Bruce Almighty (2003) Edit

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

A hair net? Health department.

A little less fight and a little more spark

A password.

A potential scandal with the Buffalo P. D. surfaced today,

A teenager who says no to drugs

Adiós. Adiós.

Ah, Bruce! He's the favorite.

Ah, geez! Thank you. Thank you again.

Ah, what's this joker doing now?

AII right. Give it to me.

AII this conversation ain't satisfactioning me

All of mankind.

All right, kids. Everybody inside. Time to go inside.

All right. Fine. Do with it what you will. l don't care.

All right. Get ready to pull the plug. Come on, baby. Say something.

All right. l got a pulse. All right. Let's set him up.

All right. l'll tell you what. Today is the 1 56th anniversary of the Maid of the Mist.

All right. Lord, l need a miracle.

All right. Now, get it straight here.

All right. That's it! That's it!

All right. What is this?

All right. You know what? Just forget it. Let's just forget it.

All righty then.

All sprinkled with the love and support of our good families.

All strangely from the BuffaIo area.

All the greatest anchors have had their own signature sign off,

All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me

All you have to do is find the crease, right around here.

ALL: Be the miracle!

ALL: Be the miracle. That's right.

ALLY: They want you close to the falls. BRUCE: Really?

Am l A. B. negative or am l. . . l don't know what you are anymore.

Am l. . .

And as you said,

And bring peace to

And complete set of dental records.

And do the cutesy stuff? The lighter side of the news?

And doomsayers are pointing to Iast week's strange celestial events

And Evan is loving it, by the way. Loving it.

And every angle has its merit

And good luck with the apocalypse.

And he saw that it was good.

And he told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our entire lives.

And here's what's making news.

And in other. . .

And it's a void only he can fill

And it's. . . Sorry. You're like this.

And l do the cha cha like a sissy girl.

And l felt like my boobs were bigger.

And l got to go.

And l just thought l'd let you go

And l just thought that you would know

And l just thought that you would know

And l think, in a lot of ways, a great city is like a great recipe, really.

And l won't forget you when l go national. Uh, can you. . .

And l'm Evan Baxter, and here's what's making news.

And live to talk about it, son.

And my tiny little nipples went to France.

And now back to the news. Bruce.

And now, BuffaIo's number one news team.

And now, Buffalo's number one news team.

And quite frankly, l'm tired of it. Wait. Don't come near me.

And that's the way it was. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

And that's the way the cookie crumbles!

And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

And that's the way the cookie crumbles.

And that's the way. . . l like it. . .

And the cookie is 1 0 feet, four inches.

And the ends of your hair...

And the occasional sugar induced coma that follows.

And the worId as we know it may be coming to an end.

And then maybe two big bags of cash. Then. . . Then l'll be happy.

And use it as wallpaper. No, no, no.

And we couId think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter.

And what about the voices in my head?

And who can forget that cIassic, Bruce So Horny, He Love You Long Time.

And will be transported to a medical facility,

And yes to an education, that's a miracle.

And you can't mess with free will.

And you keep ignoring them, they're gonna build up on you like that.

And you pick your favorites.

And you thought, like, Susan's mouth was the phone?

ANSWERING MACHINE: Hey, this is Bruce, Grace and Sam...

Anybody with a brain stem can tell that

Anyway, here's the deal.

Anyway, l'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom. Tell me.

Apparently, it wasn't working out with Evan,

Are we gonna do this again? No. We can cut to B roll.

Are you guys leaving?

Are you ready for a miracle?

Are you ready for a miracle? lt's ready to set you free

Are you ready for a miracle? Yes

Are you ready to go back out there?

Are you ready, are you ready Yes, l am

Are you ready?

Are you ready? Ready

Are you spying on me?

As everyone knows, after 33 years, our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.

As in a bizarre twist, the body was found buried with a birth certificate

As l do now

As signs that prophesy is now being fulfilled

As you can see behind us, the body is being carefully exhumed,

B E A utiful.

B E A utiful.

Baked by Gladys Pelsnick.

Barry, help me out here.

Bathroom. House. House. Bathroom. Bathroom. House.

