Friday the 13th (2009) Edit

A bowl.

About six months ago. We got in a fight, actually.

All right, give me something, baby. What you got for me? Give me something.

All right, this way.

All right, we have two bedrooms upstairs. We've got one down.

All right, you know what?

All right.

All right. Let's go.

All right. Let's go. Come on. Hurry.

All right. Let's see what you've got.

Amanda!

Amanda! Goddamn!

And here we have the stoned American male, foraging for food.

And she's in good hands. She's got her nurse right there.

And so does he.

Apparently there was one survivor.

Are you fucking with me? I got business I gotta do this weekend.

Are you looking for this?

Are you okay? You okay? Thank God.

Are you serious? There is a killer out there.

Aye, aye, captain.

Back to the palm of your hand. Technology, man.

Bad food, bugs, cheap toilet paper.

Bullshit! Richie's calling bullshit.

But I'm not your bro.

But I'm pretty sure, the way the story goes...

Came that close to hitting the start button on the whoop ass machine, boy.

Can you do me a favor? Will you take the gas cans to the boat?

Can you say that with a little more hatred?

Can you say that with a...? Wow.

Chelsea and Nolan left, like, hours ago to the lake.

Chew, you in there?

Chewie's on the ice.

Come on, baby. Drink up, drink up, drink up.

Come on, dude.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, man. I gotta get back to the fucking tent.

Come on, we can get through here.

Come on, we gotta go.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Do you want some exercise?

Come on. Shit.

Come on. What are you scared of?

Cool.

Crazy. Some drunken hoodlums.

Damn straight.

Did you forget how to drink that?

Do it. Fucking do it.

Do you know how many lakes are probably called Crystal Lake?

Do you wanna go for a hike? Get some exercise?

Don't come yet. No, no.

Don't drive my boat.

Don't smoke my weed, motherfucker.

Don't worry. He'll be fine.

Dude, if you're out there whacking off, man, that is not cool.

Dude, shut the fuck up. I'm calling bullshit.

Dude, there's one right there! Nice try.

Dude, we are way the fuck off.

Dude, what the fuck? Please, try not to burn down my house.

Dude, you jump out from a tree, I'm gonna punch you in your face, I shit you not.

Dude, you're gonna ask the one black guy to pump the gas for you? Shit.

Every single bottle of water is Crystal something.

Everyone's gonna be okay, all right? The cops are on their way.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Fine. Oh, no.

Follow me.

Forget about it. He'll fix it.

Fuck it.

Fuck that. I'm not drinking out of your sweaty ass sneaker.

Fuck you.

Fuck, yeah.

Fuck, yes.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucking douche bag. Skis. What the fuck?

Get away, get back!

Get out here!

Get out here. There's a guy out there.

Get the door.

Gina.

Give me a sec, I gotta change out my batteries.

Give me the gun.

Give me your hand, Jenna. Come on, hurry.

Give me your hand. Okay. I got you.

Go, go, go.

Go. Go.

Go. Go. Go, go, go! Jesus.

Goddamn winter catalog.

Gonna have to do.

Good times...

GPS to the layperson.

Grab a flashlight, you fucking idiot.

Guess I'm an asshole.

Guys, watch the floor, all right, please? That's stained oak.

Have sex with your boyfriend in a cramped little tent.

He said the cops came. They were looking for that Jason guy.

He was actually there.

He's using your friend as bait. He wants us to go out.

Hello?

Hello?

Help me, please. Trent.

Help me!

Help me!

Help me.

Help!

Help!

Her son, Jason...

Here it is.

Here. Here.

Here's to Daddy's shoes and fucking douche bags.

Hey, are you reading that right? I'm reading it right.

Hey, Chewie?

Hey, Jenna, fuck this guy. Let's get out of here.

Hey, Lawrence, how about a little help?

Hey, look. Take it easy, Trent, all right? I'll just... I'll walk you out.

Hey, new guy. Beer?

Hey, now.

Hey, you wanna slap that ass one more time for Daddy?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Do you know how much money we're gonna make selling this weed?

Hey. It looks like you.

Hey. This is a great spot.

Hi, I want to report a homicide.

Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for my sister and...

Hide.

Holy crap.

Holy fuck!

How about I pay, you pump?

How are they gonna pull off the getaway? We're leaving in the same car.

Hurry.

Hurry.

Hurry.

I am more afraid to be eaten by mosquitoes.

I brought Sweet Lucille. I think you all need to meet her.

I can't die like this.

I can't fucking...

I didn't think this long ass car ride was gonna be worth it...

I do not have a car, but I do have her.

I don't eat fish.

I don't know, she's always been the responsible one.

I don't know. Over there?

I even love you.

I forgot, did you wanna buy some weed?

