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Home > The Benchwarmers (2006)
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The Benchwarmers (2006)

The Benchwarmers (2006)

The Benchwarmers is a hilarious comedy film released in 2006. Directed by Dennis Dugan, it features an all-star cast including Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder. The story revolves around three adult misfits who form a baseball team to compete against a group of arrogant young Little League champions. Determined to prove that even benchwarmers can excel in sports, they embark on a journey filled with outrageous challenges and humorous triumphs.

With its witty dialogue, slapstick humor, and memorable performances, The Benchwarmers offers an entertaining ride for viewers of all ages. The film's soundtrack sets the perfect tone for the comedic moments, enhancing the overall viewing experience. If you're a fan of this movie or simply want to relive the laughter, you can play and download the sounds of The Benchwarmers right here, immersing yourself in the joy and laughter found within this fun-filled film.

A Benchwarmer begging for a new start, just like me.
A chemical analysis of your pee shows you'd better
A gay video clerk
A round robin tournament
A tha lete.
A tool like you is ever gonna get.
Actually, his looks too... His looks a little bit too.
Actually, honey, it's...
Actually, just tell Mrs. Donnelly it's on the roof.
After all the greatest ballparks in America.
Against Carlos, because he's unhittable.
Ah, just a bunch of punks...
Ah, the bully thing affected my life pretty huge.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah! Ow!
Ah! Ow!
Ah. Well...
Ah...
Ah...
Ahh!
Ahh! [LAUGHING]
Ahh! Ahh!
Ahh.
ALL [CHANTING]: Gus Bus! Gus Bus! Gus Bus!
All right, Clark. Here we go. You're the man.
All right, Daytime Emmy.
All right, fine.
All right, honey. I love you. I'll see you later.
All right, I got a crazy one for you, Number 7.
All right, I'm sorry.
All right, you cocky jerks, you want the field so bad?
All right, you hit another homer! Oh, yeah!
All right! All right.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. Good throw!
All right. Hah.
All right. Let's have some fun!
All right. See you later, Sammy.
All right. See you, Jarrett.
All the online chat rooms
All these punk teenagers are like, Get off our field.
ALL: Aww...
ALL: Aww...
ALL: Benchwarmers!
ALL: Karl's!
ALL: Ohh!
ALL: What?
ALL: Whoa!
ALL: Whoa! Oh, Reggie.
ALL: Whoo!
ALL: Yeah!
ALL: Yeah.
Already been started.
And a smelly midget.
And a strikeout.
And a strikeout. Whoa. Yeah!
And Carlos is coming up.
And Clark Reedy?
And could knock the Benchwarmers out of the tournament.
And everybody in the school calls him Midget Boy or Yoda.
And fly it to... To Planet Booger or something.
And Gus was in my office constantly.
And have all the fun.
And have fun.
And he agreed to come and help us run some drills.
And he challenged the three of us to a game.
And he grew up to be smart
And he is one incredible ballplayer.
And he made my life miserable for years.
And I could hear the sadness in his voice.
And I just wanna tell all you kids
And I will find you!
And I... I pulled a muscle sliding into second base.
And if we don't go, that makes me a liar.
And it's all tied up.
And it's nothing but a lame story with lesbian sex scenes.
And jock hands together,
And keep it under a billion.
And laugh until they pee all over themselves.
And now our kids are going through the same tomfoolery.
And point us toward the register.
And pudding skin on wheat,
And Richie Bitchy playing baseball.
And Richie Bitchy playing baseball.
And Rizoll Into Semi Fizinals.
And sends the Benchwarmers to the finals.
And so many of you.
And so, I forgive my new friend, Gus,
And sweet and handsome.
And that is why...
And the Benchwarmers are down by one run,
And the Benchwarmers cling to a one run lead.
And the Benchwarmers win it, 5 4.
And the final game of Mel's Tournament
And the final game.
And then letting me rip one right in his mouth earlier.
And then moments after my old nemesis left...
And there's only one field to practice on.
And they win it?
And three of you. [CHUCKLES]
And Three Older Guys.
And we did. And we beat 'em.
