Joe Dirt Soundboard Edit

And he said that you was always laughin' at me behind my back

And I had Charlie, so that was cool

And I think a little part of me died right there.

And I'd come in to steal stuff, you know, food, whatever

And it led me to this old trailer park in Simi Valley, California.

And it's a good thing that gator didn't get my ring finger,

And then one winter..

And then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined

And while they was checking out the sights and the donkeys and whatnot,

Atom Bomb #fireworks #bomb #explosion

Auto Trader!

Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

Born and raised. No, not here.

Boy, I swear I oughta slap you silly

Brandy always wanted to hang out with me

But first...

But that was more than 10 years ago.

But then the most amazing thing happened

But where's the good stuff, man?

But you know that saying, "Things get the darkest before dawn"?

Check, one, two. Testing, testing

Clem, are you from around here? 'Cause your accent sounds like

Come on, Joe Dirt!

Come on, Joe. Remember what you said on the show?

Dad!

Dad!

Dang #dang #brandi #carnival #joe dirt #looking good

Dead giveaway

Dirt, did I get you?

Does your mother sew?

Don't you see? All the tourists at the canyon that day my parents lost me,

Easy shot

Even worse, 4% said the dog was too hot for you.

Everything's gonna happen for me,

Exactly how long?

Eyebrow Raise #david spade #flirty #flirt

Fireworks Noob #fireworks #independence day #4th of july

Fireworks stand #joe dirt #fireworks

Folks, grab the kids.

For sure, man. How many?

Freddy? Freddy, get line 3 on speaker.

God almighty. Manna from inbred heaven.

Goddamn, you outta date, boy.

Good morning, LA. Zander here.

He'd take me hunting with him and his dog

Help!

Her legs went on for days.

Here on Earth, we call this place a town.

Here's what we do.

Hey! Go back!

Holy crap, ladies.

Honky Lighters, Husker Du's, Husker Don'ts,

How does it feel to be a hero, Joe?

I asked for Silvertown,

I assure you I won't. I'm a vegetarian,

I don't care about that! And I don't care about you!

I don't recognize them.

I found a guy who had pictures, but he turned out to be a freak.

I got you, buddy.

I had a car now, so I left the carnival and kept runnin' down the names on my list

I hope you find what you're looking for.

I just... He's a friend of mine. This whole thing's my fault.

I keep hearin' about this guy.

I learned cows don't find bottle rockets as funny as I do.

I like kids. They seem to like...

I love you, Joe, with all my heart.

I mean, do you really care? It's actually not an easy story to tell

I miss you, Brandy.

I somehow got separated from 'em

I started walkin' till the cops picked me up and put me into a foster home

I tell you what

I thought I had broken my ass bone.

I Won the War #fire #oil #battle #win #lose #won #lost #war #funny #pee

I'll be your friend

I'm a rocker, dude, through and through.

I'm sorry

I'm worthless.

I’m new #im new

If she was here right now, maybe we'd have a house with a little fence

It Just Does #joe dirt #david spade #it just does #stupid people #why #redneck

It puts the lotion on it's skin #lotion #dry skin #buffalo bob #joe dirt

It's called Silvertown

It's not often I get a freak like you plopped into my lap

It's the wrong tone.

Joe Dirt Modeling #hilarious #joedirt #carnival #laugh #model #ridiculous #hot #sexy

JOE DIRT SISTER

Joe Dirt You're My Sister

Joe Dirte.

Joe, I did find where your parents were.

Joe, there's somethin' you should think about.

Joe!

Just so I could simulate immersion into that bacteriologically unsound world

Kicking Wing!

Long haired hippie freak

Look at him!

Look at this guy. He must be retarded

Ma'am, you should never drink the bong water.

Man, I got it. It's comin'

Maybe find a better town.

Misinterpretation #joe dirt #david spade #communication breakdown #misunderstanding #unclear #misinterpretation #annunciation

Mr. Dirt, what's with the wig?

