Billy Madison (1995) Edit

A day filled with daiquiris and Nintendos and jack off magazines...

A hundred friends, a million parties...

A little confused, kinda sweaty,...

A little first day hazing.

A menace. And what do we do with a menace?

Aaah!

After all your hard work, how would you feel working for some punk kid like Billy?

Agh! Ooh!

Ah!

Ah. You must be Billy Madison.

All right, boys' night out!

All right, man. You're hurting me.

All right, stop before I throw up.

All right, what's up?

All right!

All right. All right.

All she's talking about is makin' out with me. I'm here to learn, not to make out.

All the people at the zoo are very nice, penguin.

Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

And all the kids are treating me very nice. It's great.

And I just wanted to apologise, and I hope you forgive me.

And it uses its own pigment molecule, chlorophyll, to carry out the action.

And now Eric's secretary is in a coma.

And now we have just two students left.

And our operations manager Carl Alphonse. Sit down, gentlemen, sit down.

And people who work for my dad are always stoppin' by.

And poor chlorophyll is caught in the middle of this.

And that is what a prime number is.

And the three of you can light dog shit on my living room floor.

And we can start story time.

And what do we do to our special people?

And you have all those things. You're just afraid to use 'em.

And you have the teacher, alone, in your tent.

Any more information, Rollo?

Anyways, I am sorry about what happened back there,...

Anyways, this hotel stuff really isn't for me,...

Are there any horse socks?

Are you going to class today, too?

Are you gonna come to class on Monday?

As of this moment, Mr Madison is ahead by one point.

As you can tell, Miss Vaughn is not feeling well today, so I'll be taking her place.

Ask her if she likes anybody from class, like, more than a friend.

Ask her if she would ever go out with somebody from class.

At no point in your rambling, incoherent response...

B a t h.

Bad guy. He threw one opponent out of the ring and hit a bunch of senior citizens.

Bath that's a little easy. Why don't you just give her the trophy?

Bath.

Beautiful table.

Because I paid your teachers to give you decent grades.

Better get up outta this bed!

Bill, you're gonna miss the bus.

Billy is going to be sharing our fun and learning for the next two weeks.

Billy likes to drink soda.

Billy Madison.

Billy should get another shot at high school.

Billy, could you step in here for a moment?

Billy, why are you acting like this? I know that you didn't pay off Max.

Billy, why don't you take a seat right up front here?

Billy, you forgot your stuff.

Billy, you're losing your mind.

Billy! You shouldn't pull that crap in front of your father's business associates.

Billy?

Billy? Eat your soup.

Billy. What are you doing back?

Billy's here!

Boy, this wacko looks familiar.

Brian, don't you think the future of Madison Hotels...

Brian, I got some interim forecasts for you to...

Bring that note up to me.

Buenas noches.

Buenas tardes.

Bullshit.

Bunt. B u n t.

But don't get your hopes up, because I plan on teaching,...

But for now I gotta study.

But the industry, my friends,...

But you can imagine what it'd be like if they did, right? Huh?

C h e e s e.

C o u...

C o...

C o...

C...

C...

Call the fire department. This one's outta control(!)

Call the zoo!

Can we start the story now?

Carl, has anybody been able to find out anything about this Max guy?

Cheese.

Cheese.

Class, say hello to Billy Madison.

Come here, Mr Penguin!

Come on, honey.

Come on!

Come on.

Conditioner is better.

Congratulations. You just passed the first grade.

Correct!

Cos I don't want it any more.

Cou...

Cou...

Couch.

Could be worse.

Creative mind. Maybe someday he'll make Mommy and Daddy a lot of money.

Da... I... Accident...

Dad!

Daddy.

Daddy's in prison, and he won't be home for a long time.

Did you hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class!

Discuss, citing specific examples.

Do I make myself clear?

Don't be. You say you're not a loser, Billy Madison. So win.

Don't run from me!

Don't run!

Don't run! Oh. Oh...

Don't tell me my business, devil woman.

Don't worry about it. Next week you're gonna have another teacher to annoy.

