad, that was...!
Brad, this is very important. I wanna have this conversation.
Brad, we're going in. Let's go.
Brad, why don't you buzz your mom...
Brad, why don't you go next?
Brad, you're wearing the swaddle cloth on your belt.
Brad! Mistletoe!
Brad.
Brad.
Brad...
Bring it home, soldier boy.
Bring it!
But don't you ever feel guilty?
But here's this beautiful thing here. You know what I mean?
But I just...
But I just... I kinda want to talk about this now.
But I'd like for us to do somethings together.
But if there's two, you don't feel bad they got someone to play with.
But not angry. Inspired.
But now I gotta take it from you too?
But now we can live with them.
But now you're sleeping with my mom and it's a little bit weird for me
But the thing is when you're playing a board game...
But to somebody you're sharing your life with,
But unfortunately, that's not what I'm looking for.
But we should talk about it, because these things do happen.
But we'll probably end up sleeping...
But what I can do is get you set up for standby...
But you can't say any of the words listed beneath.
But you're twice their size.
But your also far enough that you got a small town field.
But, Bradford was the more sensitive type.
But, can you deliver the goodies?
But, honey, I do feel comfortable now
But, If it's all the same to everybody
But, it doesn't mean kids.
But, Kate sent all the gifts and stuff to you.
By being forced to being around our families today
By rhe way this is exactly why I was afraid if we came here.
By the way, my father's house can get particularly uncomfortable.
By the way, what did you say to your dad?
By your volunteering to be, Mary.
Bye bye.
Call me, Marilyn and get over here...
Can I ask you a question seriously?
Can we take it down a notch, please?
Can you appreciate that?
Can you leave it alone. You can't be my friend anymore.
Can't say game!
Can't think of what we don't do together.
Cancel it. We install things ourselves in this house.
Certainly hasn't missed many meals.
Check it out, baby. They're digging my walk.
Check that out!
Cheryl made the dressing I like so much
Clean yourself up a little, this is a nice church.
Cody, come on.
Come and get it! Sucker!
Come in!
Come on in and relax.
Come on, can I go in?
Come on, let's do this. I'm excited.
Come on, Mary!
Come on, you can't break her.
Come on!
Come play, war with me!
Come see the cool stuff grandpa, Creighton got me!
Coming in?
Congratulations, McVie family
Connecticut.
Connor, go get us some beers, man.
Cootie Kate.
Could you hold her? I need to bake another thing.
Could you not say tits, please?
Courtney, what would you give?
Courtney.
Courtney.
Cradle robber.
Creating all these boundaries you know, and making sure that
Dad and Mom in the same room?
Dad, can you check on, Jackson?
Dad, how does it feel?
Dad, I think you gonna want a professional to handle this.
Dad, she was a cashier, that's not really a career.
Dad...!
Daphne, please.
Daphne.
Daphne. That's a really beautiful name.
Denver and Dallas were more comfortable with, Howard.
Denver and Susan are watching TV.
Did she just say that?
Did you break anything?
Did you get me some sort of cheap old satellite?
Did, Brad leave to get a jumpstart
Different. You know? I felt hopeful.
Dig in there, tear it up.
Do I pick it up or not?
Do not throw rocks when you live in the house of, Joe.
Do you feel like we've been on this vacation before?
Do you have something to say about my wife's cheese?
Do you send them to private school? Because then you got sweater vests
Doesn't mean I need me a fancy pants lawyer son...
Don't compare your situation.
Don't make me come and get you.
Don't most women want to have a natural birth?
Don't wanna be blindsided again.
Don't worry about it. You're a therapist, keep going.
Don't worry, he always comes back.
Don't!
Enough! This child's life is now in jeopardy.
Even worse!
Everybody would call me when I went to the bar and say
Everyone called her, Joe. She was, Kate's only friend.
Everyone needs to put on your oxygen mask.
Exactly. Promise me that no matter what happens today...
Except I didn't have some kind, older, soft spoken black man...
Fiji?
For foster kids.
For she knows not what she's done!
For the record, I do forgive you.
Get him some water.
Get it!
Get it!
Get your hands off me, right now.
Give it to me!
Give it to me.
Give me a hand.
Give me back my baby!
Glory to the new born King!
Glory to, god!
Go!
Good to see you.
Google me, bitch!
Google me. You might wanna look me up sometime, Barbara!
Gosh, wasn't it so hard to find gifts...
Gotta go and do some man's work.
Gram gram, would you like to go next?
Grandma's boyfriend plays with me whenever I want.
Great, dude. Mock me for being educated. That's awesome.
Great.
Guys can we try to stay positive here?
Guys there's other people on this table, uncomfortable.
Haircuts don't lie. What did you do with Joe...
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Kate, you stand up!
Hallelujah! The cure of the world!
Hallelujah! The cure of the world!
Happy New Year, Bay Area!
Have you ever listened to the words of a wedding ceremony?
Having kids with me.
He doesn't have a job yet but they're working on it.
He knows I slept with the entire water polo team.
He's tall.
Hello. There's a new born King. Hallelujah!
Helping orphans in, Somalia.
Helping, Chinese kids capture lobsters.
Here we go.
Hey listen, I can't get up, Jackson is very gassy...
Hey listen. If one of these houses gets a little too intense...
Hey, big city, come to open up some presents!
Hey, Dad.
Hey, Dad.
Hey, guys!
Hey, how was traffic getting out here, huh?
Hey, it's good to have my friend back.
Hey, look it. This is, christmas and we're not gonna go there.
Hey,hey!
Hey! Okay!
Hey.
Hi, auntie Kate.
Hi, Auntie, Kate. Where's, Brad?
