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Home > That's My Boy (2012)
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That's My Boy (2012)

That's My Boy (2012)

That's My Boy is a comedy film released in 2012. The movie stars Adam Sandler as Donny Berger, a reckless father who reconnects with his estranged son, Todd, played by Andy Samberg. As the chaotic duo attempts to mend their strained relationship, hilarious escapades and absurd situations ensue. Featuring a talented ensemble cast including Leighton Meester, James Caan, and Vanilla Ice, the film delivers a mix of outrageous humor and heartwarming moments. To experience the soundscape of That's My Boy, you can play and download them here.

A lot of times girls I've met over the years,
A pretty huge New Kids on the Block tattoo on my back.
A pubic hair.
A simple apology.
A squirrel run into the coffin and, uh, kind of...
A treasure!
A what?
A women's prison.
About our secret tickle time.
Absolutely.
Actually gaining on the Ethiopians
After the explosion
Ah, he said it! Yeah!
Ah, more than life itself.
Ah, Mrs. Ravensdale.
Ah, no...
Ah!
Ah! We quit, too.
All I can focus on is your shit breath.
All I'm saying is the Chad thing,
All of our practice is really paying off!
All of us... as a fucking team!
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
All right, all right. Now we're talking.
All right, can you lighten up a little bit?
All right, come on, sweetheart.
All right, Donny, go.
All right, everybody!
All right, fuck it, fuck it.
All right, Gerald, kid! Here we go, guy!
All right, good night, guys!
All right, guys, let's see what we got out there.
All right, here's the deal.
All right, how about this?
All right, how much?
All right, I will.
All right, I'm sorry for what I did.
All right, it was 50 grand, but I'm not... I'm not...
All right, look. I came here to tell you I'm sorry
All right, you know what?
All right? She bangs.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. So, hang on.
All right. That'll give me time to sell my diamond Lamborghini!
All that shit you mentioned and so does Todd, right?
All that was left of his dad
Already on it.
Also, I want to tell
Am I... This is...
An earring.
An inappropriate teacher student relationship.
And a lot more responsibility.
And a side of fucking Rod Stewart's jizz.
And allow me the honor
And for the record, my name's not Todd Peterson.
And furthermore, the court grants custody
And have a beer, please? I'm begging you.
And he actually saw
And he tries to retrieve the burrito.
And he wanted to see others be happy.
And his lovely wife, Helen.
And I am a Berger, like my father before me.
And I bring it in there.
And I didn't want Todd to know
And I feel the train go by.
And I have actually only seen three vaginae in my entire life,
And I hope that you'll accept my apology
And I lost my son.
And I never gave you an ounce of shit about nothing.
And I started hanging out with this guy ever since.
And I take pride in that, so fuck you.
And I think she would have done it, too.
And I think this was a good use of a Groupon.
And I think, uh, think you might dig it.
And I was pretty much a whiz kid myself.
And I would just ride him all day long.
And ignoring doctor's orders,
And it fucking sprinkles out
And Jamie's brother, Chad.
And my aunt's once by accident on the back of a tandem bike.
And no one wants to pay for that anymore.
And now, looking hot
And so, I decide to jump off the platform, right?
And something else, something sticky.
And something kind of like takes over me, you know?
And that is the end of that.
And that's cute, but I am your teacher, not your girlfriend.
And the feelings
And then we have a wonderful full evening planned
And then we're going to send you home
And then we're gonna have rehearsal dinner tonight,
And they said it's the stupidest thing they ever heard.
And we're going to have a great life together.
And why is it kind of hard?
And with a United States military man, no less.
And yes, I've had sex with Chad from time to time.
And you know that the Xanax makes me.
And you looked very sexy doing it.
And you must be...
And you shake my hand like the civilian you are.
And you, Todd, do you promise to love,
And you're being just plain rude.
And you're gonna be the normal Todd from three days ago, right?
And you're marrying that hot chick.
And you're sitting here gallivanting with...
And, by the way, thanks for the fatherly advice, guy.