Don't worry, buddy. You hang tight. I'll be right back.

Don't you ever say that.

Don't you say that.

Don't you think it's pathetic that because of your father you get to do school again?

During that time Mr Madison was disruptive.

Each competitor will select the final category for his opponent.

Each grade, two weeks, or I get the company.

Easy.

Eee...

English Literature.

Eric is pregnant! Congratulations, Dippy!

Eric, certainly there are extenuating circumstances.

Ethics are, uh...

Everybody on? Good, great, grand, wonderful!

Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.

Except that the puppy... was a dog.

Excuse me. What's that in your hand?

Explain business ethics, and how they are applied today.

Extenuating, exschmenuating. We had a deal. A signed, written deal.

Feel those kicks! He's gonna be a soccer player. He is.

First thing she does is kick me out of her class.

First this psycho goes on TV, lies, then retracts it.

Forget it.

Gee, I can't wait till I go to high school.

Gee, you know somethin'? He kinda looks like someone I know.

Gentlemen, I can't thank you enough for coming this evening.

Gentlemen? I'm sorry to have kept you waiting.

Give 'em hell, Bill.

Give me one more chance. I'll prove I can take over.

Go on with the chlorophyll.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Good afternoon, students.

Good luck, schmuck.

Good seeing you, sir.

Good.

Grand, ripe banana. Trick of the day. Great...

Have a nice weekend, son. You start school on Monday.

Have five daiquiris?

Have some more Sloppy Joes.

Have you all met? Eric Gordon, my executive vice president.

He called the shit ''poop''!

He didn't put posters up. He just sat on the porch like a goon and waited.

He gets the company if I screw up. He's a douchebag.

He is.

He made some menacing comments to me, and then he did that little weasel laugh.

He was supposed to pinch my leg if he was running short of air.

He would have done the same for me.

He's a fine piece of ass though, too.

He's gonna shit when he realises it's shit.

He's good.

He's headed right down the toilet.

He's not my brother. He's my son.

Hello, Billy Madison.

Hello!

Hello?

Here are the trigonometry hand outs.

Here I come!

Here's a nice piece of shit.

Hey, baby!

Hey, Billy, how come you ain't poundin' any tonight?

Hey, Billy, who would you rather bone, Meg Ryan or Jack Nicholson?

Hey, Billy, you wanna go play soccer with us after school?

Hey, Eric, how would you like to settle this now, no lawyers?

Hey, Ernie, what's up?

Hey, I dare you to throw your sandwich at the bus driver.

Hey, I'm tryin' to score points with the teacher today. Don't screw it up!

Hey, look, everybody! Billy peed his pants!

Hey, maybe they're playin' Marco Polo.

Hey, mister, guess what I had for breakfast.

Hey, tubby, how about a little bathroom reading?

Hey, who threw that?

Hey, you wanna feed that donkey some beer, get it all messed up?

Hey!

Hey! Carl! Good to see you!

Hey! That's very nice of you to pick up your little brother here at school.

Hey. Look at all this milk.

Hi, Miss Vaughn. Nice to see ya.

Hi!

High school is great. I mean, I'm learning a lot.

High school was a pain in the ass, but I graduated.

Hm.

How 'bout you, sideburns? You want some of this milk?

How could I hand over my company to someone who couldn't even get through school on his own?

How his 27 year old millionaire son cheated his way through school.

How you guys doin'?

However, if there is any attempt by either contestant to cheat,...

I ain't rollin' over and dyin'. I was set up. And, worst of all, nobody believes me.

I am the smartest man alive!

I apologise for this inconvenience.

I ate some Triscuit crackers in the car. You should've had some.

I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

I believe you, Billy. And I believe in you.

I bet that Snack Pack's pretty good.

I can understand nine words in that book now.

I can't believe I liked someone who could roll over and die.

I can't believe this is happening right now.

I choose Business Ethics.

I dare you to touch her boobs.

I disagree. It's a very good game, but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.

I don't know. Don't think about it. Just hand it over.

I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes.

