Scary Movie (2000) Edit

A brutal killing spree that left one teen dead...

A friend gave 'em to me. Cindy. Cindy.

A small college town is in shock...

A small dick's like a disability, man!

A terrible tragedy and an unbearable loss.

Absolutely fantastic.

Acting. I'll be doing a dramatic reading.

After the unthinkable has happened:

Ah, yes. Here. Put this on with it.

Ah! I will not be ignored by the likes...

Ah! Okay, turn around.

Ah. Okay.

All right, all right. Hold on a second.

All right, Cindy. I'm gonna have to take you down to the station.

All right, fine, fine. But you know what? I'm gonna look around some more, so...

All right, knock it off, Buffy.

All right!

All the ingredients to make a high ****a pie.

All the way, man! Yes, yes. Watch this. Watch this. Doofy!

And a great behind

And apparently, some legs are gonna get broken.

And he's black and he'll kick your ass.

And he's too cool for school

And I cannot marry the daughter of Sir Robert De Lesseps.

And I don't know who to tell.

And I'll do her behind behind and behind

And if I wanna fuck long I let my ding a long hit the bong

And if you mess with him you know you'll never win

And in case you haven't noticed, so is Ray.

And it began on May 25, 1787 in Philly with George Washington.

And it states, and I quote...

And it's where hormone driven teens love to come and fool around.

And let them flow.

And make sure you take your behind to class today.

And me and Ray are the only survivors of a maniac's revenge.

And number three is the winner!

And remember, never, ever believe someone...

And rule number three: Whatever you do, never look back.

And so, the First Amendment gives us the right to say what we want...

And the police have asked us to give you the following safety tips.

And the sick bastard planted drugs all in the house there.

And then it started to get wild, and people was getting freaky in the pool and stuff.

And then the song Always pass the dutchie to the left

And then we heard a noise out there, so he went to go check it, but...

And they're off! It's number three in the lead. Number two close behind.

And this small town shaken and stirred.

And we never mention this again.

And we would play bump bump?

And what will be your talent for this evening?

And you're about to be slaughtered next?

And, uh, get to know each other a little better?

And, uh, yeah. Yeah, the one and only...

And, you know, if you're not ready...

Any better than anyone else

Anybody else?

Anytime, dear.

Anyway, everybody was drinking Cristal champagne.

Are you all alone?

Aren't they beautiful?

Around the planet fans demand it and you'll never understand it

At least security can get you backstage. She don't love herself.

Aw, man! What can we use to make a bong?

Aw. I love you too, baby.

Back up! Let him through!

Bad

Because baking powder guys will have muffins growing out of their nose.

Because he's just messing with us.

Because he's too cool for school

Because the right way is wrong

Bitch!

Bobby, I told you...

Bobby, look at my car, man! My dad's gonna freak!

Bobby, turn around! It's the killer!

Bobby, what are you doing? My dad's in the other room.

Bobby, where were you tonight?

Bobby! Bobby!

Bobby! Oh, Bobby!

Bobby?

Bobby.

Buffy and Greg are dead?

Buffy Gilmore doing a dramatic reading.

Buffy, wait. You have to go back onstage.

Buffy, you told him?

But don't tell everyone, okay? Try to keep it quiet.

But either way it goes, I'm gonna tell you all the rules to survive this situation.

But Ginger was such an important part of the Spice Girls.

But here's the genius part.

But I found somebody else.

But I'm not going to jail. You got that?

But that wasn't planned or anything.

But you might wanna check the back door first.

But, Dad, you were here. You were in the closet.

Bye, Cind.

Can't you see he's just hungry?

Cancelin' TV shows does!

Care initials in your liver Make you quiver

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Cindy, come on. We'll just pretend it never happened.

Cindy, he shot me in the lungs.

Cindy, I want to ask you some questions about Drew Decker.

Cindy, it's for you.

Cindy, telephone.

Cindy, you know me. Cindy.

Cindy!

Cindy! Cindy!

Cindy. Call me. Call me.

Cindy. Cind.

Cindy. Cindy! Cindy!

Close your eyes. No peeking.

Come back here, you motherfucker! You son of a bitch!

Come here, Bobby! I want it now!

Come here, Bobby! I want it now!