My listeners and I have heard an amazing story.

My search was over.

New York City. I mean, Kansas.

No Roman candles or Screamin' Mimis?

No, no. A spatula thing. The flat one

No, that can't be. That's not what it is

No, you can

Now, it's time for the good stuff!

Poop Rocket #poo #poop #bathroom #restroom #gross #nasty #joe dirt

Pretty much, man. It's a long story, actually.

Queer

Queer? Is this queer?

Right. I got a big bunch of names.

Robby, I only have enough money for me and Joe

Rocky Didn't Listen #alligator #rocky #bite #hurt #pain #mess #stupid #wrong #joe dirt

Rocky!

See, my parents and my sister and I all went to the Grand Canyon.

She wouldn't not tell me about my parents. I don't care how sick of me she is.

She's way too hot for me.

Show me them boobies #boobs #atom bomb

Shut the hell up and just give me the mutt now.

So, I hit the road with my list of names,

So, I stole this pile.

So, there I was, right back where I started all those years ago,

So, you've always got Silvertown. Remember that, Joe Dirt.

Someone shoves an M 80 up a bullfrog's butt, blows him to pieces,

Speakin' of lickety split, let's meet up later, see what's goin' on

Stop!

Sweet lookin' little things, weren't they?

That soft honey blonde hair.

That's all right. I appreciate this job, man.

That's my girl.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

That's what I'm talking about #fireworks #its beautiful

The next day I was gonna try the police sketch thing,

The past is past, the future's now.

Their car was hit by a passin' truck, a hit and run.

Then he was gonna wear the skin around the house with his wiener

Then what happened?

This guy wants 14 grand.

Turn it up.

We are here with America's sweetheart, Joe Dirt.

We gotta step way back. This is gonna be fun.

We'll shoot fireballs at it

We're just an Indian and some guy.

Well, how much you want for it?

Well, I see you got them snakes and sparklers,

Well, I'm sure it did, but it ain't no meteor. It's a big old frozen chunk of shit

Well, then I got a dog

Well, then,

Whaaa Burger and French Cries #burger #french fries #lose #joe dirt

What really happened was,

Whatever you gotta tell yourself, Joe Dirt.

Where's my supplies?

Why are boobs good? #why is a tree good #why is a sunset good #might as well ask

Why don't you stick your head up my butt and fight for air?

Why don't you talk in the microphone?

Why would Robby say such a thing?

Wrong Tone

Yeah, because they gave him powers, the aliens

Yeah, I got a couple places.

Yeah, I had to have a footprint gas pedal installed.

Yeah, Joe.

Yeah.

Yeah. One day, I'm gonna marry that girl

Yesterday, provide a little backstory for the listeners,

You boys got something to say to me?

You have no idea what kind of hell I can bring you #no idea #wrath #bring hell #joe dirt #punishment #rage #anger

You just said your sister's hot!

You really love me?

You rule, Joe!

You stick 'em in mailboxes, you drop 'em in toilets.

You taught me to sell the good stuff.

You're cool

You're on TRL, California.

You're Talking To My Guy All Wrong #soldering iron #stab #face #pain #wrong #bad talk #hurt #upset #protect

A little drinky drinky. The reason I'm really callin'

Baby! What do we do? We got to do something,

Balls to the wall. Yeah.

Can I ask you a question? Sure, honey. Shoot.

Guess who came back, Charlie? Dad, no!

Hey, you're grounded! Hey, TV people! Why are y'all goin' away?

I can see down your shirt. What an ass

I think your dog's in a little trouble here

I'm gonna shoot him right through his heart. All right, let's go.

Is that right? Yeah.

It's Gert B. Frobe. Wha?

Let's rock, Dirtboy. Let's go!

No! Joe! Joe!

That's brutal. The brutal part?

What's up, goat roper? Not much, pig licker

"Don't eat it! Don't eat it! Here's a hot dog!"

"The Grand Canyon's number one purveyor of fine bus tours."