I don't know. My dad was yellin' at me. I'm just not in the mood.

I don't understand it.

I don't wanna sound like a weirdo, but I kinda missed Miss Vaughn today.

I don't want to annoy another teacher, Miss Vaughn. I want to annoy you.

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before...

I figured I got fourth period off, I'd shoot down and say hi.

I gotta send him back to the South Pole.

I hate cursive and I hate all of you!

I have big news.

I have the August 1983 issue of Wrestling World here.

I heard he's retarded or something.

I just think he might not be mature enough to run a Fortune 500 company.

I kinda gave you a hard time back then,...

I know from experience, dude, if you know what I mean.

I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.

I know most of you are sayin' ''Hey, any idiot could do that.''

I know now that I shall never escape my fate...

I know what you're sayin'. You're so smart.

I know. It's just that classes are so hard, and all the kids treat me like I'm a goof.

I leave the hair silky and smooth.

I made 'em extra sloppy for yous.

I mean, Eric doesn't take over the company.

I mean, I'm doin' you a favour. You don't ever have to look for a job.

I mean, ten years ago high school was the greatest. I had so much fun.

I need to talk to you.

I oughta blow you away, you miserable...

I ride the bus for the city and watch the bus drivers.

I said ''Reading is good.''

I see what's goin' on in here.

I see your lips movin', but I can't make out your words. I'm deaf.

I see. Who are you guys?

I swear, I'm sick. I can't go to school.

I think Billy and his girlfriend are playin' water polo or somethin'.

I think crazy Carl is right. I mean, I can do this if I set my mind to it.

I think it's time to play dodge ball.

I thought I was your Snack Pack.

I want you all to meet...

I will. Thank you, Juanita.

I'll be going to class to teach. How about you?

I'll be going to learn.

I'll do anything it takes. I'll go back to high school and take the exams again.

I'll do each grade in two weeks, take the tests, regraduate,...

I'll get you damn kids for this! You're all gonna die!

I'll tell you who took those lunches.

I'll turn this damn bus around.

I'm gonna go to college. I'm gonna be a teacher.

I'm never comin' back to school! Never!

I'm one of the good guys, penguin.

I'm out.

I'm sorry, Billy.

I'm sure you'll all be very impressed.

I'm sure, Dad. Thanks for everything.

I'm trying not to hold you to a higher standard than the rest of the students.

I'm trying to tell you that I'm retiring, and Eric, not you,...

I've had to face some hard truths tonight, Billy.

I've regretted it every day since. I thought at the time...

If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

If you'd told me there were Triscuit crackers,...

If you're gonna stay home today, you could help me shave my armpits.

If your dog gets lost, you don't look for an hour then call it quits.

In June 1983 he sat on some guy's head and killed him.

In perfect cursive. Any more brain busters?

Is anybody listening to me?

Is he lying or are you lying?

Is it just you and your dad in here?

Is that it, Dad? Did the penguin tell you to do this?

It doesn't feel so great to be called a loser, does it?

It means an academic decathlon.

It sure is great to have all you kids come surprise me like this at my home, but I...

It was just a stunt!

It's good soup.

It's nudie magazine day!

It's poop again!

It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around here.

Jack Nicholson now, or 197 4?

Jackpot.

Jeez, what...? Are you some damned moron?

Jeez!

Joyce?

Juanita said he'd be down in a few minutes.

Judas Priest, Barbara! One of those flaming bags again!

Just shut up! Are you ready to hand the company over to me now?

Ladies and gentlemen, thanks to a generous donation by Mr Madison...

Lady, you're scarin' us.

Last year's physics notes. Best I could do.

Leg.

Let me ask you something, Carl. You started here, what, 25 years ago?

Let's go!

Live or stuffed. Preferably stuffed, for safety's sake.

Lookee what we got here. That silly penguin is back again.

Loser? I ain't no loser. I was the king of this high school.

Making fun of a kid for trying to read. Are you psycho? Do you not have a soul?

Man, I'm glad I called that guy.

Man, I'm so nervous. First and second grade were easy,...