I got eight seconds, then I'm going.

I got marshmallow on my knee.

I got marshmallow on my knee.

I have a better shot at fucking a penguin than that girl.

I just... No, I can fix this. I just need some tools.

I knew there was a reason to be your friend, Trent.

I love you.

I mean, you've been up here for quite a while yapping, so...

I think we're good.

I wanted to ask you if maybe you've seen somebody.

I wish I had, man.

I would probably leave soon before I get pissed off and, you know...

I'll surprise you every time.

I'm a fucking idiot.

I'm gonna kill you.

I'm here. Right in the middle of nowhere.

I'm not gonna go out there with a boner.

I'm serious.

I'm sure it does.

I'm the only one that drives the boat, okay?

I've already called. They're not looking for her anymore.

I've killed all the others.

If it was up to me, you could wallpaper the whole place with them...

If we were all out here starving to death and you were dead...

If you're...

In my next life...

Is anyone getting a signal out here?

Is this all we brought to drink? No Heineken?

It is un fucking believable.

It means you're a sociopath.

It was a present, actually. But I'm looking for my sister.

It'll be easier for you than it was for Jason.

It'll fuck your shit up, boy.

It's a big motherfucker, huh?

It's a GPS.

It's just you, baby.

It's like Crystal Geyser, Crystal Water. Go to a supermarket.

It's like it was dragged here from another century.

It's like, Oh, thank you, GPS. I'm gonna send a signal to you.

It's okay.

It's on the south end of the lake. Just take a right onto Town Road.

It's your fucking loss, dude.

Jason.

Jenna, where's the phone?

Jenna?

Jenna. Jenna, come on. Where you going?

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, where are the police?

Just relax, okay? These guys are your guests.

Kill for Mother.

Killed all these counselors.

Know what? Wait. Maybe we should check these cabins out, you know?

Lagavulin, product of Scotland.

Let Daddy have a little lick.

Let it go, Trent. It's not me. This guy's being a dick.

Let's go finish this.

Let's go. Watch out.

Let's just check out this last cabin, then we'll head back.

Like two seconds ago, that I don't know you.

Look at how old this shit is.

Look, don't put me in a box, all right?

Look, I didn't plant this shit, Richie, okay?

Look, I just came in here to ask you something, okay?

Look, I told, all right? You can't get a handle on me.

Look, we're gonna stop here.

Lucille? Baby, is that you?

Might wanna try looking someplace else. That's what the other families are doing.

Mike, don't go in there. What if some homeless person lives here?

Mom got hers.

Music. I'm trying to start a label.

My house, my rules. I'm not drinking that shit.

My name is Trent. My daddy bent me over this chair...

My parent's cabin is stocked. You think you're actually gonna get laid?

My sister.

Nice. Shit.

No homeless person lives here.

No one is, except for me.

No, go get him. Tell him to leave us alone.

No, man. Don't go out there. Please.

No, no, no.

No, no. He's gotta get going. You got flyers to pass out, right?

No.

No.

No. I just wanted to have a good weekend. You know?

No. No.

No. No.

No. That's okay. It's... It's okay. It's getting kind of late.

No. We're close, I think.

Nolan!

Nolan?

Nolan.

Nothing.

Now, this is a man's sport.

Oh, come on.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay.

Oh, God. You scared the shit out of me, bro.

Oh, I heard about that. That's sad.

Oh, jeez. He went to camp around here.

Oh, man down. Take it easy, guys.

Oh, man.

Oh, my God, baby. Getting close.

Oh, my God, please.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yep.

Oh, my God. Babies have more space in the uterus.

Oh, my God. Look at this shit.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What the fuck?

Oh, my...

Oh, my... Fuck. Jesus, God, no.

Oh, really? Oh, okay, fine.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Fuck!

Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

Oh, well...

Oh, wow. Your tits are stupendous.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah? Like what kind? Like rap?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you like the balls in your hand, huh?

Oh!

Oh! Ow.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, it's overtime. Line change.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay. All right, Trent. Let me educate you.

Okay. Shit.

Okay. So just get behind me. I'm not gonna pay for that shit.

One of those kids was her boyfriend, right?

One of you has gotta shoot the boot.

Our mother just died of cancer. Did I tell you that?

Perfect. We'll camp here.

Pick it, pick it.

Please don't hurt me.

Please, help me.

Please.

Police, open up.

Poor people call this a house. Jesus Christ.

Rap.

Really?

Richie, stop fucking around.

Richie?

Richie?

Right?

Right.

Right.

Run! Run, Whitney!

Satellite gets it, turns it around.

Say hi to Mommy...

Say, Richie, old buddy, I'm gonna bounce.

See, you just don't know my sister. That's not possible.

