Wild Wild West (1999) Edit

A bedside heater.

A day of healing for the wrongs that have been done to us all.

A frightened, starving, half naked woman who wants to find her father.

A gamer that takes to the crop and the spur.

A lot of scientific ingenuity and hard work went into this.

A new girl!

A week before the war ended in '65, I was with the 9th Cavalry.

According to the Retinal Terminus Theory, a dying person's last image...

Actually, I didn't.

Actually, I do, Artie.

Aesthetically and scientifically perfect.

After all that, you missed?

After all...

After I kill you...

Agents number one and number two.

Ah. How about this? Come as my manservant.

Air Gordon.

Alive and kicking.

All around

All right, hold on. Hold on!

All right, Mr. West, we'll settle this...

All right. Okay....

All right....

ALL: [SINGING] Sons of the South, come to glory

Allow me to introduce you to my trigger happy partner, James West...

Allow me to make that decision for you.

Am I missing something here?

Am I to sit at home and wait for news that he's been killed, or do something?

An armed, n**** cowboy costume in a room full of white former slave owners.

An innocent billiard ball this way, but depress the number...

And a great big puddle of blood

And a little piece for me to retire on.

And between us, the whole slavery thing...

And blood on the ground

And here we stand, while that demented maniac hurtles...

And I finally got him all to myself.

And I have to help you! You!

And I'm getting the sense that y'all took that negatively.

And now I am angry!

And now we have to run.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tank to catch.

And so you shall.

And speaking of hard pumping, Mr. Coleman...

And speaking of sleeping, I'm really tired, Artie.

And surely you should feel free to treat him just...

And that would be my belt buckle.

And they say you scientists are supposed to be smart.

And, West, not every situation calls for your approach of "shoot first...

Anything at all....

Anyway, you'll have plenty of time to discuss it on your new assignment.

Are you a dangerous spy of some sort...

Are you here alone, Mr. West?

Arise

Artie, right now we need a plan.

As a matter of clarification, this is not needlepoint.

As do I, Munitia. As do I!

As long as we can outrun the blade, we'll be fine!

As opposed to five minutes ago, when I tried...

Aside from a lack of wheelchair access...

At least you still have each other.

Au contraire.

Avanti! Avanti!

Back on up now.

Bad dog!

Bad dog!

Bad dog! Watch Oh. Damn!

Be still! Be still!

Beautiful women encourage you one minute...

BELLE: The legendary Captain James West.

Bet you do. Huh?

Big, sturdy gal like you probably gets top dollar too.

Bless you.

Bloodbath McGrath.

BOTH: Now what?

Buckwheat? That's your problem.

But having witnessed my use of mechanology thus far...

But I draw the line at defying gravity, so good luck.

But I would die along with you, hence my conflict.

But if you want the devil that's responsible for New Liberty...

But let's break down that word.

But that tank is just a little hors d'oeuvre...

By the way, boobies look great tonight. Nice and perky!

By the way, I'll be seeing President Grant at Promontory Point.

Change gear ratio from 2.2 to 2.8.

Change gear ratio from 2.2 to 2.8.

Coleman, stop the train!

COLEMAN: We have Loveless.

COLEMAN: We're not putting anybody off here in the middle of nowhere!

Come on! Let's go inside!

Come on! Put this thing away.

Come to Washington with me.

Come, come, come, arise

Could I borrow something to wear?

Courage is only as good as the machinery that supports it.

Crazy beard. About your height. Seen him?

Dark haired fella.

Darling....

Decisions...

Depress the number, it's a sleeping gas bomb effective in under three seconds.

DETECTIVE: Whoa, there, partner!

Did you ever see your family again?

Did you have any idea there were so many?

Didn't mean to startle you. Looked like you could use help.

Ding!

Direct me to the poot, sir.

Dismissed.

Do we ever lose our sense of humor?

Do you mind if I ask which one is agent number one and which is number two?

Do you mind if I ask which one is agent number one and which is number two?

Do you mind if I ask you a question?

Don't be.

Don't let the ear frighten you.

Don't make Captain West any later than he already is.

Don't mind if I do, sir.

Don't worry. I'm wearing an Impermeable.

Don't you just hate that song?

Dr. Arliss Loveless?

Drink? Cigar?

Drive. Stop or I'll shoot.

Drop it!

East and West.

Engine number five, track six.

Especially if they're half naked!

Exactly.

Excuse me?

Expert in the field of metallurgy. Discovered in a field of alfalfa.

Federal agents inside, sir.