Come here, girl. Bring your little sexy ass over here. Come on!

Come in, dear. Have a seat. Take off your bra if you'd like.

Come on out here, you sick fuck!

Come on, man! Hey, Bobby, put on some music.

Come on, y'all! I'm gonna get y'all!

Come on! Give it to me! Give it to me!

Come on.

Come on. It'll be all right.

Could what?

Cut your tongue out Feed it to a trout

Dad!

Dad! Are you okay?

Daddy, no! No!

Daddy! Daddy!

Daddy! Daddy!

Daddy'll get you out, honey.

Damn, girl. Mm mm mm.

Damn, this is some scary shit!

Damn.

Damn. Who do I have to screw around here to get a stupid story?

Deliver Yeah, that'd be nice

Did I Know What You Did Last Summer make any sense?

Did I tell you how sexy you look in my jersey?

Did you just say that you, uh, you went poopie?

Do it wild and you know we get busy Just so y'all can feel

Do it wild and you know we get busy Just so y'all can feel

Do it. Yeah. Ooh, so fucking sexy.

Do not travel alone whenever possible. Always wipe front to back.

Do you know what they do to young boys in prison?

Do you know where I am?

Do you know who I am? I'm Miss Teen. You're really giving me a headache.

Do you like what you see

Don't admit to kick it, slick You thick derelict critic

Don't ask me why Don't make me lie

Don't even contest 'Cause I'll make you undress

Don't go in there!

Don't let Uncle Ray catch you!

Don't look at me like that!

Don't think so! And what about the sequel? Huh? What the hell was with that fat, white Jamaican kid?

Don't want the whole story Should have bought the Cliff Notes

Don't worry, 'cause I never forget.

Don't worry.

Don't you see? He's got us right where he wants us.

Drunk white women for everybody!

Either I'm a prisoner, or worse, dead.

Enjoy the ride

Exactly one year after we...

Except for the big head and glazed over look in your eyes.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Heather, Heather, can you tell us what you're feeling, honey?

Feel me, feel me, feel me

Feel me, feel me, feel me

Feel me, feel me, feel me

Feel me, feel me, feel me

Feel this bitch as I go for the three

Feminine odor and itching got you down?

For Christ's sake, will you just shut your trap!

For our lives to be over

Fry 'em in a pan Shoot it out my can

Fuck outta here. Ain't nobody stabbin' me.

Fuck you!

Full speed. Charge!

Gail Hailstorm standing out front of the police station...

Gail swallows.

Get off! Hey, yo, get off! His drawers are mine! Hey, yo!

Get, get that camera off me!

Give it up for Buffy Gilmore! Wonderful!

Give me that.

Go ahead. Call the cops.

Go ahead. Do it again. Do it again.

Go on, girl. Put it on.

Go on.

Go on. Pull it. Pull it up.

God, Cindy... Oh, shit!

God. Look at this place.

Goddam it! Son of a bitch!

Goddam!

Gonna slit your throat Fuck you like a goat

Good night, Bobby.

Got a boil on my ass the size of a walnut. You know, the usual.

Great White Dope

Great White Dope Great White Dope

Great White Dope Great White Dope

Great White Dope Great White Dope

Great White Dope Great White Dope

Greg, chill. Come on. You're hurting her. Greg.

Greg, hold on!

Greg, you're not the only one who got one.

Guess it's been a while.

Hack off your head and that's just a start

Half the people want me Half the people want me dead

Handsome, smart, good in bed.

Hang on to your seat, baby, 'cause this one's a screamer!

He always knows just when the time is right

He comes alive when the sun goes down

He gets it right You know he's always down

He never shows what he's thinking He keeps it inside

He walks alone under the big city lights

He's an operator He's a real player

He's gonna turn up. I'm sure of it. He's probably at my house...

He's gonna turn up. I'm sure of it. He's probably at my house...

He's got one eye open and his ear to the ground

He's killing him!

He's killing him!

He's real!

Heather, has it crossed your little mind that your boyfriend was probably murdered...

Hello, Drew.

Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Who is this?

Hello? Who's there?

Hello. Due to the recent tragedy, the sheriff and me, your principal...

Hello. Hey, girl. Uh uh. I'm in the movie. Uh huh.