And we're gonna get things going right now.
And we're like, We'll play you for it.
And welcome to the field the new Benchwarmers!
And went into the loony bin.
And who are now making up for lost time.
And win us a new stadium.
And you could use a little sun. Trust me.
And you didn't like it?
And you're also beating them
And you're also beating them
And, uh, I was wondering if...
ANNOUNCER: Let's give a round of applause
Another one!
Another strikeout.
Anyway, I told Reggie Reggie Oxen Free
Ar are you free for lunch tomorrow?
Are attempting their first wave ever.
Are exploding with enthusiasm.
Are these guys serious about this benchwarmer crap?
Are they any good?
Are we here? Losers!
Are you Gus Matthews? Eh. Ooh. Uh.
Are you kidding me?
Are you okay?
Are you serious? [CHUCKLES]
Are you the kid that got farted on earlier?
As all of you should.
As we head into the last inning.
As you are mine, Nelson.
At my funeral, Richie.
At Pizza Hut?
Aw! Chain break! Not now.
Awesome!
Awesome.
Back, back, back, back, back...
Bad idea. Call 911!
Bad. Chicks were checking you out.
Ball four. Take your base.
Ball three.
Ball!
Ball's still alive, chumps.
Baseball's America's pastime.
Batter up!
Be serious. This is important.
Because even though you didn't know it...
Because karma will be catching up with me.
Because of the full moon anyway,
Because of what you did in your past?
Because that would make you a hermaphrodite.
Because that's the only action
Because we'll kill those guys!
Because you know what it feels like to be left out.
Because you'll always be my best friends.
Because you're from Colorado.
Because, Richie, that won't solve anything.
Beef stew! Beef stew! Beef stew! Beef stew!
Behind you!
Benchwarmers baseball is on the internet.
Benchwarmers Get Hizzot
Benchwarmers on three.
Benchwarmers win a close one
Better come ready to play!
Better distance that time.
Between the Benchwarmers and Jerry's Lumber.
Beyotch yesterday.
Big deck.
Bobby, this one's coming for you.
Bonjour, dudes.
Boogers and dingleberries.
BOY 1: Strike him out quick. KYLE: Get this guy out.
BOY 2: We're still in the thing. TROY: It's okay. Next time.
BOY 2: Yeah.
BOY 4: What happened? BOY 5: Get up.
BOY 5: Get him! [ALL YELLING]
BOY: Around the horn.
BOY: Bring it on!
BOY: Get your position down.
BOY: Let's go. Turn two.
Brad have a pool?
BRAD: Guys, can you believe this crap?
BRAD: Let's get it on!
BRAD: Thattaway. Good job.
Bring it! Suck it!
Brookdale and Candia both advanced today.
Brookdale Glass is shattered.
Bros before ho's, dude.
Buddies for life. Thanks.
Buddy, just come with us.
Build your science projects.
But he's right. I was their principal back then,
But his philosophy stuff.
But I ticked it. It hit the bat.
But I'm feeling better.
But thank you.
But the dog barking threw me.
But there are nine of us
But what if we don't play,
But why would any of these teams agree to play
But why would any of these teams agree to play
But you get my point.
But you're twice his size.
But... I guess I could double up on lunch.
By attacking your weaknesses.
By Gretchen Peterson.
Can I be your scorekeeper and statistician?
Can I have tuna fish and Skittles...
Can I help you?
Can I help you?
Can I let you in on a secret?
Can I say something?
Can we do it?!
Can we have your autographs?
Can we hit with you?
Can you fix it?
Can't count it.
Carlos, you're drunk!
Carlos... we need tres more outs
CATCHER: Come on, Kyle, are you okay?
CATCHER: Move in.
Certainly.
Cheap o hit o, bicicleta.
Check my birth certificate.
Check out this mitt. It's all black.
Clark just made contact.
Clark Reedy. [GIGGLES]
Clark was. I was at home. GUS: They were with me.
Clark, don't pick your nose in front of me, please.
Clark, go!
Clark, look out!
Clark, Richie and I
Clark, we don't play baseball.