Hi, I'm, Cheryl. I'm your dad's girlfriend.
Hi, Kasi. Merry christmas.
Hi, mom.
Hi, nice to meet you.
Hi.
Hi.
Hold on, angel crossing! Angel crossing!
Honest about who you are, what you need...
Honey, I don't wanna fight either.
Honey, I want you to feel comfortable to talk to me
Honey, my childhood was just like the, Shawshank Redemption.
Honey, Pastor Phil needs you.
Honey?
Hot or cold what? What the hell does that mean, hot or cold?
How about an airline that your airline's filled out before?
How about now, is it better now?
How about now?
How can you really appreciate someone for who they are...
How could you lie to us, Daddy?
How do you calm down of a such a high?
How in the hell did you find an X Box for under 10 dollars?
How long until she warms up to me?
How much is this gift gonna cost me a month?
How to play the game, you obviously don't understand
How was I supposed to know you hadn't told him?
How's that even possible?
Hump it! Hump it!
I always said you were the smart one, Lando.
I am so glad you came.
I am so proud of you.
I came here for a marker...
I can hardly feel mine anymore.
I can make it work! Hold on!
I can not believe you didn't tell me your real name.
I can not believe you told him about Cootie Kate.
I can't believe I nailed that baby's head.
I can't believe my family is showing you all the pictures of my childhood.
I can't believe you came.
I can't believe you threw me down...
I can't do this.
I could increase the frequency with which...
I did feel like an air traffic controller.
I did get it to stop crying there for a second.
I did it!
I did it.
I did not pull the goalie. That's not what this conversation is about.
I didn't know there was a 10 dollar spending cap.
I didn't mean to do all of that, I was actuall just trying to...
I didn't want to have kids and I took this test,
I don't even know what happened, I can't even remember the procedure
I don't have an attitude. I've shut down.
I don't think I wanna know either.
I don't understand.
I don't want a conversation about it
I don't want a fancy satellite. I don't want any kind of satellite.
I don't want to fight.
I don't want to have this conversation. I don't wanna have it.
I don't want to speak ill of your mother on, christmas.
I don't want you to apologize for it because, love...
I fed her, I put a roof over her head and I never lied to her face.
I feel like that's okay. I wanna be in a relationship...
I feel the same way that I did when we first met,
I follow, gram, gram with that...
I forgot my line.
I get it.
I got a, Dora the Explorer backpack...
I got some in my mouth!
I gotta take everything to the next level.
I hate those cheap buildings.
I have a feeling that your gift from, Santas
I have a great idea! Internet dating.
I have been present. I've been here all day.
I haven't seen that move in a while.
I heard it fills up really quick.
I helped you come up with this, when you were drunk...
I just came by to see you.
I just can't do this anymore.
I just don't want to be like, responsible for this kid...
I just gotta adjust it. How about now?
I just said I wouldn't.
I just said I wouldn't.
I just want something different for us.
I just...
I kind of feel like a Saudi prince in here.
I know exactly what this means.
I know how, Celine Dion feels after one of those shows,
I know I've found the one person in life
I know that comes with its own challenges for 9 months...
I know what I'm doing. I don't need any lock nut.
I know you didn't say it. But you don't have any.
I like flowers.
I like those glasses, that was a nice touch.
I like to think that we're keeping it special for us
I love my rabbit ears!
I love you.
I love you. I'll see you in a little bit.
I mean, once they become a certain age, we're not gonna have them on the lawnmower.
I mean, they give you love, unconditionally.
I never had a sexual thought about your mom until I was 30.
I never said, I was too cool for kids.
I picked up a pair of those noise canceling headphones, you wanted.
I played a tree because I had a bad stage fright, do you remember this?
I put the ice cubes in the glasses
I really don't want to get into this.
I really need to talk to you for a sec.
I should probably check us in online, after this.
I spoiled her, that's what I did.
I think having this conversation because in my heart
I think it kind of liked me.
I thought for sure, I'd always known that
I told my dad that of course we'll be going over there.
I took a pregnancy test today.
I took a pregnancy test today.
I wanna go to, Fiji.
I wanna talk to you about something.
I want a man whose hand doesn't shake...
I want to do it too!
I want us to be open, to love each other...
I was honest...
I was in Cancun, and I was wearing this bikini top, I'd lost all this weight...
I was in the bathroom, and I'd been a couple of days late
I was thinking about the entire show.
I wish I would've called you sooner.
I would like to give more of myself to my church...
I would like to know that were gonna put mine on before you put your own. You know?
I would think that you and, Brad...
I would too.
I wouldn't and the, FAA wouldn't want me to do it either.
I'd also like to give myself another gift.
I'd like to umm...
I'd rather be like stuck on an island...
I'd really just rather not talk about it.
I'll be damned. I'll be damned.
I'll be your nice uncle...
I'll do the buzzer.
I'll fix myself here. There we go.
I'll get sick. I can't be here.
I'll see you top side in five.
I'll start missing flights more often.
I'm a grown man with hair on my chest, right?
I'm a... Who isn't, right? You're close enough to the city...
I'm explaining the game.
I'm fine.
I'm from, North Dakota and this is how we handle our business...
I'm giving examples. I have a thing here.
I'm gonna take a minute and just.
I'm just hoping for a chance to be your friend.
I'm just looking out for you on this one. I want you to be cool.
I'm nervous. I can't feel my legs. Please don't do this to me.
I'm nervous. I can't feel my legs. Please don't do this to me.
I'm not a kid, you can't talk to me like that anymore.
I'm not gonna go and in there and pretend
I'm not gonna tell you.