Hello. I'm Gail Hailstorm, author of the book You're Dead, I'm Rich.

Help! Help!

Help! Oh! Now I'm gonna fall and break my leg, leaving me helpless.

Here she comes Miss Teen She's So Fine

Here we are again.

Here you go, baby.

Here you go, sir. A nice sandwich for ya.

Here, Sheriff. They wanted me to give this to you.

Here. Take one, guys. Don't forget: election's Tuesday.

Hey, baby.

Hey, Cind. Got your ice pack for your hand.

Hey, do that thing from Baywatch! She's running down the beach!

Hey, do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?

Hey, Doofy, smell my fingers.

Hey, Doofy, what do you say you and I go inside my van over there...

Hey, Gail.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey. No peeking. No peeking. Turn around.

Hey, nice.

Hey, put this on with it.

Hey, Terry, smell my finger.

Hey, we're gonna get that guy you dumped in the water. Yeah.

Hey, who is that?

Hey, would you settle for PG 13?

Hey, yo, check it, yo. Fuck a cheap bong

Hey, yo, dog. Does this shirt make me look gay?

Hey, yo, Greg, man, what's up? You gonna hit the showers or what?

Hey, yo, I'm sick of artificial MCs like silicone titties

Hey, yo, we run these streets Puttin' on the great city

Hey, yo, we run these streets Putting on the great city

Hey, you guys hear that?

Hey, you know what? I'm gonna go, uh, hit the head. You want me to bring you back anything?

Hey, you're right, Cindy. Maybe we should call the police.

Hey! Cindy, that was an accident.

Hey! Hey, no running.

Hey! Hey, please! That's my dad's!

Hi. Gail Hailstorm, author of the new book You're Next.

Hi. Gail Hailstorm. Field Reporter, Hard Story.

Hike!

His name was David Keegan. Some fishermen found his body a few weeks later.

Hold on. Here, put this on.

Hold on. Hold on. Put him down. He's heavy. Oh, God.

Horsey. Oh, you scared me too.

How about this for a motive? Lack of sex!

Huh? Would you make fun of a guy in a wheelchair? Huh? Would you?

Hurry up, man. Don't be long.

I am here for you.

I am ready.

I am so scared right now.

I am so sorry.

I am sorry if my complicated life...

I am the angel of def with my rhymes against humanity

I bet it's just Greg playing another one of his dumb jokes.

I can't feel my legs.

I can't keep fighting these urges.

I could be anywhere. I'm like the wind, baby.

I cut off Oscar Meyer's weiner I stick it in a bun

I did. But abstinence can make you discover new things about yourself.

I didn't see it. It It It c came out of nowhere.

I don't get it. He lives so close.

I don't know why y'all is actin' like this.

I don't know why you hang out with her.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. But he was there, Buffy.

I don't know. Some ****as started shooting up in the movie theatre, so we just broke out.

I don't think so.

I don't think that I'm a sell out but I do enjoy coke

I don't wanna wait

I feel you, dog.

I got a Ph.D. in how to use my cutlery

I got a poopie.

I got one too.

I got one. I got one. I got one. Here it goes. Ready?

I got papers, blunts, bongs...

I guess this is the big climax. Hope you don't mind if I fake it.

I have a terrible secret.

I have been so selfish.

I have to go to class.

I have to just give in to them...

I haven't seen him around. Is he pissed?

I heard Bobby got out this morning.

I just want to say...

I just want you to look at some photos. Tell me what you think.

I knew there had to be something. He's just too perfect.

I know we've been together a long time...

I know you better get outta my face!

I know you've had a rough night, Cindy, so I won't keep you.

I know. Just as I thought. The murder is happening as we speak.

I like it. Hey, get up. Go Go over there. Let me see it.

I liked me so much I had to buy the company

I look over and there was your girl getting buck wild in the Jacuzzi.

I make you kneel and squeal as I turn you to a beal

I mean, I've fucked him a couple of times, but that's it.

I mean, that's nasty. That's That's lower than the security guard.

I mean, what do you think we're in, a horror movie?

I need to talk. See, I have this problem...

I never could wait to get to the chewy middle.

I only touched it, the top of the breast.