Fight each other all you please. Harm my train, I'll douse you like dogs.

Finding the right combination of levers

Fire away!

First word: Red. Color of passion, fire, power.

First, I'd like to reiterate that you make one ugly woman.

Florida and the Fountain of Youth go back to Spain.

For four years, I've chased the animal...

Foreign ministers.

Four of a kind always beats a pair.

Foyer?

Funny how some folks think he's dead.

General "Bloodbath" McGrath.

General McGrath, if I may interrupt.

General McGrath's boys. Waiting for y'all for a week, you show up now.

Gentlemen, I am truly impressed by your effort and ingenuity.

Get Escobar out of here!

Giant spider!

Give them the order to desist!

Go on, girl! Sing!

Go, Gordon! Go!

Going to Spider Canyon.

Good Lord!

Good luck with that one.

Good to see you. My name's Jim. How's your mama?"

GORDON [IMITATING GRANT]: In matters pertaining to war...

Gordon has proven himself as a cunning operator, with a rapacious intellect.

Gordon, let's ride!

Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandkids, leave this part out.

GORDON: About 400 years! Damn!

GORDON: Afraid you're wrong? Touch my breasts!

GORDON: Back there. WEST: But if there's anything....

GORDON: Gypsy queen...pirate....

GORDON: Hang on, Mr. President!

GORDON: Most impressive.

GORDON: Okay, it's a ditty.

GORDON: Thank you! We had a lovely time!

GORDON: The Louisiana Purchase.

GORDON: Very good.

GORDON: Whoa.

GORDON: Why, it's a deep, deep pool.

GORDON: You have no idea where we're going, do you?

Gordon!

Gordon!

Gordon! Stop the train!

Gordon. Gordon! Gordon!

GRANT: "May God continue the unity of our country...

GRANT: Was this part of your plan, Gordon?

GRANT: We don't have time for this.

Great Britain gets back the 13 original colonies, minus Manhattan.

Great, glorious day!

Gunpowder, nitroglycerine and .44 caliber primers.

Guns.

Ha, ha, ha. Oh, I see.

Half naked?

Hang him!

He has an 80 foot tarantula.

He has his own city.

He has loosed the fateful lightning Of His terrible swift sword

He is trampling out the vintage Where the g****s of wrath are stored

He killed all them children, old folks...

He manned the machine there.

He mistake you for me.

He's just trying to get warm.

He's so courageous.

He's so impetuous.

He's trapped.

Heard about it. I thought it was crazy survivors' stories.

Hell, you let Loveless blow up mine.

Here you are.

Here you go.

Here's a little bon voyage present for you guys.

Here's something in the true Jim West style!

Hey! I'm warning you!

Him! Him! The girl!

His theory states that the air over a bird's wing moves...

His truth is marching on

Hold on to that for me for one second, would you?

Hold on! Avanti!

How did we arrive in this dark situation?

How did you know?

How is it you know so much about the desert?

How long have we waited?

How nice of you to drop in.

How the devil do you know about explosives?

How you feel about that coincidence?

How.

HUDSON: General McGrath...

I am a genius!

I am Dr. Loveless' personal assistant.

I am leaving today for Utah...

I am not an animal. I am a visionary!

I am the President of the I'm Artemus Gordon.

I am the President of the United States.

I am the President of the United States.

I believe I'm that second one.

I call it The Impermeable.

I came to find Guillermo Escobar, the scientist. My father.

I can't think of anything for "neck," but y'all still got "red."

I checked it after sampling the gumbo, which was a bit heavy on the okra.

I could kill you very easily just by pulling on this lever.

I demand you give the order to stop this slaughter now!

I didn't bring my fly swatter.

I didn't mean it like that.

I didn't realize we were at war.

I didn't think so.

I don't forget a face that easily.

I don't have a gun. Otherwise, I'd shoot it off!

I don't have anything against you.

I don't know about you, but I'll sleep better...

I don't need some nobody professor telling me where to head.

I don't think so.

I don't think that name was on our guest list. And I would know.

I feel I know you from somewhere.

I feel like a ditty.

I find them primitive and unnecessary if one's done one's proper planning.

I forgot about it. It must've slipped out of my pocket.

I give you Morton's last image.

I got a telegram for a Dr. Loveless from his mother.

I have a humble abode nearby. I hope you'll accept my hospitality.

I have a proposition to make.

I have always felt that allowing any situation to degenerate into violence...

I have no idea. I'm just as stumped as you are.

I just made that up.

I knew him years ago...