Man, I'm so nervous. First and second grade were easy,...

Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember.

Marco.

Max?

Max?

Maybe she feels she has to make an example of you.

Me versus you.

Michael?

Miss Vaughn, how long till we get there?

Mistake... Tit...

Mortal Kombat on Sega Genesis is the best video game ever.

Move it or lose it. Get on the b...

Move it. Get up there, Kyle.

Mr Anderson, Billy said the stuff that you said didn't happen.

Mr Anderson, is that you?

Mr Gordon, it is your turn. Mr Madison, choose the topic.

Mr Gordon. The American business environment has fundamentally changed...

Mr Madison will go first. Mr Gordon, choose the topic.

Mr Madison, what you've just said...

Mr Madison.

My God.

My late wife Emily and I started this company...

My name is Max Anderson,...

My Wife, the Tramp.

My, oh, my. Wait till old man Clemens realises it's a bag of shit.

Next.: the shocking story of power and corruption involving a hotel tycoon.

Nice talkin' to ya, shitheads.

Nice try, asswipe. But you're just delaying the inevitable.

Night bellboy at the Philadelphia Madison?

No milk will ever be our milk.

No more talky.

No more.

No, but the other kids look up to me. I don't want them to think I'm a coward.

No, I am not going to the mall. Keep spelling, mister.

No, I got a test on Friday. I'll play with you guys next week.

No, I will not make out with you!

No, I'm serious. Let's do it. Let's do it on Friday.

No, I'm sorry, that's not right.

No, Mr Madison, there no penguin. You got too much sun today.

No, no, no, they didn't.

No, sir. He's vanished. Nobody has any idea where he is.

No, they ain't pickin' on me. They're givin' me a hard time cos I'm the new guy.

No, you can't do that to me. Those kids are my whole life!

No, you don't.

No, you remembered to do that.

No!

No!

No.

No.

Normally I don't allow children to be in my home without parental supervision.

Not exactly roughing it, are you?

Not just for you boys and girls, but for Miss Lippy, too. So stay outside.

Now let's see what couldn't wait till after class.

Now the cell's happy. But other molecules are saying ''We'd like some energy too.''

Now you get yourself upstairs and get ready. Dinner's in 15 minutes.

Now you're all in big, big trouble.

Now, who can tell me where we are in our social studies reader?

Nudie magazine day! Nudie magazine day!

Nudie magazine day! Nudie...

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules!

O'Doyle rules.

O'Doyle rules.

O'Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family's goin' down.

Of course I peed my pants. Everybody my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

Oh, Billy, Billy boy.

Oh, Billy, I knew you had it in ya.

Oh, God, yes.

Oh, gosh. Oh, thank you.

Oh, gross! Did you see that guy's balls?

Oh, hi. It's Ernie from class.

Oh, I can. And I will.

Oh, I know. OK. Uh...

Oh, man, Billy, I just thought of the funniest thing.

Oh, Miss Lippy, that's so great.

Oh, my dear Lord!

Oh, my God! I am the winner!

Oh, my God! Old man Clemens hates shit!

Oh, my God! That is funny!

Oh, really, fool? Really!

Oh, shut up, Brian. I've had to listen to your jawing for too long.

Oh, that boy's a fine piece of work all right.

Oh, the sun tries to burn me, but you won't let it, will ya?

Oh, Veronica Vaughn. So hot.

Oh, well, listen, kids. It's not always as simple as all that.

Oh, wow. A Tale of Two Cities. I don't think we're up to that one yet.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes. Oh, my.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh. Hello, kids.

Oh. They don't gots to know about it. It could be our milk.

Oh(!)

OK, all right.

OK, baby. But remember, the offer is on the table.

OK, good. How about ''bunt''?

OK, how about the word ''dugout''?

OK, so let's all open up our Reading is Fun books to page 69.

OK.

OK.

OK. A simple ''wrong'' would have done just fine, but...

OK. Bye.

OK. Sure.

One day, ten events, testing all the knowledge one would gain in high school.

One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron.

One, two, five, seven.

