The Toxic Avenger (1985) Edit

A hero!

A lot of good things coming too you in the future.

A pair of knuckles.

A rash? You mean acne?

Aah! I'm gonna kick that freak's mouth in!

Aah! She's stressing me, Slug! Julie is stressing me, Slug!

Achoo!

Ah, can you tell me, sir,

Ah, what?

Ah! How dare you talk to me, you twerp!

All day babbling about some seven foot monster.

All that beautiful blood!

All we're going to find is a bunch of mosquitoes biting my fuckin' asshole!

Alright, already. Alright. Will you chill out?

Alright, everybody!

Alright, I'll do it myself!

Alright.

Also a member of the PTA. She had two fine sons.

And afterward we can take a cool dip.

And be careful out there.

And everyday I go out and I mash people.

And faster and faster.

And he's got a bimbo with him!

And I want you to do me a favor. Kill that bastard for me! You got it?

And keep me as a hostage, huh?

And last but not least, yours truly Frank.

And sensitive and kind.

And she had a police record a mile long.

And she had a police record a mile long.

And she's wearing a bikini! Wow!

And the bitch got a dog.

And the jail's are becoming overcrowded.

And the next time you're in danger or in need to help,

And then of nowhere comes this thing, this monster,

And they never know what hit 'em.

And up! Up! Up! Up!

And you can tell all your scum friends that things

Are going to change in this town!

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you sure she is blind, Frank?

As I've said, he's conducting a massive search

Aw, I didn't mean it.

Baaa.

Because if we don't kill him, he's going to kill us.

Because it took the three guys and threw them away.

Ben who!?

Boom! You should've seen it! His teeth was everywhere!

Boss says if he doesn't want to cooperate,

Boys like you here in the neighborhood.

Boys! Boys! Help!

Bozo, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, guys, come here.

But for all this industrial advancement, there is a price to pay.

But I don't know quite how to tell him.

But Puerto Ricans, they're worth thirty points.

But remember,

But us, little guys, are just not qualified to make these decisions.

But why would the mayor want to destroy something

But, Mr Mayor, you don't understand!

By the monster, I would have to answer your question. Ja.

Bye.

Can handle the situation in Tromaville?

Captain, have your men fire!

Capture it? Well, I was thinking the very same thing.

Capture, my ass!

Chief, it was unbelievable. It had an eye up over here,

Chief, look. Our monster made a little bit of a mistake.

Chief, what have you got?

Civilization is guided by men of progress and the wonders of technology.

Clancy, you will do as you're told or you'll find yourself

Come in, don't be shy.

Come on, boys.

Come on, let's go tell the chief! I'm going to get me a medal for this!

Come on, now. Come on!

Come on. Come on! Come on!

Compliments of me, Cigar Face!

Could you take me out of here, please?

Did you see her face when I punched her?

Do exactly what I do.

Do it, Melvin, do it!

Do it?

Do you like Mexican food, little baby?

Do you think I look inconspicuous enough?

Do you think you can get them out?

Don't hurt me! I'm too young to die!

Don't shoot him! Don't shoot!

Don't worry. Don't worry, I won't hurt you.

Don't you think you're being a bit hasty?

Drop your tacos or I'll blow your brains out!

Dumb mop boy can't even mop right.

Easy, guy.

Entire being was changed by toxic chemical waste.

Every year, millions of gallons of poisonous wastes,

Everybody's had acne at one time or another.

Everyone says he's an honest cop.

Everyone that know her, loved her.

Everything is wrong.

Ew! P U! What's that stink?

Exactly where did it happen?

Fat! Fat!

Fine, just fine.

Fine, thank you.

Fine, we'll move in and wipe him out.

Fire!

Fire!

For the monster right now.

For your information, everyone knows Monster Prefer Blondes!

From the Garden State State Cerebral Reflex Research Center.

From the ladies and gentlemen of the press.

From traces that have been found on the scenes

Full points, my man!

Garbage, and radioactive chemicals are disposed of in nearby towns

Gary! Gary!

Gary?

Gee, that's funny. I don't smell nothing.

Gentlemen, I think we have a deal.

Get away from me!

Get away from me!

