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Bruce Almighty (2003) Bruce Almighty is a comedy film released in 2003, directed by Tom Shadyac. The movie stars Jim

Bruce Almighty (2003)

Bruce Almighty is a comedy film released in 2003, directed by Tom Shadyac. The movie stars Jim Carrey, Jennifer Aniston, Morgan Freeman, and Steve Carell. It tells the story of Bruce Nolan (played by Carrey), a discontented TV reporter who is frustrated with his life. One day, he is granted divine powers by God (portrayed by Freeman) to see if he can do a better job.

As Bruce becomes omnipotent, chaos ensues as he explores his newfound abilities and uses them for personal gain. However, he soon discovers that being God isn't as easy as he thought and learns important life lessons along the way.

The film provides a hilarious and heartwarming adventure, with Carrey's comedic genius shining through. Its clever writing and memorable performances by the cast make it a beloved comedy classic.

If you're interested in reliving the sounds and moments from Bruce Almighty, you can play and download them here.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A hair net? Health department.
A hair net? Health department.
A little less fight and a little more spark
A little less fight and a little more spark
A password.
A password.
A potential scandal with the Buffalo P. D. surfaced today,
A potential scandal with the Buffalo P. D. surfaced today,
A teenager who says no to drugs
A teenager who says no to drugs
Adiós. Adiós.
Adiós. Adiós.
Ah, Bruce! He's the favorite.
Ah, Bruce! He's the favorite.
Ah, geez! Thank you. Thank you again.
Ah, geez! Thank you. Thank you again.
Ah, what's this joker doing now?
Ah, what's this joker doing now?
AII right. Give it to me.
AII right. Give it to me.
AII this conversation ain't satisfactioning me
AII this conversation ain't satisfactioning me
All of mankind.
All of mankind.
All right, kids. Everybody inside. Time to go inside.
All right, kids. Everybody inside. Time to go inside.
All right. Fine. Do with it what you will. l don't care.
All right. Fine. Do with it what you will. l don't care.
All right. Get ready to pull the plug. Come on, baby. Say something.
All right. Get ready to pull the plug. Come on, baby. Say something.
All right. l got a pulse. All right. Let's set him up.
All right. l got a pulse. All right. Let's set him up.
All right. l'll tell you what. Today is the 1 56th anniversary of the Maid of the Mist.
All right. l'll tell you what. Today is the 1 56th anniversary of the Maid of the Mist.
All right. Lord, l need a miracle.
All right. Lord, l need a miracle.
All right. Now, get it straight here.
All right. Now, get it straight here.
All right. That's it! That's it!
All right. That's it! That's it!
All right. What is this?
All right. What is this?
All right. You know what? Just forget it. Let's just forget it.
All right. You know what? Just forget it. Let's just forget it.
All righty then.
All righty then.
All sprinkled with the love and support of our good families.
All sprinkled with the love and support of our good families.
All strangely from the BuffaIo area.
All strangely from the BuffaIo area.
All the greatest anchors have had their own signature sign off,
All the greatest anchors have had their own signature sign off,
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me
All you have to do is find the crease, right around here.
All you have to do is find the crease, right around here.
ALL: Be the miracle!
ALL: Be the miracle!
ALL: Be the miracle. That's right.
ALL: Be the miracle. That's right.
ALLY: They want you close to the falls. BRUCE: Really?
ALLY: They want you close to the falls. BRUCE: Really?
Am l A. B. negative or am l. . . l don't know what you are anymore.
Am l A. B. negative or am l. . . l don't know what you are anymore.
Am l. . .
Am l. . .
And as you said,
And as you said,
And bring peace to
And bring peace to
And complete set of dental records.
And complete set of dental records.
And do the cutesy stuff? The lighter side of the news?
And do the cutesy stuff? The lighter side of the news?
And doomsayers are pointing to Iast week's strange celestial events
And doomsayers are pointing to Iast week's strange celestial events
And Evan is loving it, by the way. Loving it.
And Evan is loving it, by the way. Loving it.
And every angle has its merit
And every angle has its merit
And good luck with the apocalypse.
And good luck with the apocalypse.
And he saw that it was good.
And he saw that it was good.
And he told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our entire lives.
And he told me to prepare for the most memorable night of our entire lives.
And here's what's making news.
And here's what's making news.
And in other. . .
And in other. . .
And it's a void only he can fill
And it's a void only he can fill
And it's. . . Sorry. You're like this.
And it's. . . Sorry. You're like this.
And l do the cha cha like a sissy girl.
And l do the cha cha like a sissy girl.
And l felt like my boobs were bigger.
And l felt like my boobs were bigger.
And l got to go.
And l got to go.
And l just thought l'd let you go
And l just thought l'd let you go
And l just thought that you would know
And l just thought that you would know
And l just thought that you would know
And l just thought that you would know
And l think, in a lot of ways, a great city is like a great recipe, really.
And l think, in a lot of ways, a great city is like a great recipe, really.
And l won't forget you when l go national. Uh, can you. . .
And l won't forget you when l go national. Uh, can you. . .
And l'm Evan Baxter, and here's what's making news.
And l'm Evan Baxter, and here's what's making news.
And live to talk about it, son.
And live to talk about it, son.
And my tiny little nipples went to France.
And my tiny little nipples went to France.
And now back to the news. Bruce.
And now back to the news. Bruce.
And now, BuffaIo's number one news team.
And now, BuffaIo's number one news team.
And now, Buffalo's number one news team.
And now, Buffalo's number one news team.
And quite frankly, l'm tired of it. Wait. Don't come near me.
And quite frankly, l'm tired of it. Wait. Don't come near me.
And that's the way it was. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
And that's the way it was. That's the way the cookie crumbles.
And that's the way the cookie crumbles!
And that's the way the cookie crumbles!
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
And that's the way. . . l like it. . .
And that's the way. . . l like it. . .
And the cookie is 1 0 feet, four inches.
And the cookie is 1 0 feet, four inches.
And the ends of your hair...
And the ends of your hair...
And the occasional sugar induced coma that follows.
And the occasional sugar induced coma that follows.
And the worId as we know it may be coming to an end.
And the worId as we know it may be coming to an end.
And then maybe two big bags of cash. Then. . . Then l'll be happy.
And then maybe two big bags of cash. Then. . . Then l'll be happy.
And use it as wallpaper. No, no, no.
And use it as wallpaper. No, no, no.
And we couId think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter.
And we couId think of no one better than our very own Evan Baxter.
And what about the voices in my head?
And what about the voices in my head?
And who can forget that cIassic, Bruce So Horny, He Love You Long Time.
And who can forget that cIassic, Bruce So Horny, He Love You Long Time.
And will be transported to a medical facility,
And will be transported to a medical facility,
And yes to an education, that's a miracle.
And yes to an education, that's a miracle.
And you can't mess with free will.
And you can't mess with free will.
And you keep ignoring them, they're gonna build up on you like that.
And you keep ignoring them, they're gonna build up on you like that.
And you pick your favorites.
And you pick your favorites.
And you thought, like, Susan's mouth was the phone?
And you thought, like, Susan's mouth was the phone?
ANSWERING MACHINE: Hey, this is Bruce, Grace and Sam...
ANSWERING MACHINE: Hey, this is Bruce, Grace and Sam...
Anybody with a brain stem can tell that
Anybody with a brain stem can tell that
Anyway, here's the deal.