I'm not over reacting, Brad. I get it.
I'm not staged trained. I never played Pippin.
I'm so excited to have you all here to play this game together.
I'm sorry, gram, gram, but that's my belt. That's attached to me.
I'm sorry, sir. I don't make the fog, I deal with it.
I'm sure this is a good gift too. Okay?
I'm sure you don't have cooties now.
I'm the one changing the rules.
I'm vacationing in tropical Albany this year...
I'm waiting to see if it's positive or negative
I'm, Brad.
I'm, Courtney.
I'm, Denver that's, Dallas. And this is, Orlando.
I've been given a note.
I've fixed all of your favorite dishes, Bradford.
I've gotta save my line, we're losing the audience.
I've never seen her play with my kids before.
If this house gets too uncomfortable for you.
If we'd met in college, our relationship, probably would've developed between us.
If we're on a plane, and it was going down.
If you get one, you might as well get two 'cause they're like dogs.
If you leave one by itself, at home, you're never gonna leave.
If you need to get out of here, you let me know where your comfort zone is.
If you think I'll allow a sex predator...
If you wanna say Mistletoe because it's too heavy for you, I get it.
If you want to pay, for the stuff, you pay for it.
In front of the entire congregation.
In my wildest imagination.
In the 5th grade, bunch of kids trapped Kate inside the jump jump.
In the, Yucatan?
Instead of making me take laps around the anxiety pool.
It doesn't bother me if you were a really abnormally large child...
It is so nice to meet you, young lady.
It just kind of all happened. But, god.
It just sucks that we're not able to be there with you and the entire family.
It just wasn't what I wanted to hear.
It must be really nice for, Kasi.
It says I can't say shish!
It sounds like a name of a flower.
It was a 10 dollar spending cap.
It'd appear that my wife is better at...
It'd appear that my wife is better at...
It's a really disgusting...
It's a satellite, you gotta point it up at the satellite.
It's a whole new thing.
It's about the dangers of procreating.
It's awesome, baby. You're so awesome.
It's been so long.
It's brown.
It's deadlier out there.
It's different water different fish.
It's difficult to do that.
It's fun.
It's gonna be really good. I'm excited.
It's gonna be so much fun.
It's got the triple core processor, wireless controllers the whole deal.
It's great.
It's great.
It's just crazy to me. We've been together for 3 years now
It's kebab.
It's me. It's me. Are you okay?
It's not a satellite, genius! It's a satellite dish!
It's not like you ever come around. You haven't been here in like... Forever.
It's not something I want to get into right now.
It's okay sweetie, just do the next card.
It's okay, sweetie.
It's really nice for everyone.
It's such a great cause, but honestly...
It's taken me a lot of years
It's the same, loud for everybody.
It's too much.
It's, christmas, right, don't you have to?
It's, christmas. Let's keep the momentum going here.
Jackson...
Jim and I know everything there is to know about each other.
Just because I drive a combine for a living...
Just give her a chance to warm up to you.
Just give me the marker. Okay?
Just give me the marker. Okay?
Just inseparable.
Just lift up his diaper and see if he made one.
Just like I know he experimented with men.
Just remember, acting is reacting.
Just wanted to let you and our little new year's baby know
Kasi, please come out of there!
Kasi, why don't you go tell grandpa thanks...
Kasi!
Kasi!
Kasi.
Kasi.
Kate always hated the jump jump.
Kate has been kind enough to send us some games.
Kate will play the, Virgin Mary.
Kate, are you crazy? Did you just commit us to go?
Kate, could you be a lamb and explain the rules?
Kate, I don't have time for this. I don't wanna be late for, Pastor Phil.
Kate, I that you're upset with your family...
Kate, these are my brothers: Denver and Dallas.
Kate, they are trained, UFC fighters.
Kate, what can I get you to drink?
Keep away!
Keep away! Keep away!
Last I heard, Joe coaches women's wrestling.
Let me apologize for them.
Let that be a lesson to you kids...
Let's do it.
Let's get these off, of you.
Let's go in.
Let's go inside, have a drink. Just the two of us.
Let's go say hello to those lucky parents!
Let's keep it moving.
Let's open the presents...
Let's sit here and catch up for a minute.
Let's test it out.
Let's... Let's celebrate.
Like a transformer.
Like building houses in third world countries.
Like getting fat and having people stare at you funny
Like maybe it would just happen and
Like one person comes out, one person doesn't.
Like play baseball and ride motorcycles?
Like that thing you see on the pay per view.
Like you would tell, Jim you're Cootie, Courtney.
Like: I promise to obey. Or Till death do us part.
Listen to me, Brad. I'm going to really need you to look out for me up there.
Listen, If there's one thing we've learned
Listen. Actually I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner.
Look at the joy you've brought to this congregation, Kate...
Look, I'm sorry about that, Dad.
Look...
Looks like someone's trying to show off how much money he makes.
Making babies than swaddling them, no? Yes?
Maybe at first, but the nipples get tough.
Maybe later, grandpa is busy.
Maybe you should hold the baby.
Me and you dry humping on the beach.
Means never having to say that your, sorry. You know what I mean?
Merry christmas again!
Merry christmas, Kate. Come on in.
Merry christmas, mom.
Merry Christmas, tiny. Good to see you.
Merry christmas.
Mistletoe!
Mistletoe!
Mistletoe.
Mom, I'm not the one saying the things!
Mom, the answer's been said. She said the answer.
Mom.
More serious with me. She said that
More than anything, this scares me to my core.
Mrs. Kincaid.
My brother thinks his daughter, the four year old...
My dad, your mom. My mom, your dad.
My Dad's a unique specific animal. Your mother's not.