Ooh, you're a quick one.

Ooh.

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

Our dream was to one day turn it over to our only son Billy.

Ow!

Ow! You're tearing my ear off!

Penguin!

Penguin.

Please do not do that. Come on, I swear... Just hang in there one second.

Please take your seats.

Please, Billy, please, no gibberish tonight, please. I beg you.

Please, God, give me the answer!

Proceed.

Quiet down, my special people.

Quiet.

R o k.

R... Are you going to the mall later? That's what I'm asking.

Rather have a beer.

Recently a young man named Billy Madison was enrolled there.

Reflections of Society in Literature.

Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade?

Right?

Right. One, two, three!

Rirruto?

Rirruto?

Rizzuto.

Rizzuto.

Rolex!

Scotty likes beans, don't you, Scotty?

Second team, all American, Harvard track.

See...

Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair.

Shh. Here he comes!

Shut up!

Slow down.

Smiley.

Snack Pack! You're the coolest!

So he's passed first grade and he's moved on to second. Whoop de do.

So sorry to interrupt!

So that girlie I've been chasin'? Turns out she's my third grade teacher.

So what's it like being back in school?

So why don't you just run on... Oh, boy.

So you wouldn't want anything to happen that would make 'em think less of you?

So, it's, um... the last day of third grade.

So, you see, the puppy was like industry,...

Sorry about that. Damn guy drives like an animal.

Sorry doesn't put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach, does it, Carl?

Spanish Armada.

Spanish Armada...

Speak for yourself, moron.

Spoilt snot. Get outta here.

Stay as long as you can.

Stay here.

Stop looking at me, swan.

Stupid idea in the first place.

Suck it up. Eight more weeks and you're all set.

T... t... t... today, junior!

Thank you, Daddy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks a lot, fellas. You're saving my life.

Thanks a lot, O'Doyle. Nice meetin' you.

Thanks.

That damn sasquatch.

That is correct.

That is correct.

That little boy's gotta think: you got a pet, you got a responsibility.

That question was not fair! That was not in the reading.

That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ass.

That was the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life! Let's go!

That'll end your precious little field trip pretty damn quick, huh?

That's all right, Billy. Why don't you go back and sit down now?

That's enough, Billy. Because you took your sweet ass time coming down here,...

That's it, Billy! Get the hell outta here!

That's nice.

That's not fair! Rizzuto is not a word. He's a baseball player. You're cheating.

That's not true. I'll come and visit you guys all the time.

That's OK. I'm kinda tired anyway. I'll just sit here and colour or something.

That's right. I seriously don't believe you.

That's some idea.

That's why I moved out here.

The Danny McGrath that graduated from Knibb High School in 1984?

The deal's off. Eric's got the company.

The guys everybody used to pick on before you started here.

The Industrial Revolution changed the face of the modern novel for ever.

The Industrial Revolution, to me, is just like a story I know...

The Magna Carta.

The mucus queen is yours.

The only reason he passed was that he offered me a bribe of $5,000,...

The Puppy Who Lost His Way by Chrissy Taylor.

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune...

The statement I made about Billy Madison was and is completely untrue.

The world was changing...

The, uh, ethics of, uh, business...

Then Madison Hotels is as good as mine!

There's nothing to worry about, big fella.

There's something important I was supposed to do today.

They just drift through life like lumps of crap.

They look like Rs to me.

They'll treat you real respectable, like.

Things were going along great until this wrestling freak messed things up.

This does not make the ribosomes happy.

This is a big night for me tonight, gents. I have an important announcement.

This is a very important dinner. You best be there.

This is great. When I graduated first grade all my father did was tell me to get a job.

This is just... Well, this is...

This is the best night of my life!

This is Veronica, my teacher. That's Carl.

This is where I've been spending most of my time lately.

This programme to make sure they turn the wheels right...

Those are Zs.

Those are, uh... They come with the tent, so...

Three: we'd bring back some of those ice cubes,...

Till the lacrosse team stuck a parking cone up my ass.

To be, or not to be:

To die: to sleep;

Touch her boobs? That's assault, brother.