Get back! Get back! Step off! Get back!

Get him Nipples, yeah!

Get him!

Get out of here, you pervert!

Girls' locker room?

Give it to me! Give it to me! More! More!

Give me that! Gibe me that!

God, my arms! Ow! Ow!

Going up?

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

Good.

Good. It's a date. See you then.

Got to go to church.

Great!

Great! Let's say 7 o'clock.

Great! What is it?

Gruesome, huh?

Ha ha!

Harry! What have you done to my dog?

Have developed a very basic instinct which draws him,

Have I got a plan to fix that mop boys wagon.

Have we gotten anything out of him yet?

Have you ever met my mother in law?

He is stressing me, Julie!

He is stressing me!

He must still be in shock. All he does is sit around

He said the place is ours until tomorrow morning.

He saved my life! He doesn't deserve to die!

He took his best girl out last night and he came home

He's always got that shit eating grin on his face.

He's definitely a menace, Miss Fink. Right now there's a massive

He's never hurt anybody!

He's so immature.

He's so stupid!

He's still moving, no way you get full points.

He's still there, swerve it again! Swerve it again!

Heel. Come on.

Hello, Mr. Governor, how are you, sir?

Help me! Oh, please open up! Help me!

Help, boys! Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help! Help! Help!

Here to better living through chemistry.

Here, among the towering skysc****rs,

Here.

Hey Joey, you remember that dope we were snorting last week?

Hey, don't worry, I won't hurt you. Come on, I'll help you up.

Hey, don't worry, I won't hurt you. Come on, I'll help you up.

Hey, Frank, teeny boppers!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's alright. I'm not going to hurt you.

Hey, how would you like to be behind the wheel

Hey, I got a great idea.

Hey, I just came to apologize. Yes, I didn't mean to be so nasty yesterday.

Hey, I know. Would you like me to tell your fortune?

Hey, knucklehead! How about some nice young poontang, huh?

Hey, Leroy, you know I always did want to cornhole me a blind bitch.

Hey, look, pal, why don't you just let everyone go

Hey, stop that! My boyfriend won't like that!

Hey, the boss'll have our asses.

Hey, this one's cute, Frank.

Hey, Tom.

Hey, wait a minute. I think this bitch is blind.

Hey, what are you doing, blondie?

Hey, what are you doing? Don't do that!

Hey, who do you think you're pushing?

Hey, why don't you leave her alone?

Hey, you know. I think you ought to work a little bit on your gut.

Hey, you! In the alley!

Hi, can we help?

Hi, guys. Well, Melvin fell for it. Hook line and sinker.

Hi, Melvin.

Hmm. Let me see. You're going to have

Hold on a second, I think I see something.

Holy cow! We can't let him die!

Holy shit!

Holy shit! It's the monster!

Holy shit! Why didn't you say so.

Honest cops are all alike! A bunch of fuckin' fagots!

How are the boys?

How dare you discuss my son's life or death like this.

How much is a kid on a bicycle?

Huh?

Huh?

I beat that old lady like a dog!

I bet you're very strong.

I can't get him off the car, Slug! I can't get him off!

I can't take it! I cannot take this, Slug!

I can't take it. I cannot take it Julie. He is screwing up my karma!

I can't talk about here with all these people around.

I didn't do anything to the dog, but listen...

I didn't mean it!

I don't either.

I don't got no fat! There's no fat here. I don't got no f...

I don't know what came over me.

I don't know what it was but, but God bless him, 'cause he saved my life.

I don't know what they are.

I don't like the way this is going sargent.

I don't think its safe for you to be around me.

I don't think old Clancy will take the money.

I got todayfs receipts from the drug division. Ha ha!

I gotta drive, Slug! I gotta drive!

I hate that mop boy.

I have my pink on.

I have the utmost regard for the chief, and his department.

I hear the monster is so big.

I know how you feel, Johnny, he saved my life too.

I know.

I know. The reds are so red! Really get me hot!

I lose my business license. If I lose my business license,

I love it when we go real fast.

I love the sound of breaking bones!

I never seen anything like it before.

I owe you for the other night, monster fagot!

I paid Tony 15 bucks.