Seriously, I found a fucking shit ton of it growing out there. A little bushel.

She ain't missing. She's dead.

She came camping up around here with some friends...

She kind of had to, I guess.

She was sick for a long time...

She's been missing for about a month.

She's pretty.

Shh.

Shit, fuck.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. Hey, hey, hey.

Shit. Where the fuck are you, gun?

Shit. You scared the piss out of me.

Shoot the boot, shoot the boot, shoot the boot.

Shoot.

Shut the fuck up!

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Signal.

Sir, thank you very much anyways.

So does who?

So when's the last time you talked to her?

So where you off to next?

So you and your sister must be pretty close.

So you don't wanna be friends? You don't wanna hang out?

Somebody better not be stealing the kerosene up there.

Somebody, help.

Somebody's gotta do something!

Son, I know you think we're not on your side...

Sorry about that.

Sorry.

Stupendous?

Sure. Yeah.

Take that, motherfucker.

Thank you.

Thank you. Where'd you get a knapsack like that?

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. So we have two waters and some gas.

That must be the camp that Wade was talking about.

That shit ain't fucking right, dude. What the fuck?

That was...

That'd be nice, but, well, I can't exactly leave them here alone.

That's a ugly fucking chair anyway.

That's all right. It's his house, you know?

That's all right. It's his house, you know?

That's disgusting.

That's not what you told me.

That's payment for being a douche bag.

That's probably it.

That's so funny, I just said that.

That's what I do.

That's you, babe.

The story could have happened anywhere. It's how they get kids to shit themselves.

There's no gun, no keys, nothing. Let's go.

There's something out there.

These are heavy and it's hot. Where are we?

They bring trouble.

They definitely don't have Fritos. And this is...

They don't call me wood wizard because I masturbate.

They relax. You need to fucking relax.

They said they're sending someone.

They're just fucking with us.

This better not go on the fucking Internet.

This girl...

This guy sends a signal up into outer space.

This is bigger than the dorm.

This is Pabst Blue American Ribbon, my friend.

This should be interesting.

To say the least, yeah.

Tomorrow morning, you and me, we get up at dawn. We go, we find the crop.

Trent, don't you get it? Chelsea and Nolan never came back.

Trent! Bree!

Trent... Get the fuck out, buddy.

Uh...

Um...

Very charming. Very charming.

Wade, you gotta bounce, dude. Tell your dumb shit to somebody else.

Wade.

Wade.

Wade. Wade!

Wade. Wade.

Wasn't Jason the name from Wade's story?

Watch your step.

We can get hammered, blow some chunks in the woods.

We just wanna be left alone.

We were pretty close when we were younger. We kind of drifted.

We're, like... We're, like, a half mile away.

Welcome back, Clay.

Well, fuck it, let the perv watch.

Well, is he here? Maybe I could talk to him. Maybe if he understands the situation...

Well...

What are you doing, Nolan?!

What are you talking about?

What business?

What do you think they're gonna do?

What do you want from me?

What does that say about me that the second Trent said...

What happens then?

What is that?

What is that?

What the fuck was that?

What the...?

What?

What's this? No, no! No! No!

What's up, beaver bear?

Where are the keys?

Where is everybody? There's a guy out there carrying a dead body.

Where's he going?

Where's the phone?

Where's your car?

Which one? Which one is it? Is that the one?

Whitney, you've gotta see this.

Whitney!

Whitney! Whitney.

Who wants to go check it out?

Why are you doing this?

Why is he in my house?

Why you gotta go racial?

Will you get me a beer?

Would you mind if I maybe just put a flyer in the window or something?

Wow, look at that.

Wow.

Wow. Nice, huh?

Yeah, I'm at a house by Crystal Lake. It's...

Yeah, it's me. Obviously, I'm the one being a dick.

Yeah, just go. Go. Just fucking do it.

Yeah, okay. I'm just... Trent, I'm sorry, man.

Yeah, they can go. Take off my pants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep. I'm sorry.

Yes.

Yes.

You can drink that, by the way. Yours, hers, mine. I swear, piss is sterile.

You can grease wheels with this shit.

You can stop now.

You do realize this camp was closed down, like, 20 years ago?

You do that, brother. Okay. I'm spent.

You fucking jerk, you found the weed.

You fucking with me because I'm high? That's not cool. I just finished smoking.

You got perfect nipple placement, baby.

You gotta watch out for mountain lions. They're all over.

You guys, I can see him. He's coming.

You have never used this shit.

You know how many thousands of people disappear every year...

You know what makes me happy, Richie? Global positioning systems.

You know what? Why don't both of you just get the fuck out?

You leave with this guy for eight hours, fucking all over the woods?