Anyway, here's the deal.
Anyway, l'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom. Tell me.
Anyway, l'm here with Katharine Hepburn's mom. Tell me.
Apparently, it wasn't working out with Evan,
Apparently, it wasn't working out with Evan,
Are we gonna do this again? No. We can cut to B roll.
Are we gonna do this again? No. We can cut to B roll.
Are you guys leaving?
Are you guys leaving?
Are you ready for a miracle?
Are you ready for a miracle?
Are you ready for a miracle? lt's ready to set you free
Are you ready for a miracle? lt's ready to set you free
Are you ready for a miracle? Yes
Are you ready for a miracle? Yes
Are you ready to go back out there?
Are you ready to go back out there?
Are you ready, are you ready Yes, l am
Are you ready, are you ready Yes, l am
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready? Ready
Are you ready? Ready
Are you spying on me?
Are you spying on me?
As everyone knows, after 33 years, our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.
As everyone knows, after 33 years, our beloved Pete Fineman is retiring.
As in a bizarre twist, the body was found buried with a birth certificate
As in a bizarre twist, the body was found buried with a birth certificate
As l do now
As l do now
As signs that prophesy is now being fulfilled
As signs that prophesy is now being fulfilled
As you can see behind us, the body is being carefully exhumed,
As you can see behind us, the body is being carefully exhumed,
B E A utiful.
B E A utiful.
B E A utiful.
B E A utiful.
Baked by Gladys Pelsnick.
Baked by Gladys Pelsnick.
Barry, help me out here.
Barry, help me out here.
Bathroom. House. House. Bathroom. Bathroom. House.
Bathroom. House. House. Bathroom. Bathroom. House.
Be careful what you wish for, punk.
Be careful what you wish for, punk.
Be fruitful and do long division or something.
Be fruitful and do long division or something.
Because of the fast response, the toxic chemicals were cleaned up without incident.
Because of the fast response, the toxic chemicals were cleaned up without incident.
Because the life you save could be mine.
Because the life you save could be mine.
Because the Sabres have won their first championship in 22 years!
Because the Sabres have won their first championship in 22 years!
Bedroom? Five minutes.
Bedroom? Five minutes.
Believe me, you don't want that kind of attention.
Believe me, you don't want that kind of attention.
Besides, they stockpile this stuff in a warehouse somewhere.
Besides, they stockpile this stuff in a warehouse somewhere.
Bigger? Oh, come on ! Look at them !
Bigger? Oh, come on ! Look at them !
Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now.
Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now.
Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now.
Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now.
Bingo! Yahtzee! ls that your final answer?
Bingo! Yahtzee! ls that your final answer?
Bless you. Bless all of you.
Bless you. Bless all of you.
Blood's supposed to stay inside the body. That's where it's meant to be.
Blood's supposed to stay inside the body. That's where it's meant to be.
Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away.
Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away.
Bruce NoIan here aboard the Maid of the Mist
Bruce NoIan here aboard the Maid of the Mist
Bruce NoIan was the first on the scene. BRUCE: Thank you, Jane.
Bruce NoIan was the first on the scene. BRUCE: Thank you, Jane.
Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as. . .
Bruce Nolan is rapidly becoming known as. . .
Bruce Nolan,
Bruce Nolan,
Bruce Nolan. l'm Bruce No lan !
Bruce Nolan. l'm Bruce No lan !
Bruce, 30 seconds to air. Okay. Okay.
Bruce, 30 seconds to air. Okay. Okay.
Bruce, l'm God.
Bruce, l'm God.
Bruce, we're gonna keep your story in reserve.
Bruce, we're gonna keep your story in reserve.
Bruce, why don't you sit down? Okay.
Bruce, why don't you sit down? Okay.
Bruce, you have a divine spark.
Bruce, you have a divine spark.
Bruce, you promised you would help with this album.
Bruce, you promised you would help with this album.
BRUCE: Don't rush yourself.
BRUCE: Don't rush yourself.
BRUCE: God. Yeah. Let's thank God. Shall we?
BRUCE: God. Yeah. Let's thank God. Shall we?
BRUCE: Keep going, Tony! You're great! Oh, God.
BRUCE: Keep going, Tony! You're great! Oh, God.
BRUCE: l hear all that stuff winds up in a warehouse somewhere.
BRUCE: l hear all that stuff winds up in a warehouse somewhere.
BRUCE: Oh, it's not real. lt's not real.
BRUCE: Oh, it's not real. lt's not real.
Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.
Bruce. Bruce. Bruce.
Bruce. Jack. Jack! Hear me out here.
Bruce. Jack. Jack! Hear me out here.
Bruce. What?
Bruce. What?
Buenos días. Buenos días.
Buenos días. Buenos días.
Buffalo's number one police dog on the job.
Buffalo's number one police dog on the job.
But before we go live to Bruce, we have an announcement to make.
But before we go live to Bruce, we have an announcement to make.
But desperate times calls for desperate measures.
But desperate times calls for desperate measures.
But Evan always does live feeds.
But Evan always does live feeds.
But for your own protection, l cannot discuss it at this time.
But for your own protection, l cannot discuss it at this time.
But he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm !
But he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm !
But it's just noise. l can't understand them.
But it's just noise. l can't understand them.
But l want you to understand it was not my decision to let you go.
But l want you to understand it was not my decision to let you go.
But not me, Bruce. Just give me the boat.
But not me, Bruce. Just give me the boat.
But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
But this is exactly what happened to Susan Ortega
But this is exactly what happened to Susan Ortega
But today, in honor of their 30th anniversary,
But today, in honor of their 30th anniversary,
But we're gonna go with Evan's piece,
But we're gonna go with Evan's piece,
But what are we really looking at here?
But what are we really looking at here?
But what if l need you. What if l have questions?
But what if l need you. What if l have questions?
But what they don't realize is they have the power.
But what they don't realize is they have the power.
But why?
But why?
By making Buffalo's largest cookie, and you have to wear this.
By making Buffalo's largest cookie, and you have to wear this.
By what they're describing as unusual lunar activity.
By what they're describing as unusual lunar activity.
Bye. Have fun.
Bye. Have fun.
Can l have your wish now? l'm gonna put it in the wish jar. Thank you.
Can l have your wish now? l'm gonna put it in the wish jar. Thank you.
Can we get Vol a tissue or a spoon?
Can we get Vol a tissue or a spoon?
Channel 5 News.
Channel 5 News.
Clap on ! Clap on ! Clap on !
Clap on ! Clap on ! Clap on !
Coffee? Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah.
Coffee? Yeah. Uh, coffee. Yeah.
Come back with my bubble gum machine!
Come back with my bubble gum machine!
Come on ! Let me see a little wrath.
Come on ! Let me see a little wrath.
Come on ! Look! What is that? What is that?
Come on ! Look! What is that? What is that?
Come on, Bruce. Say something.
Come on, Bruce. Say something.
Come on, Grace. Come to the party.
Come on, Grace. Come to the party.
Come on, man. Calm down.
Come on, man. Calm down.
Come on. Let's go back inside and have a shit.
Come on. Let's go back inside and have a shit.
Come on. Let's have a talk.
Come on. Let's have a talk.
Come on. Start!
Come on. Start!
Come on. TeII me. MARY: lf l told you, it might not come true.
Come on. TeII me. MARY: lf l told you, it might not come true.