Be careful what you wish for, punk.

Be fruitful and do long division or something.

Because of the fast response, the toxic chemicals were cleaned up without incident.

Because the life you save could be mine.

Because the Sabres have won their first championship in 22 years!

Bedroom? Five minutes.

Believe me, you don't want that kind of attention.

Besides, they stockpile this stuff in a warehouse somewhere.

Bigger? Oh, come on ! Look at them !

Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now.

Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now.

Bingo! Yahtzee! ls that your final answer?

Bless you. Bless all of you.

Blood's supposed to stay inside the body. That's where it's meant to be.

Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away.

Bruce NoIan here aboard the Maid of the Mist

Bruce NoIan was the first on the scene. BRUCE: Thank you, Jane.

Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as. . .

Bruce Nolan,

Bruce Nolan. l'm Bruce No lan !

Bruce, 30 seconds to air. Okay. Okay.

Bruce, l'm God.

Bruce, we're gonna keep your story in reserve.

Bruce, why don't you sit down? Okay.

Bruce, you have a divine spark.

Bruce, you promised you would help with this album.

BRUCE: Don't rush yourself.

BRUCE: God. Yeah. Let's thank God. Shall we?

BRUCE: Keep going, Tony! You're great! Oh, God.

BRUCE: l hear all that stuff winds up in a warehouse somewhere.

BRUCE: Oh, it's not real. lt's not real.

Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.

Bruce. Jack. Jack! Hear me out here.

Bruce. What?

Buenos días. Buenos días.

Buffalo's number one police dog on the job.

But before we go live to Bruce, we have an announcement to make.

But desperate times calls for desperate measures.

But Evan always does live feeds.

But for your own protection, l cannot discuss it at this time.

But he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm !

But it's just noise. l can't understand them.

But l want you to understand it was not my decision to let you go.

But not me, Bruce. Just give me the boat.

But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?

But this is exactly what happened to Susan Ortega

But today, in honor of their 30th anniversary,

But we're gonna go with Evan's piece,

But what are we really looking at here?

But what if l need you. What if l have questions?

But what they don't realize is they have the power.

But why?

By making Buffalo's largest cookie, and you have to wear this.

By what they're describing as unusual lunar activity.

Bye. Have fun.

Can l have your wish now? l'm gonna put it in the wish jar. Thank you.

Can we get Vol a tissue or a spoon?

Channel 5 News.

Clap on ! Clap on ! Clap on !

Coffee? Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah.

Come back with my bubble gum machine!

Come on ! Let me see a little wrath.

Come on ! Look! What is that? What is that?

Come on, Bruce. Say something.

Come on, Grace. Come to the party.

Come on, man. Calm down.

Come on. Let's go back inside and have a shit.

Come on. Let's have a talk.

Come on. Start!

Come on. TeII me. MARY: lf l told you, it might not come true.

Come on. What are you doing?

Congratulations, Evan. Thanks, Susan. l'm thrilled and honored.

Congratulations.

Cool. Tell you what.

Creepy. Needles. Yuck.

Cross pollination between tulips and daisies.

Cue the cheesy inspirational music!

Cut the feed. Go to black.

Dallas Coleman, weather.

Damaged by the ensuing electrical surge.

Dear God, please help Bruce find himself, find contentment, find you.

Dear God, please help Bruce. He seems to be struggling.

DEBBIE: SmaII Wonders Day Care. Grace?

DEBBlE: Was this Bruce's idea?

Did you guys already play the spots? lt's a nice story, Bruce,

Disfrute un buen café. Gracias, señor.

Do That To Bruce One More Time.

Do you like jazz, Evan? Yeah.

Do your thing.

Don't get mad at the dog. lt's not the dog's fault.

Don't make this about you. About me?

Don't put that in your mouth. That's paste, honey.

Doompah. Oh, geez.

Duh.

Enjoying your party?

Evan, when l know something, you'll know something.

Evan. Bruce.

Evan's gonna get that anchor job, l just know it.

Every day would be the first day of spring

Every heart would have a new song to sing

Every man wouId be as free as a bird

Every voice would be a voice to be heard

Everything you've ever said or done or thought about doing,

Excuse me. l need a sp. . .