And, Jamie, you can be my breast friend.
And, uh, that's the last I seen of him.
And... a lot more money!
Anyhow, Jame, this is my old friend, Donny.
Anyways, the place goes bananas for me,
Are you a soldier?
Are you all right, buddy?
Are you back on drugs?
Are you determined to ruin my life?
Are you finished, sweetheart?
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
Are you serious?
Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment still?
Are you still my dirty boy?
Are you sure you're not a Chinaman?
Are you...
At attention for a couple hours?
At ease, bitch.
At which time he will assume full custody.
Aw, come on, guy. Oh.
Aw, come on, Vanilla Bean Latte.
Aw, Donny.
Aw, God, I got to
Aw, hell no, man! You know I don't know
Aw, no, no. Come on, Todd, don't be like that, huh?
Aw.
Aw...
Aw...
Back to it. Fuck, yeah.
Bam!
Be careful.
Be gentle, he... he's protecting our country.
Be nice to me.
Beautiful places to get married,
Because he doesn't like being in the paper.
Because I'm not a fucking douche bag.
Because I've been dying for that to come back.
Because of me. What did I do this time?
Beep be op beep 84,304.
Beep boop beep boop beep.
Beep boop beep boop beep.
Beep boop boop boop beep. 29,328, Helen.
Before the big surgery, so...
Besides, I'm just not into girls anymore.
Besides, it's not like you can throw together a whole other party this late.
Best friends, right? Here you go, my boy.
Best man, wedding rehearsal
Best man/groom alone time.
Birds a chirpin'.
Blowing in the wind like Tawny Kitaen
Bone your wife? Yeah, I mean, I'd love to.
Boo!
Both of us. This sucks.
Bowl of chili nuggets.
Breast, with an With an.
Bro, but they use olive oil, not butter.
Broke. Who'd have thought this would happen to us?
Buddy, no one gets me a gift.
But before he was born, I modeled a bathing suit
But do you think you would ever...
But give me a little bit of time.
But he's having a good time doing it.
But I can't count on that.
But I don't have time to deal with this, so...
But I don't know... We were kind of like soul mates.
But I got kind of close once.
But I got no time right now.
But I I got to tell you, it felt good.
But I love this kid.
But I need an answer right now. What do you think?
But I quit!
But if I don't give them 43 G's by Tuesday, I'm going to prison.
But it actually happened to my boy here!
But it is really good to see you, Mom. I...
But it's disrespectful to him.
But it's pretty fucking funny.
But that still doesn't get us a church.
But that's what you fucking asked for.
But the good news is,
But there is some good news.
But there was a foul up at the mortuary,
But there's some real good stuff in it.
But this cat's got wheels on him.
But what about your kid?
But with this psycho, you know, it was warranted.
But you and I are close, too.
But you don't hear me
But you use it so much better!
But you were basically the worst parent ever.
But you were only 13.
But you'll understand why I said that in a few minutes.
But your improve were awesome "Post nasal dick," or whatever you said.
But, Donny... Uh, not to toot my own horn,
But, uh, Donny Boy has got to go to bed, though, right?
But, uh, you got any desire to get wasted with us?
But, uh...
But, you see, this is my world.
But...
By the time I was 12.
By the way, dude, you look fantastic.
By the way, Todd, uh
Bye! I'll see you tomorrow!
Bye.
Bye. Just the two of us, you know?
Cake and lollipops for breakfast every day.
Call yourself Han Solo. You're dressed like him.
Calm down!
Calm down!
Came out weird.
Can he possibly win it?
Can I get a hug right now, or...
Can I go to the bathroom?
Can I just say something before we all turn on Todd?
Can I see Randall Morgan possibly?
Can you describe what you're feeling right now, Han?
Can't buy everything, Spirou!
Can't you just let it go?
Cancel what check?
Caveman like, hairy knuckled, single chromosomal,
Chad, adultery is bad...
Chad, I'm sure you're very athletic... Okay!
Chad, this is my fiance, Todd.