Toys, cars, vacations, clothes...

Uh huh?

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh, hello?

Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you have a boyfriend?

Uh, Miss Vaughn, do you like anybody in class more than a friend?

Uh...

Ultraviolet rays bad. Lotion good.

Um, is this Miss Vaughn?

US Presidents.

Very pleased to meet you. Bill, I think Eric is up to something.

Wanna trade me the rest of it for this banana?

Want to touch the heinie.

Watch out, butler!

We all know what a census is, don't we? That's like taking a census...

We built it into 650 hotels.

We eliminate it. We eliminate Billy Madison.

We're gonna start today by reading a short story entitled ''My Sister Fanny''.

We're gonna talk about why that is over the next few minutes.

Well, actually, no. There's Juanita, and some maids and butlers and stuff.

Well, all right!

Well, Billy, if you spell this correctly, you pass second grade.

Well, go ahead and do it.

Well, here goes nothin'.

Well, I can think of three things I'd like to do.

Well, I guess that's it. OK, everybody! Back on the bus!

Well, I'm sure he's got something up his sleeve.

Well, it was tough for me, so back off!

Well, it's an excellent blue duck.

Well, listen, don't you think you better go to bed? Big day tomorrow.

Well, not me personally, but a guy I know. Him and her got it on.

Well, technically you're right, but...

Well, that just means you stay off to the side until a new game starts.

Well, this guy can stay in my room, I'll tell you that much.

Well, what can I say? I graduated. It's over. I did it.

Well, what do you believe? That you were an honours student?

Well, you are a goof.

Well, you're not the first person that's tried to grab my chest.

What a mess.

What can I say? I saved the day, I guess.

What do I care about some stupid phoney wrestling guy?

What do you care, Billy? What do you care who I appoint to run the company, huh?

What do you think of that, Mr Blue Duck?

What do you wanna do?

What is she talkin' about?

What's goin' on, man?

Whee hee!

Where the hell is he? I'm starvin'.

Where's Billy?

Where's my Snack Pack?

Who got the lighter?

Who the hell is it? What do you want?

Who will help me destroy Billy Madison?

Who would steal 30 bagged lunches?

Who?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Miss Lippy. The part of the story I don't like...

Whoa!

With this guy sitting on everyone's head, I wonder how he got his teaching degree?

Would you excuse me for a second?

Would you like to try the word ''buzz''?

Would you like to try writing some words in cursive on the blackboard today?

Wouldn't make much sense now, would it?

Wow! That's great!

Wow.

Wow. Good news for me.

Ya double dare me?

Yahoo for me!

Yahoo for school!

Yahoo!

Yeah, here we go again. Another treat from the road.

Yeah, sure. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, they were weird lookin'.

Yeah, um...

Yeah, well, whatever. It's all my fault. I made a mistake.

Yeah, what?

Yeah, you better get your beautiful buns up that driveway.

Yeah, you're right. You're so smart.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah, well, I gotta get goin' right now. I gotta get on the bus.

Yeah? So what's your point?

Yes, actually, it is.

Yes, I am.

Yes.

Yes.

Yikes!

Yoo hoo!

You ain't cool unless you pee your pants.

You and me, mano y mano.

You aren't gonna wanna hang round with a bunch of dumb elementary school kids.

You blew it!

You blew it. You lose.

You broke my heart.

You can sit around all day, goofing off, sipping drinks, chasing invisible penguins.

You do.

You don't have to say anything. I'm so proud of you.

You fallen in love with the wall or somethin'?

You get your ass out there and you find that fuckin' dog!

You got ''chlorophyll man'' up there talkin' about God knows what.

You got a lighter in here?

You got a misshaped head.

You gotta cherish it.

You gotta dress yourself up and look nice, too.

You know how badly I can beat you, right?

You know I like Snack Pack. Why can't you give me a Snack Pack?!

You know, I could help Billy until he gets the hang of it.

You know, some people have no willpower, no brains, no vision.

You know, the... the thing about ethics...