My given name is, Orlando. But I changed it to, Brad.
My god, he breastfed until he was five.
My man's skirt, is it short or is it okay?
My mother makes me crazy every time I talk to her.
My name is, Kent. What's your name?
My stuff fell out.
My wife is pregnant, but it's not my child.
No flights are coming in and no flights are going out...
No one ever told me there's gonna be lines...
No, actually... Okay.
No, after that.
No, I didn't forget anything.
No, I won't get in front of a bunch of strangers.
No, it's not a cheap old satellite.
No, it's not a little bit odd. I hated my name, so I changed it.
No, it's worse. It's still crappy.
No, not really.
No, Santa is dad. Dad is...
No, you boys could get hurt.
No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't let them walk over you either.
No! Dad!
No.
No. I wasn't Pippin, I was in Pippin.
No. In fact, she said she wanted to get
Nobody loves me!
None that you can see.
Not because we have to, you know?.
Not if you tell them you're doing charity work.
Not long at all.
Not long. I don't remember, but it wasn't long.
Not much. Do you need to use the bathroom?
Not that we're planning on it. We're just talking about it, because these things happens.
Nothing really beats being honest.
Now I'm passed out. Now I'm not living I won't help anybody.
Obviously I know that it's not a flower, but it sounds like it could be.
Of course. So, you try to get your team mate...
Of that immaculate conception?
Of, Mary and Joseph for the last three years...
Oh by the way I made a couple's massage reservation for this weekend.
Oh I forgot you're too cool for kids. It cramps your independence.
Oh my, god, honey. I am so sorry that you had to see that.
Oh my, god! Do you know what happens to your nipples after your breast feed?
Oh rub a pon pon, Brad, you stand up!
Oh, boy.
Oh, Conner honey don't eat those brownies.
Oh, here comes...
Oh, Kate uh...
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. There's so many different ways to play this thing.
Oh, oh goodness.
Oh, okay.
Ohh, wax!
Okay but your real name isn't asshole. It's like your middle name.
Okay here's, Jesus.
Okay it was called, Get fit camp.
Okay let's light a fire. Let's light a fire.
Okay let's not over react to this situation here.
Okay make this stop, please.
Okay, Daphne...
Okay, find your truth. I'll blow the roof of this bitch.
Okay, gentlemen.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, honey, you can say, like, look or...
Okay, I got lines. I gotta try to get my voice ready.
Okay, I see your point.
Okay, I'll go first.
Okay, I'm coming up.
Okay, in high school, my senior year spring break...
Okay, listen.
Okay, look. I'm really, really sorry.
Okay, Mom, I can say shush.
Okay, okay. Honestly, I think it's my fault.
Okay, so this is something that you would eat...
Okay, that's great. Nicely said.
Okay, this is a town in, France.
Okay, this is like an animal attack video.
Okay, we're all set!
Okay, you know what...?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. And I'd like the relationship to go to, Fiji.
Okay. Daphne, if I could just...
Okay. Hi, Bernard.
Okay. I got your back. Gotcha.
Okay. On your mark, get set, go!
Okay. Sounds good.
On having the first baby of the, new year!
On inoculating babies in, Burma?
On your mark, get set, go!
Or are you just having this conversation, because you wanna go to, Fiji?
Or are you too busy moving your, BlackBerry and having them tell you to shut it off?
Or do I still need a volunteer?
Or having kids right away. just means that we're open
Or I will take you to your knees in front of this entire bar.
Or maybe if you came home you'd know crap like that.
Or maybe if you came home you'd know crap like that.
Or weaving ponchos for pregnant women
Orlando, you're closest to the tree, you distribute.
Orlando?
Orlando?
Our families can be a little much sometimes.
Our time's up.
Pastor Phil has encouraged us to dispense...
Peek a boo.
Peek a boo.
Please sweetheat, do not feel embarrassed if you feel the need...
Praise Him! Hallelujah!
Praise Him! Praise Him! Talk to Him, lady!
Probably going to ring around 10 dollars too.
Promise?
Pull the damn thing!
Put it, in it.
Really?
Really? I'm a big fan of, Connecticut.
Red leather. Yellow leather. Red leather. Yellow webber.
Relax, Brad. It was negative. I'm not pregnant.
Right, right.
Right, so why wouldn't you wanna get married?
Right.
Right.
Save it, Kent. I'm not looking for a BFF.
Say that again and I'm gonna bust your mouth open.
Seven years. Until 6th.
She buzzes me, I'm trying to explain to you...
She finally smelled the pathetic on you, did she?
She likes you fine.
She looks like, Shaq.
She made it!
She never wanted me to burn, so she would rub it...
She stopped crying.
She's a great lover.
She's bad and she sucks.
She's not walking or taking care of herself by now?
She's not with me.
She's nothing but a common street whore.
She's outside in the jump jump with the rest of the neighbourhood kids.
She's was a lot naughty, but in the fun way.
Shish. Shish. Shish.
Shit, that feels good.
Should I do it maybe like, This child's a blessing for the both of us.
Shut it, soldier boy!
Shut up, and let me work!
Sir, excuse me.
Smelling them, stuff like that. Sending them to people, it's good.
So I just thought I should probably take a test.
So it's like, this doesn't mean we're getting married
So when's the big day?
So, I guess you knew we were lying?
So, Orlando can get to his other, christmases alright.
So, this is where you live?
So, what about children? You do want to make them, no?
So, who wants to go first?
So, why do you take the dance classes?
So...
Someone's got to give a performance.
Son of a bitch.
Sorry, I know that you major...
Sorry, merry christmas to you. It's a great sweater.