CLARK: He did it! He did it!
CLARK: Home run!
CLARK: I'm sorry! [MAN SCREAMS]
CLARK: Oh. I forgot my floaties.
CLARK: Whoa! GUS: This is it?
CLARK: Whoa.
CLARK: Yes!
CLARK: Yes! Woo!
CLARK: You all right?
CLARK: You can do it.
Clark?
Clark? Richie?
Clark... hold the bat.
Climb on her roof to get her paper.
Clork the Dork
Coach Bellows, Gus Matthews from the Benchwarmers.
Come on now.
Come on, guys, let's go. Come on. Run.
Come on, hombre. We need mucho home run o's.
Come on, let's do this!
Come on, Nelson, throw it in here!
Come on, Nelson!
Come on, now.
Come on, really burn it in.
Come on, Richie.
Come on, run it out!
Come on, strike out this loser!
Come on, Troy. Destroy him!
Come on, ump. He's ducking the ball.
Come on, weird guy!
Come on! Snap his femur!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Come on, come on. Come on.
Come on. Don't go.
Come on. Go!
Come on. Heave. Strike two.
Come on. It's kind of hot.
Come... Come on!
Coming down!
Cool. Let me see this.
Could you tell him to slow it down?
CROWD MEMBERS: Yeah. Yeah.
CROWD: Beef stew! Beef stew! MITCHELL: Stop it!
CROWD: Gus! Gus! Gus! Gus! Gus! Gus!
CROWD: Here we go, Richie, here we go!
CROWD: Oh!
CROWD: Ohh!
CROWD: Ohh!
CROWD: Weird guy! Weird guy! Weird guy!
Dance? We'll beat your ass.
Dang it.
Dang it. Nice throw.
Death to you. Titty twister!
Decided to show up.
Definitely. BRAD: Yeah.
Destroy them!
Diarrhea?
Did you mean Pacific Standard Time?
Did you say Brookdale?
Did you tell him?
Didn't taste as bad as you'd think.
Do not fret, my good man.
Do you feel you don't deserve a happy family
Do you hear me?!
Do you know where I packed my baseball mitt?
Do you need us to call your parents or something?
Do you remember episode number 38 of Dungeon Wars?
Does my mother have to sign a permission slip?
Don't chop at it. It's not a sword.
Don't come down here!
Don't know if you can leave work.
Don't swing if it's not in the strike zone.
Don't touch me!
Don't you, um, ovulate according to where you're born?
Down the hall, 12th door on the right.
Drives me crazy!
Dude, it's Dr. Dre.
Dude, this place is huge! Oh, wow.
Dude, you're in trouble.
Durrr.
Easy out here. Let's go.
Easy, Mel.
Edgar, let's get this Gus Bus on the road.
Ee.
Eh, maybe I'll see you at another game, hopefully?
Eight Ball, Bowling Ball...
Either he plays, or you forfeit the game.
Even though the giants made the elves' life hell.
Everything you need.
Ew. Ew.
Eww!
Excellent!
Excellent! That's insane.
Excellent. I mean, come on!
Excuse me?
Excuse me.
Excuse me. I never hit it.
Excuse me. Sir.
Fairy Jerry dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.
Fine. You can eat the Thin Mints
Fingers crossed.
First to bat, Richie Goodman.
Five broken windshields and six dead birds.
For a landscaping convention.
For all the nasty things I did to you when we were kids.
For destroying their village,
For Nelson and his buddies,
For the entire county.
For the neighborhood bullies.
For the prize.
For years I thought the sun was a monster.
Fresh off the presses of The Daily Shmegmer.
From a dog or a cat?
From Gus bullying me all the time.
From Gus bullying me all the time.
From the Captain Mighty series.
From the show Knight Rider.
Gentlemen, check it out.
Gentlemen, it is time
Gentlemen, let's eat.
Gentlemen, welcome to Chateau Shmegmer.
Gentlemen...
Get another homer for us, Gus.
Get it in here, pal! Get it in here.
Get out of my basement!
Get out there and annihilate those stinkweeds!
Get there! He's safe!