Come on. What are you doing?
Come on. What are you doing?
Congratulations, Evan. Thanks, Susan. l'm thrilled and honored.
Congratulations, Evan. Thanks, Susan. l'm thrilled and honored.
Congratulations.
Congratulations.
Cool. Tell you what.
Cool. Tell you what.
Creepy. Needles. Yuck.
Creepy. Needles. Yuck.
Cross pollination between tulips and daisies.
Cross pollination between tulips and daisies.
Cue the cheesy inspirational music!
Cue the cheesy inspirational music!
Cut the feed. Go to black.
Cut the feed. Go to black.
Dallas Coleman, weather.
Dallas Coleman, weather.
Damaged by the ensuing electrical surge.
Damaged by the ensuing electrical surge.
Dear God, please help Bruce find himself, find contentment, find you.
Dear God, please help Bruce find himself, find contentment, find you.
Dear God, please help Bruce. He seems to be struggling.
Dear God, please help Bruce. He seems to be struggling.
DEBBIE: SmaII Wonders Day Care. Grace?
DEBBIE: SmaII Wonders Day Care. Grace?
DEBBlE: Was this Bruce's idea?
DEBBlE: Was this Bruce's idea?
Did you guys already play the spots? lt's a nice story, Bruce,
Did you guys already play the spots? lt's a nice story, Bruce,
Disfrute un buen café. Gracias, señor.
Disfrute un buen café. Gracias, señor.
Do That To Bruce One More Time.
Do That To Bruce One More Time.
Do you like jazz, Evan? Yeah.
Do you like jazz, Evan? Yeah.
Do your thing.
Do your thing.
Don't get mad at the dog. lt's not the dog's fault.
Don't get mad at the dog. lt's not the dog's fault.
Don't make this about you. About me?
Don't make this about you. About me?
Don't put that in your mouth. That's paste, honey.
Don't put that in your mouth. That's paste, honey.
Doompah. Oh, geez.
Doompah. Oh, geez.
Duh.
Duh.
Enjoying your party?
Enjoying your party?
Evan, when l know something, you'll know something.
Evan, when l know something, you'll know something.
Evan. Bruce.
Evan. Bruce.
Evan's gonna get that anchor job, l just know it.
Evan's gonna get that anchor job, l just know it.
Every day would be the first day of spring
Every day would be the first day of spring
Every heart would have a new song to sing
Every heart would have a new song to sing
Every man wouId be as free as a bird
Every man wouId be as free as a bird
Every voice would be a voice to be heard
Every voice would be a voice to be heard
Everything you've ever said or done or thought about doing,
Everything you've ever said or done or thought about doing,
Excuse me. l need a sp. . .
Excuse me. l need a sp. . .
Eyewitness Nose. Okay, and clear.
Eyewitness Nose. Okay, and clear.
Feed's good, Jack.
Feed's good, Jack.
Feeling pretty vulnerable too.
Feeling pretty vulnerable too.
Figures!
Figures!
Files.
Files.
Find Grace Connelly.
Find Grace Connelly.
Find Grace, then Bruce.
Find Grace, then Bruce.
Find out tonight after the game.
Find out tonight after the game.
First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber. . .
First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber. . .
Five seconds to the open. This is it.
Five seconds to the open. This is it.
For at least 24 hours before l stir it into the chili.
For at least 24 hours before l stir it into the chili.
For his blessings are raining down upon me.
For his blessings are raining down upon me.
For someone just like you make me feel the way you do
For someone just like you make me feel the way you do
For three decades, the Kowolski family bakery
For three decades, the Kowolski family bakery
Forever and ever yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Forever and ever yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Forget something?
Forget something?
Fred Donohue, sports, Dallas Coleman, weather.
Fred Donohue, sports, Dallas Coleman, weather.
From a very reliable friend of a friend of a girl,
From a very reliable friend of a friend of a girl,
Getting, getting getting kind of heavy
Getting, getting getting kind of heavy
GIRL: Now I Iay me down to sleep.
GIRL: Now I Iay me down to sleep.
GIRL: PIease bIess my mommy, my daddy and especially my little sister.
GIRL: PIease bIess my mommy, my daddy and especially my little sister.
GIRL: Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen.
GIRL: Thank you for everything else in my life. Amen.
Go ahead. Take your best shot. Actually, l. . .
Go ahead. Take your best shot. Actually, l. . .
Go ahead. Use them.
Go ahead. Use them.
Go home smelling to high heaven at the end of the day.
Go home smelling to high heaven at the end of the day.
Go to black. l'm on it.
Go to black. l'm on it.
Go to the bathroom, please. Wash out your mouth. Wash off your hands.
Go to the bathroom, please. Wash out your mouth. Wash off your hands.
God !
God !
God gave me everything I want, now, come on
God gave me everything I want, now, come on
God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill
God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill
God, l swear that kid is gonna poop an ornament.
God, l swear that kid is gonna poop an ornament.
Good boy. There are girls in the house, huh?
Good boy. There are girls in the house, huh?
Good dream. No. No.
Good dream. No. No.
Good grief. ls that what l'm driving?
Good grief. ls that what l'm driving?
Good luck with that. l'm gonna go now.
Good luck with that. l'm gonna go now.
Good work. l'm impressed.
Good work. l'm impressed.
Grace left me.
Grace left me.
Grace might notice. l know. Prayer Post lts!
Grace might notice. l know. Prayer Post lts!
Grace, please, none of this seems right without you.
Grace, please, none of this seems right without you.
Grace, this is so weird. l was just calling you.
Grace, this is so weird. l was just calling you.
GRACE: He said he wanted me to have a day of beauty and luxurious serenity.
GRACE: He said he wanted me to have a day of beauty and luxurious serenity.
GRACE: l'm in the shower!
GRACE: l'm in the shower!
GRACE: Thank God you're all right.
GRACE: Thank God you're all right.
Grace!
Grace!
Grace.
Grace.
Grace.
Grace.
Grace.
Grace.
Grace. Yes.
Grace. Yes.
Grace. You want her back?
Grace. You want her back?
Great choice, Jack. This is the Cadillac of bolognas.
Great choice, Jack. This is the Cadillac of bolognas.
Great. Fred.
Great. Fred.
Has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo,
Has been a mainstay in downtown Buffalo,
Has just hit ground right outside the Mark Twain Chili Cook Off.
Has just hit ground right outside the Mark Twain Chili Cook Off.
Have you completely lost your mind?
Have you completely lost your mind?
He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to,
He could fix my life in five minutes if he wanted to,
He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves, either, son.
He didn't mind rolling up his sleeves, either, son.
He sends you all day to a beauty spa.
He sends you all day to a beauty spa.
He's far too busy giving Evan everything he wants.
He's far too busy giving Evan everything he wants.
He's taking you to the most romantic restaurant,
He's taking you to the most romantic restaurant,
Heigh ho, Silver, away!
Heigh ho, Silver, away!
Hello, 555 01 23.
Hello, 555 01 23.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello? Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
Hello? Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
Hello? l need your help. Clap on. Clap on.
Hello? l need your help. Clap on. Clap on.
Help me forget.
Help me forget.
Help me out here.
Help me out here.
Helpful and lifesaving? No. lt's your blood. lt's blood.
Helpful and lifesaving? No. lt's your blood. lt's blood.
Here's your soup.