Sorry, we won't talk about him.
Sounds like a prison sentence.
Sounds like you and mom really turned a corner there.
Spray cheese from the famous family of aerosol cheeses.
Stop it!
Stop!
Stop!
Stop. Oh, God.
Stopped spending time with her. You completly shut her out of your life.
Stretching and the juices.
Susan, next door, did it and she found her husband that way.
Sweetheart you never told me you went to a fat camp.
Sweetheart, I gotta get ready.
Sweetheart, I really don't want to get into this right now.
Sweetheart, I'm not going to make you go into the house by yourself.
Sweetheart, you don't have to say the answer.
Take appraisal of the damage you've done.
Take her before it explodes.
Take it away from me. I'm sorry. I love you.
Take the damn thing down. I can do better with my rabbit ears.
Teaching english as a second language in, Puerto Rico.
Terrific. You got so many more channels and viewing options.
Thank goodness I memorize yours too.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you. I actually make a lot more than you do.
Thanks.
Thanks.
That goes where it needs to go.
That is lovely, Brad.
That is my special magic marker.
That makes sense?
That marker in your mouth, I peed on it!
That sounds like a really cool thing, and to each their own.
That sounds like it could be really hurtful. How long did that go along for?
That was a long time ago.
That was fun.
That we're getting married right away
That would fall in the category of a job, and she left you because you wouldn't talk to her.
That you're possibly affiliated with? Like a sister airline that we can transfer to?
That you're welcome to start bringing in family members now.
That's a lot of presents you sent there, boy.
That's a satellite dish, Howard.
That's awesome.
That's it?
That's Merry Christmas in Burmese.
That's my boy.
That's my brother's kid. You couldn't have possibly blown it's, IQ. It's fine.
That's not a satellite, it's a satellite dish.
That's not gonna bring back Santa. That's not...
That's not helping, Brad, okay. Is there another airline...
That's okay. I have a set of my own. So I'm just gonna pass.
That's perfect, that's a great school.
That's right!
That's the message of, christmas.
That's very funny. Go ahead and take a shot at me.
That's, Josephine.
That's... uncomfortable.
The best ways to play the game and I'm shutting down.
The biggest one is for you, Howard.
The changes we've all been through
The FAA has ruled that the, Bay area fog is simply too thick.
The first gift is to, Connor.
The installation guy comes on Tuesday, he's gonna install it for you.
The little hurts we've given each other
The next gift is to, Cody and this is from your dad.
The one in the canarian hanging on your belt is, gram, gram.
The only man I'm allowed to cheat on you with.
The only one who was on my tits more...
The other big thing to think about is, school.
The picture's all fuzzy.
The scuba diving, we did that in Bali and Costa Rica.
The spray cheese! The spray cheese!
The, Walshes who performed the role...
There is a Santa Claus.
There was a 10 dollar spending cap.
There's a jump jump?
There's a reason that they use the expression:
There's gonna be certain boundaries that are gonna exist between us.
There's no, Santa Claus.
These boundaries are not to be crossed.
They do a nice job of complementing your...
They do now.
They don't use a doll?
They got us a cot, which is awesome.
They hated each other.
They have lovely accommodations, it's right next to the airport.
They know pressure points on people.
They know there's no, Santa Claus, right?
They mostly just brawl in people's backyards...
They tortured her for about an hour.
They're not sure, whether or not if it'll be today.
They're semi professional cage fighters.
They've been my family for years.
Thing next to your bed on the night stand.
This child is a blessing to the both of us.
This game is so easy.
This is a good baby.
This is actually ruining our Christmas.
This is amazing.
This is different.
This is gorgeous.
This is isn't us, it's them. We're letting them in.
This is me, I'm a...
This is not a joke, this is not game.
This is not about my family, this is about you and me.
This is the den. Well, everyone's in here.
This is the thing, I'm most scared of in the whole world.
This is what our families do, you know that? This is what happens.
This is what you dripped on me?
This is where you live too, honey. Come on.
This is, Kate.
This thing isn't big enough to swaddle him.
Those are grandmothers special brownies.
Those are really beautiful earrings, by the way.
Time.
To be honest, I think they'd be shocked to even hear that, Kate was even pregnant.
To have that time back again.
To her mother. I gotta take a grumpy.
To let love grow where it wants to grow.
To perform the roles of, Mary and Joseph.
To pull the rip cord early, say, Mistletoe...
To put this group of people together...
To say the word on the top of the card...
To share my struggle with.
Tomorrow's not going to be great for us.
Toothpaste and all.
Top shelf for you, pal.
Try again.
Try again.
Try it.
Tying the knot or Ball and chain.
Uncle Brad and his special friend Kate, maybe...
Under the 10 dollar cap this year?
Unfit mother, give me this baby.
Unfortunately, I've had a lot of experience
Unless there's like, you know a play off's game or something like that.
Unless you're too weird with it, then we're out.
Until at least tomorrow morning.
Until you really know them?
Vacationing more frequently and doing it with, Kate.
Wait a minute. Hold on. You told me... Who's that?
Wait a minute. Kate went to a fat camp?
Wait.
Wait. There's really no presents.
Was a professor that I dated after his father.
Way sticky dude, I would not recommend that.
We also got beer moses in the back.
We are gonna play them and we're gonna have fun. Okay?
We are here live at Pacific General
We can do this, baby. You ready?
We do a lot of stuff together. That's one of many thing we do together.
We don't limit ourselves with responsibility...
We don't need to do it.
We don't want our relationship to turn into work.
We don't. We don't do it.
We find it that the more details you give...
We get married or if we have kids one day
We got the entire family flying in.