Chad.
Chad.
Chad's here!
Champale would like to dedicate this
Churches freak the kid out,
Classic.
Come here. Come here.
Come on, Donny!
Come on, eat it.
Come on, fly!
Come on, fucking hit this thing and let's get it rocking.
Come on, get over here. Oh, oh.
Come on, he is pissed. Fuck!
Come on, let's get them!
Come on, look out! Look out, now!
Come on, now! Oh, the tickle monster.
Come on, now.
Come on, Todd, let's do this.
Come on, Todd!
Come on, we got to get there!
Come on, you fat shit, move it!
Come on, you think he got
Come on, you're gonna get arrested, buddy.
Come on!
Come on!
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Doc Shakalu, get your ass up here!
Come on. You're fine.
Come over here, champ.
Coming to you, homie.
Computing, Steve.
Coolest name in the world, right?
Correct.
Could you hold that? Take a chug if you'd like.
Couple of hand jobs,
Dad, how are you, sir?
Dad, let me just give you the money.
Dad!
Damn it, man! Come on! Let's go!
Definitely seen that combo of fluid before.
Did you happen to notice
Did you hear that? Did you hear that?
Did you see that? That was amazing!
Did you take your Xanax today?
Didn't spill my beer, fucker.
Didn't you and your teacher have a kid?
Do I sound okay?
Do it, do it! Give it back!
Do it, just do it.
Do not touch these plates. I'm cleaning them.
Do we really want Father McNutty to be the one
Do you have any Axe body spray?
Do you have fucking rocks in your head, Todd?
Do you have your security undies?
Do you know how gross that sounds?
Do you like fucking my sister, Todd?
Do you remember that kid who got
Do you remember...
Do you want any eggs?
Does it look good?
Does she live the la vida loca, too, or...
Doesn't make you a whiz kid, Donny.
Doing okay in that department, so...
Don't answer that question!
Don't get all psycho on me right away.
Don't get too crazy. Know your limits.
Don't I,
Don't let this be happening, please.
Don't mess with the genius.
Don't screw up my Tom Brady poster.
Don't sweat it. Holla.
Don't we look great?
Don't worry, your secret's safe.
Don't you get money every time that shit is shown?
Don't.
Don't.
Donny and Vanilla Ice fucked your mom!
Donny Berger, what have you done?
Donny Berger.
Donny Berger's back in the news.
Donny doesn't mind, do you, Donny?
Donny, come on.
Donny, couldn't have gone any better. Loved it.
Donny, I think we've had enough excitement for one night.
Donny, just shut up!
Donny, look out!
Donny, maybe your son could help you, financially.
Donny, this isn't a brothel.
Donny, what are you doing here?
Donny, what... what the fuck, man? Sorry.
Donny, you want to know what all women love?
Donny!
Donny!
Donny! Donny! Are you watching?
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
Donny! I'm gonna kill you!
Donny! Yeah, this is who I was telling you about!
Donny?
Donny?
Donny.
Donny's not my best friend.
Down.
Dude, at least I got balls.
Dude, come on, will you please stop, collaborate and listen?
Dude, I need 43 G birds.
Dude, I'm into guys, too!
Dude, this is not about you and me, all right?
Dude, Uncle Vanny's fucked up.
Dude, you know what it's time for?
Dude, you're a millionaire now,
Dude! That's it!
Dumb ass.
Eh, let's see what we got.
Eh, so, what time are we gonna go to the prison tomorrow?
Enough!
Especially by me.
Even Steven.
Ever since his father's funeral.
Every once in awhile, buddy, or she's never gonna bang you.
Everyone's having sex and drinking lattes.
Excuse me, sir, put some more girly shit up there.
Fantastic.
Fat guy! Fat guy!
Fat guy! Fat guy!
Fat guy?
Father McNally, please continue. I promise to do
Father McNally, thank you so much for coming out to the Cape.
Father,
Father.
Female version of me. That's right.
Fine.
Finish him, Father McNally!
Finish him!