Here's your soup.
Hey, Bruce. Hey.
Hey, Bruce. Hey.
Hey, did that monkey just come out your crack, man?
Hey, did that monkey just come out your crack, man?
Hey, don't forget your parting gifts!
Hey, don't forget your parting gifts!
Hey, that's a pretty good idea.
Hey, that's a pretty good idea.
Hey, there he is, the man of the hour!
Hey, there he is, the man of the hour!
Hey, try that. lt's an excellent year.
Hey, try that. lt's an excellent year.
Hey, you forgot your things.
Hey, you forgot your things.
Hey!
Hey!
Hey! Hank found something !
Hey! Hank found something !
Hey! Hey! Look what the cat coughed up!
Hey! Hey! Look what the cat coughed up!
Hey. Check it out. Check it out. Hey. Check it out.
Hey. Check it out. Check it out. Hey. Check it out.
Hey. How was that? That was great.
Hey. How was that? That was great.
Hi, baby.
Hi, baby.
Hi, Bruce. Oh, hi, Susan.
Hi, Bruce. Oh, hi, Susan.
Hi, Susan. Hi, Jack.
Hi, Susan. Hi, Jack.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi. Hi.
Hi. Hi.
Hi. Hi. Sorry. Debbie forgot to take her meds today. Where are you?
Hi. Hi. Sorry. Debbie forgot to take her meds today. Where are you?
Hoffa? What are the odds of that? What are the odds of that?
Hoffa? What are the odds of that? What are the odds of that?
Hola, Juan Valdéz.
Hola, Juan Valdéz.
Hold that thought, Hazel !
Hold that thought, Hazel !
Holy hell !
Holy hell !
Holy sh. . . Cow.
Holy sh. . . Cow.
Home
Home
Honey, it was funny. lt made me laugh.
Honey, it was funny. lt made me laugh.
Honey, last night was just. . . Heavenly? l know. l know.
Honey, last night was just. . . Heavenly? l know. l know.
Honey, these flowers are really beautiful, but last night. . .
Honey, these flowers are really beautiful, but last night. . .
Honey. Hi. Wow.
Honey. Hi. Wow.
How could l make this about me? lt's about you ! lt's always about you !
How could l make this about me? lt's about you ! lt's always about you !
How did you get that? That's supposed to be in our private stash.
How did you get that? That's supposed to be in our private stash.
How did you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie?
How did you know about that? Did you talk to Debbie?
How do l get to Room 7?
How do l get to Room 7?
How do you know my father, and how did you get my pager number?
How do you know my father, and how did you get my pager number?
How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will?
How do you make somebody love you without affecting free will?
How many now? Seven.
How many now? Seven.
How many people have you helped?
How many people have you helped?
How's that? Great.
How's that? Great.
If l'm talking about a donkey.
If l'm talking about a donkey.
If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love Bruce.
If You Can't Be With The One You Love, Then Love Bruce.
In fabulous Niagara Falls, New York.
In fabulous Niagara Falls, New York.
In the Gaza Strip today, as lsraelis and Palestinians. . .
In the Gaza Strip today, as lsraelis and Palestinians. . .
Is there someone less talented than you reaping all the benefits?
Is there someone less talented than you reaping all the benefits?
It was a shootout on the ice for our home... Of course. They're my team.
It was a shootout on the ice for our home... Of course. They're my team.
It's the Iaw. l just did the hair. The hair is perfect.
It's the Iaw. l just did the hair. The hair is perfect.
Its dedicated and hardworking citizens the key ingredient,
Its dedicated and hardworking citizens the key ingredient,
Jack practically came out and told me. Practically?
Jack practically came out and told me. Practically?
Jack's throwing me a party Friday night
Jack's throwing me a party Friday night
Jesus. Get out of there!
Jesus. Get out of there!
Just before they bumped her up.
Just before they bumped her up.
Just for this occasion.
Just for this occasion.
Just once more. Please? No. No.
Just once more. Please? No. No.
Just once more. Please? No. No.
Just once more. Please? No. No.
Just say the word, and I'II throw a Iasso around it and pull it down.
Just say the word, and I'II throw a Iasso around it and pull it down.
Just say you love me and you want me back.
Just say you love me and you want me back.
Just the man l wanna see. Hey.
Just the man l wanna see. Hey.
Just? Just get a clue!
Just? Just get a clue!
Just. . . Debbie won the lottery. Oh, yeah? You're kidding.
Just. . . Debbie won the lottery. Oh, yeah? You're kidding.
Kind of bright, though. Yeah. lt is for most people.
Kind of bright, though. Yeah. lt is for most people.
Kind of. . . l'm not sure if she's. . .
Kind of. . . l'm not sure if she's. . .
Know what? Forget it.
Know what? Forget it.
Know what? Forget it.
Know what? Forget it.
L am a reasonable, sane human being with a .44 Magnum,
L am a reasonable, sane human being with a .44 Magnum,
L am Bruce Almighty!
L am Bruce Almighty!
L am not being a martyr. l'm a victim.
L am not being a martyr. l'm a victim.
L am.
L am.
L call them tu daisies.
L call them tu daisies.
L can hold that note all day, buddy. JACK: Knock it off, guys.
L can hold that note all day, buddy. JACK: Knock it off, guys.
L did.
L did.
L didn't know this was so important to you. Me neither. Me neither.
L didn't know this was so important to you. Me neither. Me neither.
L didn't say hole. lf l said ass. . . Wait! Wait!
L didn't say hole. lf l said ass. . . Wait! Wait!
L didn't think l would have. . . l'm sorry. Go on.
L didn't think l would have. . . l'm sorry. Go on.
L didn't want to start you off with more than you could handle.
L didn't want to start you off with more than you could handle.
L don't know if you've lost it all up in here or what, but check this out, homie.
L don't know if you've lost it all up in here or what, but check this out, homie.
L don't know what l would have done.
L don't know what l would have done.
L don't know what you want me to say.
L don't know what you want me to say.
L don't wanna be God.
L don't wanna be God.
L don't wanna hurt anymore. Please.
L don't wanna hurt anymore. Please.
L don't wanna hurt you, but l will, out of instinct.
L don't wanna hurt you, but l will, out of instinct.
L don't wanna make you feel bad, but they're laughing at you.
L don't wanna make you feel bad, but they're laughing at you.
L don't. . . l don't know if she. . . l don't know if she wants that or not.
L don't. . . l don't know if she. . . l don't know if she wants that or not.
L get it. Okay.
L get it. Okay.
L got anchor.
L got anchor.
L got sweeps, and l'm live.
L got sweeps, and l'm live.
L got to tell you. He is really impressing me lately.
L got to tell you. He is really impressing me lately.
L guess that's how life is, isn't it?
L guess that's how life is, isn't it?
L had you going, Jackie. Don't even worry about it, old friend.
L had you going, Jackie. Don't even worry about it, old friend.
L have a rarey. . . Oh !
L have a rarey. . . Oh !
L have no bird. l have no bush. God has taken my bird and my bush.
L have no bird. l have no bush. God has taken my bird and my bush.
L have no credibility. Not good. Not good.
L have no credibility. Not good. Not good.
L have to act like a total goof in order to make it work.
L have to act like a total goof in order to make it work.
L have to say, l am so proud to be a part of our local community of Buffalo,
L have to say, l am so proud to be a part of our local community of Buffalo,
L hear their layouts can be quite tasteful. Give that to me right now!