Get there! Run it out!
Get up here.
Getting my license for one more year.
GIRL: I love it!
Give a shout out to my main salad girl
Give the infield a workout. It's 17 0.
Go buy beer and tequila, and come right back.
Go, go, go! Go, Nelson!
Go, go, go! Gus, go!
Go, go!
Go, go. Go!
Go, Gus.
Go, Kyle.
Go! Get out!
Go! Go! Go home! Go! Go! Go home!
Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!
Go! He missed it!
God, he's a dick.
God, it worked! Clark got a hit!
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Good game. Drive home safe tonight.
Good going, Gretchen. Yeah!
Good going, Gretchen. Yeah!
Good hit, Kyle.
Good, and good for you.
Good. Really good. What are you doing?
Gotcha.
Gracias, albino. Now get lost!
Great game.
Gretchen, I know why you're taping your hands.
Gretchen, you almost had it.
GRETCHEN: Let's go!
GRETCHEN: Nelson, wait! Let's just go to my house!
Gu...
Gus Bus? Shut up, Troy.
Gus is the new Jet Li.
Gus is up. Clark's on third.
Gus Matthews was easily the biggest bully in Brookdale.
Gus Matthews, is not the man he's been saying he is.
Gus Matthews?
Gus wants us to hit some baseballs with him.
Gus, how sick is this?
Gus, that's just weird.
Gus, what do you think?
Gus, what should I do with this?
Gus, why didn't you play in high school?
GUS: Don't worry, you'll be fine.
GUS: Excuse me, can I get a napkin?
GUS: Get up there and take a swing.
GUS: Hey, Mel.
GUS: Hey, so whose house is this?
GUS: Howie?
GUS: I saw that demon boy laying beef
GUS: It's incredible.
GUS: It's not that scary.
GUS: Let's go, Richie! Oh, yeah.
GUS: No, no.
GUS: Oh, man.
GUS: Sweetheart, I just found out
GUS: This can't just be about me.
GUS: Way to go! Run it out!
GUS: Yeah, baby!
GUS: Yeah.
GUS: You got it! Way to run!
Gus!
Gus!
Gus! [LAUGHS]
Gus?
Gus. Maybe this'll relax you.
Gus. Sorry. Shoot.
Gus. we just had a run in with one of our old bullies
Gus. We're trying to start a family.
Guys, if there weren't nerds in the world,
Guys, we gotta tell Jerry. He's gonna love this.
Ha ha.
Ha ha. I got 11 foul ticks.
Ha ha. It was awesome.
Ha, ha, ha. I heard you stunk.
Ha! That is so cool!
Ha... Ho!
Hand me the mike, please.
Hand me the mike, please.
Hang in there, son!
Have been excluded from athletic activities.
Have just taken the field
Have set up several websites devoted to your team.
He actually teased this one midget boy
He apologized to me.
He came to visit me in my basement.
He can't hear us.
He didn't do the physical warfare.
He got a hit!
He got the wind knocked out of him.
He has more than paid his dues.
He is from the Dominican Republic,
He jumped all over it with the mean nicknames.
He just laughed and gave me a titty twister.
He made my life hell growing up.
He played the psychological card,
He shouldn't get a new start!
He told me a joke.
He used that too!
He wants to hurt me. He wants... Safe room.
He wasn't feeling well earlier, so I couldn't play him.
He'll go. Don't be scared. I don't wanna do that.
He's a huge fan of yours and the Benchwarmers.
He's a modern day Yoda. Yeah, yeah.
He's become quite the fart magnet
He's brought to all of us.
He's good. [GIGGLES]
He's got documentation. Come on.
He's killing anyone named Howie.
He's never played before.
He's never played either.
He's right. It is.
He's rounding third.
He's safe! He's safe!
Heat, schmeat.
Heh heh. Clark used to get beef
Heh. Stay away from the fairy dust, Jerry.
Hell, no, dude. I can't even catch.
Hello, everyone.
Help me!
Here comes a fastball.
Here comes Gretchen with the...
Here comes the lead run. And he is...
Here you go, Howie.
Here you go. There it is.