I knew him years ago...

I knew it!

I know why those foreign guys were at Loveless' party.

I know you'd never let him take me back.

I learned that from a Chinaman.

I lived out here as a boy. I was raised by the Indians.

I look like something out of James Fenimore Cooper...

I lost it at Chickamauga.

I mean, you can cut it with a fork.

I mean, your breasts were hard and stiff...

I must warn the president!

I need him!

I see my men have brought your merchandise.

I stand before you as a man realizing that I've done something wrong.

I suggest you put your affairs in order.

I suppose the threat of death to someone with your valorous war record...

I swears I'd be delighted! I sing, I dance for you, sir.

I swears none of the white folks'll know I'd rather shoot myself...

I thought I'd stuff your half a ass in one of these cannons...

I thought you'd be glad to see me like this.

I trust you slept well.

I understand your distress, but these men are not dying senselessly.

I understand, but I urge you to reconsider in light of the following!

I want something young and creamy.

I want you to understand that.

I was hired as an entertainer.

I was hoping I wouldn't...

I was hoping to kill the Butcher of New Liberty myself.

I was hoping....

I was just gonna jot down a note.

I was merely demonstrating how someone, using the art of disguise...

I was propositioned by three men.

I was sent to another plantation as a boy.

I was thinking I'd go as a government agent...

I was thinking of another spider.

I'd follow you into the jaws of Cerberus hisself.

I'd like the opportunity to make it right.

I'll assure you any attack by Loveless would be an exercise in futility.

I'll demonstrate how my design suggestions...

I'll help you get him, Jim.

I'll put my foot in your chest. Push off.

I'll spare you the embarrassment. Make a sandwich. You're getting off.

I'll tell you if you take me along.

I'll undo your belt. I'll run that way, you run the other way.

I'm a special U.S. marshal on assignment from the president.

I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you.

I'm afraid I haven't been quite honest with you.

I'm afraid it can't be that you're alive...

I'm an entertainer.

I'm facing a difficult problem here.

I'm gonna save the Republic.

I'm just peachy. Can you help me get my boot off?

I'm looking for some missing scientists, not that I'm complaining.

I'm looking to surprise an old friend, General McGrath. You haven't seen him?

I'm not a lady! I'm a U.S. marshal!

I'm not working!

I'm out for a little morning ride...

I'm putting the final touches on my latest invention.

I'm Rita.

I'm still waiting on my guns and ammunition.

I'm sure y'all can see how...

I'm sure y'all can see how...

I'm sure you are, ma'am.

I've been thinking. Maybe the president's right.

I've never been much good with French.

I've only made one or two additions to your wardrobe.

I've seen you shoot.

I've tried to place myself in Loveless' shoes.

If a little ungainly.

If I'd had the scientific understanding of gunpowder and primers I have today...

If you ask me, somebody around here...

If you had to get one right, I'm sure glad it was this one.

If you insist on a firearm, I have something...

If you still refuse to sign the surrender...

If you're so special, how come you're looking up here...

In 1540, Leonardo da Vinci designed a flying machine, but never finished it.

In a daubière. It's a clay pot. It's a French method.

In my native land

Is Spider Canyon. What now, Mr. Plan Man?

Is that so?

Is that the eight ball? Get down.

It has a cabin on top with a cannon.

It is for a far greater cause than you can possibly imagine.

It rolls on and on, screeching like a wounded animal.

It swivels around like an eagle's head.

It was.

It works! It works!

It'd be a shame to discard it.

It'd be difficult for a man of your stature...

It's a fine looking spider you have there.

It's a vest. When worn under clothing...

It's McGrath, sir.

It's me, dear friends.

It's nice having her on board. She's a breath of fresh ass.

Jim West does not wear costumes.

Jim!

Jim?

Jim. You wouldn't be working up here tonight, now would you?

Judging from the position of these bodies...

Just butt ugly.

Just one. Touch one!

Kick this shindig off the right way!

Kill him! Him!

Ladies, feed him to the crabs.

Let me tell you something about your art of disguise.

Let me understand your plan.

Let the party begin!

Let's get on about our president's business, shall we?

Let's go, Coleman. Utah.

Let's go!

Let's set that needlepoint aside and handle this like men.

Lieutenant! Sergeant!

Like to have everybody's attention.

Like today.

Listen, the art of disguise is what we need to get into the party...

Look, a desert wasp, one of the world's greatest hunters.

Loveless has fitted us with the same metal device we found on Morton.

Loveless kidnapped a few metallurgists...

