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Home > Joke Stars - Magic School...
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
Alright, what do you need to play tennis on? Uranus tennis. Rocket. Ohh that's a good joke.
Don't really care.
Got a question for you. What's the best food to take a log for a cookout on Mars? Marshmallows. Marshmallows. Sorry. Hey, get it. Come on, join me. Alright. This half of the room.
Got a question for you. What's the best food to take along for a cookout on Mars? Mars mellows? Come on, join me.
Hello. What does that mean?
Here we go. What do you call someone on the sun who thrashes about a solar flare? I don't get it either, but I'm doing them.
Here's one final one by request from Jillaine in Bellevue. Gotta love you kid. Hey, how do you get to Neptune? You've got a planet. Ohh that one goes out to you with love and kisses.
Here's one for you. Why is Mercury made-up of 80% nickel? Because dollar bills would just burn up.
Hey, how do they like their potatoes on Mars marched? I don't write them, I just read.
Hey, how do you do? How do you what? Huh. Huh. How do you like, how do how do they like their IE.
Hey, what a dogs like to do on the moon, go out at night and how light the earth.
Hey, what are the meteors say to the asteroid? No comment.
Hey, what are they like in their sandwiches on Neptune? Neptuna fish, of course. You knew it. Dolphin free.
Hey, what did Earth cloud say when they first met Venus's clouds? Yellow. Ohh I don't get it.
Hey, what do you get if you spell Pluto backwards? Ohh kidding. Of course you get an F on your spelling test, kids.
Hey, what does the earth have to hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, what happened before Earth? How you going, huh?
Hey, what happened? Before Earth opened its presence, everyone sang Happy Earth Day. I don't write to folks, I just deliver them. Thank you very much.
Hey, what's it called when I just said that? Hey, what's it called when a Martian gets the wrong answer? A marsh steak. Get it, get it. Come on.
Hey, what's so? They like onion peel? Neptune, Saturn. You tell me. I don't know. It's backwards.
Hey, where are the astronauts? Eat? The launching pad, of course.
Hey, who are the fastest people on Earth? The Russians. I get it now, alright?
Hey, why does the Earth have so much water? It's always. I don't. I can't read this.
Hey, why is the ring so faint on Uranus? Because it's so far away from it. I hate this joke. Like I hate this joke.
Hey, you little Rugrats.
Hiya, how do we know Jupiter is the biggest planet? Because it takes up the most outer space.
How can you spot a bank on Jupiter through a telescope?
How can you spot a bank on Jupiter through a telescope? I didn't write that one, it was given to me.
How did Jupiter get the great Red Spot on it? It was eating spaghetti without a bib.
How did the sun get to be the biggest thing in the solar system? Well, it always wanted to be somebody. Thank you very much, folks. See you.
How do you get to Venus? You have to plan it.
How do you hold up your pants on Saturn with an asteroid belt?
I can't speak English now. It's in pig Latin. I weigh us day, Earth Day. Have a.
I don't know if I can do this.
It's also fair.
Ohh hey, what's a 711 called on Venus? A convenience store?
Ohh my goodness, I'm killing me.
Same man. Here's one that you kids surely won't get. Here's one for the parents. Why do hippies like Pluto? Because it's so far out, man. You'd love that one.
Since Jupiter is made of gas, what's the most important thing to remember when you visit? Excuse me?
That's actually a good joke.
We're off to the moon now, kids. Hey, we're off to the moon. Hey, it's great to be here on the moon. Thank you for joining me. My name's the star. Do I have a name?
What are dogs called on the sun? You know it sunspots your spot.
What are the other planets like Pluto? Cause it's always acting so cool.
What are the signs say at the crowded hotel on Uranus? Sorry, we're out of space. I'm almost out of time too.
What are the signs say at the crowded hotel on Uranus? Sorry, we're outer space.
What do you call a clam that is traveling to Uranus? An oyster knife? Oyster night.
What do you drink out of on the sun? Well, sunglasses. You take them off your forehead.
What does Neptune hey for good auto body repair go down to Ralphs on 4th St and by the way, here's your next job.
What does the earth like to eat for dessert? Earth cakes?
What eats a lot and stays up all night? Ohh full moon.
What if you can't take a left turn and you can't take a right turn? What type of a turn can you take? Come on, a Saturn. Ohh.
What is blue and cries a lot? Neptune peeling an onion.
What would the moon be like without craters? Smooth.
What's it called when a Martian gets the wrong answer? A marsh steak?
What's the easiest job on Venus? Weather forecaster today is just like every day, hot and cloudy.
What's the favorite day of school kids on Saturn? Come on, it's Saturday, so you knew it was coming.
What's the most fragile part of the Earth? China.
What's the most popular movie on Mars? You guessed it, the three marketeers.
Where do you look in the newspaper when a planet dies? The arbitrary get it? Orbit. Planet orbit, yeah.
Where do you park at the Pluto mall in outer space?
Why are the rings so faint on Uranus? Because it's so far away from any doorbells. Hello.
Why aren't there any ducks on Venus? The pressure would make them follow me. Now quack up.
Why can't humans live on mercury? Well, they can't afford to buy that much suntan lotion. I'm killing me up here. Alright, thank you. Where you from?
Why did the bear want to be an astronaut? He heard someone mention a honeymoon. Yeah.
Why did the cow jump over the moon to get to the other side?
Why did they name it Saturn? What did they name a setter? Why did they name it Saturn? It had a nice ring to it, and so does my name don't, thank you very much.
Why do hippies like Pluto? Because it's so far out, man.
Why does beef taste better on mercury? It's meteor alright.
Why does Neptune eat so much? Because it's planet number 88. It's planet 8.
Why doesn't mercury have any rings? It doesn't like to wear jewelry.
Why don't Martians like answering machines? They hate leaving massages?
Why is it useless to talk to the Earth on January 1st? It goes in one year and out the other.
Why is Saturn like a bathtub? Well, they both have rings around them.
Why is the sun so bright? Because it always pays attention in class and does its homework.
Why wouldn't a rabbit want to live on Uranus? He wouldn't be happy.
25 minutes past the hour and here's the joke of the hour. What are the radio stations play in outer space? Neptunes. That's right, like a Neptune right here, queued up right after these jokes.