Eyewitness Nose. Okay, and clear.

Feed's good, Jack.

Feeling pretty vulnerable too.

Figures!

Files.

Find Grace Connelly.

Find Grace, then Bruce.

Find out tonight after the game.

First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber. . .

Five seconds to the open. This is it.

For at least 24 hours before l stir it into the chili.

For his blessings are raining down upon me.

For someone just like you make me feel the way you do

For three decades, the Kowolski family bakery

Forever and ever yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Forget something?

Fred Donohue, sports, Dallas Coleman, weather.

From a very reliable friend of a friend of a girl,

Getting, getting getting kind of heavy

GIRL: Now I Iay me down to sleep.

GIRL: PIease bIess my mommy, my daddy and especially my little sister.

GIRL: Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen.

Go ahead. Take your best shot. Actually, l. . .

Go ahead. Use them.

Go home smelling to high heaven at the end of the day.

Go to black. l'm on it.

Go to the bathroom, please. Wash out your mouth. Wash off your hands.

God !

God gave me everything I want, now, come on

God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill

God, l swear that kid is gonna poop an ornament.

Good boy. There are girls in the house, huh?

Good dream. No. No.

Good grief. ls that what l'm driving?

Good luck with that. l'm gonna go now.

Good work. l'm impressed.

Grace left me.

Grace might notice. l know. Prayer Post lts!

Grace, please, none of this seems right without you.

Grace, this is so weird. l was just calling you.

GRACE: He said he wanted me to have a day of beauty and luxurious serenity.

GRACE: l'm in the shower!

GRACE: Thank God you're all right.

Grace!

Grace.

Grace.

Grace.

Grace. Yes.

Grace. You want her back?

Great choice, Jack. This is the Cadillac of bolognas.

Great. Fred.

Has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo,

Has just hit ground right outside the Mark Twain Chili Cook Off.

Have you completely lost your mind?

He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to,

He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves, either, son.

He sends you all day to a beauty spa.

He's far too busy giving Evan everything he wants.

He's taking you to the most romantic restaurant,

Heigh ho, Silver, away!

Hello, 555 01 23.

Hello?

Hello? Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

Hello? l need your help. Clap on. Clap on.

Help me forget.

Help me out here.

Helpful and lifesaving? No. lt's your blood. lt's blood.

Here's your soup.

Hey, Bruce. Hey.

Hey, did that monkey just come out your crack, man?

Hey, don't forget your parting gifts!

Hey, that's a pretty good idea.

Hey, there he is, the man of the hour!

Hey, try that. lt's an excellent year.

Hey, you forgot your things.

Hey!

Hey! Hank found something !

Hey! Hey! Look what the cat coughed up!

Hey. Check it out. Check it out. Hey. Check it out.

Hey. How was that? That was great.

Hi, baby.

Hi, Bruce. Oh, hi, Susan.

Hi, Susan. Hi, Jack.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Sorry. Debbie forgot to take her meds today. Where are you?

Hoffa? What are the odds of that? What are the odds of that?

Hola, Juan Valdéz.

Hold that thought, Hazel !

Holy hell !

Holy sh. . . Cow.

Home

Honey, it was funny. lt made me laugh.

Honey, last night was just. . . Heavenly? l know. l know.

Honey, these flowers are really beautiful, but last night. . .

Honey. Hi. Wow.

How could l make this about me? lt's about you ! lt's always about you !

How did you get that? That's supposed to be in our private stash.

How did you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie?

How do l get to Room 7?

How do you know my father, and how did you get my pager number?

How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will?

How many now? Seven.

How many people have you helped?

How's that? Great.

If l'm talking about a donkey.

If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love Bruce.

In fabulous Niagara Falls, New York.

In the Gaza Strip today, as lsraelis and Palestinians. . .

Is there someone less talented than you reaping all the benefits?

It was a shootout on the ice for our home... Of course. They're my team.

It's the Iaw. l just did the hair. The hair is perfect.

Its dedicated and hardworking citizens the key ingredient,

Jack practically came out and told me. Practically?