Five more minutes till you get to choose amongst four
For a Woolworth advertisement.
For an old fuck, so we're in trouble right now.
For free, honey!
For fucking arranging this bullshit!
For her to be mad at you when you're married.
For keeping such a big secret from you?
For some reality TV ambush?
For the girls, buddy. They're mine.
For the rest of your life?
For us to all take a little time to just chill and mellow.
For us to start our lives together.
For what?
Fosse, and Fosse,
Freaky.
From...
Fuck you, buddy.
Fuck you, Kenny!
Fuck you!
Fuck you.
Fuck, I love you so much, Miss McGarricle. I never stopped.
Fuck!
Fuck! You fucking hard ons!
Fuck.
Fucking A, buddy.
Fucking last night of poontang for this kid.
Fucking old guy's got
Fucking shit!
Fucking shit.
Fucking shit.
Fucking Todd Bridges worked hard on that thing.
Fucking white people.
Fucking wrestling champion, and I got the winner.
Fucking...
Fucking... Here.
Geez. He went down like a sack of potatoes, huh?
Generation to generation, actually.
Gerald, you're a sick man, buddy!
Gerald!
Gerald! I'm sorry it sounded so harsh,
Get 'em down!
Get all the looks from, huh, sweetie?
Get away from me!
Get on it now
Get serious.
Get the fuck out of here Go, 90, 90, 90, 90
Get those cameras off me!
Get under it! Get dirty!
Get your shit out of my boss's house! Okay!
Girl Scout?
Give it to me now, honey.
Give it to you alone, all right?
Give it up for Donny!
Give it up for him. Come on, now.
Give me a little bit of time.
Give me that fucking shit.
Give me that, Hansie.
Glad all the children saw that.
Go ahead! I don't need you!
Go for Donny B.
Go get the fucking bags!
Go time, go time.
Go, go!
Go!
Go. Baby, go!
God, you're such an idiot!
Going to ask you for an autograph, but...
Gonna run the marathon.
Good buddy, he'll be fine.
Good call, Han Solo,
Good evening, gentlemen.
Good looking person is my little brother.
Good one.
Good person, how about you put on a tie, okay?
Grandma D, what's going on?
Grandma, what's up, honey? Are you awake, sweetheart?
Grandpa was a psycho. You know that.
Great questions.
Great. Sounds good.
Guess what's on TV?
Guy, guy, just come on. Listen to me.
Han Solo Berger?
Han Solo, don't be like this.
Hang in there, guy!
Hang in there! Go ahead, just sit still, homie.
Hang on, though. Hang on.
Hang on.
Hansie, can we just blow this place off
Hansie, dude, it's me.
Hansie, Hansie.
Hansie, please, let me explain to you...
Hansie!
Hansie.
Hansie.
Has resulted in a pregnancy and you show absolutely no remorse,
Have a good wedding.
Have you, have you been going down on her?
He ain't a tight ass.
He bit me!
He called me Dad!
He changed his name!
He deserved it.
He died in an explosion.
He doesn't even want to be a Berger anymore.
He drops his burrito on the tracks.
He fucking blew me up and his mother?
He had no idea who he was.
He has? What? No.
He is.
He just, you know, wasn't a great dad.
He keeps punching him!
He kind of moved out when he turned 18,
He never used it.
He said, it's like Head of the Class, only with blowjobs.
He would cheer you up all the time when you were sad.
He, uh, actually became a dick.
He... He's got to be a walking Gong Show.
He'll be pretty psyched to see an old friend.
He'll believe this.
He'll kick my ass. He... He's crazy.
He's a liar and he's crazy!
He's a pot smoking bum!
He's fucking getting all fucked up, ah, tonight!
He's got post nasal drip, so...
He's hilarious.
He's not gonna want to talk to me.
He's smarter than Todd!
He's talking to his dick, buddy.
He's up! He's up!
He's your best friend. You're his best friend.
He's, like, a hot shit now. He's getting married
He's, um... My other best friend.