I promise you pain

I promise you pain I'm totally insane

I promise you pain I'm totally insane

I promise you pain I'm totally insane

I promise you pain I'm totally insane

I promise you pain I'm totally insane

I said don't disturb me when I'm cleaning my room!

I see dead people.

I spill blood on the walls then play tennis with your balls

I still know what you did last Halloween.

I struck gold but never took it for granite that's how I planned it so can it

I think I paid my money like everybody else up in here.

I think my arm is broken.

I think she wants a motive.

I think we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen. Miss Buffy Gilmore!

I think we hit something.

I thought I told you not to have a party unless I was here.

I thought the killer got to you before I could.

I wanna go upstairs. There's something I wanna show you.

I wanna see what your insides look like.

I wanna smoke Cheech and Chong

I was only half serious. I mean, I don't wanna rush you or anything.

I was, uh, home watching The Exorcist, and it got me thinking about you.

I wouldn't wanna break your little underwear rule, now, would I?

I'd like to feed all the hungry little children of the world.

I'd like to help you out, kid, but it's sweeps. Sir, sir, can I get a word with you? Sir!

I'll be next door if you need me.

I'll chop the virgin beaver with my shiny butcher's cleaver

I'll dissect your heart Rip your entrails apart

I'll give you a big clue.

I'll kick the shit out of you right now! All right?

I'll put the scary, scary movie Make people do a dooby

I'll see you later. Ciao, Ding. All right.

I'll slit you ear to ear You know what

I'll understand.

I'm a bad ass killer Ain't nobody iller

I'm a bad ass killer There ain't nobody iller

I'm a Denny's surprise I'll scoop out both of your eyes

I'm cool, though, right?

I'm flying solo but don't know if I can stop

I'm going to try and break into the bloodshed. Are you getting this?

I'm gonna cleave your gut Treat you like a slut

I'm gonna gut you like a pig!

I'm gonna slash and gash Cut another hole in your ass

I'm gonna slice and dice 'cause murder's my vice

I'm gonna slit your throat Fuck you like a goat

I'm hard to come by like a straight guy working at Starbucks

I'm here at Lover's Lookout.

I'm in the house.

I'm just gonna take a bath, and then I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm not playing with your ass.

I'm on a rocket ship to a mother ship

I'm on TV! Oh, shit! First Cops, now this!

I'm sorry, but, uh, my sources are strictly confidential, Sheriff.

I'm sorry, Cindy. It wasn't the man you guys killed.

I'm sorry. Please understand.

I'm the bad ass killer There ain't nobody iller

I'm the bad ass killer There ain't nobody iller

I'm the bad ass killer There ain't nobody iller

I'm the bad ass killer There ain't nobody iller

I'm the king of the world!

I'm the last thing you see I'll hang you from a tree

I've been in this game a long time. Don't bullshit a bullshitter, all right?

Idolized or despised Bet I'm getting recognized

If the phone rings don't answer the call

If the phone rings don't answer the call

If this is about the time I puked green slime and masturbated with a crucifix...

In the end, eventually dies

Is an inconvenience to your perfect existence.

Is it true the police have someone in custody?

Is the coast clear?

Isn't she the daughter of, uh, well, you know...

It can cause serious deviant behavior.

It has to be him, Sheriff.

It just occurred to me I never climbed through your window before.

It seems there are no witnesses available at this time.

It starts to unravel the very moral fabric of our society.

It was a good ass show, and we didn't even get a final episode!

It's a circus.

It's a shame how she died, you know? She was such a nice girl.

It's all a movie, baby.

It's all about the money

It's all my fault.

It's an old police trick. You didn't fall for it. Good for you, kid.

It's dark, it's in the middle of nowhere...

It's days like today that we need prayer in school.

It's gonna be okay, baby. It's gonna be okay. I promise.

It's gonna be okay, Bobby.

It's like sucking on a Tootsie Roll Pop.

It's me, Cind.

It's me, Cind.

It's my turn. Give me the knife.

It's not the size of the hammer, it's the nail you're throwing it at!

It's okay. It's okay. It's just like...

It's the inevitable return, baby of the Great White Dope

It's the inevitable return, baby of the Great White Dope

It's very, uh, '70s of you.