We grew up together, we rode bikes together.
We have a couple over here. Excuse me, sir? Excuse me.
We have spent so much of our relationship
We hope we're forgiven for them.
We just gotta get through these, Four Christmases...
We just wanna be together 'cause we enjoy it.
We not allowed to have magic markers in the house.
We played in the basement. She had this game: Sun tan.
We pretended we're on the beach, she'd take lotion...
We should probably sign up for the scuba boat as soon as we get there...
We thank you, dear, lord
We used to smell each other's hands.
We would go around the room and each of us...
We would've ended up living in some home playing Bingo in, Florida.
We'd be forced to get over all of our fears.
We'd just, I chat all night long. LOL. Tickles.
We'll get to be there the whole week.
We'll go in there together and I'll drive you home.
We'll need a word that both of us know that means it's time to leave.
We'll see all four families in one day, Kate.
We'll still have each other, right.
We'll take a different trip.
We're actually heading out today to, Burma.
We're adults. Do you understand?
We're both from divorced families.
We're doing great.
We're getting married in the spring in, South Carolina.
We're gonna make bologna sandwiches I think.
We're inoculating babies there.
We're just kids. She was really imaginative.
We're just so glad that Kate has a boyfriend.
We're live on the air.
We're named after the cities in which we were conceived.
We're obviously not inoculating babies in, Burma.
We're something that we're not, Brad. I can't do that anymore.
We're taking... And we take the trips.
We've already scheduled a couple's massage...
We've been doing things alongside each other
We've seen it play out. We don't need to repeat the pattern.
Welcome back, stud!
Well congratulations. That's what you want to hear?
Well if it's important now, it'll be important after church, right?
Well jeez, why don't you just hit me with that right from the start?
Well my gift from, Santa Claus better be straight cool.
Well the phone's will be in and your flight's not going out.
Well they've been getting together for stuff since, Kasi turned one.
Well why are we standing out here for?
Well yeah but...
Well you knew, Bradford lived with me after the divorce.
Well, I'd like to give myself a gift.
Well, merry christmas one and all.
Well, that's actually not...
Well, your TV right now is a radio, so...
What a beautiful view.
What about, Kent, did you like him?
What are you talking about? What am I missing here?
What did she take so long to bring you here? Is what I wanna know.
What do I do?
What do I do?
What do you think about, Daphne?
What do you think our safe word, should be?
What don't you...?
What he's trying to say is that we plan a trip every year.
What he's trying to say is that we're just beyond words, excited.
What I had in mind was that...
What is she like... two or three months?
What is the point? Sweetheart I'm sorry, maybe I got this wrong.
What is this reaction?
What is this? Is this cheese?
What the hell do you want?
What you need to do is go out there...
What, are you crazy?
What, breast feeding?
What, do you think I should do it bigger?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What?
What? What do you call a woman...
What? What do you want me to do? I don't know what this means, I don't know what your saying to me.
What's happening? What's happening? What's the problem?
What's the problem? We're trying to give some gifts to some children.
What's this attitude, Brad?
What's this?
What's your point?
Whatever you're doing, stop it right now!
When he gets hurt inside and can't get...
When you have so many skeletons in your own closet, right.
Where are you from?
Where are you headed for this, christmas?
Where the first baby of the new year, has just been born!
Where's tiny? She didn't come?
Where's, Kasi?
Which I would have come to regret because I would have found out...
Who are you trying to impress, Suze?
Who is the most like you.
Who wants to go next?
Who's all hopped up on medication, who might try to shank the little guy,
Who's that?
Why are you staring at me when you eat the wings?
Why do you guys put yourselves through that?
Why don't you love me, Daddy?
Why would I want a satellite?
Why would they trap you in there that long?
Why? Is, Santa Claus cheap like my daddy?
With a man?
With Kate...
With lesbian tendencies, 'cause if that was your journey...
With the commercial trappings of the holidays.
With this kind of red carpet service is available.
Woman, do your job and swaddle this baby!
Would anyone like anything else?
Would be too...
Would it be possible to take us out...
Would know a little bit more about each other than you already do.
Would speak to the spiritual gifts that we might give.
Yeah you tell them your real name.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, and not to mention all the yard work. You save so much money.
Yeah, but this is Fiji. We've never been to Fiji.
Yeah, I told her I didn't want to get married.
Yeah, it's fun.
Yeah, okay, come here. Careful. There you go.
Yeah, she lost three pounds. It only took her all summer.
Yeah, spray.
Yeah, that's what happened to our families.
Yeah, those women who haven't done it before.
Yeah, we'll be helping out with these kids.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah? What is it?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's exactly the island in, Asia, Burma.
Yes exactly. Except they don't actually get paid for it.
Yes, it is.
Yes.
You already destroyed my, TV and family room.
You already got one of those.
You and Santa Claus don't love me.
You are the best girl in the whole world.
You are the best girl in the whole world.
You can do this, baby.
You can say an eight legged animal or a superhero...
You can tell him I said so.
You can't be sleeping with my mom...
You can't pull the goalie without checking with your team mate, this is insane.
You can't say, beef!
You can't spell families without lies, am I right?
You certainly look dressed for a vacation.
You checked us in already? You're the best, sweetheart.
You could take this one. This one here.
You do?
You don't have to give the performance. You just have to get up there.
You don't say hey: My name used to be asshole, but it's, Bob.
You don't think I get enough channels?
You forgot your tampons?
You got to come up with a differnet... Use a lifeline.
You got to worry about some art student, who's hyperactive
You gotta get out of here. I can't breathe.
You gotta hold him. Okay, got him?
You gotta use a lock nut on that.