Jack's throwing me a party Friday night

Jesus. Get out of there!

Just before they bumped her up.

Just for this occasion.

Just once more. Please? No. No.

Just once more. Please? No. No.

Just say the word, and I'II throw a Iasso around it and pull it down.

Just say you love me and you want me back.

Just the man l wanna see. Hey.

Just? Just get a clue!

Just. . . Debbie won the lottery. Oh, yeah? You're kidding.

Kind of bright, though. Yeah. lt is for most people.

Kind of. . . l'm not sure if she's. . .

Know what? Forget it.

Know what? Forget it.

L am a reasonable, sane human being with a .44 Magnum,

L am Bruce Almighty!

L am not being a martyr. l'm a victim.

L am.

L call them tu daisies.

L can hold that note all day, buddy. JACK: Knock it off, guys.

L did.

L didn't know this was so important to you. Me neither. Me neither.

L didn't say hole. lf l said ass. . . Wait! Wait!

L didn't think l would have. . . l'm sorry. Go on.

L didn't want to start you off with more than you could handle.

L don't know if you've lost it all up in here or what, but check this out, homie.

L don't know what l would have done.

L don't know what you want me to say.

L don't wanna be God.

L don't wanna hurt anymore. Please.

L don't wanna hurt you, but l will, out of instinct.

L don't wanna make you feel bad, but they're laughing at you.

L don't. . . l don't know if she. . . l don't know if she wants that or not.

L get it. Okay.

L got anchor.

L got sweeps, and l'm live.

L got to tell you. He is really impressing me lately.

L guess that's how life is, isn't it?

L had you going, Jackie. Don't even worry about it, old friend.

L have a rarey. . . Oh !

L have no bird. l have no bush. God has taken my bird and my bush.

L have no credibility. Not good. Not good.

L have to act like a total goof in order to make it work.

L have to say, l am so proud to be a part of our local community of Buffalo,

L hear their layouts can be quite tasteful. Give that to me right now!

L hope they're powerful.

L just came to tell you that l've been a royal prick.

L just figured l'd get your attention.

L know this seems kind of crazy,

L know. l created you.

L lika do the cha cha.

L like the Sabres. Coach prays a lot. Okay.

L lost 47 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet.

L love the stairs though. They were my second choice.

L made you grilled cheese. Ooh, my favey!

L mean, do they look bigger to you? Uh, what? Your. . . No.

L mean, l woke up this morning,

L mean, l'm ready for this. l just don't know if l would. . .

L mean, this is his last week.

L mean, this is his last week.

L miss you.

L myself, will have given blood twice this week.

L need a system. Something concrete. Concentrate!

L never saw it before, l swear!

L pray the Lord my soul to keep.

L pray the Lord my soul to take. What are you saying?

L really didn't come to chat, okay, Bruce? l came for Grace's stuff.

L righted a few wrongs in my own life first, okay?

L shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness.

L suppose you're here to gloat about the anchor position.

L surrender to your will !

L surrender! l surrender! l surrender.

L think it's really good. lt sucks.

L think l could help the world. The world?

L took care of a few things.

L took the first step. Jumped out on the ledge.

L tried to fight her off. l tried to stop her, but she's really strong.

L want her to be happy.

L want her to find someone

L want her to meet someone

L want you to decide what's right for me.

L want you to pray, son.

L was gonna help the others.

L was gonna wait until after the meal,

L was such an idiot. lt's okay.

L wish l'd written something. And now let's go live

L work in back. l see no smiles.

L'd call that a red letter day for any K 9 unit, but was that enough for old Hank here?

L'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Exclusive, Grace Connelly.

L'd rather take the elevator. Out of order.

L'll call you later, okay?

L'll drink to that. My tech stocks tripled in five days.

L'll give it all to you, babe

L'll give you the moon, Mary. I'II take it.

L'll have the worst day of my life

L'll never be an anchorman, not with this.

L'll see you on Channel 5, where they do the real news.

L'll see you through

L'm a very rare blood type. l'm A. B. positive.

L'm A. B. negative. l'm l. B. positive.

L'm A. B. positive. Really?

L'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!