Its 400 passengers and crew on a maiden voyage to a brave new world.

Jeez. I see, yeah.

Jesus. Okay, look. On three we dump him over the ledge, all right?

Just check that one out again.

Just forget it, Shorty. You already know too much.

Just give me a moment. Ah. One...

Just kick back Just sit back

Just like my mom puts on her spaghetti, baby.

Just touch it again. Come on. Please?

Just you. And maybe Shorty...

Just, you know that new business I started with those Colombian guys?

Kenny, get the camera ready. Here. Hold my gum.

Kenny! Oh, my God, he's right behind you!

Ketchup.

Kitty, you scared me.

Leave your carcass for flies 'Cause everyone who meets up with me

Let me just say, uh...

Let's see if she'll have a word with us.

Like a scrotum here it is in a nutshell

Like porn dancers waitin' at the front door for an answer

Listen, asshole, you've had your fun, now you better stop or else.

Listen, I gotta leave town for a couple of days. Okay? No big deal.

Long hair, pretty little mouth, perfect ass?

Look out, Greg! Look behind you!

Look, have you seen what they do to those poor animals?

Look, I'm calling the cops.

Look, someone's just trying to fuck with us, you guys.

Look, what do you want?

Lord, I'm gonna have a heart attack!

Lose the cape. It's way too '90s horror.

Loser.

Lost son of Iggy False bigger nose than Ziggy, true

Lots of pain. Gail, please help me. Gail, please!

Make them pee pee up the place when they see my ugly face

Make them shake like somebody built a fina

Making rapper's noise like it was tax season

Man, this shit is awesome!

Miss Buffy Gilmore!

Miss Mann?

Mm hmm. For all y'all talkers up in here, it's time to keep it down right now.

Mo' money, you barely got toll money

More chasing on your ass than the cops who got acquitted

Mount Rushmore it, no, ignore it, Can't rock with no big head

Move your big ass. Come on.

Mutilate your organs and shove them up your butt

My girlfriend already seen the movie. She said they don't even stay together in the end.

My keys for the three Now you suckas fuck with it

My report card.

My story.

Na, na, na, na I'm gonna slash and gash

Nah. We're just havin' a little bit of fun with old daddio.

Need your cries of fear It's music to my ears

Next week's Triple Crown starts at 2:30. Be here early.

Nice breasts.

Night, Cind.

No, it was in this movie Scream. Same dialogue and everything.

No, let's role play. Come on. You get me.

No, man.

No, man. I I think I'm gonna work out, you know, beat the bag a little.

No, Mr. Killer. I don't know where you are.

No, no, no, no, no! Don't!

No, no, no. I'm good, man. But hurry back. She's gonna perform.

No, no, that's okay, Doofy.

No, thanks.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! No!

No! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Just... You remember what we talked about?

No! Watching television shows doesn't create psycho killers!

No! Watching television shows doesn't create psycho killers!

No. I was talking about the note.

No. No. Uh, it was edited for TV. All the good stuff was cut out.

Not really realizing the prize that's been begot her

Nothin'. Sittin' here watchin' the game. Smokin' some bud.

Now do you know where I am? You don't.

Now fuck onto the game Make the game come to me now

Now let me tell you once again

Now the talent portion of the competition.

Now, as you all have heard, there is a killer in our town...

Now, Cindy, Sheriff has some questions that he would like to ask you today.

Now, I understand this is a difficult time for you young ladies.

Now, if this little piggy doesn't roll the goddam camera...

Number two has placed, and number four to show.

Oh, Bobby. Bobby. I was worried about you.

Oh, Cindy, that nightgown.

Oh, God, no!

Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, God! Don't!

Oh, God! Somebody please help me!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Hold on.

Oh, hi, Doofy. Doofy, listen. Is there a problem on campus?

Oh, hi. Please don't, don't... No. Hey, you guys, stop.

Oh, I am scared!

Oh, I know. Um, Kazaam. You know, the one where Shaq plays a genie.

Oh, I love when you play with my ass.

Oh, I was kind of hoping to get my balls licked, but...

Oh, jeez!

Oh, look at me. I'm all dead.

Oh, look, I'm bleeding! Eek. Eek.