You like that, bitch? You know you do.

You mean that, Officer Bracke?

You need to be punished for what you did to him.

You okay? Yeah.

You people are rich.

You really should call the police.

You remember that special night we had?

You remember when you took my virginity?

You should win in a fucking titty contest.

You sure? Yeah.

You think we should take the boat out? He's gonna find out.

You wanna find out who's really scared? Let's do it.

You won't be disappointed.

You, baby. It's all you. Stop peer pressuring me.

You'll see when a mountain lion comes out...

You're even curved to the left, like my penis.

You're fucking lucky there, stretch.

You're inhibited. You talk a big game, but inside you're just a scared little girl.

You're right, that was dumb. So, what kind of music?

Your parents do not have Combos or Funyuns.

Aquafina. The...

Are you serious? Yeah.

Back here before breakfast, okay? Hey.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Mm hm.

Come on, you guys, let's go. Can you break it?

Do you want some company? I'd love some company.

Go. Do not move, okay?

Guys. Guys. Nobody knows a thing.

Have fun. Later.

He can fix it. You better pull some MacGyver shit.

Help! We got officers down. My keys are gone. Where are my keys?

Hey! Oh, shit. Jesus.

Hold still. Hold your hands. Hurry up, hurry.

Hoodlums? Hoodlums.

How's that beer, beer snob? Better than my own piss.

I gotta follow him. He had a dead body.

I just wanted to ask you a question. Hush.

I knew it. What?

I love hikes. I knew it.

I mean, steal the deer head? You're right.

I saw you with a bowl the other night. No, you...

I'm almost there. Shit. I heard something.

I'm not bullshitting. Bullshit.

Ignore her. Come on, guys.

Just go over there and fucking talk to her. Are you kidding me?

Lawrence, you've been cheating. No.

Less. Shut up.

Let's check it out. No, I wanna go this way.

Let's just all be one big happy cliché. Yes.

Let's light this bad boy. Great.

Looks like some kind of a doll. Are you crazy?

May I? Yeah.

Mike! Mike! Run.

Mike. Mike, get up. Come on. Go!

Mike. Mike, Mike, Mike. Get out!

Nice. I trust you.

Nice. Thanks.

No luck? No. No, not yet.

No, I think I'm gonna... Oh, no. Don't do that again.

No, it doesn't. Yeah, it does.

No, just break it, just break it. Okay.

No, sir. Well, she did.

No, we're not, act... Yes.

Oh, fuck. Oh, God. Oh, God. Clay.

Oh, God. Clay. Clay. No. No.

Oh, no. Oh, shit.

Oh, thank God. Go, go.

Okay, fine. Okay.

Okay? Okay.

Phone's dead. Do you have a cell? Nothing has a signal.

Really? Yeah.

Sell you some. No. Thanks.

Someone's coming. Oh, shit. Let's go.

Stay here. No.

Sure. Come on.

Take a right. Okay, and then?

Take care. You too.

Technology, right? See you.

Tell me when you want to. Wait.

Thank you. Sure.

That's really sweet. Yeah. Thank you.

The ephemeris data just didn't sync up. Oh, dude, that sucks.

There's a bigger problem... Shut up.

This thing runs? Yeah. Yeah, it runs.

This way. Come on. Okay.

Those feel good, don't they? That's the one.

To all the felching... No. No.

We gotta get out of here. I don't wanna hit you.

What are you doing? Is he inside? He killed the cop.

What do you wanna do first? What do you wanna do?

What was that? Let me out!

What? People go missing around here...

What? We gotta go.

Where is everybody else? I don't know. I've been here all day.

Where you guys going? Go make out.

Where's your sense of adventure? Oh, come on.

Whitney. Clay. Clay!

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. Let's go.

Yeah. Okay.

Yes! My fucking eye!

You all right? I'm okay, I'm okay.

You know what rich people do? What?

You sure? I got a whole bunch of it. I'm good.

You're really good at that. Mm hm.

Your tits are fucking just... I know.

...and beat me when I was little, so you need to fix it.

...and I need someone to practice it with.

...and I never showed.

...and she's gone missing.

...and suck.

...and Whitney took care of her every single day.

...as one of the buttons on the ass pocket of her jean shorts.

...blow...

...but the owner makes the rules.

...Don't take my boat out, it was guaranteed that I would.

...even in this state alone?

...fucker.

...he came back.

...I don't think I'm gonna stay the whole time.

...I wanna come back...

...I'd eat your leg.

...in the palm of your hand. Know what this little fucker does?

...not for sex.

...pussies of the world.

...she cut that lady's head off with a machete.

...so juicy, dude.

...that we're just a bunch of dumb country hicks out here.

...they probably just took off together.

...welching... Yes.