Superbad (2007) Soundboard Edit

A bar. A bar.

All right, everybody out. Come on, let's go.

All right, listen. I can get you alcohol.

All right, looks like we got a call. We can't pay for these.

All right, that's good. It's hard to trace, I guess.

All right, well, you better. That guy's the fucking antipoon.

All right.

All right. I'll give it another shot.

And she is wonderful

At lunch, I'm going to the same place Mike Snider went...

Because I need to tell you something. Okay?

Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz for like two years.

Becca, this is kind of intense.

Behold, the upward spiraling pigtail.

Bought her a Binion's, complimented her on her tote bag...

But it's still shocking to see on a license.

But we're the police.

But why would I be bleeding? Why the fuck would I be bl...?

Can you answer me?

Can you get us booze?

Did you want me to dive in front of his spit?

Does your mom still have pizza bagels?

Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all.

Don't worry about it. We're not gonna find them.

Dude, why would there be bl..

Eat shit, bum.

Evan! Come on! Move!

Everybody out. Leave the booze and go.

Everyone should hold a gun at least a couple times.

Fogell. What's up?

For you.

Get a room.

Get down.

Get out of here. She's not interested.

Get your hands... Wait for me, Nicola.

Give me a fucking warning before you do it.

Goldslick.

Good. I can't wait for you to get here.

Have a good time, man.

He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is some religious fanatic...

He pussied out. I know he pussied out.

He... He... He came in, he's wielding...

Hey, Becca. Hey, hold up.

Hey, pussy.

Hey, Seth, you can't park in the faculty lot.

Hey. You dance hot.

Holy shit.

How badly do you wanna fuck me?

I could be that person.

I couldn't touch the pen to paper without drawing the shape of a penis.

I didn't know you could get arrested for this shit. We need that liquor.

I didn't realize that.

I don't even drink, so it's... I mean...

I don't wanna get shitcanned. I happen to like this job.

I had to thank the peeps for coming out, you know.

I hung out in my basement, the chill zone, where we chill lax.

I just love you. I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream:

I know. I've wanted to get with you, like, so hard.

I lost Jules' money, Fogell's dead to us now...

I love talking and conversing with you.

I thought you didn't need it. You were gonna tell her how you feel.

I'd love to be at all of them, but...

I'm afraid to live with strangers.

I'm getting that for sure.

I'm really sorry about everything last night, and I just..

I'm Seth!

I'm sorry, man, I don't know.

I'm... What? I'm disgusting? You're the weird one, man.

I've never been with an older guy before.

Is there a problem here, sir?

It was pimp. I feel like a pimp right now.

It'd be fine with me.

It's like 13 bucks a month...

It's the best thing.

It's the least they could do for stealing three years of my life.

Jules. I want you to have a drink with me.

Just down the hatch.

Let's just chill. Everyone just chill out.

Like so hard.

Make the badge proud, Slater.

McLovin bailed!

McLovin, come back!

McLovin!

Name anything. Name it. Name it.

Nice mullet, asshole.

No offense. And I just think that I don't ever need to cook tiramisu.

No, you won't. No, it's my treat, miss.

No. All right, I gotta take a piss.

No. Dude, I know I talk a lot of shit, okay?

No. I mean, yes. But I mean I'll...

No. Who's Bill? Don't tell Bill! Bill has nothing to do with this!

Not from you.

Officers? I can answer those questions now if you want me to.

Oh, definitely, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, shit.

Oh, you got a stain too.

Okay, okay!

Okay? There. Mercy Street, guys.

Okay.

On our wedding night, we had group sex.

P in vagi. She wants to fuck, man.

Peace.

Please, please, calm down, sir.

Please. God, my fucking leg.

Safe in the back seat.

Seriously?

Seth! Hi. There you are. We were just talking about you.

Seth?

Sh... we're screwed.

She dated Dan Remick, who's had a six pack since, like, kindergarten.

She had back problems, man.

She's got an older brother. She could have asked him.

She's over there.

Smoke up. Life's short, you know.

So by signing this, you are officially saying...

So do you wanna come buy me cover up or something?

So far.

So grow a pair of nuts and fucking walk in there and buy the alcohol!

So hot. Let's see it again.

So I knew you and Fogell were gonna live together, you know.

So just... Just go with it.

So, like, what's Hawaii like?

Stop!