L hear their layouts can be quite tasteful. Give that to me right now!
L hope they're powerful.
L hope they're powerful.
L just came to tell you that l've been a royal prick.
L just came to tell you that l've been a royal prick.
L just figured l'd get your attention.
L just figured l'd get your attention.
L know this seems kind of crazy,
L know this seems kind of crazy,
L know. l created you.
L know. l created you.
L lika do the cha cha.
L lika do the cha cha.
L like the Sabres. Coach prays a lot. Okay.
L like the Sabres. Coach prays a lot. Okay.
L lost 47 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet.
L lost 47 pounds on the Krispy Kreme diet.
L love the stairs though. They were my second choice.
L love the stairs though. They were my second choice.
L made you grilled cheese. Ooh, my favey!
L made you grilled cheese. Ooh, my favey!
L mean, do they look bigger to you? Uh, what? Your. . . No.
L mean, do they look bigger to you? Uh, what? Your. . . No.
L mean, l woke up this morning,
L mean, l woke up this morning,
L mean, l'm ready for this. l just don't know if l would. . .
L mean, l'm ready for this. l just don't know if l would. . .
L mean, this is his last week.
L mean, this is his last week.
L mean, this is his last week.
L mean, this is his last week.
L miss you.
L miss you.
L myself, will have given blood twice this week.
L myself, will have given blood twice this week.
L need a system. Something concrete. Concentrate!
L need a system. Something concrete. Concentrate!
L never saw it before, l swear!
L never saw it before, l swear!
L pray the Lord my soul to keep.
L pray the Lord my soul to keep.
L pray the Lord my soul to take. What are you saying?
L pray the Lord my soul to take. What are you saying?
L really didn't come to chat, okay, Bruce? l came for Grace's stuff.
L really didn't come to chat, okay, Bruce? l came for Grace's stuff.
L righted a few wrongs in my own life first, okay?
L righted a few wrongs in my own life first, okay?
L shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness.
L shall absolve you and continue along the path of righteousness.
L suppose you're here to gloat about the anchor position.
L suppose you're here to gloat about the anchor position.
L surrender to your will !
L surrender to your will !
L surrender! l surrender! l surrender.
L surrender! l surrender! l surrender.
L think it's really good. lt sucks.
L think it's really good. lt sucks.
L think l could help the world. The world?
L think l could help the world. The world?
L took care of a few things.
L took care of a few things.
L took the first step. Jumped out on the ledge.
L took the first step. Jumped out on the ledge.
L tried to fight her off. l tried to stop her, but she's really strong.
L tried to fight her off. l tried to stop her, but she's really strong.
L want her to be happy.
L want her to be happy.
L want her to find someone
L want her to find someone
L want her to meet someone
L want her to meet someone
L want you to decide what's right for me.
L want you to decide what's right for me.
L want you to pray, son.
L want you to pray, son.
L was gonna help the others.
L was gonna help the others.
L was gonna wait until after the meal,
L was gonna wait until after the meal,
L was such an idiot. lt's okay.
L was such an idiot. lt's okay.
L wish l'd written something. And now let's go live
L wish l'd written something. And now let's go live
L work in back. l see no smiles.
L work in back. l see no smiles.
L'd call that a red letter day for any K 9 unit, but was that enough for old Hank here?
L'd call that a red letter day for any K 9 unit, but was that enough for old Hank here?
L'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Exclusive, Grace Connelly.
L'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs. Exclusive, Grace Connelly.
L'd rather take the elevator. Out of order.
L'd rather take the elevator. Out of order.
L'll call you later, okay?
L'll call you later, okay?
L'll drink to that. My tech stocks tripled in five days.
L'll drink to that. My tech stocks tripled in five days.
L'll give it all to you, babe
L'll give it all to you, babe
L'll give you the moon, Mary. I'II take it.
L'll give you the moon, Mary. I'II take it.
L'll have the worst day of my life
L'll have the worst day of my life
L'll never be an anchorman, not with this.
L'll never be an anchorman, not with this.
L'll see you on Channel 5, where they do the real news.
L'll see you on Channel 5, where they do the real news.
L'll see you through
L'll see you through
L'm a very rare blood type. l'm A. B. positive.
L'm a very rare blood type. l'm A. B. positive.
L'm A. B. negative. l'm l. B. positive.
L'm A. B. negative. l'm l. B. positive.
L'm A. B. positive. Really?
L'm A. B. positive. Really?
L'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!
L'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!
L'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No. . .
L'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness No. . .
L'm Bruce Nolan, and that's the way the cookie crumbles.
L'm Bruce Nolan, and that's the way the cookie crumbles.
L'm deleting the program.
L'm deleting the program.
L'm desperate. l need your help, Lord.
L'm desperate. l need your help, Lord.
L'm doing my first anchor tonight. Oh, wow! That's great!
L'm doing my first anchor tonight. Oh, wow! That's great!
L'm done!
L'm done!
L'm free on the seventh at 7:00.
L'm free on the seventh at 7:00.
L'm gonna be straight with you. We want you back, Bruce.
L'm gonna be straight with you. We want you back, Bruce.
L'm gonna get right on it.
L'm gonna get right on it.
L'm gonna need a frigging miracle to get to work on time.
L'm gonna need a frigging miracle to get to work on time.
L'm just glad you're okay. Okay? News flash ! l'm not okay.
L'm just glad you're okay. Okay? News flash ! l'm not okay.
L'm just messing with you, Bruce.
L'm just messing with you, Bruce.
L'm kidding with you, and you. . .
L'm kidding with you, and you. . .
L'm not okay with a mediocre life!
L'm not okay with a mediocre life!
L'm pushing 40, and what have l got to show for it?
L'm pushing 40, and what have l got to show for it?
L'm sorry, Jack.
L'm sorry, Jack.
L'm sorry.
L'm sorry.
L'm sorry. l'm so sorry. l'm sorry.
L'm sorry. l'm so sorry. l'm sorry.
L'm sorry. We seem to be having some technical difficulties.
L'm sorry. We seem to be having some technical difficulties.
L'm starting to get desperate, man.
L'm starting to get desperate, man.
L'm the alpha, lady! l'm the omega, baby!
L'm the alpha, lady! l'm the omega, baby!
L'm the one.
L'm the one.
L'm trying to fix a light. Tell me if it's working.
L'm trying to fix a light. Tell me if it's working.
L'm undoing it. l'll be at Debbie's.
L'm undoing it. l'll be at Debbie's.
L've got the power
L've got the power
L've got the power
L've got the power
L've hit some kind of a ceiling here.
L've hit some kind of a ceiling here.
L've never seen the moon that big ! Yeah.
L've never seen the moon that big ! Yeah.
L've seen your outtakes. Jack, you will not regret this.
L've seen your outtakes. Jack, you will not regret this.
Last night, l was only human.
Last night, l was only human.
Let all prayers be organized into files.
Let all prayers be organized into files.
Let me explain the rules. Rules?
Let me explain the rules. Rules?
Let there be light.
Let there be light.
Let's do it.
Let's do it.
Let's go over here, where the Kowolskis have baked a very special cookie
Let's go over here, where the Kowolskis have baked a very special cookie
Let's have a talk with him, shall we? Come on in here, Bill.
Let's have a talk with him, shall we? Come on in here, Bill.