You guys got a lot. How many was that?
You idiot! Stop it!
You just come here.
You just pay 20 bucks, and you put in your profile.
You know how much. I know, mom it's been three years since I've been there for, christmas.
You know what I mean? We can find an appropriate time.
You know what my favorite ones are though, of when you're a baby...
You know what, can I get your gas money? I'd like to get your gas money.
You know, I'd rather just not get into it.
You know, this stuff is connected to all different stuff inside your tummy.
You must be pretty upset. Are you visiting friends and family?
You must be, Orlando's girl.
You promise? At the, Radisson?
You really can't spell families without lies.
You remember my girlfriend, Kate.
You should do it. It's great.
You should totally do it!
You shouldn't go so conceptual, you do want to go a lot more literal.
You wanna flick one?
You wanna go over to your mom?
You want me to answer it? Do I answer or no?
You want this?
You want to bust up my kitchen as well?
You were amazing. You were like this.
You were just thinking about yourself up there.
You were my friend, Darryl. You were my best friend.
You'd better go or I'm going to tickle.
You'll be there for me in a crisis.
You're a big boy now.
You're a grown, strong, confident, successful man.
You're absolutely right. Here's all we got to do.
You're not helping anybody. Put the mask on this one.
You're so tall and firm like a giant oak.
You're staged trained. You played Pippin in High School.
You're the longest relationship she's ever had with a man.
You're trying to out do us?
You've been taking good care of him.
You've complemented my accessories.
You've took an interest in my personal history.
Your families don't know you had a baby?
Your grandmother's boyfriend is a first class ass sniffer.
Your mind and spirit are strong, like mine.
Your projectile on auntie, Kate.
4 days of listening to how gifted my nieces are.
13 airport pick ups.
'cause I got a lot back to. Celine Dion. You feel like, Celine Dion?
A screensaver. Yes, baby!
Alibi. Yes.
Alright we'll see you at noon. Noon?
Alright. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Amen, Dad. Yeah.
and still be my friend, okay? I'm thirsty, is anybody else thirsty?
and then I'll do the timer. Okay.
And you must be, Kate. Yes.
and you put it on a barbecue and... Chicken.
Are you shitting me? Uh uh.
Ask the audience Spiders, Brad. I'm scared of spiders.
because I don't wanna be alone. It's not gonna happen.
Because that's terrific. A suite. Brad, please.
Big bad Brad! Hi!
Brad, this is my aunt, Sarah. Hi.
Brad? Yeah.
Brad. merry christmas. merry christmas.
Bro. Hey, buddy.
But they're not really... Sweetheart It's, my dad.
but you ate the other baby in the womb. Brad.
Can't say look. Okay, mom I'm not the one with the card.
Can't say superhero! Mom, I'm not actually the one with the...
Capital of, China. Hong Kong.
Chores for money. And we're not like even planning for like our future.
Come on in. Okay.
Come on son, we gotta go! This is your opportunity.
Come on! Take us in!
Cut it out. Baby, I love you.
Did you go to school out there? Yeah, I did. I went to Wesslam.
Did you hear that? Brad.
Do you get that? Just shush. You can't say, shush.
Exactly. We're open to letting it grow.
Go! Yes!
God I've missed you! Good to see you, Mom!
Good job. Good job. We only got two.
He's so well spoken. Thank you. Thank you.
Here are your scripts. Scripts?
Hey, Grandpa! Hey!
Hey, Kate! Hi, Mom.
Hey, kids. Okay this is, Darryl.
Hi, Courtney. Hi, sweetie.
Hi, Jesus. Actually, his name's, Bernard.
Hi, Kasi. What are you doing?
Hi, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
Hmm. I'm sorry?
Honestly. It's a little short.
Honey, of course we will. Okay.
Horrible. Point it up!
Hot. But also has ninja equipment...
How about now? Worse. It's worse.
How are you guys doing? Look at this. How are you?
How are you? Good to see you. Hi.
How's she doing? Good. She's sleeping.
I am. I'm really excited. I am excited.
I didn't need to know that. Listen, Kate my point is, after three years...
I do like the snack. Yes, he does.
I don't wanna make them. Uh uh.
I hate this. We never fight, honey. I'm sorry.
I have to tell my mom. No. You don't need to tell your mom.
I just assumed... All right. All right.
I know that. I push the wrong thing...
I listen to the stewardesses. When they say...
I love you so much. Come here.
I love you, Kate. I love you, Brad.
I love you. I love you too.
I really liked, Daphne. You did?
I said no, Dad. You what?
I saw the pictures of, Joe. Joe wasn't gay.
I think we're gonna need a exit strategy. Yes.
I thought you said they were personal trainers. They're dude cock fighters.
I was shaking around... Dancer.
I'd like to meet, Kent again. Yeah, come here.
I'll go. Okay.
I'll think about that. Yes.
I'm going in. And going out would be...
I'm gonna vomit. Brad, are you okay?
I'm good. Look, your mother...
I'm kidding. Kind of. Okay, babe.
I'm not gonna do it. Do I have a volunteer?
I'm not hugging anybody. He's really excited about the hug.
I'm not ready for scripts... Hi, Jesus.
I'm not... FAA? If you'd listen...
I'm sorry. I didn't realize... It's okay.
I've heard her. Because If you pass out...
is a very sexual being, Bradford. She's a very what?
Is that an eighties song? No, Brad.
Is this how it's gonna be with us? Is this how it's gonna... What's..?
It's gonna be amazing. Are you excited?
It's my favorite. Beef.
John Grisham. Yes!
Just flip the tube. Excuse me?
Just, Paula. Okay.
Kate! What?
