David Brent: Life on the Road Soundboard Edit

A bit Buble. A bit David Essex

A daily ritual is phoning around all the record companies,

A great night. They do it every month, you know

A proper loon. A dead bee

About a week ago

About halfway. Halfway- Come on

About time England won a World Cup, innit

Absolute- No

Accidents will happen

After show

Ah, all right

Ah, Mr Brent

Ah, Mr Brent

Ah, you'll see how sensitive I am to difference

Ah!

Ah! Thought so! You..

Ah..

Ah..

Air-conditioning, bunks

All aboard

ALL CHEER

ALL CHUCKLING

All good fun

All my mates were like, Oh, Brent, if she lost weight she'd be an absolute stunner

All right

All right then, I won't

All right, cheers. Bye

All right, Lionel- What you up to today- No

All right, Lionel, are you worried about AIDS

All right, Lionel, I'm just making some dinner

All right. Call when you get here

All right. Cheers

All right. Do I have to come

All right. Good

All toiletry needs, really

Also hotels, rider

Also, you might get in trouble

Although they are having the last laugh

Always hungry

Am I right

And a better warmed up crowd you play to

And a rep

And Brentertainment

And going to get A&R people along, get signed, put an album out

And he came over and said he wanted to manage me

And he can pop down. OK

And he didn't literally say it out loud, because his wife was there,

And he looked at me,

And he was shopping with his wife, holding hands with kids,

And he worked with basically nice people

And here he's not the boss, you know,

And how did it feel when people were just walking around, going,

And I always say, Yes, the handicapped

And I didn't want to piss off that crew

And I find him an irritant

And I found myself again, you know,

And I started to do what I do best, entertain

And I think for David especially, it's important to believe that

And I would have spent that money by now

And I'd say David is, sort of, the personification of..

And I'm sure he'd love to see me do well

And I'm thinking, What's she writing

And if I get signed, it's all been worth it

And it works with anything. It does. It does

And it's about time someone said something, so..

And it's his dad that's the white one

And it's mainly worse because the world's worse

And it's, um, a guaranteed crowd

And not because he's a black man

And not... Maybe people don't find him funny, but I do

And now I am going to spend it on rock 'n' roll

And now it's like some kind of Ebony and Ivory, urban sidekick deal

And now we've got to go and have a drink with him, you know

And one of the best soul singers that's ever lived

And saying, Oh, will you do a rap on this, do a rap on that

And she did lose weight

And she wasn't bubbly any more. Bit grumpy

And some of them are worth as much as I've put in now, so..

And Sting is cool

And tell them not to tell anyone I'm paying them to have a drink

And that was the whole point of doing this. 16 tickets sold

And that's in this. It's sort of a warning

And that's not fear. That's like, Let's do this

And the band have insisted I have my own dressing room, which is..

And the saddest of all...Mammogram

And then before I knew it, he was, like, doing his own songs

And then, like, eight bars of this. Yeah

And then, the ghost of Alexander O'Neal

And they're just half bottles, so it's not worth it

And we battle it out

And we got a massive whip-round going, and we, um, we got him a..

And we have to sit there with our instruments,

And we're... I've booked some gigs

And you could just drive to each gig

And you only got one point on Sausage or Pie

And you owe it to the world to do this. So..

And you're away

And, sort of, slaughtered them and enslaved them

And, uh, you know, am I a free willist- I'm a do-as-thou-willist

And, uh, you'll also learn why they don't like

And, um, and she wasn't a stunner, which was very disappointing

And...he does brighten up my day a little bit

Andy. We have got Mike and Steve. They're brothers

Another day, another dollar

Anyone want to go on early- We're not going on early

Anyway, so you're back, and you're giving it another go

Anyway..

Apparently, just wanted to stay somewhere cos her flat's being done, isn't it

Are we talking bunse- Well we're certainly not talking English

Are you available- Is it something you actually want to do

Are you hoping to change people's opinions of you this time

Are you nearly done

Are you sure you want a pun war with me

As long as I've got me woman, you know, you can do what you like, Lord

As soon as he's around women,

As the lead singer in the band Foregone Conclusion

At least I enjoy my music. Do you know what I mean

At least let me clean it for you. I said I didn't want to look,

Ate her way through the minibar. What

Awful name. I told them that. Yeah

Back in 2000 and..