Oh, man, am I fuckin' stoned!

Oh, man, I'm gonna be a star, son!

Oh, man!

Oh, my God, Kenny! Kenny, move your fat ass!

Oh, my God, someone's coming.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Please, don't!

Oh, my God! Ray, you've gotta help me! Bobby's gone crazy!

Oh, my God! Somebody do something!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. What was that?

Oh, now what?

Oh, she is as fake as Press on nails.

Oh, shit, son!

Oh, shit, son!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shut the fuck up!

Oh, so this is where I'm supposed to beg for my life?

Oh, so what movie is this from, Die, Cheerleader, Die?

Oh, so, what? You think I killed Buffy and Greg?

Oh, that's not my boyfriend.

Oh, there she is

Oh, um, about the sex stuff?

Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to run, right?

Oh, yeah, that's right. Did you get some girlfriends' numbers for me?

Oh, yeah! Oh!

Oh, yeah. Laugh it up, you guys. Big laugh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, Bobby!

Oh, yeah. That's a great idea, Ray. But what about Brenda, huh? You think she wants to go to jail?

Oh, yeah. That's it.

Oh, yeah. Well, then, your father's stupid.

Oh, you are my little girl. I love you so much...

Oh, you you mean Bobby's got a baby dick too?

Oh! I gotta stop drinking.

Oh! Jesus!

Oh.

Oh. I'm making popcorn. I'm getting ready to watch a video.

Oh... That's you?

Okay, class, who would like to give their oral presentation first?

Okay, everybody, listen up.

Okay, just one time.

Okay, now you can look.

Okay, okay, listen, honey. Help me up now.

Okay, stud, you have to go now.

Okay, sure enough, there's a girl in that car, blouse unbuttoned, all alone.

Okay, three, two...

Okay, you're free to go. Do you have somebody picking you up?

Okay? I'm in love.

Okay.

Okay. But just for a minute.

Okay. I'm running! I'm running! Help!

Okay. If I see Bobby, I'll tell him I love him.

Okay. Let's go over this again.

Okay. One, two...

Okay. Yo! Party at Cindy's house!

One part the fuehrer One part the pope

One part the fuehrer One part the pope

One part the fuehrer One part the pope

One part the fuehrer One part the pope

One thumb on the pulse of the nation One thumb in your girlfriend's ass

Only it isn't a movie, Bobby.

Ooh, Brenda.

Ooh! Yes, I like that.

Or those greasy shithead teenagers any more!

Others to gain the athletic edge on the competition.

Outta my face! Outta my face!

Ow!

Ow! Daddy's head is stuck. Unstick Daddy's head.

Ow! Ow!

Peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat

Peel your foreskin off and make a winter coat. Peace!

Please, Mr. Killer, don't kill me.

Please! I'm just a day player!

Put 'em together

Put down for missed note Put up with misquotes

Rappers coming in with their team and carry toolies

Ray, I still don't think this party is a good idea.

Ray, if you see Bobby, tell him I love him.

Real close. Until the roofies wore off.

Really? No way!

Redrum.

Reporting live for Black TV. White folks are dead and we're getting the fuck out of here!

Right now we make a pact. We take this to our grave. Agreed?

Right on.

Right.

Royce The 5'9"

Rule number one: You gotta be quick.

Rule number two: Don't fall down.

Run, bitch! Run!

Saw off your toes Jam them in your nose

Say one for the radio Two for the pin eye

Say some other shit Really hurt a rapper's feelings

Scare the shit out of you then watch you pee

Selling it back Getting paid to crack thieving

Selling it back Getting paid to crack thieving

Selling their backs It didn't even make the album

Shakespeare In Love. Uh uh. Ooh! You lying.

She used to baby sit my brother Doofy. He had the biggest crush on her.

She's about to get it on with Shakespeare.

She's good. She's good.

Shh, back at you. Shh!

Shh.

Shit, son. Yo, what the deal?

Shorty, I know you ain't driving without no papers.

Shorty, you are so loud.

Shut up.

Slap on some pickle relish Ain't we having fun

Slim Shady

Snatch and run, y'all!

So I just pulled my tongue out of her ass and left.

So if anyone needs to come to my office to talk...

So is this where I'm supposed to bleed?