Head in the Class?
Helen, oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.
Hell, yeah.
Hello.
Hello. I'm Phil.
Help me!
Here at He Time Spa For Men.
Here comes your girl. Here we go.
Here in the final stretch.
Here it is.
Here we go! Taking down two there!
Here we go.
Here you go, big man.
Here, let me.
Hey 0! Do not... That's...
Hey, buddy.
Hey, Chad, I'm Todd.
Hey, come on. Here's to the kid.
Hey, Donny, what'd you get?
Hey, Donny.
Hey, dude.
Hey, guys, guys?
Hey, Han Solo, you're looking great, man.
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, how about I get you another beer, huh, Donny Boy?
Hey, I also made you a mix tape.
Hey, if you don't want to wrinkle the dress,
Hey, if you don't want to wrinkle the dress,
Hey, it's a fucking lovely night, ain't it?
Hey, Jamie.
Hey, let's get out of here.
Hey, let's get out of here.
Hey, look, this might seem weird,
Hey, look! It's us!
Hey, Mary.
Hey, Mom, did you want some breakfast after you finish your dance?
Hey, Mr. Spirou.
Hey, thanks, honey. What the fuck's your name?
Hey, there, little buddy.
Hey, this is all my fault.
Hey, this is the shit, this place... I'm telling you.
Hey, uh, listen, while I got you,
Hey, what...
Hey, what's up, RoboCop?
Hey, when the legendary Donny Berger comes in here
Hey, where you think you're going, Mr. Vanilla Ice Cream?
Hey, where you think you're going, Mr. Vanilla Ice Cream?
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, whoa.
Hey!
Hey! Give me my hat back!
Hey! There he is.
Hey! Whoa!
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Mr. Peterson. What can I do for you?
Hi, sweetheart, how are you?
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.
Hi. Yeah.
His boss and her brother?
His father passed away.
His teacher pregnant in Somerville?
His what? What? Who? His son about...
Holy cow, that's my son!
Holy fuck!
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Honest mistake. Come here, I want to show you this.
Honey, do you think you can forgive me
Honey, what's going on? Nothing.
Honey, you guys have fun at the bachelor party!
Honey?
Honk! Oh, nobody squeezes my titty
Hookers, blow,
How about a black guy?
How about leaving?
How am I ever going to get her trust?
How am I the fucking bad guy right now?
How do you want to do it?
How many days is that, Todd?
How many people have you fucked?
How much is it to tickle my pickle?
How to fry no damn chicken nuggets!
How to pick them, didn't he?
How we doing?
How's it feel, chump?
How's Mr. Drummond doing, huh?
Huh.
I accept. I do. I love it. It's an honor.
I actually stole my middle school librarian's glasses
I actually took three Xanax.
I ain't got no more chances, buddy.
I always double down when your parents are in town.
I am actually just trying to be a dad right now.
I am as sickened as you, believe me.
I am aware that a lot of people think
I am fucking baffled right now.
I appreciate the offer.
I basically had to raise myself, Donny.
I can write you a big fat check.
I can't believe I let you back into my life again.
I can't believe you're doing this.
I can't even take my shirt off
I can't let you marry this chick.
I can't pay you a dime unless I got a release form.
I can't.
I can't. Don't you... I I shouldn't.
I changed my mind. I'm scared.
I could find a priest for you.
I could have six chicks making out
I could stay out a little later.
I could take you to the speakeasy, and we could,
I created a whole fake life just so I could get away from you?
I decided to go see Mom after all.
I deep fry chicken nuggets, man.
I did not do that.
I didn't know about the brother thing, though.
I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.
I didn't know it was her, I swear to God!
I didn't want to. I'm still your little soldier, I...
I didn't, I didn't spill my beer!
I do.
I do.
I don't believe you.
I don't care if he finds out after the wedding.
I don't even know how to ride a bike.
I don't got 43 grand!
I don't know if I can fucking handle it.
I don't know if I'm ready for that, Donny.
I don't know if she writes the articles herself,
I don't know what I could have been thinking.