I read palms. Give me your hand.

I tear them apart and I can't stop.

I think he's in trouble.

I think I'm out of control.

I think that creep is coming over here.

I want this thing found and I want this thing killed!

I want to do it again! I want to do it again!

I want us to do something!

I was hoping you'd say that, so we can kill it.

I wish we could go somewhere.

I'd be dead right now if it wasn't for the monster!

I'd better get my cane.

I'll be right back.

I'll feel better when we get to the campsite.

I'll get you for this, you monster faggot!

I'll give you 10%, anything, just leave alone!

I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to kill him.

I'm going to enjoy this!

I'm going to kill it! I'm going to kill it! I'm going to kill it!

I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget!

I'm Melvin's mother. He's a good boy.

I'm not just another pretty face!

I'm really the monster hero you heard about.

I'm right here, Melvin. Come here.

I'm sorry, Julie. I didn't mean to do it. He was sitting there and I...

I'm sorry!

I'm telling ya, these guys were going to kill us.

I'm waiting for my boyfriend.

I've got a pizza with the works to go, Jimmy.

I've never done anything like this before.

If he don't take the dough, I'm gonna give him a blow.

If I kick my left foot, you kick your left foot.

If I kick my right foot, you kick your right foot.

If it ever gets out to the press we're sunk.

If you put on your pink, I'll take off my pink.

If you want to shoot my son, you'll have to shoot me first!

If you want to, bad enough.

In fact, I don't like to go out with him anymore.

In fact, I was hoping you could help me,

In fact, Melvin, I think you're handsome,

In fact, she can a head of an international white slavery ring.

In there around that time anyway.

Instead of trying to kill him, shouldn't we be trying

Is anything the matter?

Is he a menace or a miracle?

Is here to protect the people.

Is it true that the monster only attacks bad people?

Is peanut butter and jelly, okay?

It happened in Shinbone Alley.

It is also highly probable that this monster may

It is not a human being. It is an it. You kill an it.

It is our destiny to follow the orders!

It was the strangest thing I ever saw in my life.

It's me, Sarah. Only me.

It's not that. It's just that I have a rash on my face.

It's okay, Mom. Kids.

Ja!

Ja. Ja. Since only bad, evil people have been destroyed

Julie, does it count if I graze them?

Julie, you smell something?

Julie.

Julie. Julie, the points. The rules, what are they?

Just 20 feet from the reservoir for the entire area.

Just one life for the whole town!

Keep it up, Bozo. Keep it up.

Kill him!

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please.

Leave me alone! Look, I'll make you a deal!

Let go of me!

Let me out Let me out! Please, someone help me!

Let me see if I can remember the whole list.

Let me see your other hand.

Let this be a lesson to you, hot ass!

Let's go, let's do it this time. Okay! Let's get the music! 5, 6, 7, and hey, hey...

Let's go!

Let's pull it over!

Let's pull this rig over and take a break.

Let's take a closer look.

Listen, Johnny, you're just a kid.

Listen, you asshole, how many times are you going to

Look at him! Wow, oh my God!

Look how cute she is, Frank.

Look how many times do I have to tell you people?

Look what you did, you fucking asshole!

Look who we got here! A little mother, and a littler baby.

Maybe we'll have to take care of that wimp of a boyfriend, huh?

Mayor Peter Bellgoode will now take questions

Mayor, Mayor!

Mayor! Mayor! Mayor!

Melvin, clean up the toilet, it stinks over here!

Melvin, dear, are you alright?

Melvin, dear, are you alright?

Melvin, is that you?

Melvin!

Melvin!

Melvin!

Melvin!

Melvin!

Melvin! Ah!

Melvin! Melvin!

Melvin!?

Melvin?

Melvin?

Melvin. Melvin, it's okay. It's okay.

Melvin's entire life, in fact

Melvin's on fire! Melvin's on fire!

Monster, they aught to give him a medal, not kill him.

Mops... It must be some sort of political statement. Do we have any suspects?

Mr. Fred! Mr. Fred, what's wrong with this thing!?

Mr. mayor, please, please, think of what you are doing!

Mr. Mayor?

Mrs Haskel, how are you?