So maybe just some on top of the clothes type stuff?

So very likely we're about to see someone get killed.

So you think Bobby did it?

So you thought you would just climb through my window...

So, who's next?

So?

So? I don't know him.

Some for money...

Somebody do something!

Somebody there?

Someone done gone crazy, son!

Someone who could move around without being noticed.

Sometimes those secrets come back to haunt us.

Sometimes we do things we're not so proud of.

Soul for sale sold to satan for a hell of a lotta luck

Special Officer Doofy reporting.

Special Officer Doofy.

Spill blood on the walls and play tennis with your balls

Stab you once or twice Maybe even thrice

Starting now!

Stay in well lit areas.

Stay with me Tomorrow's just

Stay with me Tomorrow's just

Suit yourself, kid. All right. Last one in the shower's a rotten egg!

Sure, man.

Surprise, Cindy!

Surprise, Cindy!

Surprise!

Take it easy! I'm feelin' a little woozy here!

Take that, you psycho!

Teeter tottering between brilliance and insanity

Tell me about Drew. What was she like in bed, Cindy?

Thank the thinkers that think they thunk the thoughts that theorized

Thank you.

Thanks for ball... I mean, all your help.

That I left you a little something in the coffee can.

That I'm a new man, and I'm ready to leave all this behind and start a new life.

That is classified information. Where are you getting that?

That means I didn't make it.

That psycho wants a piece of me, bring it on.

That was close. God!

That was the illest rhyme I ever seen, son!

That's impossible, Cindy. There's no blood. There's nothing. Look around.

That's it. Two teens dead...

That's right, Cindy. I'm gay.

The bad

The bona fide lo fi high octane philosopher

The genius with a penis The few, the proud, the me

The inevitable return of the Great White Dope

The inevitable return of the Great White Dope

The inevitable return of the Great White Dope

The inevitable return of the Great White Dope

The killer! The guy that murdered all my friends!

The killing of these... these teenagers has been tragic, but, uh...

The largest ship the world had ever known.

The moron overheard a conversation Greg and I were having.

The one part the fuehrer the one part the pope

The one part the fuehrer The one part the pope

The police are gonna find you and daddy both dead...

The sharks'll take care of the evidence.

The Wayans Brothers was a good show, man!

The young girl who was attacked earlier this evening.

Then I'll slam a beer

Then she woke up talking about pressing charges.

Then what is it?

There she is Doggy style anytime

There you go, Mr. Scary Killer. I'm panicking now.

There's ass, blood and guts everywhere!

There's the sound guy. There's the script supervisor. How ya doin', baby?

They had a killer at your old high school, Shorty?

They may display my brain in a picklejar at the Smithsonian

They... They turned the hot water off in the showers, all right?

They'd probably cast some dingbat like Jennifer Love Huge Tits to play me.

Think.

This is all me up in here. You handle that.

This is for talking through The Fugitive!

This is like a scene from a movie or something.

This is manslaughter, okay? We're all gonna fry for this.

This is real life.

This isn't easy for me.

This isn't funny, all right?

This little piggy went to the market. All right? This little piggy stayed home.

This man is chasin' me, Gail!

This movie is good. Hey, baby.

This some good shit!

This was my interview...

Three.

Thug the fuck out Punch lines are killing

Tim's and Gina, me and my tight jimma up on a track

To the family of my cameraman, Kenny...

Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke! Toke!

Tonight everyone meet at my house. And bring some friends.

Tried to get you. It's an old police trick.

True. True.

Trust me, okay? I got this shit. Ready? Come on.

Trust me, okay? I got this shit. Ready? Come on.

Turn around! Come on! Yes, Brendan!

Two times

Ugh! Girl, no. The press only wants to interview the most ignorant person they can find.

Uh, Cindy Campbell.

Uh, no. No, not that.

Uh... Uh, Brenda. Come on, come on. Put the helmet on.

Uh... Uh... Uh... If the cops come, tell 'em I'm a plumber, okay?

Um, you guys, there's a, there's a few too many people.

Um, you're you're behind the couch.

Understand what? That my girlfriend would rather call me a killer than touch me?

Very funny. Who put you up to this? Cindy?

Very good. And contestant number three.