That was crazy.

That was gorgeous.

The cops! Bail! Bail! Bail! Shotgun, shotgun! Damn it!

The first thing that came to my mind. Listen.

There's a lot of reasons why I like you.

There's three weeks left in school. Give me a fucking break.

They can't really get you for that. That could be, like, a bowling website.

They're like little baby toes.

This is so disgusting.

This is your fault, you piece of...

Twenty two.

We all know Home Ec is a joke, no offense.

We should be guiding his cock, not blocking it.

We'll get the booze and get the fuck out of here, okay?

We're gonna get alcohol for the whole party, okay?

Well, he knows something's up.

Well, I don't... That's really messed up.

Well, you gotta get me some Kyle's Killer Lemonade.

What is this? What's that?

What the fuck, Evan? We're down two points.

What the hell is that?

Where have you been? You almost blew it.

Why don't you just wear what you wore to school?

Why weren't you at Dimitri's on Saturday?

Yeah, man, they go nuts for that. The male camel toe.

Yeah, why? Should I not come? Because I could think of other shit...

Yeah, you're right. I probably should pick the one with the least dirty name.

Yeah.

Yeah. I know.

Yeah. Like a man dick.

You are the prettiest girl...

You don't want an asshole where your face used to be, Whaling Jennings.

You fucking killed her!

You gotta go to other places. You gotta go to a spin class, a farmers' market...

You know what? I'm seriously getting fucking sick of you...

You know, in a way, I think we wanted to show ourselves.

You know, like... Like... Like family Jules.

You sick sons of bitches!

You're in my house, you answer my questions.

You're making me feel like I'm a bad guy, like...

You're the best.

You're weird for not liking porn. I'm normal as shit

10 4.

...what I got for you under here. Oh, my gosh.

All right. So come. Come on. Okay.

An impressive kind. It is kind of cool.

An M&M. An M&M.

Are you okay? I so flirt with you in math.

Becca? It's Becca.

Bye, guys. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Sorry.

Calm down. Calm down, man. Why? What?

Can I shoot one? Yeah, go nuts. Go nuts.

Evan, come on. Get the hell out of here right now.

Evan, hey. Hey, Becca.

Evan. Get the hell out of here.

Hold him, Jimmy's brother! Hold him! What do you mean? No. No way!

How...? How? How? How...?

I think it's him. Is it him?

I'm driving. We were playing Lightsabers.

It really is. Really?

It's an odd crime for a Jew. They're pretty docile.

It's beautifully done. I think we're gonna get an A.

It's soccer. Fuck you, man.

Let's just go get some dessert. I can't, I gotta go meet my counselor.

Lot of people with weird names. Chingy. Shakira.

Man, let's get drunk! Let's get more fucked up!

No. I didn't run away. What the fuck?

Oh, fuck me. Look at those nipples.

Oh, hey. Hey.

Oh, my God

Oh, my God. Sing for us! Sing.

Oh, shit. Oh, my.

Oh, shit. What the fuck do I do?

Okay? We're screwed. Okay.

Okay. Ladies... Ladies first. Okay.

Really? For me at the moment.

Really? Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Say when, height wise. I'm gonna start up here, tell me when.

Slater! Michaels!

That's cool. Fucking dumb ass. Lube?

This is my house. Don't be such a dick, man!

Told me what? Yeah. You're an idiot, Fogell.

We need liquor. You need it. I don't.

What are you doing? What?

What are you...? What? Nothing. You using my phone?

What the fuck do we do, man? Don't stop. I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. Right on.

Yo, guys! What's up? Fogell, where have you been, man?

You cool to sign that? Of course. I owe you guys my life.

You don't wanna ride the bus. Buses smell like piss, generally.

You got in? We got right in.

You're a fucking pussy. Cheating. You're cheating.

You're getting that! No, I'm not!

You're really drunk. No, I'm not. I am not drunk.

Your legs lifted off the ground. That is bona fide badass, man.

...and draw pictures of dicks.

...and then Evan could take Becca home.

...and then they bang them in the van.

...and we just wanted to show you that...

...but you could stop by if you wanted to.

...is that it's located on my cock.

...it's the coming.

...that as we stopped you from being mugged...

...that I found out she was an actual whore.

...we promised because we're dickless incompetents?

...you know, cops can have a fun time too, you know?

...your mom's got huge tits.