Mrs. Haskel was a member of our community for over 30 years.

Mrs. Haskel.

Mrs. Haskel. Mrs. Haskel, what are you doing back there?

Murderer!

My car! They're putting a ticket on my car!

My first day on the force and I'm chasing monsters!

My lips are waiting for you, Melvin.

My little Melvin! He must have finally reached puberty.

Nah, the whole town is suspect. Knuckles and Nipples were hated by everyone.

Nein, nein. Bad news, Mayor,

New York City, the world capital of culture and industry.

Next time you fuck with me, I'm gonna take this mop and shove it down your throat.

No Dickie here. No washie.

No offense.

No way, huh? No way? I'll fucking show you no way.

No way! The kid's still moving!

No way. You're wasting your time.

No, I can't let you do it! He's a hero. I can't let you do it! I can't let you do it!

No, I can't.

No, I won't do it.

No, it's not what you've done. It's what I've done.

No, no I can't. I've got to go home.

No, no!

No, you lied to me!

No!

No!

No!

No! Ah, get away from me!

No! I want them not to kill the monster.

No! No, take me home! No, take me home!

No. That's where you're wrong.

No... No, no, please! Please, oh God, please.

Not by me. They were our two best producers.

Now I want this thing shot and I want you to shoot to kill!

Now if you all do just what we tell you,

Now kick! Out! Out! Out!

Now kids under twelve they're worth double points.

Now on shotgun, we've got my man Leroy.

Now that's contaminated, but valuable waterfront property.

Now we're going to waste you!

Now we're gonna get 'em.

Now you get full points!

Now you're going to find out why they call me Cigar Face.

Now, boys, what have we got here?

Now, ****, whops, ******s and chinks,

Now, that's gruesome

Of a beautiful Japanese import?

Of campers humping each other. Come on, let's go home!

Of the crime, and analyzed, we have determined

Officer O'Clancy, take care of this toxic waste.

Oh my feet!

Oh my God!

Oh, he a cute little boy, isn't he?

Oh, he's got your Mama with him!

Oh, I hope they don't hurt the monster.

Oh, Julie! Julie! Oh, Julie! I'm here!

Oh, look at all those men!

Oh, Melvin, I find you irresistible.

Oh, Melvin. I couldn't leave you now. I love you, Melvin.

Oh, my God! They're calling in the National Guard!

Oh, oh!

Oh, Slug!

Oh, Slug!

Oh, sure!

Oh, that would be good!

Oh, that's okay, Julie. I didn't really mind.

Oh, what a feeling, today!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Oh, you sure can.

Oh!

OK, sis.

OK. I'll be right there!

Okay guys, you know what I'm talking about?

Okay, alright, but come on, let's go out the back way.

Okay, lads. Get these kids out of there!

Okay, Mrs. Haskel, let's see what we can do with these stains.

Okay, you motherfucker!

Okay! Turn on the light!

Okay? Now how about we start again? You're gonna do exactly what I'm doing.

Okay? Whatever I do, you do exactly the same thing.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. That'll be good for me, too, 'cause I gotta to clean the toilets

On cash register we've got magic fingers, Rico!

One. Two.

Only twelve years old, and only twelve dollars!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Oops! Sorry.

Open up please, open up!

Or I'll kill ya!

Our story takes place at the Tromaville Health Club

Out of the way!

Out pretty late, aren't you, honey?

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

People can't go around doing things just because they're right.

Please don't hurt me!

Please, don't give me a ticket! Please, don't give me a ticket!

Please, no! You can't do this to me!

Please!

Please!

Please.

Please. I'll never make it by myself without my dog.

Pollution. The unavoidable byproduct of today's society.

Pull that Elephant Man joke?

Pushing people around all the time.

Put me down! I didn't do anything!

Question! Question! Are you certain, Mr. Mayor,

Quiet!

Quiet!

Rack 'em up!

Relax. You want a drink?

Rico, get the cash register!

Right over there.

Right?

Run! Run!

Sara!

Sarah!

Sarah!

Sarah!

Sarah!

Say your prayers, copper!

Say, Leroy, I think she likes you.

Search underway to find the thing and destroy it.