LOVELESS: Bonjour...

LOVELESS: General McGrath. McGRATH: Yes, sir.

LOVELESS: Good morning, gentlemen.

LOVELESS: I have always admired you, Mr. West.

LOVELESS: Ladies, we need a new train.

LOVELESS: Today, I'm proud to be able to sit before y'all...

LOVELESS: We may not have a woodshed on board...

Loveless' private track.

Ma'am.

Maintain this speed. I'm coming up.

MAN [MUFFLED]: Let me out! Please!

MAN: Georgia? Africa.

MAN: Let's hang him!

Manhattan, for a handful of beads.

Matter of fact, I do.

Maybe it's your old swimming hole, general. Are you feeling sleepy?

Maybe we're in the wrong place.

McGrath is on his way to New Orleans. The longer we stay here...

McGRATH: That's a lot of ham for these skinny legs, let me tell you!

McGrath.

Meet Professor Thaddeus Morton, kidnapped from M.I.T. six months ago.

Miss East informs me that you expected to see General McGrath here.

MISS EAST: An authentic cowboy outfit, complete with six guns.

Mm hm. And Queen somebody of France got swindled.

Mm. This is fantastic. How do you cook it?

Mortification of the aqueous humor's led to a loss

MORTON: He's a madman!

Mr. Gordon, the item you requested.

Mr. President, I'll ask you once again:

Mr. President, what about our train?

Mr. West, although you are as black as the night on the outside...

Mr. West.

Much as I'd like to take credit for that, you might wanna hand me my gun.

Munitia, make note the turret speed must be accelerated.

Munitia, make note the turret speed must be accelerated.

Munitia!

My auxiliary tool kit.

My God!

My God!

My mother's name was Dora.

My name is Artemus Gordon...

My name is Rita Escobar.

My partner nations insist that we make this as legal as possible.

My tools are gone.

Neck....

Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a big redneck dance. Got it.

New Liberty, Illinois, a free slave town just over the border.

Next stop, New Orleans.

Nice hat.

Nice horse!

Nice try, buster.

No, I was thinking of something simple.

No, no, no, no. I'm the master of the mechanical stuff!

No, not even when we lost a lung...

No, watch the swirling spiral. Watch the

Not a day goes by that I don't contemplate it.

Not a very good actor at that. He's too fat and dull witted.

Not here.

Not if I catch it first.

Not quite myself out here.

Not that hard! Now you've shifted all the buckwheat around.

Not that I'm complaining, but why are you here?

Not that I'm ungrateful to Providence for bringing you back...

Nothing will stop him from completing a mission...

Nothing.

Now I'm really hungry.

Now I'm the master of this mechanical stuff.

Now I'm working.

Now that's a whupping.

Now touch my breast.

Now was there someone particularly close to you...

Now, shall we go upstairs and check the merchandise?

Now, somebody around here promised me a whupping.

Now, well....

Now!

Of the coming of the Lord

Oh, dear!

Oh, he's so graceful!

Oh, Jim!

Oh, look.

Oh, no. No, thank you. I'm fine.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Excuse me, am I intruding?

Oh. Shit. Gordon only gave me one. If you give me a second, I'll

Ohh.

Okay.

Okay.

On a clear night, we might even get Galveston.

On the one hand, I have an overwhelming love for myself...

One of us was trying to catch McGrath, and the other was trying to marry him.

One...

Only one week, if we believe this.

Or better yet, come back to Washington with me.

Our freedom is at stake, and this is our duty as men.

Over here, three seemingly innocent billiard balls, yes?

Pants!

Perhaps Miss East will keep you from being a slave to your disappointment.

Personally, I like the symmetry of it.

Please, Artie! Don't leave me alone!

Please, Jim. My father's the only family I've got.

Please, sir! You fine, dark warrior!

Problem solved.

Professor Escobar is not my father. He's my husband.

Put aside your differences...

Quit dancing around and figure out how to run this damn thing!

Quite. Will you excuse me?

Ran away as soon as my legs were strong enough to take me.

Ready! Aim!

Really? Now that is

Really? One can hardly notice.

REB 1: Wagon's coming!

REB 2: Come on, McGrath's waiting on this stuff.

REB 2: Well, well.

REB 3: Pack it up good, Virgil.

REB 4: Damn, this crate's heavy!

Refraction of the lenses causes the image to appear upside down, so we simply....

RITA [SINGING]: There was blood on the saddle

Rita is sleeping off the aftereffects in the stateroom.