Here. Hold this.
Hey, Brad, why don't you be a stud
Hey, break it up!
Hey, check it out. ...a team of three grown men
Hey, could I, uh,
Hey, Dad, come down to the field, quick.
Hey, Dad, come here. Look.
Hey, fellas.
Hey, get him up. [ALL CHATTERING]
Hey, Gus.
Hey, Gus. Come on. Let's end this.
Hey, Gussie.
Hey, guys.
Hey, guys. How did hitting the balls go?
Hey, hey. Whoo hoo!
Hey, honey, I'm home.
Hey, I bet you're a real good catcher.
Hey, if I come to a game,
Hey, it's Gus, Clark and Richie. We're here to see Mel.
Hey, Marty, I'm gonna split early, all right?
Hey, mister. We have this field reserved.
Hey, mister. We have this field reserved.
Hey, Nelson.
Hey, Nelson. Hey, Nelson.
Hey, no shake for me.
Hey, Number 7.
Hey, Richie, are you off yet?
Hey, Richie, where's your brother?
Hey, Richie. I look like a mummy.
Hey, she's with me.
Hey, thanks, Mel.
Hey, thanks.
Hey, well, no coach, no field. Sorry.
Hey, what can I say? Baseball's in my blood.
Hey, what does beyotch mean?
Hey, you have to touch first base, kid.
Hey! Get off him!
Hey! Hey! What the...?
Hey! Shee.
Hey! What? It slipped.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Check out the little gnome.
Hey. Let's come back here later and hit some balls.
Hey. No way.
Hey. Run. Why? Wh... Oh!
Hey. Take him in the shade.
Hey. Thanks.
Hey. There he is.
Hey. What are you smiling at?
Hey. Who the hell's this guy?
His son just did that to me last week.
His soul will perish in the fire pit
Hit it, Mel!
Hitting, running, throwing, catching.
Hm? [CROWD CHEERING]
Ho ho ho ho! Yeah!
Ho ho ho. You can't handle the truth!
Ho ho. Look at that.
Ho ho. UMPIRE: Strike!
Ho, ho! Ho!
Ho! Yeah!
Hold, hold, hold, hold. Good job.
Holy crap. What is she doing here?
Home run!
Honestly, you have, uh, real natural athletic skills.
Honey, I was just having a little fun.
Hot potato!
Hot sun.
Hot.
Hot. Hot.
Hot. It burns. It burns.
How about the Black Bodybuilding Charlie Brown?
How about the Black Bodybuilding Charlie Brown?
How do they keep winning?!
How do you feel after that big win?
How is standing here gonna teach us speed?
How the hell will this work with three guys?
How you doing? Yeah. It's, uh... Wrong pipe.
How you feeling?
How's it going? There's my man.
How's Ms. Pac Man treating you?
HOWIE: Swings!
Howie! Come out here. The guys are here.
Howie! He just hit a home run!
Howie. Listen. Take this money,
Huh? Ahh!
Huh. Ahh.
Huh. No. No.
I also get a healthy smear of animal turds twice daily.
I also know why there's...
I always wondered who lived here.
I am 12.
I am on an ovulating schedule.
I am starting to get the fever.
I bet he'd be able to move on
I can help with your social studies homework later,
I can still catch pop flies.
I can't believe I looked up to you.
I can't do it by myself.
I can't find it.
I can't just learn a lesson and move on.
I can't reach it.
I can't stand that stuff.
I couldn't agree more.
I didn't do anything. I swear!
I didn't know athlete had three syllables.
I didn't know Denzel played Urkel. [CHUCKLES]
I don't even know who you are.
I don't get to work for an hour a day
I don't know what to say, guys.
I don't know.
I don't need lip from you, son of Satan.
I don't think I'll ever recover from that.
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I don't wanna talk about it.
I ended up in an institution as a child from...
I found it.
I found it.
I found my mitt, Liz. It was in the old trunk.
I got a gift for you.
I got it. I got it. You got it. You got it.
I got wedgies. That's different.
I gotta get these guys more involved.
I gotta run. Remember, Gus, 6:00.