See what you did, you idiot? See what you did!?

She's not here with car and I've got to drive.

She's waiting for her boyfriend.

Shit...

Shoot it!

Shoot them! You shoot!

Should we break out the heavy weapons?

Shoved down your throat?

Show me your pretty pictures!

Shut up!

Shut up! It was self defense.

Shut your fuckin' mouth!

Silence! Silence! The orders have been given!

Skippy, don't forget your helmet.

Slug, are you sure no one will come in?

Slug, can I come again next time you and Bozo go driving?

Slug, I'm going to die!

Slug, there's that thing again!

Slug, will you stop with that Elephant Man bullshit.

Slug!

So now we're going to give you six new assholes,

So the good citizens could live their lives in peace and happiness.

So, what was it that you wanted me to help you with?

Sorry, huh?

Sorry, madam.

Speaking of which, I almost forgot.

Stand aside.

Stay away from me! Stay away from me!

Stay away from me! Stay away from me! Help!

Stuffed in their mouths.

Such as Tromaville, the toxic waste dumping capital of the world.

Sure. But it was a pink elephant, too.

Swerve the car, Bozo! Swerve the car!

Talk to you soon. Goodbye, sir.

Tent's in the clearing, Mayor. My troops have it surrounded.

Thank you so much. Oh, it's so nice to have you

That alleyway was the most gruesome sight I have ever seen.

That does more good than the entire police force?

That monster saved my life. He's done a lot of good for this town.

That new camera really captures the moment!

That old lady was hardly a pillar of the community.

That the chief Himmel and the police department

That whatever it is, this monster has been exposed

That's an idea, ainft it, Frank?

That's me.

That's really pitiful. Just stop. Just stop a second.

That's why he's the mayor.

That's why I need your help.

That's wonderful!

The boss is going to have him by the balls.

The boys made their rounds last night and here is the collection.

The car driving over them, dragging their bodies.

The coast is clear, Bozo.

The dogs got a scent!

The little people think he's done a lot for this town.

The local authorities can no longer handle the situation.

The mayor has notified the governor and he's prepared

The minute he comes out, kill him.

The monster has been sighted in a field near Miller farm.

The National Guard?

The old Rawlins Chemical Plant as the new toxic waste dump site.

The public won't stand for it.

The public won't stand for it.

The victim killed in the dry cleaners, Mrs, ah, Haskel.

There is only one muscle you gotta worry about.

There's a feeling going around town that this monster

There's a feeling going around town that this monster

There's a place for you on your left.

There's an innocent girl in there with him!

There's one other little thing, Melvin.

These are gonna be the best shots we've ever taken.

These are great!

These kids are right.

These three guys were going to kill me, see.

They looked like Chiclets!

They want us to take him alive, not kill him.

They're all worth twenty five points.

They're going to kill him!

They're just standing there and yeah.

This guy is drunk.

This monster has cleaned the streets of every criminal.

This monster may have developed a very basic instinct,

Those boys are such terrors. Especially Scott.

Those men killed my dog! They shot my dog!

Three. Four. Five.

To capture him, bring him in, study him?

To destroy evil.

To give us all the assistance we need.

To toxic chemical waste.

Tom. Tom, is he dead?

Twenty eight points if you get both the kid and the bike?

Two prime candidates.

Uh, Miss Fink.

Wait a minute. Have I got a great idea, Melvin.

Wait, let me see!

Walking a beat in the city dump!

Watch what I'm doing here. Watch how I hit this ball.

We ain't going to find no monster out here,

We brought you a little present from the boss.

We can kill him now with no flack from anybody.

We got him!

We have to leave these decisions up to the mayor

We hit them!

We keep getting closer and closer.

We should make love to him.

We should speak out! Do something!

We think he's still asleep.

We think it's a crime to let that property go to waste as a dump.

We were only kidding.

We'll give you our money, if you want money.

We'll go down by the pool.

We're gonna find that bastard, now. Come on. Come on, girl!

We're gonna kill him! We're gonna get him!

We're not finished yet!

We's make everything alright. Just let me introduce you to Ben.

We've been driving for two whole hours.

Well, cough them up!