You know, yeah. Pick it up and gimme...

You lookin' hot tonight!

You made a fool out of me. This was a mistake from the beginning.

You never leave me open, son, cos I'm gonna hit it every time.

You oughta start cutting your underwear before you get to school. So it rips easier.

You pass every grade before June 15 and you take over instead of Eric.

You probably don't remember me, but I went to high school with you.

You ready to cooperate with me?

You remain one point ahead.

You see, Ernie, grown ups like to go out with other grown ups.

You still don't think he's gonna make it?

You want some more of that? I didn't think so!

You want some of this?

You were brought up with every advantage. I bought you everything.

You, me, Jack and Frank...

You're gonna get us in trouble.

You're gonna give the company to Eric? He is a bad, bad man!

You're humiliating yourself! Get up!

You're on. Carl, you make the arrangements.

You're out!

You're out! O'Doyle rules!

You've been invited here today to witness the tenth and final event...

You've got a banana. You don't need no Snack Pack.

Z... Z...

Z... Z...

69!

1066.

1215?

1466?

1514?

1588.

1981? 1986?

..and straighten yourself out. I don't believe that.

..as the Revolting Blob. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

..I could've enjoyed them with you. I'm sorry.

..is gonna take over Madison Hotels. Eric?!

(phone rings ) Yes.

(secretary ) Brian Madison for you. Tell him I'm out to lunch.

(student ) Nice shirt. Yeah. Yep.

~ But together we shall overcome ~ Overcome

And why is that? Because you're a loser.

Are you in loser denial or something? I had a bad case of loser denial myself.

Are you OK? Yeah.

Billy is not an idiot. I'm not saying he's an idiot.

Billy is on the right track. He's on track all right.

Billy, what has happened to you? We're gonna go on a date.

Can everyone say hello to Billy? Hello, Billy.

Carl, what does that mean? Uh... I don't know.

Cheese. Correct.

Come on, Billy, you know that... Talky, talky, talky.

Couch. Couch.

Do you know where the bathroom is? Second door on the left.

Donkey Kong sucks. You know somethin'? You suck.

Go sit down now. Yes.

Good morning, class. Good morning, Miss Vaughn.

He can't even read. Cut it out, dude.

Hey, Carl, what's up? Nothing much, Billy.

Hey, what's with Ernie? I don't know. I'll be right back.

Hey. How you doin'? Let's involve the class.

Hi. How you doin'? Fine.

Hi. Is this Danny McGrath? Yeah.

How many people work for Madison? 61,000 and change.

How's high school, Billy? Yeah, how's high school?

I believed in Billy all along, sir. Cut the horseshit!

I demand a new question. Take it easy, psycho.

I fell asleep by the pool for a few hours. Did you fall asleep or did you pass out?

I gotta go, OK? OK.

I had an accident. An accident. What does that mean?

I have to go to the bathroom. Probably about two minutes.

I see you got a little sun today. You think so?

I'll get my diploma all by myself. Billy, Billy, it wasn't just high school.

I'll give you a grown up. What was that, Ernie?

It's a deal. (whispers ) I know it was you.

Jeez, that was a great game. Yeah.

Jeez! What's up her butt? What was that, Billy?

Let's do it. Is that all right with you, Daddy?

Look! She came! And she came too.

Lordy. Billy Madison.

Max, are you OK? Yeah. Yeah, I'm OK.

Maybe later. I'll go put some beer in a bucket.

Meg Ryan. Go.

Miss Vaughn! Somebody stole all our lunches.

Next week you'll be in ninth grade. Yeah, high school.

Nice talkin' to you, Billy. (singsong gibberish )

No, you didn't. Rock.

No! Just do it!

No. Then I'll see your ass in court.

OK. Hey there, Mr Graduate. How's it goin'?

OK. I double dare you.

Or she's got somethin' up her ass. That's what I said.

Peace! I'm outta here! (cheering )

Penguin? What an idiot.

Poor Billy. I'm so depressed.

R o c k! The C is silent.

Really? Yes!

Scotty Logan? Here.