Kent was hot. Really?
Leave my TV alone! I'm fine!
Let's go. Okay.
Let's go. Okay.
Let's just do the next one. Okay.
Let's... you know? I get it.
Look how else will you know...? No, Brad.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Dad.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas!
Merry christmas. Mom!
Mexican dude. Ricardo Montealban.
Mini skirt. Yes!
Mistletoe is really good. Okay.
Mistletoe. Done. Let's get out of here.
My God. I did.
My stuff fell out and then all the bar tenders... Your what fell out?
Nice to finally meet you. Excuse me.
Nine. Wow.
No, before that! After the wax! Oh my god.
No, I'm sorry. Do you have a cousin airline?
No, I'm sorry. Do you have a cousin airline?
No, no, no. We're talking about teaching them discipline.
No, no, not Capricorn but... a, Libra.
No, no. Go ahead.
No, no. No.
No, no. This one's out.
No. Please.
No... We are stuck here.
Oh my God. I'm excited.
Oh really? No, I just like to rub it.
Oh that's not gonna happen. No, no family.
Okay you know I was thinking... Oh we were just best friends.
Okay. Even if we're there for 10 min.
Okay. Okay, time.
Okay. Yeah.
or having kids right away. No, no, no.
Orderves for anyone. Come on.
paying the bills for me. Okay, you win.
Pollie, can you do the buzzer? Oh, yeah!
Pull the thing and... Get off my roof!
Ready? Go! Okay.
Right here. Right here! Come on!
Seven. Seven.
She didn't tell you about cootie, Kate? Mom, I really don't think this is necessary.
She never got over it. I got over it.
Should I call you... Just call me, Paula.
Snakes. No, no, no.
So, no thank you. Bradford, be nice.
So, nothing actually. Wait, wait.
Sure. Of course. But thanks.
Take, Jackson. All right.
Thank you. Nice to meet you. Oh It's so wonderful to meet you.
Thanks for having us. Good to see you.
Thanks, babe. We have a baby!
That feels good. It's the acupressure.
That stage fright thing. How do I look?
That's great. He likes a snack.
That's Kate? Yes.
That's Kate. That's not a boy named, Bjorn?
That's why you're so powerful. Stop.
The 10 dollar what? 10 dollar spending cap.
The syrup! Yes!
The thing I'm most scared of. Jump jumps! 4 year olds.
then you get buzzed. Okay.
there's a lot of advantages. Yeah. They wonderful,
They crack up like tire rubber. Okay.
They're gonna sell us out. This is exciting. We never thought about it like this.
This is all right. Leave my TV alone!
This is my aunt, Donna. Hi.
Tourists. Skinny. No, no, no.
We'll go. Okay, great.
We're done. Why, what are you doing?
We're going to Fiji. Just the two of us. Yeah.
We're gonna try again. Well...
We're happy. Yeah.
Well, this is, Brad. Hi.
What are you saying? I'd like to know...
What are you talking about? I just...
What are you talking about? What do you call her?
What did he say? Keep going.
What did you call me? I didn't stutter.
What do you think? You look fine. I'm trying to get...
What should I do with him? See if he made a stinky.
What? Do you ever listen to the stewardesses?
What? I forgot my line.
What's did you major in..? Psychology.
When they're seven. I know what your talking about, not slave labor.
Where is, Brad? He's not going to make it.
Who's, Pastor Phil? Mom's new beau.
Wow, I can't believe we did it. We did.
X Box. This is awesome. Whoa.
Yeah, what about you guys? We're not getting married.
Yeah. Definitely naughty.
Yeah. Does that hurt?
Yeah. Nine months.
Yeah. We are happy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. The blanket. He's got the pillow.
Yes, yes! Hey, merry christmas.
Yes! Time.
You can't say shush. Okay Lets just move on... Kebab.
You can't say, France it's on the. You don't have to buzz me like that, Brad.
You did not. For the next time.
You did? That's great. Yeah.
You do look pretty sexy with a tan. Thanks, babe.
You just say: "My name is, Bob." Maybe to a stranger on the street...
You kidding? There's new stuff...
You know what that's for? Not till later.
You see this... Can't say, see!
Your house is beautiful. Oh thank you.
Your throwing, eighties songs at me? I'm tired of being one foot in.
...after you see what I got you. Go ahead open it up.
...and hurt their feelings and disappoint them.
...and no one talked to her.
...and runs off with another man?
...and stress and all kinds of stuff.
...and touch my underwear...
...and trying to escape than be involved...
...and you can really enjoy it.
...as you have been during this, god awful conversation.
...back in his apartment. A lot's happening.
...hand stuff and what she does with her... Yeah, okay?
...his emotions into words, he takes to streaking.
...I pleasure, Milton with my hand and with my mouth.
...in a satellite dish installation at, Stanford.
...in a uniform to wander around my house...
...in something with those. That's like a time bomb, waiting to explode.
...in the vice and state, mamma.
...kinda throws them off the set.
...on the first flight to Fiji tomorrow. Okay?
...on the musty couch in the basement with the cats.
...that you're just as boring and polite in the bedroom...
...that you're supposed to put your mask on in case of an emergency...
...the, Pastor Phil!
...when he puts it up my shirt. Do you know what I'm saying?
...who throws away a career, abandons her kids...
...with some weird millionaire, hunting me and trying to kill me...
...with, Tricia's family.
...you'd be at the top of my list.
'cause it looks almost like you were almost meant to be a twin...
'cause you're gonna feel so guilty about leaving it there by itself.
# All is bright #
# All is calm #
# Holy infant so tender and mild #
# Round young Virgin Mother and Child #