Back on the phones then. Yeah

Back to back

Backing track at a Battle of the Bands

Ban it- Why- It's a drug, yeah

BAND MEMBERS LAUGHING

BAND PLAYING

BAND PLAYING

Basically, I say a manufacturer's name, and you tell me if it's a sausage or a pie

Battle of the Bands, innit

Because he doesn't have a record deal

Because he's a man

Because I need you to. Trust me, it'll be fun

Because I've secured an interview

Because it sounds like a dis, though. It's not a dis

Because it's just... It just puts me off my work

Because it's never been released, and it's never been released

Because originally I'm from Reading,

Because you can't ever guarantee

Because, uh, the Slough posse would be like, Oh, you traitor

Because...you just gotta hope and pray deep down

Being called Red Indians any more

Being educationally subnormal

Being made redundant, and the whole fame thing,

Bit of a cock-up

Black. Well, mixed race

Body, mind, and spirit. I've done that, so... I'm empowered now

Bollocks

Book a tour bus. Beautiful tour bus

BOTH IMITATING BLOWS LANDING

Break a leg, Pauline. It is just from you, is it

Brentmeister

Brings a little sparkle

Briony

But as I said, be aware... Hmm- I will

But as of now, this dude has not ****d anyone

But at first, life on the open road. It's in my blood, uh..

But at the same time, they know it's what I want and deserve

But at the same time, you know, you go where the money goes

But definitely gambling. Swings and roundabouts

But don't hold that against them. Mm-hm

But he doesn't really know the rules of the game

But he is now doing two years for 11 different counts of sexual assault

But I am sitting with one of the original docu-soap stars,

But I could see in his eyes, he was saying, Kill me

But I think people would accept him if he just was himself

But I turned it round, you know

But I'm going to use that time to create a buzz

But I'm not getting paid- No. No

But I've been winding up a record company and they're sending someone down

But if no-one's coming to the gigs..

But if you want to do some banter with them, like,

But is there anything you won't joke about

But it was nice to have a lie-in... Yeah. ..and have a lovely bath

But it's all like, Oh, what if you fail- Be prepared

But it's not better, it's worse. Why is it worse

But keep the drums sounding big though

But no that we're not... I wouldn't. Not with him

But their time is their own and, um, you're not paying for that. So..

But with... You know. Although some women do..

But you didn't. No. No

But you kinda know he's going to ruin it a little bit

But you know that was just you thinking that, don't you

But you pay people well,

But, as you know,

But, I mean, we're both just trying to make it, you know,

But, nah, not for me

But, uh, I'm not good... with needles or pain

But, uh, stars from reality TV shows,

But, um, he is the worst person, um, around women I think I've ever seen

But, um, they hadn't really weathered as well as me

But, you know, let them know there is a big buzz around Mr D Brent,

By a T-shirt gun. You know, let's not make a drama out of it

By pretending to be the manager of my own band

Bye

Bye-bye, nine to five

Bye. Bye

Call me a ****a. Please

Called Ain't No Trouble

Called Wernham Hogg. Yeah. That's right. Yeah

Can I have a look- Yeah

Can we get a bit of bass

Can we stay

Can you do cash- Yes

Can you fucking keep it down- Yeah. Can you keep it down

Can't get anyone along

Carrying shopping, papoose with a new baby in it

Cash in hand- Like this

CELL PHONE RINGING

CHANTING

Check it out. Listen

Checking all the sound and..

Checking in

Cheers

Cheers

Cheers, David. Thanks, man

Cheers, man

Cheers, man. Yeah

Cheers. Cheers, mate

Cheers. Cheers. Thank you

Cheers. Right

Chill out, dude. This is rock 'n' roll

Chocolate, champagne. Cheers

CHOMPING

Chris Martin's best friend is Jay-Z

Clever

Clever!

Come in

Come on

Come on, chop-chop. Yeah. Ah, whoo!

Come on, let's do some work now then

Come on. Yeah

Come on. You don't wanna do that

Come through. We're all in this together

Comedy, music, poetry, philosophy, whatever, you know

Cool, dudes

Cos he thought it would be better than the first time

Cos it's a student union