L'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No. . .

L'm Bruce Nolan, and that's the way the cookie crumbles.

L'm deleting the program.

L'm desperate. l need your help, Lord.

L'm doing my first anchor tonight. Oh, wow! That's great!

L'm done!

L'm free on the seventh at 7:00.

L'm gonna be straight with you. We want you back, Bruce.

L'm gonna get right on it.

L'm gonna need a frigging miracle to get to work on time.

L'm just glad you're okay. Okay? News flash ! l'm not okay.

L'm just messing with you, Bruce.

L'm kidding with you, and you. . .

L'm not okay with a mediocre life!

L'm pushing 40, and what have l got to show for it?

L'm sorry, Jack.

L'm sorry.

L'm sorry. l'm so sorry. l'm sorry.

L'm sorry. We seem to be having some technical difficulties.

L'm starting to get desperate, man.

L'm the alpha, lady! l'm the omega, baby!

L'm the one.

L'm trying to fix a light. Tell me if it's working.

L'm undoing it. l'll be at Debbie's.

L've got the power

L've got the power

L've hit some kind of a ceiling here.

L've never seen the moon that big ! Yeah.

L've seen your outtakes. Jack, you will not regret this.

Last night, l was only human.

Let all prayers be organized into files.

Let me explain the rules. Rules?

Let there be light.

Let's do it.

Let's go over here, where the Kowolskis have baked a very special cookie

Let's have a talk with him, shall we? Come on in here, Bill.

Let's see.

Let's watch it one more time. Oh, no.

Lf this cookie beats Gladys's, it will prove once and for all

Lf you don't like it, megabyte me.

Lf you wanna be Miss America.

Like Wal ter Cron kite.

Live? That's great! Yeah ! lt's happening, hon.

Ln a way, l brought you here to offer you a job.

Ln fact, l think you'll find it quite pleasurable.

Ln international news, Japanese relief workers are staging a desperate effort

Ln other news, the prime minister of Sweden

Ln other news. . .

Ln other news. . .

Ln other news. . . Bloody hell !

Lnside, bad. Outside, good.

Look, Bruce. lt is not in my power to give you anchor.

Look, would it help if l just said that l was a complete ass?

Looking for another can of whoop ass?

Looks like my new co anchor may need a glass of water.

Lord, feed the hungry.

Lots of money and lots of stuff.

Love me. Love me!

Lower and debase myself for the amusement of total strangers?

Ls big chocolate sprinkle. But he shut store down.

Ls that part of the hilarity? No, those are prayers.

Ls that supposed to be funny?

Ls this heaven?

Ls your child in dire jeopardy?

Ls your name Bruce? Then do we have the job for you.

Lt is good to see what someone with talent can do,

Lt seems as if an asteroid or some kind of meteorite

Lt's 70 and sunny, and the perfect day to forgive Bruce.

Lt's a B E A utiful day, so come on down here.

Lt's a funny thing about pleasure.

Lt's a story about a cookie.

Lt's all frozen on ice, and they tell everybody there's a shortage.

Lt's getting pretty crazy out there.

Lt's good. lt's good !

Lt's good. lt's good.

Lt's good. lt's good.

Lt's good. lt's good.

Lt's her.

Lt's just this whole anchor thing opening up has got me nuts.

Lt's locked, and the keys are inside!

Lt's mayhem. l don't know what to do.

Lt's not important, right? lt's not important.

Lt's not important, right? lt's not important.

Lt's okay.

Lt's okay. l found one.

Lt's okay. We're back up.

Lt's perfect. She'll love it.

Lt's tomato. l made it myself.

Maid of the Mist? That's always live.

Making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live.

MAN 1 : Please help me, Lord. Please get me through this.

MAN 1 : Sabres! Sabres rule!

MAN 2: All l'm asking is would you help me?

MAN 2: Channel 7 fries!

MAN 2: Repent! The end is near! Repent!

MAN ON RECORDING: Denied that promotion at work? Is Iife unfair?

MAN ON TV: K TeI Records brings you the 1 00 greatest love songs of all time.

MAN ON TV: Nature's not doing it.

MAN: Bruce?