Let's see.
Let's see.
Let's watch it one more time. Oh, no.
Let's watch it one more time. Oh, no.
Lf this cookie beats Gladys's, it will prove once and for all
Lf this cookie beats Gladys's, it will prove once and for all
Lf you don't like it, megabyte me.
Lf you don't like it, megabyte me.
Lf you wanna be Miss America.
Lf you wanna be Miss America.
Like Wal ter Cron kite.
Like Wal ter Cron kite.
Live? That's great! Yeah ! lt's happening, hon.
Live? That's great! Yeah ! lt's happening, hon.
Ln a way, l brought you here to offer you a job.
Ln a way, l brought you here to offer you a job.
Ln fact, l think you'll find it quite pleasurable.
Ln fact, l think you'll find it quite pleasurable.
Ln international news, Japanese relief workers are staging a desperate effort
Ln international news, Japanese relief workers are staging a desperate effort
Ln other news, the prime minister of Sweden
Ln other news, the prime minister of Sweden
Ln other news. . .
Ln other news. . .
Ln other news. . .
Ln other news. . .
Ln other news. . . Bloody hell !
Ln other news. . . Bloody hell !
Lnside, bad. Outside, good.
Lnside, bad. Outside, good.
Look, Bruce. lt is not in my power to give you anchor.
Look, Bruce. lt is not in my power to give you anchor.
Look, would it help if l just said that l was a complete ass?
Look, would it help if l just said that l was a complete ass?
Looking for another can of whoop ass?
Looking for another can of whoop ass?
Looks like my new co anchor may need a glass of water.
Looks like my new co anchor may need a glass of water.
Lord, feed the hungry.
Lord, feed the hungry.
Lots of money and lots of stuff.
Lots of money and lots of stuff.
Love me. Love me!
Love me. Love me!
Lower and debase myself for the amusement of total strangers?
Lower and debase myself for the amusement of total strangers?
Ls big chocolate sprinkle. But he shut store down.
Ls big chocolate sprinkle. But he shut store down.
Ls that part of the hilarity? No, those are prayers.
Ls that part of the hilarity? No, those are prayers.
Ls that supposed to be funny?
Ls that supposed to be funny?
Ls this heaven?
Ls this heaven?
Ls your child in dire jeopardy?
Ls your child in dire jeopardy?
Ls your name Bruce? Then do we have the job for you.
Ls your name Bruce? Then do we have the job for you.
Lt is good to see what someone with talent can do,
Lt is good to see what someone with talent can do,
Lt seems as if an asteroid or some kind of meteorite
Lt seems as if an asteroid or some kind of meteorite
Lt's 70 and sunny, and the perfect day to forgive Bruce.
Lt's 70 and sunny, and the perfect day to forgive Bruce.
Lt's a B E A utiful day, so come on down here.
Lt's a B E A utiful day, so come on down here.
Lt's a funny thing about pleasure.
Lt's a funny thing about pleasure.
Lt's a story about a cookie.
Lt's a story about a cookie.
Lt's all frozen on ice, and they tell everybody there's a shortage.
Lt's all frozen on ice, and they tell everybody there's a shortage.
Lt's getting pretty crazy out there.
Lt's getting pretty crazy out there.
Lt's good. lt's good !
Lt's good. lt's good !
Lt's good. lt's good.
Lt's good. lt's good.
Lt's good. lt's good.
Lt's good. lt's good.
Lt's good. lt's good.
Lt's good. lt's good.
Lt's her.
Lt's her.
Lt's just this whole anchor thing opening up has got me nuts.
Lt's just this whole anchor thing opening up has got me nuts.
Lt's locked, and the keys are inside!
Lt's locked, and the keys are inside!
Lt's mayhem. l don't know what to do.
Lt's mayhem. l don't know what to do.
Lt's not important, right? lt's not important.
Lt's not important, right? lt's not important.
Lt's not important, right? lt's not important.
Lt's not important, right? lt's not important.
Lt's okay.
Lt's okay.
Lt's okay. l found one.
Lt's okay. l found one.
Lt's okay. We're back up.
Lt's okay. We're back up.
Lt's perfect. She'll love it.
Lt's perfect. She'll love it.
Lt's tomato. l made it myself.
Lt's tomato. l made it myself.
Maid of the Mist? That's always live.
Maid of the Mist? That's always live.
Making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live.
Making our beloved Buffalo the sweetest place to live.
MAN 1 : Please help me, Lord. Please get me through this.
MAN 1 : Please help me, Lord. Please get me through this.
MAN 1 : Sabres! Sabres rule!
MAN 1 : Sabres! Sabres rule!
MAN 2: All l'm asking is would you help me?
MAN 2: All l'm asking is would you help me?
MAN 2: Channel 7 fries!
MAN 2: Channel 7 fries!
MAN 2: Repent! The end is near! Repent!
MAN 2: Repent! The end is near! Repent!
MAN ON RECORDING: Denied that promotion at work? Is Iife unfair?
MAN ON RECORDING: Denied that promotion at work? Is Iife unfair?
MAN ON TV: K TeI Records brings you the 1 00 greatest love songs of all time.
MAN ON TV: K TeI Records brings you the 1 00 greatest love songs of all time.
MAN ON TV: Nature's not doing it.
MAN ON TV: Nature's not doing it.
MAN: Bruce?
MAN: Bruce?
MAN: Got a rhythm.
MAN: Got a rhythm.
MAN: Oh !
MAN: Oh !
MAN: WeIcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00 with Susan Ortega,
MAN: WeIcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00 with Susan Ortega,
MAN: WeIcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00, with Susan Ortega,
MAN: WeIcome to Eyewitness News at 6:00, with Susan Ortega,
MAN: Yahweh!
MAN: Yahweh!
May l? Certainly.
May l? Certainly.
Maybe l'm just out of my mind
Maybe l'm just out of my mind
Might come in handy someday.
Might come in handy someday.
Mind if l take a look? lt's your life.
Mind if l take a look? lt's your life.
More on this as it develops.
More on this as it develops.
More on this story as it develops.
More on this story as it develops.
Morning. Morning !
Morning. Morning !
Most of the time for you.
Most of the time for you.
Move. Come on. Come on. Come on. Talk, Bruce, damn it!
Move. Come on. Come on. Come on. Talk, Bruce, damn it!
Must be a killer Christmas party. Don't get drunk, though.
Must be a killer Christmas party. Don't get drunk, though.
My apologies.
My apologies.
My daughter pitched a no hitter.
My daughter pitched a no hitter.
My God. You can call me Bruce.
My God. You can call me Bruce.
My instinct tells me there's something more.
My instinct tells me there's something more.
My will be done!
My will be done!
Ninety seconds? Holy hell. Uh, yeah. Okay. 90 seconds?
Ninety seconds? Holy hell. Uh, yeah. Okay. 90 seconds?
No harm, no foul, Jack.
No harm, no foul, Jack.
No injuries were reported in the melee, however, there were dozens...
No injuries were reported in the melee, however, there were dozens...
No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up.
No matter how filthy something gets, you can always clean it right up.
No matter what that means.
No matter what that means.
No one can replace the great Pete Fineman, but l will do my best.
No one can replace the great Pete Fineman, but l will do my best.
No wonder you stayed single!
No wonder you stayed single!
No, Bruce. Come on. What about all the signs?