Well, How'd you like to have this hot tamale

Well, I bet he's got his eye on me.

Well, if it ain't, Cigar Face. What are you and your friends up to?

Well, maybe I'm going to be your boyfriend, baby!

Well, we could try it.

Well, whatever the boss says, goes.

Well...

What about Cigar Face?

What about that spot near Millers farm that you told me about?

What are you doing to me? I've never felt like this before.

What big hands you have.

What do you say, shall I blow his nose off or what?

What do you want?

What is it?

What the hell are we going to do about this monster, eh?

What the matter, Clancy?

What the...?

What your administration stance in regards to this alleged monster?

What?

What's he so happy about?

What's her background? What do we know about her?

What's the matter? You can't take a joke?

When we lay this wad on, old Clancy.

Where a young man named Melvin Furd works.

Where I can't kill anybody.

Where?

Who is that?

Who's there?

Whoa, put your arms around me.

Why don't you have a seat?

Why don't you meet me in the girls locker room?

Why, Melvin, you're beautiful. You're a beautiful person.

With a little problem. I've been having.

With these stains, all over his pants.

With this radioactive chemical waste we got on the back.

Would like you like something to eat?

Would you mind if I touched your face?

Would you take a look at that fucking guy?

Yeah, and it would've been double if it wasn't for this

Yeah, and the only other clue we've got are those mops,

Yeah, it's going to be nice.

Yeah, Melvin. What's up, guys?

Yeah, over here. Tom, the zoning board has designated

Yeah, some far away place. Where there are no people.

Yeah, sure, Frank.

Yeah, the bitch is blind.

Yeah, this is fun!

Yeah, you fucking asshole!

Yeah, you see, I'm so sick of the way he goes around

Yeah, you want her to go and get a fucking disease?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's it. It's nothing to worry about

Yes, capture would be fine. Uh huh. Well, thank you, Governor.

Yes, I think so. My dog!

Yes, mein fuhrer. Mein mayor!

Yes, Mr. Leonard?

Yes, Mr. Williams?

Yes. Then we can discuss it alone.

Yo, Leroy, you want to walk this damn dog!

Yoohoo! Mr. Wilson!

You are surrounded!

You can't do that, Mayor. I've rechecked with headquarters

You can't give me a ticket! You can't give me a ticket! I have to go to a funeral...

You can't go around dry cleaning little old ladies

You don't see nothing but a couple

You got to destroy them! Bozo, I want them dead.

You in the tent, come out with your hands up!

You just might, just might get your asses home all intact.

You know customers are not allowed on that machine.

You know he don't want us to stop in habitated areas

You know who this is? It's Melvin, that's who it is!

You leave now!

You said that was a very special place.

You said you were going to take me to see the David Bowie concert!

You scared me. Is something wrong?

You see, you're blind, Sara. You don't know who I am.

You shouldn't be ashamed of acne.

You touch me again and I'll kill you!

You wanna meet my friend, Ben?

You want me to speak up? If I speak up,

You want the wheel? Here, take the wheel!

You're getting a little bit flabby there.

You're going to become a very important man.

You're not wearing pink.

You're so muscular. It's been two years since I've touched a man.

You're so soft, Julie.

You're wasting our time.

You've got to stay here.

You've stressed Bozo!

Your in charge, Pete. Come on, give the orders!

Your mom give you quarters for video games?

490... 491... 492...

493... 494... 495...

And bring your mop. I will!

and the police chief. That's right.

But this is sissy stuff. Oh, no, Melvin. Pink makes me so hot.

Do I? Well, buddy boy. Check this out.

Hey, what are you, retarded? Huh? Retarded?

Hi, Melvin. Hi, Julie.

I love pink! Hurry up, I'll be waiting for you.

I'm coming with you. No, you're not.

It does. Yes.

Julie? Here I am, Melvin.

Me? Yes.

Pink? It's my favorite color.

They found the monster! He's at the Miller Farm!

Well, it's about Bozo. Bozo?

Who is it? It's me, Ma. Melvin.

Who, me? Yes but...

Wow! Wow!

Yeah, let's do it again! Yeah, let's go for it again!

Yeah. Alright.

Yeah. No, thanks.