MAN: Got a rhythm.

MAN: Oh !

MAN: WeIcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00 with Susan Ortega,

MAN: WeIcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00, with Susan Ortega,

MAN: Yahweh!

May l? Certainly.

Maybe l'm just out of my mind

Might come in handy someday.

Mind if l take a look? lt's your life.

More on this as it develops.

More on this story as it develops.

Morning. Morning !

Most of the time for you.

Move. Come on. Come on. Come on. Talk, Bruce, damn it!

Must be a killer Christmas party. Don't get drunk, though.

My apologies.

My daughter pitched a no hitter.

My God. You can call me Bruce.

My instinct tells me there's something more.

My will be done!

Ninety seconds? Holy hell. Uh, yeah. Okay. 90 seconds?

No harm, no foul, Jack.

No injuries were reported in the melee, however, there were dozens...

No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up.

No matter what that means.

No one can replace the great Pete Fineman, but l will do my best.

No wonder you stayed single!

No, Bruce. Come on. What about all the signs?

No, it's not loud. Geez, can you keep it down to a dull roar?

No, Sam ! Bad dog !

No, sirree. Moments later, he busted a local news camera crew

No!

No.

No. He's ignoring me completely.

No. lt's Debbie, the sister whose life you're not wasting.

No. No. l'm having a breakdown, that's what it is.

Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? This God business.

Not during sweeps week!

Not the way l feel about you

Nothing like spending quality time with great friends, huh?

Now you and Evan get the live feeds.

Now you're just showing off.

Now, as far as field reporting goes, if you're looking for a bump. . .

Now, can we get back to the board,

Now, come on. What do you really care about?

Now, get out before they see us together.

Now, l'm not much for blaspheming, but that last one made me laugh.

Now, let's. . . Uh, Jack,

Now, that's fresh mountain grown coffee from the hills of Colombia.

Now, this last entry was a little disturbing.

Now, you get your goofy butt over here.

Now, you still have to go over there. The nurse is waiting.

Of the joy every morning would bring

OfficiaIs are desperateIy trying to repair severaI transformers

Oh

Oh ! Grace, don't do this! l'm not doing this.

Oh ! Oh, no!

Oh, a little place called the winner's circle. l'm at the falls doing a live report.

Oh, all right. Okay, okay, okay. Bye, Debbie!

Oh, and by the way, you suck!

Oh, and l never really congratulated you in the first place.

Oh, come on !

Oh, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on !

Oh, come on. This is fun. Right? lsn't this fun?

Oh, darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop.

Oh, do l have to? Oh, it's not gonna hurt.

Oh, don't look at me, Walter.

Oh, geez!

Oh, God !

Oh, God.

Oh, God. l swear l wanted to be mad at you forever.

Oh, God. Oh.

Oh, it's amazing. You've become Mom.

Oh, l know quite a lot about you, Bruce,

Oh, l need your guidance, Lord. Please send me a sign.

Oh, l see where this is going.

Oh, l see. So God is picking on you, is that what you're saying?

Oh, l was just gonna. . . Oh, l mean. . .

Oh, l'm kind of busy.

Oh, look. lt's the hero. What's up, homie?

Oh, my God !

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. Grace, he's gonna propose.

Oh, my gosh. l just got chills. l know.

Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no. Oh, gosh, please don't put that in your mouth.

Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin, don't. . . Don't eat that. Don't eat that.

Oh, no! Sam, this has got to stop.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Grace, the dog !

Oh, please. Grace. . .

Oh, that's great, Sam, but you missed your target. l'm over here!

Oh, the elevator's broken, huh?

Oh, well. No big deal. MAN: Oh, boy.

Oh, yeah. Sweeps.

Oh, yeah. The glass is half full.

Oh, yeah. What?

Oh, you're done now. Great.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. . . Oh, boy.

Oh. Here. Hold on a second. You need these more than l do.

Oh. l'll get it.

Oh. Oh, my God, look at you.

Oh. Okay, honey. Good luck. l love you.

Oh. There we go. Sorry about that.

Okay, cut it. Thank you, Bruce. Thanks, Ally.