No, Bruce. Come on. What about all the signs?
No, it's not loud. Geez, can you keep it down to a dull roar?
No, it's not loud. Geez, can you keep it down to a dull roar?
No, Sam ! Bad dog !
No, Sam ! Bad dog !
No, sirree. Moments later, he busted a local news camera crew
No, sirree. Moments later, he busted a local news camera crew
No!
No!
No.
No.
No. He's ignoring me completely.
No. He's ignoring me completely.
No. lt's Debbie, the sister whose life you're not wasting.
No. lt's Debbie, the sister whose life you're not wasting.
No. No. l'm having a breakdown, that's what it is.
No. No. l'm having a breakdown, that's what it is.
Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? This God business.
Not as easy as it looks, is it, son? This God business.
Not during sweeps week!
Not during sweeps week!
Not the way l feel about you
Not the way l feel about you
Nothing like spending quality time with great friends, huh?
Nothing like spending quality time with great friends, huh?
Now you and Evan get the live feeds.
Now you and Evan get the live feeds.
Now you're just showing off.
Now you're just showing off.
Now, as far as field reporting goes, if you're looking for a bump. . .
Now, as far as field reporting goes, if you're looking for a bump. . .
Now, can we get back to the board,
Now, can we get back to the board,
Now, come on. What do you really care about?
Now, come on. What do you really care about?
Now, get out before they see us together.
Now, get out before they see us together.
Now, l'm not much for blaspheming, but that last one made me laugh.
Now, l'm not much for blaspheming, but that last one made me laugh.
Now, let's. . . Uh, Jack,
Now, let's. . . Uh, Jack,
Now, that's fresh mountain grown coffee from the hills of Colombia.
Now, that's fresh mountain grown coffee from the hills of Colombia.
Now, this last entry was a little disturbing.
Now, this last entry was a little disturbing.
Now, you get your goofy butt over here.
Now, you get your goofy butt over here.
Now, you still have to go over there. The nurse is waiting.
Now, you still have to go over there. The nurse is waiting.
Of the joy every morning would bring
Of the joy every morning would bring
OfficiaIs are desperateIy trying to repair severaI transformers
OfficiaIs are desperateIy trying to repair severaI transformers
Oh
Oh
Oh ! Grace, don't do this! l'm not doing this.
Oh ! Grace, don't do this! l'm not doing this.
Oh ! Oh, no!
Oh ! Oh, no!
Oh, a little place called the winner's circle. l'm at the falls doing a live report.
Oh, a little place called the winner's circle. l'm at the falls doing a live report.
Oh, all right. Okay, okay, okay. Bye, Debbie!
Oh, all right. Okay, okay, okay. Bye, Debbie!
Oh, and by the way, you suck!
Oh, and by the way, you suck!
Oh, and l never really congratulated you in the first place.
Oh, and l never really congratulated you in the first place.
Oh, come on !
Oh, come on !
Oh, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on !
Oh, come on. Come on. Come on. Come on !
Oh, come on. This is fun. Right? lsn't this fun?
Oh, come on. This is fun. Right? lsn't this fun?
Oh, darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop.
Oh, darn. All this horsepower and no room to gallop.
Oh, do l have to? Oh, it's not gonna hurt.
Oh, do l have to? Oh, it's not gonna hurt.
Oh, don't look at me, Walter.
Oh, don't look at me, Walter.
Oh, geez!
Oh, geez!
Oh, God !
Oh, God !
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. l swear l wanted to be mad at you forever.
Oh, God. l swear l wanted to be mad at you forever.
Oh, God. Oh.
Oh, God. Oh.
Oh, it's amazing. You've become Mom.
Oh, it's amazing. You've become Mom.
Oh, l know quite a lot about you, Bruce,
Oh, l know quite a lot about you, Bruce,
Oh, l need your guidance, Lord. Please send me a sign.
Oh, l need your guidance, Lord. Please send me a sign.
Oh, l see where this is going.
Oh, l see where this is going.
Oh, l see. So God is picking on you, is that what you're saying?
Oh, l see. So God is picking on you, is that what you're saying?
Oh, l was just gonna. . . Oh, l mean. . .
Oh, l was just gonna. . . Oh, l mean. . .
Oh, l'm kind of busy.
Oh, l'm kind of busy.
Oh, look. lt's the hero. What's up, homie?
Oh, look. lt's the hero. What's up, homie?
Oh, my God !
Oh, my God !
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. Grace, he's gonna propose.
Oh, my gosh. Grace, he's gonna propose.
Oh, my gosh. l just got chills. l know.
Oh, my gosh. l just got chills. l know.
Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no. Oh, gosh, please don't put that in your mouth.
Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no. Oh, gosh, please don't put that in your mouth.
Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin, don't. . . Don't eat that. Don't eat that.
Oh, no, no. Oh, no. Martin, don't. . . Don't eat that. Don't eat that.
Oh, no! Sam, this has got to stop.
Oh, no! Sam, this has got to stop.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Grace, the dog !
Oh, no. Grace, the dog !
Oh, please. Grace. . .
Oh, please. Grace. . .
Oh, that's great, Sam, but you missed your target. l'm over here!
Oh, that's great, Sam, but you missed your target. l'm over here!
Oh, the elevator's broken, huh?
Oh, the elevator's broken, huh?
Oh, well. No big deal. MAN: Oh, boy.
Oh, well. No big deal. MAN: Oh, boy.
Oh, yeah. Sweeps.
Oh, yeah. Sweeps.
Oh, yeah. The glass is half full.
Oh, yeah. The glass is half full.
Oh, yeah. What?
Oh, yeah. What?
Oh, you're done now. Great.
Oh, you're done now. Great.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. . . Oh, boy.
Oh. . . Oh, boy.
Oh. Here. Hold on a second. You need these more than l do.
Oh. Here. Hold on a second. You need these more than l do.
Oh. l'll get it.
Oh. l'll get it.
Oh. Oh, my God, look at you.
Oh. Oh, my God, look at you.
Oh. Okay, honey. Good luck. l love you.
Oh. Okay, honey. Good luck. l love you.
Oh. There we go. Sorry about that.
Oh. There we go. Sorry about that.
Okay, cut it. Thank you, Bruce. Thanks, Ally.
Okay, cut it. Thank you, Bruce. Thanks, Ally.
Okay, fine. l don't need you.
Okay, fine. l don't need you.
Okay, God. You want me to talk to you?
Okay, God. You want me to talk to you?
Okay, l screwed up. Can l make it up to you?
Okay, l screwed up. Can l make it up to you?
Okay, okay, okay! l didn't mean it! l was just kidding !
Okay, okay, okay! l didn't mean it! l was just kidding !
Okay, Sammy, let's do it right, like all the other dogs.
Okay, Sammy, let's do it right, like all the other dogs.
Okay, you know what, honey? Let's go. Let's go inside.
Okay, you know what, honey? Let's go. Let's go inside.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. But the boss'll be right out.
Okay. But the boss'll be right out.
Okay. Give it to me. Come on ! No, no, no.
Okay. Give it to me. Come on ! No, no, no.
Okay. How many fingers am l holding up? Now, Bruce.
Okay. How many fingers am l holding up? Now, Bruce.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay. Now, you just go through this stack,
Okay. Okay. Now, you just go through this stack,
Okay. Put your wish in there. Me too.
Okay. Put your wish in there. Me too.