I don't know what's going on here,
I don't know where they come up with this shit,
I don't know why it got me, but it just got me.
I don't know, a friend of my dad's
I don't know, but I think I want one.
I don't know, Mr. Mitty.
I don't know.
I don't know. It's just something I can do.
I don't know. This kid changed his name.
I don't think Charlie Sheen would understand what's going on here.
I don't think he wants to be found, anyways.
I don't think he'd do a piece of shit show like this.
I don't want none of your money. How is that? Okay?
I don't want to do it.
I don't want to do that in front of my kid.
I don't want to have sex with my family in the house.
I don't want to have sex with your family, either.
I don't...
I exploded.
I fucking leap down there myself, right,
I fucking love it.
I fucking owe money when that shit gets played, man!
I gave you a snake.
I get it.
I get it. You don't like me.
I got a hot tip on a long shot that just might come in.
I got a tattoo of Tattoo. I thought that was funny.
I got my ass kicked, and everyone's pissed off at me.
I got something to tell you, and...
I got to be part of this shit?
I got to pick my shit up.
I got two tickets to Van Halen this weekend.
I got you a fucking great gift.
I got you a wedding gift and I want to
I got you. I ain't gonna let you fall.
I guess not!
I guess not.
I had a kung fu instructor
I had detention myself, guy.
I had love, it's different.
I had no idea.
I had no one helping me.
I hate you... Dad.
I have arranged a very special evening for us tonight.
I have balls down to my knee!
I have to ship out in the morning to fight the Nazis,
I heard she got big nipples.
I heard your phone call.
I just can't believe I've never heard that story before.
I just found my wedding dress covered in barf!
I just hope the guy will talk to me.
I just want you to just jerk it a little bit.
I just... I just didn't know how to make the move.
I kind of look like a ventriloquist.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I know that makes you feel better.
I know that sounded bad, but, Donny, this was going to be the last time.
I know, I know.
I know, I know. I'm a fuck up.
I left you a little best man gift on your dresser.
I lied because I'm the product of
I like the look of this. Who's this?
I like the sound of that.
I like your fucking hairdo!
I love that old time bathing suit.
I love you, Son.
I love you! Do you love me?
I made my bed, now I got to lie in it.
I mean, do you like sticking your dirty booger fingers in her?
I mean, how bad could it be?
I mean, I don't think so.
I mean, I was actually kind of surprised
I mean, I wouldn't do it again,
I mean, it's got our faces and our names.
I mean, maybe this is a blessing, though, guys.
I mean, the sky's the limit, kid.
I mean, why wouldn't you just buy another burrito?
I mean, you are my best friend, guy.
I miss the titties.
I must have done a pretty decent job as a dad, don't you think?
I need to talk to you, homeboy. Yeah.
I never did knock boots with your mother.
I never had it with anyone else.
I never heard of him passing out drunk before.
I never learned how to swim.
I object to these two getting married.
I ought to rip off your head!
I owe the IRS a lot of money.
I probably would've fucked my teacher, too.
I promise I won't do it again.
I promise to do my best to lower prices at the school stores and, um...
I promise to...
I read about this place in Oprah's magazine.
I read the OPEC report, and I was thinking,
I realize that I committed the sin
I really have to watch what I eat.
I saved his life.
I see all these chicks just kind of looking at me, going, "What is that?"
I sent them home, guy.
I shouldn't be doing this.
I shouldn't have hit the guy with the bottle.
I sign a couple of titties,
I smell ratings.
I still got the tattoo I got when I was,
I suppose I'm the reason.
I swear to God.
I tap out. You win, you win I tap out.
I think he just shit his pants.
I think he's gonna win, I really do.
I think I know who.
I think it's kind of a magical moment.
I think she whacked me off outside the pants.
I think the ball's broken.
I think we should.
I think you'll get a kick out of it.
I thought he left.
I thought Jamie was getting murdered,
I thought this was a bathroom!
I thought you said he was a fatty.

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