Rita needs a bedside heater. It gets quite chilly.

Rita, my dear.

RITA: Artie.

RITA: Get your hands off me!

RITA: Help! Please! Somebody help me out!

RITA: I know that.

RITA: Jim, Artie!

Run along. I'm gonna sing my old friend McGrath a lullaby.

Run for the gully!

Save it. Got a train to catch. Hyah!

Scream, scream....

Second word: Neck.

Second, while you were out here, I found out Dr. Loveless...

See anybody that looks familiar?

See you in Washington, gentlemen.

See? Nothing.

Seems a bit ungracious, if not perilous.

Send me on to hell.

She is quite lovely, isn't she?

She said, "Come home. Stop all this foolishness."

She'd have been in our way. She and I'd have wound up in the saddle.

She's an entertainer.

She's mine!

She's not a distraction.

Shoot him in the head.

Shoot him...

Sign the surrender, or I will decimate this town!

Since the beginning of written history, a nation's power has been determined...

Since the nitro and guns were destroyed, lice and demoralization has set in

Sir, these are perilous times.

So do I.

So full, so sumptuous....

So have your men...

So how did your parents, who I assume were n****...

So I understand you let General McGrath get away.

So if I have piqued your interest...

So let's head on inside, knock us back some shine.

So let's see, Mr. West.

So put your mind at ease. You are safe within these walls.

So whom do we seek? After consulting with Intelligence

So...what were all those foreign ministers doing at Loveless' party?

SOLDIER: What are you doing here, boy?

Somebody mind telling me what's going on?

Something's funny about that rope!

Something's in his pocket. It's too fuzzy to see.

Sons of the South, come to glory

Sorry to interrupt, but I gotta get to Malheureux Point.

Sorry.

Stay out of my way!

Stay within the perimeter, you'll stay alive."

Stay! Stay!

Still trying to figure that out.

Stop him, please!

Stop the train!

Sure could use some clothes here!

Survivors?

Take this man away! Captain!

Tempo.

Texas, New Mexico, California, Arizona...

Texas? What do you mean?

Thank you, Mr. President.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Artemus, was it?

Thanks, Artie.

That flying machine idea of yours....

That night at Fat Can's, it wasn't difficult to see you weren't a woman.

That she aim at my heart...

That thing'll never get past those rocks.

That was fun! Which one of you boys wants to strip down and go next?

That would be nice.

That'd be an awful career decision.

That's a man's head.

That's a man's head.

That's a new one. Look!

That's called lift, and is what we will now attempt.

That's it! I won't let Loveless take me away!

That's my truffle reduction sauce.

That's not exactly the way it happened.

That's not what I meant.

That's something to be proud of.

That's the first place Loveless would've looked.

That's what I was talking about. The distraction.

That's what you're here for. You're the master of this mechanical stuff.

That's when I vowed to chase this yellow devil to his grave.

That's why.

The Bi Valve Interior Combustion Twice Exhausted Bi Axle Nitro Cycle.

The Butcher of New Liberty.

The Cabinet made me hire these damned detectives.

The collars around our necks seem to contain powerful magnets!

The dungeon has been cleared out.

The immediate and unconditional surrender of the United States...

The letter was delivered today with that cake.

The master of the stupid stuff!

The most expensive cup of tea in history.

The President went to West Point. That says Harvard.

The president!

The traditional army, to say nothing of the United States, will become extinct.

The Wanderer is at your disposal.

The war may have got you 40 acres and a mule...

The wasp had a slight advantage. It could fly.

Then something happened. Someone, who'll remain nameless

Then there was the redneck comment.

There are no guards, no barbed wires.

There you are.

There've been a lot of death threats.

These breasts are a work of art.

They didn't have too much to say.

They look like shit.

They seemed so sure they could find you, I thought if I stayed with them...

They used them for target practice.

They were at the camp at New Liberty.

They were mad about something, you know, like...

They're getting away. We gotta do something! We gotta get horses!

This brassiere is killing me.

This is all I need to wear.

This is needlepoint.

This is not a mirage. If this isn't a mirage, then that

This is not the way you transport nitro!

This is ridiculous. Coleman, stop the train.

This is Rita. I found her in a cage in Loveless' bedroom.

This is what really puzzles me.

This magnetic collar was found about six feet away, near his body.

This man is an actor hired to stand in for me on public occasions.

To a well endowed blackamoor like yourself...

U.S. Army! Stay out of my way, lady!

U.S. Army.

U.S. Marshal Coleman. President wanted me to look after you.