Okay. Thanks. Jack, can l talk to you a second?
Okay. Thanks. Jack, can l talk to you a second?
Okay. That did not happen, and no one needs to hear about it.
Okay. That did not happen, and no one needs to hear about it.
Okay. That is a good one. That is a good one.
Okay. That is a good one. That is a good one.
Okay. Well, honey, l just don't. . .
Okay. Well, honey, l just don't. . .
Omni Presents.
Omni Presents.
On Buffalo's biggest cookie.
On Buffalo's biggest cookie.
One million and five hundred forty seven thousand
One million and five hundred forty seven thousand
One more time, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble.
One more time, you're gonna be in a lot of trouble.
One of you might need a ride home.
One of you might need a ride home.
Ooh, baby.
Ooh, baby.
Or were you just too afraid to freeze your big, fat ass off?
Or were you just too afraid to freeze your big, fat ass off?
Order today and we'll throw in at no extra charge the video Sweatin' To Bruce.
Order today and we'll throw in at no extra charge the video Sweatin' To Bruce.
Organization and management is what l need.
Organization and management is what l need.
Other people want idiotic crap like getting married or having babies
Other people want idiotic crap like getting married or having babies
Other stories in the. . .
Other stories in the. . .
Our survey says, God ! Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing !
Our survey says, God ! Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing !
Outside of a canine training center in Buffalo, New York.
Outside of a canine training center in Buffalo, New York.
Pardon me. Bastard. Baxter, rather.
Pardon me. Bastard. Baxter, rather.
Part of the condition of us getting the exclusive.
Part of the condition of us getting the exclusive.
People underestimate the benefit of good old manual labor.
People underestimate the benefit of good old manual labor.
People want me to do everything for them.
People want me to do everything for them.
Perfect. Perfect.
Perfect. Perfect.
Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill, but the show must go on,
Pete's shoes are virtually impossible to fill, but the show must go on,
Please help me let him go.
Please help me let him go.
Please reach into my life. Hey!
Please reach into my life. Hey!
Please, God.
Please, God.
Please. They are definitely bigger. l mean, look. They feel huge.
Please. They are definitely bigger. l mean, look. They feel huge.
Pleasurable. Oh, God !
Pleasurable. Oh, God !
Pleasurable. Pleasurable.
Pleasurable. Pleasurable.
Positive. l. B. positive. Okay, sorry.
Positive. l. B. positive. Okay, sorry.
Possibly, the biggest breaking news story this town has ever seen.
Possibly, the biggest breaking news story this town has ever seen.
Pretty standard stuff anyway. l don't know.
Pretty standard stuff anyway. l don't know.
Protested last week's lottery results.
Protested last week's lottery results.
Put your wish in there. Look at that. Looks like a big wish.
Put your wish in there. Look at that. Looks like a big wish.
Quit bragging.
Quit bragging.
R Ewe Blind. No, but l'm late.
R Ewe Blind. No, but l'm late.
Ready for a miracle Ready, ready, yes, l am
Ready for a miracle Ready, ready, yes, l am
Really something, isn't it?
Really something, isn't it?
Relax and enjoy it. Oh, God.
Relax and enjoy it. Oh, God.
Right there! Thank you.
Right there! Thank you.
Rough stuff! l'm gonna hurt you. . .
Rough stuff! l'm gonna hurt you. . .
Run, man ! Run !
Run, man ! Run !
Sammy, it's her. She's logging on. She's praying right now.
Sammy, it's her. She's logging on. She's praying right now.
Say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but l say, No.
Say he find rat pellet in our pastry, but l say, No.
Say something. Bruce, talk.
Say something. Bruce, talk.
Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused
Scientists say the tsunami may have been caused
See you around, kid.
See you around, kid.
See, you just got to remember that the newsroom is like a big cookie.
See, you just got to remember that the newsroom is like a big cookie.
See. That's. . . That's what l'm talking about.
See. That's. . . That's what l'm talking about.
Seems to be in tune. Let's do this.
Seems to be in tune. Let's do this.
Seventh at 7:00 it is.
Seventh at 7:00 it is.
Sex scandal in the mayor's office for sweeps.
Sex scandal in the mayor's office for sweeps.
She deserved from me.
She deserved from me.
She has a rarey. Okay.
She has a rarey. Okay.
She just gave blood, and she still has enough left to fill up her face.
She just gave blood, and she still has enough left to fill up her face.
She kissed me. l didn't. . . l'm the kissee.
She kissed me. l didn't. . . l'm the kissee.
She prays.
She prays.
She'll take me back, right? Would you take you back?
She'll take me back, right? Would you take you back?
She'll take me back.
She'll take me back.
Shh !
Shh !
Shit!
Shit!
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
Shouldn't we be focusing on Pete's retirement?
Shouldn't we be focusing on Pete's retirement?
Show must go on, right?
Show must go on, right?
Since you're through with these, l think l'll keep them.
Since you're through with these, l think l'll keep them.
Smite me, O mighty smiter!
Smite me, O mighty smiter!
Smite me, O mighty smiter!
Smite me, O mighty smiter!
So as soon as you apologize and make a full reckoning of your transgressions,
So as soon as you apologize and make a full reckoning of your transgressions,
So come on down, or we'll just keep beeping you.
So come on down, or we'll just keep beeping you.
So far, 1 ,1 00 winning tickets have been turned in,
So far, 1 ,1 00 winning tickets have been turned in,
So he's gonna finish out the week, and l go live on Monday.
So he's gonna finish out the week, and l go live on Monday.
So how have you been doing? Good.
So how have you been doing? Good.
So is that what you think that we have? A mediocre life?
So is that what you think that we have? A mediocre life?
So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
So tell me, Mama. Why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
So that's what this is all about?
So that's what this is all about?
So the children of the neighborhood will be happy?
So the children of the neighborhood will be happy?
So what do l do?
So what do l do?
Some people are drenched, freezing to death on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat,
Some people are drenched, freezing to death on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat,
Somebody get him some water.
Somebody get him some water.
Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleasure.
Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleasure.
Sorry l'm late. Traffic was. . .
Sorry l'm late. Traffic was. . .
Sorry. Don't know you.
Sorry. Don't know you.
Sorry. Go on. Okay.
Sorry. Go on. Okay.
Sounds delicious.
Sounds delicious.
Spend their lives in the dark trying to hide from me.
Spend their lives in the dark trying to hide from me.
State officiaIs have suspended all lottery sales pending further investigation.
State officiaIs have suspended all lottery sales pending further investigation.
Stop it. No. Really?
Stop it. No. Really?
Straight up. You talk kind of funny, you know what l mean?
Straight up. You talk kind of funny, you know what l mean?
Sure, it's a little creepy and a shameless plug, but we love them.
Sure, it's a little creepy and a shameless plug, but we love them.
Surely l say unto you dudes, l do not wish to fight.
Surely l say unto you dudes, l do not wish to fight.
Susan, it's all yours.
Susan, it's all yours.
SUSAN: Hi, Bruce.
SUSAN: Hi, Bruce.
Susan? Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls,
Susan? Bruce Nolan is standing by at Niagara Falls,
Sweetie? Time to get up.
Sweetie? Time to get up.
Talk, honey. Talk. What's going on?
Talk, honey. Talk. What's going on?
Thank you for the Grand Canyon,
Thank you for the Grand Canyon,

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