Okay, fine. l don't need you.

Okay, God. You want me to talk to you?

Okay, l screwed up. Can l make it up to you?

Okay, okay, okay! l didn't mean it! l was just kidding !

Okay, Sammy, let's do it right, like all the other dogs.

Okay, you know what, honey? Let's go. Let's go inside.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. But the boss'll be right out.

Okay. Give it to me. Come on ! No, no, no.

Okay. How many fingers am l holding up? Now, Bruce.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Now, you just go through this stack,

Okay. Put your wish in there. Me too.

Okay. Thanks. Jack, can l talk to you a second?

Okay. That did not happen, and no one needs to hear about it.

Okay. That is a good one. That is a good one.

Okay. Well, honey, l just don't. . .

Omni Presents.

On Buffalo's biggest cookie.

One million and five hundred forty seven thousand

One more time, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble.

One of you might need a ride home.

Ooh, baby.

Or were you just too afraid to freeze your big, fat ass off?

Order today and we'll throw in at no extra charge the video Sweatin' To Bruce.

Organization and management is what l need.

Other people want idiotic crap like getting married or having babies

Other stories in the. . .

Our survey says, God ! Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing !

Outside of a canine training center in Buffalo, New York.

Pardon me. Bastard. Baxter, rather.

Part of the condition of us getting the exclusive.

People underestimate the benefit of good old manual labor.

People want me to do everything for them.

Perfect. Perfect.

Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill, but the show must go on,

Please help me let him go.

Please reach into my life. Hey!

Please, God.

Please. They are definitely bigger. l mean, look. They feel huge.

Pleasurable. Oh, God !

Pleasurable. Pleasurable.

Positive. l. B. positive. Okay, sorry.

Possibly, the biggest breaking news story this town has ever seen.

Pretty standard stuff anyway. l don't know.

Protested last week's lottery results.

Put your wish in there. Look at that. Looks like a big wish.

Quit bragging.

R Ewe Blind. No, but l'm late.

Ready for a miracle Ready, ready, yes, l am

Really something, isn't it?

Relax and enjoy it. Oh, God.

Right there! Thank you.

Rough stuff! l'm gonna hurt you. . .

Run, man ! Run !

Sammy, it's her. She's logging on. She's praying right now.

Say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but l say, No.

Say something. Bruce, talk.

Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused

See you around, kid.

See, you just got to remember that the newsroom is like a big cookie.

See. That's. . . That's what l'm talking about.

Seems to be in tune. Let's do this.

Seventh at 7:00 it is.

Sex scandal in the mayor's office for sweeps.

She deserved from me.

She has a rarey. Okay.

She just gave blood, and she still has enough left to fill up her face.

She kissed me. l didn't. . . l'm the kissee.

She prays.

She'll take me back, right? Would you take you back?

She'll take me back.

Shh !

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shouldn't we be focusing on Pete's retirement?

Show must go on, right?

Since you're through with these, l think l'll keep them.

Smite me, O mighty smiter!

Smite me, O mighty smiter!

So as soon as you apologize and make a full reckoning of your transgressions,

So come on down, or we'll just keep beeping you.

So far, 1 ,1 00 winning tickets have been turned in,

So he's gonna finish out the week, and l go live on Monday.

So how have you been doing? Good.

So is that what you think that we have? A mediocre life?

So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?

So that's what this is all about?

So the children of the neighborhood will be happy?

So what do l do?

Some people are drenched, freezing to death on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat,

Somebody get him some water.

Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleasure.

Sorry l'm late. Traffic was. . .

Sorry. Don't know you.

Sorry. Go on. Okay.

Sounds delicious.

Spend their lives in the dark trying to hide from me.

State officiaIs have suspended all lottery sales pending further investigation.

Stop it. No. Really?

Straight up. You talk kind of funny, you know what l mean?

Sure, it's a little creepy and a shameless plug, but we love them.

Surely l say unto you dudes, l do not wish to fight.

Susan, it's all yours.

SUSAN: Hi, Bruce.

Susan? Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls,

Sweetie? Time to get up.

Talk, honey. Talk. What's going on?

Thank you for the Grand Canyon,