U.S. marshal."

Uh oh!

Utah.

Very good. Tell me, who's in that sack in the other room?

Very nice.

Very observant.

Very well. What's your plan?

Voilà!

Wait, let me guess: an Elevation Enhancer...

Wait!

Wanna get your collar off? I'll get it off!

We discovered old folks, women and children slaughtered.

We got a lovely half a jail cell picked out for you.

We got us a shy nig

We gotta stick to what we each do best.

We may have lost the war...

We need to teach y'all a lesson about how to behave in polite society.

We should put aside our differences and work together.

We wouldn't have known where Loveless was going if not for her.

We'd get there a lot faster if you weren't dragging that thing around.

We'll have you out of here in a second, Mr. President.

We'll need more loading drills. I hear too much time between screams.

We'll take them both!

We're supposed to wait exactly on this here spot.

We've had a series of major misunderstandings this evening...

We've never been properly introduced. I'm Dr. Arliss Loveless...

Welcome to the Secret Service.

Well, alive, anyway.

Well, go on, shoot.

Well, I was coming to that, sir.

Well, isn't that a coincidence? Because I kind of miss me too.

Well, Mr. Gordon...

Well, sweet dreams.

Well, well, well, Dr. Loveless. I bet you thought it was...

Well, West meets East.

Were you acting like you knew what you were talking about, or can you build it?

WEST & GORDON: Rita....

WEST: And this garter belt is riding up my ass.

WEST: Gordon!

WEST: Gordon! Let's go!

WEST: Happy? I'm touching them.

WEST: How long does it take a magnet to lose its power?

WEST: Hyah!

WEST: Now touch yourself. GORDON: Oh, my God, I'm hard!

WEST: On our way to Utah, where our President is.

WEST: That's a cliff! Yes, I know!

WEST: The gully! The gully!

WEST: What kind of fancy name you got picked out for this thing?

WEST: Whoa.

WEST: Whoo!

WEST: Yee ha!

West!

West!

West!

West.

What a terribly clever costume, Mr...?

What about that one?

What are you doing?

What can I do for you?

What could a maniac with no reproductive organs want with Rita?

What do we have? Intelligence, a sense of purpose, the element of surprise.

What do you mean, who am I?

What happens when we find Loveless and you're still on this train?

What kind of lady are you?

What kind of weapon did this?

What now, Artie?

What proposition is that?

What shall I tell him for you?

What was that nickname again?

What would you do?

What?

What's this?

What's wrong, West?

What's your plan for getting this thing off my neck?

When I say "speak," you'll tell me everything. Understood?

When it comes right down to it, you just can't beat...

When you're right, you're right.

Where did he go?

Where is he?

Where's he going?!

Which is not to say that Rita doesn't possess a beauty...

Which scientist is it? Dr. Escobar? Speak.

White folks.

Who are you?

Who do you work for? Who paid you to kidnap Escobar?

Who knows? I might even become familiar with her myself.

Who wouldn't want folks running around doing chores?

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoo hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Sure am glad we got that cleared up.

Whoop!

Why couldn't we give her a ride home to Texas? It's on the way.

Why did it take so long to figure it out?

Why wasn't it on some contraption that shoots out your ass?

Why, y'all look like you've seen a ghost.

Why, yes'um, Master Gordon!

With some extrapolation and a bit of imagination, I've

WOMAN: Oh!

WOMEN [SINGING]: Mine eyes have seen the glory

Would it help if I said I thought you were a man?

Would you help me undress? I always have trouble undoing this clasp.

Would you pull on one of those pool cues?

Yes, Dr. Loveless.

Yes, he's an idiot.

Yes, I'm sleepy.

Yes, well, I was coming to that.

Yes, when something primitive is called for.

You all right?

You and I have been handpicked by the president.

You are dismissed, sir! Leave!

You can't just ram a man's personal things into some hole like that.

You could put a gun on that.

You do know how to ride.

You drive a hard bargain. All right, 50 cents.

You expect to kill me with that peashooter?

You go as a riverboat captain, and I'll be a saloon girl.

You go right ahead, enjoy the party.

You go straight to hell, sir!

You got your money. Run along! Have a little dignity.

You gotta be interested. You're a whore!

You have me at somewhat of a disadvantage.

You have one week before you will surrender the U.S. government."

You have one week.

You just don't have it in you.

You know him?

You looked nasty.

You must wear something. It's a costume party.

You never know when a high powered magnet might come in handy.

You saw it?

You sawed off sadistic bastard! You betrayed us!