I gotta take a leak.
I grew up on, uh, the North Pole.
I guess so.
I had hair on my ass before I could walk.
I hardly recognize you clowns
I hate everybody!
I have 20 eyes closed strikeouts,
I have 86 houses left.
I have to leave town this week
I have yet to perfect the peel out.
I hit 30 home runs.
I I don't know. I guess how much fun they're having.
I It was one of the best days of my life.
I just destroyed that Porta Potty,
I just didn't wanna deal with it.
I just finished another peanut butter sculpture.
I just know you guys better...
I just thought it was Clay Aiken or something.
I just wanted to say that was great,
I knew guys like that where I grew up.
I know. Sun, bad.
I know. This is the first one.
I like... salad.
I look like a Borack warrior
I lost contact with everybody there.
I love salad.
I love salad.
I made a mistake, Nelson.
I mean, not his looks,
I mean, um, i it's all right. I...
I might be a little busy getting my family started.
I need a refill. [LAUGHS]
I remember he especially picked so hard on one kid,
I rented this movie on your recommendation,
I saw a hat on my stuffed moose.
I smell cinnamon rolls.
I started losing my hair when I was 9 years old.
I think he just got the wind
I think I'm gonna puke. Grab my arm.
I think it's a goat.
I think there's two. You're a pig.
I think we are.
I think we got a free stadium!
I think we'll be fine.
I think your hair's the bomb, yo.
I thought I would never stop hating him.
I thought I'd give you one.
I thought we could have kind of a secret practice.
I thought you meant Central Mountain Time.
I thought your practice was at 4:30.
I ticked it again.
I told Gus we'd be there, Richie.
I tried to talk to Jerry about it.
I wanna give you my hat, Marcus.
I wanna go home.
I want you guys to meet an old friend of mine,
I wanted you guys to have a little edge today,
I was a cute kid.
I was freaking sleeping! [GASPING]
I was stupid, Marcus.
I was trying to get under it to rip it into left
I watched it with my parents. It was very uncomfortable.
I will rip your throat out!
I wish I could take it all back.
I would like nothing more than that.
I would've never have thought that was a wig.
I...
I... I was with Clark and Richie.
I... I'm gonna call the cops.
I'd be honored, Mel, but...
I'd like a turkey on white...
I'd like to beat his ass,
I'll have a peanut butter and jelly
I'll just have 80 year old Mrs. Donnelly
I'll kill you.
I'll mow this lawn later. Let's take this guy down.
I'll never forgive the kids who picked on me!
I'll play the outfield.
I'll see you around, buddy.
I'll try.
I'm afraid that if we have kids,
I'm already on my third candy bar.
I'm at 501 Shmegmer Street.
I'm freaking awesome.
I'm glad this is a big joke to you. What?
I'm gonna be a dad!
I'm gonna get you.
I'm gonna go ask our team.
I'm gonna recommend this: Haunted Slumber Party.
I'm gonna throw you one down the middle.
I'm good. I'm good.
I'm Gus. Gus Bus.
I'm here to support you.
I'm here to tell you that it's not a monster.
I'm in.
I'm just one of those nerds who grew up...
I'm K.I.T.T.
I'm not here to mess with...
I'm not here to mess with...
I'm not picking, I'm scratching.
I'm not playing in this stinking thing.
I'm Sarah, and this is my brother, Jarrett.
I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart.
I'm sorry, honey. We had another game today,
I'm sorry! Go back to sleep!
I'm sorry.
I've never actually, like...
I've never even been on a field.
I've never seen anybody stand up to Jerry like that.
If he might be interested
If I was blindfolded.
If we can beat them at their own game,
If we use the Force.
If you build it...
If you know Jarrett, you know his sister works at Pizza Hut.
If you need it.
In almost 20 years.
In babysitting our triplets in a year or so.
In boogers picked, so we got that.
In our exclusive internet podcast
In our neighborhood league so bad,
In some nice kid's mouth earlier today.
In the chest with the ball,
In the history of the universe.
In the pool!
In the store is free too, so...
In this tournament?
Instead, our team will consist

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